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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28813143">good old-fashioned lover boy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/all2well/pseuds/all2well'>all2well</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the good old-fashioned school of loverboys [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Professors, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hogwarts Professors, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Canon Compliant, Oblivious Sirius Black, Pining, Professor Remus Lupin, Professor Sirius Black, Professors, Raising Harry Potter, Sassy Harry Potter, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin Raise Harry Potter, Yearning, but with the promises of a happy ending, honestly i don't really know what to tag for this, ok maybe more than slight angst at times, slight angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:01:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>157,967</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28813143</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/all2well/pseuds/all2well</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>During the 1994-95 school year, Professor Remus Lupin continues to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts, and is joined by the newly-exonerated Sirius Black, who takes on a one-year teaching position as a Charms professor. Somewhere between the stars and the moon lies their love for one another, a ballad that they thought had ended with the tragedies of 1981. This is the story of how they rediscover that love - and themselves - over the course of one fateful academic year. </p><p>Mostly Wolfstar fluff, occasional angst, and a good deal of raising teenaged Harry James Potter.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the good old-fashioned school of loverboys [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2305946</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>472</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>507</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Much like last year, Remus boarded the Hogwarts Express on September first with a set of robes that looked like they had seen better years, a well-loved trunk that had Professor R.J. Lupin stamped across it, and a stack of hardcover books that included <i>Confronting the Faceless </i>and <i>The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection</i>. Quite unlike last year, however, Remus stepped onto the train that had led him to a new life more than two decades ago flanked by students of his: Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley. </p><p>They were a charming trio and incredibly excited – Harry and Ron were fit to bursting about the Quidditch World Cup, which they had attended over the summer, and Hermione was keen to ask Remus what the upcoming year’s syllabus had in store for them and whether her summer research would be relevant this year or whether she’d have to wait until O.W.L. year. All three of them spoke non-stop, as though they had not seen Remus since the eventful end of their third year rather than just last week at the Burrow for dinner. The Hogwarts Express had left the platform nearly five minutes ago, and they still kept him from searching for a seat.</p><p>“Honestly, Ron,” Hermione sniffed suddenly, whipping around in the corridor and cutting Ron off from his spiel about Viktor Krum, the extremely famous (according to Ron) and extraordinarily talented (accordingly to Harry) Bulgarian seeker. “Professor Lupin doesn’t want to hear about Quidditch. You already told him everything last week at dinner, remember?</p><p>Ron looked insulted. He heaved his suitcase, which looked only a bit less battered than Remus’s, into an empty carriage. “My mum took most of that dinnertime to talk about her radishes! And Percy’s new job at the Ministry, being an assistant to the dullest man in the world! Wouldn’t even let me get a word in about Ireland. Come off it! This is definitely more interesting than talking about <i>boring</i> homework, Hermione.” </p><p>Harry jabbed him suddenly in the ribcage with his elbow, and Ron yelped indignantly, scowling at Harry. Harry looked at Remus pointedly and then back at Ron. “What d’you think – oh. Oh. Sorry, Professor, sir,” Ron said sheepishly. </p><p>“That’s quite alright, Ron,” Remus said, genuinely amused. He stepped to the side so that a frightened-looking first year could duck into a nearby carriage. “If you’ll pardon me and my <i>very boring</i> schoolwork, I believe I’ll head towards the front and get some work done. I’ll see you all at the feast. Harry, remember to owl Sirius or we’ll never hear the end of him.” </p><p>Harry grinned. “Excellent. I’ll send Hedwig after dinner.”    </p><p>Remus smiled back at him fondly and headed towards the front of the train, where James used to claim all the prats and swots sat every year (until he discovered that Lily preferred the front, and then that became the domain of prats, swots, and Evans). He settled into a completely empty carriage and stretched out across the chairs, propping a book open on his lap. He kept the door to the carriage open for a while, with various students greeting him and asking after his summer, and he was pleased to note that even some of the Slytherins offered him tentative smiles. Though he could not claim to be a particularly talented or gifted wizard, he loved his students and loved teaching. It was nothing short of a miracle that he had been able to break the one-year curse for Defense Against the Dark Arts professors and had no doubt that had Peter Pettigrew managed to escape them in June, he would be back in his small apartment searching through the muggle job listings. Instead, he was able to return to Hogwarts this year and enjoy more time with Harry and the rest of his students. Spending time with Harry had been one of the highlights, if not the highlight of the summer. He had gotten to know Harry quite well. After all, he had spent nearly the entirety of the summer holidays living with Remus and Sirius at 12 Grimmauld Place. </p><p>***</p><p>When Sirius had returned to 12 Grimmauld Place at the end of June, he was still technically on house arrest until his retrial in early July. This was the case even though the Minister for Magic himself had privately told Sirius at Grimmauld Place that he had nothing to worry about, and that he might even be recompensed handsomely for the twelve long years that he had spent wrongfully imprisoned. Cornelius Fudge had swelled like a peacock at the power of the Ministry. Dumbledore, sitting quietly next to him, had looked entertained.</p><p>Sirius, summoning his most aristocratic tone, had glared at Fudge coldly and reminded him that he had enough money to spend over twelve lifetimes, and likely twelve of Fudge’s own. Fudge had been rather quiet after that. Dumbledore’s sky blue eyes had twinkled. For some inexplicable reason, Remus had been present during this conversation, at Dumbledore’s insistence. Perhaps Dumbledore simply enjoyed having more witnesses to drama. More likely, Dumbledore thought that having Remus nearby would at least keep Sirius from exploding in the Minister for Magic’s face. If Remus’s latter suspicions were correct, Dumbledore was a fool, for nothing kept Sirius from wreaking havoc when he felt like it, or from getting what he wanted.</p><p>And what Sirius had wanted right after his release from Azkaban was his beloved godson back with him. He had only agreed to let Harry return to the Dursleys because Dumbledore had warned him of the dangers of breaking house arrest and had persuaded him that the Dursleys were entitled to spend time with Harry as well. Plus, Dumbledore argued without quite arguing, it might be helpful for him to have some stability after a dramatic culmination to his third year. Sirius had sulked but ultimately agreed, though he muttered that even Evans had hated her sister and would have loathed to see her raising Harry. His patience had been woefully short-lived. The moment Sirius had received word through Hedwig that Harry was miserable at 4 Privet Drive, he had demanded that Dumbledore allow his godson to stay with him for the summer. Dumbledore had been reluctant, if not outright hostile to the idea, but had eventually caved before Sirius after Sirius reminded him that Dumbledore had not spent a <i>single</i> day trying to get him a fair trial in the autumn of 1981. </p><p>Dumbledore had ceded rather quickly after that.</p><p> The next day, Dumbledore sent a long piece of parchment to Sirius, presumably with a coda of plans to get Harry. Remus was there, as he was most days, and watched Sirius read for a long time with a furrowed brow. Sirius announced that Remus would be the one to pick Harry up from the Dursleys, at Dumbledore’s insistence. Once the plans were set, with a tentative and distinctly un-Sirius tone, he shyly asked Remus if he wanted to stay in Grimmauld Place with him instead of continuing to rent his little apartment near Elephant &amp; Castle. </p><p>“Do you think it’s a wise idea, for us to live together again?” Remus had asked, looking down at his beautiful porcelain teacup, and then at the tapestry outlining the history of the Black family with Sirius burned off the ends, and then at Kreacher skulking about in the corner, anywhere except for the impossible grey depths of eyes he knew only too well.</p><p>“Why wouldn’t it be?” Sirius asked with his signature bluster. “We’ve lived together for years! Or at least, we did. Before, you know,” he said, waving his hands around. </p><p>Remus dared to look up. Sirius was grinning a Cheshire Cat smirk at him, his teeth glinting underneath the chandelier lights. He looked more like himself with every passing day. His body looked less fragile than it had just a few weeks earlier in the Shrieking Shack. Remus had never seen Sirius that thin or breakable before, and hoped against hope that he would never see him like that again. Sirius’s hair was once again cut to his collarbone, which no longer protruded as it once had. His ribs no longer poked out. And though his eyes were ringed with the faint outlines of wrinkles that had not been visible on the face of the twenty-one-year-old that Remus had once studied in the dark, their curious grey color once again brightened his entire face. The only difference – if you looked closely enough, which Remus had – was in Sirius's hands, with callouses from Sirius’s year as Padfoot marring the prim, slender fingers that were once used only to play the piano that he conjured up in the Gryffindor common room during parties, copy off Remus’s arithmancy homework, and flip off Severus Snape. </p><p>“Are you just asking me back because you can’t use magic?” Remus asked, half-joking. The wizarding authorities had refused to grant Sirius his wand back until after his retrial, even if the court proceedings were a sham. Sirius had to either ask Kreacher for anything he needed or depend on Remus or other wizarding visitors to use magic for him. </p><p>Sirius gave him an unmistakable puppyish look as he slouched in the high-backed dining room chair. “Do you think so low of me, Moony?” He quickly straightened back up. “Actually, don’t answer that.”</p><p>The silence weighed upon them. From the beginning, they had tiptoed around the unsavory parts of their history, from those uncomfortable and suspicious and agonizing months before October 1981, the dozen years that Sirius had spent in Azkaban and Remus had spent trying to talk himself off a proverbial cliff or two, and the effective death of their longtime friend, Peter, whom Remus had thought dead until a month ago and who had been kissed by a Dementor just last Thursday. The oppressive silence of what was left unsaid was sometimes excruciating, and then Sirius would make a stupid joke about something that had happened twenty years ago and the pressure would ease. </p><p>Remus preferred to not talk if that made Sirius more comfortable. But he could not deny that he was riddled with curiosity about one thing in particular – the two of them, and namely, where they were supposed to go from here. They had never quite broken up back in the fall of 1981, after all, but Remus would have been a fool to imagine that they could simply pick up where they had left off. Those had been terrifying times during the Wizarding War, and the two of them had been together out of love, certainly, but also fear and a certain recklessness that came with not knowing whether you would be dead by morning. </p><p>Years had passed since then. Even considering the slew of unsaid history between them, Sirius was the only heir to the Black family fortune (not to mention, one of the most famous people of the moment in all Britain), and Remus was…still a poor werewolf. Granted, an employed poor werewolf, since Dumbledore had warned Snape to remain quiet after he had threatened to tell all of his students the truth about their Defense Against the Dark Arts professor (oh, how Snape must have loathed being told to keep silent about Remus’s predicament once again), but the point still stood. </p><p>“Oh fine, Padfoot. I’ll move in.” Remus said, knowing that he would have done just about anything if Sirius Black had asked him to and hating himself for it. “But only because you’re fairly useless otherwise.”</p><p>The brilliant look that flashed on Sirius’s face could have turned coal into a diamond. Remus felt his heart drop to somewhere near his feet.</p><p>“Good,” Sirius said triumphantly. “You pay too much in rent for that dingy little thing. And now we can keep each other company all the time. You can keep me from smoking too many cigarettes. Or am I the one supposed to tell you to not smoke because your precious werewolf lungs might start breathing fire or something? We can catch up on the good old days, braid my hair, you know the drill. Ever think about growing your hair out? Remember that time James tried to look like a Beatle because he thought Lily would like it? What a tosser. Anyways, when Harry comes, he’ll love having you here too. I’m buying tickets to the Quidditch World Cup final in August, you’ll love it.”</p><p>“Hm,” Remus said, chewing into a scone that Kreacher had made. They were not bad, per se, though the taste was oddly metallic even under the weight of clotted cream. “You know I hate Quidditch, Sirius. When is it?” He asked, to humor him.</p><p>“The eighteenth. You’ll come, Moony?”</p><p>Remus scrunched up his nose. “The full is the twentieth. I probably won’t be in the best mood to watch sports.”</p><p>“Then I’ll come join you. Right after the final ends. We can Apparate out to the Lake District and it’ll be just like old times running around, right?”</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>Remus didn’t remind Sirius that he had stood him up for the last moon before James and Lily were killed, halfway through October 1981. James had already gone into hiding by then. Peter was mysteriously absent. And Sirius had simply not showed. To date, it was one of the most painful moons that Remus had ever faced. He had broken his collarbone during the moon and Sirius had never asked or found out. </p><p>After Remus moved his scant belongings out of Elephant &amp; Castle, the two of them spent three exhausting days redecorating Grimmauld Place, first asking a team of Aurors (led by Mad-Eye Moody, missing yet another limb compared to the last time Remus had seen him) to remove the putrid artifacts of dark arts from the Black family home, and then inviting Griselda Thames, a well-known magical interior designer and realtor, to make the place as colorful as she could handle. Sirius’s tastes were stuck in the late Seventies, Remus soon discovered, and the bright, plasticky smell of the furniture lingered for days. Sirius’s – <i>their</i> – home was covered in burnt orange and turquoise fabric and plants, despite the fact that both he and Remus had terrible green thumbs. Luckily, Griselda had been able to find self-replenishing plants. Only Harry’s room was left whitewashed, with Gryffindor-colored sheets and décor, in case he wanted to redecorate.</p><p>They fell back into an easy rhythm. Remus told himself that he would and should be happy just to have Sirius healthy and alive back in his life. But he could not stop from riding the waves of tenderness that came when they were alone in Grimmauld Place after Griselda left, Remus reading and Sirius leaning against his shoulder and trying to guess what the entire book was about just based on one page, or the flashes of amused annoyance when he saw that Sirius still picked out all of the peas from his meal like he did when he was a child. He had no idea what Sirius saw when he looked at him – a friend? A lover? A werewolf whom he had thought capable of betraying their best friends? Just once, Sirius joked about Remus never joining him for a conjugal visit in Azkaban, then looked up to see Remus blushing furiously and snapped his mouth shut immediately.</p><p>It was without incident that Remus – or Professor Lupin, as Harry would call him until Sirius began to tease both of them for it – fetched Harry from Privet Drive and brought him to London. Petunia looked terrified to see him on her doorway (and <i>that</i> was without knowing he was a werewolf, Remus mused wryly), and Vernon looked as though he would gladly wring his neck without thinking twice. Yet Harry beamed at his professor as though he had never been more excited to see anyone, and that was all Remus needed. Sirius was nervous about Harry’s arrival but refused to admit it. That night, he rambled through stories about James and Lily and the Marauders back at Hogwarts (carefully omitting Peter’s participation, of course), drank a bit too much elf wine at dinner and giggled his way through a rendition of Queen’s <i>Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy</i>, and praised Harry’s talents at Quidditch, Defense Against the Dark Arts (information that he had gleaned from Remus, of course), and ability to deal with the muggles all these years. He was wildly eager to please in a way that Remus had never seen before, even with his family. </p><p>Sirius dropped a small fortune on Quidditch World Cup tickets the next day. The Weasleys had not been able to obtain tickets through the Ministry, as Mr. Weasley had hoped, and so Sirius spent a truly mind-boggling amount of money buying every single Weasley, himself, Hermione, and Harry the most expensive tickets wizarding gold could buy. He almost bought two tickets for the Grangers, too, before Harry quietly reminded him that Mr. and Mrs. Granger were dentists and more likely to enjoy the English Premier League. </p><p>There were a few solemn days before and during Sirius’s retrial in early July, during which time Harry stayed with Remus. The two of them went on daytime excursions into muggle London for a pleasant cream tea and an afternoon at the Museum of London, and once even to Madame Tussaud’s. Kreacher, of course, was around to provide for them in theory, but Remus felt just as uncomfortable as Harry did about asking him for anything. Harry was desperate to learn what had happened during the trial, but Sirius was uncharacteristically firm about Harry not being present. Remus once hexed a reporter from <i>The Daily Prophet </i> who cornered them at the Leaky Cauldron to ask about Sirius. Sirius, who had received permission to remain under house arrest during the course of the retrial, arrived home grim each evening (though trying for Harry’s sake to remain as happy-looking as possible) and usually accompanied by Dumbledore. They all walked on eggshells around each other until the Friday that Sirius burst through the door with a wide, toothy grin, juggling his wand in one hand and bearing an enormous bottle of Ogden’s firewhiskey in the other and they all knew it was over. Harry whooped and hollered and Remus hugged Sirius even more tightly than he had that night at the Shrieking Shack, and Sirius took advantage of Harry jumping up and down to kiss Remus gently on the cheek.</p><p>With the exception of the summer holidays that he had spent at James’s house during his Hogwarts years, Remus could not remember having a more pleasant summer. Even the full moon in July felt less tormenting, though Sirius had not joined him as Padfoot for fear of leaving Harry alone. Sirius had been apologetic, almost ridiculously so, and only seemed to get worse when Remus reminded him that he had gone through more than a hundred and fifty moons by himself over the last few years. </p><p>Harry and Sirius spent most of the summertime together, of course – Remus made sure that godfather and godson had enough time to soak in each other’s presence, as he had spent the better part of a year getting to appreciate Harry as his professor. He made sure they all sat down for three square meals a day and sorted out the logistics of camping, or taking the Tube, or once taking the muggle high-speed rail to Paris. When they were at home, Remus was often cajoled into playing around with them, joining them for exploding snap or refereeing a Quidditch match in the bewitched backyard of Grimmauld Place, or coming up with ideas for pranks that Harry could play on Draco Malfoy in the upcoming year (as Draco was a student of his, Remus offered purely hypothetical suggestions). Sirius glowed with a spark that Remus had not seen in decades, reminiscing about particularly terrible pranks that they (mostly he and James, with Peter tagging along) had played on the Slytherins over the years. Harry, of course, ate it all up. </p><p>“You all sounded like you could give Fred and George a run for their money, easy,” Harry said eagerly on a bright August afternoon as Sirius finished yet another wild story. He was soaking wet, his hair sticking to his forehead as he splashed Sirius with great enthusiasm. Sirius had charmed the basement into a swimming pool for Harry’s birthday, allowing Aguamenti to gush forth from his wand until it looked like a Swiss sauna rather than the basement where he used to smoke and hide from his family during elaborate dinners. Remus had helped, of course, cutting Sirius off before he flooded the entirety of his family home in the name of summertime fun. Even after the guests had left Grimmauld Place on Harry’s birthday, leaving a trail of presents and cake crumbs in their wake, Sirius had decided to keep the swimming pool because it pleased Harry. </p><p>“Mm, it’s true. We were all pretty terrible,” Sirius said, shaking his hair out of his face with a mannerism that was more Padfoot than Sirius. “Except for Moony, of course.”</p><p>“Flattery gets you nowhere, Sirius,” Remus replied easily, though a flush skated up his neck. He was reading – or at least pretending to read – a long paper written by a well-known scholar of dark creatures on the history of the Romanian vampire. “Anyways, I’ve been teaching the Weasley twins for a year and I can confidently say that they have more brains than we ever did. They don’t have the privilege of an invisibility cloak, for example, though they did manage to have a certain map.”</p><p>“We became Animagi when we were fifteen! I’d like to see Fred and George try that. Anyways, what are you even reading?” Sirius reached for his wand on the side of the pool, conjured up a colorful beach ball, and tossed it at Remus’s head. Remus dodged it easily.</p><p>“There’s a new study about vampires. Apparently they actually became more populous two hundred years before everyone had thought. And the interesting thing is–”</p><p>“Snooze,” Sirius said flatly, and Harry laughed. </p><p>Remus looked over the top of the paper at Sirius and shot him a warning glance. He had gotten out of the pool, dripping wet, a puddle of water forming at his feet. The moon phases tattoo that he had gotten printed on the side of his body during his seventh year now seemed to take up all the skin on his torso. The moon phases blinked, indicating that the moon was indeed waxing gibbous. Remus tried not to ogle. Instead, he returned to what he knew.</p><p>“Considering that Harry is my student, I suggest you refrain from denigrating my subject in front of him,” Remus chastised. </p><p>“Relax, Moony. Harry takes you plenty seriously. More serious than I am.” He grinned wolfishly, and Remus rolled his eyes. “I guarantee that you’re the best teacher there. Except old Minnie,” Sirius sighed. “She’s probably dying to get her hands on me. Honestly, I should pay her a visit. Or…well, yes, let’s keep it as a visit.”</p><p>“You should,” Harry said excitedly. “Maybe you can get me out of Transfiguration. And Ron and Hermione too! We could go to Hogsmeade. I couldn’t go the whole of last year because Uncle Vernon wouldn’t sign the permission slip. But this year, I have you. The trip isn’t even that long! You could even Floo in, I bet McGonagall would let you too!”</p><p>Remus caught sight of Sirius drooping slightly. To avoid saying anything, Sirius transformed quickly into Padfoot and jumped back into the pool, doggy-paddling around the perimeter to make Harry smile. This was a common trait of his, turning into a large, shaggy dog rather than facing his feelings. Sirius had become crestfallen every time they referred to their time at Hogwarts, and then became oddly pensive. Remus imagined that he would lament their absence. His home was more comfortable now than it had been throughout the entirety of his childhood or adolescence, and yet it was still a large, drafty mansion, better suited for an entire family than for a single bachelor. Remus avoided thinking of how Sirius would choose to fill the hours that were currently spent chasing Harry around the house, playing Quidditch, and accompanying Remus and Harry around muggle London. Sirius Black lived a lonely life, Remus realized. His best friend was dead, his former best friend was a traitor, he, Remus, would be off in Scotland for the better part of a year, and Harry would be with him. </p><p><i>You’re being foolish</i>, Remus scolded himself suddenly as Sirius threatened to throw Harry back into the pool. A man as good-looking and charming as Sirius Black would suddenly suffer no lack of companions in their absence. He might even enjoy being without them. Still, when Remus noticed several owls being sent from Dumbledore, no doubt answering Sirius’s various concerns about Harry being away from him, he felt a pang of sadness.</p><p>August slipped away, with the rising expectations of a brilliant World Cup final stretching ahead of them like the promise of sunrise. At the same time, the full moon approached, and Remus found himself falling asleep whenever Sirius and Harry compared Quidditch strategies after dinner, sometimes finding a blanket pulled over him in the living room, once even realizing that he had been tucked into bed. </p><p>For several days, Sirius and Harry pored over the plans for the World Cup. It was unlike Sirius to be so meticulous, but with Harry involved, he wanted to do everything as close to correct as he could. They would meet the Weasleys and Hermione at a Portkey, earlier than dawn, and would camp for a night or two. Remus would stay at 12 Grimmauld Place and get some much needed work done in the Black library. Harry would then sleepover with the Weasleys for a few days while Remus rode out the full moon – Sirius, presumably, by his side in the Lake District. They would meet the Weasleys for dinner at the Burrow, the imposing, crooked, and warm house that they called home, and pick up Harry. And then Harry would wrangle up his schoolbooks and Firebolt, Remus his stacks of schoolbooks, and they would depart for Kings Cross. And Sirius would find something else, certainly, to keep himself occupied. Someone else, perhaps. </p><p>Remus could not allow himself to get attached as he once had. He was no longer twenty-one, and had the scars to prove it. Still, how could he explain the tug on his heart as Harry laced up his trainers on the morning when they were set to head off to the World Cup? Sirius looked disastrously beautiful, his messy dark hair falling in his eyes and his dark eye circles making him look almost wounded.</p><p>“Not a morning person, Padfoot?” Remus asked jovially. He had been awake for an hour and would surely not return to sleep now, though he was still wearing his pajamas. </p><p>Sirius looked vicious. Had <i>The Daily Prophet </i> caught a glimpse of him, they would have run a headline accusing him of being the murderer that he had always been rumored to be instead of the most recently gossip piece asking whether there were any potential marital connections with the Greengrass family (a rumor that Sirius had shot down rather ardently).</p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous,” Sirius said, stretching his jaw out in a yawn, “I hate the early morns. But these are the things we do for Quidditch. Money’s on Bulgaria, honestly, though Weasleys are all supporting Ireland. And Harry is supporting Ireland too.” He rolled his eyes good-naturedly.</p><p>“I almost forgot my pin!” Harry shouted, remembering the gigantic shamrock pin that Ron had given him for his birthday. “I’ll be right back.” He leapt up the stairs two at a time.</p><p>“How will you hold down the fort without me?” Sirius asked, so softly that he could have buried it in a yawn.</p><p>“I'll somehow survive without you here.” Remus said mildly. A streak of light broke through the front windows and landed on the front of his button-up pajama shirt. It was a gift from Sirius, one that had lasted far longer than just about anything longer in his life because of the elaborate tailoring charms on it that kept the clothes from never wrinkling and kept them fitting perfectly. </p><p>“Well, I doubt I’d have survived being here without you being here this summer, Moony,” Sirius said. He let a hand linger lazily over Remus’s face and then, as though Remus were made of paper, gingerly brushed his hair back. For a moment, the two stared at one another. Remus felt rather like he was being studied, and he resisted the urge to send his gaze elsewhere. Sirius’s eyes were bright despite their apparent tiredness. For the last few nights, Remus had sensed Sirius pacing up and down the house late at night, though he had been too shy to ask him whether he was alright. Remus softened underneath Sirius’s hand, and then suddenly, the moment passed.</p><p>“I’ll be back on Friday, okay? If you need anything else make Kreacher do it. Kreacher,” Sirius shouted offhandedly.</p><p>Kreacher appeared, looking annoyed and bitter. “He does not don the robes that his father would have worn with honor, and instead wears muggle shorts of all things, looking absolutely ridiculous, perhaps even more so than he did as a young boy–” </p><p>“Do shut up, Kreacher,” Sirius said lazily, just as Harry bounded down the stairs with his pin attached to his shirt. “While I’m gone, tend to Remus. That’s an order.”</p><p>Kreacher gave Remus an incredulous look. “Half-breeds! Tending to dark creatures? The horror!” </p><p>“I should behead him one of these days,” Sirius said loftily. Remus opened his mouth to object. “Ready, Harry?”</p><p>Harry nodded. “See you later, Remus!” </p><p>“Bye Moony!” Sirius darted out after his godson.</p><p>Remus watched them through one of the big front windows, Sirius talking to Harry animatedly and waving his hands around. No doubt, he was telling him about the day that he passed his Apparition Test (he had left a toenail behind, so small that the examiner passed him because he didn’t notice). Harry laughed, and Remus felt a tug of fondness. Harry had not laughed or smiled so much the entire year that he had observed him at Hogwarts, even when accompanied by his loyal friends or playing excellent games of Quidditch. Sirius would be outrageously happy if Remus ever mentioned it. Then, not bothering to look around to make sure there were no muggles nearby, Sirius put one hand on Harry’s shoulder. The boy looked up with a mix of admiration and excitement. With a flash of sunlight, they were gone as though they had never existed at all.</p><p>***</p><p>Sirius returned from the Quidditch World Cup late on the evening of the nineteenth of August, flushed and delighted. Remus was tucked into bed, attempting to write and failing miserably. A half-drunk cup of tea lingered on his nightstand, and Sirius almost knocked it over with his grandiose recreations of Ireland and Bulgaria’s dramatic showdown. It was nothing short of a perfect occasion in his eyes. Harry had loved the spectacle of the cheering fans and the sport, the Weasleys had been overjoyed with Sirius’s generosity, and the entire occasion had gone off without a hitch. Sirius explained how Viktor Krum had managed a spectacular Wronski Feint and was going into the mechanics of it until he noticed that Remus looked decidedly ill, and his mouth snapped shut. He settled down on the edge of Remus’s large four-poster bed. </p><p>“Do you need anything?” Sirius asked, his carefree attitude quickly sinking into worry. His forehead was creased and his lips were turned decidedly downwards. Remus managed a smile.</p><p>“Poppy Pomfrey? That you?”</p><p>“I saw the old bird at Hogwarts last year. She was looking better than ever, if you ask me.”</p><p>Remus groaned, out of annoyance rather than pain. “No one was asking you, Sirius.” </p><p>Sirius flashed a brilliant smile. Then the line of his mouth, usually quirked upwards or spread open in a grin, became grim. “I know the full…might be weird. I mean, we had June, but then not July…which I’m sorry about, I really am, I just couldn’t think of where to leave Harry and I didn’t want to just leave him by himself…but I can’t stop thinking about you spending all of those moons by yourself while I was…you know.”</p><p>“Sirius. Padfoot. Please. Really, we don’t have to think about it. Or talk about it. The past is the past, and–”</p><p>“But the past isn’t always the past. You know. Sometimes, it’s the present and we can’t just ignore that.”</p><p>Remus arched an eyebrow and sat up. “Are you trying to talk about something that isn’t the moon, Sirius?”</p><p>Sirius picked at a dark thread hanging from his Led Zeppelin t-shirt. It was faded enough to look like Sirius had owned it since the early Eighties. In fact, Remus realized, it <i>was</i> from the early Eighties. It was one of Sirius’s old favorites, one that he had worn almost every day for an entire summer. The two of them had bought it together in the spring of 1980 in a shop in SoHo – Sirius looking gorgeous and brave as he tugged on Remus’s hand, Remus shy and coloring easily as men and women alike eyed Sirius lasciviously.</p><p>“Maybe.” He said, finally. “Are you?” </p><p>Remus opened his mouth and then closed it suddenly as a riot of pain shot through him. He bit back what would surely be a howl if he dared open his mouth. </p><p>With unmistakable tenderness, Sirius gently pushed him back until he was lying down in a sea of pillows. “You have that look on your face. Go to sleep, okay? You need your rest. We can…we can talk whenever.”</p><p>“Okay,” Remus muttered sleepily, for indeed, his body was awash with a suddenly unbearable exhaustion. And then out of muscle memory or something else, he felt himself exhale into an “I love you.”</p><p>His eyes were shut, and in the treacherous moonlight, he would not have been able to see the flash of sheer happiness on Sirius’s face. Nor was he able to hear Sirius’s response:</p><p>“I love you too, Moony. Good night.”</p><p>***</p><p>In the end, they never managed to have that conversation, perhaps intentionally on Sirius’s part or just by a stroke of luck. Just as well, Remus thought privately. Perhaps it would have ruined their precarious balance of peace and friendship. Slipping back into their animal selves on the night of the full moon had been comforting, like remembering the name of a song he had once loved and since forgotten. They had prowled through the Lake District – the world that the Romantic poets had loved and chosen to devote their writings to, and which the fully human side of Remus would have loved to visit to write and read and think – with unmistakable joy.</p><p> Two days later, they fetched Harry from the Weasleys’, where the deference that he showed Mrs. Weasley and his eagerness to help her clearly rubbed Sirius in a sore spot, and then it was time for Harry to return for his final stint of Grimmauld Place for the summer. There was a trip to Diagon Alley for Harry’s new robes at Madame Malkin’s (the boy seemed to have sprouted even more over the course of the last few weeks of August) and last-minute purchases that Remus insisted he needed from Flourish and Blotts, and a glorious sundae at Fortescue’s after Sirius’s puppy-eyed requests.</p><p>The closest that they got to the conversation hanging over them was the night before Remus and Harry were set to return to Hogwarts. Harry was fast asleep (or, more likely, reading comic books underneath the comics). Remus was reading <i>Defensive Magical Theory</i> for the tenth time. Sirius was drinking an expensive-looking whiskey from a crystal bottle and staring moodily at the fireplace, which was roaring for some inexplicable reason. Sirius had charmed it to not emit any heat so that he could turn it on for aesthetic purposes.</p><p>“Heard a rumor that the Triwizard Tournament almost came back this year, and it might just still happen.” Sirius said suddenly.</p><p>Remus turned to look at him. Sirius was sitting in a velvet, high-backed chair in a thrilling turquoise. In the shadows of the fireplace, he looked older and more worn out, as though all of the years of Azkaban had suddenly unleashed their claws on him.</p><p>“Actually? I thought they outlawed that ages ago, I remember studying it in seventh year. How’d you find out?”</p><p>“Arthur Weasley let it slip. He’s not exactly the best secret keeper. But Dumbledore isn’t even sure whether it’s going to happen. Apparently he’s meeting with the heads of Beauxbatons and Durmstrang in two weeks.” </p><p>“Well,” Remus said carefully, as he wasn’t quite sure where Sirius was going with this, “I trust Harry will have enough common sense to not sign up for it even if it does happen.”</p><p>“I just feel like it may be a lot, you know? Dumbledore apparently is all for it, says that we’ve avoided a bunch of close calls and it’s all in the name of wizarding solidarity. I know Harry won’t sign up even if Dumbledore decides to go through with it, but how can I keep him safe from everything while I’m sitting pretty here in London?”</p><p>“And pretty you shall sit,” Remus said absentmindedly. Then, he frowned. “I’m not exactly a head of cabbage, you know, Sirius. I am Harry’s professor, after all. And for better or worse, at least someone thinks I’m qualified in Defense Against the Dark Arts. I love Harry and you know that. James and Lily asked both of us to keep Harry safe, and I intend to keep that promise.”</p><p>Sirius’s eyes glazed over. It had been fourteen years, but it was difficult to forget the boyish glee with which James and Lily had introduced them to their small, messy-haired son, and Sirius’s thrilled expression when he was asked to be godfather. Remus had been expecting Sirius to be asked and yet had felt a small sting of being second-best. But Lily had gotten close to him and pulled him aside, and told them that even if Sirius were godfather in name, Remus was a second godfather by heart, and it was both of their jobs to take care of Harry. Lily always knew how to apply a panacea to a wounded heart. It was one of her finest qualities, and it was what made her a fantastic Healer. Remus felt his stomach swoop as he thought of his kind, brilliant friend.</p><p>“I know.” Sirius said in a small voice. “I just want to keep him safe. And you.”</p><p>“I know how to keep myself safe, Sirius. I’ve done it by myself for a long time.” </p><p>“Yes, but you shouldn’t have to do it all by yourself.”</p><p>He pushed himself off the armchair and went to sit next to Remus on the chaise. Sirius laid down until his legs were dangling off the side and his head was in Remus’s lap. Remus began to stroke his hair with one hand, holding his book open with the other and looking at it with unseeing eyes. Sirius’s dark hair was soft and glossy, and Remus wound one strand and then another around his fingers. Sirius reached behind him and grabbed onto Remus’s arm. He pulled on it gently and kissed the inside of his wrist gently, kissing upwards, over the satin pajamas that Sirius himself had bought with Uncle Alphard’s money. <i>Defensive Magical Theory </i> slid to the floor.  </p><p>Sirius said something under his breath in French and pulled himself up. “I need to do something. I’ll see you in the morning. Don’t stay up too late being boring.” </p><p>Remus looked quizzical, and felt the ache of disappointment lurking within him. “Sirius?”</p><p>Sirius ignored him and hurried up the stairs. Though Remus wanted more than anything to know what had made him start, he knew that once Sirius got in one of his moods, he was secretive and disinclined to let anyone – even, and sometimes especially Remus – interfere. He pushed forward and finished his read-through of <i>Defensive Magical Theory</i> with more than a little irritation.</p><p>The next morning, Sirius was full of smiles, surprising Remus, who was expecting a typical Sirius Black sulk session. Harry was sadly pushing around his porridge, which he had overwhelmed with brown sugar and cinnamon. Sirius had offered to make Kreacher make a giant breakfast of French toast and pancakes, but Harry had declined.</p><p>“Cheer up, you’ll be here at the Christmas holidays,” Sirius said, nudging his godson on the shoulder. “And you can owl me whenever. Fact, I expect Hedwig to be here more often than she’s not.” </p><p>Harry’s snow white owl hooted indignantly. </p><p>“I know, and the summer’s been brilliant and all. I was just…er…won’t you be lonely?”</p><p>“Of course not. I’ll have Kreacher.”</p><p>Kreacher, who had been carrying a plant from one pot to another, eyed him with irritation. Sirius blew him a kiss. Harry snorted into his porridge and Remus choked on his toast.</p><p>Remus looked delicately at his wristwatch, a hand-me-down from his father that Sirius had charmed to work even in magical settings. The brown leather band was worn and faded at this point, and felt more like a part of him than his own skin sometimes. He stood up.</p><p>“We should get going if we’re going to get to Kings Cross on time. Harry, do you have all your school things?”</p><p>Harry nodded soundlessly and jutted his chin towards the packed trunks, Hedwig’s cage sitting neatly on top and the Firebolt leaning against them. The gesture was so unmistakably James that Remus smiled.</p><p>“Are you sure you don’t want to come see us off?” Harry urged.</p><p>“Oh, you have Moony with you, it’s a quick Floo trip, and besides…I don’t want to cramp your style,” Sirius said easily. Remus knew the truth – Sirius had been hounded mercilessly by the press every time that they had been in wizarding London. Everyone wanted to break an exclusive interview with him on his time in Azkaban, his thoughts on his now-deceased family members, his opinions on his cousins, and his re-entry into the gentility of wizarding society. Sirius loved the spotlight and adored being the center of attention, but hated being pressed on sensitive conversation topics by the shameless press. They had only been able to enjoy their time in Diagon Alley because he had spent the entire time as Padfoot. Remus also guessed that Sirius refused to feel like the one left behind after so many years on Platform Nine-and-Three-Quarters being the one headed off into the direction of magical mischief and adventures.</p><p>Harry looked downcast. For a moment, Remus could see Sirius reconsidering, and then he shook out of it.</p><p>“Now come on. You’re going to be late.” Sirius said, standing up and embracing Harry. Harry was up to his chest at this point and was surely destined to be taller than his godfather. “Make lots of mistakes but hopefully not too many, otherwise Moony will dock points off his own house like a swot. Study hard. Remember to do your homework sometimes and practice Quidditch as much as you can without hurting yourself. And if you do hurt yourself, Pomfrey will patch you right up. Stay close to Hermione and Ron, and if there’s anything even slightly amiss, tell Moony and me, okay?” </p><p>Harry rolled his eyes good-naturedly at the speech, but Remus noticed him hugging Sirius even more tightly. The two finally let go after a minute, and Remus faced Sirius shyly.</p><p>“It was good having you here this summer, Moony.” </p><p>“It was good being here,” Remus said, resisting the urge to smooth down the back of his hair.</p><p>“You’ll come back for Christmas, right? All of us here together?”</p><p>“Oh, oh, I mean…I didn’t know if the invite was open past this summer.”</p><p>“You know that you’re always welcome here and in whatever home I ever have, Remus,” Sirius replied softly. </p><p>“Have you purchased a chateau in France that we should know about?” Remus asked.</p><p>Sirius smiled slyly. “Something like that.” </p><p>Remus felt like the air in the room had been depleted when Sirius smiled at him like that. </p><p>***</p><p>The Great Hall was as stunning as it had ever been, the bewitched ceiling reflecting a clear and starry night sky. After giving Harry, Hermione, and Ron a bright smile, and waving to some students from last year, Remus took his seat at the teacher’s dais at the very front. He tried with all of his might to shake off the pain that had sat within him since he had left Grimmauld Place when he greeted his fellow teachers. He normally sat between Professor McGonagall and Professor Flitwick, who was nowhere to be seen. Professor McGonagall smiled at him as he slid into his wooden chair.</p><p>“Good summer, Professor Lupin?”</p><p>“Oh yes, thank you, Professor McGonagall. Thank you for the lovely note on the new Ministry defense theory guidance. Yourself?” </p><p>“It was satisfactory, yes,” she said briskly. “Now, Lupin, about Black–” </p><p>“Yes, he sends his love. Er. Regards?”</p><p>She looked annoyed, but was interrupted suddenly by Dumbledore’s great booming voice. After making it through a parade of welcomes, announcements, and warnings directed mostly to the Weasley twins and a very sheepish Harry, he turned to face the teachers around him and then swiveled back to the crowd. </p><p>“It is my pleasure to announce that Professor Flitwick has chosen to spend his year on sabbatical, debating and researching the most elaborate charm theories. In his absence, I am pleased to make two new announcements. One, Professor Sinistra will kindly be taking over his position as Head of Ravenclaw House.” At this, the Ravenclaw table cheered. The rest clapped politely. </p><p>“It is also my distinct pleasure to announce – after quite a bit of wheedling on my behalf – Professor Flitwick’s yearlong replacement and our temporary Charms professor, Mr. Sirius Black.” </p><p>The students, who by now had spent an entire year hearing the rumors and myths alike about the man who had been imprisoned for twelve years and was now freer than a hippogriff, gasped. The Slytherins seemed intrigued. The Ravenclaws looked skeptical. The Hufflepuffs clapped excitedly. And the Gryffindors roared. Harry looked like a glass of water had been poured on his head. Ron, next to him, looked dumbfounded. Hermione seemed confused. Remus…well, he could not keep from feeling as though he had been hit with a particularly powerful body-binding curse. Sirius entered the Great Hall with a bravado that befit him. With his elegant robes and dazzling smile, Sirius looked every bit the young aristocrat that he had been the day he walked into Hogwarts in 1971. He bowed dramatically until the applause died down. Someone wolf-whistled from the back, to a shock of laughter.</p><p>Sirius slid in next to Remus, winked at Professor McGonagall enthusiastically (she pointedly ignored him with a tight smile, clearly wondering how many times over Dumbledore was going to force her to live out purgatory in real life) and then grinned wickedly at Remus.</p><p>“You didn’t think I’d let you two have all the fun, did you? Come on, Moony, you know me better than that, surely. Now pass the butter. It’s going to be a great year.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Right, well what’s this, then?” Harry demanded. “I want an explanation.”</p><p>Harry, Sirius, and Remus were all standing about in the otherwise-empty Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom as a crush of students made their way from the Great Hall to their dormitories. Had Percy Weasley still been a prefect instead of tending to cauldron specifications at the Ministry, he certainly would have ordered Harry to stay with his pride of Gryffindors rather than be permitted to have a word with Remus and Sirius after dinner. Percy had been a talented, though fastidious student, Remus remembered. His obsession with rules had made him quite technically gifted, yet his creative hesitation kept him from being the most talented dueler in the class.</p><p>“Did you know about this?” Harry asked Remus suddenly, breaking him out of his musings on his former students.</p><p>“Absolutely not,” Remus said mildly. “But I assume Sirius called us here to explain why exactly he decided to take up Professor Flitwick’s mantle without telling us.”</p><p>He glanced up at Sirius, who was at the front of the classroom. Sirius was draped over the desk where Remus would begin teaching in just a few days. Remus was walking through the aisles at the back of the classroom, removing gum that Peeves had no doubt pressed onto the floor. Harry was closest to the windows, arms crossed, leaning against the wall with a frown.</p><p>Sirius was clearly surprised to have such a negative reaction from his godson. In fact, he looked more bewildered than repentant. “I thought you wanted me here, Harry? You were just telling me this morning how much you wished that I was coming to Hogwarts with you too.”</p><p>Harry exhaled sharply. He looked more like a sullen teenager than Remus had ever seen him. But it was true, he reasoned, that Harry was certainly entitled to act like one. Harry had already been forced to live through so much sorrow and grief as a young child and a young teenager. He had faced Lord Voldemort three times before – once, before he could even remember. He had spent ten difficult years living with the Dursleys, who bullied him relentlessly. Even upon arriving at Hogwarts, he had been singled out and ridiculed at times for the scar on his head. This cumulative pain had given Harry a kind of maturity that was difficult to come across. Remus had only seen it once before, a sort of latent maturity that would one day blossom in his student Neville Longbottom. Harry’s maturity showed in the way that he opened his heart to love: love from Sirius, love from him, and love from his friends and their families. Yet Harry was also a teenaged boy, just barely fourteen, and angst-ridden in his own way. Anyone looking at him now would not have doubted that.</p><p>“Well of course I mentioned that I would have wanted you here, Sirius, but I meant…I don’t know. I meant like, you’d buy a house in Hogsmeade or something and we could all get butterbeer together. I didn’t think you’d <em>actually</em> be here, as a full professor.”</p><p>“Well,” Sirius said thoughtfully, “I’m not actually a full professor. I’m a visiting –”</p><p>“The point is,” Remus interrupted dangerously, giving Sirius a warning glance, “Both Harry and I would like to know how you never found it convenient enough to tell us you’d be coming with us. We spent the whole summer feeling sorry that we’d leave without you, Sirius.”</p><p><em>And guilty</em>, a small voice within him whispered. Remus waved that part of him away and blasted off a piece of gum with enough force to create a crater in the floor.</p><p>Sirius hunched over in the chair. He looked as sullen as Harry did for a moment, and then cheered up as he surveyed his former 12 Grimmauld Place housemates. “Well the thing is…I didn’t decide that I <em>was </em>going to come until yesterday.”</p><p>“Yesterday?” Remus yelped. He knew that Sirius could be impulsive, and his impulsivity had only skyrocketed since being released from Azkaban, but this was more shocking than he expected. “You made this decision <em>yesterday</em>?”</p><p>“Yes,” Sirius said, lifting his chin defiantly. “Dumbledore spent the entire summer asking me to join. Part of me thinks it’s because he knows he owes me for…Merlin, I don’t know, twelve years that he refused to answer a single letter of mine? For not defending me at all? For not using his power to ask for a full trial for me?”</p><p>“Anyways,” Sirius said, clearly shocked by his own sudden bitterness, “I turned him down. Told I didn’t need any publicity, and anyways, I would’ve been a terrible teacher. I said, Albie, look to someone else.” Sirius fell silent for a moment. Remus rolled his eyes. He was so used to Sirius’s dramatic stories and his pregnant pauses that it felt like Sirius was reading from a script.</p><p>“So what did Dumbledore say?” Harry said, curiosity getting the best of him.</p><p>Sirius cocked his head to the side with a charming arrogance that for some inexplicable reason made Remus weak in the knees. He seemed to regain some of the confidence that he had clearly exuded in the Great Hall. “Well, he said that he remembered my skill back in the classroom and had thought about my charms – my actual ability to charm things, not my delightful personality – for a while. Old man said that he had never seen such curious use of charmwork, not since Flitwick himself was a youngster.”</p><p>“And he was willing to wait until the day before September first to try to coax you into taking the job?” Remus said, half in disbelief. Sirius was undoubtedly talented in Charms – second in their year and only behind Lily Evans – but Remus could not believe that there were no other talented witches or wizards willing to take the position.</p><p>Sirius cracked a smile. “Oh Moony. Ye of little faith. Well, it turns out that Dumbledore has pretty piss-poor time management skills. He asked a bunch of people after he asked me, but all of them had already accepted other positions. Turns out the Ministry is trying to fund charms – that’s part of what Arthur Weasley told me at dinner last week – and so there are all these prestigious fellowships just flying around. Part of the reason Flitwick took sabbatical, after all. So Dumbledore asked me again, begging, practically. And I accepted yesterday.”</p><p>“Why did you wait until the very last minute to agree?” Harry asked, perplexed.</p><p>“Because your godfather has a penchant for drama,” Remus said simply, interrupting Sirius. “Don’t you remember the night at the Shrieking Shack? He spoke in riddles for at least five good minutes.”</p><p>Harry grinned. “Of course. He walked in there and me and Hermione and Ron swore up and down he was about to murder us. Absolutely mad! And then he refused to say we were wrong for ten minutes. I could’ve killed him! Bonkers, I tell you.”</p><p>Remus smiled. Sirius frowned at this commiseration between Remus and Harry at his expense.</p><p>“Harry, are you upset?” Sirius asked, thoughtful to the point of sounding grave. “Because if you are…and you don’t want me here, I can ask Dumbledore to dismiss me and he can probably ask someone else to teach Charms. Maybe a goblin or an elf would be available to teach, they can handle some really brilliant charms…” His shoulders hunched forward again.</p><p>Remus and Harry exchanged a look. Harry hurried over to the teacher’s desk and put an encouraging hand on Sirius’s shoulder.</p><p>“Look, er, Sirius. Or, should I call you Professor Black?”</p><p>Remus stifled a laugh. Sirius shot him a dirty look.</p><p>“I like you being here, okay? I was just getting used to the idea of being back here with Remus – er, Professor Lupin, after being friends with him the whole summer, even though no one knows that. And now my godfather is teaching here, too. And I mean, most people don’t know you’re my godfather or anything, only Ron and Hermione and maybe some other people who get caught up in all that gossipy rubbish. But – I mean, er, as long as you don’t treat me any differently in class or act embarrassing or anything, it’ll be brilliant having you here.”</p><p>Sirius looked triumphant. “Really?”</p><p>Harry beamed. “Just don’t act strange about it or anything.” He paused for a moment and his face lit up. “Do you think you could manage to take some points off Malfoy for breathing too loudly in class?”</p><p>“Of course,” Sirius said easily, just as Remus flatly replied, “absolutely not.”</p><p>“Excellent. I’ve got to find Ron and Hermione…they’ll be wondering where I am. And why you’re here, of course.”</p><p>Remus checked his wristwatch. “It’s nearly ten, Harry. You better head on up to bed.”</p><p>Harry nodded. For a moment, despite the austere setting of the classroom and the fact that all three of them were wearing robes rather than their more practical muggle clothes, it was just like their summer back in Grimmauld Place, after Sirius had let Harry stay up a little too late listening to stories about James and their hijinks. Remus would gently usher Harry up to bed despite his protestations of not being tired, and Sirius would loudly accuse Remus of being a killjoy before agreeing that Harry should get to sleep.</p><p>“Alright. After tonight, you’re Professor Black, and you’re Professor Lupin.”</p><p>“That’s right, Mr. Potter,” Sirius said, with the high, polished voice of a toff. “You better hurry up before I deduct ten points from Slytherin.”</p><p>Harry looked quizzical. “I’m not in Slytherin.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>There was a moment of silence before Harry and Sirius burst out laughing simultaneously. Even Remus couldn’t resist smiling at the giddy looks on both their faces.</p><p>“Bye Remus, bye Sirius,” Harry said, wiping at his eyes. “Guess I don’t need to send Hedwig out to London, right?”</p><p>“That’s right. Unless she wants to drop a dungbomb on top of Kreacher, in which case, she’s very welcome to travel to Grimmauld Place.”</p><p>Harry grinned wildly at both of them and slipped out the door. They waited until they could hear his footsteps faintly, and then not at all.</p><p>“Well, dinner was delicious. Haven’t had pudding that good since Harry’s birthday.” Sirius said lightly, knuckles rapping on the mahogany desk that Remus would begin littering with papers and knickknacks tomorrow.</p><p>“Oh really? I wasn’t paying much attention, with you showing up out of the blue and everything.”</p><p>“You barely talked to me at dinner! I wanted to point out how ridiculous Snape looked. He looked like he wanted to choke on his chicken. Too bad he didn’t.”</p><p>Remus frowned. “We are – somehow, inexplicably – professors. We can’t say things like that about other professors, even Snape.”</p><p>Sirius looked furious. “Dumbledore told me that Snivellus wanted to expose you to the whole student body. Did you forget who goes here? Nott’s kid? Malfoy’s spawn? Crabbe and Goyle’s offspring? They practically wrote the Ministry laws on werewolves, or at least paid for them to be awful. You’re just going to forgive him like that? Offer him sausages at dinner as though he wouldn’t have ruined your entire career?”</p><p>Remus threw his hands in the air and perched on top of a desk at the very front of the room, folding his long legs under him. “Severus has been kind enough to brew me Wolfsbane Potion during the academic year so that I can keep my bloody mind during the full moon despite the fact that he hates me. That is worth its weight in galleons. What he wanted to do is irrelevant. What matters is what he did.”</p><p>“He would’ve hurt you in a moment.”</p><p>“Anyone can hurt anyone in a moment, given the right set of facts,” Remus added meaningfully.</p><p>Sirius looked down at the floor. “He’s an arse, Moony. And I still hate him. But I’ll be polite <em>just for you</em>, okay? So get that look off your face. Everything is going to be just fine.”</p><p>Remus gave Sirius a suspicious look. “Have you even prepped any syllabi yet? Classes start tomorrow, Sirius.”</p><p>“I thought you could help me out. You know, like the old days.”</p><p>Remus snorted. “You know we teach different subjects, Sirius? Loads of good it’ll do you to crib off my syllabus, unless you suddenly want to teach how to spot and charm a vampire.”</p><p>“I actually charmed a vampire back in ’79. She was completely enamored by me. Tried to land a bite on me and everything.”</p><p>“You did no such thing,” Remus scoffed, “And I can already tell that your little charmed joke is going to be more annoying than your Sirius/serious name joke. Which, as James kindly would inform you, was completely exhausted twenty years ago.”</p><p>They both paused to marvel at the fact that Remus was not, in fact, exaggerating when he said that Sirius’s joke had grown old twenty years ago. More than two decades had passed since they had first met. Certainly, Sirius’s pun on his name had grown stale by their fourth year. Remus felt a little flutter of glee as he remembered James yelling at Sirius at the breakfast table, pelting him with biscuits after he had finally grown tired of Sirius making the same joke twenty times over.</p><p>Sirius stuck his lip out in a ridiculous scowl. “Oh, come off it. What makes you so sure I wasn’t with a vampire in ’79, Moony?”</p><p>“Because you were with me in ’79, you tosser.” Remus said with a soft smirk. He couldn’t help it: something about the two of them being back at Hogwarts had created a restless playfulness in him that had been missing during the placidity of the summer. “Though maybe you just have a thing for dark creatures.”</p><p>Sirius bit back a smile. “Bugger.”</p><p>Remus felt a sudden stream of warmth run up and down his back when he saw how Sirius was looking at him. The affection on his face was mixed with a brazen devil-may-care attitude that was reflected in his entire body and permeated all parts of him: the confident slouch as he dangled his legs over the professor’s chair that technically belonged to Remus; the slender neck that rose out of his slightly opened white shirt and pristine black robes; and the graceful wrists that led to long, sure fingers. Remus shook his head, refusing to be transfixed by Sirius Black four hours into what would surely be a bizarre year working together.</p><p>“Flitwick left me the better part of his curriculum. All I have to do is…ahem…adjust it. Maybe I’ll have the second years try out the colour changing charm on their hair.”</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus said warningly, though he was fighting back a laugh remembering when Sirius himself had mastered it as a twelve-year-old and forced Peter to walk around the school for nearly a week with shocking magenta hair.</p><p>Sirius leapt off the chair and straight into Remus’s arms. Remus nearly toppled off the desk and onto the floor, but managed to balance himself just in time.</p><p>“I’m glad I’m here with you, Moony. It’s going to be fun. I just wish we were still roommates and could stay up late together to gossip and whatever.”</p><p><em>Roommates?</em> Remus wondered, a faint cry of disappointment welling up within him. <em>He wants to be roommates</em>?</p><p>“It’ll certainly be different,” Remus replied delicately. “But you know that my door is always open to you, Padfoot. You’re my best friend.”</p><p>“You’re mine too, Remus. You’re my best friend.” Sirius said quietly, and he took both his hands in his, Remus’s scarred hands made fresh and new again while clasped in Sirius’s. These moments of tenderness that passed between them couldn’t just mean nothing, right? There had to be something there. Remus felt dizzy at the thought that he could be right…or dreadfully wrong. Sirius was the prince of mixed signals, after all, something that Remus had become quite familiar with during the start of their sixth year at Hogwarts.</p><p>Whatever intimacy passed between them was rudely interrupted by Peeves, who had decided to smash an inkwell at the entrance of the classroom and then zoom through it. He paused to make some rude expressions at Sirius and Remus, who quickly separated.</p><p>“<em>Loony, loopy Lupin, and his best friend Black the Murderer, back together! Ooooh look at him, I bet he was guilty after all. Who’s going to die in the castle this yea</em>r?” Peeves cackled.</p><p>Sirius opened his mouth to send a hex his way, but Remus was ahead of him. Remembering Dean Thomas’s shocked face last fall during his very first lesson with the Gryffindor third years, he smiled as he pointed his wand at Peeves and recited, “Waddiwasi!”</p><p>Peeves rushed away in a gust of wind, a piece of dried gum up his nose. He hurled a mouthful of obscenities at both of them.</p><p>Sirius turned to look at Remus with gentle pride. “That’s my Moony.”</p><p>“It’s Professor Lupin to you, Black.”</p><p>***</p><p>After the first week of school, there was no doubt that Sirius Black was the most popular professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, perhaps ever. To Remus’s eternal surprise, he was a talented teacher, though he hated sitting down with textbooks. He preferred practical displays of what charms could accomplish in the hopes that this would persuade his students to try harder. He liked to charm his classrooms to have different sceneries and settings, so that students might one day walk into a room that was an arctic tundra, with Sirius handing out parka coats at the front. Another day, the classroom would be charmed to look like the beaches of Miami, Florida, where Sirius had always wanted to go in his youth, and the students would apply Shrinking Charms to palm trees and Engorgement Charms to seashells. He would apply casual charms to students when they weren’t paying attention, so that Fred and George Weasley once walked out of class emitting blue sparks whenever they spoke rather than being able to say anything properly. Sirius would teach Cheering Charms per Flitwick’s curriculum and then offer fifteen points to the individual who could figure out how to charm Moaning Myrtle (charming her was both a success and a failure, as Myrtle grew so gleeful from the charms that she flooded the entire bathroom for a day straight). He seemed to get a thrill out of teaching obscure but useful or entertaining charms. Even Hermione, whom Remus trusted to give a fairer assessment of teaching than most, seemed pleased that she was learning so many intricate charms.</p><p>No one could deny that Sirius’s magnetic personality and significant public history had paved the way for his success in the classroom and his popularity outside of it. Even the Slytherins, who knew all about Sirius’s family and how he had turned away from the Black pureblood lifestyle that many of them prized, were genuinely intrigued about his past. Sirius usually had a guard escorting him from class to class, as students would crowd around him in the hallway under the pretense of asking questions about charms and in reality, trying to get information about his time in Azkaban and the infamy that had made him the most wanted criminal in England last year. To their chagrin, Sirius refused to budge past the Ministry-approved version, the one that did not involve becoming an illegal Animagus at the age of fifteen so that he could support his werewolf best friend.</p><p>((The Ministry-approved story went as follows: the Ministry had not in fact been incompetent in locating Sirius the previous year. Rather, after a reliable tip that Sirius was in fact innocent, the Ministry had permitted Sirius to escape from prison to find Peter Pettigrew, and with the help of Professor Lupin and Professor Snape (whose nostrils flared up every time he heard Sirius allude to his presence on that fateful night in the Shrieking Shack), had managed to find him and secure a confession. Remus, Sirius, and Harry all found the Ministry version ridiculous, but agreed to go along with it to keep Remus from being discovered as a werewolf and Sirius from being exposed as an Animagus. Harry, of course, was assumed to have played a role in helping the Ministry locate Peter Pettigrew.))</p><p>To their credit, the students were not deterred from trying to elicit as much information about Sirius's life as possible. They began to hound him about other details about his life under the pretense of learning about charms. They asked which charmwork he felt was the handiest in the real world and whether he used any charms to beautify himself on a daily basis (that one earned a real laugh from Sirius, who admitted that he sometimes used charms to cut his hair if he was too lazy to get it done). Angelina Johnson struck gold when she cleverly asked him which charms he had used the most in school, which led Sirius down a path of nostalgia as he reminisced aloud about the Marauders and their legendary pranks. The class exchanged satisfied glances. Finally, they had landed on something that would grant them more insight into their professor’s life without censorship.</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus said urgently one day during the second week of school, after overhearing Sirius telling a boisterous story in the hallway about the time that the Marauders had figured out how to charm every teacher’s alarm to not ring in the morning. He pulled Sirius into a nook near the Charms classroom. “You can’t tell them that it’s me.”</p><p>“That what’s you?” Sirius asked.</p><p>“Hi Professor Lupin,” a Hufflepuff fourth-year said amicably as she rounded the corner and passed him. “Hi, Professor Black,” she added after noticing Sirius standing there, her voice pitched distinctly higher. Spots of pink bloomed on her cheeks, and she began walking more quickly.</p><p>They both greeted her enthusiastically, trying and failing to keep the notes of amusement out of their tones.</p><p>“I reckon they’re all mad for you,” Remus said idly.</p><p>“Are they?” Sirius asked, arching a dark eyebrow. “I thought they were all entranced by my magnetic personality and delightful storytelling abilities, not to mention my spectacular charming talents.”</p><p>“Oh please,” Remus huffed, “Remember at dinner last night? I couldn’t get three words to you or to Hagrid without someone interrupting us – <em>hi Professor Black, so nice to see you Professor Black, would you like this pudding, Professor Black, would you like to sit with us, Professor Black</em>. I overheard a Slytherin girl asking her friends if they knew what scents you liked best so she could make a love potion out of it.”</p><p>Sirius lowered his voice. “Scents, you say, Moony? I’d say I’m particularly fond of the smell of English breakfast tea, old, damp, especially boring books, and illicit cigarettes smoked at midnight up near the Astronomy Tower.”</p><p>Remus blushed furiously. “Stop joking around, Sirius.”</p><p>“You’re the one who pulled me into this dark corner, Moony.”</p><p>“Merlin’s beard, Sirius,” Remus groaned. “I was trying to get your attention so that you wouldn’t accidentally reveal to a class of Slytherins that your friend Moony, who just so happened to be the mastermind behind the alarm clock prank, is actually their mild-mannered Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. I don’t need them taking up my class time to ask me questions about what you were like in school. I’d just tell everyone you were a nuisance.”</p><p>Sirius burst out laughing. “I am a nuisance. Would you honestly describe yourself as mild-mannered? That’s such a front, Moony. I take back what I said to Harry this summer. You were just as reckless as the rest of us. You just had more brains, that’s all.”</p><p>“That’s not quite right. You and James were…are…very talented,” Remus argued.</p><p>“Not as talented as you,” Sirius said shortly. “Where would our pranks have been without you? We would’ve been lowered to stealing all the Slytherins’ underpants or something, and you know Snivellus’s alone would have stunk up the whole of Gryffindor Tower.”</p><p>Remus grinned despite himself. “That’s Professor Snape, Sirius.”</p><p>“Yes, indeed, Lupin. Perhaps you can teach your mutt to use the proper honorific,” a silky voice drawled from behind them. They whipped around to face Severus Snape, looking rather disgusted with both of them.</p><p>“Good afternoon, Severus,” Remus said kindly.</p><p>“Snivellus, shouldn’t you be off using the grease from your hair to light the burners in the kitchens?” Sirius asked, mock-genuinely.</p><p>“I suggest, Professor,” Snape said, though the way that he spat the word made it sound very unkind indeed, “that you head off to class. I believe that the Gryffindor fourth years are eagerly awaiting your arrival, a class that unfortunately includes Mr. Potter. See to it that your presence here does not make his already inflated head…burst.”</p><p>Sirius looked about ready to curse the hair off Snape’s head, but Remus stamped on his foot. “Yes, Severus, you’re right. Look at the time. I’m late for a conversation with Professor McGonagall, and Sirius needs to get to class.”</p><p>“You’ve got a talk with Minnie? Without me? Are you getting detention?” Sirius said eagerly, turning his attention away from Snape as though he were an embarrassing smell. Remus kept one eye on Snape as he marched down the hallway, dark robes billowing behind him.</p><p>“No,” Remus laughed, “I just needed an excuse to end this conversation with Severus.”</p><p>Sirius looked mildly disappointed. “And here I was, thinking you’d be getting in trouble because you’d bewitched the coats of armor to sing Sir Elton off-key at Filch every time he passed by.”</p><p>“Sirius, that was <em>you</em>.”</p><p>“Ah yes. You’re right. See you for dinner, Moony.”</p><p>***</p><p>The full moon fell on the nineteenth of September. Though the Wolfsbane Potion that Snape concocted for Remus would keep him from losing his full self on the night of the moon, the effects were clear to just about everyone who paid attention to him. There was no doubt that Professor Lupin seemed more haggard, even though he kept up a brave, tired smile with his students. Two days before the full, his energy was almost extinguished completely. He nearly collapsed in his chair at the end of a particularly lively demonstration of Expelliarmus with the second-year Ravenclaws and Slytherins, staring blankly up at the ceiling. He was set to have tea with Harry in his office soon, but he could not bring himself to get up. Though his office was just next door to the classroom, the walk seemed almost unbearable for him to handle. His eyes closed of their own volition.</p><p>“Er, Professor Lupin?” A pause. “Remus? Are you okay?”</p><p>Remus’s eyes shot open, away from the ceiling, and towards Harry, who was hovering near the middle of the classroom.</p><p>“Harry,” Remus said, rubbing at his eyes vigorously, “I hope I’m not late to tea.”</p><p>“Nearly – I passed by and saw you here because the door was open.”</p><p>“Well, that’s rather embarrassing,” Remus said mildly, wiping at the side of his mouth to make sure that he had not accidentally drooled on himself. “I hope that no one saw.”</p><p>“Er,” Harry said nervously, “I actually noticed you were still here because Malfoy was standing outside and loudly telling everyone who passed by that you were asleep.”</p><p>“Oh dear,” Remus sighed. “So where is Mr. Malfoy now?”</p><p>A beat.</p><p>“Harry?”</p><p>“Er, Ron and I might have hexed him. But he’s going to be okay, according to Madam Pomfrey. At least, he will be once the tentacles come off him.”</p><p>Remus sighed loudly. “Harry, you shouldn’t feel inclined to defend me, though of course that’s very kind of you. Ordinarily, I’d have to dock five points from Gryffindor for fighting another student in the hallways…”</p><p>Harry looked sheepish.</p><p>“…But, as I didn’t see you or Mr. Weasley doing it, I won’t.” Remus finished, smiling lightly. He heaved himself up to his feet and let Harry lead the way to his office next door. Two sickly-looking Grindylows in a tank made faces at them.</p><p>“Hey, I remember learning about these last year,” Harry said excitedly, tapping his finger lightly against the glass.</p><p>“Indeed,” Remus said, pouring tea for both of them and serving a plate of biscuits with his wand. “Am I remembering correctly that Ron referred to them as looking like ugly gits, just like Mr. Malfoy?”</p><p>Harry snorted into his tea. “Yes. Because they do.”</p><p>Remus half-smiled. “I’m afraid that there will be no similar comparisons this year, since we won’t be learning about them again.”</p><p>“Too bad.”</p><p>Remus asked Harry about Quidditch in the most general terms, which of course prompted Harry to go into a long spiel about the Gryffindor team’s chances at the House Cup this year, Oliver Wood’s departure and future playing career, and a rogue Bludger during practice last week that had nearly concussed Fred Weasley. Remus nodded along politely and asked pointed, interesting questions: he had spent enough time with James and Sirius over his school days to be able to converse about Quidditch, even if he was woeful at playing. Harry had the same expression on his face that James would have as he discussed Quidditch strategies. The two of them looked wildly similar, of course, with their dark skin and shock of messy black hair. Yet unlike Sirius, who sometimes started to call Harry James and then backtracked, Remus seldom confused the two. How could he, when Lily Evans’s eyes were looking straight through him through Harry’s glasses?</p><p>“Are you enjoying classes, Harry?” Remus asked, after a few more minutes of Quidditch talk and another cup of tea for both of them.</p><p>“I wanted to ask about your class actually, Remus,” Harry said, eagerly.</p><p>Remus looked pleased. “I’m delighted to see that Hermione’s interest in curricula has been contagious, Harry.”</p><p>“Well here’s the thing, er, Professor Lupin,” Harry said, and Remus had a sudden flash of James trying to butter up a professor to allow them passes to travel into the restricted section of the library, “I wanted to know whether…er…whether Patronus Charms were on the syllabus for this year for the fourth years.”</p><p>Remus thought for a moment. “Yes, around the Christmas holidays. The theory, of course, but not the practice. It’s too hard for most students to handle. Why do you ask?”</p><p>Harry grinned. “Well…Sirius told a story in class about a prank that you all pulled at school…involving Patronus Charms and Engorgement Charms–” Remus winced, remembering James’s giant antlered Patronus wreaking havoc in the Great Hall, once upon a time. “Anyways, some people want to learn how to do one of their own. I mean, I already can, but other people.”</p><p>Remus smiled softly. “It’s not just any wizard who can produce a corporeal Patronus. To do so at the age of fourteen is incredibly impressive. Though I must say, I can’t believe Sirius’s bad influences are expanding into the domain of Defense Against the Dark Arts already. It’s not even October.”</p><p>“I know that I can’t change the syllabus or anything, but it would be really cool for my friends to produce Patronuses,” Harry pressed eagerly. “Not even for the prank, really, just for other reasons.”</p><p>“I’ll take it under advisement Harry, and will speak to Sirius about sharing too many details about the pranks that we performed back in the day, lest we inspire a new generation of magical mischief-makers.”</p><p>“He didn’t share too many details,” Harry said defensively. “He just showed us how he did it.”</p><p>“Sirius produced a Patronus in front of you all?” Remus asked, curious. He had not seen Sirius’s corporeal Patronus in fifteen years. He remembered it now, the big shaggy dog looking like a ghostly version of Padfoot.</p><p>“Yep. Everyone’s very impressed with it, it looked brilliant.”</p><p>Remus was annoyed. Though he was rarely vain as a professor, he rather enjoyed demonstrating his Patronus despite its unfortunate form for the oohs and aahs it inevitably produced. “Well. It’s not uncommon for people to have dogs as their Patronuses. Of course, I don’t, and you don’t, and your father didn’t. But terriers are very common Patronuses, for example, because of their loyalty –”</p><p>Harry cut him off.</p><p>“But Remus…Sirius’s Patronus isn’t a dog.”</p><p>“Yes it is, Harry." Remus replied patiently. "I’ve seen his Patronus before. Not for a while, but I’ve seen it. It looks like Padfoot.” He drew a crude picture of a dog with his wand, and the outline faded into thin air after a moment.</p><p>“Er. Remus,” Harry said, just as patiently, and Remus got the sense that Harry was trying to speak to him at an elementary level, “I think you’re wrong. Sirius’s Patronus is a wolf.”</p><p>***</p><p>Remus was snappy at dinner that evening. When Sirius asked him why he was in such a bad mood, he jerked his head up towards the ceiling and the bulging moon and started in on a third serving of mashed potatoes. Sirius remained silent and instead started to flirt outrageously with Professor McGonagall, much to her extreme displeasure (and only slight amusement).</p><p>The worst part was that Remus couldn’t even explain why he felt so irritated. Harry’s offhand comment had somehow led Remus down a spiral of hope that had rudely been cut short by a bramble bush of prickly realism. There was no guarantee that Harry had actually correctly perceived Sirius’s Patronus – the boy had eyesight that was almost as bad as James’s – and Padfoot could pass for a smaller wolf if you squinted hard enough. Nor could he ask Sirius what his Patronus was, or whether it had shifted at all. But if it <em>had</em> transformed into a wolf, did it mean anything? Remus had studied enough Patronus Charms to know that people’s Patronuses could change because of intense psychological changes. Yes, sometimes falling in love could change someone’s Patronus, but there had also been studies finding that some with deceased parents often inherited their parent’s Patronus even if they had originally manifested other forms. A set of twins who had been separated at birth and then reunited had their Patronuses shift to match the other’s. Drastic life changes could lead to a change in Patronus, and that was likely what happened here, he reasoned. If Sirius’s Patronus truly was a wolf, then it was likely because it had been such a profound shift from Sirius’s twelve years in Azkaban to living with Remus again – his last remaining friend from his past life. That was the most rational explanation.</p><p>But still, Remus could not help but growl, had Sirius known that his Patronus had changed, or was he just as surprised as Remus was to know that his Patronus was no longer his doglike shape? When had it changed? Had Sirius’s attempts at flirtation recently been genuine, or were they just part of his dynamic, over-the-top personality? What about that night at 12 Grimmauld Place, as Sirius had kissed his wrist with tenderness, if not genuine feeling? What Remus wanted to do more than anything was ask Sirius what his intentions were, but he doubted that Sirius would have wanted to cross that bridge.</p><p>All of the mixed feelings and signs that Sirius had given him since June would have been easier to navigate if Remus had been solid about the status of their relationship even fifteen years ago. When the two of them had gotten together halfway during their sixth year, Sirius had first sworn to Remus that he would tell everyone via Howler and then quickly insisted on hiding their entire relationship – even and especially from James and Peter. Yes, he made bawdy jokes at Remus and flirted with him in public, but he did that with James too, and no one would ever think that he would actually want to sleep with one of his best mates. Instead, the two of them met up in abandoned classrooms, at the top of the Astronomy Tower, and in their room only during Quidditch matches, when James would be on the pitch and Peter in the stands cheering him on. At the very end of sixth year, James had found out by accident and Sirius had been mortified. James swore he wouldn’t tell anyone, but was worried for Sirius, who spent a number of sleepless nights pacing around the grounds, convinced that somehow Regulus and his parents (who by then had disowned him) would find out and somehow make his life even more miserable. He had been distant and cold with Remus for nearly two weeks.</p><p>Remus had smoked through three boxes of cigarettes and listened to a lot of Bowie to shake it all off during that time. He hadn’t wanted Sirius to feel as though he needed to out himself if he wasn’t ready. Yet his heart swooped when he thought of losing that light in his life. The prospect of losing Sirius felt not so much like missing a single star but an entire galaxy. When Sirius had finally apologized and kissed him in front of everyone, without repentance or even a semblance of regret, to shocked hollers and supportive whoops at the last party of their sixth year, Remus had felt his insides lighting up with an incandescent glow that was almost painful. It was a thoughtless moment of glory that he had never been able to replicate since. Even when Sirius grew bold enough to take his hand in the corridors or kiss him on the streets of muggle London or, after they graduated, move in with him into a one-bedroom apartment near Godric’s Hollow, Remus could not completely rest completely easy. He adored Sirius and felt that for the first time in his life, he was privy to the ecstasies of true love. He realized that he would have died for Sirius or killed for him without thinking. He hoped that Sirius felt the same about him. At the same time, a darker side of him couldn’t help but think that Sirius Black – gorgeous, talented, and wildly charismatic, the most handsome boy in their class by far and the former heir to the Black family fortune  – would one day grow bored of the taboo that he had broken with his best friend and leave. Not even his best friend, Remus thought in more masochistic moments, as that position belonged squarely to James Potter. And in fact, when Sirius had started to get suspicious and distant in 1981, Remus never believed that he was spying for the other side or capable of betraying the whole Order. Rather, he thought that Sirius had finally gotten sense shaken into him and was planning to break his heart. Ironically, Remus had ended up heartbroken anyways.</p><p>Remus was broken out of his tempest of increasingly dark thoughts by Sirius gently tapping him on the shoulder. “Moony? Are you okay?”</p><p>“I’m fine, Sirius,” Remus managed, stabbing at the last piece of roast beef on his plate, “just incredibly tired.”</p><p>“Do you still need me to cover class for you on the twentieth?”</p><p>“If you have the time for it, I’d appreciate it. I left the syllabus and everything in the top left corner of my desk. Try not to charm my students too much, would you?”</p><p>“Doubt I could charm them as much as you do,” Sirius smiled.</p><p>“Stop flirting with me when you don’t mean it, Sirius,” Remus hissed.</p><p>Sirius looked genuinely baffled. Then he became cold. “I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt Moony, because of what day it is, but you’re acting like a right wanker tonight.”</p><p>“I learn only from the best, Sirius,” Remus replied with gritted teeth, hating himself for it.</p><p>Sirius looked upset. “I’m just trying to be a good friend to you.”</p><p>
  <em>Friend. That’s all, Remus reminded himself. Set your expectations low. Stop acting like an arse. It’s not Sirius’s fault…well, not all of it. Easy.</em>
</p><p>Remus took a deep breath and forced a watery smile. “I know you are. I’m sorry, Sirius, it’s just been a long day.”</p><p>Sirius still looked hurt, but he leaned in conspiratorially anyways. “Well, you better try to save up your energy. Moony and Padfoot will be back on the prowl on Monday.”</p><p>Remus smiled at him for real this time, though whatever he was about to say in response was interrupted by a magical paper airplane flying directly at them. The airplane was charmed to poke Sirius a few times until he unwrapped the paper. Remus could not help leaning in to read what it was. Inside, in looping, steady cursive, was a single question:</p><p>
  <em>Are you single???</em>
</p><p>Sirius looked up at the main chambers of the Great Hall, puzzled. He first looked at Harry at the Gryffindor table, but he seemed engaged in a lively debate with Seamus Finnigan and Ron. Then, his direction was pulled towards a group of nearby Hufflepuffs who kept looking over at the teacher’s dais and giggling wildly.</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes. “See, I told you they were all mad for you. Hottest professor on the grounds, no doubt.”</p><p>Sirius ignored him and dug around his pockets. “Lend me a quill, Moony.”</p><p>Remus snorted and handed him one. “Don’t encourage this, Sirius.”</p><p>Poking his tongue out from between his teeth as he wrote, Sirius scratched out his response with his intentionally messy handwriting. The paper airplane had been charmed to re-fold itself, and it dashed off towards the Hufflepuffs with alarming speed. The tallest among them yanked the airplane out of the air as though it were the Golden Snitch. She opened it eagerly, her tablemates leaning in towards her to read the paper at the same time.</p><p>“I don’t believe it!” she lamented, so that the sound carried towards the teacher’s table and seemed, at least to Remus, to circle around the Great Hall several times over. Her voice sounded amplified by a Sonorous Charm. “Professor Black is <em>taken</em>!”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What?” Remus asked, one eyebrow raised in a way that he hoped exuded careless amusement rather than unadulterated, flustered confusion. He became suddenly aware that a good chunk of the Great Hall had turned to look at Sirius. The whispers seemed to coil around them like curlicues of cigarette smoke.</p><p>“Well, I figure that’ll give them something to talk about for the short term, you know?” Sirius shrugged nonchalantly. He seemed entirely oblivious to the stares of his students and the whispers that ricocheted around the Great Hall. “They’ll forget about it by Monday, I’m sure.”</p><p>“But why send them on a wild goose chase?” Remus asked carefully. “I mean, you’re not…you know…taken? Are you?” His voice went up half an octave.</p><p>“Oh you know, I could be,” Sirius said offhandedly. “Maybe one of these days Minnie will recognize her love for me and abandon the memory of her husband, who was <em>also </em>a hunk by the way, Minnie really does know how to pick them…”</p><p>Remus shushed Sirius, fearing that Professor McGonagall would turn to them and suddenly reprimand them by assigning them both to detention. Of course, a rational part of his brain realized that they were now professors and could not actually be forced to clean out the potions cauldrons or do Filch’s dirty work, but he would rather not be disproved.</p><p>“Anyways, I went down to the Three Broomsticks with Harry to get a butterbeer last weekend. Madam Rosmerta looked as though she would have enjoyed switching places with him. Maybe that’ll blossom into something beautiful, hm?”</p><p>“Sure,” Remus said, taking an unnecessarily hostile bite out of his treacle tart, “though wouldn’t it be strange that she’s…oh I don’t know, ten years older than you at minimum?”</p><p>Sirius looked outraged. “Moony! Are you jealous?”</p><p>Remus dropped his fork. Color seeped into his face. Could he have been so obvious? “What? No? Jealous? Me? Sirius, you’re being ridi–”</p><p>“Because I know she always flirted with <em>you</em> back in the day, and James and I were around for her comic entertainment. If you’re serious about Madam Rosmerta, I’ll let it be.” Sirius started humming the chorus to <em>Let it Be</em> as he took a forkful of Remus’s treacle tart.</p><p>“Alright, that’s enough,” Remus said hotly, snatching back his dessert. “I hope you enjoyed your moment on the stage, though I suppose you are eternally on a stage in your mind.”</p><p>“Life is but a stage, Moony, and I am simply the best actor here.”</p><p>“Settle down, Robert Redford. I’m sure all of this will cool down over the weekend, like you said. Godric, you are a drama queen.”</p><p>“Who the devil is Robert? Is that one of the moving picture stars that you liked? Oh, <em>oh</em>, I remember! The one about the car and the green light that you made the three of us watch. That muggle book.”</p><p>Remus flushed at the memory. He had dragged the other Marauders to one of the last showings of <em>The Great Gatsby</em> during third year. It had taken quite a bit of energy and plotting over the Easter holidays to be able to sneak into muggle London (the Blacks certainly never would have allowed Sirius to go, the Potters would have wanted to come with them, and even the Pettigrews would have been fairly suspicious), but the payoff for Remus had been enormous. Sirius and James had been fascinated by the technology of the movie theater. Peter had consumed a bucketful of what he admitted was some of the best popcorn he had ever had. And Remus had fallen half in love with Robert Redford, which of course, he kept to himself.</p><p>“Yes, that’s right. I’m impressed that you remember that, Sirius, it was a long time ago. Twenty years ago, actually,” Remus said.</p><p>Sirius smiled softly, and for a moment, melancholia was splashed across his handsome face. “It’s easier to remember things when there wasn’t much to think about for twelve of those years.”</p><p>Remus was stunned. Sirius so rarely alluded to his time in Azkaban, and here he was, casually bringing it up in the Great Hall while his students were still watching him like hippogriffs? Clearly, Sirius was just as confused about the sudden intrusion of sadness as Remus was, because his tone became oddly chipper. He leaned in again so that he could be as quiet as possible.</p><p>“Anyways, you should get to bed. Rest up this weekend, stay in bed as much as you’d like. Try not to read your boring stuff too much. Monday night is going to be legendary, Moony. One for the books. I promise.”</p><p>***</p><p>Dawn was beginning to break over the Hogwarts grounds by the time that Remus transformed back into himself on Tuesday morning. Though he had kept his mind almost fully, per Snape’s revolted yet comprehensive instructions last year, the physicality of the transformation continued to shatter him. He stretched out on the floor of the Shrieking Shack and noted with some relief that while he felt battered and bruised almost everywhere, and his eyes were doing something funny, none of his bones seemed to be broken. And that could only be because –</p><p>Yes, there he was, christened by the early morning light and half-bathed in shadow like one of Caravaggio’s chiaroscuros. Sirius was leaning against the dusty wall of the Shrieking Shack and smiling radiantly. His teeth shone brightly in the semi-darkness of the Shack. The sun continued to peer in on them, and the rays drenched his skin in warmth. Only his eyes betrayed the weariness of an all-nighter.</p><p>“Morning,” he said casually, shooting Remus a lopsided smile. “Have a good night?”</p><p>Remus yawned instead of answering him, then realized a moment too late that he was stark naked. Trying to pointedly ignore his reddening cheeks and ears, he summoned his wand (a neat bit of wandless magic, which he had only improved at since his school days) and his clothes. He tried to slip into them as quickly as possible, which was made more difficult by the fact that he seemed to be moving in slow motion. Clearly, his body insisted on being stubborn. He heard Sirius’s throaty laugh behind him.</p><p>“Oh come off it, Moony. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before, you prude.”</p><p>“Not all of us are tarts like you, Sirius,” Remus said, tossing him a withering look over his shoulder. He had a brief, slippery feeling of vertigo as he turned back to his pants. The floor slid underneath him, and Remus squeezed his eyes shut until the feeling passed.</p><p>Sirius smiled lazily and hoisted himself off the floor. As he raised his arms above his head with a yawn, his tee-shirt rode up to expose his skin and the faintest hint of the moon phase tattoo on his side. Remus looked away after a beat, thinking back to the day after graduation when Sirius had gotten it tattooed in Knockturn Alley.</p><p>Sirius traced one of his slender fingers on the dusty windowsill and grimaced.</p><p>“Being back here is awful. Why did you insist on coming back here? We could’ve just stayed in the forest. Or on the grounds, or something. I thought technically, you could go anywhere, since it’s not like you’re going to…you know…<em>do </em>anything now that Snivellus made you that potion.” Sirius made a face. He hated owing things to people he hated, and Snape was too far up the lists of both people he disliked and people he owed things to make him entirely comfortable.</p><p>Remus shrugged, realizing with embarrassment that he had done his buttons up incorrectly. He turned around to face the wall so he could re-button them, though he noticed that his hands were shaking with some vigor. Was it his nerves getting the best of him? Really, Sirius was right, there was not exactly a need for modesty with someone who had seen almost every inch of him. But on the other hand, a little voice inside him reminded him incessantly, his body was even more scarred and marked than it had been when he was twenty-one.</p><p>He felt strangely dizzy for a moment, and sat down with considerable difficulty on a small chair in the main room. He turned back to face Sirius, tugging at his collar to try to get some air back into his lungs. Remus tried to keep his voice as pleasant and steady as possible to not alert Sirius that something felt quite off.</p><p>“I just feel like I should be here in case the potion wears off or something goes wrong. Last year when it was just me and I didn’t go anywhere, I’d just stay in my office under my desk, no problem. But now, if you want to keep going out into the forest, I think it’s safest to come back here even if I hate it. What happens if someone is out on the grounds and sees me as a werewolf?”</p><p>Sirius snickered. “If it were Hagrid, he’d probably try to keep you as a pet. Imagine his surprise when it ends up being you.”</p><p>Remus cracked a small smile and realized that there was a metallic taste inside of his mouth, as though he had drawn blood from his cheeks. A funny sense of fatigue began to fall over him with alarming rapidity. “Knowing my luck, it would be Draco Malfoy and he’d hand me off to the executioner before sunrise.”</p><p>Sirius shuddered. “I can’t believe I’m related to that wanker.”</p><p>“Sirius, you’re his professor,” Remus said, but there was no meaning or urgency behind it. In fact, he felt strangely detached from what he was saying. “Do you feel really hot, all of a sudden, or is it just me?”</p><p>Sirius, undoubtedly, made some sort of joke, but Remus could not make out the words. He went to stand up from the chair and felt an upsurge of exhaustion crash over him suddenly and mercilessly. He collapsed onto the dirty wooden floor, his limbs hopelessly flailing over each other.</p><p>Sirius rushed over, a frightened, harsh sound in the back of his throat. He called Remus’s name again and again, until his voice was almost hysterical. Remus opened his eyes for a split second, studying Sirius’s face placidly.</p><p>“Damn, you’re gorgeous,” he said woozily, and then promptly passed out in Sirius’s arms.</p><p>***</p><p>“Really, now! I will simply demand that both of you leave my ward immediately if you cannot behave like adults! Really, what example is this setting for the children? Think of your students!”</p><p>Remus was yanked rudely out of his stupor by the exaggerated and distressed stage whispers of Poppy Pomfrey. For a brief moment, it felt as though he were sixteen again, limbs gangly and awkward underneath the crisp white sheets, with a load of Ancient Runes homework in his knapsack that needed to be finished after he finished recovering from the moon’s transformation, and Sirius, James, and Peter playing cards in the hospital wing after having promised Madam Pomfrey that they would behave. The next moment, he realized that he in fact was not anywhere near his teens (though his arms and legs continued to feel awkward in the rigid confines of Madam Pomfrey’s starched sheets). He did not have to finish Ancient Runes homework, and in fact, probably had a good number of essays to grade for the classes that he taught. And Sirius, James, and Peter were certainly not playing cards in the hospital wing and waiting for him to open his eyes. James was dead, Peter worse than dead, and Sirius…</p><p><em>Sirius</em>.</p><p>Remus could pick out Sirius’s voice anywhere, through a crowd of hundreds and in distorted dreams, through life and death and whatever came beyond. He knew almost every tone and pitch that Sirius’s voice could make. It was a gift after so many years of having studied him as his roommate, his classmate, his friend, his lover, and then once more as his roommate, now his colleague, and still, forever, his friend. That was certainly his firm, blue-blooded tone.</p><p>Snape’s slick, sharp voice cut off Sirius’s heated complaints. “For the last time, you insolent fool, there was nothing <em>wrong</em> with the potion.”</p><p>“He could have died! You messed up the potion, probably out of spite too, you low-life creep. What, wasn’t getting close to ruining his life good enough for you, you malicious son-of-a-”</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus whispered hoarsely, and the light-blocking curtains that Madam Pomfrey kept around every bed during the day were swept aside harshly. By the curling rays of the sun, Remus could tell that it was the late afternoon and likely after four o’clock. Three faces peered down at him. Madam Pomfrey sported a worried look on her creased face. Snape sneered down at him, his limp hair falling in his glittering black eyes and his dark robes draping onto the floor. Sirius looked exhausted yet dangerous, his robe sleeves rolled up past his elbows and his long hair piled on top of his head and held together with his wand, just as he used to wear it back in school. His expression was simultaneously anxious and haughty.</p><p>“How are you feeling, Moony? What do you need?” Sirius asked, conjuring up a chair and sitting down in it the opposite way, leaning into the hardwood back of the chair. He leaned in and touched Remus’s arm. His hands on Remus’s bare skin felt cold, like a slab of marble.</p><p>Remus coughed. Just the small effort made his head ache horribly. “I think I’m fine, but what happened? I remember everything was fine, and then it…wasn’t.”</p><p>Sirius looked feverish with anger. “The problem is–”</p><p>Snape took one step closer to the bed and glared at Sirius. “ –the problem is, Lupin, that the potion that I so <em>kindly</em> expend my time and stores brewing for you each month so that your little problem becomes tolerable only goes so far. You see, the Wolfsbane Potion–”</p><p>“Will you keep your damn voice down?” Sirius hissed.</p><p>Snape pretended to ignore him, though Remus registered that his volume had lowered a slight notch. He continued. “The Wolfsbane Potion is intended for you to keep your mind and ensure that you are no more than a harmless wolf. A harmless, <em>sleeping</em> wolf.”</p><p>Remus blinked. Snape laughed. The sound was ugly and grating, even to Madam Pomfrey, who could not hide her wince.</p><p>“Didn’t you ever wonder why you simply slept away the night of the full moon last year? The potion is intended to make you sleep, Lupin, <em>not</em> prance around the grounds with your slobbering, stupid…mutts,” he said significantly, angling his jawbone towards Sirius. It was now Sirius’s turn to pretend that he had not heard Snape’s words.</p><p>“Really, Mr. Black, it was irresponsible of you to go and look for Remus – oh, Professor Lupin, pardon me – even if you knew he would be fine. You could’ve been hurt,” Madam Pomfrey scolded him. Her voice sounded kind and grandmotherly even underneath her chastising. Remus had a fleeting memory of Mrs. Potter, who had carried so much of that same maternal warmth and seemed to blossom when surrounded by James and his friends.</p><p>Madam Pomfrey proceeded to take Remus’s temperature and his blood pressure, all the while hovering over him and clucking about Sirius’s recklessness. Remus and Sirius exchanged a surreptitious glance. Either they had been very good about covering up the fact that Sirius was an Animagus for all of those years (unlikely) or Poppy Pomfrey would sweep the B.A.F.T.A.s next winter.</p><p>“So what do you plan to do about it?” Sirius demanded, standing up to talk to Snape so he could stare down coldly at the man.</p><p>Snape looked profoundly unbothered. An alarming quirk of his lip led Remus to believe that the man was actually quite amused. “I told Dumbledore that hiring you, Black, just like hiring Lupin, would be one of his worst decisions. I told him that you were just as foolhardy and pigheaded as you were as a student, and that twelve years pining away in Azkaban could hardly have made you any wiser. <em>I</em> will proceed to do absolutely nothing differently. <em>I </em>will continue to serve Dumbledore’s orders and make Lupin this potion, and <em>he</em> will think very cautiously about how he chooses to push past the natural effect of the Wolfsbane Potion. Clearly, he must have suppressed it to stay awake and it caught up with him this morning. I would suggest that he remain still in the future and avoid needless cavorting about. We wouldn’t want him to have any worse reactions, <em>now would we</em>?” Snape’s tone was mocking.</p><p>“Get out of my sight,” Sirius snarled. He made to roll up his sleeves further.</p><p>“Gentlemen, really!” Madam Pomfrey said, tucking Remus in so tightly with a spare blanket that it was becoming rather difficult to breathe. “You’re fully grown professors, and I expect better from both of you.”</p><p>“Madam Pomfrey,” Remus finally choked out after a while. “I can’t really breathe with this.”</p><p>“My apologies, dear,” she said soothingly, fixing the blanket and loosening its hold around Remus’s torso, and then spinning on a dime to face Snape and Sirius once again. “Now I believe that visiting hours end at five o’clock, so I suggest that you both find something else to do before you start a riot in this ward! I simply will not permit it.”</p><p>“No need, Poppy. I have students to tend to.”</p><p>Snape coldly bade Madam Pomfrey a terse farewell. He refused to even acknowledge Sirius and Remus with a glance as he glided towards the front doors.</p><p>“Madam Pomfrey,” Sirius said sweetly, and Remus wanted to tell him to not waste his breath trying to act like a perfect innocent in front of someone who had once had to heal his privates after a misplaced jinx (courtesy, no doubt, of James Potter). “Seeing as visiting hours are for students, and I am a professor here…”</p><p>“Oh, are you?” Madam Pomfrey huffed, stuffing Remus’s mouth full of chocolate as though he were still a small boy. “You have a funny way of acting it, that’s for sure. I thought I would have to get Minerva here to settle you boys down! Honestly, you’re worse than you were when you were children.”</p><p>Sirius sidled up to her as she was rummaging through a drawer full of jars and lotions. “You know, I’ve always admired how you keep a tight ship running here. It’s really so admirable that you have this talent in a place that just keeps getting more chaotic every year.”</p><p>“I know what you’re trying to do, Mr. Black, and it’s not going to work. Remus – oh, I’m sorry dear, I know you’re a professor now – is my patient, and I will not permit you to interfere with his recovery.”</p><p>Remus hurried to swallow the last of his chunk of dark chocolate and then opened his mouth with a gasp. “I’m fine! Really, Madam Pomfrey, I’m fine. I’d feel ridiculous if one of my students walked in and saw me like this. My temperature is fine and my pressure is fine, and really all I have left is this awful headache, which I can recover from in my living quarters. I can guarantee that Sirius will cause no additional problems for you,” Remus said firmly, ignoring Sirius’s excited look. He really did feel better compared to the sudden draining exhaustion from the early morning. Sleep and whatever Madam Pomfrey had given him had worked miracles.</p><p>Madam Pomfrey looked at Remus, and then back at Sirius. She sighed profoundly, as though Atlas’s globe sat on her shoulder. “Oh, all right. But the house-elves are to bring you supper in your quarters. You’re not up for the excitement of the Great Hall.”</p><p>“I’ll walk him back, Poppy, don’t you worry.” Sirius announced.</p><p>Madam Pomfrey eyed him sternly.</p><p>“I mean, Madam Pomfrey,” Sirius said sheepishly. He hurried to help Remus out of bed even though Remus kept trying to wave him away.</p><p>“Really, Sirius, I can do this myself,” Remus complained, shedding his hospital gown for his shirt. Thankfully, Madam Pomfrey had not thought to remove his pants.</p><p>“Nonsense. It’s me, your white knight, come to save you.” Sirius puffed out his chest gallantly. Remus rolled his eyes. Yet he was privately relieved, as he didn’t think he would have been able to refute Madam Pomfrey’s plans to keep him in the hospital wing if Sirius had not been there. He kept thinking of how he would explain his bedridden state to any student who happened to walk by. He could have always claimed that he had fallen ill unexpectedly, but anyone with eyes could have seen his pale, weakened state over the last week. No, Occam’s Razor demanded the simplest answer, and Remus had not quite worked out what that answer should be.</p><p>The two walked out of the hospital wing, Remus still gingerly handling his own body weight as he took every step. After asking Remus if he wouldn’t prefer a charmed wheelchair or stretcher, and wishing aloud that they had the Invisibility Cloak that now belonged to his godson, Sirius had slowed down to a swaggering walk that suited him.</p><p>“You know, you shouldn’t have pushed through if you were tired,” Sirius argued, keeping his eyes on Remus. “If Snivellus is right, which I loathe admitting, then you should rest the night of the full. You can’t just keep running on empty, Moony. Something terrible could have happened.”</p><p>Remus grinned with some effort. “Not my first time running on nothing. Anyways, I didn’t even feel it until this morning. We’ll be fine. I’m fine. Look, have all my bones and everything.”</p><p>Sirius narrowed his eyes. “Remus.”</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus sing-songed back.</p><p>“Hi Professor Black! Hi Professor Lupin!”</p><p>Remus smiled at two Ravenclaws who greeted him and Sirius on their way to the side of the castle that housed most of the teachers’ living quarters. He paused to follow up on an obscure question on Kappas that Octavia had asked him late last week. Remus had located the answer over the weekend, as he essentially spent the entire lead-up to the moon in bed with his books. He asked Aditi how she was handling the essay that he had assigned and reminded them both that they had Defense Against the Dark Arts tomorrow. They cheerfully went on their way, debating the technicalities of Kappa identification as they walked.</p><p>“How do you remember everyone’s name, Moony?” Sirius asked, their previous thread of conversation abandoned. “I was about to call them Rowena and Helena.”</p><p>Remus clutched his side pre-emptively and then laughed. “You wouldn’t! Sinistra would have your head.”</p><p>“You’re not wrong,” Sirius said, and he smiled charmingly at a gaggle of Gryffindor first-years who waved enthusiastically at him as they moved down the corridor. Remus felt mildly offended that he was ignored despite the fact that he was also their teacher, but reasoned that this was not all that different from their school days. “She’s an awfully good dueler. I’d be a goner, and then who would teach fanciful, whimsical Charms to these hopeless, hapless students? It would be a true tragedy.”</p><p>“Speaking of which,” Remus said carefully as they finally reached the empty corridor that led to his quarters. “How was teaching today?”</p><p>Sirius’s eyes flashed with glee. “Brilliant, Moony, you should’ve been there. I don’t think they’ve ever learned more in their entire lives. Dark Arts? Have been defended against, thank you very much.”</p><p>Remus couldn’t help the foolish smile that kept creeping onto his face as Sirius recounted the double class that he had taught to a group of Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws and the make-up lesson given to the Gryffindors. He had expanded on Remus’s lessons on the Disarming Charm from last Friday and (at least according to Sirius) had them hexing each other left and right.</p><p>“Something tells me that the truth was probably a little less exciting than that,” Remus said calmly, unlocking the entrance to his quarters with his wand. The main room was quiet and very dark. Though Sirius had been here twice before, Remus could not help but feel self-conscious about where and how everything was arranged.</p><p>“Well, you’ll see. I’m sure all of them will give rave reviews about their substitute teacher, even if he isn’t quite as talented in defensive magical theory as their actual professor.” Sirius sighed, sinking into Remus’s brown sofa.</p><p>“I have absolutely no doubt that you’re very talented in the subject,” Remus said honestly, before sitting down on the couch a bit away from Sirius. Though Defense Against the Dark Arts had never been one of the subjects that Sirius had placed first in – he normally reserved his energy for fighting with James over the top spot in Transfiguration – he had excelled in the subject simply because he was brilliant even when he didn’t want to be or pretended otherwise. All of those formative years of having a highly-educated governess tend to him and Regulus were not easily erased.</p><p>“Maybe. But after teaching…hm, I don’t know, six or seven classes today between yours and mine, I’m feeling pretty empty-headed.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Remus said nervously. “I can ask someone else to cover next time. Or cancel classes and make them hold make-up classes later in the semester. I had to ask Severus at one point last year, I suppose if I groveled he might…”</p><p>“Absolutely not.” Sirius growled. His eyes clouded over with annoyance at the mention of Snape’s name. “I’d do it again. I’ll do it every time for you, Moony, I don’t care.” He said it with such vehemence that Remus put his hands up in surrender.</p><p>“Fine, fine, I’m grateful, certainly, but really, it’s not necessary. But thank you,” Remus added shyly.</p><p>“Don’t thank me. What else are friends for?” Sirius lazily pointed at the fireplace in Remus’s and murmured <em>incendio</em>. Flames began to spark and sputter until they had grown into a crackling ball of fire.</p><p>
  <em>Friends, friends, friends.</em>
</p><p>“What’s with you and fireplaces these days?” Remus asked, trying to keep the swoop in his stomach from sending aftershocks through his entire body.</p><p>Sirius shrugged, kicking his expensive-looking dark shoes off and stretching his legs out on the couch. “I get cold sometimes. It was bloody cold...” He drifted off. Remus had the impression that Sirius wanted to say something else, but then he suddenly switched tracks altogether. </p><p>“Oh, I forgot to mention, Harry says that he’s sorry if he crossed any lines during your conversation on Friday. He says he wouldn’t want to interfere in any Defense Against the Dark Arts syllabi or curricula or whatever. But you really should teach them the Patronus Charm, Moony. If not for the pranking potential, then for the defensive skill.”</p><p>This was the moment, Remus thought suddenly. Sirius had laid this out for him like a chess move, surely, waiting to see whether he was going to ask about his own Patronus Charm. It was the queen’s gambit. It would be so simple to ask now what the change in Patronus (if there had been any change, first of all, which was an assumption) meant to him and what he thought that it could signify. Sirius was quite bright, and it would not have gotten past him that changes in Patronus occur only in significant circumstances. Remus felt a little cozier and a little braver enveloped in the warmth of the fire. What could be the harm? If Remus was wrong, then Sirius certainly would let him down in the kindest way possible, and they were still best friends in the midst of it all, right? And if Remus was right…well, he wouldn’t dare to hope.</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus started off, gently. “I need to ask–”</p><p>He looked over at Sirius, hoping to look those mercurial grey eyes and figure out whether they were closer to the temperate grey skies of a sunrise in the aftermath of a heavy snowfall or the metallic, cold heaviness of steel. But it was no use. Sirius Black, after an entire night out and seven classes to his name, had drifted off to an impenetrable sleep.</p><p>Remus gave his sleeping form a soft smile. For a moment he felt more peace than he had in weeks. Then, with alarming acuity, he remembered the last thing that he had said to Sirius back in the Shrieking Shack and proceeded to bury his face in one of the couch cushions. It just barely silenced Remus’s shout of mortification. Hopefully, Sirius wouldn’t remember that or would chalk it up to post-moon delusions. Yes, he could hope against hope for that.</p><p>***</p><p>Essentially, Remus had been missing from the school environment for four days. He had spent the entire weekend in bed, Monday dragging his tired body one step behind him, and Tuesday out of commission entirely. Four days may not seem like an eternity to the average person. Yet for a restless student body encouraged by the last bits of warm weather, four days could add up to an entire lifetime and part of the afterlife. Remus had missed out on the fizzing, sparkling, and seemingly bottomless cauldron of gossip that the students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry had been stirring and adding their own ingredients to over the last few days. When Remus finally emerged with his limbs and mind (mostly) intact on Wednesday morning, he was shocked by the way that the entire school seemed to buzz underneath him. Had he not known any better, he would have thought that the Chamber of Secrets had been opened again. At breakfast on Wednesday (during which Sirius was conspicuously absent), he planned to eavesdrop on some student conversations long enough to get an answer, even though a part of him that sounded remarkably like Lily told him that he was far too old to get involved in student rumors. He thanked his excellent hearing (courtesy, unfortunately, of the wolf) and settled down with his porridge at the teacher’s table.</p><p>Having been a part of the magical world for over twenty years, Remus thought he could not be easily shocked. He was proven wrong as soon as he heard one of his most diligent, studious fifth-year Hufflepuffs openly wonder whether Sirius Black was more of a casual dater or a serial monogamist. While the events of the full moon and his own angst over the aftermath had almost completely knocked Sirius’s joking response on Friday out of his mind, his students had apparently not found anything to entertain them quite so much as the revelation that Professor Black – charming, brilliant, and handsome to boot – was in fact in a relationship.</p><p>Sirius had egregiously omitted during his conversation with Remus about how classes on Tuesday had gone the fact that he had spent most of both Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts dodging questions about his personal life. Most students were not so bold as to ask a teacher about his romantic life (Fred and George Weasley, unsurprisingly, had straight-up interrupted a lesson on the Bubble-Head Charm to loudly ask Professor Black whether he was dating anyone. Sirius had applied the Charm to them, leaving their heads stuck in what looked like fishbowls until the end of the lesson). Yet after taking a leaf from Angelina Johnson’s successful line of questioning just two weeks prior, students had begun asking slyly about any charms that any significant others of his had enjoyed during their school days or over the last few years. Sirius had evaded their questions and directed them instead to various other artful pranks that the Marauders had put together with the help of their copious Charms and Transfiguration talents. The students remained undeterred.</p><p>In an era when the houses were unapologetically proud to distinguish themselves from their peers, the revelation of Sirius’s relationship status (or at least, what they believed to be the truth) had accomplished what Dumbledore had always wanted. At last, Hogwarts had found something to unify itself other than fear. Everyone seemed to have different reasons for wanting to know the truth of whom Sirius was dating. Some Slytherins whose families still dominated the gossip pages of the various wizarding tabloids were interested in bringing this scoop to either the papers or to their pureblood families, who would surely tear whatever <em>girl</em> Sirius was dating apart for her lack of blood lineage. Gryffindors sought out the thrill of pushing a taboo that had long existed between teachers and students – could they ever have imagined asking Filius Flitwick for his dating history? Hufflepuffs, goaded by the original crowd that had been bold enough to ask Sirius whether he was single, seemed to be in it for the fun and joy of a communal activity. Ravenclaws enjoyed the intellectual challenge and parsing out clues to figure out what exactly the truth was. And the truth was, Sirius was a heartthrob to many of his students, and they were naturally curious about what he did outside of the classroom. That alone brought the four houses together with a previously unseen unity.</p><p>Remus tried to shake the conversations out of his mind immediately after leaving the Great Hall. He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he almost crashed into Harry, Ron, and Hermione. As usual, Ron and Hermione were bickering about something or other, though they promptly stopped as they bumped into their professor.</p><p>“Professor Lupin,” Hermione said cheerfully, juggling an armful of Ancient Runes books. “We were wondering how you were doing. It’s been ages since we’ve seen you!”</p><p>“Are you just about recovered yet?” Harry asked, looking and sounding genuinely worried.</p><p>“All’s well, thank you,” Remus replied easily. “And you three? How was Defense Against the Dark Arts?”</p><p>“Blimey, it was ruddy excellent,” Ron gushed. “We were hexing each other all over the place!”</p><p>Remus raised an eyebrow. Hermione gave Ron a scathing look.</p><p>“Please, sir, Ron’s just kidding. We only were able to practice the most basic jinxes in class, the Leg-Locker, Petrificus Totalus, nothing really rising to the level of a hex at all,” Hermione replied nervously. “Professor Black did a good job, but of course, we missed you.”</p><p>Ron and Harry nodded eagerly.</p><p>“I’m glad to hear it, but by no need do you need to praise me…or Sirius for that matter,” he said lightly. “What else have I missed while I was gone?”</p><p>Ron and Hermione exchanged anxious looks. Their furtive expressions reminded Remus so poignantly of him and Sirius that he almost took a step back to recover.</p><p>“Well,” Ron started uncertainly, “there’s sort of this rumor going around…”</p><p>“That Sirius is dating someone. Apparently he egged some Hufflepuff on, and he keeps telling me that he was just joking but now it’s all anyone can ever talk about,” Harry said sullenly.</p><p>Ron leaned in slightly towards Remus. “Harry’s miffed because Cho Chang came up to him at the lunch table and he thought it was going to be something exciting and – <em>ow, Harry!!!</em> – it turns out that the Ravenclaws managed to track down the photobook from when Sirius was graduating and saw Harry’s dad there too. And she thought Harry had more information.”</p><p>“Photobooks?” Remus asked.</p><p>“Hogwarts keeps a photobook of every graduating pupil from every year that it’s been open, sir. Back in the days before photographs were widely circulated, famous wizarding artists would be commissioned to sketch portraits of every single student,” Hermione said proudly, sounding (as usual) as though she had swallowed an entire text.</p><p>“Fascinating, Hermione. I don’t think I’ve ever seen one of these photobooks.”</p><p>“Each year has only one, professor, so Madame Pince keeps them under lock and key in the library. They’re terribly important to Hogwarts history.”</p><p>“So how did Ms. Chang and her classmates get permission to see them?”</p><p>Ron grinned and pushed a sweep of red hair out of his eyes. “Marcus Turner got a special permit from Professor Sinistra to go see them in the library, since he’s a prefect.”</p><p>“Well, that solves one problem,” Remus said, taking stock of his day and trying to figure out whether he could venture into the library to casually look at these photobooks without anyone noticing the truth.</p><p>“Professor, apologies, but I think we’ll be late to breakfast,” Hermione said, glancing at her watch.</p><p>“That watch doesn’t even work here, Hermione!” Ron exclaimed.</p><p>“Oh, I know, but Mum and Dad gave it to me and I hate to just leave it sitting in my trunk,” she sighed.</p><p>“Give it to Sirius, he can charm it,” Remus said. “He charmed me, too. I mean, he charmed this watch that I have. This watch, you see. The wristwatch. He charmed the wristwatch. The wristwatch that I have,” he finished, feeling stupid.</p><p>“Thank you, Professor Lupin. Yes, I might make a trip to his office hours and ask…”</p><p>“Or you could give it to Lavender and Parvati,” Ron chortled. “It’s a miracle they get any work done at all, what with spending half their time in the clouds with Owl-Eyes Trelawney and the other half following Sirius around and lounging by his office. It’s worse than you with Lockhart, Hermione!”</p><p>Hermione glared at Ron. “Come on, we’ll be late. See you tomorrow for class, Professor Lupin.”</p><p>Ron waved goodbye cheerfully and disappeared with Hermione into the Great Hall. Harry, still sulking, was quite slow to follow his friends.</p><p>“Harry, a moment please,” Remus said quickly. “Is everything okay? Are you upset about Ms. Chang?”</p><p>Harry looked up to the vaulted, ornate ceilings of the castle and then back down to the tile floors. “Having everyone spend all this time talking about Sirius is weird.” He kicked a pebble down the corridor, and the sound echoed until it reached nearly the end.</p><p>
  <em>Sirius, you idiot.</em>
</p><p>“I can imagine, Harry. I told him it was a poor idea to send everyone into a frenzy for no good reason. But you and I know the truth, which is that Sirius is not in fact dating anyone. He just has a poor taste in pranks,” Remus admitted.</p><p>Harry looked vaguely dissatisfied and a little uncomfortable. “Er. Remus, you two were school friends, right, the four of you, with my dad and Pettigrew. And you spent a lot of time together?”</p><p>Remus tried to sound placid. Instead, he sounded like the Great Lake when the Giant Squid was feeling antsy. “Yes, that’s true.”</p><p>“And you were there when my dad started dating my mum?”</p><p>Remus grinned toothily, remembering James waking everyone up at one in the morning on a Thursday to announce that Lily Evans would finally be going on a date with him. “Indeed, Harry.”</p><p>“So did you ever see Sirius date anyone?”</p><p>It was then Remus’s turn to become very deeply uncomfortable. He was sure that he was burning up in an unflattering shade of red.</p><p>“Oh…he dated here…and there…he was quite a serial dater, Sirius was, and was never alone,” Remus laughed nervously.</p><p>Harry seemed to be studying him more closely than Remus would have wanted. It felt as though a bright, unflinching light was shining right at him. “Right. I’ve gotta go. I’ll see you in class tomorrow, er, Professor Lupin.”</p><p>“Right,” Remus replied, waving faintly. For a moment, he stood there as though he were in a concussed daze. He couldn’t figure out why Harry had looked so suspicious of him. Did he think that Remus had more information that he did? As though he had summoned the man, Remus suddenly felt a gust of energy behind him. Sirius appeared in a cloud of mint shampoo and toothpaste, hair soaking wet, pulling on his black robes over his dark clothes hastily.</p><p>“I’m so late. But I can’t even make it to breakfast these days without everyone looking at me and trying to wheedle answers out of me,” Sirius sighed. “I’m starving.”</p><p>“Since when are you tired of being the center of attention? Anyways, you should’ve told me and I would’ve gotten you something,” Remus said, eyes following Sirius’s hands as they twisted his hair at the top of his head. He had stuck his wand in his mouth while he was doing his hair. “Though it’s better that you suffer for being a damn fool about this.”</p><p>“You’re too good for me. No, even I must confront my demons sooner rather than later. Anyways, I have a plan as to how I’m going to get out of this.” Sirius said, looking delighted.</p><p>“You’re going to admit to Ms. Abbott and Ms. Taylor that you were just joking?”</p><p>Sirius looked scandalized. “And tell them that I was lying to them? Let the story drop? Absolutely not. No, I was thinking something else, actually.”</p><p>Remus checked his watch for what felt like the hundredth time that morning. “Sirius, I’m going to be late to class. I’m sure I’ll hear about this spectacular plan of yours soon.”</p><p>“Well I was thinking that it might actually solve all my problems if I tell them I’m dating you.”</p><p>“<em>What</em>?” Remus yelped, and he looked at his wristwatch almost immediately. “Merlin’s beard, I’m going to be late.” He started rushing away from Sirius.</p><p>“Moony,” Sirius called out as he ran down the corridor. Remus spun around, his robes swishing around his legs.</p><p>Sirius shot him a sweet smile. “You look gorgeous.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>In this chapter, Remus get a little angsty for the first half, so proceed with caution! As always, thanks for reading :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As Remus waded through a stack of sixth-year essays on the Unforgivable Curses, docking a point off George Weasley for naming Severus Snape as the fourth Unforgivable, he found his mind wandering away from the student papers more and more frequently. It was a miracle that he had even lasted this long and had kept up the pretense of grading his papers. In all honesty, he might have and should have called it a night, as even the Everlasting Candles that he had lit seemed to have lost some of their sparkle over the course of the last five hours. Of course, their flames still burned brightly, but something about their spirit seemed wilted, like roses that had been cut and left to die.</p><p>Remus was completely knackered and felt a weariness akin to the nights after the full. It had been a day where he felt as though he had been chasing Father Time the whole way through and ultimately lost the race. Not to mention, he was absolutely starving. He had scarfed down a hasty lunch in his office and a quick, early dinner by himself in the Great Hall in between classes and paper grading. Grading the essays that he had assigned was taking longer than ever – Remus found his thoughts full of Sirius, and even when his brain drifted to his actual subject matter, they returned stubbornly and inevitably to him. He had never felt closer to his old self, the sixteen-year-old who could not focus on Ancient Runes because he was too busy thinking about a certain way that Sirius swept down the corridors. It was embarrassing, he admitted.</p><p>His feelings only grew worse when he thought about his actual teaching that day. While he had been prepared to engage in some practical lessons instead of sticking to the theory that he had asked Sirius to teach them (with mixed results, based on Ron’s excitement that morning), he had to spend half of his time correcting students on their wandwork and the other half dodging questions about Sirius. Some enterprising Ravenclaw had found him in the photobook and had leaked the news that he and Professor Black had been classmates once upon a time. Even after class was over, Remus not only had to contend with a barrel of schoolwork that he had not yet graded and exams that he had to write up, but also constant pestering from students trying to poke their heads into his office and gain intel on Professor Black. Angelina Johnson and Fred Weasley had perched in his office together for nearly fifteen minutes, until Remus threatened half-heartedly to sic his Cornish Pixies on them. Just trying to stay one step ahead of both of them – both amiable and capable of untold mischief – had tuckered him out. Yet Remus was firm in his conviction that if he could make up all of this work in school as an angsty, hormonal teenager with the moon hanging over him, then he could certainly grade a swath of essays even with a bouquet of external distractions. He could not let Sirius hang over him like this. If that meant that Remus would need to pull an all-nighter, then he would do it.</p><p>Still, the prospect of staying awake all night in his mid-thirties was quite different than doing it in his school days. Pulling an all-nighter with the Marauders had almost enjoyable, Remus mused. They were always well-fed, at least, and that meant a lot to a young and perpetually hungry teenage boy. Since their first year, the Potters had begun sending them all care packages of Euphemia’s mince pies, biscuits of many flavors, and treacle tarts in advance of final exams. They were only more generous and more expansive as their exams grew more difficult with each passing year, to the point that Euphemia had sent two gigantic wrapped packages for each of them in the days preceding their N.E.W.T.s. Those poor owls had been exhausted, even the ones that the post had claimed would be up for long trips. Each of Mrs. Potter’s had been tailored to the boys’ preferences – Remus’s, for example, was stuffed with chocolate desserts that he had enjoyed at home with the Potters and ones that she had selected out of a magical cookbook that he had never tried. Ever the mother to all, Mrs. Potter had even sent a large box crammed with sweets for Lily, who had glowed with delight at the breakfast table.</p><p>During the Marauders all-nighters, they would study for a bit, eat for considerably more time, listen to some records (courtesy of Sirius, usually, though Remus contributed his own as they grew older), and sometimes don the Invisibility Cloak to sneak down to the kitchens for more food or blow off some steam before exams by planting some dung bombs in the Slytherin corridors. He missed that Cloak, sometimes. Remus wondered fleetingly what adventures Harry had gotten up to at Hogwarts with his father’s Invisibility Cloak. Of course, as Remus was his professor, Harry would be loath to tell him the entire truth, but he got the sense from Harry’s awkward silences in between stories that he told about the first two years of his Hogwarts experiences that James would have been very proud of his son indeed.</p><p>Remus looked at his wristwatch. It was nearly midnight, and this was gearing up to be a rather long night indeed. For a moment, he considered heading sneaking into the Hogwarts Kitchens with the hope that the house-elves would give him a snack to tide him over until breakfast. He had actually stepped in there a few days ago, when the moon wouldn’t let him sleep. One of them was named Dobby – Remus had remembered him from Harry’s stories about his second year at Hogwarts. The idea of getting a slice of chocolate cake from the elves was tempting. Then, he remembered the conversation that he had held with Hermione, Ron, and Harry earlier that day about the photobooks. Remus chose not to dwell on the snippet of conversation with Sirius that had taken place just a few minutes after his conversation with the three young friends. Perhaps the one bright spot of his seemingly endless day was the fact that he had not faced Sirius again – hopefully, his foolish idea of pretending to date Remus to get everyone off his back (unlikely to happen, as it would only fuel the fire burning underneath the student body’s curiosity) would be gone by the time that they ran into each other next.</p><p>For now, Remus could enjoy his time alone and visit the photobooks that Hermione had mentioned. Maybe on the way back, he would stop by the kitchens and ask the house elves if they would be kind enough to prepare him a sandwich. His heart felt a touch lighter and his eyes a smidge less heavy than they had been a moment ago. Yes, he reckoned, seeing as the library was due to close in an hour or so, this would be the perfect time to take a break and go look at the Hogwarts photobooks. Madam Pince could not keep him, a Hogwarts professor, from viewing them. Or at least, he hoped she wouldn’t.</p><p>On his solitary walk to the library, Remus started to ask himself why he even wanted to look at these photobooks. Unlike his students, he could not claim to have questions about Sirius’s private life during his schooling days. He had been there the entire time, during the restless, drunken late weekend nights and sluggish, dreary Monday mornings. Remus recognized that he had been mired by nostalgia recently, and hoped that this might once and for all kick him out of it. But he also could not delude himself. The idea of being able to see his friends again as they once had been and continued to be in Remus’s dreams and nightmares alike felt so solid in the midst of so much uncertainty, and the photobooks seemed like a perfect way to do it.</p><p>Remus was used to unpredictability to some extent. Ironically, the main consistency in his life was the moon and its devastating cyclical nature. Otherwise, between his various odd jobs and half a dozen apartments and acquaintances that never quite blossomed into friends, he had led a rather unstable life indeed. But even the fickleness of the last few years was nothing compared to the wobbliness of Sirius Black coming back into his life, following him back to Hogwarts, engaging in his outrageous flirtations, and threatening to drown their friendship with his occasional waves of moodiness. Sirius, the most dazzling star in the night sky, burned so bright and so hot that it was almost impossible to see anything or anyone else, and he had burst through Remus’s world again like a shooting star.</p><p>Remus had spent twelve years thinking that Sirius had betrayed James and Lily and killed Peter, only to find out within the course of a single evening in June that Peter was alive, Sirius was innocent of the murders of James and Lily, and the love of his life had been imprisoned falsely for a dozen years. Peter had been captured and sent to Azkaban and later kissed by a Dementor. Sirius had gone home, been tried again, and been set free. Remus had just barely avoided being outed as a werewolf by Severus Snape for a second time and went from living alone in a decrepit apartment to living with his former lover and his dead best friend’s son, who had no idea that the man he considered an uncle and his godfather had once been more than friends united at the hip. They had spent a brilliant summer together with Harry, of course, but had skated on top of all of the questions unearthed and dredged up, and then ended up here at Hogwarts together, where the memories of himself and Sirius that the castle held pressed down on him at every turn.</p><p>Furious with himself for spiraling down this path before he had even finished grading his essays, he entered the library with a dramatic bang of the door. Madam Pince looked less than pleased. Like Madam Pomfrey, Madam Pince seemed to consider Remus to still be a student. Unlike Madam Pomfrey, however, she had none of the kindness or warmth towards Remus – or really, towards anyone. He chose to be as polite and quiet as possible when asking her for permission to view the photobook from their graduation year. Even when he reminded her with as much gentility as possible that he was, in fact, a professor, and did not per se need her permission to view certain books, she frowned at him so severely that Remus felt as though he could have turned to stone. But after a few tense minutes, there he was, sitting in a silent corner of the library and using the tip of his wand so that he could see better. The photobook was old with a thick leather cover, though it was as clean as if it had been published yesterday. Remus imagined that the Ravenclaws that had preceded him had wiped it down carefully. He was grateful for those enterprising students more than ever.</p><p><em>1978</em>.</p><p>Disco was all over the place with its thumping beat, <em>Grease</em> and <em>Saturday Night Fever</em> had come out in theaters and John Travolta was everywhere, Queen had released its stomp-heavy stadium classics. Remus flipped idly through the book and caught glimpses of girls with feathered hair or blunt, straight fringe, and boys with much longer hair than Remus ever saw on any of his students these days. Remus had no idea where these photos had come from and then remembered with a flash the very end of their seventh year, when they had all been called upon to sit for portraits. In the grand scheme of everything – himself and Sirius getting together, James and Lily coupling up so intensely that there was no doubt they’d be married within a year or two, the war that was on the brink of breaking out and Dumbledore calling the Marauders into his office to ask them to join his Order of the Phoenix, Remus’s fear of having to register as a werewolf and expose himself to wizarding society as a monster, and even the more mundane terrors and worries of N.E.W.T.s – Remus had nearly forgotten having to spend ten minutes on a Saturday afternoon being photographed.</p><p>He took a deep breath and turned to the front, ready to start from the beginning. Then he changed his mind, turning towards the back and moving towards the front again in reverse alphabetical order.</p><p>
  <em>Potter, James Fleamont.</em>
</p><p>Seeing the Marauders’ fearless leader immortalized in photograph reminded Remus of the months after James and Lily had died, when he had finally drawn up a reserve of courage to visit their ivory tombs in Godric’s Hollow. There had been magical graffiti all over their tombstones, with mourners and well-wishers alike thanking the Potters for their sacrifice and wishing Harry a happy, long life. While Remus had been cheered by the outpouring of love for Lily and James, it had been devastating to read the inscriptions on their tombstones and realize that they were truly gone. James’s photobook portrait donned a winning smile and a shock of messy black hair. His Head Boy badge was charmingly crooked and pinned half-heartedly on his robes. Somehow, he had managed to coax the photographer into letting him bring a quaffle into the picture. He tossed it up and down easily and laughed a dozen times. With his tawny skin and dark hair sticking up in a dozen directions, he looked so much like Harry that it took Remus’s breath away.</p><p><em>Pettigrew, Peter</em>.</p><p>Remus could not bring himself to look at Peter, the man responsible for betraying James and Lily and the person whose crime had kept Sirius in prison for twelve years. He moved on quickly.</p><p>Remus peered at faces that he had not seen in years, and in some cases, in decades. Some of these people were still known to him – one was a writer for <em>The Daily Prophet</em>, and a few of them had recently been appointed to high-profile Ministry positions. More than a few of them were dead. And Remus remembered now, with a horrifying alertness, where he had seen many of these photographs. For many of the original Order who had perished, these were the photographs that they had used for the obituaries. Remus remembered seeing those smiling, eager faces in the papers in an almost endless stream until the day that he had Sirius cancel all of their subscription services. Chief among them was <em>McKinnon, Marlene</em>, with her hair (buttery blonde as ever, though the photographs did not show it) twirled around her fingers and then piled on top of her head as though she had just walked off the Quidditch pitch, making gestures that implied that she was almost certainly cussing out the photographer, right next to her beloved, <em>Meadowes, Dorcas</em>, with her beautiful, bouncing curls covering almost the entire photo, and the Dorcas in the photograph was as delightfully shy as the person had been, since she kept fidgeting nervously and then giving the camera a tentative smile.</p><p><em>Lupin, Remus John</em>.</p><p>Remus almost brushed past his own picture, pausing only to reflect on how long his hair had been back then. His brown hair had been closer to a sandy blonde back then, and his freckles had seemed to multiply by the day. His tie was knotted neatly and his smile was uncertain, but genuine. Nothing much to look at, Remus thought, and then moved on. </p><p><em>Evans, Lily</em>.</p><p>“Oh, my friend,” he said with a sudden gasp. He touched the photograph, her fringe growing out into curtains on either side of her face and her mane a sea of waves on either side of her heart-shaped face. Unlike James, she was immaculately dressed, with her Head Girl badge pinned straight and prominently over her robes. She smiled graciously and waved in the photograph. He felt an absurd, childlike desire to wave back. And then he felt a desire to shut the book and walk straight out of the library as thought he had never been here.</p><p>No, he told himself firmly, it was the prospect of seeing his friends as they once had been that had driven him to the library this late at night. Even if the photos condensed them to a wallet-size miniature in black and white, seeing Lily with her brilliant Head Girl glory, James with his raucous energy, Marlene and her mischievous liveliness, and Dorcas and her shy beauty was worth it. Which meant that he needed to finish this adventure even if it pained him. Remus turned towards the first few pages.</p><p><em>Black, Sirius Orion</em>.</p><p>There he was. Remus felt his heart stopper as he studied Sirius with his cocksure smirk that showed off both rows of shiny teeth. His Gryffindor tie was more than slightly askew, though his collar was pristine and sharp. In the photograph, Sirius kept grinning and then rolling his eyes and then finally, heartbreakingly, giving the camera a wink. The photos were in black and white and yet Remus could tell that Sirius’s grey eyes were burning with mischief. Despite his youthful, effervescent attitude, Sirius had indeed aged significantly since they had been in school. At eighteen, Sirius had looked as though he were ready to take on the world with a boundless optimism and poised confidence. He was still beautiful, Remus reflected, though the arrogance in his chin and jaw had deflated somewhat. For a moment, Remus was tempted to cut out the picture from the photobook and carry it with him as he had done with the few, sparse photographs of them that he had kept throughout Sirius’s stint in Azkaban. Then he realized that Madam Pince would surely never permit him to return here again if he did so. Plus, Remus thought, suddenly chastened, it’s not like he was an enamored student. The mortification would be written all over his face.</p><p> “Lupin. The library’s closing,” Madam Pince said severely.</p><p>“Yes, of course,” Remus nodded, wiping away at the stray tears that had slipped out of his eyes. He looked briefly at the layout of photographs in front of him, the class of 1978 that had graduated into a world marked by a vicious war. So many talented, beautiful friends of his had been felled before they were able to turn twenty-two. He resisted the wild urge to kiss the photobook in front of him. Then, he felt a sudden gust of movement at his legs. He looked underneath the table and saw nothing, but whether it was because of the werewolf or Marauder in him, he felt with a supernatural sense of tingling that he was accompanied in the library at that moment.</p><p>“It’s a little late to be out of bed, isn’t it Harry?” He whispered out of the side of his mouth.</p><p>Harry’s dark hair popped out of the Invisibility Cloak with a whirling, dramatic gesture that was remarkably like James’s.</p><p>“How’d you know I was here?”</p><p>“Oh, it’s like I told you last year, the amount of times that I saw your father underneath that,” Remus waved a hand dismissively. He stopped for a moment. “Is this your first time here?”</p><p>Harry looked down. “No.”</p><p>“So you’ve seen the photos?”</p><p>“Yes, I have,” Harry said excitedly.</p><p>“And you must know the library is closing in five minutes, Harry.”</p><p>Harry looked guilty. He was cross-legged underneath the table, almost all of him hidden save for his head. “Yes.”</p><p>“And as your professor, I ought to either take points away because I found you out of bed, or at the very least, insist on accompanying you back to the Gryffindor dormitories.” Remus said mildly.</p><p>Harry looked rather put out by Remus’s warning. He eyed the book that was now sitting on Remus’s lap with hunger.</p><p>“But,” Remus said, with a smile that he pulled forth out of him despite his interior gloom, “there is usually a difference between what we should do and what we end up doing. It might interest you to know, simply to satisfy your curiosity about book-keeping, that keeps the keys to the photobooks in the top right corner of her desk, so you can get it after I return it. Good night, Harry.”</p><p>Harry smiled in relief. “Good night, Professor.” Then he paused. “Wait, Remus?”</p><p>“Yes, Harry?”</p><p>“Did they really look like that, how they look in the pictures?”</p><p>Remus thought for a moment. “Well, in real life, James had so much vivaciousness that he couldn’t keep still for a moment. He was always catching a Snitch for fun. And your mum too, always jumping to do something for a friend or running to learn something or telling your father off for being smart. They were vibrant. Colorful. I wish I had more pictures of them.”</p><p>Remus remembered something suddenly.</p><p>“Did Hagrid ever give you some photos? In your first year?”</p><p>Harry nodded. “He gave them to me in a book.”</p><p>Remus smiled broadly. “Some of those pictures are mine. If you’re ever inclined to let me look at the book, I’d be grateful, Harry.”</p><p>“Maybe we can meet up for butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks,” Harry said excitedly. “I was just there last weekend with Sirius, and –”</p><p>“Half a minute, Lupin,” Madam Pince hissed.</p><p>“That’s my cue. Good night, Harry,” Remus said with a small wave.</p><p>Remus dropped the book off on Madam Pince’s desk and headed off in the direction of his office. The hallways were silent. Well, almost. He was at Hogwarts after all. Mrs. Norris prowled around him for a moment before scurrying off in pursuit of mice. Two portraits were playing cards and arguing about upping the ante. A burst of laughter and then the sound of shushing emerged from a supply closet. He was nearly at his office and realized too late that he hadn’t stopped by the kitchens at all, though his stomach rumbled. He rationalized that he could make himself a steaming cup of strong tea to keep him awake for a few hours more. The prospect of several dark, lonely hours of grading papers in silence was looking more and more foreboding. He opened the door to his office with resignation and jumped backwards when he saw someone sitting at his desk.</p><p>“Well, there you are. I thought you had gotten lost somewhere,” Sirius said, marking a note on a paper with a vicious red marker. He had switched on Remus’s bewitched record player and had put on Prince’s <em>Purple Rain</em>. After he took a moment for the surprise to fade away, Remus felt an ache in his heart for the eighteen-year-old Sirius had once been, and an unparalleled, pulsating joy that he was here and alive and just an arm’s length away. But it would have been too difficult to explain how he felt this exquisite sweet and sour sensation when he saw him, so he picked the easy and more predictable route.</p><p>“Merlin, you almost killed me.” Remus pressed his hand to his chest. “What in blazes are you <em>doing</em> here?”</p><p>Sirius gave him a crooked smile, his canine teeth sticking out in a charmingly doglike fashion. “Listening to Prince. You know, I missed when this album came out. Great stuff. Funny enough, the Dementors aren’t big on American music. Also, out of sheer curiosity, is this my record player?”</p><p>Remus was embarrassed, but could not quite pinpoint why.</p><p>“Yes. It had to go somewhere, after…after everything,” he said defensively. </p><p>Sirius pretended to be offended. “You let me buy a new record player for Grimmauld Place and let me wax poetic about how much I missed my old one.”</p><p>Remus crossed his arms over his chest and felt the thrum of his heart all the way to the tips of his fingers.</p><p>“I wanted to keep this one! I’m rather sentimental about it. Plus, I wasn’t lying over the summer when I told you I didn’t have it. I had kept it here the whole summer because I didn’t want to move it.”</p><p>“Wow. Well, consider this to be me making up for lost time, Moony. I’m just listening to Prince on the record player that I haven’t listened to in, I don’t know, a decade? If you want, you can take a seat and do some of your work. Does that satisfy you, monsieur?”</p><p>“No, the question is <em>why</em> you’re listening to Prince in my office when your own is at least a floor away and maybe more depending on how the stairs decide to move. At one in the morning, no less.”</p><p>Sirius made an exaggerated frowning face. “I thought you’d be happier to see me. Are you upset with me?”</p><p>“No,” Remus answered honestly, “but I am very tired. I feel like I’ve lived many days in a single twenty-four hour span. And also have been trying to grade papers for a long time and have a long while to go.”</p><p>“Well, don’t worry, I graded some of them for you while you were in the library.”</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus huffed, “you can’t just grade my papers! This isn’t even your subject.”</p><p>“Oh you think you’re all clever now with your Defense Against the Dark Arts skills. I’ll let you know, Moony, that half of what your students learn are just fancy charms.”</p><p>Remus just stared at him. Seeing Sirius here in the flesh after being surrounded by thoughts of him all day and after seeing the photo of him as he once had been was almost overwhelming.</p><p>“Are you going to answer my question as to why you’re here?”</p><p>Sirius hunched his shoulders together with an abrupt shrug. “I couldn’t sleep, so I stopped by your quarters. And when you weren’t there, I figured you would be here. So then I came here but obviously you weren’t here. Then I tried to go to the kitchens, but you weren’t there either, so I just came back here.”</p><p>“How did you know I hadn’t just gone to bed?” Remus asked with mild surprise. He sank into one of the wooden chairs on the other side of his desk, where students normally asked for extensions on papers or cross-examined him on why he had chosen to mark them down a grade.</p><p>“Well, I figured you weren’t off having a wank with all the papers still hanging over you.”</p><p>Remus blushed furiously.</p><p>Sirius snorted. “I bumped into Harry in James’s Cloak on the way here. Or rather, vice versa. He couldn’t resist trying to trip me, it seems. Anyways, I told him that he either needed to show me the Map and tell me where you were or I’d take a point off Gryffindor.”</p><p>“So you saw I was in the library, then? Why didn’t you just meet me there?” Remus asked, summoning his tea kettle and pouring himself a cup of tea. Sirius jutted his chin out in a big, sad pout, and Remus conjured up a second cup.</p><p>Sirius smiled fondly at him and gratefully accepted it. “You think I’d <em>want</em> to spend any time in the library, you big swot. I thought I’d be better off just waiting here. You left your briefcase and all the lights on in here – what did you go see in the library?”</p><p>“Oh, I…I…wanted to check this book out on the Unforgiveables that I hadn’t seen before.” Remus rubbed at the back of his reddening neck. He slipped out of his large, grey sweater.</p><p>“At midnight, you decided to go to the library, without your notebooks or anything else, to look at a book.” He said this with a lilting voice, as though he expected Remus to start laughing at how ridiculous his own explanation was before he even reached the end of the sentence.</p><p>Remus felt his cheeks grow hot and summoned himself a pitcher of water. He poured it into a nearby glass and swallowed the entire thing in under a minute.</p><p>“Yes,” he confirmed flatly.</p><p>Sirius crossed his arms across his chest. He was wearing his black robes over a muggle tee-shirt that seemed sinfully tight, if anyone had asked Remus for his opinion.</p><p>“I don’t believe you. I think…Moony, you dog, were you snogging someone in the library? Is it McGonagall? If so, I’m jealous.”</p><p>Remus laughed airily and took a sip of his tea. “Absolutely not. The fact that this is the first place that your mind goes frightens me, Padfoot, I can’t lie to you.”</p><p>“Well, I was running out of options. And you can’t really blame me. You have to admit that it’s a dodgy reason to say why you were in the library.</p><p>Remus bit on his lip. “I wanted to see something.”</p><p>“Yes,” Sirius prodded, “now we’re getting somewhere.”</p><p>“I wanted to see the photobook for our year.”</p><p>Sirius looked briefly confused, and then his features relaxed. “Don’t tell me you joined the Ravenclaws in trying to figure out who I dated at school. Because if you don’t know by now, then truly we –”</p><p>Remus cut him off. “No, I just…Hermione mentioned it this morning, that’s all. And I’d never seen it, so I thought I’d take a little break to go in between papers.”</p><p>“You’d never seen it? Wow, Moony, you truly <em>did </em>live like a monk the whole year that you were here without me. It sounds incredibly boring, by the way. What did you do? Just teach and act wolfy every once in a while and think about me all the time? That sounds like a bloody pathetic way to spend the year.”</p><p>Remus frowned. “You’re telling me that you knew about these books this whole time?”</p><p>“Absolutely, I did, and I’m flabbergasted that you didn’t, what with all the time you spent in the library memorizing things and acting like a prat.”</p><p>Remus waved away Sirius’s dig. “Why didn’t we ever look at the photobooks then, when we were at school? How come no one talked about them?”</p><p>Sirius looked down at another paper and checked off something with a purple pen that he had seized from Remus’s desk. “Absolutely rubbish paper here. Expected better from Mr. Boot, especially for a Ravenclaw. Anyways, why would we? It’s one of those things that no one ever looks at. Like the books in the library on magical fungi. Actually, hold on, Professor Sprout might have her feelings hurt with that one. But you won’t hold it against me, I know. They’re just part of the aesthetic of this crumbling place, at this point.”</p><p>“Well, I would’ve wanted to know that they existed,” Remus said, feeling upset for a reason that he could not quite understand. It felt like when Sirius and James would have conversations after hours together in the dorms, and Remus would lie there trying to sleep and hearing their whispers and muffled laughter the entire time.</p><p>Sirius laughed. “They’re incredibly boring. My family tree was more interesting. Especially after I got blasted off, who could’ve guessed that? Well, I mean, I could have. Who would you have wanted to look up, anyways? What did you go to see? Some bird from the old days?”</p><p>Remus looked uncertain. “I wanted to see us.”</p><p>“Moony,” Sirius said, not looking up from the paper that he was checking off and underlining with great fervor, tapping his pen along the paper as he went, “if you wanted to see my gorgeous face, you could’ve just stopped by my room and I gladly would have let you spend the night. And if you wanted to see a kid with chaotic hair and an eternal Snitch in his hand, you could’ve woken up Harry.”</p><p>“You’re being ridiculous, and you know exactly why I would’ve wanted to go see those books,” Remus said, feeling foolish and yet angry with Sirius for some inexplicable reason that he was only just beginning to feel at the tip of his tongue.</p><p>Sirius finally put down the paper.</p><p>“No, I don’t. But guessing from the look on your face, you want to explain it to me.”</p><p>Remus stood up and leaned in towards Sirius and felt as though he could burst into flames right then and there. “You’re telling me that being in this castle every single day with me doesn’t remind you of James and Lily? Or Marlene and Mary and Dorcas? Or…or…”</p><p>And here, Remus hesitated to get the words out until he almost had to hurl them out at Sirius’s feet, “you and me, as we once were?”</p><p>Sirius tried on a smile. The faint end notes of <em>Purple Rain</em> rang out in the background, and Sirius switched it to Queen’s <em>A Day at the Races</em> almost without thinking and then faced Remus once more.</p><p>“Of course, I think about James and Lily. And Mary, Marlene, Dorcas, Merlin, I can almost hear Mary’s laugh echoing down the corridors. I miss them every single day.”</p><p>“But why don’t you ever mention it?” Remus pleaded.</p><p>“Just because I don’t talk about it all the time doesn’t mean that I’m not exploding every day on the inside, Remus, thinking about everything and about them. But in the grand scheme of things that I could focus on at all, I might as well concentrate on what’s right in front of me.” Sirius started marking a paper angrily.</p><p>“Which is what?” Remus demanded.</p><p>“Taking care of Harry after almost thirteen years of essentially being absent from his life and being a damned good godfather to him and making sure he wants for nothing. And teaching Charms as best as I can so that these kids get <em>something</em> decent out of this year and don’t go snitching to Flitwick next year about how bad I am. I’ll be arsed if they’re out there tarnishing the Black family name for all of the wrong reasons.”</p><p>“So Harry, and Charms. That’s all that’s on your mind.” Remus said, deadpanning.</p><p>“Well, there’s the whole issue that once I leave the Hogwarts grounds, the newspapers are dying to know what I’m up to and how I’m dealing with the fact that I was locked up for so long. You know I got a letter from Xenophilius Lovegood asking for a <em>Quibbler</em> interview? The man wants to know whether I’m part of some muggle rock band. Which honestly, is looking more and more tempting every day.”</p><p>“And that’s all that you’re thinking about.”</p><p>“Yes.” Sirius said after a beat.</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>Sirius thought for a moment. “Well I mean, I guess trying to figure out how to get these kids out of my personal life too. They aren’t quite as bad as the newspapers, but they are pretty terrible. Which reminds me, Moony, I wanted to get your thoughts on the whole fake dating thing. Do you think it’d get the Ravenclaws off my tail if we tried it out?”</p><p>“The answer is no, Sirius, I’m not going to <em>pretend</em> to date you.” Remus felt an odd swoop of frustration in his stomach.</p><p>Remus earned himself a lazy smile. “Oh Moony, you big killjoy. Do me a big favor. Please? Think of how angry it’ll make Severus. We can just pretend to do it until the Ravenclaws settle down.</p><p>“They’re never going to settle down like that,” Remus shouted in exasperation. He rolled up the sleeves of his white shirt.</p><p>Maddeningly, Sirius seemed to think that this was all great fun and kept smiling even more broadly. His mouth fell open in a devilish swoop.</p><p>“You’re telling me, you, Remus Lupin, king of keeping secrets, can’t stomach pretending to be in love with me for a few days? You wound me.”</p><p>There was a brief second of absolute silence. Then:</p><p>“Me? Stomach pretending it?” Remus cried out suddenly, slamming the palm of his hand down on his desk. Sirius flinched. Remus was not sure whether the emotions of seeing the photobook or the frustration of the last few days or the pressure of the all-nighter had been the straw that had ultimately broken the hippogriff’s back. But he knew that one way or another, this was bound to happen. Perhaps it had occurred far too soon for his liking, but he had known in his heart of hearts how everything would shake out the moment Sirius Black appeared in the Shrieking Shack in June, and this had only been reinforced when he had arrived at Hogwarts in the fall, with Sirius following suit. Remus was not sure where the words had come from, and was also not sure how he had kept them in this long. </p><p>"Sirius, you absolute wanker, I’m still in love with you!”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time that Sirius had ever told Remus that he loved him (for real, not the theatric “I love you more than life itself, Remus John Lupin” that Sirius would announce to everyone in the Gryffindor common room whenever Remus let him copy his Defense Against the Dark Arts homework), it had been the night of Sirius’s eighteenth birthday party.</p><p>The Marauders had thrown him a massive celebration that had started off with eighteen different fireworks being launched off the Astronomy Tower, six detentions assigned for the upcoming week, and a total of twenty-five points being deducted from Gryffindor. Back in the common room, Sirius’s beloved, bewitched record player had blasted classic rock (Queen and Bowie, mostly, with some brief Donna Summer disco interludes from Lily and Marlene) and the liquor had flowed continuously all night. James and Lily had just recently gotten together and had spent most of the night dancing on top of tables together, holding hands. Lily’s russet-colored hair had flown everywhere as she shimmied and whooped, and James’s hair only grew messier, as he had managed to figure out how to move from side to side and look as though he could dance in a charmingly awkward way.</p><p>The birthday boy had been the star of the evening, dark eyeliner making his eyes look dangerous, pants outrageously tight, dark hair tousled and flowing over his shoulders and exposed collarbone. Sirius had divulged wild, outlandish stories all night to riotous applause and had been on the brink of transforming into Padfoot just for the hell of it at least twice (James had kicked him once in the shin, and Remus had snogged him another time to cheers and wolf-whistles, preferring to expose himself to the hollers of the crowd before he would let Sirius expose himself as an illegal Animagus).</p><p>Remus thought sometimes about what Professor Slughorn said about potions, that they could ensnare the senses and bewitch the mind, and realized that Sirius could accomplish just that with his storytelling. He had a taste for theater and was rarely without a willing and eager audience. The thing that Remus loved the most about Sirius telling stories was that when he laughed, his entire face and body laughed with him, so that he could never just chuckle and move on – his laughter turned into a full-fledged celebration. Remus had watched him with Lily and James, laughing uproariously in a way that Remus wished he could have recorded on a record so that he could play it on demand.</p><p>Then as Marlene turned on <em>Don’t Go Breaking My Heart</em>, Sirius had flung himself onto the dance floor, bumping against her and pursing his mouth into a perfect “o” shape so that he could sing along with glee. His eyes had shot open, and the depths of them had pulled Remus down as though they had been the only ones in the room. He had reached out his arm and yanked Remus away from a conversation with some seventh-year Ravenclaws in his Ancient Runes class and onto the dance floor. Even though Remus normally begged out of any attempts at dancing, something about Sirius’s Midas touch made him feel as though he could dominate with the best of them. It felt as though he had gold woven into his veins.</p><p>As the party had worn down, after Sirius had good-naturedly tried to blow out his everlasting candles planted by James, after everyone had stumbled to their beds complaining about the wicked hangover they would have to reckon with the next day, after James had been scolded by McGonagall about proper Head Boy behavior and asked Lily why she hadn’t been able to keep Potter in check, after Peter had gone to bed with a case of stomach woes after being helped up the stairs by Remus, in the quiet of the post-party Gryffindor common room, the two of them had been the only ones left. Sirius had pulled Remus onto his favorite chaise in front of the fireplace. Remus’s mustard yellow sleeves were still rolled up to his elbows from when Mary had gotten him to dance with them, and Sirius traced the spindly, crisscrossed scars on his forearms with tenderness.</p><p>The two of them had sat there for a moment and taken in the silence. Remus’s ears were still ringing from how loud the music had been, but it was a pleasant sort of ache.  </p><p>“Go to bed, birthday boy, I think it’s almost four. Did you have fun?” Remus had said with a nudge, lazily banishing the trash scattered around the room.</p><p>“I did.” Sirius had beamed. Sirius had loved celebrating his birthday since he had arrived at Hogwarts. Anything was better than the ornate, uncomfortable dinners and parties that his parents had thrown to parade him around as the heir to the Black name. This moment, being here with Remus in the afterglow of a night when he had been surrounded by all of his favorite people, was heavenly. A pause. “You want to know something?” Sirius had asked earnestly, arms wrapped around Remus tightly.</p><p>“What?” Remus had asked with amusement, expecting another extravagant, larger-than-life story, one of the ones that Sirius had polished to perfection. Remus loved hearing them so much that he would let Sirius tell a story again even if he had told it a million times before.</p><p>Instead, Sirius had buried his face in the crook of his neck and breathed it out more than he said it: “I’m absolutely, madly in love with you.”</p><p>“Are you sure you’re not just drunk?” Remus had teased lightheartedly, but he had stilled into Sirius’s embrace.</p><p>Sirius had slid over so he could look him in the eyes. And with fervor, he had taken Remus’s hands into his and kissed the palms, then his wrists, delicately. His kiss was feathery light.</p><p>“I love you, Remus. You’re my best friend.”</p><p>His voice was raspy and hoarse, like he had smoked one too many cigarettes (which, thinking it through, both of them certainly had). Remus preferred it this way – he liked keeping their words tucked secretly between the two of them, as though they had been the first ever to say it before.</p><p>Remus had been soft and gentle with his words, his hands, his mouth. “I love you too.”</p><p>Sirius had shone brilliantly in the low lights of the common room. Lipstick marks from the girls covered his cheeks, he was covered in glitter, eyeliner was streaked down his face, and his hair was mussed beyond repair. He had never looked so beautiful.</p><p>Remus would never forget, even years later when his friends were buried deep underground and Sirius was in Azkaban with nothing but the constantly changing moons permanently tattooed on his torso for company, the sheer ecstasy of being loved by Sirius Black and loving him in return.</p><p>***</p><p>The boys who had once confessed how they loved each other in the stillness of the Gryffindor common room were now grown men, professors at their alma mater, and yet in many ways they both felt like the teenagers that they once had been and would be evermore.</p><p>Sirius had clearly not been anticipating Remus’s confession. He almost wobbled off of Remus’s chair, where he had been perching comfortably on its hind legs. The chair fell to all four legs with a large thud and the record player skipped a beat and then charged forward as though it had not been interrupted at all. The scene was almost comical, or at least, it would have been funny to Remus if it had not been his own life. Remus hurried over the small table near to his desk and poured himself a small glass of elf-made wine from Dumbledore with shaking hands.</p><p>“Just reject me now and let’s move on,” Remus said hastily, trembling despite his best efforts to project calm and tranquility. His thoughts were flying around his brain with a speed that would have impressed even Viktor Krum, that Quidditch player that Harry seemed to bring up in half their conversations.</p><p>“I just…I didn’t know…I couldn’t have guessed…I mean if I had known…” Sirius said, looking baffled. Remus looked at him with some amazement. Clearly, Sirius could not have been that oblivious…could he have been?</p><p>Sirius gaped at him in absolute silence, his mouth falling open and then closing again as of its own accord.</p><p>
  <em>Clearly, he could be.</em>
</p><p>“Are you having a laugh?” Remus huffed.</p><p>Sirius shook his head with great zest.</p><p>There were two options, Remus thought. He could pretend that this had never happened, pick up his books and papers and retreat to his living quarters to grade papers by himself. Or, he could stick this one through even if it seemed that Sirius was hell-bent on making him explain himself thoroughly.</p><p>Remus poured the rest of the glass of ruby-red wine down his throat and wiped at the sides of his mouth. He would think back to this moment months from now, years from now, and wonder whether it had been the memory of his best friends, brilliant and dead, or the real-life presence of Sirius, brilliant and so wonderfully, incredibly, unexpectedly alive, to send him over the edge.</p><p>He thought of his friends who had been taken so swiftly from their promise-laden futures and who were willing to be martyred because of their scores of bravery. And Remus thought to himself that he could afford to be brave. He had to be, because there was no other option. Remus launched into a spiel that could have been characterized as a diatribe, or a confession, or perhaps even a revelation. Once the waterfall of words started, Remus just could not stop, until he had vomited almost every word that he had kept tucked deeply inside him since they had been back at school.</p><p>“Sirius, I’ve spent the last three weeks – no, the last three months, really – wondering what every word means and how you mean it. You love me, you don’t. You tell me to move in with you for a whole summer and then don’t bother telling me that you’re going to join me at Hogwarts. You’re ready to beat the shit out of Snape for me and carry me back home after the moon, then you decide we should be in a fake relationship just to get a rise out of some students. You flirt with me and take it back. I don’t understand you, Sirius, and maybe I’ve never truly understood you, but either break my heart and be done with it or move on. I’m tired. I’m sad. More than sad, to be frank.”</p><p>He avoided looking at Sirius for the last part. “And I cannot, for the love of me, or maybe for the love of you, focus on the stupid Defense Against the Dark Arts essays that <em>I</em> assigned. I am madly in love with you, and I would be lying straight to your face if I told you otherwise.”</p><p>Remus collapsed backwards on a chair, feeling very much as though he had just jogged around the Great Lake and been chased by the Giant Squid the whole time (an unfortunate reality that had happened to him more than once in his school days, and twice as a professor). He realized with a wince that this bony chair was a good deal less comfortable than his own.</p><p>Sirius studied him in silence for a moment, then walked to the other side of the desk to where Remus was. Remus looked up at him. Sirius loomed large over him, and his grey eyes were inscrutable in the warm glow of the candle-lit office. Remus was almost immediately embarrassed. The streak of bravery that had shot through him like a bolt of lightning seemed to be extinguished, and the embers floated awkwardly between them.</p><p>“That was a lot, I’m sorry.. The photobooks…the essays…You know what, I might just be losing it a little bit. Ignore this, honestly. Let’s go back to listening to Queen. Or we can talk about how much you missed out on Prince’s hits. If it makes you feel better, I didn’t really enjoy them that much when they came out, either. I just bought that record over the summer.”</p><p>Remus chose to leave out the part where he had almost thrown Sirius’s record player out the window after everything had transpired, and had only kept it because he couldn’t bear to see that enchanted record player that had taken so much effort to charm suffer as a result of its owner’s mad decisions.</p><p>“I can’t believe Freddie Mercury died,” Sirius said suddenly. Remus had regretted telling him that Mercury had died three years earlier in the early days of Sirius’s return, since Sirius had looked as though he had lost a dear friend. Perhaps he had. Sirius had started buying Queen records surreptitiously to keep him sane when he still lived with his parents. Freddie <em>had</em> been a friend to him.</p><p>“It’s a damn tragedy.” Remus agreed, just as the record flipped over to the other side of its own volition. The two of them sat in the echo of the music for a moment and listened as Freddie Mercury’s voice rang out around them.</p><p>“So what I was saying was…”</p><p>“I’d rather not stretch this out, Sirius, just–”</p><p>“Remus,” Sirius said kindly, “shut up, please.”</p><p>Then he took Remus’s right hand and pressed his mouth to his knuckles, kissing where the skin met bone with ferocity.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Remus said, startled.</p><p>“Sometimes,” Sirius said, flipping his hair back from his face and sitting on the corner of Remus’s desk so that their legs overlapped and intertwined, eyeing Remus as though he were something precious and extraordinary, “I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to have you in my life, here at Hogwarts with me, back in Grimmauld Place. And when everything, and I mean <em>everything</em>, was horrid and dark and miserable, I didn’t just think about the fact that I was innocent and needed to get back to Harry and get him away from Peter. I thought about you. I thought about how I needed to stay sane for <em>you</em> in case I ever figured out how to get out. All I did was think of you. And all I do now is think of you, all the time. At breakfast. In class. When I’m in bed and trying to go to sleep.”</p><p>Remus peered at Sirius, who was staring at the pebbled grey floor with an intensity that could burn straight through the stone. Had they still been children and unable to control their magic, he certainly would have set something here on fire from the sheer heat of his words by now. It was funny how Sirius could say all of this with such ardor, and yet his face could be pulled tightly together like beautiful, cold marble.</p><p>Sirius continued with a sharp inhale. “I’ve been all over the place since the summer, Moony. I’m just not the same person I used to be, and it wouldn’t be fair to you,” Sirius said. His voice grew quieter and quieter as he kept speaking, but it was as though he were talking right into Remus’s ear. “And I don’t know if you’ll like the person that I am now that I’m out in the real world again. You deserve someone who is whole for you and good for you. Someone who isn’t all…messed up in the head. Someone who will give you peace, Remus, because <em>I</em> can’t give you that. And I haven’t been able to give you that for the last twenty years, so I should really come off it.”</p><p>Sirius was giving him an out, Remus realized, or he was making excuses. But either way, something inside of him was alight with hope, or foolishness, or both. The zap of bravery that had smoldered was ignited once more, this time with a vengeance. Like Icarus, Remus had ventured to fly too close to the sun. Unlike Icarus, he did not care if he fell from thirty thousand feet above the sea if it meant that he could at least get close.</p><p>“Did you miss out on what I said? The part when I said I’m in love with you? That part?” Remus fired back. “I’m not stuck on what happened fifteen years ago. Or twenty years ago, when you were even more posh and insufferable than you are now, for that manner.”</p><p>“You don’t know what you’re doing,” Sirius said woefully.</p><p>“Why? How could I possibly not know what I’m doing?” Remus demanded. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not a teenager anymore, and I’m fairly certain I can make decisions for myself.” Remus pointed to the grey that had begun to dapple his brown hair.</p><p>“You’d look good as a silver fox,” Sirius deadpanned.</p><p>“Can we get back to the topic at hand?” Remus demanded.</p><p>Sirius shook his head. “You don’t understand, Remus.” Sirius turned his head up so that he was staring at the ceiling. His neck seemed longer than ever as it was fully exposed to Remus’s gaze. “I can’t sleep at night, and when I do I have all these terrible dreams, I hate being alone ever, I can’t keep my attention span, my temper is all off, I’m loud and a little obnoxious–”</p><p>“Well, you’ve always been loud and a little obnoxious,” Remus smirked.</p><p>Sirius smiled weakly. “Tosser. I take it all back. I’ve always been charming and adorable. But sometimes…I feel less charming than ever, ever since I came back,” he said, and his voice wobbled something awful at the end.</p><p>Remus stared at him. “Do you know, Sirius, that half this school is madly in love with you even though you may think you’re falling apart? They think that you are the most brilliant thing since the muggles invented sliced bread.”</p><p>“Truly fascinating, their sliced bread invention. And all of that without magic, too,” Sirius broke away quickly, grateful for an excuse to change the subject and clearly clinging onto <em>something</em> that wasn’t this conversation. “It makes me wish that I had pulled an Arthur Weasley and decided to spend all my time tinkering around with muggle objects for fun. I wish I had brought my motorbike with me, honestly. Do you think we can bring it back with us after the Christmas hols?”</p><p>“Maybe. It would be hard to keep it away from Hagrid though, he refused to even let me have it after…er…everything. Though I might have burned it back then, so maybe he was doing all of us a favor.” </p><p>Then, Remus gently pulled him back to the conversation at hand. “Sirius, I know all of that may be true, and I still love you anyways. And clearly I can’t stop saying it even though I fear that it may be a mistake to have even brought this up. Frankly, I’m offended that you’d go through so many hoops just to make some excuses that surely you don’t even entirely believe. It’s you and me, and it’s always been. So please, if you’re dead-set on that, just tell me that you don’t want me and let me move on so we can go back to being just Moony and Padfoot running amok together without any of the lingering feelings. I promise. I won’t even feel bad, just a little awkward but that’ll fade as most things do.”</p><p>Sirius looked at him with a wild expression in his eyes.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“No?” Remus asked flatly.</p><p>“You don’t think I want you?” Sirius asked helplessly.</p><p>“Are you saying you do?” Remus asked with a swift arch of his eyebrow.</p><p>“I’m saying,” Sirius said, and he swept back his hair repetitively, “that this would be a mistake. A mistake for you, because you deserve better. And there’s so much…there’s so much that you haven’t noticed about me since I left, Remus, and I feel like I’ve just been faking it this whole time and you’re not going to like it. What if you don’t like me anymore?”</p><p>“That’s objectively false. And I spend a good amount of time noticing you anyways,” Remus said, and his cheeks betrayed him by lighting up.</p><p>“But what if it’s not false?”</p><p>Remus threw his hands up in atypical carelessness. It took both of them by surprise, and Remus remembered what he had loved so much about Sirius from the very beginning – he always made him feel braver than he actually was. Or at least, he had taught him to pretend to be brave even when he didn’t particularly feel like it. “I don’t care, Sirius, about whether you can offer me any peace. I’m a penniless, orphaned werewolf who has never brought anyone a day of peace in his life and you somehow loved me anyways, once upon a time, in a time that was even less forgiving to people like me. Though it’s still quite miserable, mind you, not <em>that</em> much changed while you were away.”</p><p>“But that’s different. You’re…” Sirius looked as though he were struggling with the words. The shadow of unsaid sentences cast over the two of them. “…gorgeous.”</p><p>Remus laughed shortly. “Well now, you’re being ridiculous. If you want to just flatter me to make me feel better, you’ve got to figure out something better than that.”</p><p>“Oh for…I’m not trying to flatter you!” Sirius shouted, and kicked angrily at the desk underneath him with the heel of his boot. “I’m trying to tell you that I love you back but you won’t shut up long enough for me to say it!”</p><p>Remus blinked at him quickly, until his light brown lashes threatened to clump all together. “Actually?”</p><p>Sirius couldn’t resist laughing. “Wow, you’re an angsty bugger sometimes, Moony. Only one of us is allowed to be angsty at a time, and I signed up for that slot for this hour, so shove off.”</p><p>“So you want this?” Remus said, as though he could have started jogging that very minute and given Mercury (the god, not the singer) himself a run for his money. “You want me?”</p><p>“I want you. And I have no idea what I’m doing.”</p><p>The wave of relief that crashed over Remus was so palpable and real that Remus could almost feel it puddling around their feet.</p><p>“Neither do I,” Remus laughed apprehensively, touching the hairs at the back of his neck.</p><p> “Aren’t you afraid?” Sirius muttered.</p><p>“A little,” Remus admitted. “But I’m surprised that you are. I seem to remember someone who decided to make it official in the most obnoxious way possible, in front of the whole bloody house after a Quidditch game, once upon a time.”</p><p>“I don’t know if I’m that person anymore,” Sirius said honestly, and his eyes betrayed the fear that ran rampant within him.</p><p>The words seemed to come out of a place deep within Remus, a store that not even he knew how to access. “And that’s okay if you’re not. Because I love the person you were then, and I love the person you are now.”</p><p>They stopped. Remus stared into Sirius’s dazzling, dark eyes and wished for a moment that he could see what went on behind all that beauty. As the silence stretched onward past the realm of comfort and into awkwardness, Remus flicked his wand towards his stack of papers and began grading calmly, scratching off misspellings and awarding extra points for thematic conclusions that cobbled together teachings from other subjects. He flicked his wand again and the record player spun out <em>Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy</em> once more. It was stupid, but the song reminded him of Sirius in his daydreams and the way that he would sing it to him back when they lived together after school. And then the real-life Sirius started to sing with his honeyed, high voice.</p><p>Remus looked up at him just as Sirius looked down affectionately from his perch on the desk.</p><p>“Moony,” Sirius said earnestly, interrupting Remus’s barrage of twisting thoughts that all began and ended with how badly he wanted to kiss him right then and there, “would you say that I charmed you?”</p><p>“Oh, fuck off, Sirius.”</p><p>With a quick, fluid move, Sirius placed his hand behind the nape of Remus’s neck and raised him up from the chair until they were both standing. Remus resisted the urge to look away from Sirius’s searching look. Then, just when Remus had settled on a witty retort, Sirius leaned in and kissed him hard. His hand was pressed up against the back of Remus’s head, and soon they were wrapped around each other, a handful of papers still scrunched in Remus’s hand. Remus could not say it felt just like the old days, because it didn’t. Whereas the kisses of their youth had often been electric, as though they could burn down the castle with them inside of it, this one felt different. Comforting, almost, like returning home after a long trip abroad.</p><p>They broke apart after a while, Sirius looking besotted and Remus looking Confunded. Sirius returned to Remus’s chair and put his legs on the desk so his boots hung off the sides. He looked at Remus smugly. Remus slumped back into the chair on the opposite side of the table. After a moment, he spoke hesitantly. Whereas a moment ago, Sirius had been the one urging caution, now Remus felt the weight of their decisions more acutely and heavily on his chest than he had the whole evening. They weren’t eighteen anymore, he realized, and being together again would have an entire host of repercussions that they had not had to reckon with when he was younger. By contrast, Sirius was looking as though he had just been told that Snape had been fired and he would get to take the exclusive pictures of him leaving the castle with all his belongings. It was as though the kiss had returned them both to their old selves again, Remus back to weighing the benefits, Sirius happy to be as reckless as he could get away with being.</p><p>“Wait…what are we doing? What are we doing?”</p><p>“What do you think it means? It’s nearly three in the morning. You love me, right? You haven’t backed out of this yet? And I love you. Godric, I do. Do you want me to shout it from the Astronomy Tower? I’d do it a million times over, you know. Wake up the whole school. Get Dumbledore in his stupid little nightcap to come pull me down.”</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus colored at the exhilaration in Sirius’s tone, “you’re being absurd.” His brain rattled around in his head as his thoughts raced at a hundred-kilometer pace.</p><p>“Should I tell all my students?” Sirius said wickedly.</p><p>“Absolutely not!” Remus shouted, bursting into peals of nervous laughter. Then, he couldn’t stop laughing, until the streams of tears ran down his face and he still couldn’t stop laughing. Sirius started laughing, and then reached over to pour both of them a glass of wine. Remus shoved his own back towards him. He swiped at his eyes. “No. No. No, this is for you. I can’t stop laughing right now, I look like an idiot. And…oh Godric, stop looking at me like that. I don’t think we can tell anyone, Sirius. Think about all these things that are different now. My career. It’s already hard enough, you know, being a barely employable werewolf. Your career, er, or whatever it is you want to do, since you’re filthy rich and don’t actually need to work.”</p><p>“It’s true. I am.”</p><p>Remus ignored him and continued. “I can’t imagine Dumbledore would be thrilled if, you know, um, the students ever found out. And, oh Merlin, what about Harry?”</p><p>Sirius laughed. “Moony, it’s fine. I think you’re right. We don’t need to tell anyone. It’ll be good…we’ll keep the pressure low, you know, between us and keep people from being nosy buggers.”</p><p>“So you agree, we’ll keep this professional.”</p><p>Sirius topped off his glass. “Professional…interesting word. Never heard of it.”</p><p>“<em>Sirius</em>!”</p><p>“Fine, fine, fine. For Harry’s sake, and Dumbledore’s, and yours, and maybe my own, in case you realize what a terrible mistake this is and that you could have anyone else instead.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t want anyone else,” Remus objected. “We’ll keep this…a secret…then,” Remus offered, feeling silly and transported back immediately to their sixth year.</p><p>“I solemnly swear that I’ll be up to no good. Maybe a little good. Or maybe a little bad, I haven’t decided yet,” Sirius said, eyes dancing. “You want to seal it with a little snog?”</p><p>Remus was suddenly shy.</p><p>“Come here, you prude,” Sirius said, giving him a wet kiss on the cheek and then another on the mouth. He tasted like plums and wine.</p><p>Remus pretended to be annoyed, but his mouth betrayed him. He picked up his stack of papers and realized with a cheer that he had finished grading the sixth-year Gryffindors and could move onto the next class of his. He wiped at the sides of his mouth. “You’re such a sloppy kisser.”</p><p>“I spent a whole year as a dog, Moony.” Sirius said gravely. “It’s an unfortunate occupational hazard.”</p><p>“A likely excuse,” Remus replied. “Now get out of my chair. It’s more comfortable than this one, and I have twenty-four more essays to try to grade before our staff meeting at eight. Go home.”</p><p>“Nah,” said Sirius, producing his own papers easily with a perfect Summoning Charm and nicking a quill off Remus’s desk, “I told you, Moony. I’m in this for the long haul.”</p><p>***</p><p>Remus had an odd dream, where Harry had somehow been appointed as Headmaster of Hogwarts and had brought both of him and Sirius into his office to dump their thoughts into a Pensieve. He looked like Dumbledore too, with his normal round eyeglasses switched out for Dumbledore’s small spectacles, and a long, white beard. Remus was begging Harry to reconsider whether he really wanted to see into their thoughts, and when he turned to ask Sirius for help, he had turned into Freddie Mercury in the <em>Under Pressure</em> music video.</p><p>“Moony, <em>Moony</em>, wake up.”</p><p>Sirius’s voice drifted through the dream like a melody.</p><p>“Freddie?” Remus asked groggily.</p><p>“Who’s Freddie?” Sirius asked. “Should I be concerned?”</p><p>Remus cracked one eye open and realized that Sirius was standing in front of him and shaking his shoulder.</p><p>“What are you doing here? Is it time for breakfast?” Remus yawned, until his jaw clicked. He realized that his bones ached all over, as though he had been through a full moon. This is what he got for sleeping poorly, he supposed.</p><p>“Not quite. We have a staff meeting in ten minutes. Actually,” Sirius said, and he picked up Remus’s limp arm to examine his wristwatch, before letting his arm fall back into place, “nine minutes.”</p><p>“A…staff what? Oh…<em>shit</em>,” Remus shouted suddenly, jumping up and shoving various papers into his satchel. He pulled his sweater on, and then his robes from a chair. “Oh we’re going to be late. McGonagall is going to kill me. Us. Why didn’t you wake me earlier?”</p><p>Sirius shrugged. “You looked cute.”</p><p>The events of last night – or rather, that morning – came storming back to Remus. He met Sirius’s eyes shyly, and he watched as Sirius’s mouth spread open in a smirk. He chose to ignore that look and instead, rummaged through his desk drawers to pop a Flossing Stringmint into his mouth. He would have to return to his quarters to get dressed as some point that morning. He had double class with the fourth-year Gryffindors right after, but maybe after that…</p><p>“Where’s your tee-shirt from yesterday? Did you get dressed? Oh, Merlin, I look like a mess,” Remus fretted, looking at his crumpled outfit in the mirror as they dashed out of his office.</p><p>“Transfigured it into this,” Sirius said, pinching the white button-down that he was now wearing with jeans underneath his black teaching robes. “If you stand still long enough, I can charm the wrinkles out of those robes. You always were rubbish at all those household charms. Even Jamie was better than you at them. Stop for a minute.”</p><p>“I don’t have the <em>time</em> to stop,” Remus said, wringing his hands as he continued walking quickly down the corridors. He smiled at various students that they met along the way, but he did not stop to say anything to anyone. “I don’t have time for anything.”</p><p>“Oh yeah? For anything?” Sirius asked lightly, and he shoved him rudely into the Charms classroom, next to the teachers’ lounge where Dumbledore held staff meetings.</p><p>“Oh, what are you,” Remus started, and Sirius cut him off with a long kiss that made Remus dizzy – though to be fair, he thought, that might have also been from his run through the castle. Sirius pressed him up against the wooden door of the classroom and the small frosted glass in its center, his hands weaving through his hair. Remus kissed him back hard, and then after a moment, brought his wrist into his line of vision behind Sirius’s dark hair.</p><p>“We literally have one minute,” Remus gasped.</p><p>“That’s fine, I’ll only take thirty seconds,” Sirius said deviously.</p><p>Remus turned red.</p><p>Sirius pressed one hand against his chest, then brought out his wand and gently ran it along the outlines of Remus’s robes, until they looked pristinely pressed.</p><p>“Well,” Sirius said innocently, as the color died down on Remus’s cheeks, “what did <em>you </em>think I meant by that?”</p><p>Ignoring him, Remus led the way into the staffroom next door, where thankfully, they were not the last to arrive. They squeezed in next to Professor McGonagall.</p><p>“Professor Lupin.” She paused, as though the next words physically pained her. “Professor Black.”</p><p>“It is my <em>lucky</em> day,” Sirius exclaimed, and Hagrid grinned broadly at them, “getting to be next to my beloved Professor McGonagall at this meeting. Almost makes the early morning call time worth it. Honestly, when Dumbledore asked me for the position, I specifically asked to be placed under your tutelage and am <em>alarmed</em> at how rarely our paths get to cross. It’s almost like you’re avoiding me, and I truly cannot fathom how or why that might be.”</p><p>Professor Burbage, the Muggle Studies professor, snickered into her hand.</p><p>Remus looked at him with awe. It was amazing how quickly Sirius could snap into place, even on no sleep. Sirius turned to smile at him affectionately, and his heart quickened. As Remus turned back to his parchment to write, he saw Snape standing a few feet away, eyeing both Sirius and Remus with even more disgust than he did normally. A flicker of anxiety coursed through him for some inexplicable reason.</p><p>“I cannot say that I often have the occasion to run into you, Professor Black, especially since you are usually surrounded by your crowd of student admirers,” Professor McGonagall said tightly.</p><p>“Well you know I’d leave them all for you, just say the word.” Sirius said with a winning grin.</p><p>“Good morning, professors and staff,” Dumbledore said as he swept into the room with his long, violet robes. He eyed all of them with a twinkling look as he headed to the front of the staff room.</p><p>There was a cacophonous chorus of greetings from the professors. Hagrid’s was the loudest and most deferential among them. Dumbledore started, as usual, with fifteen minutes of seemingly random observations about flora, fauna, candies, and pranks that he had been particularly interested in on the part of the Weasley twins.</p><p>“Now then, let us proceed to the business aspect of this gathering,” Dumbledore said, accepting a sheet of parchment paper from Filch and running down the list of items. “Ah, yes. Let us start, then, with a detail that will be of most interest to your students. After careful deliberation with the Beauxbatons Academy of Magic and the Durmstrang Institute, I am pleased to announce that though we have not found it auspicious for the return of the Triwizard Tournament this year, the students will be joining us from the end of December to the middle of January.”</p><p>There were assorted mutterings around the room. Remus gave Sirius a meaningful look.</p><p>“Headmaster, do you think…that is wise to invite them here?” Snape asked, oily as ever.</p><p>“Yes, Severus, Igor, Madame Maxine, and I all agree that the occasion has come for the three schools to be united in strength. Perhaps it is not yet time to participate in the Triwizard Tournament itself, but we can certainly celebrate the Yule Ball and assorted holiday gatherings together,” Dumbledore said firmly.</p><p>“Are we to be expected to look after these students while they’re here?” Professor Sinistra asked with a raised eyebrow. Professor Binns nodded in agreement, though the force of the movement sent him sailing up to the ceiling.</p><p>“We’ll welcome them in all the same,” Professor Sprout replied enthusiastically.</p><p>“Of course, I saw it coming, Professor Dumbledore, my aura perceived an event of great importance occurring,” Professor Trelawney said mystically, “though it does not guarantee good omens.”</p><p>“Oh really now,” Professor McGonagall said with pursed lips, eyeing Professor Trelawney skeptically.</p><p>“Thank you, all, that will be enough.” Dumbledore said, and his light blue eyes twinkled brightly at her. “They’ll be joining us for the Christmas holidays, and it is expected that their own professors will watch over them. Though of course, we will watch over them as we expect them to watch over our own. The festivities will be grand, and the full list will be forthcoming. I personally am looking forward to a lovely Viennese Waltz with Professor McGonagall.”</p><p>The rest of the meeting passed slowly, and Remus began to fall asleep in his seat one point until Sirius jiggled him awake with his foot. The meeting was about to end and the teachers about to disperse, when Snape raised his voice.</p><p>“A moment, Headmaster,” Snape said silkily. “I would like to know whether Hogwarts has any protocol in place for…romantic relationships among faculty and staff.”</p><p>“He’s asking for you and me,” Sirius said to McGonagall loudly.</p><p>Titters broke out across the lounge.</p><p>“An interesting question, Severus,” Dumbledore asked with amusement. “Are you planning on an engagement anytime soon?”</p><p>Professor Sprout let out a hiccup of laughter. Snape scowled.</p><p>“No, Professor, it simply strikes me as something that we should consider developing a code for,” Snape said softly, “as it might send the wrong sort of message to the students if their professors, who are entrusted with their care and protection, are seen <em>cavorting</em> lawlessly with their paramours about the castle.”</p><p>“We have not yet had such a need for protocol. Perhaps we will consider it if the moment arises, Severus,” Dumbledore said, and clapped his hands. “Until then, be well.”</p><p>The room began emptying out as professors headed to their classes.</p><p>“Well, that was odd.” Remus overheard Professor Burbage whisper to Professor Sprout. “You don’t think Severus of all people is in a committed relationship?”</p><p>Professor Sprout shook her head. “I had heard something about Filius having found a girlfriend during his sabbatical, but why on earth would that affect anything here?”</p><p>“Well I <em>did</em> hear something about Madam Rosmerta and Hagrid…”</p><p>The two witches began gossiping at full speed.</p><p>“You know he meant…you know who he was talking about,” Remus said to Sirius quietly. His face had been stark white for that entire exchange.</p><p>“He’s just a homophobic, miserable git,” Sirius growled as the two of them left the lounge.</p><p>Remus wrung his hands together, and Sirius nudged him with his shoulder cheerfully.</p><p>“Oh, Moony, it’s going to be okay. Remember, we’re going to pull this off. If we could pull off, ah, your furry little problem, and my own, for all those years, what’s the difference here? No one will even know, and especially not Snivellus. You don’t have to worry about it. We’ll be positively discreet,” Sirius said quietly.</p><p>“Right,” Remus said, and he glanced down at his watch. “I have class now. With Harry, actually,” he said lightly.</p><p>“Good. Knock ‘em dead, I’ll see you for lunch. Love you.”</p><p>Remus looked at him with mild annoyance.</p><p>“Right, tell Harry that I love him, that’s what I meant,” Sirius said quickly, as the first-year Hufflepuffs began filtering into the Charms classroom. “Fuck.”</p><p>Remus groaned internally and shuffled off to his own classroom. He gave them a week, tops, before they got found out.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am so grateful to everyone for reading, and especially grateful to those who comment and leave kudos! They really brighten my day :')</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Long ago, when Remus was still young, his mother had read and re-read him a storybook where the young girl at the center of the tale had exclaimed that she felt lucky to live in a world where there were Octobers. It had been one of Hope’s favorite books when she was younger, and Remus could still remember the delight in her voice as she tried out the different voices. Sometimes she strained her melodic Welsh accent to give the characters what she called “Canadian voices,” as the muggle author would have intended. She particularly loved that line, as her own birthday was in October.</p><p>The first time Remus had heard Hope read the line out loud, he had loved it too, and wanted to be enveloped by the love of the book in the same way that his mother had been. October became his favorite month, selected in one of those arbitrary, seemingly meaningless ways that sticks with you for the rest of your life. By the time he could read the entire book by himself without any help, he was old enough to enjoy the bookish, distinctly autumnal scent of a new school year, and found renewed joys in October. At Hogwarts, October had offered another series of delights. For seven idyllic years, the happiest in his life, Remus had reveled in the bountiful cornucopia of colors that painted the grounds in red and orange; the pumpkin-flavored desserts that the house elves would send up for meals; the fantastic Halloween Feast and equally fanciful Halloween pranks that the Marauders would cook up; and the leaves that Sirius would sometimes Charm to follow Severus around just for the entertainment of his fellow Marauders.</p><p>Then, after a solitary, suspicious October 1981 that had culminated with one of the worst days of his entire life – worse, perhaps, than the night that Greyback had burst through his window – Remus had thought that the month would forever be ruined for him.  It felt stupid to live in a world of Octobers, and pointless to wait for each one with anticipation. He could not bear to think of an occasion when he would associate October with anything besides irreplaceable, inescapable loss. Hope Lupin died in the beginning of 1983, erasing what Remus thought was the last remaining reason to celebrate the month. The flip of the calendar now meant only that he was one day closer to another moon – nothing else. Throughout his twenties and early thirties, Remus spent one October searching for companionship, another few looking for a job, and still others trying to find the person that he had once been. It was just another month on a calendar that seemed to stretch on forever.</p><p>But then came October 1994, and the return of Sirius Black in a way that flipped his life from black and white to a dazzling bouquet of colors, and a job that he loved with students that he adored, and a young teenager who cared for him both as a teacher and as an uncle, and the boxes of the calendar no longer felt like silver cages designed to trap him in.</p><p>Remus once more felt that he was truly lucky to live in a world where there were Octobers.</p><p>***</p><p>To Remus’s delight, and his infinite surprise, they had managed to keep this – <em>whatever it was</em> – a secret from everyone. Sometimes Remus woke up smiling for no reason and had to catalogue his life before he realized that the reason for his goofy grin in the mornings was Sirius, whom he loved. Who loved him back, against all of the odds, and who made October seem fresh and new once more.</p><p>Luckily, the rumors of Sirius’s purported relationship seemed to have died down after a week, to be replaced with the general fawning over him that the students had carried on since his first day at Hogwarts. This was in part because of Sirius’s own actions. Sirius had dodged the gossips with more stories about his Hogwarts days and had tactfully dropped Marlene’s name in conversation a few times (“Sorry, McKinnon, but it wasn’t your first time being my beard,” Sirius had said gravely, as he told Remus the story). After some Ravenclaws were able to confirm that Marlene had passed on, their general reluctance to engage with the topic of death – as most young people did – had changed the topics of interest. They figured that Sirius was still in love with this young woman who had perished tragically young, and refused to go further down that rabbit hole. While the students all looked to Professor Black as their handsome, charismatic professor, they had stopped looking to him for any signs of his romantic relationships or lack thereof. That was perfectly fine with Remus, who preferred to keep his name out of everyone’s mouth, <em>especially</em> in connection with Sirius.</p><p>Their daily schedules had gone virtually unchanged. Most of the day, he and Sirius taught in their own classrooms, on their own and distinct floors, with Remus deliciously conscious of the fact that Sirius was just a few minutes away. Sometimes he was tempted to borrow Harry’s Invisibility Cloak and sit in class with Sirius, just for the hell of watching him in action. Their teaching styles were wildly different, and the poor section of students that had Defense Against the Dark Arts followed by Charms often suffered from whiplash at going from Professor Lupin’s classroom to Professor Black’s. Remus steadfastly and thoughtfully instilled into his students an appreciation for their own potential at mastering Defense Against the Dark Arts. He was methodical in his teaching and aimed for a precise, even split between theory and practice. His notes took up entire swaths of blackboards sometimes, and he once or twice had to transfigure a notepad into still another chalkboard because he had gotten carried away.</p><p>Sirius continued, on the other hand, to play pranks on students when they didn’t do their homework or got distracted in class, despite his own penchant for distraction. He had escalated in his Charms on the Weasley Twins, who were only too happy to respond in turn. His lessons were fanciful and quirky, and always laden with stories about his days with the Marauders with a tone of voice that was warm and yet clearly indicated to his listeners that there were some details that they were locked out of, simply because they had not been there. Sirius’s students continued to follow him around like lovesick puppies, and Remus was inclined to laugh before he realized that he would do the same if he were in their shoes.</p><p>As a favor to Remus, Sirius on multiple occasions alluded to the fact that he and Professor Lupin had been classmates, friends even, but never implicated Remus in any of the pranks that he had pulled in school. The students certainly saw the two of them laughing together at meals, but as the students were not privy to anything else that they did as September came to an end and October was born again – the late nights that they spent sneaking out to Hogsmeade for musical events and drinks at the Three Broomsticks, the weekends spent dreaming up ideas for pranks they might have pulled once upon a time – they were fairly confident that the two of them were not particularly close.</p><p>While October for Remus might have meant a whole host of things that bordered on waxing unnecessarily nostalgic, to most of his students and even a fair chunk of the teacher corps, October meant only one thing: <em>Quidditch</em>. For the Gryffindors, they had their attentions set towards the first game of the season against Ravenclaw.</p><p>As a result of the imminent start to the season, Remus had barely been able to see Harry for the last two weeks, as he had been training diligently under the new Gryffindor captain, Angelina Johnson. Ron had also made the Quidditch team, since their beloved and intense former captain Oliver Wood had joined the Puddlemere United reserve team since graduating. The first match of the season was to be Ron’s opening game. Remus had noted a certain new swagger born in Ron since he had been selected to join the team. While Remus was pleased that Ron had been picked for the team and that his confidence had clearly taken a boost as a result, he was less delighted about the fact that he had been forced to take ten points off both him and Harry for attempting to sneak into class twenty minutes late the week of the first game (Harry had apologized profusely with Ron nodding sheepishly next to him, explaining to Remus that Angelina had sought them out for a sudden early morning practice session).</p><p>Despite his disappointment at the lack of opportunity that he had had to see Harry, Remus quietly thought this to be a blessing in disguise. How else would he have been able to conceal the fact that he was mooning so obviously (in Remus’s opinion, anyways, judging by the number of silly and nonsensical smiles that had begun to crop up in conversation) over Sirius? Or the surreptitious night-time trips to Hogsmeade that they had begun taking with the help of their friend, the One-Eyed Witch (how they could have used their Map now, Remus often thought)? Or the fact that he and Sirius had spent both of the last two weekends together, talking energetically about their students or about the people they had once known or been, music that they had once shared, indulging each other with their words, or…well, Harry wouldn’t have to know that last part, Remus thought hastily. While most students had not found their constant companionship particularly noteworthy, Remus was afraid that Harry would put the details together. Sirius swore that the boy was oblivious to just about everything, worse than James, even, but still, Remus could not help but think about the eventual conversation that would take place and how difficult that might be for Harry. Harry’s near absence had put those conversations in a far-off part of Remus’s mind; for now, he would support Harry how he could, and that meant attending the first Quidditch match of the season.</p><p>“I’m not even sure we’re supposed to pick sides, as teachers. I made a distinct effort last year to be neutral about this,” Remus complained as he sat on one of the dark red, velvet poufs in Sirius’s living quarters. He glanced meaningfully at his wristwatch and then back up at Sirius, who was flipping his hair back and forth to give it volume.</p><p>“Who’s says we’re picking sides?” Sirius deadpanned, moving on from his hair to re-applying swipes of crimson paint to his cheekbones. He was decked out in a Gryffindor scarf, a matching hat, and a red and gold Gryffindor Quidditch jersey that resembled the old, thick style that had been popular during their school days. He had transfigured two of the new ones to look like the ones that James, Marlene, and even Sirius (before he had been kicked off the team at the end of fifth year, in any case) had worn. He had given one to Remus, but Remus had insisted that their role as teachers who were not Heads of Houses was to remain as impartial as possible. He had worn a woolen Gryffindor scarf and tucked it in his jacket, but that was only a flash of house spirit.</p><p>“I’m serious,” Remus said idly, looking out the window. It was cruelly beautiful outside. The sun was shining brilliantly, but the wind was whipping the autumn leaves around with a vengeance and giving the towering Whomping Willow – unfortunately visible from Sirius’s quarters – a run for its money.</p><p>“No, <em>I’m </em>Sirius,” Sirius replied stubbornly. As was their custom, Remus ignored him.</p><p>“What will all your Ravenclaw admirers say?”</p><p>Sirius grinned jauntily. “They’ll simply have to deal with the fact that my heart belongs to another.”</p><p>Remus raised an eyebrow. “Oh does it, now?”</p><p>“Correct. And that person is Godric Gryffindor.”</p><p>He stepped over the shag rug that he had insisted on bringing from Grimmauld Place and gave Remus a good, hard kiss. Despite his best efforts at appearing resigned, Remus felt Sirius smiling against his mouth and could not resist doing the same. Sirius wrapped his arms around him languidly, as though they had all the time in the world. Remus realized after a beat that they did not, in fact, have any time left, and tore himself away with some reluctance.</p><p>“Are you ready? We’re going to be late. It’s quarter to. Also, I will <em>seriously </em>ask you if you will consider changing your outfit. You’re going to embarrass Harry at this rate.”</p><p>“You know, I love you, you absolute bloody killjoy,” Sirius said fondly, kissing Remus on the top of the head. He looked around for his sunglasses, could not find them amidst the heap of records and memorabilia scattered around his living room, and then lazily transfigured a spare apple that Remus had brought from breakfast into a pair of crimson-rimmed sunglasses. He opened the door, scanned the area with a dramatic flourish, and then nodded at Remus, who stepped out into the corridor after him.</p><p>The two began walking. “Also, just for the record: <em>embarrass</em> him? James never would have been embarrassed. Remember that time I showed up for his final game absolutely starkers–”</p><p>“Yes,” Remus said gently, repeating a phrase that he had found himself somewhat often over the last four months, “but Harry isn’t James.”</p><p>“Right, right. But they do look uncannily similar to one another. And didn’t you tell me that Ginny had a little crush on him? Accidentally wrote their initials together on that vampire essay you assigned last year? Maybe he’ll end up having a thing for redheads too,” Sirius snorted.</p><p>Remus sometimes regretted telling Sirius his personal observations about his students.</p><p>“Don’t you<em> dare</em> tell Harry,” Remus warned, aiming a roundhouse kick at Sirius that he dodged easily.</p><p>“I will not. You know how good I am at keeping all of your secrets, Moony,” Sirius said coquettishly, before waving jubilantly at Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan, who were coming down from Gryffindor Tower with a giant banner of a painted lion. “Hello, gentlemen.”</p><p>“Hi Professors,” Seamus grinned.</p><p>“Hello, Professor Lupin,” Dean Thomas said eagerly. Remus greeted both students, and smiled warmly at Dean, who was one of his favorite students. Mr. Finnegan was also a good student and a rather nice young man, but he had an unfortunate proclivity for setting things on fire accidentally, and Remus had lost one set of good robes to his questionable talent. “Hiya, Professor Black. Headed to the match?”</p><p>“Nah, Dean, he’s headed for tea at his mam’s with that outfit on,” Seamus snickered.</p><p>Sirius laughed. The four of them walked together towards the sun-kissed, breezy grounds. It was close to eleven. The match was set to begin at eleven o’clock, and students of all houses were gathering in the stands, eager to watch the Quidditch season kick off. Dean and Seamus bade their professors farewell and headed to the Gryffindor section. Students from several houses flocked over to Remus and Sirius to say hello, but Remus noticed several of his Ravenclaw students looking particularly disappointed to see Professor Black donning Gryffindor Quidditch apparel.</p><p>“Come on,” Remus nudged Sirius, after Lavender Brown had trapped Sirius in a conversation about particular charms that a witch might learn to get someone interested in her. “The match is about to begin, and I want to see when Harry flies out.”</p><p>With great relief, Sirius said goodbye to Lavender and followed Remus up the steps to the box where the teachers had gathered.</p><p>“I think she fancies you,” Remus whispered teasingly.</p><p>“Well, I <em>know</em> I fancy you,” Sirius said impishly, taking advantage of the general commotion and Remus’s long coat to slap him on the thigh, and Remus almost tripped over his own feet on his way up the final few steps.</p><p>“Really, Mr. Black,” Professor McGonagall tutted with wry amusement as the two of them reached the box. She was wearing a giant Gryffindor scarf tied loosely around her neck, and was leaning over to talk to Madam Pomfrey. “You might have thought to behave with a little more decorum. Though I cannot say that I don’t commend your House spirit, but…”</p><p>“<em>Professor</em>,” Sirius said delightedly, turning up the charm in his smile until it was almost painful to look at him, like staring straight into the sun. “Do I have the honor and privilege of getting to have you on my arm during this, the most auspicious occasion of the first Quidditch match of the season?”</p><p>Professor McGonagall narrowed her eyes over the top of her glasses. “I cannot say that you have that honor or privilege, Black, seeing as I have to chaperone Lee Jordan in the commentator’s box. We can no longer allow students up there unchaperoned.”</p><p>“I wonder why,” Sirius said dreamily. In his sixth year, he had somehow persuaded the commentator, a lovesick Hufflepuff named Amelia, to allow him to narrate the match, and had charmed the door shut behind him. After a profanity-laced occasion, during which James scored more than he ever had and Marlene had threatened to aim a Bludger at Sirius in the box if he didn’t stop pretending to flirt with her, Sirius had been sentenced to two full weeks of detention. A professor had always been assigned to the commentator’s box after that.</p><p>“Yes.” McGonagall frowned. “And yet here you are, hired as a professor. If it weren’t for the fact that I never publicly disagree with Dumbledore…” She trailed off, leaving Sirius with a large smile on his face as he plopped down on the long bench and began trying to bet on the game with Professor Sinistra, who kept proclaiming that a Ravenclaw victory was written in the stars. Sirius threatened to fetch Professor Trelawney to settle the discussion, which made Professor Sinistra groan loudly in protest.</p><p>“How are you doing, Remus, dear?” Madam Pomfrey asked with a smile, as Remus settled down on the seat in front of her. It was strange seeing her out of her spotless white uniform and in a comfortable-looking sweater and jacket. “<em>Oh</em>, I mean, Professor Lupin, dear.”</p><p>“It’s alright, Madam Pomfrey, there aren’t any students over here,” Remus said with a shy smile. “I’m looking forward to the match.”</p><p>“Yes, me too. Of course, hoping that no one falls or gets injured this time around. Mostly the Potter boy – he certainly has a talent for picking those up. You’re looking well, dear.” Madam Pomfrey said approvingly. “Clearly, the fall air agrees with you. Or something does, anyways.”</p><p>Remus whipped around with a quizzical look, but Madam Pomfrey was staring straight ahead innocently at the grounds and stands of cheering students. Within another moment, Lee Jordan had taken the microphone in the commentator’s box. An oversized Gryffindor hat sat atop his dreadlocks.</p><p>“<em>Welcome one, welcome all to the first match of the year – Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw!</em>”</p><p>The students broke out into outrageous, raucous cheers. The cacophony of colors in the student stands was striking. The Gryffindor crowd was a tidal wave of red and gold, and the Ravenclaws were decked out in dark blue, some adorned with silver and others in a bronze that clashed with the Gryffindor gold. The Slytherins and Hufflepuffs who had chosen to attend the match were wearing black, for the most part, though some Slytherins had inexplicably chosen to take the opportunity to wear their house colors.</p><p>“Look, I brought these.” Sirius handed Remus a set of expensive-looking gold binoculars with glee and immediately began looking through a pair of his own.</p><p>“Where did you have these?” Remus asked, startled. “<em>How</em> did you get these? How expensive were these?”</p><p>“Charmed them to fit in my pocket,” Sirius said, patting the front pockets of his muggle jeans absentmindedly. “I bought them at the Quidditch World Cup. Thought they’d be somewhat useful here even though the distance isn’t nearly as bad as when we watched Ireland and Bulgaria. Anyways, I dunno, a dozen galleons? More? Honestly, Moony, who can keep track of money these days? <em>Oh look</em>, here they come!”</p><p>A drumroll had started, and on cue, seven scarlet figures on broomsticks shot out of nowhere and zoomed around the pitch with purpose. The Weasley twins dove towards the stands halfway through, sending spectators reeling with loud shrieks. With Sirius’s expensive binoculars, Remus could pick out Harry at the end of the line, his face intense and longish hair flying wildly. Even though he couldn’t tell the difference between brooms, it was evident that Harry’s was the swiftest and the most glamorous of the group. The gleaming <em>Firebolt</em> logo at the end glinted in the sun. Sirius elbowed him.</p><p>“I bought him that broom when I was still a dog,” he said glowingly. “Cost twice as much as the Nimbus 2001!”</p><p>Remus laughed. “Excellent attempts at humility, Sirius.”</p><p>“Hey, I’ve got to have something going for me, Moony.”</p><p>Remus shook his head incredulously.</p><p>Lee Jordan called out to the crowd:</p><p>“<em>Here is your Gryffindor team – Johnson, Spinnet, Bell, Weasley, Weasley, oi, </em>another <em>Weasley, and your Seeker….Potter!”</em></p><p>Sirius whooped enthusiastically and smacked his hand against his thigh. His shouts were drowned out by the boisterous screams of the Gryffindors in the stands. Remus focused in on them and searched for a bit – there were Dean and Seamus, waving the banner with pride; Neville, who was wearing a pair of Gryffindor-themed earmuffs; and Hermione, who was jumping up and down excitedly. Then, he returned his eyes to the pitch.</p><p>With a sudden burst of a trumpet, the Ravenclaw team whooshed out. They looked efficient and elegant in their dark blue robes, and flew neatly in a tight pack of seven.</p><p>“<em>Your Ravenclaw house team – Davies, Burrow, Stretton, Samuels, Inglebee, Page, and your Seeker…Chang!</em>”</p><p>The game was a good one – even Remus could tell that from his somewhat limited Quidditch knowledge, though anyone who had shared a room with James Potter for seven years likely knew more than the average watcher. Remus spent half his time trying to keep up with Lee Jordan’s chaotic commentary and the other half focusing on Harry. Sirius had spent almost the entire time with his glasses fixed firmly on Harry, with nail-biting intensity. At one point, Harry had looked dangerously close to falling off his broomstick as he feinted and tricked the Ravenclaw Seeker, before giving her a shy, genuine smile that struck Remus as rather curious. Sirius had clutched Remus’s thigh with a sharp gasp before realizing that Harry had flown intentionally low to the ground and letting go of Remus’s leg with a shy smile of his own.</p><p>After that bit, Remus spent a good bit of time trying to study Sirius without being too obvious about it. Sirius seemed to enjoy the game more than any teacher in the box had, without a doubt. He joined in with the Gryffindors’ enthusiastic chants to bring the lion out, sang along with them as they praised Angelina, and then Alicia and Katie, for scoring multiple times, and stood up indignantly when the Ravenclaws fouled Harry while he had his back turned. While Madam Hooch had awarded the Gryffindors a well-deserved penalty, Sirius had clearly been on the verge of shouting some obscenity at a sixteen-year-old, when Remus pulled him down with ferocity.</p><p>“Are you mad?” He cried. “You’re a teacher!”</p><p>“Oh,” Sirius said, vaguely ruffled. “Right.”</p><p>Behind them, Remus thought he heard Madam Pomfrey laughing.</p><p>After a while, the Gryffindor force and energy began waning. Ron had either succumbed to nerves or failed to realize that the Ravenclaws were deadly efficient, as he let Ravenclaw tally up almost seventy points in a span of eight minutes despite the Weasley twins furiously aiming Bludgers in their direction. Remus could sense rather than see the anxiety on Harry’s face as he sped around the pitch, Cho Chang closely behind him. Just when the scoreline was getting far too close for comfort, Harry was able to catch the Snitch with a graceful, delicate movement, and suddenly the game was over. The Gryffindors streamed onto the pitch in a sea of crimson and gold. The Gryffindor team collapsed on each other.</p><p>“Did you see? Harry won! Brilliant,” Sirius crowed excitedly. “Can we go down?”</p><p>Remus agreed under the condition that Sirius would keep his puppylike excitement mostly under control, for the sake of his students. They bade farewell to the professors in the box and headed down towards the mass of students on the pitch. Professor McGonagall was among them, shaking Angelina’s hand with a rare smile on her face.</p><p>“A well-played match indeed, Ms. Johnson,” Professor McGonagall beamed.</p><p>“Excuse me, excuse me, oh hello professors,” Hermione said enthusiastically as she crossed paths with them, before launching herself in the direction of Harry and Ron. The wind was so strong that her hair, mostly stuffed underneath a red cap, looked as though it was trying to wrestle itself. “I’m trying to find Ron and Harry! <em>Oh</em> there they are!” Sirius and Remus followed at a short distance – Sirius was greeted by dozen students almost immediately.</p><p>Harry and Ron were in the middle of what looked like a serious conversation, but they pasted on smiles as Hermione approached them.</p><p>“Oh, Harry, you flew so well – that feint? Positively Krum-like,” Hermione gushed.</p><p>“Thanks, Hermione,” Harry said, looking chuffed.</p><p>“Ron, you played a good first game too,” Remus heard Hermione say in a quieter voice. Ron was still wearing his Keeper helmet, though he looked crestfallen.</p><p>“I wasn’t that good,” he said, looking up angrily at the hoops as though they had betrayed him.</p><p>“What’s the problem?” George Weasley said, knocking Ron about the head. “So you lost your head for a bit, we still won, right?”</p><p>“Mind you, if Oliver had still been here, he would’ve sacked you on the spot,” Fred said cheerfully, before heading off into the crowd.</p><p>“You did great!” Sirius praised Ron, knotting up his hair into a bun and allowing the binoculars to hang by their lanyard around his neck.</p><p>“Congratulations on your first game as Keeper, Ron,” Remus said kindly. “I think you flew very well given the poor wind conditions. Hopefully the weather will be a little better for the next match against Hufflepuff.”</p><p>“Thanks, Sirius, thanks Remus,” Ron said glumly, finally taking off his helmet and running his hands through his matted red hair. Ron looked so forlorn, Remus did not have the heart to ask Ron to please address them by their professorial names while they were at school. After a moment, Ron allowed himself to be pulled away by Dean and Seamus, who were talking a mile a minute at him. He wondered where Harry had disappeared during their short conversation, and then spotted him out of the corner of his eye talking to Cho Chang animatedly. His gestures seemed dramatic and out of character, and after a moment, Remus realized that he looked exactly like Sirius did when he was telling Remus a story.</p><p>“I think Harry fancies Ms. Chang,” Remus said mildly, nudging Sirius.</p><p>Sirius looked wicked. “Shall we interrupt them?”</p><p>“You absolute tosser, no,” Remus said with a snort, allowing the wind to propel him forward just an inch closer to Sirius. “Would <em>you</em> want to be interrupted?”</p><p>“Absolutely not,” Sirius said slyly. “Though these buggers interrupt us all the time. Maybe we should head to the top of the Astronomy Tower and have some time…uninterrupted. Just you, me, and the ghosts of the Astronomy Tower. What do you think?”</p><p>Remus flushed, suddenly feeling very hot indeed in his dark gray jacket and red scarf despite the wind howling around them. Just as Remus began seriously considering the benefits of Sirius’s proposition, he heard Harry’s voice behind them.</p><p>“Hello,” he said, and he looked exuberant as ever.</p><p>“Well done, Harry,” Remus said with a grin. He put a hand on his shoulder and patted it encouragingly. “You were excellent on the pitch – it’s clear that you practiced hard for this.”</p><p>Harry accepted the praise gratefully, smiling from ear to ear.</p><p>Sirius looked very much like he would have liked to hug Harry for dear life. Not many students knew that Harry was Sirius’s godson – Harry preferred to keep it that way, lest he be teased for nepotism and being a teacher’s pet – but Sirius clearly missed being able to openly hug his godson or talk to him as freely as he would have wished.</p><p>“You were the best on the pitch by a long shot,” Sirius declared grandly. “Watching you fly is like watching James on a broomstick, but even better.”</p><p>Harry glowed.</p><p>“Well, part of it is the Firebolt,” Harry said proudly, turning the varnished broomstick over in his hands so that all three of them could admire the gilt lettering on the wood. “It’s brilliant.”</p><p>Then, he looked vaguely uncomfortable. He motioned for Remus and Sirius to follow him into an even quieter part of the pitch.</p><p>“Er, Sirius,” Harry said seriously. “Do you think that I could borrow some Galleons?”</p><p>Sirius looked mildly perplexed. Remus was curious. Harry so rarely asked for anything, especially since he had been taught to be frugal and take up as little space as possible by his horrific muggle relatives.</p><p>“Of course,” Sirius said quickly. He tipped his sunglasses to the top of his head and studied Harry with dark eyes. “What do you need? How much do you need?”</p><p>“Well, it’s not for me, see.” Harry said quickly, scratching his head and raking his fingers through his messy, collar-length hair. “Ron didn’t play that well today, but honestly, it’s not his fault. Keepers need to move quickly. Ron’s got a rubbish broom, one of the oldest Comets, since he didn’t have much time to get a broom and couldn’t afford to get anything better. And see, he’d almost rather have a Cleansweep Five, which Fred and George have, but they don’t really distribute those anymore. And he could get a Cleansweep Eleven, but you have to send away for it and well, er, I was planning to lend him the money. But I wasn’t really expecting that, so I didn’t take that amount out of Gringotts in the summer. But I’ll pay you back, Sirius, promise.” Harry sounded earnest, and his bright green eyes fixed on his godfather hopefully.</p><p>Sirius looked back at Harry with deep affection. “I’ll hear nothing of the sort. You’ll take the money and order Ron a broom before the game with Hufflepuff in February, and I won’t accept any of it. Buy him a Nimbus, if you’d like. Stop by my office later, and I’ll give you however much you need.” </p><p>Harry shone with appreciation. He looked taller than he had just a moment ago. “Brilliant. Thanks Sirius, and er, thanks, Remus. I mean, Professor Black and Professor Lupin.”</p><p>Remus smiled at the awkward look on Harry’s face. “I’m just the poor relation here, Harry, no need to thank me for anything.”</p><p>Harry’s name was suddenly called out from a horde of Gryffindor students, and Harry perked up. “I’ll see you both later!” He waved goodbye and rushed off, holding his Firebolt aloft.</p><p>Sirius looked after him with pride in his eyes. “That’s James’s child,” he said boastfully.</p><p>Remus followed Harry with his eyes as he was greeted by a mass of cheering Gryffindors. “Nah. That’s Lily Evans’s son, right there.”</p><p>***</p><p>“Is that Malfoy’s paper? Can you fail him?”</p><p>Sirius loomed over Remus, throwing a small quaffle up and down into the air, and squinted down at the top essay on the stack. Remus looked up at him and rolled his eyes. He took a bite out of the bar of Honeyduke’s Finest that Sirius had bought him last week on one of their late-night trips to Hogsmeade.</p><p>“Can’t you tell? All of you have that same, annoying purebred cursive. And no, I’m not just going to fail him for the fun of it,” Remus said with a full mouth, tapping his quill on Draco’s tight script.</p><p>Sirius made a face. “I can’t believe that git is related to me.”</p><p>“I can,” Remus snorted, “I feel terrible for saying it, but have you seen how he preens at the Slytherin table? Looks just like you.”</p><p>Sirius made a big show of pretending to look hurt. “I look nothing like him and act nothing like him, either! He’s just like his horrible, slimy father.”</p><p>Remus remembered Lucius Malfoy from when they had been in school together. He had been several years older than the Marauders, a prefect by the time that they had arrived, and had been one of the Slytherins who spoke loudly and relentlessly about the shame that Sirius had brought on his family and on the entire Black family name. Narcissa had been upset with Sirius for almost spoiling her marriage prospects with Lucius – a wedding that ultimately took place and had produced the heir to the Malfoy line, Harry’s self-professed archnemesis and one of the objects of Sirius’s eternal annoyance.</p><p>“Honestly, Sirius, you’re deep into your thirties at this point,” Remus said, stretching his legs out on Sirius’s office desk, which was cluttered with gifts from admirers and ideas for how to prank the Weasley twins. Though he much preferred for them to work in his own office, Sirius had kept getting distracted by the various creatures Remus kept in his office for lessons, and so they had ended up migrating here. Honestly, Remus thought, they might end up having to work in the library at this rate and wreak havoc on Madam Pince’s domain. “You’d think he was Severus at age sixteen with the way you talk about him.”</p><p>Sirius scrunched up his aquiline nose. “Ugh, Snivellus.”</p><p>There was a knock at the door, a sharp rap, and Severus Snape stuck his long, dour face into Sirius’s office without waiting for an answer.</p><p>“Oh brilliant, we accidentally summoned a demon,” Sirius said with annoyance. “Now what’s the banishing charm for them?”</p><p>“Yes,” Snape said with a wicked, suppressed glee, “I would think that Professor Lupin knows all about how to handle Dark Creatures now, wouldn’t he?”</p><p>Sirius glared at Snape with bared teeth.</p><p>“Easy, Lupin,” Snape said with careful enunciation, “you might want to tell your guard dog to heel. We all know how they put down dogs who bite, and yours seems to have just barely avoided that fate once…”</p><p>“What brings you here, Severus?” Remus asked kindly, trying to quiet his racing heart.</p><p>Snape took Remus’s words as an invitation to swoop into Sirius’s office. He looked at the walls –covered with colorful non-moving muggle posters as though he were still a teenage boy – with contempt. “Trust me, I would not voluntarily stoop to the…filth of this office if I was not absolutely forced to do so.” He revealed the smoking potion that he held in his hands. “After consulting Dumbledore about your reaction last time, we both believe it wise if you were to begin taking the Wolfsbane Potion earlier than usual.”</p><p>Remus looked up at the ceiling, which Sirius had charmed to be a midnight blue that was littered with stars – and a moon, he now noticed – and then spoke. “But there are still almost two weeks left until the full moon,” he said, realizing that his voice sounded vaguely childish. He so greatly enjoyed the days when he did not have to think about the transformation, and here Severus planned to ruin a perfectly good one. Still, Remus reminded himself in an effort to be grateful, it was a miracle that he even had access to the Wolfsbane Potion. But still, he could not help but be upset that Snape had chosen to interrupt his Saturday.</p><p>“Correct. You’ll forgive me, Lupin, for not praising your basic arithmetic skills.” Snape looked bored as he placed the bottle with a loud thud on Sirius’s desk. “Trust me, I am no happier about this than you, as I now have to spend even more time on this.”</p><p>“Why wouldn’t Dumbledore tell Remus about the conversation you had?” Sirius asked suspiciously, staring down Snape with barely-concealed hatred.</p><p>Snape smiled easily. “Dumbledore does not think it necessary to explain himself to you two. Now, I must depart. Not all of us can afford to spend our days attending Quidditch games, and…” Here, his eyes glittered with malice. “…<em>cavorting</em> around with each other, can we?” With that, he whooshed out of the room and slammed the door.</p><p>“Fucking Dumbledore,” Sirius said, with a strange wealth of bitterness in his tone. “Never tells anyone anything. Just makes other people do it. And of course, Snivellus is the worst so he’ll do anything.”</p><p>He glanced over at Remus, who was fuming.</p><p>“Moony?” He asked anxiously.</p><p>“<em>Cavorting</em>!” Remus shouted heatedly. “I’ll show <em>him</em> cavorting.”</p><p>He leapt up and pulled Sirius in for a snog that was so long and so deep that the entire office seemed to melt away around them. He pressed Sirius up against his desk until Sirius was knocked down, and then in a flash, they were both on the desk, legs tangled up together and kicking the papers and knickknacks to the floor. Remus buried his face in Sirius’s neck, kissing him until he knew he had left a bruise, and then back up to his heart-shaped mouth. Sirius had his eyes closed in ecstasy until the moment when he opened them back up lazily and stared at Remus with his grey eyes in a way that was, if anyone were to ask Remus, truly dangerous.</p><p>Suddenly, they heard a knock at the door. <em>Shit</em>, Remus thought, and hoped against hope that it would not be Snape once more. They scrambled off the desk, and Remus looked at Sirius with panic. His lips were swollen, his hair was a mess, and his shirt was half-off. By the look on Sirius’s face, Remus doubted that he looked any better.</p><p>The brass doorknob turned without warning, and Harry stepped into the office with a delighted face that quickly turned dark as he realized what he had walked into. He looked at them both in horror and leaned against the closed door.</p><p>“Bloody hell!” Harry shouted, removing his glasses from his face and covering his eyes with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.</p><p>After a moment, he lifted his head up. With wide green eyes, Harry looked to Remus, and then to Sirius, back at the concrete floor, and up at Sirius’s bewitched ceiling. He looked as though he could have apparated out of sheer willpower.</p><p>“Hermione guessed it,” Harry said flatly, still not looking at them but putting his glasses back on in stony silence. “She didn’t want to make assumptions, er, or anything, but she asked me, and then I sort of started thinking about it. And then, there's the whole Patronus thing,” he said miserably.</p><p>Remus forced a laugh. “There she goes, picking up two of my secrets with alarming speed. Hermione is truly the cleverest witch of her age.”</p><p>“Are you upset, Harry?” Sirius asked tentatively.</p><p>Harry sighed. “No. Er. Yes? Er. I don’t know. Why didn’t anyone tell me?”</p><p>Sirius and Remus glanced at each other, silently waging a battle over who would say the first few words. Remus lost, and opened his mouth.</p><p>“This is…well…fairly new for us too. Well, not exactly fairly new, but er, new this time around.”</p><p>Harry picked up on the gaps almost immediately.</p><p>“So you were…together. Before everything?”</p><p>“Yes. We were, um, when we were at school.”</p><p>“Did my mum and dad know?” Harry demanded.</p><p>“Yes.” Remus replied mildly.</p><p>Harry looked thoughtful, as he often did when Lily and James came up in conversation. There were a few ticking seconds of pure silence.</p><p>“Right,” Harry said finally, sinking into a hard-backed chair. “I’ll need at least two butterbeers to forget that ever happened. So who's telling me the story? Er,” he said, looking at them with sudden alarm, “you can avoid all the…details that are unnecessary.”</p><p>Sirius looked at Remus with flickering, amused eyes and then turned back to his godson, who grimaced with genuine pain. “I’m sorry to tell you this, but I think you’ve seen all the unnecessary details, Harry.”</p><p>Harry groaned.</p><p>"I'll tell it," Remus said quickly, giving Sirius a warning glance. Sirius sat back in his chair, looking satisfied. And Remus, though he was not a storyteller by trade or talent, launched into his favorite tale from among the hundreds and thousands of books and stories he had read and had read to him throughout his life. He began to tell Harry the ballad of the moon and the brightest star in the sky.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you, as always, for the comments and the kudos!! Sending all my love to everyone :)</p><p>Also, the little scene with Sirius trying to get Remus to fail Draco was inspired by an adorable piece of fanart that I saw like a year ago and can't find now - if anyone knows the artist, let me know!</p><p>A/N Update: The fanart is this: https://wingedcorgi.tumblr.com/post/169236609291/bothering-remus-at-work-a-birth-gift-for. Really lovely work!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus’s halcyon days of early October, when even the perfectly ordinary pumpkin juice in the Great Hall tasted like ambrosia, came to a swift end with the full moon’s impending arrival. While taking the Wolfsbane Potion for several days longer than usual seemed to have mitigated some of the exhaustion he usually felt the week before the moon, his magic felt more unpredictable. An attempt to demonstrate a simple Disarming Jinx to the second year Hufflepuffs on the Friday afternoon before the full had misfired, and Remus had almost blasted the volunteer’s wand to the ceiling.</p><p>On the Sunday before the full, as Remus began to plan out his lessons for the week and ignored Sirius’s constant suggestions to go and lie down instead of doing work, Remus looked down at his organizer and groaned.</p><p>“I’m a bloody idiot.”</p><p>“Doubt it,” said Sirius, frowning as he marked off a paper with some vehemence. They were in Remus’s living quarters this time. He had transfigured Remus’s rather adequate sofa into a comfortable reclining chaise. Sirius had transfigured himself a squashy armchair that looked remarkably like his favorite one at Grimmauld Place. “But just in case you are actually an idiot – why? And can you give me the details, so I can hold this over your head?”</p><p>“I’m supposed to give a practicum on dueling to my sixth year students tomorrow,” Remus said, irritated at his own poor planning. He normally would have been quite on top of everything, as he had been last year, but the last few months with Sirius had made him a little less methodical and somewhat more complacent with coasting by. Of course, Remus’s definition of coasting was more like Sirius’s idea of persnickety, meticulous planning, but the point still stood.</p><p>“Well, what’s the problem?” Sirius asked, putting the papers on top of Remus’s small coffee table and draping his legs over the sides of the armchair.</p><p>“Normally, I try to make sure that the week of the moon, I only ever teach theory,” Remus explained. “Teaching a dueling practicum requires live demonstration, and the Ministry guidance states that I should ask for volunteers. But, my magic does funny things right before the moon, you know that.”</p><p>Sirius snickered. “Yeah, I do know that. I seem to remember you turning James’s hair into green beans during third year.”</p><p>“That was on accident!” Remus objected. “I didn’t mean to do it.”</p><p>“Brilliant, that was,” Sirius said dreamily. “Prongs couldn’t eat beans for the rest of the year.”</p><p>“Anyways,” Remus said, crumpling up a piece of paper and aiming it at Sirius’s head. His aim was so poor, the paper flew about two feet left of him. Sirius smirked at him maddeningly. “Taking the Wolfsbane Potion for so long seems to have made that worse, even while it’s made other things better.”</p><p>“Really?” Sirius frowned.</p><p>“I think. I don’t know, actually, maybe not. I don’t know what to do. Wish Snape could tolerate me long enough to have told me what to expect, taking it this long, or I wish someone could have told me what the side effects would be.”</p><p>"You'd think Dumbledore would call you in or something to talk about it instead of just dumping this on you," Sirius said angrily.</p><p>"Dumbledore has done enough for me."</p><p>"He hasn't done shit." Sirius's voice curdled.</p><p>"Talking about the man won't change anything. And it certainly won't fix what I'm supposed to teach my students," Remus said mildly.</p><p>A flash of distant anger broke out on Sirius's face for a moment, and then he swiped the expression off his face.</p><p>“Reschedule the class, and teach them something else this week,” Sirius said easily.</p><p>“No, I can’t do that, they already did the readings,” Remus groaned.</p><p>“You’re assuming they’re all swots like you who read,” Sirius said, his mood of a minute ago shifting into his customary playfulness.</p><p>Remus ignored him. “I suppose I can ask the students to demonstrate for each other, but I’d really rather show them myself before letting them loose. Otherwise, I run the risk of them doing something even worse, and my magic failing me when I would need to fix it. Almost sent a Hufflepuff to the hospital wing on Friday, on accident, mind you. The risks of that are high too though, seeing as I don’t really know how fickle the Wolfsbane Potion makes my magic.”</p><p>“You could really just cancel the class. Or teach them something else.”</p><p>Remus got annoyed. “Sirius, I can’t just go changing the lesson plans every twenty minutes because I’m a werewolf and my magic’s a little wobbly.”</p><p>“Can’t you go easy on yourself for once, Moony?” Sirius pleaded.</p><p>“No,” Remus said stubbornly.</p><p>“Fine, you arse. When do you teach the sixth years?”</p><p>“Four o’clock.”</p><p>Sirius scrunched his eyes shut and thought. “I’m free then.”</p><p>Remus looked at him quizzically. “Good for you?”</p><p>“No, I mean, I’ll sit in class with you to see if anything happens,” Sirius offered, eyes bright with mischief. “It’ll be fun for me, seeing the talented, bookish, and incredibly sexy <em>Professor Lupin</em> in action. Actually, here’s a better idea: if it makes you feel any better, you can duel with me. I can be your live, in-person volunteer.”</p><p>“<em>Absolutely not</em>,” Remus scoffed. “First of all, don’t you think that my students would have questions as to why their dreamy Charms professor is in the classroom?”</p><p>“Oh, so you think I’m dreamy?” Sirius asked with a roguish wink.</p><p>“And also, say I do let you come to class and duel with me. What if I set <em>you</em> on fire or something?”</p><p>“You’re assuming that I’m such a bad dueler that I’d just let you hit me,” Sirius complained. “You know that I’m not a terrible dueler at all.”</p><p>Remus looked thoughtful. It was true – of the four of them, James had been the worst dueler, reluctant to harm an opponent and just a smidge too slow on the reflexes. Remus had been the best dueler, but Sirius was not far behind. Part of that talent was due to the unfortunate circumstances of his childhood, as his parents (and the entire Black family) had taught their children all sorts of dark, nonverbal magic and strange curses. Sirius had gotten good at dodging the curses that his parents had slung at him during his school days. Plus, he had inherited some of his Great-Uncle Alphard’s knowledge. Alphard had been a famous scholar of curses and hexes. In fact, Remus had read several of his studies just last year, and had assigned his work to his N.E.W.T. students.</p><p>“So is that a yes?” Sirius pressed. Remus frowned at him.</p><p>“What if you’re too good of a dueler for me?” Remus asked grumpily.</p><p>Sirius barked with laughter. “I doubt that, Moony. I’ve seen you in action before. Plus, I’ve gotten soft, after so many years in prison. No way I could’ve hit a Dementor with a Bat-Bogey Hex, I would’ve…um…you know…”</p><p>There was a moment of awkward silence, and then Sirius continued jauntily.</p><p>“Oh please, Moony? I’ve been dying to see you in action, anyways. I was about to ask Harry if I could borrow the Invisibility Cloak just so I could sit in the back of a classroom and watch all your little fans ask you about Riddikulus or something. That, or take Polyjuice Potion and pretend to be one of your students for a day.”</p><p>“You have a strange, strange mind Sirius,” Remus said, shaking his head with a laugh. “What makes you think that Harry would even let you borrow that cloak in the first instance?”</p><p>Sirius looked rather wicked. “If he refused, I’d just tell him about that excellent snogging session you and I had behind the Greenhouse last week.”</p><p>“Oi,” Remus flushed. “I thought a gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell, you tosser.”</p><p>Sirius waggled his tongue provocatively. “No one ever said I was a gentleman. That’s my unfortunate birthright, but not the path I’ve chosen in life.”</p><p>“Why do I even put up with you?” Remus asked wryly, sketching out the rest of his schedule for the week with a quill.</p><p>“Because you love me. And because I’m the hottest professor here, though McGonagall does look quite tasty for a woman of her age.”</p><p>“<em>Sirius</em>!” Remus shouted amidst a gulp of laughter. “Please stop, I’m trying to concentrate.”</p><p>Sirius huffed. “So are you going to let me be your dueling partner, or what?”</p><p>“Oh fine,” Remus said crossly. “Tomorrow at four. Don’t do anything embarrassing. And if anyone asks, you’re interested in teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts somewhere else next year and want to shadow me for a class, and out of the kindness of my heart, I’m letting you do so.”</p><p>“Oh, this is going to be brilliant. Can’t wait to talk to the sixth years about how their professor is a total babe.”</p><p>Remus looked embarrassed. “Well now you’re just being ridiculous. I am certainly not a…total babe.”</p><p>Sirius sniffed. “I was talking about myself, you narcissist. Gosh, Moony, it’s not all about you. Though I guess you’re awfully pretty, too, come to think of it.”</p><p>Before Remus could say anything in protest, Sirius transformed into Padfoot and jumped into Remus’s lap with a content bark. Remus sighed deeply, scratched the furry, blissful-looking dog behind the ears, and continued lesson-planning for the rest of the evening.</p><p>***</p><p>Remus thought that Sirius would forget his commitment to join Remus for class. Sirius had had a mysterious meeting with Dumbledore that afternoon and had missed lunchtime, so Remus had spent his lunch period talking to Hagrid about the impending preparations for the Halloween Feast and scarfing down triple portions of everything (the moon made him outrageously hungry, a little side effect that Remus almost always forgot until he sat in the Great Hall and felt as though he could swallow the whole dining room). At ten to four, his sixth-year students started filtering into the room. Because these were students who had achieved Outstanding on their O.W.L.s at the end of their fifth year, the small class was comprised of a mix of several houses, including Angelina Johnson and Alicia Spinnet from Gryffindor, Cedric Diggory from Hufflepuff, Miles Bletchley from Slytherin, and Roger Davies from Ravenclaw, all of whom played for their respective house teams and who constantly bickered and bantered about Quidditch standings. Remus sometimes joined them in their pleasant small talk, but today was too distracted about the dangers of Sirius joining him versus the risks of him not coming. He eyed his wristwatch nervously.</p><p>Exactly one minute before class started, Sirius dashed into the room. Remus was about to tell him off, but was stopped short by Sirius’s tight muggle tee-shirt, black with the cover of <em>The Dark Side of the Moon</em> emblazoned on it, and scandalously snug pants. He stuck his wand precariously through a lopsided bun of dark hair at the crown of his head as he rushed into the classroom. Alicia and Patricia Stimpson, a Hufflepuff, eyed him admiringly.</p><p>“Hiya, Remus. Oh, I mean, <em>Professor </em>Lupin,” Sirius said. He smiled as though he had been hit with a Cheering Charm.</p><p>“What are you <em>wearing</em>?” Remus hissed through his teeth, all too aware of his students watching the two of them keenly.</p><p>“Dueling clothes,” Sirius said, blinking at him with a look of pure virtue. “Can’t wear robes to duel, can I? I’d trip all over myself. I dressed for comfort.”</p><p>Remus ran his hand over his face. “Comfort? Those pants look like they’re cutting off your circulation. Merlin, I didn’t think…Alright, try not to draw too much attention to yourself.” But even as he said it, he knew that the greatest struggle would be keeping his own eyes off Sirius. At least this wasn’t a double class, he thought miserably.</p><p>Sirius gave him a mock salute and sank into a chair next to the teacher’s desk. Remus tried to ignore the sensation of Sirius’s eyes watching his backside appreciatively.</p><p>“Good afternoon, class,” Remus said, turning to his students. “As the syllabus notes, today’s lesson will be a practical one, meant to put into practice some of the defenses against curses and jinxes that we’ve reviewed over the last few weeks, and which you reviewed for the day’s readings. Now, dueling is very different from learning all of these in isolation. There’s a reason why you learn all these spells throughout the first few years of your Hogwarts career, but don’t learn how to put many of them into practice until later. It involves a certain amount of instinct, and – even though some duelers would be loath to mention it – luck. Can anyone start me off with some of the defensive mechanisms we’ve learned before?”</p><p>He began to write some of the defenses out on the board as his students called out the names of defensive spells. Remus felt oddly self-conscious about his spelling underneath Sirius’s gaze. After he felt as though they had satisfactorily run through the gamut of spells and their purposes and history, he turned back to them and leaned against his desk.</p><p>“Now, any questions before the dueling demonstration?”</p><p>Angelina raised her hand. “Professor Lupin?”</p><p>“Yes, Ms. Johnson.”</p><p>“Why is Professor Black here?”</p><p>There was a sudden slew of giggles as Remus turned his head to the right, glancing down at Sirius. Sirius grinned gamely at him.</p><p>“I was getting to that, Ms. Johnson, but thank you for mentioning it,” Remus said mildly. “You see, as I plan to demonstrate certain defensive spells before you try them on each other, I thought it would be helpful to have a volunteer who is similarly matched in dueling abilities here with me, instead of asking for volunteers from your group. Seeing as, um, Professor Black may be interested in teaching this subject material elsewhere next year, he asked to join me as a dueling partner.”</p><p>Angelina and Alicia exchanged a curious look.</p><p>“Now,” Remus said, clapping his hands. “Let’s reshuffle the classroom now, shall we?”</p><p>Sirius began waving his wand around as the students got up, piling all of the desks and chairs in one corner of the room and leaving a bare, open space around the middle. Remus was privately grateful that Sirius had thought to do it, as he thought that the least amount of time he spent engaging with magic right now, the better. He was already beginning to feel quite foolish about pushing through with practical lessons despite his waning energy and curiously strong magic.</p><p>“Partner up, please,” Remus called out, taking off his robe and rolling up his sleeves, just a bit, careful to avoid exposing too much of the scars criss-crossing his forearm. Luckily, his class was even-numbered, so everyone had a partner. Remus faced Sirius, who still looked wildly energetic.</p><p>“Now, in formal, old-school duels, opponents bow towards each other. In real life, should you ever come across a situation that requires dueling, it’s unlikely you’ll have the time or the reason to do so. Nevertheless, seeing as Professor Black and I are colleagues –”</p><p>“–and old friends–” Sirius grinned.</p><p>“Yes, and old friends,” Remus said, giving him a warning glance, “we’ll bow to one another.”</p><p>Sirius pulled his wand out of his bun, and his dark hair cascaded down to his shoulders elegantly. He held it at his chest and bowed cordially, as though he were inviting Remus for a waltz. Remus bowed awkwardly, holding his wand at his chest.</p><p>“Since Professor Black and I aren’t actually trying to injure each other, we’ll not be using some of the more serious attacking spells that we read about last week. But other than that,” Remus said, with a small smile, “fair is fair.”</p><p>Sirius’s face fell. “But I don’t want to hurt you, especially <em>now</em>,” he whispered furiously.</p><p>“This is sort of the point of dueling, though,” Remus said quietly, aware of his students’ keen interest. “This is what you signed up for.”</p><p>"But I didn't want to do it like <em>this</em>," Sirius hissed.</p><p>"So bow out and sit down, then," Remus said impatiently.</p><p>Sirius frowned. “Fine. But I don’t like it.”</p><p>They bowed once more, Remus beginning to feel an aching pain in his low back, and then Remus aimed a basic Disarming Spell at Sirius. Sirius returned in kind with a Tickling Spell. And so on they went, Remus attempting to narrate their choices as they went. Remus deliberately stuck to demonstrating defensive spells only, afraid of what a simple jinx might produce if he aimed it at Sirius. He knew from Sirius’s leisurely body language that he was trying to go easy on him, and for some reason, that annoyed Remus despite the fact that he certainly would have ended up in the Hospital Wing if Sirius had tried to actually duel him. Remus threw up a Protego Charm that zapped more strength than usual out of him, and was so powerful, he staggered back against the wall of the classroom and slid down to the floor. Sirius rushed over to him, dropping his wand to the floor with a clatter.</p><p>“Are you alright?” Sirius asked, eyes wild. He gently lifted Remus’s chin up with the tips of his fingers and searched Remus’s eyes, his own darting back and forth. “Should I get Madam Pomfrey?”</p><p>Remus was fine, though slightly rattled from the strength of his protective charm, and more than anything, was mortified at the way Sirius was fawning over him in front of his students.</p><p>“Yes, I’m good, everything is great.” He refused to allow Sirius to help him back into a standing position, and clapped in what he hoped looked like a jovial way.</p><p>“As you can see, class, even the best duelers have their off days. You must remember to control the force and strength behind your protective charms, as they can and will ricochet if you apply too much force.”</p><p>Roger Davies made a note of this on his parchment paper.</p><p>“With that, please begin,” Remus said, and from his perch at the front of the classroom, watched as his students bowed at each other, tentatively aimed mild jinxes, and attempted to protect themselves in turn. It surprised Remus how little dueling experience they had had. It had only been with Remus’s arrival at Hogwarts that the students had begun focusing on practical work in earnest – their last few teachers had almost exclusively taught them theory out of books, meaning that they were far less skilled in dueling than the Marauders had been during their own Hogwarts days.</p><p>“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Sirius asked quietly, joining Remus with wide, worried eyes. “I was trying to keep everything under control. This was stupid. I never should have agreed to duel you two days before…well.”</p><p>“No, you did great,” Remus said shortly. “And I’m fine.” The bruise on his back would say otherwise, but there was no reason for Sirius to know that. He called out to his students. “Mr. Pucey, less power on that Impedimenta, please. Mr. Diggory, I understand you’re trying to be polite to Ms. Spinnet, but the International Rules of Dueling state that no more than two minutes can be spent between each spell.”</p><p>The class went by quickly, with Remus walking around occasionally to correct postures or pronunciations. Sirius remained in the classroom with him until the bell rang, signaling the end of the school day and the beginning of the dinner period. His students left, chattering among themselves.</p><p>Sirius looked sour as Remus limped over to his desk, finally able to walk as heavily as he wanted without having to conceal his pain from his students. Almost exactly forty-eight hours before the moon, and he was beginning to feel the effects in earnest. His bones were beginning to creak and ache all over.</p><p>Sirius sighed. “I should’ve just tried to convince you to cut it out and just teach the bloody students some theory. They wouldn’t have minded one bit, I’m sure. Now you’re hurt, and it’s all my fault because I’m a wanker and couldn’t keep you from being a masochist. I hate watching you suffer, and here you are, getting off on it.”</p><p>“Oh Sirius, would you quit it?” Remus snapped. “I’m not a porcelain doll. It’s going to be okay without you trying to mother me before the moon. What did you think I did without you all those years?”</p><p>Sirius looked hurt. “I <em>know</em> you lived without me, but I’m trying to protect you.”</p><p>“I don’t need protection,” Remus said hotly. “And I don’t need your pity.”</p><p>“For the love of Merlin, get this chip off your shoulder, Remus, I thought we went over this back in ’76.”</p><p>“I saw the way you looked at me when I was on the floor, like I was…incapable of dueling, or teaching, or anything,” Remus burst out tempestuously. “Just because I’m a bloody werewolf who can’t do anything right before the moon doesn’t mean I’m not good at my job.”</p><p>“You’re acting ridiculous.” Sirius said darkly. “This is stupid.”</p><p>A small part of Remus’s mind recognized that he had no real reason to lash out at Sirius about this, and he could just let it all drop and apologize for his mercurial mood. But another part of his brain felt an uncontrollable frustration at his own predicament, at the moon that reigned over every part of his past and present, and the minor and major difficulties that he had been forced to reckon with for the last thirty years of his life.</p><p>“You wouldn’t understand,” Remus said moodily, turning back to his desk and propping himself up against it.</p><p>“Yeah? Well, you wouldn’t understand what it’s like spending twelve years falsely incarcerated for the deaths of your best friends, but you don’t see <em>me</em> acting like a right foul git about it all the time,” Sirius said bitterly.</p><p>Sometimes, Remus was startled by how quickly Sirius’s fuse blew out, and how the memory of Azkaban was right below the surface, like a volcano threatening to overflow.</p><p>“I mean, you’d be entitled to, you know,” Remus said awkwardly.</p><p>“No one would like me if I did,” Sirius said irritably.</p><p>Remus decided for the sake of his relationship with Sirius, to put his own ego to the side and swallow the bile that had gathered in his throat.</p><p>“You’re right. This is a stupid fight. I’m sorry. I know you meant the best, and you were just worried. I’m just annoyed – I already don’t have much control over my magic right before the moon, and this potion just makes it worse, somehow. But you know, Sirius, you <em>are</em> allowed to talk about it all,” Remus said, staring at the ceiling. “I’ll still like you if you talk about it. Hell, I’ll still love you. Because you’ve always been a right git, so that doesn’t make much of a difference. And you need to talk about these sorts of things eventually.” He nudged Sirius gently with his elbow.</p><p>Sirius looked relieved. “Sure. Eventually. But maybe not today. So you’re not mad at me?”</p><p>“No,” Remus admitted. “I’m angry at myself. And at the moon. And the stupid potion, somehow. Are you mad? Do you want to talk about…”</p><p>“No. I’m not mad.” Sirius said quickly. But then, he turned pensive. “Actually, I am angry. But not at you. I had a meeting with Dumbledore today.”</p><p>“Right, you told me that at breakfast. So why’d he call you in, are you getting fired?” Remus asked, half-jokingly. He dimmed the lights in the classroom until they looked like faint, twinkling stars.</p><p>“No, I’m not. I actually asked him for the meeting,” Sirius said. “I needed to talk to him about…well, loads of things.”</p><p>Remus was surprised. “Oh yeah? Like what?” With a bit of effort, he pulled himself up and sat on his desk.</p><p>“The fact that he just told Snape to give you the Wolfsbane Potion two weeks in advance? Without even consulting you about what you wanted? Or telling you what you’d feel? Your magic could’ve been really bad today, Moony. It could’ve been dangerous for you.”</p><p>“So you threw yourself into the middle of it by agreeing to duel me?”</p><p>Sirius was adamant. “I’d rather I get hurt than you get hurt or any of our students get hurt, if you were going to be stupid enough to try to teach a lesson on dueling two days before the moon.”</p><p>Remus was dismissive. “It wasn’t my finest moment. But anyways, it doesn’t matter, it’s fine. Dumbledore probably knows best. I can go back to my regularly-scheduled classes tomorrow.”</p><p>“No, no, it’s not, though,” Sirius said, and his voice was heated. He pulled his hair back up. “And he doesn’t. I’ve been meaning to ask him since the day I got here, and now I finally have time to breathe, so I asked him about everything. Your potion sort of gave me a good excuse.”</p><p>“What’s everything?” Remus asked, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>Sirius exploded, and began ticking things off on his fingers. “Why didn’t he give Harry to you, after James and Lily died, instead of making him live with those horrific, abusive muggles? You know what Harry let slip the other day when I took him out to Honeydukes?” Sirius said, raising his voice. “Those assholes made him live in a fucking cupboard.”</p><p>“Dumbledore didn’t let me take care of Harry because I’m a werewolf. And also poor,” Remus added. He ran his hands through his hair, streaked with grey. “It’s horrific that Harry had to go through that, and I am furious every day that Lily and James’s son had to live like that for so long, but I wasn’t a real candidate to take care of him thirteen years ago, Sirius.”</p><p>Sirius shook his head furiously, and Remus could almost feel the temperature in the room rising steeply as Sirius’s temper boiled over. “Couldn’t Dumbledore have granted you access to their Gringotts accounts until Harry was of age? And couldn’t he have fought on the Wizengamot or with the Ministry of Magic until there were better werewolf laws?”</p><p>Remus had often thought the same. Sometimes, he remembered when Dumbledore had first appeared at his door when he was a small child, promising him that he would be safe and happy at Hogwarts. Dumbledore hadn’t been wrong, and in fact had given Remus a chance when many Headmasters would have simply refused to let a werewolf join a class of magical students. Remus had felt for years that he had owed Dumbledore – it was one of the reasons that he had joined the Order of the Phoenix the first time around. After James and Lily had died and Remus had wandered around both the wizarding and the muggle worlds looking for purpose, Dumbledore had never reached out, yet Remus sometimes dreamed of Dumbledore appearing at his various apartments and hovels over the years to promise him a way out. He had done nothing of the sort. Remus trusted that Dumbledore had had his reasons, but had never been confident enough to ask exactly what those reasons were.</p><p>“Maybe,” Remus said uneasily. “But he probably has…”</p><p>“Don’t you dare say that he had a reason,” Sirius said warningly. “What’s his rationale behind keeping me in prison for so many years when he could have asked for a trial? A drop of Veritaserum would have made everything clear. And instead, I got to enjoy the company of the Dementors for twelve years, while you were miserable and Dumbledore had his lovely little job here at Hogwarts and was able to defend fucking Snivellus? Why wasn’t he able to protect Harry enough to keep him from meeting Voldemort twice over before he was even fucking thirteen?”</p><p>Remus was stunned. His own anger had faded into the background, allowing Sirius’s fury to take up the entire room around them.</p><p>“I told that old man that I didn’t care if he fired me on the spot. I needed answers.”</p><p>“And…and what did he say?” Remus asked.</p><p>“He told me that there are some things that I can never truly comprehend, and that hindsight is an incredible corrective lens, and that all of this contributed to Voldemort being able to stay out of power, which is what Lily and James died for in the first place.”</p><p>Remus personally thought it was a low blow on Dumbledore’s part to bring up the Potters’ deaths to Sirius. Clearly, Sirius did as well.</p><p>“So what did you do?” Remus asked, genuinely curious.</p><p>“Cursed him out,” Sirius said, with a quiet, seething rage. “Threatened to expose him as the manipulative old codger he’s always been.”</p><p>“I’m glad you did,” Remus said honestly.</p><p>“And I told him that if he interferes with Harry’s life, or mine, or yours ever again, I’ll personally use every Knut in the Black family fortune to depose him from his positions of power, my own reputation be damned. And that if he takes this out on you or me, I’m paying off Rita Skeeter to dig into his fucked up past. You’re not taking that potion for longer than you need to, next time, unless you want to.”</p><p>“You didn’t have to,” Remus said softly.</p><p>“Well, I wanted to.”</p><p>Cold fury touched every angle and crease on Sirius’s face, making him look haughty and just a little bit dangerous.</p><p>Remus touched Sirius’s arm gently, then leaned down to put his head on his shoulder for a few minutes, until he sensed Sirius’s anger beginning to ebb away. Remus could never quite figure out whether it was the fact that they were both part canine, or just his extensive knowledge of how Sirius operated, that allowed him to discern so many of his moods. “You’re kind of hot when you’re angry,” he said lightly, rubbing at the ache in his lower back surreptitiously before he felt Sirius’s hand skate over his own, gently stroking at his back.</p><p>One part of Sirius’s mouth twitched upwards, the last of his anger fading. “Am I?”</p><p>The exhaustion and sudden whiplash of emotions over the last two hours had tuckered Remus out. He yawned against Sirius’s shoulder. “Most definitely. Especially in those pants. They’re shameless.”</p><p>“Bought them just for you, baby.”</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes.</p><p>“Sorry I lost my temper,” Sirius said sheepishly. “It happens sometimes. A lot of times, actually. But I try really hard not to let it happen with you, or with Harry, or with my students.”</p><p>“That’s okay,” Remus said mildly. “We’ll just blame it on the moon. Which reminds me, er, Sirius. You don’t have to join me this time. I can’t really do anything because of what happened last time, so I’m just going to sleep in my office and lock the door, like I did last year.” His voice turned apologetic.</p><p>Sirius frowned, and Remus prepared an onslaught of apologies about how much he wished that he and Padfoot could run off into the forest together.</p><p>“Okay, that sounds good,” Sirius said gently.</p><p>“Great. So I’ll just see you on Thursday morning after it’s all –”</p><p>“Hold on,” Sirius said. “I didn’t say I was going to let you go through this by yourself, did I?”</p><p>“Well, it’s going to be rather boring, seeing as I’ll be asleep the whole time.” Remus said nervously.</p><p>Sirius smiled at him in a way that was truly magnificent, his teeth glinting in the low light. “I don’t mind. I think I like boring, as long as it’s with you.”</p><p>***</p><p>After the moon had passed without incident – Padfoot and the wolf curled up around each other underneath Remus’s desk, snuffling heavily and sleeping off the full moon – Sirius turned his attentions to the month ahead, his birthday month.</p><p>Sirius had always loved big birthday parties when they were at Hogwarts as students, claiming that he had been making up for lost, loveless times in his childhood. Now, Remus had the sneaking suspicion that he wanted to make up for lost time after twelve long years of having precious little to celebrate. Not to mention, focusing on November third meant that he could skip right past Halloween, which Remus insisted they needed to memorialize with Harry, and Sirius refused to acknowledge.</p><p>Remus had to talk Sirius down from a number of convoluted ideas that he had about what to do for his birthday. He could not, for example, set off fireworks from the Astronomy Tower in memory of his eighteenth birthday. He also could not decide to spend the whole day as Padfoot and try to see if any of his students could understand their professor. After endless negotiating about what was appropriate, Sirius agreed to rent out the Three Broomsticks for the Thursday night of his thirty-fifth birthday and invite the Hogwarts faculty (with a cold invitation extended towards Dumbledore, with whom he had still been angry since their discussion); his favorite cousin Andromeda, her husband, Ted, and their daughter Nymphadora, who went by Tonks; Harry, Ron, and Hermione (who, Professor McGonagall reluctantly agreed after a polite but insistent conversation with Remus, could join the festivities as long as they were accompanied by a teacher back to the school before curfew); the Weasleys, who would Floo in from the Burrow; and Kingsley Shacklebolt, Hestia Jones, and the remaining members of the original Order of the Phoenix. Remus still felt as though the birthday would be too extravagant for his liking, but he reasoned that this was Sirius’s occasion and not his own. Though he was not one for parties, for Sirius, he would. In a strange way, what Remus had enjoyed most about Sirius’s birthdays at Hogwarts had not been the loud music or the flowing drinks. Rather, Remus had preferred the aftermath, cleaning up bottles and debris and glitter on the floor with Sirius and the Marauders long after everyone had gone to bed. </p><p>Remus did, however, have a conundrum: Remus had no idea what to get Sirius for his birthday.</p><p>In the early days of their friendship, Remus had not been the best gift-giver of their group, mostly because he could never match the disposable income that James and Sirius had at their fingertips. In their last three years of school and after graduation, after Remus had managed to pick up some odd jobs, he had been able to buy them each small but meaningful gifts. It had become a thing of pride to give his friends something good for their birthdays. He had usually bought Sirius records. He could always go back to that, he supposed, seeing as Sirius had bought himself a new record player despite Remus’s lukewarm proposals to return Sirius’s original record player to him. But somehow, that didn’t feel quite right either. Stumped, Remus had even asked Harry during one of their scheduled cream teas what he had planned to get Sirius, but Harry was oddly secretive about his plans. So Remus was back at square one.</p><p>A few days before Sirius’s birthday, as Remus and Sirius sat in Sirius’s living quarters listening to <em>Let’s Dance</em>, one of the many David Bowie records Sirius had missed out on while he was in Azkaban, Remus finally broke and asked Sirius what he wanted for his thirty-fifth.</p><p>“Oh, Moony, you know I don’t need anything,” Sirius said easily. He was writing out the guest list for the tenth time with a colorful quill.</p><p>“Don’t play this game. I want to give you something,” Remus said. “What do you want?”</p><p>“Get me something from Zonko’s and call it a day.”</p><p>“First of all, need I remind you that you’re a professor? Second of all, no.”</p><p>Sirius looked mock-insulted. “What do you mean <em>no</em>? Rude.”</p><p>“Give me an idea,” Remus begged, from his spot next to Sirius on the couch.</p><p>Sirius took his face and kissed him on the mouth. “I want you.”</p><p>They kissed for a long time, and Remus smiled at him. “You already have me.”</p><p>Sirius hesitated a little, then gently pushed Remus down onto the couch until he was lying on top of him. When Remus looked up, Sirius was so close that it looked as though he were a Monet, all of the colors bleeding together. Sirius lifted his face up farther away and Remus’s vision focused again. Sirius looked endearingly uncertain. “I mean, all of you.”</p><p>“You have all of – <em>oh</em>. Oh.” Remus reddened.</p><p>Despite their constant flirtations and heavy snogging sessions, the two of them had actually not slept together since Sirius’s return from Azkaban. Not that he didn’t want to – no, on the contrary, his dreams and daytime fantasies alike had stepped up their intensity considerably since the summer. They had done a good deal of other things, but had not fully gone for it. Remus was shy about allowing Sirius to see the parts of his body that he had last seen when they were twenty-one and Remus was considerably less scarred. Sirius, of course, was as gorgeous as ever, and it seemed unfair to Remus that Sirius should receive the shorter end of the stick yet again. Remus had almost died of embarrassment when Sirius had seen him naked in the Shrieking Shack after the transformation, and that was when Sirius had his eyes half-closed from exhaustion and had been less than a minute. He could not dream up what would happen when Sirius saw the scars and injuries that he had accumulated from hundreds of full moons by himself.</p><p>He thought that Sirius might have been reluctant about sleeping together, seeing as Sirius hadn’t broached the topic. Maybe Sirius wasn’t interested in that part of a relationship at all. That was fine with Remus. He would give as much or as little of himself to Sirius as he wanted.</p><p>“I mean, we don’t…we don’t have to, of course, if you don’t want to,” Sirius said with a nervous little laugh. He traced a hand over Remus’s lips and the scar that ran up Remus’s cheekbone. “I’m just kidding, really. Maybe you can get me a record for my birthday, you don’t have to…”</p><p>How was it, Remus asked himself silently, that he suddenly felt like he was sixteen years old again, clueless and hormonal and deeply, wildly insecure? Time travel must have been real.</p><p>Remus took Sirius’s hand and kissed it. “No, no, no, I mean, I want to, it’s not that I don’t. I do. I really do, Merlin, I do.”</p><p>Sirius’s face lit up. “Really?”</p><p>“Yes,” Remus said, surprised. “You didn’t think I did?”</p><p>“Well, I mean, you didn’t mention it,” Sirius said shyly, brushing Remus’s hair back. “So I figured that you didn’t want to. And I…I mean, I didn’t particularly want to get turned down.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t have turned you down,” Remus said. “I just think it won’t be much fun for you.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, what?” Sirius snorted. “Since when? I may have been gone for a long time, but I doubt <em>that</em> changed very much.”</p><p>Remus hurried through his words. “I mean, I don’t really look the same as I did when I was twenty-something, you know? And I had some pretty bad moons between then and now, and maybe you wouldn’t, you won’t like it. You’re gorgeous, and you look as beautiful now as you did when you were sixteen, and I’m…well…me.”</p><p>Sirius smiled at him. “I love all of you, Moony. I always have. And I always will. Plus, I think you’re hot as anything with that silver fox look. And I mean, you might be overstating what a catch I am. I don’t look the way I did back in the day either.”</p><p>Remus eagerly wanted to say yes, but a part of his brain kept malfunctioning whenever he thought about it. He was nervous, perhaps more so than he had been almost twenty years ago. The silence ticked by.</p><p>“But really, we don’t have to, it’s okay.” Sirius said sincerely, and Remus had to give him credit for keeping the disappointment out of his voice. “I want you to enjoy it, too.”</p><p>Remus was about to try to figure out how to move past the unbearable awkwardness, but then he paused. As though he were watching a moving picture, he thought about Sirius, and the invisible string of Fate that had bound the two of them together once more, and how he loved him more than the sun rising in the morning and the crush of the leaves in the autumn, how he had loved Sirius since he was foolish and clueless at sixteen and even when he was at his breaking point and cursed his name relentlessly at twenty-one, and how the moon had held him hostage from so many of his dreams throughout those long and lonely years, and how his fear of what others would say if they saw his scars had kept him trapped in the cages of his mind while Sirius was gone.</p><p>Remus thought about Albus Dumbledore, and Severus Snape, and the Wolfsbane Potion, and the curse that Greyback had bestowed upon him, and the hundreds of little decisions that had been made for Remus over the course of his life, all of the things that the moon had snatched from him mercilessly. In a split second, Remus made a conscious choice. Though destiny had dealt him a shit hand of cards, it had also dealt him the greatest love of his life twice over. He refused to allow the moon to steal one more thing from him – one more joy in his life, the most precious thing he had ever experienced, the most beautiful person he had ever known. He leaned in, and kissed Sirius’s surprised face fervently, until Remus had no air left in his lungs, no thoughts in his brain, and no muscles in his body that he had not once again signed over willingly and entirely to Sirius Black.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What a long week! I hope everyone has been doing well and staying safe. </p><p>It's wild to me that I originally wanted to leave this as a one-shot and now it's almost 50k words. Time flies...and so do words? That one's a little more debatable lol.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Marauders had all revered the prospect of Halloween, once upon a time. It was the one time of year that the entire castle fell into the same trappings of chaos that ordinarily reigned in their dormitory in Gryffindor Tower. Many Hogwarts students were satisfied with stuffing themselves with Honeydukes and enjoying the grandiose Halloween Feast. But this was not good enough for the Marauders, who tempted fate every day during the end of October by planning outrageous celebrations. Their pranks became more devious, sometimes to the brink of outright dangerous; they snuck out late at night with James’s Cloak into Hogsmeade to enjoy the Hallow’s Eve Festival that came to town every year; and James and Sirius bickered non-stop in the days leading up to the holiday about who would have the better costume.</p><p>While Remus often felt morally conflicted about playing ridiculous pranks on unsuspecting students and guilty about abusing Dumbledore’s trust in him, he genuinely enjoyed watching Sirius and James test the creative limits of their magic with their Halloween costumes. The two were among the most brilliant in the class for Charms and Transfiguration, respectively, and watching them deliberate and concoct costumes that would not risk anyone’s life or well-being was a treat for Remus – and for Peter, needless to say, who often watched the two of them brainstorm with the air of a spectator watching a tennis match.</p><p>((In their seventh year, James and Sirius went so far as to dress up as Dumbledore and McGonagall. James boasted an impressive white beard that nearly reached his knees, Transfigured his round glasses into Dumbledore’s half-moon spectacles, and used Sirius’s help to tailor his ordinary black robes into the shocking violet clothes that the Headmaster was fond of wearing. Sirius had somehow figured out how to mimic the contours of Professor McGonagall’s face with the help of Lily’s make-up, excellent lighting, and a few well-placed grooming Charms that he had practiced. Remus would never forget the astonished look on McGonagall’s face (and the smile that she had deliberately bitten back) as Sirius marched into Transfiguration, head held high, looking uncannily like her. Remus had been Professor Binns that day, dressed all in white. The man was so oblivious to his students that Remus had sat in the front row of History of Magic, staring at him, and Binns had not so much as blinked in his direction. Peter had been coaxed into dressing like Professor Slughorn, who was far less enthused about the homage.))</p><p>It went almost without saying that Halloween no longer offered many of the delights and surprises that it once had. October had recouped some of its charms for Remus with the return of Sirius in his life, but Halloween remained a dark, immovable stain on the calendar. He had usually spent the day in mourning by himself in the past. He had never dared return to Godric’s Hollow to memorialize the death of his best friends, as some members of the Order of the Phoenix continued to do even to this day. Remus had visited James and Lily’s graves just once in the days following their deaths and had not been able to shake the horrors of imagining their vivacity doomed to rot in stone-cold tombs. In the early Eighties, he had gotten wildly drunk a few times on Halloween, but age had caught up to him sooner rather than later, and after twenty-six, he was no longer able to get away with attempting to drown his sorrows in fire whiskey unless he wanted to reckon with a ferocious hangover.</p><p>During his first year teaching at Hogwarts, Remus had run into Harry moping around the castle on Halloween, as most of his friends were in Hogsmeade. It had struck Remus as immensely unfair that Harry be left alone on the anniversary of his parents’ death, though he had not brought it up during their conversation. The thought had also sunk in that he, Remus, should have been there with Harry on every anniversary of the day that his parents had died, and he had not been there for James and Lily’s son during all of those years. Granted, that was mostly because of Dumbledore’s instructions that Harry should not have any encounters with the magical world, but Remus realized that he could have pushed back against the Headmaster instead of just following him uncritically.</p><p>Remus had not mentioned any of this to Harry last Halloween, as Harry had had very little idea of the extent to which Remus knew his parents and had been involved in the first year and a half of his life. Instead, they had made some small talk in Remus’s office about Quidditch and classes, Remus had privately thinking vicious thoughts about the muggles who had allegedly raised Harry and who had refused to sign his permission slip. Their conversation had been cut short by Severus Snape interrupting him with the Wolfsbane Potion, Remus remembered. Too anxious to deal with Harry’s keen questions on the potion, Remus had made some excuse about needing to get back to work and had sent Harry off lightly. He had nevertheless kept an eye on Harry that evening during the Halloween Feast and noticed Hermione and Ron attempting to cheer him with great effort. It was then that Remus realized that the two of them were truly life-long friends for Harry, rather than just schoolfriends out of convenience. This thought was cemented in June as the three of them faced Sirius, whom they all thought to be a mass murderer out for Harry’s blood, without a scrap of self-preservation among them. Sirius had been somewhat present last Halloween as well, Remus reflected. Last Halloween night, Sirius had broken into Hogwarts and had torn up the portrait of the woman who guarded the entrance to the Gryffindor common room. Remus could only imagine the desperation that had led Sirius to commit such a rash, violent act, though he had never asked what exactly had coursed through his head at that moment.</p><p>This year, Remus wondered how Sirius would greet Halloween. Sirius had focused so much on his upcoming birthday party and so little on Halloween, though Remus had tried to nudge him in the direction by reminding them that they needed to be there for Harry as much as possible during these days. Even if Harry rarely raised James and Lily’s deaths with the two of them, Remus could not help but worry for Harry sometimes, seeing as he had been so treacherously neglected throughout his formative years. Harry had grown up kind, thoughtful, and considerate, but that was despite the way that he had been raised and perhaps attributable to the miracle of nature over nurture.</p><p>For his part, Sirius was as inscrutable as ever, turning into Padfoot more and more often over the course of the weekend directly preceding Halloween as Remus attempted to broach the issue with him.</p><p>On Sunday night, Remus tried again. “Sirius, I think that we should invite Harry to have some biscuits with us tomorrow, after the Feast. Some tea, maybe some butterbeer, and we can all just have a little chat.”</p><p>Sirius sat up and extended his arms out on his bed, as though preparing himself to get on all fours. “And don’t you dare turn into a dog again or I’m leaving and not coming back.”</p><p>“You’d do no such thing, Moony,” Sirius huffed, but he remained as a human anyways and sank back into his pillow.</p><p>“I know that you don’t want to think about it,” Remus said, more patiently this time, “but I think it’s your responsibility as godfather and mine as…um…”</p><p>“Uncle Moony,” Sirius prompted.</p><p>“Right. As Uncle Moony, to be there for Harry. I told you about what happened with the photobooks, right?”</p><p>Sirius worried his bottom lip with his top teeth. He stared straight up, and in the dim light of the room, Remus could see his grey eyes searching furiously for something that seemed to be written in invisible ink on the ceiling.</p><p>“We answer a lot of questions about Lily and James. We talk about them enough, too. It’s not like we’re forgetting them or anything, Harry knows that,” Sirius said defensively.</p><p>“Yes, but it’s different talking about Lily shooting off a hex at James in fifth year versus <em>asking</em> Harry how he feels.”</p><p>“He’s a resilient kid. He shouldn’t have had to be, but he is. Don’t you think this is worse? Dredging up old memories of the day they died, <em>on</em> the day they died?”</p><p>Remus paused. He gently stroked Sirius’s dark hair away from his forehead. “Are you asking this for Harry, or are you asking this because of yourself?”</p><p>Sirius sprang out of bed, as though Remus’s light touch had burned his forehead.</p><p>“I don’t want to talk about this now,” Sirius glowered petulantly from over by the window. “Or tomorrow, for that matter. I’m sure Harry would rather talk about his Quidditch practice, or about my party on Thursday, than talk about…well…you know.”</p><p>“It’s okay if you have complicated feelings about this,” Remus said, fighting hard to keep his voice level. Did Sirius think that he was the only one entitled to not want to think about the tragedy that had been James and Lily’s demise? Certainly, Halloween held different baggage for Sirius, as it was also the anniversary of the day that the Aurors had caught him on a muggle street and dragged him to Azkaban, but he was certainly not the only one who had lost almost everything that night. “He’s always asking for more information about his parents and I think sometimes, he gets shy to ask.”</p><p>“Shy?” Sirius huffed. “James was never shy.”</p><p>“For the last fucking time, Sirius,” Remus said, finally losing his temper. His voice was thin and reedy. He sat up and rubbed his temples in exasperation. “Harry is <em>not</em> James.”</p><p>“Obviously, he’s not,” Sirius hissed. “James is dead.”</p><p>The windowpane began rattling with the warning of an impending tempest. Remus remembered the literary term, <em>pathetic fallacy</em>, for when the weather matched your mood. It could not have been more apt at this moment, as the swirling storm clouds matched the thunderstorm in Sirius’s bedroom. “I think you need to be there for Harry tomorrow, regardless. At least open the door, extend the invitation–”</p><p>“Well, I’m his godfather, and I think I know him best, even though I didn’t have a whole academic year to get to know him,” Sirius said hotly, leaning up against the window. “But if you want to go ahead and do it, fine. Just don’t ask me to get involved, Remus.”</p><p>Remus looked coldly at Sirius and pushed himself off Sirius’s bed. He began dressing himself in his robes once more and shedding the pajamas that he had started keeping in Sirius’s living quarters. “You’re acting like a child.”</p><p>“Wait,” Sirius asked, and his voice sounded smaller and less heated. “Where are you going?”</p><p>“Back to my room,” Remus said darkly, sticking his belt through the loops of his trousers and tying his shoes. “I’m not going to argue with you about this anymore.”</p><p>Sirius looked mildly panicked. “But you can’t just <em>leave</em>. It’s practically eleven. What am I supposed to do?”</p><p>“You slept alone all this time up until, what, four days ago? I think you’ll manage.”</p><p>Sirius stood in front of the bedroom door and glanced up at him with wide grey eyes. Remus looked down at him with a stinging feeling of irritation and a nagging sensation of guilt.</p><p>“Don’t leave,” Sirius said, his voice a breathy sound that matched the gentle scrape of a tree branch against his window. “Please?”</p><p>Remus looked straight ahead stoically. He ran his hand over his cheekbone, feeling the whisper of a silvery scar on it. “I think that you’re acting ridiculous, I’m upset, you’re upset, and this is clearly something that we both feel strongly about. I think that it’s best if we spend the night apart, Sirius. And for the record, I don’t care if you’ll be there, I’m asking Harry if he wants to meet up after the Feast. If he doesn’t, fine. But at least I tried.”</p><p>Sirius looked like he was about to say something, but then seemed to think twice about it. His shoulders drooped. A muscle twitched in his jaw. “Fine. But I’m walking you back to your quarters.”</p><p>“Really not necessary–” Remus objected, but Sirius was already getting dressed again, tying up his boots, and slipping on his robes.</p><p>The two of them walked in silence through the dark and mostly silent halls of the castle. Their only companions were two ghosts who were gliding several feet ahead of them, speculating loudly about the Halloween celebrations that Dumbledore had planned. They smiled faintly at two Ravenclaw prefects who were on the last shift of patrolling the corridors. As they climbed up the staircase that led to Remus’s quarters, Remus suddenly felt a gust of wind behind them. He turned, expecting to see Peeves blowing out his tongue or another specter, but instead met Harry’s sparkling green eyes. The rest of his body was covered by the Cloak.</p><p>“Hello, Professors,” Harry said with a sheepish smile.</p><p>“What are you doing out of bed afterhours?” Sirius asked, sounding amused rather than concerned.</p><p>“Where are Ron and Hermione?” Remus asked mildly, looking around for Harry’s faithful companions.</p><p>“Ron’s in the kitchens, where I’m, er, going right now. He had a late detention after he accidentally exploded a cauldron in Potions last week. We tried to tell Snape that he didn’t mean to, but he’s a right git.”</p><p>“Agreed,” Sirius said fervently, and not even Remus could tell them off in good faith. </p><p>“Hermione went off to bed. Says she has better things to do that wander around the castle at all hours of the day and night, tempting expulsion,” he said, mimicking Hermione’s high-pitched tone with a bit of a laugh. “What are you two doing out?”</p><p>“Taking a stroll,” Sirius said. “Doing a bit of sight-seeing.”</p><p>“Brilliant,” Harry grinned. For a moment, godfather and godson beamed at each other.</p><p>“Ready for Halloween?” Sirius asked, his voice artificially light.</p><p>Harry smiled at them brightly, but Remus noticed a crease gathering in his forehead just next to the lightning bolt scar. “Yes. Fred and George say they have something wicked planned, but er, maybe pretend you didn’t hear that from me.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Sirius said with a terrific smile. Clearly, he had his own plans for the rambunctious Weasley twins.</p><p>“Harry,” Remus said slowly, as Harry lifted up the hood of the Cloak again and prepared to disappear inside of it. “Just a moment. I know you might not want to talk about it, but we – er, I – know that Halloween may be a bit of a difficult day for you even with all the festivities. And I just want to say that if you want to meet up tomorrow and talk about anything at all – your parents, class, whatever – I’m here for you.”</p><p>Harry’s face was a jumble of conflicting emotions. Sirius looked lost. Remus charged forth.</p><p>“We care very much for you, Harry. And whether you want to talk at any point or you don’t, I want to let you know that we love you, and we loved your parents and still do. I think about them all the time, and it’s okay whether you do or whether you don’t, either way I’m still here to listen. And Sirius is too, in his own way,” Remus finished gently. There was a moment of silence save for the sound of trickling water somewhere high above them.</p><p>Remus was afraid that he might have crossed some unspeakable line, when suddenly Harry rushed at him and Sirius and enveloped them both in a large, unexpected embrace. Remus staggered back against Harry’s weight and hugged him tightly. He felt Sirius’s arm around his waist and saw other one atop Harry’s head. Harry was getting tall, he realized, and Remus would be surprised if he didn’t end up taller than Sirius by the time that he was fully grown. By the time they stepped away from each other, Harry was rather pink in the face.</p><p>“Moony is probably better with all this stuff,” Sirius admitted awkwardly, ruffling Harry’s hair. “But I miss James every day. And Evans, what a gift to the world. You’re a gift to us too, Harry. And I’m sorry for not opening myself up more if you wanted to listen. It’s been a strange few months, you know.”</p><p>“That’s okay,” Harry said, and Remus was almost knocked back with pride at the young man that Harry was and the adult that he would soon become. “Honestly, Halloween for me is mostly the Feast and the candy and stuff. But,” he said, looking down at his invisible feet and adjusting the Cloak around him, “I’m grateful that the door is open, especially since I think about them a lot, not just now. And I know that you both have your own way of remembering my mum and dad, and that you miss them too, so it means a lot to me that you, er, mentioned this. So thanks, Remus. Thanks, Sirius.”</p><p>They all stopped for a moment and watched each other shyly. Sirius shot Remus a sincere look of apology, and Remus gave him a soft smile in return. They both looked at Harry, the somewhat miraculous teenager who had brought them together.</p><p>“Alright, Harry,” Remus said mildly, looking at his watch. “You should probably go find Ron. He’s almost certainly despairing at the prospect of having to return to Gryffindor without the Cloak, and every moment we’re here just begs for Mrs. Norris to show up. Go on, now.”</p><p>“Don’t get caught,” Sirius said with a grin.</p><p>“Right,” Harry said, slipping back underneath the Cloak. “Good night.”</p><p>They went their separate ways, Harry’s footsteps becoming inaudible after a moment. Sirius looked over at Remus contritely.</p><p>“You were right.”</p><p>“How was I right? He didn’t want to talk about it, so weren’t you actually right?” Remus asked. He let Sirius take his hand, and they briefly walked with their fingers interlaced until they saw a distant shadow fall on the wall ahead of them. They let go quickly.</p><p>“Yeah, but it clearly meant something to him when you said that you were willing to talk,” Sirius sighed, drumming his fingers against Remus’s shoulder. “Honestly, Moony, the idea of having to talk to Harry about Lily and James is too much for me to handle sometimes. Everything becomes…like some sort of horrible, toxic pudding, just mixed together in my brain. Their deaths, Peter’s betrayal, my own stint in Azkaban, and it’s just awful and all lumped in together. Sometimes, I want to ask that old son of a bitch if I can borrow his Pensieve and just let it all unstring itself. But I’m sorry. I need to put Harry first, you’re right.”</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus said, looking around to make sure that they were completely alone before caressing his face lightly. “We’re both making this up as we go. We were both absent from Harry’s life for so bloody long, it makes sense that we’d be uncertain of everything. And it’s not like we’re out here without baggage of our own. Godric knows I have enough of it to fill over Heathrow twice over.”</p><p>Sirius squinted. “Is that the muggle port? Where the ships go?”</p><p>Remus smiled affectionately at him. “Aeroplanes, not ships, but close.”</p><p>Sirius shook his head as they continued walking. “I need to talk more with Professor Burbage, honestly. Muggle Studies is beyond me sometimes.”</p><p>“I had the benefit of having a muggle mum, don’t be so hard on yourself,” Remus said as they finally reached Remus’s living quarters.</p><p>“Well, good night, then,” Sirius said awkwardly. He looked up at Remus with an exhausted expression on his face. “I’m sorry again, Moony. You and Harry both mean more to me than anything else, even my own life.”</p><p>“The feeling is mutual. Which, come to think of it, probably isn’t the best for Harry,” Remus said thoughtfully. “I hope he cares more about himself than he cares for either of us.”</p><p>There was a moment of appraising each other once more. Remus could almost hear the wind slapping against his own windowpanes; the storm was clearly picking up. It would be a wet, rainy Halloween.</p><p>“Is there still an open offer? For tomorrow,” Sirius asked shyly. “Tea, and crumpets, or whatever it is that you were planning to do for Harry? Even if Harry doesn’t want to talk about it?”</p><p>Remus was touched. “Of course.” Then, he paused for a moment and looked around. “Do you want to stay over?”</p><p>Sirius gave Remus an earnest, clearly relieved look. “Yes. I thought you’d never ask.”</p><p>They stepped into Remus’s dark and quiet living room. He busied himself in the bathroom, brushing his teeth and stepping into his heavy, warm pajamas. By the time Remus headed into his dark bedroom, Padfoot was curled around the edge of Remus’s side, snoring happily, as though he had not a single care in the world.</p><p>***</p><p>As Remus expected, Sirius made his thirty-fifth birthday an all-day affair. He wondered what Sirius had written on his planner for November third, other than <em>wreak havoc</em>. Remus had woken up before Sirius and decorated Sirius’s living quarters with an array of brightly-colored balloons. He had also presented Sirius with a gift: a carefully-wrapped vinyl copy of Queen’s <em>Innuendo</em>, the last album that had been released with Freddie Mercury just a few months before the singer’s untimely death. Sirius had been delighted by the gift, though made a big fuss about how Remus had not needed to make a big deal out of his birthday. He then promptly set himself to making a huge deal out of his birthday.</p><p>At eight, Sirius made his first entrance into the Great Hall, Remus by his side looking rather embarrassed, preceded by a chorus line of ghosts that he had convinced to play assorted instruments. None of the ghosts actually knew how to play an instrument, save for the noble Nearly Headless Nick on the trumpet, so the students in the Great Hall were treated to a brilliant cacophony of sounds first thing in the morning. Sirius then spent most of his classroom hours tormenting his students with mostly innocent but occasionally wicked little pranks, so that Fred and George somehow ended up spending the entire afternoon with antlers thanks to a precisely-placed Anteoculatia Charm, much to Ron and Ginny’s endless amusement. Remus was decidedly less amused, as was Professor McGonagall, who for a moment looked ready to deduct ten points from Gryffindor before remembering that Sirius was in fact, a teacher.</p><p>Sirius received no fewer than forty-seven birthday cards and received many more greetings from an entourage of students who seemed to trot around with him from place to place. Remus was not quite sure how any of the students had figured out that it was Sirius’s birthday in the first place. He attributed this sleuthing to their sheer admiration of (and perhaps ill-advised crushes on) Professor Black. One of the birthday cards, from Lavender Brown, sang a very enthusiastic and shrill rendition of <em>for he’s a jolly good fellow</em> whenever Sirius opened it, which he kept doing in the hallway outside the Potions dungeon just to torment Snape. At dinner, Sirius was swamped with owl mail from admirers who had somehow figured out that he was teaching at Hogwarts and who offered their best wishes and hands in marriage to the mysterious but devastatingly good-looking heir to the Black family fortune.</p><p>The main event of the evening, of course, was scheduled to be Sirius’s birthday party at the Three Broomsticks at seven. Sirius dressed up outrageously for it, with a ripped pair of muggle jeans, his well-worn leather jacket, a pair of lace-up boots, and a simple white tee-shirt.</p><p>“Godric, you’re trying to kill me,” Remus said, sincerely thinking that he was about to go into cardiac arrest.</p><p>“Am I going to embarrass Harry like this?” Sirius asked, looking at himself in his mirror. He had charmed the mirror to wolf-whistle at him every once in a while, which it did now.</p><p>“Absolutely, you fop,” Remus deadpanned. He gave Sirius a once-over and then glanced down at his own outfit. He was wearing a cotton henley sweater and felt wildly underdressed.</p><p>“Good,” Sirius said, looking satisfied. “Shall we go pick up Harry and company?”</p><p>The three students had been permitted to attend Sirius’s birthday party only upon Remus’s insistence to Professor McGonagall that they would neither mention this to any of the other students nor be permitted to walk around Hogsmeade unchaperoned. To be frank, Remus was surprised that she had even allowed them to take them outside the castle for this, but he had the sneaking suspicion that despite McGonagall’s wariness towards Sirius, she actually felt genuinely sorry for the way that his life had turned out and was more inclined to be kind to him than she appeared at first glance.</p><p>“Oh, hold on one second,” Remus said casually, brushing up close to Sirius just before Sirius lunged for his doorknob. “You have something on your mouth.”</p><p>“What is it?” Sirius said with a frown, making to turn around and reach his mirror. Remus caught Sirius by the bottom of his angular, sharp jawbone and kissed him.</p><p>“Me. Now we can go.”</p><p>With silly, foolish smiles printed on their faces, Remus and Sirius made their way to the foot of Gryffindor Tower, where Harry, Ron, and Hermione were waiting with eager looks on their faces. The three of them had dark traveling robes thrown over their muggle jeans and sweaters.</p><p>“Happy birthday, Sirius,” Harry said, grinning broadly.</p><p>“Happy birthday, Professor, sir,” Hermione chirped.</p><p>“Happy birthday, er, Sirius. Um…er…Professor Black?” Ron said excitedly. “Brilliant of you to get us out of the castle for your birthday party.”</p><p>“It’s my pleasure. Thanks, all,” Sirius said, as they walked out of the castle and in the direction of Hogsmeade. Though Sirius had wanted to take the one-eyed witch route (“It’s not like they don’t know what it is, Moony!”), Remus had insisted on playing things by the books as much as possible.</p><p>“I am surprised that Professor McGonagall is allowing this,” Hermione admitted, looking a little uncertain. “But I am pleased, of course, to be invited.”</p><p>“It’s because she’s in love with me,” Sirius said airily.</p><p>“That doesn’t sound right,” Hermione frowned, looking to Remus for guidance. He shook his head at Sirius with a fond but exasperated smile.</p><p>“Who else is coming, Sirius?” Harry asked excitedly. His green eyes seemed to glow in the dim lights of the Hogwarts grounds.</p><p>Sirius thought about it for a moment. “Well, your parents are coming, Ron, so behave. My cousin Andromeda and her family, a few friends from the old days, Hagrid, Professor Burbage, Professor Sprout, Madam Pomfrey–”</p><p>“Not Snape,” Ron groaned aloud.</p><p>“Professor Snape, Ron,” Remus said kindly.</p><p>“That lizard was certainly not invited to the party,” Sirius sniffed. “He doesn’t deserve the chocolate crumbs off my birthday cake.”</p><p>“Oi, who spilled the beans about your birthday cake being chocolate?” Remus complained loudly. He and Harry had been planning the special, three-tiered chocolate and raspberry cake, to be delivered by the Hogwarts elves at eight, for several days.</p><p>Sirius grinned at him guiltily. “I asked Dobby. I was curious! Sorry, Moony.”</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes at him. Sirius jumped on him as though he made to kiss him, and then quickly remembered the three adolescent students just behind them – one of whom was totally in the dark about their relationship. “It’s my birthday. Don’t be cross.”</p><p>“Oh, I’m not.”</p><p>The five of them arrived at The Three Broomsticks at ten past seven. The bar was warm and loud, with the sounds of muggle and wizarding rock barely audible over the raucous conversations taking place around them. Remus had not understood why Sirius had insisted that they arrive fashionably late, but for a moment, as all of them were cheered and hugged by a long line of friends who had been eagerly waiting on their arrival, Remus flushed with the pleasure of friendship and understood the appeal more than ever. Sirius was immediately hustled to the bar by Hagrid, who looked to be at least two tankards in, judging by his swaying, and Kingsley Shacklebolt, who insisted on getting him a shot of Ogden’s Fire Whiskey. Ron and Harry were vehemently hugged and kissed by Mrs. Weasley, who was wearing a floral sweater and a long skirt, and patted on the head enthusiastically by Mr. Weasley, who seemed much more interested in asking Hermione and Harry about the VHS machines that he had encountered recently.</p><p>“Good to see you, dear,” Molly Weasley said, kissing Remus on the cheek as well. “I trust that Ron and Ginny have been behaving properly at school?”</p><p>“Oh yes,” Remus said easily. “Very bright students. Ginny has a particular talent for Defense Against the Dark Arts. And we’re all very proud of Ron making it onto the Gryffindor team, too. He played an excellent game against Ravenclaw.”</p><p>“Arthur and I are hoping to make it to the Hufflepuff game this winter,” Molly said, beaming at her youngest son. She lowered her voice. “And the twins?”</p><p>Remus laughed. “Giving Sirius a run for his money on the daily.”</p><p>They looked over to where Madam Rosmerta was singing along with Sirius, who had charmed one of the walls to read out the lyrics to whatever song was playing. They were duetting the words to <em>Under Pressure</em>, Hagrid pretending to strum the air guitar along with them. Remus had a brief shock as he remembered how the song had been released just days before Sirius had been hauled off to prison, and how for a long time, he had hated hearing it on the radio or on the street because all he could think about was how much Sirius would have loved listening to two of his heroes sing together. How life changed.</p><p>“Sirius does look very happy. It’s absurd to think that the poor dear was locked up for so long,” Molly tutted. “I can’t imagine how difficult it’s been.”</p><p>“Quite,” Remus said idly.</p><p>“I can’t imagine how glad Harry is to have Sirius around, though I wonder if Sirius is perhaps the best role model for him. Harry is at an impressionable age after all…”</p><p>“Sirius is plenty responsible,” Remus said, crossing his fingers behind his back.</p><p>“Well, dear, I’m glad at least you’re around to keep his head on his shoulders.”</p><p>Remus was grateful when their conversation interrupted by a tap on his shoulder. It was Andromeda, whom he had only met twice before, along with her husband, Ted, and a pink-haired witch whom Remus guessed was their daughter, Nymphadora.</p><p>“Hello, Remus. It’s nice to see you again,” Andromeda said quietly, with a placid smile that stretched across her whole face. Andromeda still had the same long, curly light brown hair and the same bright expression. They had met one summer, between Remus’s sixth and seventh years at Hogwarts, and then seen each other once while Remus and Sirius were living together in muggle London after graduation. “I can’t believe my baby cousin is thirty-five. You met my husband Ted the last time we saw each other, I believe. And I don’t know if you ever met my daughter, Nymphadora.”</p><p>“Wotcher, Remus,” Tonks said enthusiastically. Remus swore that her eyes had gone from green to purple in the last minute that he had been speaking to Andromeda. “It’s Tonks. Don’t call me Nymphadora. This is a grand party, by the way. How much did it cost?”</p><p> “Duly noted, Tonks,” Remus said with a laugh, shaking Ted’s hand as well. “And that’s a question for Sirius. I’m afraid I seldom ask about how he spends his money, for fear of being disappointed. I’m glad you were able to make it out here for the party.”</p><p>“Well, seeing as Sirius is the last part of Andy’s family that still talks to her, we wanted to put in the effort to come celebrate with him,” Ted said. He had brown hair that was flecked with grey, and kind eyes circled with tiny wrinkles. He looked as though he had made a career out of smiling.</p><p>“We wanted to come over the summer, you see, but Dora was studying for her Auror qualifiers,” Andromeda explained.</p><p>“You’re an Auror?” Remus asked Tonks, impressed. She seemed awfully young to him to be an Auror, especially compared to Mad-Eye Moody and the Aurors that he had encountered in the past. He could not reconcile the title with her apparent bubbliness and lively expression. She reminded him a bit of Sirius, Remus thought.</p><p>Tonks nodded. “It took forever to pass, but thankfully I have Mad-Eye as a mentor, so he really took me on under his wing.”</p><p>Sirius arrived just as Tonks was beginning to explain the ins and outs of Auror training. He slung an arm around Remus’s shoulders, and his eyes flashed with delight as he faced Andromeda and her family. He and Andromeda embraced. Remus remembered the long letter that she had written him, pledging her support, after his family had disowned him.</p><p>“Weren’t you, like, three, the last time I saw you?” Sirius asked, staring at Tonks incredulously.</p><p>“Well, you missed a lot in prison,” Tonks said casually, and Remus snorted at the breezy way that she said it and at Andromeda’s gaping look. Tonks’s hair faded from bright pink to a shocking red. Remus realized that she must be a Metamorphmagus. He had never met one in real life before, only read about them.</p><p>Harry tentatively joined the fringes of their semi-circle. Sirius immediately made space for him, and introduced him to Andromeda, Ted, and Tonks, as his godson. To their credit, though they almost certainly knew exactly who Harry was, they pretended they had never heard of him before. Tonks actually asked Harry to repeat his name several times and then insisted on calling him Harper instead.</p><p>After a while of back and forth conversations, Remus excused himself to fetch butterbeers from the counter. Madam Rosmerta threw him a saucy wink as he approached.</p><p>“I’m so glad Sirius is back,” she said, looking over to where Sirius was now telling a story to Harry, Ron, Hermione, and the Weasley family. He had stripped the jacket off and was just wearing his clingy white tee-shirt. “He looks more handsome than ever.”</p><p>Remus was feeling oddly possessive and was about to say something that he would almost certainly regret when he felt a hand on his arm. He looked over to see Madam Pomfrey smiling at him. She was nursing a gillywater along with Professor Sprout and Professor Burbage.</p><p>“Professor Lupin,” Professor Burbage said over the beat of<em> Billie Jean</em>. She was young and pretty, one of the few professors that had not been at Hogwarts during Remus and Sirius’s days. “It’s nice to see you. I was wondering whether you came to any social events.”</p><p>“Oh, Sirius and I are old friends,” Remus said, sipping at a butterbeer. He refused to drink anything stronger, as he was technically in charge of chaperoning the three students.</p><p>“I didn’t know,” Professor Burbage said.</p><p>“Lucky you,” Professor Sprout snorted. “I had to have the two of them as students, running amok all over the Greenhouses. Nearly destroyed Greenhouse Three once.”</p><p>Remus smiled apologetically at her.</p><p>“Are you enjoying yourself, Remus, dear?” Madam Pomfrey asked him warmly. As usual, he felt like a small child once more.</p><p>“Sirius knows how to throw a party for sure. Are you all having fun?” He looked over to where Hestia Jones and Emmeline Vance were dancing riotously on top of one of the tables. He suspected that the two of them were stone-cold sober.</p><p>“Well, we’ll let you in on a little secret.” Professor Sprout said deviously. Her light eyes sparkled in the lighting of the Three Broomsticks, and she crunched on a carrot from a nearby tray for dramatic emphasis. “We’re trying to figure out whether Sirius is in some sort of relationship or not. Did you hear all the students gossiping about it last month?”</p><p>“Oh,” Remus said, not sure whether to be entertained or annoyed. “I believe so. But you know, it’s sort of difficult for professors to date while at school.”</p><p>“But I saw him in the teacher’s lounge last week with what <em>had</em> to be a hickey,” Professor Burbage said keenly. “Must have been. He looked in the mirror and left immediately and when I saw him for lunch, it was gone.”</p><p>“Guess someone got carried away,” Professor Sprout said with a laugh.</p><p>Remus hoped that he was not blushing too noticeably. He prayed that they would just think he was a prude who got uncomfortable talking about physical affection, nothing more or less. After all, he could not exactly announce to the three of them that <em>he </em>had been the one getting carried away and accidentally leaving that mark on Sirius.</p><p>Madam Pomfrey interrupted their gales of laughter quickly. “Oh really now. The poor dear deserves better than us betting on his personal life. He does run into a number of interesting pranks, maybe that bruise you saw was just part of them.”</p><p>Remus relaxed slightly. Professors Burbage and Sprout drooped a little. Madam Pomfrey gave Remus what he swore was a subtle wink.</p><p>“Well, what’s this, then? All my colleagues talking about me behind my back?” Sirius asked lightly, coming up behind Remus and leaning over so as to put his hand on Remus’s waist under the cover of the darkness underneath the bar. His timing had been impeccable. Remus remembered after a moment that Sirius did have rather good hearing after his year spent as Padfoot, and wondered whether he had heard them all talking.</p><p>“Happy birthday,” they all said and toasted him with their glasses. They began to talk lightly about school, when suddenly, Remus noticed Professor McGonagall weaving through the crowd.</p><p>“Hello, all, sorry I’m late. Happy birthday, Black,” she said, and Sirius smiled dazzlingly at her.</p><p>“Professor McGonagall, my love, my sweet! I am <em>thrilled</em> that you’re here. I knew that you couldn’t stay away for too long.”</p><p>The corners of her mouth twitched upwards before she pointedly ignored him and turned to face the rest of the teachers. Sirius took advantage of the moment to turn to Remus.</p><p>“Cake time?”</p><p>Remus nodded and made a signal with his hand at Madam Rosmerta. Within a few moments, the lights of The Three Broomsticks had gone dark and the bright, beautiful birthday cake had appeared out of nowhere on a stand in the middle of the bar. It was decorated lavishly, several tiers tall, dripping with fudge, and covered with chocolate trimmings and shavings. Dobby looked bashful but proud as he presented it to the birthday boy, and Sirius shook his hand with delight. Sirius fetched Harry, Ron, and Hermione, and made sure to pull Remus next to him as the whole room began to sing happy birthday. Remus could pick out Hagrid’s loud, gruff voice; Kingsley’s melodic, deep baritone; and Tonks’s slightly off-beat singing. Sirius glowed amidst the flickering flames of the thirty-five candles, and the additional candle for luck, the lower half of his face illuminated spectacularly. Sirius met Remus’s eyes significantly and then leaned in to blow out the candles in one swift motion. The room cheered and applauded.</p><p>Sirius took advantage of the general eagerness to reach the cake and get a slice so that he could pull Remus to the side, into a dark niche.</p><p>“Having fun, Moony?”</p><p>“Oh yes, I had to dissuade some of the faculty from trying to speculate on your love life, but other than that, an excellent and most auspicious occasion.”</p><p>“I think my cousin has a little crush on you.” Sirius teased.</p><p>“Andromeda?” Remus asked, surprised.</p><p>“No. Nymphadora.”</p><p>“Oh, Tonks,” Remus said. “She seems nice.”</p><p>“She is. Absolutely lovely, fearless, and all that jazz.” Sirius whispered in Remus’s ear, grabbing at his side possessively. “But I’m a little jealous. It <em>is</em> my birthday, after all.”</p><p>“You have nothing to fear with Tonks,” Remus said with a snort of laughter. “And lay off the drinks, would you? I may be the designated chaperone here – actually, curfew’s in a bit, so I should take the trio back up to the castle soon – but it doesn’t mean you can go wild on a Thursday night. You have class tomorrow, <em>Professor Black</em>.”</p><p>“Fine, spoilsport. Even you being a right swot isn’t going to ruin this for me. I’m positively chuffed at this birthday,” Sirius declared, and leaned against Remus heavily.</p><p>“And you didn’t even have to set off any fireworks.”</p><p>No sooner had Remus spoken than he heard the tell-tale sizzle and bang of explosions and saw a pinwheel of bright colors spinning outside the window. Ron and Harry hurried over to the windows to gape. Remus eyed Sirius skeptically. Sirius grinned at him, and his expression was the sort of nonverbal magic that Remus could have spent his whole life studying and never truly understood until he met Sirius.</p><p>“Happy birthday to me,” he said delightedly, falling into Remus’s arms.</p><p>They stood like that, arms wrapped around each other, swaying to the music, watching the fireworks bang about, until they both remembered where they were and more importantly, <em>who</em> they were. They quickly disentangled each other, and Remus looked around. No one seemed to be looking in their direction, except for Madam Pomfrey, who gave him a big smile. Remus had no choice but to smile back.</p><p>“Sirius,” Harry called out, as the two of them approached the windows. “I have your present.”</p><p>“Oh, Harry, no need,” Sirius protested.</p><p>Harry handed him a lumpy package that had been wrapped in a copy of <em>The Daily Prophet</em>. “Absolute rubbish newspaper, but I had no wrapping paper,” Harry explained.</p><p>Sirius opened the present and stopped for a moment. “This is the greatest present ever,” Sirius said, seeming to be at a loss for words. “Thank you.”</p><p>He handed the present to Remus so that he could hug Harry tightly.</p><p>Remus looked at the gift. It was a crimson double frame with two photographs stuck inside. One was from James and Lily’s wedding, a photograph that Remus had not seen in several years, since Hagrid had written to him asking for photographs of James and Lily. Lily was beautiful and vivacious in white, James was messy-haired with a brilliant smile, Remus smiled shyly for the pictures as Lily hugged him tightly, and Sirius looked every bit as dapper as Remus remembered in his dress robes, attempting to hoist James over his shoulder. The other was a picture from this past summer at Harry’s birthday party at Grimmauld Place – him and Sirius and Remus poolside, waving madly at the camera. On the wooden frame, Harry had written <em>My Family</em> on it with his small, decisive print that looked quite similar to Lily’s. </p><p>Even the enchantments of Felix Felicis, Remus thought fervently, could not have made him a luckier man.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you all so much for reading, commenting, bookmarking, kudos-ing, etc. It means so very much to me :')</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>What Remus loved the most about Sirius, this time around, was not the way that he could bewitch a room when he told a story, or the easy, careless way that he strode through the corridors and tossed his hair back, or the piercing, silver gaze that could make the castle feel as though it had gone up in flames, Remus burning contentedly along with it. That had been what had moved Remus – entranced him, if he were to be quite honest – back during his Hogwarts days. He loved all of these things now, of course, and the way that no one could figure out how to get a rise out of him quite like Sirius Black could, and the way that he felt sometimes as though he could go mad with desire just from the way that Sirius swept his hair up or moved his shoulders to a song.</p><p>What Remus loved the most about Sirius now was quite different. He loved the proliferation of dull Mondays spent alongside him that somehow became just a little more magical, the evenings spent lesson-planning that quickly spiraled into impromptu adventures if Sirius could coax Remus into abandoning his work, and the quotidian dinners spent discussing whether to redecorate Grimmauld Place next year, what to get Harry for Christmas, or whether to allow Hermione would feel as passionate about her newly-founded Society for the Promotion of Elvish Welfare if she had grown up with Kreacher, where Remus watched Sirius with the secret and irresistible knowledge that Sirius would be going home with him at the end of the night. When Sirius decided to embroil Remus in his quixotic missions to keep even the dreary days of late autumn as interesting as humanly, or caninely, possible, Remus happily allowed himself to be dragged into whatever plot Sirius had crafted to match the Weasley twins in their pranking or make Snape’s life just a little harder. Yet even the mundane seemed thrilling. Remus would be pressed to find the proper words to describe the pleasure of waking up next to Sirius splayed across the bed. How could he possibly explain the joy of making himself two strong cups of tea and setting out Sirius’s coffee mug on Saturday mornings, reading two chapters of a good book – muggle or magical – before Sirius stumbled out of bed and threw himself on the couch next to him as though they had done this for a lifetime?</p><p>November slipped by like the smooth pearls on an expensive necklace that Remus was eager to carry with him everywhere he walked. A casual spectator may not have seen a difference, but a collector could have pointed out the subtle differences in the quality of the pearls with ease – the traces of a late-night Honeydukes trip with Sirius here, the memory of a cream tea with Harry where Sirius kept trying to sneak Zonko’s joke candies into his scones there. Even the halfway mark of the full moon, the constant and unwelcome purveyor of drama for Remus’s last three decades, fell neatly into that precious string of pearls; Padfoot and the wolf spent the evening as cozy companions, a tangle of black and grey fur splashed across Remus’s floor like a silhouette.</p><p>There was not a day that passed that Remus did not recognize that his current life would have been unthinkable once upon a time, after all. He thought of all the weeks and months and years that had melted into each other for all the wrong reasons, and had left a sour and unpleasant aftertaste in his mouth. The idea of waking up next to Sirius day after day would have been laughable before the end of 1976 and hysterically impossible after 1981. The prospect of a decent-paying and enjoyable job where he commanded the admiration and respect of hundreds of schoolchildren would have made the younger version of himself scoff. The prominence of Lily and James’s son in his life, a teenager whom he saw less and less as collages of his parents and more as his own, distinct personage, would have shocked him a decade ago. Remus thought often of Lily – brave, brilliant, exceptionally kind Lily – who had told him for years that the possibility of a beautiful life was possible outside of the gates of Hogwarts. At long last, Remus had come to live out the prophecy that Lily had once laid out for him. It was with great pain that he acknowledged that she was not there to see her words come to fruition. But he thanked her anyways for her kindness, because he knew that she was out there, listening somewhere and watching Remus live his dreams in real life.</p><p>Besides the quiet joys of having Sirius Black by his side, Remus had Harry, and he had his students. His classes were on the forefront in the last week of November. Harry had finally convinced Remus to teach his class the more practical elements of casting Patronus Charms alongside the theoretical work that corresponded to their grade year. Remus was nervous but delighted that he was able to grant Harry this wish that he had so clearly and inexplicably had, for his friends and classmates to be privy to the Patronus Charm. Perhaps it was a bit of boyish ego, Remus thought, and a desire to show off his own corporeal Patronus. But Harry was not particularly arrogant – had it been James, Remus thought wryly, he would have cast a Patronus every day, and two on Sundays just for the hell of it.</p><p>On the Thursday that Remus was set to teach double Defense Against the Dark Arts to the Gryffindors and Slytherins and introduce them to the Patronus Charm, Sirius received a letterby owl post at breakfast that would disrupt Remus’s extraordinarily placid few weeks since Sirius’s birthday. He might have expected a dash of chaos based on Sirius’s very rare appearance at breakfast. Sirius, after all, normally preferred to dash in at the very end, stuff his face with eggs and toast, or pancakes, or some other breakfast dish that Remus set aside for him, and then run off to class a minute or two late.</p><p>Halfway through his eggs, a chummy-looking, tawny owl dropped an envelope in front of him. Remus was surprised – several days had passed without Sirius getting any mail from his many admirers, including two who continued to propose their hands in marriage, and he and Sirius them had been almost certain that the correspondence would cease. Sirius frowned and then looked at the address. His eyes lit up almost immediately.</p><p>“It’s Andromeda!” Sirius said excitedly, tearing open the envelope and looking at the letter inside. His dark eyebrows rose up to his hairline as he read, and then he snorted loudly.</p><p>“What’d she say?” Remus asked, sipping at his English Breakfast tea.</p><p>“Well, first of all, and perhaps most rudely, she says that Tonks would like to wish you a <em>very</em> <em>special greeting</em>, and she hopes that <em>Professor Lupin is doing well</em>.”</p><p>“Did you make that up? Or did she actually say that?” Remus asked wryly.</p><p>“I told you she had a little crush on you,” Sirius said, rolling his eyes to the very top of the ceiling.</p><p>Remus scoffed. “Oh, you’re assuming the worst, Sirius. Maybe she just sensed that I have no friends besides you and a teenage wizard and wanted to be friendly.”</p><p>“Mm. Right. Or maybe having the hots for you just runs in my family’s blood,” Sirius said, lowering his voice and giving Remus a crooked smile.</p><p>“You’re being ridiculous.”</p><p>“You’re a bona fide Casanova, leading me on and everything.”</p><p>“Enough, you scoundrel,” Remus said, putting his teacup down before he accidentally sloshed it down his robes. “Did she write just to say that?”</p><p>Sirius looked down at the letter. “No. She also wanted to tell me that she had dinner with a few friends of hers from Hogwarts last week and that apparently, they’re <em>very keen</em> for me to return to London and start dating in earnest.”</p><p>“Oh.” Remus felt rather deflated. Somehow, being at Hogwarts, Remus had easily forgotten that Sirius was perhaps the most eligible “bachelor” in the wizarding world. Just the memory of how the press had dogged Sirius about his love life over the summer whenever he deigned to leave the house in human form made Remus’s skin crawl.</p><p>Sirius spoke quickly. “Andy told them all to shove off and leave me alone, but she just wanted me to know that they were interested. And she wanted me to know that if I wanted her to vet the young women who are potential…whatever…she would be happy to do so. She can figure out who just wants the money from the good old family fortune and who’s in it for real. Apparently, some of them are quite nice.”</p><p>“Oh, are they now?” Remus said, buttering his toast so vigorously that he crushed one of the crusts in his hand.</p><p>“Are you jealous, Moony?” Sirius asked, batting his eyelashes dramatically.</p><p>“Absolutely not,” Remus said, lying through his teeth.</p><p>“Well you shouldn’t. You know very well that I’m not interested in anyone else.” Then, he became thoughtful. “I wonder if she’s managed to pick up that you and I are…you know.”</p><p>Remus thought back to the occasion that Sirius, Remus, Andromeda, and Ted had met up in muggle London, just a year after the Marauders had left Hogwarts. Sirius had not hidden anything from her, but somehow, the fact that they were in an actual relationship rather than simply roommates living together out of convenience had never quite come up.</p><p>“I don’t think that she knows,” Remus said honestly.</p><p>“Should I tell her?” Sirius asked.</p><p>Remus suddenly felt as though the sun were shining directly on him through the thin protection of the enchanted ceiling. “If you’d like. But maybe…it would be better suited for an in-person conversation? Or maybe, we can just keep this quiet.”</p><p>“But why?” Sirius asked earnestly. “I don’t know if I want to keep this secret anymore, Moony.”</p><p>“I don’t know, Sirius. I sort of like having you all to myself,” Remus said softly.</p><p>“You’ll still have me all to yourself. Telling people won’t change that.”</p><p>“I mean, Harry knows. And alright, Hermione knows because she’s too bright for her own good. Isn’t that enough?”</p><p>Sirius quirked a dark eyebrow up. “Are you embarrassed of me?”</p><p>Remus tried to bite back a laugh. “Of <em>you</em>? I’m afraid Andromeda will think I’ve doused you with some premium love potion.”</p><p>“Nonsense,” Sirius said, whipping out a quill and parchment paper from thin air and setting  himself to writing in quick yet impressively elegant cursive, a mark of his breeding that he could not shed for the life of him. Remus finished breakfast and tried to resist looking over Sirius’s shoulder the whole time. Sirius shoved the piece of parchment in front of Remus with a triumphant smile on his face.</p><p>
  <em>Andy,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s good to hear from you, and thanks again for making it to my birthday. You can write to me whenever, though preferably not about the circle of admirers and suitors.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I appreciate your offer to comb through said suitors for me, but that’s really not necessary. You may have already guessed this, but I am actually already dating someone. Remus and I are <strike>dating in a relationship</strike> together and very much in love. I am madly in love with him. I like to think that he thinks the same. I hope that this doesn’t change anything between you and me, and if it does, that’s too bad because I’ll shout this from the Astronomy Tower anyways if I have to. I hope that you’re happy for me, though, seeing as us white sheep of the Black family need to stick together.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Say hello to Ted and Tonks for me (and for Remus, though be sure to mention that he is my lover, in case Tonks asks and even if she doesn’t).</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Love from your brilliant and extremely handsome cousin,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius</em>
</p><p><em><br/>
</em>“Aren’t you quite the wordsmith,” Remus laughed, pointing at the crossed-out words.</p><p>Sirius shrugged sheepishly. “It’s hard to explain what we are. All the other words feel kind of trite.”</p><p>“Sirius Orion Black, the poet,” Remus said with a sappy grin.</p><p>“Maybe I can be one of those chain-smoking muggle poets, you know the type. With the black turtlenecks and the glasses. Anyways, I’ll take this to the Owlery later.”</p><p>Sirius looked very pleased with himself. The two of them smiled at each other for a while, ignoring the way that the Great Hall had begun to empty out bit by bit, until Remus looked at his wristwatch and gasped.</p><p>“Class starts in like five minutes,” he groaned, scarfing down the rest of his toast and pulling his wand out of his robe pocket. “It’s the Patronus lesson today.”</p><p>Sirius pulled his hair into a bun and pushed his arms through the sleeves of his teaching robes carelessly.</p><p>“I can’t believe you figured out my Patronus change. Harry’s a snitch. Not even the golden kind. Do you have him now? You do, right? Give him my love. Tell him that I miss him even though he’s a snitch.”</p><p>“You saw him yesterday evening for a game of chess,” Remus objected. “I am certainly not giving him your love. It’ll embarrass him!”</p><p>Sirius huffed dramatically as they stepped out of the Great Hall. “That’s the whole <em>point</em>, Moony. You’re lucky I love you. Because you’re a party pooper, frankly.”</p><p>“Yes, you can tell Andromeda all about your everlasting love for yours truly,” Remus said breezily, as they hurried towards their respective classrooms. He stopped suddenly and looked at Sirius, who looked quite relaxed without any schoolbooks or briefcases in hand. “Sirius…where’s that letter that you’re going to send her?”</p><p>“Oh, I have it in my…” Sirius rummaged around in the deep pocket of his robes. Then, he searched for it again. He swore loudly and rushed back in the direction of the Great Hall. Remus waited in the corridor despite realizing that they were both about to be very late to class indeed. Sirius rushed out of the Great Hall after a moment with a wild look on his face.</p><p>“So…it’s not there.”</p><p>Remus scrubbed his hand on his face. He tried to not send up a flare of distress right then and there. Should that letter fall into the wrong hands, it would be incredibly embarrassing, not to mention potentially disastrous to his job.</p><p>“Let’s think rationally,” Remus said hopefully. “The House Elves probably swept it up when they were cleaning, and mum’s the word with all of them. They’ve kept secrets…er…as you know.”</p><p>“Right,” Sirius said, sounding a little unconvinced. Then, he brightened as he lingered around the threshold of Remus’s classroom. Remus could hear his students chattering inside. “Who would’ve been watching us that closely anyways? And anyways, say it <em>does</em> end up in the hands of the students, or something. What’s the worst that can happen?”</p><p>Remus had a sudden flash of Dumbledore kicking them out mid-year.</p><p>“Then I hope you like supporting me for the rest of your life,” Remus said grimly.</p><p>To his surprise, Sirius looked quite enthusiastic. He lowered his voice conspiratorially. “I’ve always wanted to be one of those sugar daddy types, Moony. Get a little gigolo outfit and everything. I personally feel like it’s an untapped possibility.”</p><p>Remus burst out laughing and shoved Sirius aside. “Get to class, Professor Black. You’re late.”</p><p>“Not as late as you. I told all my students last month that classes started five minutes after they actually do. I need some buffer time on a daily basis.”</p><p>“You’re incorrigible. But also, sort of brilliant. Look, class started a minute ago.”</p><p>Sirius lowered his voice to a near-whisper.</p><p>“Kiss me goodbye.”</p><p>“Here? Anyone could see,” Remus whispered furiously, looking around.</p><p>“That’s sort of the point. Let me get my kicks where I can get them, Moony.”</p><p>“My students are literally right there!”</p><p>“What, your students are going to see through a wooden door? Come here.”</p><p>As they kissed, arms wrapped around each other shamelessly, Remus noted that Sirius was right – there was something about the fear of getting caught that was actually appealing, even if it was only in the abstract.</p><p>“Class,” Remus gasped, finally breaking away after he started feeling dizzy. “Now. You, me, professors, class.”</p><p>“Wow, thank Godric you don’t teach English Language Arts, since I really scrambled your brain.”</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes, mouthed an <em>I love you</em> at him, and pushed his heavy classroom door open. He was hyper-aware of the students watching him with interest. Certainly, they had heard the sounds of his laughter outside, and perhaps even the intonations of Sirius’s voice. He didn’t want to guess what else they had heard. He tried not to let their stares bother him. The Slytherins that he had come to know quite well for all the wrong reasons – Draco Malfoy and his friends, Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle – exchanged meaningful looks with each other.</p><p>“My apologies for being late, class,” he said mildly, as he walked to the front of the classroom. He set his briefcase down on the large, wooden desk. “Wands away for now, please. Most of today’s class will be based in the theoretical framework, before a bit of a practical lesson. Now, today’s lesson is all about the Patronus Charm. Can anyone tell me…”</p><p>Hermione raised her hand immediately. “Yes, Hermione?”</p><p>“Please, sir, the Patronus Charm is a defensive spell that harnesses positive energy force to shield the witch or wizard from spells, hexes, or,” she casually looked sideways at Harry, who decidedly kept his eyes on his parchment, “Dementors.”</p><p>“Excellent as usual, Hermione,” Remus said. Hermione glowed with pleasure and sat up a bit straighter in her seat. It was a cruel and true shame, Remus thought briefly, that she and Lily Evans had never had the chance to meet.</p><p>Turning towards the chalkboards that circled the classroom, Remus launched into the history of the Patronus Charm, the etymology of the word <em>Patronus</em>, and the difference between corporeal and non-corporeal Patronuses. After making it through a good deal of history, Remus sat alongside the edge of his desk and faced his students, most of whom still looked attentive. “Now, the Patronus Charm is a very, <em>very</em> difficult spell to master. Many full-grown wizards are unable to conjure a corporeal Patronus. Ordinarily, we only teach O.W.L. and N.E.W.T. students how to produce Patronuses because of the complexity. That said,” Remus said with a smile, “I’ve been impressed with your work both last year and this year, and so I thought I’d let you all practice conjuring one yourself.”</p><p>Murmurs of excitement cropped up all over the classroom. Harry looked pleased. Seamus Finnegan looked particularly excited, and Remus tried to think of how he could possibly figure out how to conjure flames with the Patronus Charm.</p><p>“Let’s begin with the basics,” Remus said, drawing the curtains around the classroom and casting a quick spell to make them fireproof, just in case. “Does anyone know the incantation for a Patronus Charm?” Remus said, looking around the classroom and deliberately choosing to avoid Hermione’s wavering hand. Harry raised his hand shyly. “Yes, Harry?”</p><p>“Expecto Patronum,” he said clearly.</p><p>“Very good, Harry. Let’s repeat it all together,” Remus said, and the class broke out into several repetitions of the spell. “Now, can anyone tell me how exactly, you cast a Patronus?” Remus surveyed his students.</p><p>Pansy Parkinson raised her hand. “Yes, Ms. Parkinson.”</p><p>In her high, aristocratic tone, she answered: “You have to focus on a very happy memory in your life.”</p><p>“Well put, Ms. Parkinson. Now, I want everyone to think of a very, <em>very</em> happy memory.”</p><p>Draco’s drawl broke out from the middle of the classroom. “Professor, I’m having a difficult time selecting only one memory. Should I pick the day my father bought me my first racing broom, or the day that my entire family went on vacation to the Maldives? It must be so easy growing up without a family, I think. Fewer memories to pick from. I can’t even imagine.”</p><p>Ron made a very rude finger gesture at Draco, who was grinning maniacally at Harry. Remus chose to pretend not to see him.</p><p>“Pick whichever one makes you feel the happiest, Draco, and go from there. You can always try multiple memories, if you so choose,” Remus said shortly.</p><p>Draco turned to say something to Pansy, and the two of them laughed. Remus ignored them.</p><p>“Now then, let’s begin with the more practical illustration.”</p><p>He wanded away the desks to one side of the classroom, and his students milled around near the center. They all looked expectantly at him. Remus exhaled sharply and hoped against hope that his instincts were right. For a moment, he regretted not trying out his Patronus in front of Sirius. At least he would not run the risk of a wolf coming out at an inopportune moment. Remus normally chose to cast a rather impressive, nearly opaque non-corporeal Patronus, out of an abundance of caution. But something in his brain told him that he needn’t worry this time around. He trusted that voice inside his head.</p><p>Thinking of the day that James had gotten married, and remembering young Sirius’s throaty laugh during his best man speech and the way that Lily and James had spun around the dance floor with delight, Remus moved his wand around and announced, “Expecto Patronum.”</p><p>As he had expected and hoped, a large, shaggy dog spewed forth from the tip of his wand, running around the classroom as though he were playing fetch. The dog made as though to jump on Harry’s leg and then ran all the way back to Remus and looked up at him with perked-up ears. Remus smiled fondly at the ghostlike Padfoot, with the mad desire to scratch his Patronus behind the ears. His Patronus disappeared in a cloud of mist after another moment.</p><p>Dean Thomas shouted out, “Wicked, sir!”</p><p>“Thank you, Dean,” Remus smiled. “Now, remember, think of the happiest memory that you have. Keep your wand as straight as possible. Speak loudly, and clearly, and keep your expectations low. You’re trying, and that’s all that really matters. Even producing a little wisp is a huge accomplishment, and you’ll have plenty more opportunities in the upper years to learn how to produce one and practice more.”</p><p>Remus looked around his class once more. He snapped his finger suddenly.</p><p>“I almost forgot,” he said mildly, rooting through the once well-worn briefcase that Sirius had insisted on Transfiguring into a handsome, leather one. He laid out several bars of Honeydukes chocolate. “Though it is quite early, if anyone is feeling fatigued after casting or attempting to cast their own Patronus, please feel free to help yourselves. And with that, you may begin.”</p><p>Remus walked around the classroom, correcting positions in some cases and pronunciations in others. He helped Neville Longbottom off the floor after he had somehow put too much force into his words and almost blasted himself into the wall, kept Seamus from somehow setting his own tie on fire, and then watched as Hermione and Ron bickered over the correct wandwork for the spell (Hermione was correct, as Harry ultimately corrected Ron on his shoddy posture).</p><p>Remus remembered the day that the Marauders had learned to cast their Patronuses. James had been the first to produce his stag Patronus during their N.E.W.T. classes. It had not surprised Remus one bit that James could figure it out almost immediately – after all, he was swimming in happy memories from his childhood. Remus still remembered the shock on Lily’s face when she discovered that her doe perfectly matched James’s stag. She had looked embarrassed and yet, she had privately told Remus afterwards that she had suspected that this would be the case. Peter had not been able to produce a corporeal Patronus, the only one of the Marauders to fail at the task.</p><p>A handful of fourth-year students were able to produce noncorporeal Patronuses by the end of class, including Hermione and Blaise Zabini, the Slytherin. Remus awarded fifteen points to Gryffindor and ten to Slytherin, five for each student who had been able to produce a soft mist.</p><p>Finally, Remus turned to Harry with a large smile and a nod. Harry smiled back, and then drew his wand back to expel his own corporeal Patronus. The students stopped to gasp and point excitedly at the animal that emerged from Harry’s wand. It was with a mixture of profound delight and excruciating sadness that Remus locked eyes with the large-eyed, ambling stag. Then, it too disappeared in the way that Padfoot had. Harry grinned broadly as he accepted high-fives from his friends and fellow Gryffindors. Draco scowled at him quite openly.</p><p>“Fifteen points to Gryffindor, for an exceptional corporeal Patronus Charm,” Remus said, clapping his hands together.</p><p>“Please, Professor Lupin,” Hermione said, raising her hand. “Do the forms of Patronuses ever change?”</p><p>Remus felt himself going red. “Yes, Hermione, in cases of profound life changes, falling in love or losing a family member, Patronuses can change.”</p><p>“Is that quite rare, Professor?” She pressed.</p><p><em>Damn it, Hermione, just let it go</em>, Remus thought to himself.</p><p>“It’s not particularly common. Anyways, thank you all for an excellent discussion and engagement. Class dismissed.”</p><p>Remus was arranging the tables and chairs once more when he noticed that Harry had lingered in the classroom.</p><p>“Your Patronus is even stronger now than it was last year,” Remus called out, putting the last desk in place. “It’s a really fine Patronus, Harry. Really advanced.”</p><p>“Thanks for teaching it today,” Harry grinned. “Brilliant, really. I know it’s not really supposed to be on the curriculum.”</p><p>“Well, you should encourage your friends to talk to me about what they’re interested in seeing on the syllabus, too. Though I do plan in advance, there’s always room to learn about particularly interesting things,” Remus said, fixing the straps on his briefcase and heading to his office.</p><p>“Right. Right. Er, Professor Lupin? Remus?” Harry said shyly. “D’you think it’d be alright if I kept practicing with my friends? On how to produce their own Patronuses?”</p><p>Remus thought about it. “No, I can’t say that it’s a particularly dangerous idea, though I would encourage you all to eat as much chocolate as you can in case you find yourself getting weary. You can pick some up from my office, if you’d like. Why do you ask?”</p><p>Harry shrugged. “I think I’d like for Hermione and Ron and them to be able to do it. In case they run into any Dementors, or anything. Er, you never know.”</p><p>Harry had faced so many bizarre obstacles at such a young age, Remus mused. Who would have ever imagined that a teenager would have needed to learn how to produce a corporeal Patronus? He was undeniably talented at defensive work, though it was a shame that he had needed to hone his skills in such a particular way at this point in his life.</p><p>“That shouldn’t be a problem, Harry. Though I might not be keen to mention your extracurricular lessons to Professor McGonagall, unless she asks.”</p><p>“Excellent,” Harry said happily. “I’m running late, but I’ll see you and Sirius tomorrow night for Gobstones.”</p><p>As he rushed out, Remus reflected on the fact that Harry would make quite an excellent Defense Against the Dark Arts professor himself. Knowing Sirius, he’d want Harry to do something exciting like be an Auror, but he could not imagine Harry voluntarily throwing himself into the job given his involuntary exposure to darker forces than most Aurors had seen through their careers. Remus tucked this thought away and made a note to raise Harry’s career ambitions with him at some point before their career talks in fifth year.</p><p>***</p><p>The mood in the castle shifted as December arrived, bringing blustery weather and thin layers of snow that dusted the grounds with it. Suddenly, Remus was aware that it took longer to get his students’ attentions at the start at class and that homework was being submitted more and more sloppily. Even his most clever students were beginning to slack off with their work. At first, Remus was disappointed in himself, that he had clearly not explained the material well enough or was not engaging enough for them. He wondered whether he might have saved the Patronus lesson for the fourth years for later in the year, so as to not show all of his cards at once, or whether his N.E.W.T. students were too over-burdened with other work.</p><p>Sirius, who knew the students’ affairs sometimes better than the students themselves did, gave him a straight answer. They were grading papers together and lounging on a Sunday afternoon, the sounds of the Beatles (a band that Remus appreciated for their originality, and which Sirius considered far too old-school for his taste) providing a soundtrack to their conversation.</p><p>“Don’t take it personally, Moony. You’re the best professor here. And also the hottest, except for maybe McGonagall.” Sirius said, slouching down on the couch and setting his papers down on his chest.</p><p>“Oh, you’re just flattering me,” Remus said, rolling his eyes.</p><p>“Not at all. I may be hot for teacher but it definitely doesn’t cloud my judgment,” Sirius said with a grin. “They’re not paying attention to me either, and I turned half the Slytherins’ hair green just because. I thought at the very least that would be entertaining, but <em>no</em>, everyone’s all caught up in their own issues and teenaged angst and whatnot. Mainly, everyone’s talking about the Durmstrang and Beauxbatons students coming.”</p><p>“Right,” Remus said, remembering suddenly that the last faculty meeting had discussed their arrival on the eleventh of the month, just a week away. They would be staying through the holidays and leaving at the beginning of the New Year.</p><p>“And more importantly, they’re <em>all</em> talking about the Yule Ball,” Sirius said eagerly. “Apparently the Weird Sisters are performing.”</p><p>Remus could not recall whether the Weird Sisters were good or not. Having been raised by a muggle mother, mostly in the muggle world, and then having spent so long in the muggle world after graduating from Hogwarts, he was out of touch with most wizarding music. “Is that the one with the pretty good-looking bassist? Long hair, lots of tattoos?”</p><p>“I think you’re describing me, Moony. And for the record, I never played the bass. I think that was you, wasn’t it?”</p><p>Remus snickered, remembering the ill-fated attempt on James’s part to turn the Marauders into a band to back him up during his efforts to woo Evans in fifth year. Remus still remembered the look of horror on Lily’s face as James had serenaded her in the Great Hall, belting out <em>Your Song</em> at the top of his lungs, Peter diligently playing the piano behind him, Remus handling the bass awkwardly, and Sirius singing back-up vocals that almost drowned out James’s screeches.</p><p>“That was a mess,” Remus reflected. “Prongs really was a right idiot for Lily.”</p><p>“It was a glorious time, though,” Sirius said dreamily. “She hexed him right into Greenhouse Four, Evans did.”</p><p>“I still don’t really understand what the point of inviting the Beauxbatons and Durmstrang students to come just for the Yule Ball is,” Remus sighed, propping his feet on Sirius’s lap. “I’m sure Dumbledore has some sort of reason behind it that will come to light <em>eventually</em>, but I just don’t see it.”</p><p>“Well, you know what he’s like, we’ll probably figure out the truth fifteen years from now,” Sirius said irritably. After their heated discussion in October, Sirius had attempted to avoid Dumbledore as much as possible, even sitting deliberately at the back of the room during faculty meetings so as to not have to make eye contact with the man. He changed the record with a violent swish of his wand that almost sent the <em>Abbey Road</em> vinyl rolling across the floor. The sounds of Queen’s <em>Death on Two Legs</em> grumbled from the record player after a moment.</p><p>Remus tried for a different angle. “At least the Yule Ball should be interesting. Shall we try to sneak some photos of Harry? I know we have to chaperone, but we should get something out of this, for some photobook that we’ll have of him, someday.”</p><p>Sirius grinned, lifted abruptly out of the foul mood he fell into whenever Dumbledore came up in conversation. “I personally will pay that little Gryffindor kid with the camera…what’s his name, Creevey? Colin, or Dennis, I forget which of the two of them. I’ll pay him ten galleons to follow Harry around for the night and take pictures just to annoy him. I wonder who he’s going to take with him, anyways.”</p><p>Remus waved a hand dismissively. “He’ll probably go with Ron and Hermione. I don’t know if students are actually taking dates for this.”</p><p>Sirius waggled his eyebrows suggestively. “Au contraire, Monsieur Moony. I have it on the finest intelligence that the dating market is starting off in full force to get partnered up for the Yule Ball.”</p><p>“Thanks for that insight, Rita Skeeter. So what’s the news?”</p><p>“Apparently everyone wants to catch the eye of that Hufflepuff, Cedric Diggory, but he has his eyes on Cho Chang from Ravenclaw.”</p><p>Remus tilted his head back on the armchair and laughed. Sirius’s incorrigible love of gossip had only multiplied over the last few years. “That’s a shame. I think Harry fancies her, though don’t mention it to him. I’m serious, he’ll get shy. Who told you about Mr. Diggory and Ms. Chang?”</p><p>Sirius grinned and stretched out on his couch. His shirt rode up, showing that the moon was currently in its waxing crescent phase. “I overheard Alicia Spinnet talking about it. She was only mildly disappointed, though. I think George Weasley is trying to ask her out.”</p><p>“And did Alicia tell you that too?” Remus said, grinning broadly.</p><p>Sirius shook his head fervently. “Nah, I overheard the Weasley twins talking about it with those long ear things I bought from Zonko’s.”</p><p>Remus slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand. “You can’t eavesdrop on your students!”</p><p>Sirius rolled his eyes at the sound of Remus’s concerned voice. “If I <em>hadn’t</em> eavesdropped on them, I never would have found out that they were planning a particularly bad prank on me, featuring a rather nasty Howler. I swear, the day that they find out I helped write the Marauder’s Map, they are going to throw themselves to the floor and prostrate themselves.”</p><p>“They will find out no such thing, lest they start putting the pieces together and figure out that their Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor–”</p><p>“–was a mad genius at the age of sixteen? I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t want the infamy, Moony.”</p><p>Remus looked at Sirius with a mixture of annoyance and awe. It did not surprise him that Sirius still acted like a teenager sometimes, even at thirty-five, but the utter lack of self-consciousness with which he boasted about his pranking endeavors never ceased to amaze him.</p><p>“So anyways,” Sirius said nonchalantly, looking down at his short, polished fingernails. He had enlisted Remus’s steady hands to paint them black earlier that week. In doing so, he had inadvertently set off a trend around the castle, as students of all genders had begun painting their nails plum, metallic grey, and black. On Friday, Remus had had to take a point off Hufflepuff, as Hannah Abbott had been trying to surreptitiously paint her nails midnight blue during class. “Do you want to be my date to the Yule Ball?”</p><p>“Very funny,” Remus said lightly, sitting up straight on the couch and stretching his arms up. Sirius immediately re-positioned himself so that he could put his head on Remus’s lap. Remus looked down to him and affectionately began running his hands through Sirius’s long, dark hair. He had refused to cut it over the last few months, and it was growing dangerously close to shoulder-length.</p><p>“I’m being serious,” Sirius said earnestly, looking up at Remus with lively, flickering grey eyes.</p><p>“Well, but you can’t be,” Remus sighed, putting his hands on Sirius’s high cheekbones. “I don’t even know if we’re allowed to <em>be</em> together, and even if we were, I can’t imagine Dumbledore would be thrilled about us going to this event together when we’re supposed to be watching over the students.” </p><p>“Oh, fuck Dumbledore, he’s useless,” Sirius said icily. “I don’t care.”</p><p>“But I do,” Remus said quietly. “I like my job, Sirius, and I don’t exactly fancy getting fired from this place.”</p><p>“I told you about being a sugar daddy, I meant it and –”</p><p>Remus winced. “I really don’t want to live off you like that, or take advantage of you.”</p><p>Sirius winked slyly at him. “You can take advantage of me any way that you’d like. But the point still stands. Be my date, come on. I heard that Charity Burbage is bringing a date.”</p><p>“Really?” Remus asked. He was almost completely disconnected from most of the teachers and their separate pools of gossip. “Who?”</p><p>Sirius gave him a scandalized look. “Some bloke she met at Diagon Alley over the summer. He does something for Gringotts – she got all pissy when I asked if he was a goblin though, so don’t ask. Apparently they’ve been <em>pen pals</em> the whole time, and she wants to bring him to Yule Ball. I don’t even know if she’s going to ask Dumbledore for permission, and that’s a whole stranger! You’re right here! A very respectable Yule Ball date. Handsome, smart, talented, the sort of fellow I would’ve brought home to my theoretical mother, had she not been a bigoted cow.”</p><p>Remus’s cheeks flushed pink. “You’re too nice to me, you know. But the point still stands in that I can’t be your date to the Yule Ball, seeing as we’re both professors and our students aren’t supposed to know we’re dating. Also…you realize we’re two men, right?”</p><p>“What about it? We dated in school and people were fine with it.”</p><p>Remus thought Sirius was being quite rich about it. While their friends had almost immediately warmed up to the idea of the two of them in a relationship, and many of the Gryffindors were willing to accept just about anything from the charismatic, entertaining Sirius Black and the kind, thoughtful Remus Lupin, it was not as though they had escaped completely unscathed. Sirius would be mad to think otherwise. He remembered James hexing some people who had gotten a little too boisterous with their taunts, Peter breaking up with a particularly close-minded Ravenclaw girl who had made pointed comments, Marlene throwing a few punches out and McGonagall finding some excuse to not give her detentions, a few names that Remus had been called by a group of jeering Slytherins that he had pretended to ignore as he walked through the grounds (Lily, whom he had been walking with, had refused to avoid them and instead had sent a Bat-Bogey Hex flying their way).</p><p>“That’s not quite right.”</p><p>“So people are a little close-minded. That’s fine, we can call them out on it.”</p><p>“Even if we’re going to break all the taboos, that doesn’t take away from the fact that we’re professors, and not students anymore.”</p><p>“But a nice little waltz, you and me, matching boutonnieres, pre-drinking, the whole nine yards? Picture it.”</p><p>Though he knew he was teetering on the brink of being maudlin, Remus <em>could</em> imagine it. While he loved the quiet and private routines that he and Sirius had built together during their time at Hogwarts, some part of him wanted to shake up the world until it swam in a sea of colors and be as loud, free, and open as he could be. Yes, he wanted to wear dress robes that Sirius would probably fix with his meticulous Tailoring Charms. He wanted to see the looks on the faces of the students when they walked into the Great Hall together, arm in arm, or hand in hand. He wanted to dance with Sirius to the loud and probably strange music of the Weird Sisters and then come back home and waltz off-beat to their records. He wanted to take a photograph with Ron and Hermione and Harry that they would be able to put up at Grimmauld Place. He wanted to make awkward small talk with Charity Burbage’s Gringotts date and introduce Sirius as his significant other. But then, he thought of Snape’s disgusted looks, or the students whispering viciously, or Dumbledore calling them into his office to demand an explanation, and all those visions faded into black.</p><p>“Come off it. No.”</p><p>“Let’s be brave. True Gryffindors and all that, courageous at heart, all of that.”</p><p>“Brave doesn’t mean stupid,” Remus said stubbornly.</p><p>Sirius sat up suddenly and turned so he was facing Remus. “I think I know what you’re doing.”</p><p>“And what is that?” Remus asked, as Sirius leaned in. He was close enough that Remus could count the eyelashes framing his eyes. He wanted to snog him senseless, pitch his rationality to the wind, and shout out of the Astronomy Tower that he loved him.</p><p>“You’re trying to bring some other date, aren’t you? Break my heart.”</p><p>The idea was so patently ridiculous that Remus snorted. Sensing that he was getting a rise out of Remus, Sirius continued.</p><p>“Or maybe you’re just playing hard to get. I think this calls for a little bit of Sirius Black charm work. Let the magic rip.”</p><p>“Love potions are illegal,” Remus reminded him patiently. “Also, I’m already in love with you, so I don’t actually think that would be helpful at all.”</p><p>“Yes, I’m mad for you too,” Sirius said, and then immediately broke off into another train of thought. “So maybe what you want is a bit more of a romantic proposal to the Yule Ball. You want to be courted.”</p><p>Remus choked. “<em>No</em>, that is <em>definitely not</em> what I was aiming for in the least. Don’t you dare. You’ll get us both fired.”</p><p>“And again, if that happens, I’d gladly support you. I’ve always wanted…”</p><p>“Don’t you say it.”</p><p>“I’ll be smooth about it, don’t you worry.”</p><p>“This doesn’t sound like the greatest idea, Sirius.”</p><p>Sirius continued to ignore him, jumping up from the couch and beginning to hum along with the music as he returned to his papers. Remus was quite afraid as to what sort of ideas Sirius would come up with in the name of being romantic, if he was actually planning to set his mind to it. He thought longingly of his placid, tranquil November. If Sirius had anything to say about it, his December would almost certainly be a whirlpool of chaos.</p><p>
  
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  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>Sirius was shockingly quiet for the rest of the day about asking Remus to go with him to the Yule Ball. He seemed more interested in speculating on which of his students would ask each other and trying to figure out whether he could get away with asking Harry for the particularly juicy bits of gossip. As a result, Remus was almost optimistic that this had been one of Sirius’s hare-brained ideas that he would quickly forget. This hope lasted until Monday afternoon, when Remus was interrupted from a lecture on differentiating banshees from similar screeching creatures by a quick knock on the classroom door.</p><p>“Yes, come in,” Remus called out, with a puzzled expression on his face. A Gryffindor third-year, Colin Creevey, walked in with a tentative smile on his face.</p><p>“Apologies, Professor.”</p><p>“Yes, what is it, Colin?” Remus asked. He felt rather caught off-guard.</p><p>“A note from Professor Black, sir,” Colin said, handing him the rolled-up piece of parchment.</p><p>Remus blinked at him. “A what?”</p><p>“A…note, sir,” Colin said, handing him the parchment awkwardly. He turned slightly away from the class.</p><p>Remus looked down at the blank slip of paper and then up at Colin, who was watching Remus’s face. Turning fully away from his students and from Colin’s prying look, Remus quietly pointed his wand at the paper and whispered a quick revealing charm at it. The words popped up elegantly, the cursive winding around the parchment paper as though it had been stamped on. Remus saw the first word and started feeling very warm.</p><p>
  <em>Moony, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Be mine? For the Yule Ball or forever, either works. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Forever and always,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Padfoot</em>
</p><p>Remus was really blushing now, he realized. He felt as though the weather outside had changed from insistent sleet to a sudden sunshine that stubbornly was aimed right at him. He furiously concealed the words on the paper with a flick of his wand and managed a polite, tight nod at Colin. Colin lingered by awkwardly.</p><p>“Is there something else, Colin?” Remus asked, trying to channel his best attempts at patience.</p><p>“Er, Professor Black asked me to wait by until you gave him an answer, sir.”</p><p>Remus sighed. With a flourish, he pulled a quill out of his pocket and pressed into the parchment so hard, it felt as though the tip might crack. His words were bold and inky.</p><p>
  <em>Professor Black,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Happy to lend you Confronting the Faceless. Please stop by my office after the last class of the day.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sincerely,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Professor Lupin</em>
</p><p>He folded the note carefully and handed it back to Colin. By some miracle, he was able to get through the rest of the lesson unscathed, though he caught Angelina and Alicia whispering madly right as class ended. He prayed to Merlin that they were talking about Fred and George Weasley, and the upcoming dates for the Yule Ball.</p><p>Sirius showed up at his office a quarter of an hour after the final bell rang. He looked outrageously pleased with himself as he sauntered in and lounged across one of Remus’s chairs. Remus looked up with some annoyance.</p><p>“I’m here to pick up my book, <em>Professor Lupin</em>,” Sirius said with a wolfish smile. “Did you like my letter?”</p><p>Remus frowned at him. “Very funny, with your invisible ink. Tell me, what would you have done if Colin had decided to reveal the note and tell everyone?”</p><p>Sirius shrugged carelessly. “Then he would have gotten ten points for good use of the Aparecium Charm. What’s the problem with that? It’s called enthusiasm for learning.”</p><p>“Did you just pull a random student out of class to tell him to deliver a note?”</p><p>“Oh, it was more interesting than what we were learning in class anyways. McGonagall caught me in the corridor last week and told me I have to add more <em>theoretical framing</em> to the class under the Ministry standards. I told her that she didn’t have to come up with such elaborate excuses if she wanted to talk to me.”</p><p>Remus managed a half-smile. Sirius was leaning across the desk, propping his elbows up on it and holding his face in his hands.</p><p>“So what were you teaching them?”</p><p>“Charms,” Sirius said lightly.</p><p>“What kind of charms?”</p><p>“I was teaching them how to charm their incredibly good-looking killjoy Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor. Next question, Moony. Or even better, can I have an answer?”</p><p>Remus slid the hardcover book across his desk. “Yes, the answer is that you can borrow this book as many times as you’d like. I have several copies, after all.”</p><p>“You’re starting to make me think that maybe you don’t want to be my date to the Yule Ball.”</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus groaned, putting his head in his hands and running his hands through his slightly-tousled curls. “Please. We’ve been over this before.”</p><p>“I’ll try to coax you into it somehow,” Sirius said with a lilting voice that was simultaneously irresistible and incredibly annoying. He pulled out a stack of papers.</p><p>“Please don’t.”</p><p>“Can you believe this?” He complained, spreading the paperwork out on Remus’s desk. “I have to read more of their homework than ever, thanks to McGonagall’s funny ideas about proper classroom etiquette and Ministry guidelines. I’d almost rather read your boring book, honestly.”</p><p>Remus ignored him pointedly for the rest of the afternoon.</p><p>*</p><p>On Tuesday, Remus walked into his office after class was over to find Sirius waiting for him with a picnic of biscuits, scones, and tea.</p><p>“Oh good,” Remus said gratefully, plucking a blackcurrant scone out of the picnic basket. “I’m starving. Had to miss lunch because I had to meet with one of my students. Turns out, she has an estranged uncle who’s a vampire and she wants to integrate him back into the whole family.”</p><p>Sirius’s ears perked up. “Who has an uncle who’s a vampire?”</p><p>Remus huffed and sat down on one of the large, velvet poufs that Sirius had transfigured out of Remus’s hard-backed, uncomfortable wooden chairs. He rubbed at his temples – a headache had started to build behind his eyes, almost certainly a result of his poor eating schedule. “Well I can’t tell you that, she swore me to secrecy.”</p><p>Sirius poured him a cup of tea and flicked his wand lazily to stir in a cube of sugar. “Can I just say that I tell <em>you</em> everything that my students do, and that you’re being woefully unfair about the whole thing?”</p><p>Remus sipped on his tea. “Yes, you can say it. Doesn’t mean I’m going to tell you though.” He stuck his tongue out at Sirius childishly. Sirius threw a piece of rolled-up parchment at him.</p><p>“I had Harry for class today. He’s pretty decent at the Summoning Charm, you know.” Sirius stuffed a whole biscuit into his mouth.</p><p>“Harry’s very talented,” Remus said proudly.</p><p>“He is,” Sirius said excitedly. “Smarter than Prongs, even. He really could do anything. Professional Quidditch player, Auror, Department of Magical Law Enforcement –”</p><p>“I think Harry would really enjoy being a professor,” Remus offered.</p><p>“A <em>professor</em>?” Sirius scoffed. “I’m sorry, my godson, your nephew, James Potter’s son, is not going to grow up to be a prat.”</p><p>“You realize we are both…professors, right?”</p><p>“Well, you’re not so much a prat, just a bit. But in a very, very sexy way. And this is my temporary job until you let me make an honest man out of you. You can be my trophy husband or something brilliant like that. Bake some cookies.”</p><p>“You know very well I’m rubbish at baking.”</p><p>Remus had a sudden, vivid memory of accidentally setting the smoke alarm off one Christmas when he had tried to bake a Yule log to bring to Lily and James’s house. They had ended up stopping by Sainsbury’s to buy muggle sweets instead, and James had roared with laughter as Sirius had imitated Remus standing up on a chair trying frantically to wave the smoke away from the incessantly beeping alarm. It had been Harry’s first Christmas.</p><p>“The point still stands. So, do you want to be my date to the Yule Ball or not?”</p><p>Once more, Remus turned Sirius down.</p><p>“I love you, for the love of Merlin, but we can’t go together!” He said furiously. “We are <em>professors</em>. We aren’t sixteen anymore.”</p><p>“And thank Godric for that,” Sirius said with a sigh. “I still think you’re just playing hard to get with me. But don’t worry, I’ll get you somehow.”</p><p>Remus took a large, annoyed bite out of a white chocolate and raspberry scone. It really was quite tasty.</p><p>*</p><p>Very early on Wednesday morning, Remus and Padfoot went for a walk upon Sirius’s insistence. Though most of the castle was quiet and dark at dawn, they ran into Hagrid just as they were leaving the castle. Hagrid was heaving an enormous Christmas tree over his shoulder, which he set to lean against the castle wall to wave excitedly at Remus.</p><p>“Mornin’, Professor Lupin,” Hagrid said cheerily, petting Padfoot on the head rather firmly with his large hands. “I didn’t know yeh had a dog!”</p><p>“Oh yes,” Remus said mildly. “He’s very well-trained. Most of the time, anyways.”</p><p>Hagrid crouched down to be able to make eye contact with Padfoot. He stared back at Hagrid with cold, unblinking grey eyes. Remus fought back a laugh.</p><p>“When’d yeh get him?” Hagrid asked, continuing to pet Padfoot heavily.</p><p>“Oh, you know, over the summer,” Remus said, hemming and hawing.</p><p>“Ah, I see. Must have been hard, livin’ with Sirius again over the summer. Professor McGonagall mentioned it to me,” Hagrid said, shaking his head. “I spent some time in Azkaban two years ago. Horrible, nasty place. Surprised he came back to be a teacher here, or that they let ‘im. Sirius looks okay though, I reckon, all things considered. Though yeh never really know, do yeh? Course, I trust Dumbledore with my life, so if he thinks he’s alright, must be.”</p><p>Remus smiled uneasily at him and tightened the grey scarf around his neck. Padfoot let out a high-pitched whine.</p><p>“Looks like I have to take my, um, dog out. Nice seeing you, Hagrid,” Remus said, walking quickly out of the castle and towards the edges of the grounds. Padfoot was very quiet, and all Remus could hear was the sound of his own boots crunching in the frosted grass.</p><p>“Want to play fetch?” Remus offered.</p><p>Sirius transformed back into himself behind a tree and emerged with a cross look on his face. “Do you think the rest of the staff spends time wondering if I’m all messed up in the head after Azkaban? Or is it just Hagrid?”</p><p>“Probably not,” Remus said gently, taking Sirius’s hand. Sirius let his hand rest limply in Remus’s. “If they ever had a conversation with you before Azkaban, they’d know you were all funny in the head even then.”</p><p>“It’s not a joke,” Sirius said sullenly.</p><p>“I know it’s not,” Remus admitted. “I’m sorry. What Hagrid said came out of a place of…misplaced efforts at understanding and empathy? I mean, you heard him. He spent time in Azkaban too. Though I’m not really sure for what.”</p><p>“He didn’t need to talk about it with you, bloody gossip,” Sirius said angrily.</p><p>“Give him the benefit of the doubt, Padfoot.”</p><p>“No one ever gave <em>me</em> the benefit of the doubt.”</p><p>“That’s false,” Remus said coolly. “I always gave you the benefit of the doubt. And mind you, so did Harry, even though he did try to sock you at first.”</p><p>They were quiet for a moment.</p><p>“They thought he opened the Chamber of Secrets in Harry’s second year,” Sirius said finally, kicking at a rock with the tip of his boot. “That’s why Hagrid went off to Azkaban.”</p><p>Remus shook his head slowly. “It’s mad, letting anyone live in this castle. At least the muggles have safety standards.”</p><p>They walked into the fringes of the Forbidden Forest. Remus was reluctant to remind Sirius that they technically were not supposed to be in the Forest, though they had done so at the full moon dozens of times in their younger and more vulnerable years.</p><p>“Do you think I’m a good teacher?” Sirius asked suddenly.</p><p>“Your students adore you, Charmwork has been pretty solid around the board for all the grades, and though you have an unconventional teaching method for sure, you’re ticking off all the boxes on Flitwick’s proposed curriculum,” Remus replied. “So that’s a yes.”</p><p>Sirius pressed onwards. “And do you think I’ve gone mad? Be honest.”</p><p>Remus met Sirius’s pleading grey eyes. They were almost the same color as the metallic sky above them, and were ringed with a tiredness that Remus had not noticed earlier that morning.</p><p>“Absolutely not. But even if you had, I would love you anyways.”</p><p>“You’re just saying that,” Sirius said moodily. He tossed his hair back.</p><p>Remus sighed.</p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?” Remus asked.</p><p>“Not particularly.”</p><p>“You’re allowed to talk about your time there, if you want, you know,” Remus said. “You don’t have to be a stubborn git about it.”</p><p>“What is there to say?” Sirius asked. “Hagrid’s right – it’s a horrible place. Why would I want to think about it?”</p><p>“So it’s not just hovering over your shoulder all the time?”</p><p>“But it’s not,” Sirius said doggedly. “Let’s drop it. I’m sorry to ruin the mood, Moony. Fetch, yeah?”</p><p>“You know you’re not ruining the mood, Sirius, but you know that–”</p><p>Choosing to end the conversation on his own terms, Sirius transformed into Padfoot and jumped eagerly into a pile of snow. Remus followed him, thinking about Sirius and how the weight of Azkaban was still heavy on his chest. It had been more than a year since he had escaped from prison and just under six months since he had officially been decreed a free man. Remus did not want to force Sirius to talk about it – after all, how many times had Remus refused to talk about Fenrir Greyback and the bite that had changed his life forevermore? Sirius, James, and yes, even Peter, had taken the incredible step of becoming Animagi to make Remus’s life easier without demanding payment in the form of explaining his trauma, a gift that he would never be able to pay back. No, he would grant Sirius the benefit of the doubt once more, and hope that one day he would tip over gently and pour out every bit of pain. When he did, Remus would be there to listen and hold his hand through it.</p><p>Love – that miserable, magical thing – was not just the birthday parties and the dinnertime conversations and the family portraits hanging up in Sirius’s living quarters. This too was love, he thought as he walked a few steps behind Padfoot. Remus looked at his watch after a few minutes.</p><p>“We have early morning classes, Sirius, we should go. Also, I’m freezing my arse off,” he said, sticking his hands back in his pockets.</p><p>Padfoot shook his head.</p><p>“Oh yeah? How am I going to explain this to Dumbledore?”</p><p>Padfoot growled and continued trotting westward.</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus huffed, “where are we going?”</p><p>With his nose still covered in snow, Padfoot led Remus over to a large tree on the fringe of the grounds. He tried to jump up to a lower branch, and Remus’s eye was drawn to the thick trunk. The bark had been carved out jaggedly to read: <em>Yule Ball</em>?</p><p>Remus looked down at Padfoot. One of his floppy ears was perked up, and the other was folded downwards. He barked excitedly at Remus, and wagged his tail in delight. Remus scratched Padfoot enthusiastically behind the ears, but gave him a stern, albeit gentle <em>no</em>. Padfoot whined the whole way back to the castle.</p><p>*</p><p>When Remus stepped into his classroom on Thursday morning, he not only faced a room full of Gryffindors and Slytherins, but also what seemed like half the chocolate stash of Honeydukes crowded on top of his desk in a truly fantastic pyramid.</p><p>Harry looked at Remus curiously. Remus avoided his eyes deliberately.</p><p>“Er, Professor Lupin,” Dean Thomas said. “You have something on your desk.”</p><p>“Yes, thank you, Dean,” Remus said kindly.</p><p>“I bet you he didn’t buy it,” Draco Malfoy stage-whispered scathingly. “Would have taken up his whole salary.”</p><p>Remus clapped his hands together with some emphasis.</p><p>“Back to the topic at hand – let’s finish up a review of the Patronus Charm before moving onto our chapter on additional Dark Creatures,” he said. “And please, on your way out, help yourselves to as much chocolate as you’d like.”</p><p>After the double class ended and the bell rang out, and after the students helped themselves to what seemed like a never-ending pile of chocolates, Harry lingered around.</p><p>“What’s all this, then?” Harry asked.</p><p>“Oh, Sirius being…Sirius,” Remus said, tucking his notes back into his briefcase.</p><p>“Er, is it your birthday?” Harry asked, looking alarmed.</p><p>Remus smiled. “No, my birthday is in March.”</p><p>Harry looked relieved.</p><p>“So, then why all the chocolates?”</p><p>Remus sighed loudly and ran his hand over his face. “He wants me to go with him to Yule Ball.”</p><p>Harry cocked his head to the side and raked his fingers through his messy, dark hair. “But…aren’t you going together anyways? As chaperones? Don’t all the teachers sort of have to go together?”</p><p>“Yes, but he wants to <em>go together</em>. You know…as a…couple.”</p><p>“Oh.” Harry looked thoughtful. “I mean, you could.”</p><p>“I’m not sure that as professors, we’re supposed to express any sort of emotions or date in any meaningful capacity. And there is the whole fact that we are not…a conventional couple.”</p><p>“But Remus,” Harry protested in a low voice, “no one even <em>knows</em> you’re a werewolf.”</p><p>Remus blinked at him. “Harry, I was talking about the fact that we’re both men.”</p><p>“Oh yeah. So there are some gits out there that are less than open-minded, but I’d fight anyone who opened their mouth. Ron and Hermione too – Hermione’s loads better than me at some jinxes.”</p><p>Remus looked affectionately at the indignant, heated look on Harry’s face. “While I appreciate you standing up for us, that won’t be necessary. It is our professional responsibility, and all that.” He hesitated. “Er, Harry?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Are you taking anyone to the Yule Ball?”</p><p>Harry looked down at the cobbled floor. “I asked Cho Chang but she’s going with Cedric Diggory. It’s fine, really.”</p><p>Remus smiled sympathetically at him. “It’s okay if it stings a little. It’ll get easier.”</p><p>He remembered the brief periods when Sirius had dated Mary Macdonald and then Marlene McKinnon in fourth and fifth years.</p><p>“Yeah,” Harry said, not sounding particularly enthused. “So Ron and Hermione and I are all going together, I think.”</p><p>“You’ll have a great time,” Remus said encouragingly.</p><p>Harry mustered up a half-hearted smile and then dashed off to lunch.</p><p>Sirius showed up ten minutes after Harry left the classroom. He had a delighted grin pasted on his face. Remus thanked him sincerely for the chocolates before reminding him that he still could not be his date to the Yule Ball. They packed up the chocolate bars, charming them so that they would be small enough to fit in Remus’s briefcase. Sirius and Remus headed out of the room and towards Remus’s office, bickering about Remus’s refusal to say yes, when they stumbled headlong into Severus Snape, shrouded in his billowing black robes.</p><p>“Godric, all that grease must make it easy to sneak up on people,” Sirius said loudly. “Out of the way, Snivellus. We’re busy.”</p><p>“Ah, yes,” Snape said softly, “Lupin and Black. The dream team. Pity that Potter isn’t here to join you – either one.”</p><p>“Do you need something, Severus?” Remus asked, racking his mind to see if it was time for the Wolfsbane Potion and coming up with nothing.</p><p>“I was hoping to run into you,” he said, with glittering black eyes. They reminded Remus of beetles. “Though I believe that it is you who will need something from me.”</p><p>“Doubt it,” Sirius said carelessly.</p><p>Despite Sirius’s offhand tone, Remus felt his heart lurch at the malicious look on Severus’s face. “Why don’t we talk in my office?” Remus asked tightly, pointing at the door a bit away, and the three of them stepped inside.</p><p>“What do you want?” Sirius asked, looking bored and resentful.</p><p>“It seems there are rumors abounding about a…secret admirer of yours, Lupin,” Snape said vindictively. “I hear things in the dungeons. Speculation, if you will.”</p><p>“Remus is extremely popular,” Sirius said lightly. “Over the summer, he was very suave, charming everyone we ran into. I’m pretty sure one of them tried to break into my house.”</p><p>“That sounds like quite the fabrication, Black,” Snape said slowly.</p><p>“Listen, Snivellus. Just because you’ve never been privy to human love doesn’t mean other people aren’t.”</p><p>Remus shot Sirius a look. Sirius looked back innocently.</p><p>“You might remember that it is generally against Hogwarts policies for professors to date. As you are both new due to your decade-long stints in prison and time spent…wandering around the muggle world penniless, respectively, I thought it necessary to remind you.”</p><p>“Yes,” Remus said flatly. “Thanks for that reminder, Severus.”</p><p>“And I imagine that the policy is particularly <em>ruthless</em> to professors who deign to date one another,” Severus continued silkily. “Especially those who engage in acts of gross indecency.”</p><p>“Is this your way of asking Remus out on a date?” Sirius called out.</p><p>“I would never seek out the companionship of Dark Creatures,” Snape snarled.</p><p>“Watch your mouth, you piece of shite,” Sirius said, jumping up from a chair. “Say that again.”</p><p>“You might want to hold your tongue, Black, as I seem to have discovered a piece of parchment that once belonged to you, and it would be in your best interest if this did not come to light.”</p><p>
  <em>Oh. Fuck.</em>
</p><p>Sirius looked momentarily baffled, then horrified. Snape gently unfolded a piece of paper from his pocket and began reading out Sirius’s letter to Andromeda in a dark, mocking tone that made every word of Sirius’s sound unpleasant.</p><p>“How very sweet,” Snape finished, putting the paper back in his pocket. “I can’t imagine Dumbledore might feel the same way, should this letter be released to all of the students. Perhaps he might have been willing to put up with an ex-convict and a werewolf, but to have them sleeping with each other? Disgusting.”</p><p>Remus felt as though all of the breath had been torn out of him.</p><p>Sirius rushed up to Snape with a cold look on his face. He stuck his wand out. “Give me that letter back or I’ll hex you into next Tuesday.”</p><p>“You will do no such thing,” Snape said, pulling out his wand threateningly. “And if you step any closer or try to harm me, I will personally call animal welfare on both you and your <em>boyfriend</em>. An Animagus and an unregistered werewolf. How poetic, indeed. How was Azkaban, Black? Fancy going back for a stint? Maybe you and Lupin can share a cell.”</p><p>The color drained out of Sirius’s face.</p><p>“Why are you being so cruel?” Remus asked hoarsely.</p><p>“Because I think it’s about time that we all be forced to live under the same rules. And both of you have gotten away with breaking far too many of them in the past. Now, I think there is no real reason for the Headmaster to be involved at this point in time. But perhaps this will keep you both in check for the foreseeable future,” Snape said.</p><p>Remus had never felt a greater urge to spit on anyone in their entire life.</p><p>“Get. Out.” Sirius said, with a murderous look on his face.</p><p>Snape turned on his heel. Remus collapsed into a chair and buried his face in his hands. He felt as though he were at once breathing very shallowly and too deeply for his lungs to handle. Sirius gently rubbed his back.</p><p>“Moony? Are you okay? Hey, hey, hey, look at me.”</p><p>Sirius gently tilted Remus’s chin up with the back of his hand and searched his face. Remus felt dizzy and feverish, and had the strong urge to run to the Hospital Wing and collapse in Madam Pomfrey’s capable, competent arms.</p><p>“I’m going to get fired, aren’t I?” Remus asked Sirius weakly.</p><p>“Not on my watch,” Sirius responded zealously. “You know I don’t particularly care about my job, one way or another, as long as the students are enjoying themselves and learning, I guess. But I do care about you being happy, and I know being here makes you happy. I’ll bugger off with all the grandiose gestures for a while, don’t worry.”</p><p>Sirius wrapped his arms around him. Remus buried his face in the crook of Sirius’s elbow.</p><p>“I wish I could be braver sometimes,” Remus said bitterly. “Fucking Snape.”</p><p>“Remus, you are one of the bravest people I have ever met. Don’t you dare say things that you’ll regret later on,” Sirius said, kissing him on the top of the head.</p><p>“I wish, so badly, that we could just go to the Yule Ball together, hold hands, snog on the dance floor, do whatever we wanted,” Remus said quietly.</p><p>Sirius paused for a moment and then mustered up some cheer. “Maybe one day we will.”</p><p>“Maybe,” Remus said miserably, as Sirius stroked his hair.</p><p>“And at least we get to go together as chaperones, right? We can still have a drink together beforehand, spy on Harry during it, and everything good. And even better,” he said, lowering his voice wickedly, “we get to come back home to each other afterwards. And I’m going to do things to you that would make Snivellus tear his greasy hair out.”</p><p>***</p><p>The Beauxbatons and Durmstrang contingents joined the students of Hogwarts with a long ceremony that involved choreographed dance moves and long speeches from Madame Maxine, the headmistress of Beauxbatons, and Igor Karkaroff, a the headmaster of Durmstrang – a man that Sirius recognized from Azkaban. Most excitingly, Viktor Krum, the Bulgarian Seeker whom Harry and Ron had glorified over the summer, was among the Durmstrang students who had come to join them for a few weeks. Remus saw Viktor a few times in the library in the days after the opening banquet, looking serious and not reading any books, being doggedly pursued by a gaggle of very giggly young women. During one trip to the library, Remus ran into Harry and Ron concealed underneath the Invisibility Cloak, spying on Krum and trying to rack up the courage to ask for his autograph.</p><p>The castle was aflutter with gossip and with the spirit of the Christmas as the Yule Ball approached. By the time that Remus woke up on the morning of the nineteenth, the day after the full moon, he had just about given up trying to teach his students anything meaningful. Trying to get any information to his students was impossible when they were so heavily focused on dates, dresses, and interactions with the Durmstrang and Beauxbatons students. He was surprised at the speed with which the students got to know each other in intimate ways, and the explosion of physical affection he saw at Hogwarts. Right before the start of the Christmas holidays, he caught Fleur Delacour, one of the students of Beauxbatons, in the arms of Roger Davies, one of his N.E.W.T. students, in the corridors. He was not sure whether he or Roger had been more embarrassed about it.</p><p>In a childish way, he was jealous of his students being able to snog freely around the castle. The conversation with Snape breathed down Remus’s neck even as he attempted to throw himself into the merriments of the Christmas holidays, decorating both his and Sirius’s living quarters, and planning for Harry’s presents (Remus had to remind Sirius that no, Harry did not need a new Firebolt, seeing as his own was scarcely a year old). Should Snape feel the need to show the letter to Dumbledore or hand it off to a student – say, Draco Malfoy – Remus would have to pack up his bags and leave. Sirius, true to his word, had backed away from testing the waters of publicity. Remus was grateful that Sirius had curbed his innate love of theatricality for him, but some part of him still longed to be able to engage in the public affections that his students were able to express around campus. Still, Remus thought as he opened his eyes groggily on Christmas morning and saw Sirius watching him with a lopsided smile and half-closed eyes, it could be worse.</p><p>“Happy Christmas, Moony,” Sirius said, wrapping his arms around him.</p><p>“Happy Christmas, Sirius,” Remus said sleepily. “You’re up early.”</p><p>“Well, I mean, it’s <em>Christmas</em>,” Sirius said, sounding animated before falling into a long yawn. “The world is brand new outside. Also, I don’t actually think it’s very early at all.”</p><p>Remus peered over Sirius’s shoulder. Snow was falling heavily, and if Remus squinted, he could see the Whomping Willow in the distance covered with snow flurries. The view outside the window looked like a picture of a storybook winter scene.</p><p>Sirius rolled over until he was directly on top of Remus. “What time is it?”</p><p>“Accio watch,” Remus said, and his wristwatch flew into his hand. He looked at it with some surprise. “Nearly nine. I think we’re missing breakfast.”</p><p>Sirius burrowed his face into Remus’s flannel pajamas. “The fact that you can do magic without a wand is so hot.”</p><p>Remus burst out laughing. “Definitely not. It’s the werewolf in me.”</p><p>“Maybe you could teach me. <em>Professor Lupin, will you teach me, I heard you’re such a good teacher</em>.” Sirius asked in a high-pitched falsetto.</p><p>Remus rolled over until he was leaning over Sirius, who was laughing loudly. He kissed him for a long time and then looked at him with that mixture of fond annoyance that Sirius elicited without trying. “You’re such a prick, you know.”</p><p>“Such language, Moony, and on Christmas too?” Sirius tutted, kissing Remus’s neck.</p><p>“What time is Harry coming over for presents?” Remus gasped, as he felt Sirius’s teeth grazing the sensitive skin.</p><p>“In an hour. Why?”</p><p>“Oh,” Remus asked innocently. “No reason at all. Just thought I’d take an hour to read Charles Dickens or something.”</p><p>Sirius grinned. “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”</p><p>“Look at you, memorizing muggle literature,” Remus said, genuinely impressed.</p><p>“I am a man of many, <em>many</em> talents,” Sirius whispered hotly into Remus’s ear.</p><p>The hour slipped by easily and far too quickly for both of them. Sirius was just stepping out of the shower, wet hair slapping against his thick, red sweater, when Harry knocked on Remus’s door with a big smile and two wrapped packages.</p><p>“Happy Christmas, Remus,” Harry grinned, closing the door behind him with his leg. “Happy Christmas, Sirius.”</p><p>They all exchanged hugs.</p><p>“Good haul so far?” Sirius asked as they settled on the couch. “Biscuit?”</p><p>Remus had gone to fetch biscuits and mugs of hot cocoa from the kitchens while Sirius had been getting dressed. Harry eagerly took a biscuit from a tin platter.</p><p>“Brilliant. Mrs. Weasley sent one of her jumpers, and I got dungbombs from Ron, and really excellent book on Quidditch from Hermione,” Harry said excitedly. He put the boxes underneath Remus’s glittering Christmas tree.</p><p>Remus smiled. He had heard the stories of how poorly Harry’s muggle relations had treated him and could not have imagined that his past Christmases had been particularly enjoyable. He deserved a lovely Christmas now – a magnificent one, at that.</p><p>“Ready for the Yule Ball?” Sirius asked slyly. Remus jabbed him in the ribs with his elbow.</p><p>“It should be fun,” Harry said, though his face was faintly crestfallen. He adjusted his glasses. Eager to change the topic, Remus stood up, headed to the Christmas tree and selected two packages.</p><p>“Before we forget, Harry, these are for Hermione and Ron,” Remus said.</p><p>Harry weighed the packages in his hands. “Oh excellent. I’m guessing that Hermione’s is a book?”</p><p>Sirius laughed. “You’re right. Remus chose it, you know I haven’t read anything since I was seventeen.”</p><p>“What’s Ron’s present?”</p><p>“A gift set from Zonko’s. Which I hope he will use for good and not the forces of evil, seeing as Sirius swore that Ron would never use these products to torment the Slytherins,” Remus said mildly.</p><p>“Not at all,” Harry said with a broad grin. Sirius grinned back at him. He helped himself to another biscuit and a cup of hot cocoa.</p><p>“Now, shall we exchange presents?” Remus asked, slapping his thighs with his hands. Sirius went over to the tree and carried a huge armful of presents over to the couch where Harry was seating. He looked like the cat that had swallowed both the canary and the cream. Though Sirius had sworn up and down that he would not spoil Harry, the two of them had settled on no fewer than nineteen gifts for Harry. Some of them had been selected by Remus and purchased with his own money – two handsome quills and top of the shelf parchment; a book entitled <em>Practical Defensive Magic</em>, which was charmed to read aloud; and a handsome globe that could tell you the time, weather, and estimated travel time to anywhere in the world. Most of the others were whimsical flights of fancy chosen by Sirius. Among them were a penknife that could open any lock or door, a pair of enchanted glasses that could be used to see clearly at night, and a wildly expensive safe box that could conceal any item by rendering it invisible to everyone but the owner. Regardless of who had paid for the gift or bought it, every present had the same tag: “<em>Love, Sirius and Remus.</em>” Per Remus’s suggestions, they had also bought him a pair of handsome dress robes that were magically tailored to fit the wearer perfectly. It was a very cozy way to spend a few hours, Harry unwrapping his presents, Sirius reminiscing about Chrismas at the Potters’ house, his arm around Remus’s shoulders, Remus telling Harry the story about his first Christmas and the fruitcake that they had had to buy from a muggle grocery store because he had burned the log, Nat King Cole’s Christmas album spinning in the background, and the plates of Christmas biscuits and mugs of hot chocolate refilling themselves every so often.</p><p>The last present that Harry unwrapped was a crimson Gryffindor Quidditch jersey, knitted with a Gryffindor lion on the front. He turned it around and looked at the number on the back underneath the blocky <em>Potter</em>.</p><p>“Well this is brilliant, but, er, my number is seven on the team, not twelve,” Harry said shyly.</p><p>“We know,” Remus said, putting his hand on Harry’s shoulder. “This was one of your father’s jerseys.” </p><p>Harry’s eyes lit up. “This is excellent. How did you find it?” </p><p>“I had it back at Grimmauld Place. And I brought it with me, thinking you might like it,” Sirius said proudly. “Do you?”</p><p>“I love it,” Harry said enthusiastically. “Thank you. I, er, only got you a present apiece.”</p><p>“Harry, you didn’t have to get us anything at all,” Remus said, unwrapping a large box of Honeydukes chocolates. “But I do love sweets. Thank you.”</p><p>“And I love that motorcycle that I’m bringing back with me in the spring,” Sirius declared, showing Remus the motorcycle repair kit that Harry had gifted him. “Harry, this is wonderful. Thank you.”</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “Harry, you’ve created a monster. Your godfather is going to run over every muggle in Scotland with that thing.”</p><p>Harry grinned. He sifted through his presents again and ran his hands over the jersey cotton of his father’s jersey.</p><p>“Mind you, that’s washed,” Sirius said with a snort. “Otherwise, the smell alone would have rotted the material.”</p><p>Remus shoved Sirius. “You’re too harsh on James’s memory.”</p><p>Sirius smiled. “He understands. He knows we miss him.”</p><p>And Remus knew that Sirius was right. Wherever James Potter was celebrating Christmas – on the other side with Lily and his parents over a grand feast, perhaps – he did understand. And Remus knew that he missed them too.</p><p>***</p><p>The decorations of the Yule Ball were more sumptuous than anything Remus had ever seen, and that was after knowing Sirius and the extraordinary luxury of the Black family for decades. The Great Hall was nearly unrecognizable, with elaborate frosted garlands and extravagant ribboned wreaths dotting the walls. A dozen sturdy Christmas trees were covered from top to bottom with ornaments and twinkling fairy lights, adorned with heavy crystal stars at the very top. The bewitched ceiling was midnight blue and sparkled with stars. There were ice sculptures that moved and even breathed hoisted up on pedestals on the edges of the dance floor and the teacher’s dais, which had been charmed as a stage. Even the floor seemed glossier than usual, Remus marveled, or perhaps the shot of fire whiskey that Sirius had convinced him to take before the dance was playing tricks on his eyes.</p><p>Even the most beautiful decorations, however, could not compare to the undeniable beauty of Sirius Black standing next to him in his perfectly-tailored, black dress robes and shining black shoes. The robes had a high collar that made Sirius’s angular jawbone and cheekbones stand out even more. His grey eyes glittered with the reflection of the silver decorations around them. He was, quite simply, a vision. Even the students that they saw – dressed elegantly and crisply in long dresses and dress robes of their own – seemed to stumble over their words when they talked to him. Lavender Brown accidentally sloshed her glass of punch down her dress when Sirius greeted her with an enthusiastic hello. Remus kindly helped her vanish the ruby red stain.</p><p>“You look too handsome for your own good,” Remus said out of the corner of his mouth as they joined the other teachers along the wall. Charity Burbage – sans date, Remus noticed – waved at them enthusiastically.</p><p>“<em>Me</em>?” Sirius asked, turning to face Remus and giving him the subtlest of once-overs. “I think my heart’s about to burst out of my chest just looking at you.”</p><p>Remus flushed. He knew that he looked put-together, at the very least. Sirius had insisted on tailoring his dress robes so that they looked brand-new. His graying hair was swept back away from his face with Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion – James’s potion, as Remus often thought of the formula that had granted his family innumerable riches. In the dim, warm lighting of the Great Hall, the singular scar that ran across his face was less prominent than ever.</p><p>“Good evening, Black, Lupin,” Professor McGonagall said with a curt nod. She was wearing elegant dress robes that draped nearly to the floor. “Happy Christmas.”</p><p>“Professor McGonagall, my love,” Sirius said dramatically over the murmurs and excited chatters of the students. “Will you grace me with a dance later on?”</p><p>She rolled her eyes at him and turned to speak to Madam Hooch.</p><p>The heavy doors of the Great Hall opened, and a procession of ghosts sauntered in, followed by Dumbledore, Madame Maxine, and Karkaroff. The three of them swept their way to the center stage to the sound of clapping. Remus noticed the Durmstrang students bowing deeply once Karkaroff passed them. Viktor Krum was front and center, flanked by several of his Durmstrang classmates.</p><p>“Good evening, and happy Christmas,” Dumbledore said with a booming voice. “Welcome one and all to our Yule Ball, the first in many, many years but hopefully not the last. We welcome our friends from Durmstrang and Beauxbatons who have joined us from far away and who have made friends with our own students.” Dumbledore nodded approvingly at Parvati and Padma Patel, who had dates from Durmstrang, and Fleur Delacour with Roger Davies in the front row, among others.</p><p>“Over the last few years, we have faced tremendous obstacles as a wizarding community. We have come closer to the return of darkness than ever before, and it was thwarted by the power of working together and sheer, uncanny luck.”</p><p>“More like, it was thwarted by three preteens who shouldn’t have been put in that position in the first place,” Sirius hissed through his teeth. Remus brushed his hand lightly to quiet him.</p><p>“While we are at peace for now,” Dumbledore continued, oblivious to Sirius entirely, “we will not always be so. We may one day face dark powers again. And when that time comes, we must remember to carry on the spirit of camaraderie and friendship across borders to pursue goodness and justice, no matter what the sacrifice entails.”</p><p>The crowd murmured uncertainly. The generally gleeful mood of the crowd began to sink.</p><p>“I can’t imagine this is the right mood to strike at Christmas,” Remus whispered to Sirius.</p><p> “With that, I invite you all to partake in the hedonism and revelry that Christmas invites. Get to know each other, dance, and celebrate. For we have no clue what tomorrow will hold, but for today, at least we have each other. And with that, let the Yule Ball begin!”</p><p>The uncertain claps eventually became a rousing cheer. Sirius looked incredibly solemn. Dumbledore offered Madame Maxine his hand and the two stepped down to the dance floor. An orchestra arranged itself at the top of the dais and began playing a song that Remus recognized – Tchiakovsky’s <em>Valse Sentimentale</em>. Dumbledore was a surprising nimble dancer, waltzing the incredibly tall Madame Maxine around the floor with precision. After a few moments, the braver students joined them. Remus was heartened to see Neville Longbottom inviting Ginny Weasley to dance with him. Though he danced considerably more stiffly than Dumbledore, it was clear that he had practiced.</p><p>Over the next hour or so, Remus and Sirius wandered through the groups of students to find Harry, carrying out their chaperone duties in the process. Sirius summoned several flasks with curious smells from guilty-looking students all the while. Remus firmly instructed George Weasley to get off one of the tables, lest he break his neck and, confiscated a pack of cigarettes from Vincent Crabbe.</p><p>“Want to dance?” Sirius asked loftily, as the music segued into a smooth violin piece.</p><p>“Want to keep your job?” Remus asked, mimicking Sirius’s tone of voice. He finally spotted Harry out of the corner of his eye, and nudged Sirius in that direction.</p><p>“Having fun?” Sirius asked as they approached Harry. Harry was wearing the new dress robes that he had been gifted that morning. His hair seemed neater than usual as well. He looked a little like James on his wedding day, Remus thought briefly. “Where are Ron and Hermione?”</p><p>“Hermione’s…well…” Harry said, darting his eyes towards the dance floor. Remus and Sirius turned around and – with not a little surprise – saw Hermione dancing in the arms of Viktor Krum.</p><p>“Is that Viktor Krum?” Sirius said eagerly, looking as though he wanted to interrupt their dance.</p><p>“Yeah,” Harry said awkwardly. “Er, Ron’s steaming about it. He went to go get a drink.”</p><p>Ron came back just as Harry finished his sentence. His own dress robes were maroon-colored and quite frilly at the cuffs and collar. They looked as though they were several decades old.</p><p>“Do you want me to fix your robes?” Sirius offered. “I know some charms.”</p><p>“It’s fine,” Ron said darkly, shooting a look over to the dance floor. Harry looked at him sadly.</p><p> Remus realized that one day soon, Ron would realize that he might have stronger feelings for one of his friends than he dared admit most days. Remus had been there once before, and he looked sympathetically at Ron's frustrated expression. </p><p>“Let’s go. I have the feeling they need to talk it out,” Remus whispered. He raised his voice. “Well, you both look great. I hope you have fun. I heard the Weird Sisters are coming on soon.”</p><p> "Brilliant. Heard that, Ron?" Harry asked, trying to encourage his friend. Ron remained silent. </p><p>“Want to take a walk?” Sirius shouted over the music after another half hour of making sure that students were not engaging in too much mischief. The Weird Sisters had indeed started performing, though their brand of music made Remus’s head pound furiously.</p><p>Remus agreed, exiting the Great Hall and stepping right through the double doors of the entrance. His ears rang painfully, and he was grateful for the near-silence of the grounds and the beautiful canopy of the midnight blue sky. He started to say something to Sirius about the stars, but when he turned to glance at Sirius, he saw that Sirius was giving him a strange look.</p><p>“What is it?” Remus asked, startled.</p><p>“This is the first Christmas I’ve been able to celebrate properly in fourteen years.”</p><p>“I know,” Remus said, taking Sirius’s hand without thinking twice about it. “How has it been?”</p><p>“Brilliant. Spending time with you and Harry. You’re my best friend, you know.”</p><p>“And you’re mine.”</p><p>There was a pause.</p><p>“I think we should get married,” Sirius said suddenly.</p><p>Remus thought he was going to choke. “I’m sorry, <em>what</em>? We’ve been together for two months.”</p><p>Sirius shrugged. “I’m madly in love with you. I think it’s mutual. We’ve been through hell and highwater for the greater part of twenty years, what else do you need to prove that it’s forever?”</p><p>Remus laughed nervously. “Forever is a mighty long time. And you might get sick of me.”</p><p>“I could never.”</p><p>“I don’t think we’re even legally allowed to get married.”</p><p>“I’d pay off the whole bloody government to pass a law then,” Sirius said without missing a beat.</p><p>“Where did all this come from?” Remus asked.</p><p>“I don’t like Dumbledore and I don’t want him to be right, but maybe he is. Maybe he's right in the whole darkness may come again someday. But when that day comes, I am not fighting again, Remus. We lost too much the first time around. We lost everything. I lost everything. And I don’t care if it makes me cowardly, if it happens, I’m taking you and Harry and moving to America or something. Dumbledore’s little speech made me realize that time is so short, and you and I, Moony, we’ve already lost so much of it. But I sure as hell am not losing you again. Losing you once almost killed me.”</p><p>He kissed Remus’s hand, and then up the sleeve of his dress robes, and before Remus could warn him to stop, the two of them were kissing furiously, all teeth and hands against the stone-cold walls of the castle. Remus felt as though his lungs were on fire, and he welcomed the fire gladly.</p><p>“Well, well, well,” a voice said, interrupting them abruptly. “Isn’t this touching?”</p><p>The two of them broke apart immediately, and the ringing returned with a vengeance in Remus’s ears. Snape was watching them, illuminating them with the tip of his lit wand.</p><p>“Severus, please,” Remus tried. Snape ignored him.</p><p>“I will be speaking to the Headmaster about this. I warned you. And here I was thinking that holding your silly little letter hostage could encourage you to keep your <em>paws</em> off each other.”</p><p>“You low life,” Sirius hissed. He approached Snape, who dug the tip of his wand into Sirius's chest. “Leave us alone, you foul, loathsome bug. Why do you even care? How does this <em>possibly</em> affect you? Are you going to let some childish grudge destroy lives?”</p><p>Snape seemed to ignore him completely.</p><p>“I can’t imagine how difficult life will be after you get thrown out of Hogwarts."</p><p>"Don't you dare," Sirius said.</p><p>"Especially for you, Lupin,” Snape continued softly. “I imagine life will be considerably harder without the Wolfsbane Potion, won’t it? At least you know that Black likes your scars, no matter how ugly they are.”</p><p>Remus felt his entire body go numb and start tingling with horror, but also a deep-seated mortification. With a sudden flash, Remus saw Sirius drawing his fist back and aiming a punch right at Severus’s face. Blood gushed out of Snape’s nose, splattering all over the snowy grounds. He grabbed onto his nose and rushed away from them. Even from afar Remus could hear him cursing vigorously, using horrible words that Remus had not heard in many, many years.</p><p>“Shit,” Remus said loudly. There was a long minute of silence.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Remus,” Sirius said, his voice cracking. He held Remus’s hand against his cheek. “I am so, <em>so</em> sorry. We are so fucked, I’m sorry. I lost my temper so bad, I’m so sorry. I messed up so badly, I’m so sorry.”</p><p>He looked as though he were about two seconds away from transforming into Padfoot and quite literally putting his tail between his legs.</p><p>And though it may have been true, though they may have been screwed, though Remus was fairly confident that he would have to pack up his bags before the New Year, though he would not know how to explain this to Harry, though his students would have questions, though Dumbledore would question them on their actions, though this had introduced a slew of problems into the idyllic world that he had so carefully crafted with Sirius, Remus found that his mind was impressively blank. He took Sirius’s hand instead.</p><p>“It’s okay, Sirius.”</p><p>Sirius was nearly hysterical. “I feel like I really messed this one up. I could’ve asked Snape, tried to persuade him, something. I knew when we started this that I’d be bad news for you, Remus. I don’t care about what happens to me. I care about you.”</p><p>Remus squeezed his hand tightly. “Sirius, please shut up. You are the greatest thing that has happened to me, two times over, okay?” Remus said, feeling as though the words were writing themselves. "You make me think that something as impossible as getting married - me, a werewolf, getting married - is just over the horizon. You make me want to believe impossible things, because you are an impossible thing. So if we’re fucked, at least we’re fucked together.”</p><p>For a moment, Sirius was speechless. Then, the color returned to his ashen cheeks.</p><p>“Until the end, you and I,” Sirius said firmly, though his voice was still faint. He squeezed Remus’s hand.</p><p>They stared out into the silent expanses of Hogwarts as the last minutes of Christmas ticked by. The niche where they stood together was washed with rivulets of starlight and moonlight. To Remus, it felt like holy ground.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I think this may be the longest chapter I've written for this story so far! </p><p>Stay safe, and thanks for reading :)</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is bookended by some angst, so proceed with caution! Thanks for reading and commenting - it means a lot to me.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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</p><p>At eleven, Remus had revered Albus Dumbledore, that eccentrically-dressed man who had come to his house to promise Hope and Lyall that his son would be safe at Hogwarts and would not pose a danger to others. It had been almost a relief for Remus to have Dumbledore know all about what James would one day refer to as “his furry little problem.” He had seen Dumbledore at the center of the teachers’ table on the night that he had been sorted into Gryffindor – a house known for its bravery, a description that Remus did not feel that he quite merited – and Dumbledore had winked at him surreptitiously. As he had dug into his third pudding of the night and listened to James and Sirius argue loudly about the best Quidditch team in the league, Remus had felt as though the two of them were sharing the weight of an immense secret that Remus had borne alone for so long, Atlas carrying the globe on his shoulder. Whenever he had reckoned with devastating bouts of self-doubts that year, Remus would think back to three things and ground himself in them. One, the incomparable James Potter and Sirius Black had thought him interesting (or at the very least, harmless) enough to join their little group of four. Two, a filthy hat that had been around for centuries had pronounced him worthy to join the most courageous at heart. Three, a wizard as brilliant as Albus Dumbledore had trusted him enough to allow him to join his classmates at Hogwarts and had cared enough to ensure that he would have some semblance of an ordinary childhood. Dumbledore had held Remus’s childhood and education in his hands and had treated both preciously. That alone was worth all of the galleons in Gringotts. So he put his head down, got good marks, and even became a prefect. It was better to focus on the books right in front of him than on the past that seemed to trail him wherever he walked. It was easier that way.</p><p>At eighteen, Remus had been inspired by Dumbledore, the powerful wizard who was at the top perch of wizarding society and decorated with awards and prestige and yet, who was not content to sit on the sidelines as the wizarding world faced a barrage of threats from the most dangerous man since Grindelwald. In the spring of Remus’s seventh year, he had sat with James, Lily, Peter, Sirius, Marlene, Alice, and several other members of his class as Dumbledore had sworn them to secrecy and asked them to commit themselves to the mission of the Order of the Phoenix. They had all agreed, Sirius the loudest among them. Dumbledore’s blue eyes had shone underneath the lights of his office as he had tasked them with staffing the front lines of an organization that counted among its members some of the bravest students Hogwarts had ever seen. Dumbledore had told them that it was possible that they would run into death headfirst. They had not backed down, even Peter, who had looked very much as though he had wished to transform and scamper off into the nooks and crannies of Hogwarts. If you had asked Remus whether he would die for anyone in that room at that moment, including Dumbledore, he would have said yes without hesitating. He knew that he would have rather perished at the hands of the Death Eaters than run away while his best friends had faced Voldemort and his terrifying followers alone. He would have invited death to stop for him rather than allow anything to happen to Sirius. When Dumbledore had called Remus into his office, alone, Remus had known even before Dumbledore had opened his mouth that he wanted him to help coax the werewolves to join their side. And though Remus had never met another werewolf other than the one who had branded him with his teeth, he had agreed without hesitation. For what else could he say, to the person who had offered him a world that he had never known on a platter made of gold? He said yes immediately. It was easier that way.</p><p>At twenty-two, Remus had been disgusted by Dumbledore, the man who had sent their friends off to their deaths while remaining very much alive and well, reigning over Hogwarts with nary a scratch on him. He had blamed Dumbledore and sworn at him over drinks that never seemed to get him intoxicated enough. He had cursed the day that he had ever met Dumbledore, had lamented that the Marauders had ever had the poor sense to follow him into battle, and swore up and down that if it were not for Dumbledore, he might very well have his friends and lover still with him. Of course, Remus acknowledged that Voldemort was responsible for the deaths of some of the most promising and most magnificent people he had ever met – the Prewetts, Marlene, James, Lily. Even poor Peter, who had defended himself with bravery at the end, was dead at Sirius’s hands and at Voldemort’s wishes. And Remus knew, though he was revolted to admit it, that Dumbledore had not been responsible for the betrayal of Sirius, the person whom he had once loved and who had once stuck out as the brightest star in the pitch-black sky that now colored every single one of Remus’s waking days. Dumbledore could not singlehandedly change werewolf laws and could not very well support Remus, who was of no relation to him and at the end of the day was simply another traumatized veteran of the First Wizarding War. But still, during the days when Remus had consistently fallen asleep at dawn and woken up in the afternoons to what seemed like an unbearable nightmare pressing at the sides of his head, he had blamed Dumbledore for everything. It was easier that way.</p><p>At thirty-three, Remus had been overwhelmed by Dumbledore, the Headmaster who was willing to take a chance on him and allow him to return to Hogwarts as a professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts, who had introduced him graciously at the banquet on the first day of school to somewhat lackluster applause, and who had sat him down in his office not ten minutes after the feast had ended to quietly interrogate Remus on whether he had had any contact with Sirius since he had escaped from Azkaban. Dumbledore had then asked Remus whether he had any idea how Sirius had managed to flee the notoriously fortified prison. Though Remus had fervently replied no, Dumbledore had stared into him as though he were trying to read his mind through Legilimency.</p><p>“There may a moment,” Dumbledore had said, “when your former friendship with Sirius may compete with the present realities of the situation and the truth of what you know now. You must make the brave choice, as I know that you will.”</p><p>“Of course I will, Headmaster,” Remus had replied.</p><p>Dumbledore had nodded, looking half a century older than when Remus had met him for the first time. “I know you must still be in pain from that betrayal and the loss of Lily, James, and Peter. But you must allow time to work its magic.”</p><p>Remus knew from the scars that ran across his body that time, curious time, would not and could not patch up all evidence of hurt. But he had nodded anyways. During that year, when Sirius’s beautiful, mad portrait was plastered all over Hogsmeade with a handsome reward for information on him, Remus had wondered whether not telling Dumbledore that Sirius was an Animagus would come back to haunt him and whether he was betraying Dumbledore by keeping it a secret. But he instead kept his mouth shut. It was easier that way.</p><p>Now at nearly thirty-five, Remus was troubled and yet intrigued by Dumbledore, the Headmaster who had granted him the opportunity to return to Hogwarts as a professor despite knowing the risks of having a werewolf among the faculty, the man who had allowed him a space to get to know Harry as a person rather than as the child of Lily and James, a man whom Harry so clearly appreciated and even admired for reasons not dissimilar to Remus’s own respect for Dumbledore at his age, and <em>yet</em>, the man who had built up an army of children, who had not stuck up for Sirius and who had permitted Harry to confront Voldemort twice in as many years. He did not know what to make of this Janus-faced man who had vanquished what seemed like death itself and yet seemed precariously mortal. Once again, Dumbledore held Remus’s livelihood and hopes in his hands. Time would tell whether he would cradle them as softly as Lily and James had once held their newborn son or permit them to shatter as harshly as Remus’s future had fallen in the aftermath of Halloween 1981. But on Boxing Day, when Sirius woke up and immediately asked him whether he was nervous about what was going to happen, Remus mustered up every single dreg of false cheer he had and told him everything was going to be alright in the end. It was easier that way.</p><p>***</p><p>Remus spent a good deal of time with his thoughts after the Yule Ball. Unfortunately, time seemed to dribble past him with an infuriating slowness as he waited for Dumbledore to summon them. Compared to the days preceding the Yule Ball, which had flown by with a speed comparable to Harry’s Firebolt, time trickled in the days thereafter. After Sirius’s panicked Boxing Day morning, during which Remus had had to make him several strong cups of tea to calm him down, neither of them chose to speak about the events of Christmas Day in any real detail, other than commenting on this student’s dress or that other student’s dress robes. They tried to distract each other and themselves with the mundanities of grading papers, playing different records from across the Bowie discography (Andromeda had sent Sirius two new ones for Christmas, in addition to sending Remus a colorful scarf that she claimed had been knitted by Tonks for him in a purely platonic way), and playing Wizarding Chess, a game where Sirius excelled and which Remus found mildly infuriating. Remus was oddly reminded of the days in late June and early July before Sirius’s re-trial, when time seemed to have gone more slowly than ever.</p><p>Remus was heartened by the fact that at least they had their students, and those who had become more akin to family than students, to keep them company and distract Remus from the looming figures of his own thoughts. The day before New Year’s Eve, Remus and Sirius invited Ron, Harry, and Hermione over to Sirius’s living quarters so that they could all play Gobstones. While they normally did not invite students to join them, Sirius had argued with Remus that it was practically like inviting them to 12 Grimmauld Place during the holidays. Remus had privately disagreed, but on the other hand, recognized the distinct possibility that his time with the trio might be running out, and so had agreed to let them into Sirius’s flat-like suite of rooms.</p><p>Remus was nervous that Harry would notice that both of them were slightly off. Lucky for them, Harry was generally oblivious to most feelings (Sirius had been right on that point), and Ron’s teenaged anguish over the Yule Ball took up a significant amount of oxygen in the room.</p><p>“When are these bloody Durmstrang and Beauxbatons swots going back to their school anyways?” Ron demanded, as he moved a Gobstone violently towards Harry. Harry ducked to avoid the foul-smelling spray that the stone emitted.</p><p>“They’re not all bad, Ron,” Hermione said from her space on Sirius’s couch. She was combing through one of Remus’s Defense Against the Dark Arts textbooks that he normally used to teach the seventh year N.E.W.T. class. Harry had told Remus after their class that Hermione had become resolute in being able to produce a corporeal Patronus. It had aggrieved her to not be able to conjure up anything other than a milky non-corporeal Patronus. “Professor Lupin, do you think that a Patronus should be easier to conjure if I put the weight on the <em>Expecto</em> rather than on the <em>Patronum</em> part?”</p><p>Remus opened his mouth to tell Hermione that the two words should be matched in terms of intonation, but Ron beat him to the punch.</p><p>“You just think they’re not that bad because you spend all your time walking through the grounds with <em>Vicky</em>, don’t you?”</p><p>“Really, Ron, I don’t think this is an appropriate conversation for present company,” Hermione said firmly, looking to Remus and Sirius skeptically. Sirius had gleefully moved his Gobstones to squirt Ron in the face while he wasn’t looking. Remus, who was sitting on the armchair above him, jabbed Sirius with his socked foot.</p><p>“Oh they saw it at the Yule Ball,” Ron said accusingly. “Everyone saw it. I had Lavender Brown asking me whether you and Viktor were going to be a couple or something equally ridiculous.”</p><p>Hermione slammed the book shut. Remus resisted the urge to ask her to please treat the book with care. “So what did you say?”</p><p>“I told her to bugger off.”</p><p>“Language, Ronald,” Hermione said in a tight voice. “We <em>are</em> with professors.”</p><p>“Oh please, don’t stop on our behalf,” Sirius said easily. Clearly, he was rather involved in and intrigued by the drama. Remus fixed the back of his head with a stern look, which of course, Sirius could not see.</p><p>“Would it be helpful if we left?” Remus asked kindly. “So that you can hash it out and discuss it without feeling like you need to censor yourselves for us?”</p><p>“Er, no, please don’t,” Harry said quickly. Remus suddenly got the sense that Harry had intentionally brought Ron and Hermione here so that they would not bring up this very topic. It seemed that Harry was allergic to the feelings in the room. Remus could not blame him.</p><p>“Ron, do you like Hermione, is that the problem?” Sirius asked loftily, leaning back against the feet of the armchair and against Remus’s legs. Hermione blanched. “Because if that’s the issue, maybe you should just say that instead of blaming Viktor Krum, who, as I remember, was your favorite player at the World Cup this summer.”</p><p>“<em>Sirius</em>,” Remus hissed. “You can’t just <em>ask that</em>. Professors, remember?”</p><p>Sirius turned around and peered up at Remus from his spot on the floor. He had a mischievous look on his face. “Sorry, Moon – I mean, Remus – I mean, Professor Lupin?”</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes at him. Sirius turned to face the three students once more.</p><p>Ron looked horrified. His cheeks grew red and almost matched his shock of hair. “Bloody hell, no! I just don’t think that Hermione should be fraternizing with the enemy.”</p><p>“What enemies, Ron?” Hermione scoffed. She flipped her thick, curly brown hair over one shoulder and opened the book again vehemently. “We’re not even competing in the Triwizard Tournament this year. And you heard Dumbledore–”</p><p>Sirius groaned inadvertently at hearing the man’s name mentioned.</p><p>“–we all need to be prepared in case dark forces really do attack the wizarding world again, and that involves unity among all the Hogwarts houses and across the different wizarding schools.”</p><p>“D’you really think that it’s going to happen, then?” Harry asked Remus and Sirius, clearly eager to change the subject. “I thought it was all pretty much over after...Pettigrew.” He absentmindedly rubbed at the thin, jagged scar on his forehead.</p><p>Sirius shifted over a few spots and put an arm around Harry protectively. “It’s all over. Don’t you worry.” He looked up at Remus for back-up.</p><p>“I think that Dumbledore was just talking about all that for dramatic emphasis,” Remus said with a mildness that he did not exactly feel. “I wouldn’t focus too much on it, any of you. Even though you have done incredible things over the last few years, it should not rest on any of your shoulders to protect the world against what may or may not happen.”</p><p>Hermione and Ron looked at each other uncertainly, and then looked at Harry. Harry frowned anyways, and Sirius squeezed him more tightly before letting him go. “I’ll be arsed if I let anything happen to you. To any of you,” Sirius said fervently.</p><p>“I agree,” Remus said gently. “We’ve made it through worse but that doesn’t mean that any of us should have had to.”</p><p>“Can I ask a question?” Ron asked suddenly.</p><p>“Anything, Ron,” Remus said kindly.</p><p>“Do you ever think about what life hadn’t been like if Scabbers – I mean Pettigrew – had escaped?”</p><p>Somehow, through Ron’s juvenile curiosity, he had landed on a topic that Remus thought about often and with great pain. Had Peter escaped, no one would have ever believed that Sirius had been innocent and his name never would have gotten cleared. He might have had to flee as Padfoot once more, though Remus was almost certain that he would have gone with him even in a world where he had been offered a position at Hogwarts for the following year. They would have been runaways somewhere. The concept of running away together almost seemed romantic, in a terrible way, to Remus, until he remembered Harry. He looked over to where Harry looked very deep in thought, and Remus’s heart sank. Harry would have been stuck with the miserable and abusive Dursleys for the entire summer, and every summer thereafter. He would have been deprived of his godfather – and his Uncle Remus, he supposed.</p><p>“It would have been bad,” Sirius admitted after a moment of reflection that had left creases in his face. “But we would have figured it out somehow. Of course, it would have been harder without me technically being a free man, but it would’ve been okay.”</p><p>“Well, I’m pleased that everything sorted itself out, though Sirius did give us a fright that night in the Shrieking Shack,” Hermione said, lost in thought and quite obviously recalling that night in June when Remus’s world had turned upside-down.</p><p>“Me too,” Ron said, stuffing a piece of Honeydukes chocolate in his mouth with glee. Remus had the sneaking suspicion that it was one of the bars that Sirius had given him a few weeks back on his quest to invite Remus to the Yule Ball. The thought was almost pleasant until he remembered what had actually happened at the Yule Ball. They had not seen Snape since, and could not imagine that he would react too kindly to seeing them.</p><p>Harry simply smiled at Remus and Sirius. Remus wondered what Harry was thinking behind his bright green eyes and whether he too, was thinking of the pitiable situation he would have been in, had Sirius never been declared an innocent man. Remus was about to try to maneuver his way into asking Harry what was wrong when a ghostly Patronus rushed through Sirius’s door.</p><p>“Rude,” Sirius said with a frown, before he realized what the Patronus was. He went suddenly quite pale.</p><p>The many-feathered, splendorous phoenix flew in, circled around his sitting room twice, and perched itself on top of the couch where Hermione was sitting. It opened its mouth, and emitted the booming tones of Albus Dumbledore.</p><p>“<em>This message is for Professor Sirius Black and Professor Remus Lupin. Please meet me in my office tomorrow, December 31, at noon. The password is Fizzing Whizbees.</em>”</p><p>Remus felt his heart drop to the floor. No sooner had the message been communicated than the phoenix had burst into a dozen whispers of mist, and then disappeared completely. The five of them sat in relative silence.</p><p>“Are you in trouble?” Ron asked rather tactlessly.</p><p>“Yes,” Sirius said, just as Remus opened his mouth to shout <em>no</em> vehemently. Remus looked at Sirius with a good deal of exasperation.</p><p>“What happened?” Harry asked, looking alarmed. “Are you actually in trouble?”</p><p>Remus shot Sirius a look and then turned to Harry with as much tranquility as he could muster up. He closed the <em>The Beautiful and Damned</em> lightly and put it on his lap. “No, Professor Dumbledore would like to speak to us about certain new Ministry guidelines for our respective subjects.”</p><p>“Right,” Harry said with a nod. The tight fist that had somehow closed in on Remus’s heart slacked its grip slightly.</p><p>“So why is Dumbledore asking to meet with you together?” Hermione asked suspiciously. Remus bemoaned the fact that Harry had chosen to make friends with one of the smartest students Remus had ever met. He also once again regretted the reality that Hermione and Lily had never had the opportunity to meet. She would have been warmed by Hermione’s bravery and boundless enthusiasm for learning. The fact that she was a muggle-born would have sold Lily on her immediately. Remus and Sirius had had this discussion not long ago, and Sirius had said that it was perhaps a blessing in disguise that they had never met – Lily (who had a taste for gossip not unlike Sirius’s, albeit concealed better) constantly would have asked Harry if he and Hermione were anything more than friends.</p><p>“Our subjects overlap quite a bit,” Remus said as smoothly as he could. “Like the Patronus, for example. It’s a Charm, of course, but we teach it in Defense Against the Dark Arts.”</p><p>Remembering her own experiences with the Patronus Charm, no doubt, Hermione once again picked up Remus’s book and scrutinized it with great vigor. Harry and Ron concentrated once more on their game of Gobstones – the stones had gotten so annoyed that no one had moved them in quite some time that they had begun to squirt the players on their own initiative.</p><p>Ron, Hermione, and Harry lingered until nearly dinnertime. As both Sirius and Remus were reluctant to enter the Great Hall until they knew what their fates would be, they headed to the kitchens to visit the elves instead, returning to Sirius’s room with an array of dishes and puddings that would have fed Remus’s entire N.E.W.T. class. They sat cross-legged on comfortable cushions at the coffee table instead of bothering to eat at the dinner table. Before sitting down, Sirius glanced at the cover of Remus’s book, which was still sitting on the couch.</p><p>“Beautiful <em>and</em> damned? Moony, I didn’t know someone wrote a book about me. I’m flattered. Good on you, Fitzgerald, you beautiful son of a bitch. I’ll kiss you the next time I see you.”</p><p>Remus snorted. “Sirius, the man has been dead for fifty years.”</p><p>Sirius lowered his head and sat down. “Well then, good on you, Fitzgerald, you beautiful dead son of a bitch. I’ll kiss your grave someday. Happy, Moony?”</p><p>The two of them looked at each other with the same foolish smile and began eating.</p><p>“Anyways, ready for judgment day tomorrow?” Sirius said after a while, with a solid attempt at nonchalance. Remus was not fooled by his light tone, judging by the way that Sirius dug into the roast beef with a sudden ferocity. “Real great timing, Dumbledore has. Considering that tomorrow is New Year’s Eve, and all that, and also a Saturday.”</p><p>Remus looked at Sirius skeptically over the mashed potatoes. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about it. Whatever happens tomorrow will just…happen. And that’s it.” He knew that his words were not as strong or forceful as Sirius may have wanted, but he could not deny the fact that he was nervous too.</p><p>“The important thing is that we haven’t done anything wrong, right?” Sirius said brusquely. “And it would really be a load of bollocks from Dumbledore if he tried to kick us out over this. I mean, he has a strange moral compass, but still.”</p><p>“Sirius, maybe don’t try to pick a fight with Dumbledore tomorrow,” Remus warned.</p><p>Sirius tried for bravado, and mostly achieved it. “Why shouldn’t I? He’s either going to make me leave or ask me to stay, and if it’s the first, then I owe him nothing, and if it’s the second, I still owe him nothing.”</p><p>“Yes, but I will owe him the opportunity of being able to keep the best job I’ve ever had if he doesn’t immediately eject us from our posts,” Remus snapped, “so maybe, let’s not ruin it.”</p><p>Sirius looked immediately chastened. “Yes, you’re right. I’m sorry, Moony. In fact, I’m sorry we’re even in this terrific situation right now. It’s all my fault anyways.”</p><p>Remus softened and leaned over to put his head on Sirius’s shoulder. As Sirius was several inches shorter than him, he had to lean over more than usual, but Remus did not mind even when his neck began cramping up.</p><p>“It’s not your fault, Sirius. Snape is a right git. Like I said, you and I are in this together, until the very end,” Remus said, burying his face in Sirius’s shoulder and breathing in the scent of his clothes.</p><p>Sirius still looked somber as he bit into a roll. “I’ll never forgive myself if you lose your job. I’ll throw myself on Dumbledore and beg him to fire me instead. I’ll beg McGonagall to help me out here.”</p><p>Remus sighed heavily and leaned back against the couch once more. “Hogwarts wouldn’t quite be Hogwarts without you, you know. I would be rather miserable if you got sent off without me. And that’s absolutely an understatement. It would be like going from regular television back to black-and-white.”</p><p>Sirius waggled his eyebrows. “I love it when you talk muggle to me, Moony.”</p><p>Remus burst out laughing. “You’re ridiculous. The point stands. Life here would be sad without you. And what would you do?”</p><p>“I could spruce up Grimmauld Place a little bit. And then I could buy a place in Hogsmeade too, so I wouldn’t have to Floo back and forth as much, a nice little house with room for Harry and all of his friends to come visit us during the summer hols. You could come down from the castle for Christmas and we could meet up at night in Hogsmeade.”</p><p>“That sounds nice. Having money sounds lovely,” Remus said.</p><p>Sirius barked with laughter. “It has its perks. What’s mine is yours, you know that. Especially since one day soon, you’ll be Messr. Black. No wait, I hate my last name, I’d give it up anytime. We’ll both be Messrs. Lupin. Wolf, party of two.”</p><p>“Pardon me?” Remus said, looking at Sirius incredulously. Sirius looked back at him defiantly.</p><p>“Wasn’t it established on Yule Ball that you <em>did</em> in fact want to marry me?” Sirius asked with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>“Well, yes, I suppose, but I sort of thought we had more pressing issues to focus on,” Remus said hotly. For some inexplicable reason, he was turning red. “You know, like our jobs?”</p><p>“So…to clarify. You <em>don’t </em>want to marry me.” Sirius scrunched his facial features together.</p><p>Remus scrubbed his face with his hand and shook his head at Sirius. “Godric and Merlin, Sirius, you are really two for two with these impromptu proposals.”</p><p>“Oh, I see,” Sirius said with a smirk. “So the problem is like with the Yule Ball? You want to be courted, and all that?”</p><p>Remus felt his face still very warm. “No, that’s definitely not what I’m asking for.”</p><p>“Then what’s the problem?” Sirius demanded. “Oh, do you want a ring? Is that it? We have a vault in France with this special silver that’s been passed down for the million centuries that my family’s been haunting the wizarding world. Obviously that won't do for you, but lucky for you we have a gold vault too.”</p><p>“First of all, your family has too much money.”</p><p>“Fair.”</p><p>“Second of all, absolutely not. I thought we went over this,” Remus said, pulling at one of the tiny loose threads that he had pulled out of the sleeves of his cream-colored sweater, a Christmas present from Sirius. “Remember, the whole <em>can’t get married</em> thing?”</p><p>“So what? When have we ever let a little thing like legality stop us?” Sirius asked, eyes blazing. He quickly transformed into Padfoot, barked once for the hell of it, and jumped on the couch, tail wagging furiously, before transforming back into Sirius.</p><p>“I swear, you are going to expose yourself as an Animagus one of these days for the sheer thrill, and I for one, am not going to help you clean up that mess,” Remus snorted.</p><p>“You will too, and you know it.” Sirius practically launched himself into Remus’s lap, sending Remus flying with a laugh. The two of them tussled on the floor for a while, until Remus let Sirius win and hover over him with a broad grin. His hair dangled in Remus’s face, and Remus reached up to sweep Sirius’s hair off his face. Sirius leaned down to kiss him hard. </p><p>“Promise me we’re going to be okay, no matter what, you and me,” Sirius demanded breathlessly.</p><p>“I promise,” Remus said, taking his hand and interlacing his fingers. He kissed the knuckles on Sirius’s hands one at a time.</p><p>“You love me?”</p><p>“I do.”</p><p>“And you still want to marry me? One day?”</p><p>“Oh, Godric. <em>Sirius</em>. Not this again.”</p><p>“Answer the question, Lupin,” Sirius said, jabbing at his ribs. "Say the magic words."</p><p>Remus batted his eyelashes from underneath him. "Which ones? Wingardium Leviosa?"</p><p>"Not with <em>that</em> pronunciation," Sirius scoffed. "You call yourself a professor?"</p><p>"In case you've forgotten, I can actually perform wandless magic, you prick. I said it wrong on purpose. Just because you're the Charms professor doesn't mean you have to be insufferable about my charms."</p><p>"Mm. Perhaps. You do have so many of them," Sirius said devilishly. "So tell me, Remus John Lupin. Will you let me make an honest man out of you someday?" </p><p>“Yes,” Remus said shyly.</p><p>Sirius looked satisfied as he clambered off Remus. His grey eyes shone with triumph. “Then I have everything I need. Dumbledore can't scare me.”</p><p>***</p><p>Precisely at noon, Remus cleared his throat and spoke to the hideous Gargoyle that sat outside Dumbledore’s office. “Fizzing Whizbees.”</p><p>The door leading to the tower of Dumbledore’s office swung open with nary a creak. They looked at each other – Sirius looking exhausted after a night when he had not slept well, yet elegant in his fine robes, Remus looking paler than usual in the pure black robes that Sirius had Transfigured for him out of his old, worn-looking ones. Sirius peered up at the steps and began climbing them with determination.</p><p>“It’s all going to be okay,” Remus said, half to Sirius and half to himself. His head was pounding harshly in time with the racing tempo of his heart. He wished that the stairs would just keep going until they reached the top of the castle, and they would not have to have this conversation at all.</p><p>“Exactly.” Sirius said absentmindedly. “Everything is going to be just fine.”</p><p>“Wait,” Remus said suddenly, gripping Sirius’s hand and stopping him short just as they could see the circular room where Dumbledore was waiting for them. He pulled Sirius down two steps to meet him and kissed him with a quiet intensity that surprised both of them.</p><p>“I love you,” Remus whispered with conviction, touching Sirius’s forehead with his own.</p><p>“And I love you,” Sirius said, just as quietly and just as fervently.</p><p>They pushed forward through the last few steps. The two walked through the lavishly-decorated, golden office where Dumbledore spent most of his days. There were knick-knacks crowded everywhere, and great shelves of books with handsome leather covers. The portraits on the walls, former headmasters and headmistresses of Hogwarts, stopped to peer at them with great interest as they walked towards the raised desk where Dumbledore was sitting.</p><p>“Oh what have you done to sully the good family name now, Sirius?” One of the portraits said with great annoyance, watching Sirius with keen grey eyes.</p><p>“My great-great-grandfather, Phineas Nigellus,” Sirius said with an eyeroll. “Ignore him.”</p><p>“Good afternoon,” Dumbledore said politely, standing as they approached his desk. He conjured up an extra chair to join the chair that was already opposite his own hard-backed seat. “Very nice to see you both, Professor Lupin, Professor Black. You’ll forgive me if I use the familiars from here on out, considering our shared history.”</p><p>“Not at all,” Remus said quickly, before Sirius could say anything. He looked over to the gilt cage where Fawkes, Dumbledore’s real phoenix, was perched and staring intently at them.</p><p>Somewhere nearby, a clock ticked. It sounded like a metronome. Dumbledore did not speak, and merely inspected both of them with his silvery blue eyes. Sirius tried to say something and Dumbledore merely put his palm up to silence him. The minutes ticked onwards. Remus’s head felt untethered to his body. His thoughts were soaring everywhere. The last time that it had been just him and Sirius in this room with Dumbledore, without any of their fellow Marauders or future members of Order of the Phoenix, it had been several days after the ill-thought, cruel prank that had almost killed Severus Snape and had made Remus a killer. The memory of that tense, horrible conversation, as Dumbledore had calmly asked Remus what he considered a fitting punishment for his best friend, roommate, and the love of his life (not that Dumbledore was privy to the last part, of course), made Remus shiver. Remus had not given an answer and Dumbledore had imposed his own penalty – a month full of detentions to start off sixth year, and being permanently banned from the Hogwarts Quidditch team. He never quite understood what had gone through Dumbledore’s mind in making them face one another just to impose his own idea of justice. Remus wondered briefly whether Sirius remembered that too. He did not dare to look over at him while they were sitting in front of Dumbledore.</p><p>“I trust that you are enjoying your time here as professors?” Dumbledore asked mildly.</p><p>“Very much so,” Remus blurted out immediately. “It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.”</p><p>Sirius nodded next to him.</p><p>“I hear good things about both of you from the students,” Dumbledore said, standing up and pacing around the office. Remus’s ears perked up as Dumbledore walked behind them and then finally returned to his desk. “It seems that you both have excelled in teaching, Remus over the past year and a half, Sirius, after a full semester. I commend your efforts and interest in teaching the students of this great institution.”</p><p>“We care very much for our students.” Sirius said, with the faint edge of a crack in his voice that made Remus want to lean over and hold him tight, Dumbledore be damned.</p><p>“The mark of a good teacher is knowing what to teach, and perhaps more importantly, when to stop teaching,” Dumbledore said gravely. “There comes a point when all of our students teach us more than we can teach ourselves.”</p><p>The three of them nodded silently. Remus took stock of his own students and what he had appreciated in them – the exemplary witchcraft exhibited by Hermione Granger, the loyalty that raced through Ron Weasley’s veins, the impulsive brilliance harnessed by Ginny Weasley, the artistic talents of Dean Thomas and the more fiery talents of his partner-in-crime, Seamus Finnegan, the kindness exuded by Cedric Diggory, the sense of humor brought by Angelina Johnson, the unceasing curiosity of Luna Lovegood, the relentless creativity of the Weasley twins, the quiet bravery of Neville Longbottom, and of course, the unparalleled thoughtfulness of Harry Potter.</p><p>Remus’s eyes started to water despite his best intentions. He could not bring himself to leave his students so soon after he had met them. He would beg if he had to, he decided, and he would fight about it with Sirius later.</p><p>“I think all three of us know why I called you to my office,” Dumbledore said quietly, and he pulled out the piece of parchment on which Sirius had written his confession of love to Andromeda. “I received this from Severus, as well as a notice from him that the two of you were, shall we say, engaging in amorous pursuits while you were supposed to be chaperoning the Yule Ball.”</p><p>Remus hung his head. Next to him, he could feel Sirius squirming in his seat.</p><p>“Remus had nothing to do with all of this. I can explain,” Sirius began, but Dumbledore cut him short once more. He rolled up the letter and tied it with a piece of twine.</p><p>“No need, Sirius,” Dumbledore said, beckoning Fawkes to him. He turned to the multi-colored bird, which had settled itself on Dumbledore’s desk with a sweep of its feathered tail. “Please deliver this to Mrs. Andromeda Tonks. Ensure that no one else receives it.”</p><p>It seemed to Remus that Fawkes bowed his head before taking the parchment and soaring off. Remus was open-mouthed. Next to him, Sirius gripped his hand without thinking.</p><p>“Are you going to fire us?” Sirius blurted out.</p><p>“No, certainly not,” Dumbledore replied with a trace of amusement. Remus felt as though someone had injected pure relief into his veins.</p><p>“Is Severus going to report us to the Ministry for, er, being unregistered?” Remus raised tentatively.</p><p>“He will be doing no such thing,” Dumbledore said. “I have made that clear already.”</p><p>“Why are you letting us get off easy?” Sirius asked skeptically.</p><p>Dumbledore smiled. “Mostly because I expect that this will remain between us. While I am not one to stifle affections, I believe this is a situation that merits it. I am not one to stand in the way of love, the most potent form of magic of all. But you will hopefully allow me to offer two thoughts to you and indulge this old man in his ramblings for a bit. First, I will remind you that your duties are to the school, and that you both are professors charged with maintaining propriety and setting examples for your students. As a result, though I do not plan to punish you in any such way for this, considering that you are both grown adults, I will request that you keep this quiet.”</p><p>“How is that fair?”</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus said with gritted teeth. “Let’s not.”</p><p>“No, I want an explanation.”</p><p>Dumbledore smiled. “I am not ordering you around, Sirius. You are a grown man at this point. I am simply asking that you not.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“<em>Sirius</em>.”</p><p>Dumbledore looked thoughtful. “No, Remus, Sirius has a fair point. I believe that he very kindly reminded me in October of what he perceived as certain arbitrary decisions that shaped the lives of everyone in this room, and so I suppose I owe an explanation. The reason that I ask that you maintain decorum is not so much for the sake of your students, but for your own sakes. You both certainly know the dangers of living as you are – as two men. I know the dangers myself.”</p><p>Remus and Sirius gave each other a look.</p><p>Dumbledore continued, either oblivious to their curiosity or pushing past it anyways. “The world will not look kindly upon the two of you, more because Sirius is the heir to a very well-known lineage, and even more so because of Remus’s condition. I am asking this in part to save both of you a good deal of grief. It’s for your own good.”</p><p>It made sense to Remus, not that this made any difference to Sirius. Honestly, Remus was surprised that Dumbledore had not ordered them to stay quiet about it. Sirius looked as though he wanted to give Dumbledore a piece of his mind anyways, then looked over at Remus and seemed to soften. He sat back in his seat.</p><p>“Fine,” Sirius said curtly. “We will keep it quiet. As long as Snape keeps his mouth shut to the Ministry about <em>certain other things</em>.”</p><p>Dumbledore leaned back in his seat. “It sounds like we’re on the same page, then. I’m delighted to hear it.” He looked over at the hourglass closest to his desk.</p><p>“Is that all, Headmaster?” Sirius asked, emphasizing the last word with a sarcastic flourish.</p><p>“Almost, though I ask that I be allowed to speak to Remus alone for this one.”</p><p>“Anything you want to say to Remus, you can say in front of me,” Sirius said hotly.</p><p>Remus put a hand on his forearm. “Wait for me outside.”</p><p>Sirius looked upset. “But…”</p><p>“Please,” Remus said in a low voice, keenly aware of Dumbledore watching them.</p><p>Like a sullen teenager, Sirius stood up and turned briskly on his heel to walk all the way down the corridor. The portrait of Phineas Nigellus insulted him on the way out, though Sirius ignored him with his chin held high haughtily. Remus heard him walking down the stairs and then silence.</p><p>“I must say, I always speculated that the two of you were somewhat more intimate than friends when you were classmates,” Dumbledore said.</p><p>Remus felt himself turning red. Had his boss truly asked him to stay to talk to him about his relationship with Sirius?</p><p>As though Dumbledore had read his mind, the old man laughed shortly. “Do not fret, Remus. I did not ask you here to ask about how the two of you became committed partners, though I assume it must be a ballad for the ages. I wanted to talk to you about Peter Pettigrew.”</p><p>Remus blanched at hearing the name. He spoke coldly. “What about him?”</p><p>“I would like for you and Sirius to visit him in Azkaban.”</p><p>Remus stared at Dumbledore as though he had suddenly started speaking Mermish. “But…Pettigrew’s been kissed by the Dementors,” he said faintly. “Why?”</p><p>“That’s correct. And based on my reports from Azkaban, he has been in poor health recently. Not on the brink of dying, but it seems that this will happen within the year. I believe, however, that there are certain insights on his relationship with Lord Voldemort that may prove useful in preventing his return, whenever and however that may be. And that requires visiting him.”</p><p>“But he can’t talk to us? Right? He has no soul,” Remus pleaded.</p><p>Dumbledore nodded. “That is correct and yet not so. He can still talk and function without a soul. He has been stripped of one, of course. But he still maintains his memories, though without any of the emotional notes that are naturally embedded in them for the rest of us. That said, there are still some triggers that would be able to garner a more complete sense of the memory, with as much emotion as the kiss of a Dementor would permit. I would go myself and pluck his memory out for my Pensieve, but it would be nearly futile. Do you know why that is?”</p><p>Remus shook his head, having a sneaking suspicion as to the reason but refusing to validate Dumbledore’s question.</p><p>“Because he remembers you and Sirius. And the memory of the betrayal of Lily and James Potter…”</p><p>Here, Remus gripped the arms on his chair for strength.</p><p>“…Will be entangled with his memories of the two of you and your group of friends. If you were to go and ask him about his betrayal, we might be able to learn something useful.”</p><p>Remus coughed. “How…how could you ask us to go? After everything he did?”</p><p>“I understand this is a difficult and sensitive matter, which is why I am presenting this now. I would like for the two of you to go in the late spring. Azkaban is a terrible, terrible place, and it may take some strength for Sirius to be able to return.”</p><p>“I’m not bringing this up to him. I’ll go alone if I have to. Sirius can’t, you can’t make him go back there,” Remus said helplessly.</p><p>Dumbledore looked at him with some pity. “Unfortunately, it is Sirius who truly would produce the most poignant emotions in Peter. He has undoubtedly suffered. But I ask both of you to put that pain to the side for one day and do this, which may have significant implications for the future, whether Lord Voldemort returns or someone else takes his place. Certainly, it will take some time to wrap your mind around it. I do not intend for you to go until the spring, as I mentioned.”</p><p>Remus stood up suddenly. He felt woozy, as though he had drunk too much fire whiskey.</p><p>“Why didn’t you just ask Sirius himself while he was here?”</p><p>Dumbledore stood up and went over to one of his bookshelves, leafing through books at random. He seemed to ignore Remus’s question entirely and then finally spoke.</p><p>“Because Sirius cares more about you than he does about anything else, Remus. I am counting on you to convince him that this is necessary to the greater cause that you both signed up to fight almost two decades ago.”</p><p>“And what if we don’t want to fight that fight anymore?” Remus asked bravely. Increasingly absurd thoughts darted throughout his mind - running away with Sirius and Harry to the States, changing their identities with Polyjuice Potion, fighting Dumbledore himself on the spot. Each one was more pleasant than having this conversation right now.</p><p>Dumbledore looked at him with pity. “Then, it will fall on others, likely those younger than yourselves, to fight when the time comes.”</p><p>
  <em>Harry. Ron. Hermione. No, Dumbledore can't mean them, surely not. </em>
</p><p>Remus’s wild thoughts faltered and then collapsed into nothingness.</p><p>“Happy New Year, Remus. May this year bring you happiness, prosperity,” Dumbledore looked up at Remus with serious, contemplative blue eyes, “and strength.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus did not think it necessary to bring the second part of his conversation with Dumbledore to Sirius just yet. When Sirius cornered him afterwards, he made up a story about Dumbledore wanting to discuss the ingredients of the Wolfsbane Potion, and that was the end of that. Though he hated keeping secrets from Sirius, Remus imagined that he would be able to tell Sirius another day in this new year, when their nerves were not quite as chafed and raw, when he could make strides in figuring out a plan to keep them from ever having to complete Dumbledore’s plan, and when he could be more certain that Sirius would not burst into Dumbledore’s office and attempt to hex him on the spot for even suggesting that the students of Hogwarts would have to fight against the forces of darkness if they refused to do so themselves. To be frank, Remus could not promise that he would not join Sirius in trying to curse Dumbledore if he asked politely enough. His own vitriol towards the Headmaster had swelled since the moment that they had stepped into his office and had been near the brink of explosion during the moment when Dumbledore had asked Remus to convince Sirius to go to Azkaban to visit Peter Pettigrew.</p><p>Sirius complained vehemently about Dumbledore for the rest of New Year’s Eve. Throughout his impassioned spiels denouncing Dumbledore and his seeming all-powerful nature during that long afternoon, he returned to the reality that Dumbledore had not done anything to protect Harry in the wake of Lily and James’s death, had allowed Sirius to rot in prison, and had not made a single attempt to prevent Remus from living a difficult, increasingly impoverished life over a dozen years. He would not (or could not) let go of Remus’s hand for the rest of the afternoon. Remus did not mind in the slightest, even when Sirius pulled him around the room as he paced.</p><p>Later that night, after Sirius seemed to have exhausted his vigorous criticisms of the Headmaster, they prepared for the arrival of a new year. With the clinks of their champagne flutes, they toasted to their jobs and to each other and to Harry James Potter, their nephew and godson and the kindest boy they had ever met. Their toasts grew increasingly nonsensical as the evening continued, so that by ten-thirty, they were toasting to the Giant Squid that inhabited the Great Lake.</p><p>“It was a year,” Sirius said sloppily at around eleven o’clock. He was wearing a sequined shirt that caught the light whenever he moved. Remus was mesmerized by the suite of colors that flashed around the room. His own sweater was less colorful, though still too colorful for him. The cable-knit sweater was a bright buttercup yellow shade that Sirius insisted made his eyes look like liquid gold.</p><p>“That’s an understatement,” Remus laughed, and he took a sip of his drink. The champagne burned his throat on the way down.</p><p>Sirius tallied up the events on his slightly calloused fingers and rubbed at them. “Spent six months as Padfoot and ruined my beautiful hands in the process.”</p><p>Without missing a beat, Remus leaned in and kissed both of his wrists delicately, before brushing his mouth over Sirius’s fingers. “Still beautiful.”</p><p>Sirius grinned at him and then continued using his fingers to count off the events. “Let’s see. What a year, what a year. Showed up to the Shack in June. Harry almost decked me first – can’t blame the lad, though, James would’ve done the same. You found out I was innocent. Pettigrew got…well, you know. You moved in after I begged you because I couldn’t do anything by myself. And then Harry moved into Grimmauld Place. Then the re-trial in July and the shit ton of money that the Ministry gave me for their own screw-ups. And the best summer I’ve had in decades. The Quidditch World Cup. Started here as a professor, and figured out how to teach classes and got interrogated by my students. And then you.”</p><p>“What about me?” Remus asked quizzically, leaning over to pour himself another glass. Sirius held his own glass out so that Remus could top it off.</p><p>“Everything about you. The best thing that happened to me this year was you.”</p><p>Remus glowed with pleasure. He could feel the heat on his cheeks. “You’re the best thing to ever happen to me in any year.”</p><p>Sirius heaved himself over towards Remus on the couch so that he was practically sitting in Remus’s lap. He leaned against him so heavily and entwined his legs so intricately with Remus’s that Remus was not sure whether his limbs belonged to him or to Sirius, neither, both.</p><p>“Next year’s gonna be even better,” Sirius said thoughtfully.</p><p>“Oh yeah, and why is that?” Remus smirked. He was so used to terrible years followed by even worse years, with limited exceptions, that the idea of hoping for a better year was strange and exotic to him. Still, he reckoned that with Sirius, every day was sort of like a celebration. And that was enough for him to want to celebrate New Year’s with the expensive champagne that Sirius had imported from the Champagne region of France. It was enough for him to believe that 1995 would truly be a year worth remembering. It was enough to want to believe that the following year would be better than 1994, which was already the best year that Remus had had since 1980.</p><p>“Because we’re going to get married next year,” Sirius said with a wicked smile, tilting his chin up so he could meet Remus’s eyes.</p><p>“Come off it. When we get laughed out of the Ministry, at the very least, for trying to apply for a marriage license, you’re going to remember this moment.”</p><p>“Let them laugh. I don’t care,” Sirius said zealously. “You want to do it, I want to do it, so who even needs them to be involved in it? Shit, I could marry you right now, at this very moment, make an unbreakable vow that I will love you for the rest of my life. I could stick my arm out right now and promise it.”</p><p>Remus felt bold and mildly intoxicated enough to add, “So why don’t you, then? Right here, right now?”</p><p>“Don’t tempt me. I want Harry here for it too,” Sirius said simply. “Also, you deserve a place that’s more romantic than this, no offense to your room. A real honeymoon, too. Honey-moony. Get it? Because you’re Moony? And I’m…honey?”</p><p>“Yeah, I get it. So where would we go on this honeymoon?” Remus humored him.</p><p>Sirius kissed Remus’s face and brushed his mouth over the scars that crisscrossed his cheekbones. Then, he kissed his nose, his forehead, and his jawline. Remus closed his eyes.</p><p>“Let’s see. We could go to Paris, and I could dazzle you with my French, mon cher. Back to the Lake District, maybe, though we could go there whenever I suppose. I heard Egypt is really something spectacular, too, remember that Molly Weasley told us about her son who works there? Or, I know, we could go to America…”</p><p>At this, he broke out into the chorus of Bowie’s <em>Young Americans</em>.</p><p>“Maybe we should take Harry with us, if we go somewhere particularly exciting,” Sirius said animatedly. “He’d like to see the States, I’m sure.”</p><p>“Why are you out here planning a honeymoon, again?” Remus laughed.</p><p>“Because the wedding is already a given,” Sirius said dismissively. “Keep up.”</p><p>Remus grabbed the sides of Sirius’s face and pulled him up to kiss him on the mouth.</p><p>“You’re a piece of work, Sirius Black. But you are my piece of work.”</p><p>“You love me?”</p><p>“I do,” Remus admitted. “More than anything.”</p><p>Sirius’s eyes lit up. Then, he suddenly turned thoughtful. “You know how I know I love you?”</p><p>“How? Why?” Remus asked curiously.</p><p>“My whole life, I grew up surrounded by people who never actually cared about me, and who never even tried to understand me a little bit. And yeah, my mother did worse things to me than not try to understand me, and my father…well, I’d rather not go down that path. When I met you and James, it felt like someone understood me for the very first time. That’s what I feel when I’m with you every day. Like I went from wearing James’s Invisibility Cloak all the time to feeling seen for who I am. You make me feel like I’m not hidden anymore. And you make me feel like I don’t want to hide.”</p><p>Remus felt as though he wanted to cry, but feared that if he started letting tears roll down his face, he might never stop again and wash away the entire castle instead. “I feel the same way,” he managed to choke out.</p><p>And then, Remus felt a stab of guilt for keeping this secret from Sirius. Here was someone who trusted him enough to expose all of the vulnerabilities that he had kept under lock and key for decades, who counted on him to be as honest with him as he himself was. And though Remus did not want to ruin the final quarter of an hour before the New Year, he thought it best to blurt out the second part of the conversation that he had had with Dumbledore and then at least enter 1995 knowing that both of them were aware of something that would loom over them for the rest of the winter.</p><p>“I need to tell you something right now.”</p><p>“Are you trying to break up with me? Too much, too soon?” Sirius asked with an air of nonchalance that did not erase the brief flash of panic on his face.</p><p>“Not at all. I need to tell you something because I love you, and I see you, and I want you to know that I don’t want to hide any secrets from you. I’ve spent so long hiding from people, and I don’t want to do that to you.”</p><p>Sirius’s eyes flickered. “Is it that you’re a werewolf? Because I kind of guessed. Lucky for you, I think the whole Dark Creature thing is hot.”</p><p>Remus nudged him with a laugh and then sat up to face him. “No, you wanker. No. This…is more serious. It’s about the conversation that I had with Dumbledore afterwards. Our conversation wasn’t about the Wolfsbane Potion at all. I lied.”</p><p>To his surprise, Sirius looked guilty. “I know it wasn’t.”</p><p>“It was about – wait, what?”</p><p>“A few weeks ago, I confiscated these Extendable Ears off Fred and George Weasley, they’re like little telephone things – I think, I don’t really remember how those work – and they’re essentially undetectable. I carry them everywhere. Very helpful for eavesdropping. Well, anyways, as I was leaving, I may have…dropped one casually in Dumbledore’s office so I could figure out what he was saying.”</p><p>Remus felt like he had a stupid, dumbstruck look on his face. “So you know what he wants us to do in the spring, then?”</p><p>“I do.”</p><p>“But you’re…not…miffed about it?” Remus stammered out. He was not sure whether it was the champagne or the scenario that had him tumbling over his words, head over heels.</p><p>“Oh no, Moony, let’s not get it twisted. I am absolutely furious, spitting mad really, that Dumbledore would try to get you alone, would try to <em>threaten</em> you by referring to Harry – how dare he even <em>think</em> about Harry, that old son of a bitch – and would insinuate that we in any way owe him or anyone to go visit Pettigrew in that horrible, horrible place. But I’m not scared. Because we’re not going to do it and he’s not going to intimidate anyone in this family – you, me, or Harry and his friends – to do squat. He can go fuck himself instead.”</p><p>Remus stared at Sirius, who looked as defiant and as haughty as Sirius had ever seen him. He looked like the version of himself that Remus had met when he was eleven years old, with his features blazing and his lip sticking out arrogantly and yet somewhat childishly.</p><p>“So you have a plan, then?” Remus asked, surprised.</p><p>“Not at all,” Sirius said breezily, lifting Remus’s wrist up gently so that he could check the time and then refilling both of their champagne flutes until the bubbles threatened to pour over the sides of the glass. “But we’ll figure it out together. Five minutes to midnight.”</p><p>“Are you mad at me?”</p><p>“No, not really. I wish you had told me, but I figure you have some good-hearted, typically Moony reason for it. I heard you tell him that you wanted to do it alone. But don’t worry, we’re not going to have to do this at all.”</p><p>Remus could not tell whether he wanted to shout at Sirius for being so unreasonably confident when they had absolutely no reason to be in the grand scheme of things, considering the histories and tragedies that both of them had accumulated over the last twenty years, or whether he wanted to snog him until neither of them had any sense of what time it was or what year it was. His tendency towards pragmatism drew him towards the first. But the recklessness that came with several bottles of hundred-galleon champagne, not to mention the boldness that coursed through him whenever he was in Sirius’s presence, made the second the more tempting option.</p><p>As a result, the opening minutes of the year 1995 found Remus Lupin and Sirius Black kissing feverishly on Remus’s couch, making out like lovestruck teenagers.</p><p>***</p><p>New Year’s Day itself and the following day passed placidly and without even a faint whiff of excitement, which was perfectly fine for Remus. They lounged in bed for the entire two days, nursing vicious hangovers that were attributable to the bottles of champagne that they had downed on nearly empty stomachs to ring in 1995. While Sirius wanted to beg Madam Pomfrey for two pepper-up potions to get them through the headaches and stomach grumbles, Remus stubbornly refused to annoy her with the consequences of their bad decision-making.</p><p>Classes were due to restart on Tuesday, the third of January, and Remus had never been happier to put on his teaching robes, pack his briefcase full of papers to return to his students, and head to the Great Hall for breakfast. Sirius, whose New Year’s resolution had been to eat breakfast on time for once, joined him for a particularly early breakfast. Unfortunately, the first day of classes got off almost immediately on the wrong note, as they ran into Severus Snape just outside the entrance to the Great Hall. He turned towards them with cold and almost impossibly dark eyes that inexplicably lit up as he saw Sirius and Remus. That was odd, Remus thought with a swooping feeling. He would have thought that Snape would have ignored both of them decidedly, or else have looked at least somewhat disgusted by them following his conversation with Dumbledore.</p><p>“Hello, Severus,” Remus said uncertainly as Snape moved towards them.</p><p>“New Year, same Snivellus,” Sirius called out. “Is your new year’s resolution to bathe once?”</p><p>Snape gave Remus a deeply unpleasant smile. “Lupin, you might want to ask your pet mutt to hold his tongue, lest he find himself in hot water with the Headmaster once again.”</p><p>Sirius flinched slightly at the reference to Dumbledore, but covered up nicely. “Didn’t Dumbledore tell you to hold <em>your</em> tongue?”</p><p>“Indeed,” Snape said, pulling out his wand as though he were inspecting it for flaws. “The Headmaster ordered me to turn over your stupid, foolish letter to him and then ordered me to avoid telling the Ministry that both of you have been running amok around the wizarding world without a care for the rule of law. I, unlike you, follow the Headmaster’s orders perfectly – no more, and no less.”</p><p>Remus tried to control his breath. Snape would keep his mouth shut to the Ministry about Sirius being an illegal Animagus and Remus being an unregistered werewolf, Dumbledore had not fired them for their relationship, and Sirius would come up with some sort of convoluted plan to ensure that they never had to see Peter Pettigrew in Azkaban at some point. <em>That was it, right?</em> Remus felt a nagging sensation that there was something missing, but the murderous looks that Sirius and Snape were giving one another distracted him too much.</p><p>“We should get to breakfast,” Remus said, pulling Sirius gently by the sleeves of his black robes.</p><p>“Yes, indeed,” Snape said softly. “I can imagine that there is much to catch up on.”</p><p>He glided down the corridors, and Remus could hear him deducting five points off Justin Finch-Fletchley from Hufflepuff for wearing his tie slightly crooked.</p><p>“I can’t stand him,” Sirius growled. “I’ll kill him.”</p><p>“You’ll do no such thing,” Remus said firmly, and he pushed open the door to the Great Hall. The sky today was a brilliant, sunny blue speckled with wispy clouds. It looked almost too beautiful to be a January day, and Remus was grateful that there was no reason for them to venture out into the frigid grounds.  </p><p>Breakfast was strangely lively, though Remus chalked it up to the return of all of his students that had decided to miss out on the Yule Ball, or perhaps the lingering gossip of the Beauxbatons and Durmstrang students that had joined them for breakfast. He thought that one or two of his students was looking funnily at him and Sirius, but wrote <em>that</em> particular thought off as paranoia after the fears of the last few days and the tense conversation that they had just had with Severus. The Slytherin table got very quiet as they walked by, and then burst into a communal fit of laughter that made Remus’s hackles rise. Sirius stared at the students condescendingly, managing to summon up every ounce of the ancient and most noble house of Black that ran through his veins. They almost immediately turned down to their breakfasts.</p><p>“Is it just me,” Sirius said, as they trotted up the steps to the fairly empty teachers’ dais, “or is everyone extraordinarily and annoyingly talkative today? Also, am I hallucinating, or are they looking at us? Most importantly, do you think I can deduct fifty points from Slytherin for the students who were laughing too loudly?”</p><p>Remus snorted. “Yes, yes, and no. I thought I was imagining it, though.”</p><p>“You’re not. Something funny’s going on,” Sirius said suspiciously.</p><p>They sat down to eat porridge (for Remus, laden with sugar) and pancakes (for Sirius). They had not started eating in earnest when Harry, Ron, and Hermione rushed up to them at the teachers’ table. Suddenly, the pieces began to come together before he even opened their mouth. He watched the three students as they approached them. Harry looked angry, with his green eyes burning with indignation behind his glasses. Ron looked uncharacteristically nervous. Hermione looked set and fierce.</p><p>“What’s happening?” Sirius asked, putting his elbows on the table. Remus wondered whether he knew, or whether he was genuinely in the dark about what had happened. He decided to play along for everyone’s sake. “You three look like there’s a troll in the dungeon.”</p><p>“That already happened in first year,” Ron said dismissively. “You both missed it.”</p><p>Remus and Sirius exchanged a brief look of disbelief. The safety standards of Hogwarts seemed to have only gotten worse since they had graduated.</p><p>“There’s something going on,” Harry said quietly. He scratched at the back of his head.</p><p>“Are you alright, Harry?” Remus asked.</p><p>“Who are we hexing?” Sirius demanded, brandishing his wand.</p><p>Remus stepped on his foot underneath the tables. “<em>Professors</em>, Sirius. We’re literally professors.”</p><p>“Please, professors, we’ve heard some news about the two of you, and we thought you might want to know before classes start,” Hermione said, wringing her hands together. Her expression had turned into a jumbled mix of determination and anxiety. She fell suddenly silent. Ron looked at her, then at Harry, and when Harry did not say anything, he turned to Remus and Sirius and began talking quickly under his breath.</p><p>“We heard something from the Slytherins, they all found out last night and it’s been spreading like wildfire. But it can’t be true? Though some of the Ravenclaws think it is too. Apparently Snape–”</p><p>“Professor Snape, Ron,” Remus said automatically, though he gritted his teeth through it all.</p><p>Ron hesitated and then got slightly pink in the face as he continued.</p><p>“–well, he told some of the Slytherins that you both were…<em>well</em>…a couple!”</p><p>“That git did <em>what</em>?” Sirius roared, and the Great Hall fell silent. The students eating breakfast turned to look at them. Remus resisted the very real temptation to slap his hand across Sirius’s mouth to silence him, but figured that this would not help the stares and whispers in the slightest. They waited for a while as the conversations drifted back into normalcy. Remus put his face in his hands and then pulled at his face. He felt the beginnings of a headache pulsing at his temples. Underneath the table, he took Sirius’s hand. Sirius squeezed back just a little too hard.</p><p>“Aren’t there laws about lying about people, and stuff? I think Percy talks about them sometimes. I reckon you could take Snape before the Wizengamot or something for saying something that’s not true,” Ron offered.</p><p>Hermione looked at him with an expression of disbelief. Harry glanced at Ron out of the sides of his peripheral vision and then looked away quickly. Neither Remus nor Sirius met his eyes.</p><p>“Hang on.” Ron said in a hushed tone, and Remus could almost see the gears starting to turn behind his bright eyes. “It’s not <em>true</em>, is it?”</p><p>“Honestly, Ronald,” Hermione said in a cold voice. “You’re less perceptive than Professor Binns, and the man has been dead for decades and hasn’t realized.”</p><p>Ron looked as though he had been Stupefied. His cheeks flushed until they were almost the same color as his hair. “Bloody hell.”</p><p>“It’s not a problem, is it?” Harry finally asked Ron, sounding rather snappy.</p><p>“Course not,” Ron said, looking from Sirius to Remus and back to his friends. The color finally began creeping out of his cheeks. “Just…surprised…that’s all. Um, I mean, Fred and George reckon Percy is…also…er…maybe…” He let the words drip out of his mouth, and then stopped.</p><p>“I hate Snape,” Harry said viciously. Remus could not say anything to the contrary or chide Harry on speaking that way to his professors, as he did not think that he could swallow the ball of anger that was now lodged in his throat.</p><p>“I feel the exact same way,” Sirius said simply.</p><p>“Are you going to get in trouble? Are you getting fired?” Harry asked, looking at the both of them with suddenly fearful eyes. “I’ll talk to Dumbledore myself if I have to.”</p><p>“We will too,” Hermione added.</p><p>It would have taken too long to explain to the three of them how they had had this conversation with Dumbledore just a few days before. When Remus spoke, it was with a gentle, mild, and yet unmistakably firm tone.</p><p>“No. We’re not. Harry, Hermione, Ron – I’m grateful that you’ve told us. It explains a lot about…well…the general atmosphere in the room today,” Remus said with a little bit of a smile.</p><p>“So what are you going to do?” Harry asked.</p><p>“I think the best thing to do now is talk to Dumbledore.”</p><p>“You’re right, Professor Lupin. It’s the best thing to do right now,” Hermione agreed with Remus. “Dumbledore will fix this, somehow.”</p><p>Remus wanted to laugh at how Hermione’s statement was quite off the mark. He wanted to speak to Dumbledore not so much so he could fix the hole that Severus had dug for them, but so that he could explain how he had not kept Snape from speaking about their relationship. He wondered briefly whether Dumbledore had done this intentionally, after Remus had made clear that he and Sirius would not be eager to do his bidding anymore. He could not go down that rabbit hole, lest he find something rather unpleasant waiting for him at the bottom. With a sudden rush of energy, Remus pushed his chair away from the table.</p><p>“Yeah, and maybe he’ll fire Snape!” Ron said excitedly.</p><p>“We’ll see the three of you later,” Remus said, and the trio began slowly walking down from the table. Harry paused and ran back up at the last moment. Putting his hands on the table, he looked at them with unflinching seriousness.</p><p>“I’ll jinx whoever I have to. Even Snape. Especially Snape.”</p><p>“Harry, that won’t be necessary,” Remus said mildly. “But we do appreciate the offer.”</p><p>Sirius clapped a hand on his shoulder. “You’re your father’s son, Harry.”</p><p>“And your mother’s,” Remus reminded him.</p><p>Harry beamed.</p><p>“Oh, and also, Dean Thomas wanted you both to know that if it’s true, he doesn’t care and he thinks you’re both wicked cool anyways.”</p><p>Sirius snorted. “I think Dean is the current president of the Remus Lupin Fan Club. I can’t blame the bloke, seeing as I founded the club. But his message is appreciated, thank you, Harry.”</p><p>Harry smiled at them and then headed off towards the Gryffindor table after Ron and Hermione, who looked to be engaged in a very fast-paced conversation.</p><p>Remus prodded Sirius. “Let’s go.”</p><p>“Oh, Moony, I don’t want to talk to that man,” Sirius said stubbornly.</p><p>“Then who else would we talk to, right now?” Remus asked impatiently. “We can’t just sit back and do nothing.”</p><p>Now that his godson was gone, Sirius’s grey eyes looked like they were rimmed with fire. Though part of Remus was apprehensive at how Sirius would react in front of Dumbledore, he figured that there was nothing else to be done. They disappeared out of the teachers’ entrance to the Great Hall and marched towards Dumbledore’s office. Remus was grateful that they did not run into students on the way there. He did not want to think of the questions that they would ask in the meantime. Something told him that not everyone might be as kind as Dean Thomas, for example.</p><p>“Fizzing Whizbees,” Remus shouted as they reached the Gargoyle. The doors remained solidly shut.</p><p>“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Sirius snarled. “Fizzing Whizbees, motherfucker.”</p><p>The hideous Gargoyle stared back at them cheekily.</p><p>“Lemon drops, sugar quills, chocolate frogs?” Remus tried, remembering that Dumbledore usually made his password his preferred kind of candy for the week.</p><p>“The password for the week,” a stern voice called out from behind them, “is Bertie Botts.”</p><p>The Gargoyle gave way, revealing the staircase leading up to Dumbledore’s office. Remus turned around and faced the firm, unyielding stare of Professor McGonagall. Her mouth was set in a hard line.</p><p>“Good morning Black, Lupin,” Professor McGonagall said with a nod. “Happy New Year. I trust that we are all here to speak to the Headmaster about the same thing, yes?”</p><p>Remus flushed. While the dynamics were considerably more complicated, in essence, they were all there to discuss his love life.</p><p>“Yes, I think so,” Remus said finally.</p><p>“Right. We’re here to discuss how Snape is a vicious traitor who outed us to all of the students, right?” Sirius demanded as they began climbing up the steps to Dumbledore’s office for the second time in four days.</p><p>Professor McGonagall made a sound with the back of her throat that neither confirmed nor denied the question. When they reached the top of the tower, Remus saw Snape sitting in the chair where he had been seated just a few days ago. Dumbledore was eyeing him quite seriously, and then looked up to Professor McGonagall, Remus, and Sirius. Snape stood up suddenly.</p><p>“<em>You</em>,” Sirius said with a truly terrifying tone, pointing at Snape. He was so angry that his hands trembled. “Weren’t you told to keep your mouth shut? And you,” he shouted, looking at Dumbledore with disgust, “didn’t you tell him? Didn’t you tell <em>us</em> that you had told him?”</p><p>“Sirius, please,” Professor McGonagall said, and Remus was shocked to hear her address Sirius by first name, something that she had not done in the entire time that Remus had known her. “Let’s not get into the juvenile habit of pointing fingers at each other.”</p><p>Either Sirius was also surprised at Professor McGonagall’s use of his name, or he was more willing to obey her wishes than he often appeared, but either way, he lowered his arm. He continued to look from Snape’s dour expression and back to Dumbledore’s mildly bewildered one, though, as though his look could burn holes in both of them.</p><p>“Minerva, I’m pleased that you received my message. Am I to assume that you collected Remus and Sirius, or did they make their way here of their own accord?”</p><p>“The latter, Headmaster,” Professor McGonagall said tightly.</p><p>Dumbledore sighed deeply and leaned back in his chair. “It seems that while the three of you are indeed, adult men and rather capable professors, something about being in this academic setting has encouraged certain childish behaviors in all of you.”</p><p>“But we didn’t even–” Sirius began, and Remus gave him a look that quieted him.</p><p>“It seems that Severus took to heart my commands to not reveal any of the matters that we discussed yesterday. And he will continue to remain silent about those things. However,” and here, Dumbledore eyed Snape with a look that Remus could not quite read, “it seems that when I asked Severus to exercise his best judgment in terms of mentioning your relationship, he chose to exercise it rather poorly and discuss the matters with another professor. Unfortunately, it seems that some students overheard.”</p><p>“Bullshit,” Sirius said.</p><p>“Headmaster,” Snape said silkily. “As I mentioned, it was a mere slip of the tongue, as I was discussing the matter with another professor whom I shall not mention out of respect for their privacy…”</p><p>“What about the respect for <em>our</em> privacy?” Sirius asked heatedly. He began rolling up his sleeves as though he would very much like to repeat the events of the night of Yule Ball once more. Snape stepped slightly away from him.</p><p>“And it seems that several Slytherin students were out of bed past curfew and had the audacity to listen into a private conversation between professors,” Snape finished slowly.</p><p>“So are we to believe then, Severus, that you did not in fact intend to make this news public?” Professor McGonagall asked sharply. Her tone could have cut into stone, Remus thought, and even Snape seemed to shrink slightly.</p><p>“Not at all, Minerva. It is a rather…unfortunate circumstance of a momentary lapse of judgment, for which I am quite sorry to the Headmaster.”</p><p>“And are you sorry to us, too?” Remus asked.</p><p>“Certainly,” Snape said, sounding completely unapologetic.</p><p>“Headmaster,” Professor McGonagall asked, “why wouldn’t you just command Severus to not mention something of this rather sensitive nature instead of leaving it to his own discretion?”</p><p>Dumbledore steepled his hands and looked over at the four of them. “Because I did not see this as a matter of life or death, Minerva. And there is a limit to which I can order my teachers to perform certain extra-curricular activities. He was certainly entitled to discuss it among adult friends. Needless to say,  of course, I am disappointed that Severus has chosen to engage in such behavior in the corridors where students could have heard him.”</p><p>“Headmaster, if you listen to what I’ve been saying, Black and Lupin have been engaged in <em>far worse</em> behavior in the corridors, for which they have not been–”</p><p>“Enough,” Professor McGonagall said firmly, and she eyed Severus distastefully over her glasses. “Really, now, Severus.”</p><p>“How are you going to punish him?” Sirius demanded.</p><p>Dumbledore looked mildly amused. “You are not schoolchildren, Sirius. I cannot very well deduct points off Slytherin House.”</p><p>“Are you kidding me?” Sirius snarled.</p><p>“No, Sirius.”</p><p>“Excuse me,” Remus spoke up suddenly. “You told us yesterday that you strongly recommended that we keep silent about this <em>for our own good</em>. So if we had decided to tell all of our students ourselves –”</p><p>“Then I would have been as helpless to stop the rounds from circling the school as I am now,” Dumbledore finished. “You may choose to pretend that the rumors are not true.”</p><p>“And if we don’t?” Sirius said, meeting Dumbledore’s steady gaze.</p><p>“Then, as I mentioned to the two of you, I have no intention of dismissing you from your posts, come what may. You are two consenting adults in a fully consensual relationship, a type of relationship that has not been unlawful in the British wizarding world since before the two of you were born. No one knows that Remus suffers from lycanthropy, and no one will know. However, Sirius, <em>you</em> are a part of a very famous lineage of blood purists and will undoubtedly attract attention for whoever you decide to spend your time with in a romantic setting. Not to mention, it appears that the students here are very curious about your personal life. The two of you will come under some scrutiny. Students may have questions, and they will almost certainly be curious, or cruel, or any variety of reactions about the two of you. Some may write to their parents, and their parents may have thoughts on the matter as well. I am perfectly happy to defend you to any parents who write to me and would happily speak to any students who have thoughts on the matter as well. All of this said, it may be in your best interests to pretend that the rumors are not true and to dismiss them as petty gossip.”</p><p>There were moments like this when Remus could almost forget that Dumbledore had been responsible for a litany of aches and pains in his life. For a moment, he thought of the child of eleven years who had heralded Dumbledore as a life-saving figure. It was pleasant to think of him as a protector. But then, as a film reel of images ran through his mind that ended with Dumbledore’s monstrous request to them just a few days ago, Remus collected himself. He looked over at Sirius, who looked very much as though he wanted to lash out at both Dumbledore and Snape. He opened his mouth but was interrupted suddenly by Professor McGonagall.</p><p>“It is rare that I disagree with you, Headmaster, but I cannot see your reasoning behind not giving Severus sterner instructions on the matter in the first place,” Professor McGonagall said. Remus could sense that there was quiet rage behind her placid expression, and he felt heartened.</p><p>“We agree to disagree, Minerva,” Dumbledore said calmly. “Though I am happy to discuss this further at another time. I believe that all of you have classes to teach in approximately a quarter of an hour, however, and so I will not be self-indulgent enough to take up more of your time. I hope that the new semester is a successful one.”</p><p>Snape nodded to Dumbledore and to Professor McGonagall, whipped his cloak behind him, and disappeared down the steps without a second look.</p><p>Sirius shrugged his shoulders up towards his ears, let them fall, and turned suddenly on his heel. Remus walked quickly after him, ignoring Phineas Nigellus screeching at Sirius about bringing dishonor on the familial name now more than ever.</p><p>“Fuck Dumbledore,” Sirius said as he stamped down the stairs. “And Snape. Both of them.”</p><p>“Black, Lupin,” Professor McGonagall said suddenly, meeting them halfway throughout the stairs. She was clutching at her pointed hat to keep it on her head. She looked at both of them with a look of unmistakable regret. “I am sorry.”</p><p>“That’s quite alright, Professor,” Remus said awkwardly. “It wasn’t your fault.”</p><p>“I already knew, of course, but the decision of Severus to share that news without your consent, even assuming that he did not intend for the students to know, is unacceptable.” Professor McGonagall exhaled sharply through her nose.</p><p>“You already knew?” Sirius asked, sounding amused. “And here I was thinking that I had convinced you of my undying love for <em>you</em>, Professor McGonagall.”</p><p>Professor McGonagall broke into a rare smile as they reached the bottom of the staircase. “My role as a Head of House is to be perceptive, as you are aware. And while you are not technically Gryffindors anymore, you will be my students until I no longer teach at this school, and even beyond that. It’s only natural that I picked up on certain…habits of yours over the last few months that you were both teaching here. It was clear that you fancied one another. ”</p><p>“Well, it wasn’t clear to me that Remus fancied me,” Sirius deadpanned.</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes.</p><p>“It means a lot for you to say that we’re your students, Professor McGonagall. We admire you very much, as you know,” Remus said kindly.</p><p>“You are welcome, Lupin. Now, if you do choose to remain silent about this, you have my full and unconditional support. If you choose another route, however, you will still have my full support, both as your colleague and as a former professor of yours,” Professor McGonagall said firmly. “But it is your decision. And I trust that you both have enough wisdom and courage to figure out how to separate your own voices from the voices of those around you.”</p><p>The words seemed to be stuck in Remus’s throat. Sirius brushed his hand surreptitiously and then carefully linked his pinky finger around Remus’s.</p><p>“Thank you,” Sirius said genuinely.</p><p>Professor McGonagall smiled once more at them. Remus wondered whether they had set some sort of personal record for smiles from her. Then, she walked away briskly.</p><p>“What now?” Remus sighed as they stood in the stairwell.</p><p>“You heard the man, he wants to deny, deny, deny, until we’re blue in the face.”</p><p>“I guess we can do that,” Remus said dully, running a hand through his hair and finding that it was more tousled than it had been this morning. He must have been picking at it subconsciously throughout that conversation. “Won’t be easy, but…”</p><p>“Well, what if we didn’t?” Sirius said suddenly, his expression softening somewhat from the harsh, angular look that he had had pasted on his face for what seemed like hours. His lips curled into a smirk.</p><p>Remus laughed nervously. “Then you heard him, can you imagine the Howlers from the parents screaming across the Great Hall? And the students with their questions? You remember how bad they were when you first started. They were deathly curious about your love life. When they find out it’s their Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, they’ll have questions for sure.”</p><p>“I don’t care what they ask,” Sirius said loftily. “And I don’t care if I get Howlers blown up in my face from now until June. What I care about is you, and what you want.”</p><p>“Me?” Remus exclaimed as they finally walked out of the stairwell. They noticed two Slytherins looking at them curiously and ducked into one of the private niches that they had once used for far more devious activities than a simple conversation. “I can’t make this decision alone.”</p><p>“And I’m not telling you to,” Sirius said softly. “What I’m saying is that Snape did us dirty, absolutely. I don’t believe him for one minute – students eavesdropping on them, yeah right, more like he told Draco Malfoy his damn self. But we have two options here – we either pretend it’s not true, or we embrace it one hundred percent and see what happens. We already know that we’re not going to get fired for it. Snivellus knows that he’s not allowed to talk about any of the other shit, or whatever blackmail Dumbledore clearly has hanging over his head will come crashing down on him. So the consequences rest entirely on what our students think or what their parents say, and that’s a risk that I don’t particularly mind facing. But I know you might, so I leave it in your hands.”</p><p>Remus cocked his head to the side and studied Sirius’s face. On the one hand, following Dumbledore’s suggestion would be the path of least resistance. He could ignore his students’ inquiries, try to maintain a safe distance from Sirius for a while until the gossip mill had run its course, and that very well might be the end of that. Snape would be satisfied that he had watched them sweat it out over the course of a single morning and he would know that Professor McGonagall was on their side if they ever did choose to make it public.</p><p>On the other hand, he could jump into the freezing waters below and take a plunge. Remus could still choose to avoid the inquiries that invaded his personal life, for the most part, but stop hiding that part of himself that he constantly felt like he had to stifle for the good of his job. It had taken him so long to get to this point that the idea of leaning over the railing and leaping to uncertainty was nerve-wracking. It was like telling the Marauders about being a werewolf once upon a time. Yet Remus realized after a moment that he would not be diving into the great unknown alone. He would have Sirius by his side, holding hands as they soared. The three students that he most cared about – Harry, of course, Hermione, and Ron – were already at the bottom waiting for him. So was Dean Thomas, and perhaps more students than he could imagine. Perhaps then, this would be less like jumping into the blackish depths of the Great Lake, and more like the still, gentle waters of the Lake District where he and Sirius had spent the August moon.</p><p>Remus had wondered all too often during his first year, and at times thereafter, whether the Sorting Hat had erred in placing him in Gryffindor. Many times, he did not feel particularly brave. Here was his opportunity to be fearless – perhaps too little, too late, and perhaps not in the way that he would have hoped, but maybe that was what courage truly meant. Courage meant taking stock and then taking control of a situation that no one expected or wanted to play out. It meant fighting through the thickets of malice, embarrassment, despair, and even what seemed like death itself. And courage, Remus thought as he caressed Sirius’s face and then kissed him furiously, meant more when you had someone to fight for and along with.</p><p>“Let’s do it,” Remus said breathlessly. He felt almost giddy despite the weight pressing down on his shoulders. </p><p>He stepped out of the niche. Sirius followed. Together, they walked through the corridors on the way to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, hands gripping one another as though they were holding onto something irreplaceably precious. In many ways, they were.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>some chapters just write themselves, even in the midst of real life being annoying. this is one of those chapters. ergo, the quick update!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw: homophobia and bigotry, though nothing graphic, and sandwiched by as much non-angst as possible</p><p>hope everyone stays safe! thanks to everyone who's read this fic, with particular thanks to those who comment/bookmark/leave kudos/etc. i can't tell you how much your words brighten my days. on another note, i cannot believe this is nearing 100k words...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Not a single student at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry knew a moment of peace that day. The school had not seen such a flurry of activity and speculation since the day that the escaped and reportedly deranged convict Sirius Black, now known as their exonerated and wildly good-looking Charms professor, had broken into Gryffindor Tower on the Halloween before last. After Professor Black had hollered from the teachers’ table at breakfast, almost certainly after finding out about the gossip floating around the school, anything and everything was fair game. Scores of students swapped notes, rumors, and observations throughout their first classes of the day. The frenzy startled even poor Professor Binns, who was shaken so profoundly that he almost realized he was dead.</p><p>Fewer swaths of students were more boisterous that morning than the fourth-year Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs that had double Defense Against the Dark Arts first thing on Tuesday. Throughout the entire class, Professor Lupin either pretended that he could not see the notes being passed along swiftly from hand to hand or was actually enraptured by his own presentation of a genuinely hideous-looking Dark Creature, named an Erkling. No one could confirm which was true. Right after the bell rang, Professor Lupin bolted out of the classroom, apologizing to students who might have wanted to speak to him after class. He claimed that he had forgotten a stack of books in his office that he would unfortunately not have time to pick up later.</p><p>The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs were left to their own devices. They huddled together after class to state in matter-of-fact tones that <em>yes</em>, Padma Patil and Michael Corner had seen Professor Black and Professor Lupin holding hands on the way to class, but <em>no</em>, no one actually knew whether they were dating, so the Wizengamot was still out on whether this meant anything at all – <em>if </em>they had been holding hands at all, that is. Morag MacDougal swore up and down that they had seen the two professors kissing just before class had started, but Padma dismissed their words as mere puffery. Neither she nor Michael had seen nothing of the sort, Padma argued, so Morag had no basis for their claim. Anyways, Morag was infamous for stretching stories – they had also claimed that they were related to the bass singer from the Weird Sisters, which had been disproved at the Yule Ball last month.</p><p>“So no one’s knows for sure if they’re dating? Why doesn’t someone just ask?” Hannah Abbott demanded as they walked down to the Great Hall for lunch as a single, cohesive unit. She twisted her blonde hair around her fingers so tightly, it looked as though she might cut off her blood flow.</p><p>“It’d be pretty impolite,” Terry Boot said. He threw his shaggy brown hair back in laughter. “I think, at least. You wouldn’t ask Trelawney or one of these other professors who they fancy.”</p><p>“<em>Ah, I must consult the stars on it, Mr. Boot</em>,” Justin Finch-Fletchley said mystically, waving his hands around his head in a decent imitation of their Divination professor. “<em>And they said that you should focus on trying to get a date yourself one of these days, twat.</em>”</p><p>Terry aimed a kick at his shin and missed. Justin laughed, and was then promptly felled by a trick step on the staircase.</p><p>The classmates stopped in front of the doors of the Great Hall, a great teeming mass of black robes dotted by bright yellow and navy blue ties. As they squabbled and debated over what exactly was the truth and the nature of the relationship between the very kind and quiet Professor Lupin and the brash and charming Professor Black, they were joined every so often by fourth-year Gryffindors and some of the Slytherins.</p><p>((Other students trying to enter the Great Hall for lunch had to forcefully push through the increasingly large crowd of fourth years. The upperclassmen, buried in their textbooks, grumbled that they never had so much time to lollygag about when <em>they</em> were fourth years. The underclassmen hovered nearby in the hopes of finding out something interesting to tell their friends. Most of the professors noticed the group of students on their way down the stairs and wisely chose to use the teachers’ entrance to the Great Hall.))</p><p>“Hold on,” Ernie Macmillan said skeptically. “I reckoned that Malfoy was just making it up the whole time. But you swear you saw them holding hands.”</p><p>“Yes,” Michael replied defensively. “We wouldn’t <em>lie</em> about it. I don’t care what Malfoy says.”</p><p>“The evidence points to the fact that Malfoy wasn’t actually lying,” Padma said plainly. “They were holding hands. Like, actually holding hands.”</p><p>“Great to know that they weren’t <em>figuratively</em> holding hands,” Parvati Patil said, rolling her eyes at her sister. “I personally don’t think it’s true about the two of them.”</p><p>“Neither do I,” Lavender Brown chirped, “for what it’s worth.”</p><p>“It’s not worth much,” Padma deadpanned.</p><p>Justin snickered. “What’s your basis for that, Lavender, other than the fact that you’re madly in love with Professor Black and even he knows it?”</p><p>A good deal of the crowd whooped. Lavender looked furious.</p><p>“I am <em>not</em>,” she replied vehemently. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked to Parvati for back-up.</p><p>“I don’t think that Professor Black would be interested in that sort of thing,” Parvati announced.</p><p>“Oh yeah?” Michael asked, meeting Parvati’s gaze. His dark eyes narrowed at her. “And what sort of thing is that?”</p><p>“Being a pouf,” Draco Malfoy drawled, surrounded by a group of Slytherins and looking delighted to have walked straight into the commotion.</p><p>Ernie winced. “Watch your language, would you, Malfoy?”</p><p>Draco ignored him. “I heard the news first, anyways, no need to look around for other corroboration. I have everything you want to know right here.”</p><p>“It’s true,” Pansy Parkinson said importantly, looking at Draco with a look that stopped just short of wonder. “Draco told all of us all about it last night.”</p><p>“And you heard it from where, exactly?” Padma demanded.</p><p>Draco smiled lazily at the group that was now hanging on his every word. “Professor Snape told me himself. He said that Lupin and Black have been together since the beginning of the year and that they are a real, actual couple. It <em>has</em> to be true.”</p><p>“That’s all you heard?” Hannah asked skeptically.</p><p>“What else would you need to know? All the dirty details?” Blaise Zabini scoffed. “I doubt Professor Snape would bother falling to that level.”</p><p>“Come off it,” Seamus Finnegan snorted. “Snape’s foul. I wouldn’t believe him if he took a shot of Veritaserum before.”</p><p>“I don’t recall anyone asking for <em>your</em> opinion, Finnegan,” Draco said coldly. “Anyways, I wrote to my father as soon as I heard. Imagine that he’ll have something to say in the mail.”</p><p>Dean Thomas blinked at him. “Why would your father have anything to do with this?”</p><p>“Well he has to be informed of this. I can’t imagine he’ll be pleased to know that <em>that kind</em> is teaching us. Plus, he’s certain to know more than any of us. He knew them at school, don’t you know. You probably wouldn’t know, actually, would you, you’re about a half step up from a Mudblood,” Draco said, eyeing Dean unpleasantly. Dean glared back.</p><p>“<em>Language</em>,” Ernie said heatedly.</p><p>“Take it back, Malfoy,” Seamus growled.</p><p>“Are you defending your little <em>boyfriend</em>, Finnegan?” Draco asked gleefully. “First Black – an embarrassment to purebloods everywhere, his family must be rolling in their tombs – and Lupin, and now you? There must be something in the water here.”</p><p>“There’ll be something in your face if you don’t watch your mouth,” Seamus said angrily, shaking a fist at him.</p><p>“There’ll be a letter to my father if you dare,” Draco retorted.</p><p>“There’ll be detentions for everyone, unfortunately,” a mild voice rang out, “if there is fighting in the corridors. Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Finnegan, please. I’d also ask that you all kindly carry on this conversation away from the main door to the Great Hall. I’m afraid it’s a fire hazard.”</p><p>In one collective swiveling motion, the fourth-year students that had assembled over the last few minutes turned to see their Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. He was looking rather amused despite his threats to give everyone detentions and carried an armful of heavy-looking textbooks. Next to him, with an absolutely roguish grin on his face and carrying a ratty copy of <em>Confronting the Faceless</em>, was Professor Black.</p><p>Remus worked hard to resist laughing at the horrified looks on everyone’s face as they silently calculated how long their professors had been standing there. He felt as though he might have punctured a lung in the process from trying to keep his face straight.</p><p>“You all look as though you’ve seen a ghost,” Sirius said breezily, as he opened the door genteelly for Remus. He held the door open for the slew of students that followed them with varying expressions of guilt on their faces. “Were you with Professor Binns?”</p><p>“No, Professor Black, we were just in Defense Against the Dark Arts,” Hannah squeaked. “I mean, us and the Ravenclaws.”</p><p>“Lucky you,” Sirius grinned. He appraised Remus openly. “Professor Lupin is my favorite professor at Hogwarts, you know.”</p><p>The students exchanged furious, fervent glances with one another that Remus did not miss. He tilted his head towards Sirius, who batted his dark, thick eyelashes at him. Without a doubt, Sirius was enjoying being a tease in front of their students. Remus decided to play along.</p><p>“Did anyone have questions about class?” Remus asked innocently, fighting the urge to start laughing uproariously as the students congregated along one of the walls of the Great Hall. “I believe I heard my name mentioned, and I’d hate to think that I left anything unexplained regarding Erklings.”</p><p>“It was a very useful lesson,” Padma stated abruptly.</p><p>“We learned loads, Professor. Spitting good class.” Ernie added pompously.</p><p>There were assorted mutterings and mumblings as the students of first-period double Defense Against the Dark Arts admitted that Remus had taught the subject matter at hand quite thoroughly indeed. Remus felt satisfied.</p><p>“Well, if that’s all, then,” Remus said briskly, looking hopefully towards the teachers’ dais with an eye towards a well-deserved lunch and a whispered laugh with Sirius about the sheepish looks on their students’ faces.</p><p>“I have a question, <em>Professors</em>,” Draco said suddenly. He had a devious glint in his eyes that made him look unpleasantly like his father. Draco looked at Crabbe and Goyle, his two underlings, with a smug smile on his face.</p><p>“What is it, Malf–I mean, Draco?” Sirius asked, his flat tone betraying his annoyance. He took two of the books from Remus’s arms and settled them under his arm.</p><p>“I could’ve held that,” Remus complained in a voice that barely rose above a whisper. Sirius shot him a little smile in return.</p><p>“You two are awful close, aren’t you?” Draco questioned.</p><p>“Oh yes,” Remus responded with a tone that conveyed absentminded airiness. His stomach grumbled, though he was acutely aware that he could not make a mad dash to the teachers’ table now that Draco had posed this very question. His students seemed to lean in with interest. “Professor Black and I have known each other since we were first years at Hogwarts.”</p><p>“And how close are you, exactly?” Draco tried again.</p><p>Sirius gave Remus a look that was just short of wicked. “<em>Very</em> close.”</p><p>The color rushed to Remus’s cheeks at the expression on Sirius’s face. Draco opened his mouth but was suddenly interrupted by the doors opening right behind them. At that moment, as though they had planned for a dramatic entrance (and knowing that Harry was James’s son and Sirius’s godson, Remus would not have put it past him), Harry, Ron, and Hermione rushed into the Great Hall. Harry’s dark skin glistened with sweat. Ron’s face looked as red as his hair. And while Hermione’s face retained some measure of placidity, her curly hair had frizzed to nearly twice its normal volume, and now surrounded her face like a halo. They looked as though they had been up to mischief, though Remus had learned a long time ago to not ask them too keenly about what they got up to as extra-curricular activities. He simply counted on Hermione to provide the voice of reason and left it at that. At seeing the crowd gathered around the two of them, Harry looked at them with a horror-struck face. His green eyes were full of questions. Sirius smiled at him broadly, and Harry seemed to relax somewhat.</p><p>“What’s this, then?” Ron demanded as he squinted at Draco. “Malfoy, shove off. We’re trying to get to lunch. Heard there’s roast chicken.”</p><p>“Is there?” Justin said, looking interested. “Good on you, Weasley.”</p><p>“Grand chicken here,” Ernie added.</p><p>Draco looked ready to retaliate with something vicious but caught Remus and Sirius staring at him at the last minute with matching, expressionless faces.</p><p>“Come on,” he barked at Crabbe and Goyle.</p><p>Slowly, the remaining students retreated to their respective tables, until Remus and Sirius were once again left alone with Harry, Ron, and Hermione. A few students lingered nearby, but the five of them huddled together until the students got the message and headed to their seats.</p><p>“So what happened with Dumbledore?” Harry asked quietly.</p><p>“Everything is fine, just like we told you,” Remus said with an encouraging smile. “Dumbledore knows the truth, and he doesn’t mind if we’re together.”</p><p>Remus actively avoided going down a path of explaining why Dumbledore had no real right to tell them what they could or could not do, but imagined that he could have that conversation with them one day when they were much, much older. Perhaps even then, it would not be worth it, he mused. Harry grinned so hopefully and so brightly at them that Remus felt the desire to cast a full-time Protego around him and ensure that nothing would ever hurt him again. No, if it were up to him, he would not tell Harry about Dumbledore’s troubling entanglements in their lives. He would not tell Harry anything other than the fairy tales that he had been owed for years, if he had any say about it.</p><p>“Brilliant. So it’s public knowledge?” Harry asked.</p><p>“Yeah,” Sirius said, cocking his head to the side and giving Remus a once-over. “If we feel like it, anyways. At the very least, we’re not in any real rush to deny it. Might as well keep them all guessing while we’re at it.”</p><p>“I think people are already guessing, Professors,” Hermione said diplomatically. “We were in Care of Magical Creatures and even Hagrid had something to say. He was very good about it, of course, but I think he likes to gossip a little,” she added hastily.</p><p> “Thanks, Hermione,” Remus smiled. “Sirius is just having a bit of fun with it all, now that we’re out of the danger zone. We all know he has a talent for conjuring drama.”</p><p>“You’re having fun with it too,” Sirius objected.</p><p>“Would’ve been nice if you had been here in first year,” Harry said thoughtfully, rubbing absentmindedly at his forehead. “Maybe people would’ve stopped asking about the scar and all that rubbish and could’ve talked about you instead.”</p><p>“Trust me. We wish we could’ve been here too,” Sirius said, with a remarkable attempt at keeping his bitterness under wraps.</p><p>“Was it Snape, then?” Ron asked with an heated look on his face.</p><p>“Yes,” Sirius frowned, putting the textbooks on the floor so that he could tie his hair up from his shoulders. “It was.”</p><p>“Git,” Sirius, Harry, and Ron said in unison. They grinned furiously at each other, Harry’s pensiveness of a moment ago long forgotten. Remus and Hermione exchanged unimpressed looks with one another.</p><p>“But that doesn’t mean that you should take it out on him,” Remus reminded them. “He is…still your Potions professor. Sirius, please don’t put my books on the floor.”</p><p>“Swot,” Sirius huffed, but he leaned over to pick up Remus’s books anyways. His dark hair was tied up in a knot at the crown of his head. Remus noticed affectionately that there was a silver strand near the front. Remus could not help but feel grateful that Sirius was old enough to have grey hairs and that he was here to see them. He did not say anything, lest Sirius have some sort of thirty-five-year-old crisis over the state of his beloved locks of hair.</p><p>“Professor Lupin’s right,” Hermione chimed in with an air of superiority. “That’s exactly what I told Ron and Harry, but they didn’t want to listen.”</p><p>“If you got fired,” Ron explained to Remus eagerly, “we were going to figure out a way to jinx Snape. We were going to use that Bird Charm we learned in class to have a flock of crows follow Snape around and peck him silly all day. We practiced it during Care of Magical Creatures.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Harry said, sounding just as excited, “except we were trying to figure out how to combine that with the Duplication Charm and make it a whole nest of birds instead of just three or four.”</p><p>“Brilliant,” Sirius exclaimed.</p><p>“Hagrid really liked it too,” Ron added. “Wanted to figure out how we could take care of the birds, though. He’s really something else.”</p><p>Remus gave Sirius an exasperated look. “Explain to me how Avis fell into Flitwick’s fourth year curriculum, please?”</p><p>Sirius flashed him a somewhat guilty smile in return. “These are useful Charms. I’ve cast Avis more than I’ve cast half the Charms in Flitwick’s fourth year syllabus.”</p><p>Remus had a sudden flash of James being followed by a school of pigeons for half a day after he had accidentally broken one of Sirius’s T.Rex records in fourth year. James’s shouts that he had only ever <em>seen</em> a record before and <em>how was I supposed to know that the muggles had made these things breakable, Sirius, for the love of Merlin, call the stupid bloody birds off</em>, had gone unheard. Remus started smiling at the memory despite himself.</p><p>“See, the thing is with Remus is that I can usually get him to laugh at me somehow,” Sirius said fondly, and he rubbed the back of his hand on Remus’s cheekbone. Remus could feel the callouses of his fingers brushing against the faint jagged lines in his skin.</p><p>“Hey hey hey, you’re not going to start snogging or anything in front of people, right?” Harry asked sharply. Remus wanted to laugh at the terrified look on his face. While Harry might have been willing to defend their right to love each other in the abstract against the Death Eaters themselves if he had had to, Remus suspected that he was rather like his father in his reluctance to deal with his public displays of affection. Remus could not necessarily blame him. He cringed when he remembered the awkward situations that poor James had been stuck in at times during their school days. James had brought the phrase “deer in headlights” to life.</p><p>“<em>Of course not</em>,” Remus tutted, just as Sirius said, “<em>absolutely</em>.”</p><p>Remus deliberately swerved past Sirius’s answer. Instead, he looked at the large clock in the Great Hall, suddenly aware of how long he had been holding the books in his arms and quietly grateful that Sirius had taken the bulk of them.</p><p>“Merlin’s beard, I have twenty minutes before my next class,” Remus groaned. He ordered the three students to their table. “Go eat lunch, all of you. I’m starving. We’re all hungry.”</p><p>Harry, Ron, and Hermione said their hasty goodbyes and hurried to the Gryffindor table, where Remus saw the trio being surrounded by students eager to get insider’s information on their conversation with the two professors. He shook his head at what appeared to be a limitless capacity for gossip among the students of Hogwarts.</p><p>Remus and Sirius scarfed down their lunches so quickly that they might have cast Vanishing Charms on them. Both of them were keenly aware that their students kept throwing looks up to the teachers’ dais during lunch. Sirius kept giving Remus looks that bordered on lewd. Despite the fact that Sirius was clearly doing this to rile up the students, Remus could not keep from feeling strangely warm in his robes. The feeble sun streaking through the clouds and streaming through the bewitched ceiling felt as though it were aimed right at him. In retaliation, Remus finally mustered up a solid attempt at a coquettish look, and reveled in the fact that Sirius actually seemed flustered.</p><p>“Remus Lupin, you flirt,” Sirius hummed. His grey eyes shimmered.</p><p>“I think you like teasing the students,” Remus grinned. “All of them are just going to keep asking themselves whether it’s true or not. And eventually, someone will ask us to our faces.”</p><p>“I think you like teasing <em>me</em>,” Sirius murmured, and underneath the cover of the tablecloth, he crept his hand up Remus’s leg. “And I know for a fact that’s true.”</p><p>Remus swatted at Sirius’s hand as best he could without drawing attention to them. “Don’t you <em>dare</em>. We’re in public.”</p><p>“Didn’t you <em>want</em> to go public?” Sirius asked chastely, as he continued tracing his hand up Remus’s thigh.</p><p>“<em>Not like this</em>!” Remus hissed, standing up so hastily that he banged both of his kneecaps against the table.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Sirius asked, finishing off his lunch.</p><p>“I’ll live. Why are you eating so quickly?” Remus asked, rubbing at his bruised knees before picking up his books and briefcase once more. “You don’t even have class now.”</p><p>“You’re right. I have the fifth years in an hour or so. But I’m not going to sit here <em>alone</em>,” Sirius whined. “I can’t have everyone thinking that you dumped me already.”</p><p>Remus smiled down at him. “Easy now. They don’t even know what the truth is, Sirius. For all they know, we’ve never been together and aren’t together now.”</p><p>“We have to figure out how to make it abundantly clear, right?” Sirius asked with a debonair smile. His tone turned deliberately casual. “Godric, I can’t wait for all those Howlers to come soaring in tomorrow. It’ll really shake up the day, don’t you think?”</p><p>Remus choked on the last sip of his tea. “Excuse me?”</p><p>“You heard me. I said I can’t wait for all the Howlers. Probably not all of them tomorrow, maybe it’ll take until Thursday, actually, to get more of them.”</p><p>Sirius sounded completely nonchalant, as though he were discussing a grade in a class that they had taken twenty years ago.</p><p>Remus shook his head slowly and then scrubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t believe you, but I don’t have the time to discuss this. I have class.”</p><p>Sirius sighed dramatically as a tasty-looking chocolate dish appeared right in front of him, courtesy of elven magic. He took a spoon and dug in. “Fine. I guess I’ll stay here, then. The ghosts of Hogwarts have asked me to remain and eat this in your name. It’s too good to leave behind.”</p><p>Remus snatched the spoon out of Sirius’s hand and took a giant bite of the pudding. He spoke with a semi-full mouth and stuck the spoon back in Sirius’s grip. “You’re right, that is good. Don’t miss me too much.”</p><p>“Kiss me goodbye, would you?” Sirius asked politely.</p><p>“Your mouth is covered with chocolate,” Remus complained. He wiped at his own mouth self-consciously.</p><p>“Doesn’t that sort of get you off, all that chocolate?” Sirius asked lasciviously. Remus rolled his eyes. “What happened to being out in the <em>open</em>?”</p><p>“I told you that I’d be happy to be out in the open with you and that I’m not going to hide it anymore. I hardly think that calls for a snogging session in front of our students,” Remus smirked.</p><p>“Right,” Sirius said, putting his chin in his hand and looking up dreamily at Remus. “I think that calls for a snogging session at the top of the Astronomy Tower after class. Five o’clock, just you and me. I’ll bring the cigarettes. What do you say?”</p><p>“That smoking is a terrible and filthy habit,” Remus said. “But fine. I’ll see you there.”</p><p>“Do you want more dessert?”</p><p>The Great Hall had just about cleared out from the lunch rush, with only a few seventh year Gryffindors and Ravenclaws who had free periods lingering around after their meals. Some of them were playing a vigorous game of Exploding Snap. Others were buried in their books. Remus looked at his watch again with some panic. “No, I can’t, I’m running terribly late. This is setting a poor example for the first years, you know. By the time they’re fourth years, they’ll be showing up an hour late to everything.”</p><p>“That’s a shame, seeing as you’re supposed to be the role model between the two of us. So go,” Sirius shooed him away.</p><p>Remus turned on his heel, then after a single, thoughtless moment, turned back and pulled Sirius’s hair slightly so that he could kiss him briefly on the mouth. It was the farthest thing from a sensual snog, and was closer to a shy first kiss than anything else. But still, Remus thought triumphantly, there was victory even in just a moment’s surrender. It was the first kiss out in public in many, many years. That <em>had</em> to count for something. Anyone could have seen it happen. He looked around the Great Hall and realized with relief and a slight swoop of disappointment that the remaining students were wholly uninterested in what their teachers were up to.</p><p>Sirius gave him a toothy smile. Then, he pressed his hand to his white dress shirt, rolled up at the sleeves. “<em>Why</em>…Professor Lupin…do you…<em>fancy me</em>?”</p><p>Remus laughed loudly despite his racing heart. “Bugger off, Sirius.”</p><p>A large shadow suddenly fell upon their table, and they turned around swiftly. Remus realized that Hagrid had crept up quietly on them at the teachers’ dais to make his way over for a late lunch. Based on the abnormally pinkish flush on his ruddy cheeks, he had almost certainly seen what their students had not. “Er. Afternoon, ‘fessor Black. Professor Lupin. Nice weather these days, wouldn’t yeh say?”</p><p>“Brilliant weather,” Sirius said charmingly. “Remus should be getting to class, but I’d be delighted to talk about it with you, Hagrid.”</p><p>Hagrid looked incredibly nervous but nodded gamely.</p><p>Grateful for a way out, Remus nodded at Hagrid and jogged out of the room with his textbooks. The first year Hufflepuffs and Slytherins gaped at him with wide, curious eyes. He smiled at all of them and dropped his heavy load of books on the table with a sigh. Just three days into 1995, and he had had enough excitement to last him the entire year.</p><p>***</p><p>Sirius ended up being very correct about the Howlers, much to Remus’s chagrin. The smoking red envelopes began arriving the very next day. A parliament of owls flew in and dropped a dozen heavy, crimson envelopes in front of Remus and Sirius with a series of theatrical thuds. Porridge splattered all over Sirius’s robes. Remus wanded the mess away with a quick flick of his wand. From several seats down, Professor Sinistra eyed the Howlers, picked up her toast, and fled the Great Hall. Remus looked uncertainly at Sirius. Sirius offered him an encouraging smile in return.</p><p>“Well, what now?” Remus asked. The envelopes began to shake menacingly, and Remus could see the steam spiraling out of them as though there were kettles that had been left on the stove for too long.</p><p>“I think we should open all of them at the same time,” Sirius said lightly, and he delicately pried each one of them open and then took several steps back from the teachers’ dais. Remus pushed his own chair back. He pre-emptively winced at what was to come.</p><p>The first voice he heard was the silky and magnified drawl of Lucius Malfoy, whose Howler moved its paper lips in an uncanny imitation of the sender: “<em>My son, Draco, tells me that his professors are engaged in gross acts of indecency and sullying the good name of Hogwarts. As a former member of the Board of Governors, I am outraged and horrified that Albus Dumbledore has permitted…</em>”</p><p>The second voice was a witch’s high, aristocratic accent. She declined to identify herself, or perhaps she had, and Remus had simply missed it over his shock at just how loud the Howlers were. “<em>My family has been sending witches and wizards to Hogwarts for over seven generations, and I can’t imagine the shame and ridicule of having professors who…</em>”</p><p>The third belonged to Theodore Nott’s father. In his elegant, high tone, he demanded that the Headmaster immediately look into these “<em>very serious accusations, which would impact the education of my son and his classmates</em>.”</p><p>The remaining few blended together into a series of thunderous interrogations and complaints from irate parents and guardians whose children had written to tell them of the rumors flying around the school. Remus caught only snippets of their Howlers, but managed to catch the words “disturbing,” “dangerous,” “vile,” and for some inexplicable reason, “doorknob.” Remus felt his face reddening more and more with every passing letter until he felt as though his entire head could go up into flames. He did not dare to look at Sirius. The Howlers disappeared shortly thereafter into thin air, leaving only a trail of ashes in their wake.</p><p>After the last of the Howlers had faded out, Sirius calmly returned to his seat as though nothing had happened. He picked up his fork and began tearing into his breakfast without a single word. Remus tentatively lowered himself down to his seat and tried to summon up as much courage as he could muster. He felt his students’ eyes on him. He could almost feel the weight of Harry’s gaze on them from the Gryffindor table. For a single, miserable moment, Remus desperately wished that James were there too with them at the teachers’ table. He would have cracked a joke to get their mind off it or cheered them up somehow. James would have known what to do, what to feel, what to say. He glanced over at Sirius, whose placid face was somewhat undercut by the bluish vein throbbing at the side of his neck. Sirius cut into his eggs viciously. Remus attempted to salvage the dregs of tea that had not been knocked over by the owls dropping their post. They did not discuss the letters.</p><p>*</p><p>Thursday brought another series of Howlers. Remus quickly became tired of hearing the parents’ different voices complaining about the same thing with varying ranges of insults, but thought that Sirius’s idea of opening them all at once at least made the individual words less painful.</p><p>The worst part was his students being forced to hear all of them. Remus had already caught a few of them looking over at the two of them with pity, or sympathy, or perhaps both. He was horrified to think of what students who may have been questioning their own gender or sexual identities were feeling, particularly students who already faced prejudice over the color of their skin, were judged viciously over the “purity” of their blood, or, as Remus had for his entire life, faced the challenges of growing up solidly working-class. It infuriated him and devastated him to think of how his students might internalize the hatred that he had been steadily receiving for the last few days. He would take these and worse hits every day if it meant that his students would be okay in the end.</p><p>He kept all of these thoughts to him and worried them between his teeth at night instead, until his molars protested and his jaw clicked whenever he opened his mouth. Remus wondered whether he and Sirius might never talk about the letters at all.</p><p>Sirius broke the silence on Thursday evening, as they quietly graded essays in his living quarters. <em>A Night at the Opera</em> hummed softly in the background.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Remus,” Sirius said suddenly. He put his papers down.</p><p>Remus looked over at him in surprise. “Why are you sorry?”</p><p>“The Howlers.”</p><p>“You didn’t send any of them, Padfoot.”</p><p>Sirius worried his bottom lip. He deliberately refused meeting Remus’s inquiring gaze. “I shouldn’t have asked you to go through with this all. You don’t…you don’t deserve any of that.”</p><p>“Neither do you,” Remus reminded him. He moved over next to him on the couch.</p><p>“I don’t know what I deserve,” Sirius said simply. “Other than the fact that I don’t deserve you.”</p><p>Remus took his hand and squeezed it. “Don’t say that.”</p><p>“Do you regret it? Do you want to shut the rumors down?” Sirius asked softly. He finally looked over at Remus. His grey eyes were inscrutable. “We still can.”</p><p><em>Courage, dear heart</em>, the voice in his head rang out suddenly. With a flash, Remus remembered the series of muggle books that he had read as a small child, with his mother by his side.</p><p>“No,” Remus said honestly. “I don’t regret it.”</p><p>“Are you sure? I feel like I pushed you into it,” Sirius said, burying his face in his hands.</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus said firmly. He gently pried Sirius’s fingers off his face and tipped his chin up so he could meet his eyes. “I’m well into my thirties. I can make decisions on my own. And at the end of the day, no matter what the students say, or the other teachers say, or Dumbledore says, or these parents say, no matter how much gossip circles this school, or how much our students have questions, this is about one thing.”</p><p>“And what is that?” Sirius asked, his eyes flitting over Remus’s face.</p><p>“You and me.”</p><p>They held each other’s gaze steadily for a long while. Remus wondered what Sirius saw when he looked into his eyes, whether he too looked at Remus and saw their past, present, and future, a palimpsest that crisscrossed space and time and life and death, hundreds of moons, thousands of schooldays, twelve long years without each other, the relief of reunion. Remus could have willingly drowned in the silvery depths of Sirius’s eyes.</p><p>“You’re right,” Sirius said finally. “I just want to keep people from hurting you.”</p><p>“Yes, I know, me as well.” Remus said, thinking of how he had been willing to jinx Dumbledore himself when he had implied that Sirius would have to visit Azkaban once more. “But they’re just…words. Eventually, the parents will move onto something else. I feel sorry for the students listening to them, though.”</p><p>“Right,” Sirius nodded. “It’s brutal to have them be exposed to this.”</p><p>Remus shook his head. “I keep trying to cast Muffling Charms, but it doesn’t work. The Great Hall is too big, and the Howlers are just horrifically loud.”  </p><p>“I tried too. I couldn’t. At least they’re better than the ones my mother used to send. No one’s calling us a disgrace to our family name this time around.” Sirius looked grim.</p><p>Remus remembered those Howlers all too well. Until Sirius had been disowned by his family, he had received a number of thick red Howlers from Walburga every year that had ricocheted around the Great Hall and had been charmed to follow Sirius around the school even if he tried to run from them. Remus recalled two particularly well. The first was the first occasion that Remus had ever seen a Howler, the day after their Sorting, and Walburga’s screeching voice had rattled the windows with screams about her son not being placed into Slytherin and disgracing the family name. The second was at the tail-end of their fifth year, after Sirius had been kicked off the Quidditch team for the prank that had almost ended Snape’s life. Sirius had looked so abject and miserable as his mother had screamed about the disgrace that he always managed to bring to his family that Remus had almost forgiven him on the spot. In the end, it had taken many more weeks to accept Sirius’s apologies, but the memory of Sirius sitting next to James, who refused to make eye contact with him, as he cowered in his seat, had always stuck with him.</p><p>Remus reached out and interlaced his fingers with Sirius’s. “And at least we have each other. That’s worth all the gold you have in Gringotts.”</p><p>Sirius offered a faint smile. “I don’t know about that, Moony. It’s an awful lot of gold. I’m sort of filthy rich, in case you didn’t notice.”</p><p>“Sirius, shut up, please.”</p><p>*</p><p>Sirius was far cheerier on Friday morning. In addition to the slowly declining number of Howlers, a large barn owl dropped a letter and a rolled-up newspaper on Remus’s head shortly after the barrage of Howlers had been opened.</p><p>Sirius took the first letter and the paper eagerly. “Oh, it’s from Andromeda!”</p><p>They leaned in together to read:</p><p>
  <em>Sirius (and Remus!!),</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Understood on the suitors. They were far too eager. If your message hadn’t been clear enough from the note (nice job getting Dumbledore himself to lend you his phoenix, by the way, really majestic creature), the evening standard issue of The Daily Prophet that we got yesterday really nailed it in (see page 6). I imagine that one of your students let it leak to the press – I’m sorry in advance about it. Rita Skeeter is really something else, too. I wouldn’t be surprised if she wanted to set up an interview with you one of these days.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dora says hello and would like to confirm that she understands that you are together. She is rather disappointed (don’t tell her I told you) but has done a good job of keeping her chin up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Will you be back in London for the Easter holidays? We would love to see you. It’s Dora’s birthday in April and we are thinking of throwing a little get-together. Don’t worry, I’ll keep all of the press away.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Love, your cousin,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Andromeda</em>
</p><p>“I think Nymphadora fancies you,” Sirius said teasingly.</p><p>“I think she just wants a friend, or something,” Remus said sympathetically.</p><p>“Right,” Sirius said, eyes glittering. “Time will tell when we go to her birthday party. You’re a good present, Moony. Maybe I’ll put a bow on you. Unwrap you with my teeth afterwards.”</p><p>Remus flushed deeply. “Never mind that. Let’s see what you got from Andromeda.”</p><p>Sirius unwrapped the twine and unrolled the newspaper. He turned to the sixth page, skimmed the lines, and burst out in a fit of laughter that made him throw his head back. Nudging the paper towards Remus, he pointed out a quarter-page column entitled: <em>Back to Black: London’s Most Eligible Bachelor Taken (…By a Man!!!)</em>. Rita Skeeter wrote scandalously about how Sirius had spent his entire life breaking the rules. In the midst of the blathering about how Sirius had turned down some of the most remarkable and beautiful women in England, a lengthy reminder to the readers that Sirius had spent twelve years of his life framed for the death of his best friends and had only recently been exonerated, and a dramatic paragraph about how Sirius had come clean about his identity and broken the rules to find love at Hogwarts in an unprecedented teaching scandal, Remus noticed that Skeeter had misspelled his name as Lemus Rupin. He looked over to Sirius with an annoyed expression. Sirius had tears in his eyes and was doubled over laughing.</p><p>“It’s not that funny,” Remus said, though he snorted with laughter anyways.</p><p>“<em>Lemus</em>,” Sirius choked out, and he put his head against the table to try to contain at least some of the laughter. “The woman writes my whole biography, full of the dirty details, and then calls you…Lemus. It makes your name sound even <em>more</em> ridiculous.”</p><p>Remus thought that was rather rich of him.</p><p>“Are you mad? Your name is a fucking star. How am I the one with the more ridiculous name here?”</p><p>Sirius snorted. “Alright, Wolf Wolf.”</p><p>They argued throughout breakfast about who had the worst name before agreeing that the true prize for worst name belonged to James’s middle name, Fleamont. Remus walked Sirius to the Charms classroom. Sirius had a thoughtful, pensive look on his face. Remus was eager to ask him whether he was thinking about the Howlers again, or about his mother, or about the explosion of chaos that they had created at school.</p><p>“Imagine we’ll get more Howlers tomorrow,” Remus offered grimly, by way of a transition.</p><p>“Or something like that,” Sirius said breezily.</p><p>Remus sighed. “I still don’t regret it. But being the talk of the school is tiring, you know. It’s hard to push through classes when my students are clearly desperate for me to talk about you. Though, some of my students did stop me to tell me that they supported me. Ernie Macmillan from Hufflepuff shook my hand for no good reason yesterday. Said something about his family being avid supporters of ‘the movement’ because of his second cousin or something.”</p><p>Sirius snickered. “Good on him. Wish we had the Map so we could avoid seeing students every once in a while.”</p><p>“Maybe we should recreate it,” Remus said idly.</p><p>Just before they reached the Charms classroom, Sirius tilted his head up to look at Remus. Remus smiled down at him, reaching his hand out to tuck a strand of Sirius’s hair behind one of his ears. Sirius looked tenderly into his eyes. Remus’s pulse quickened into something ridiculous, and he wondered how Sirius could have this effect on him even though they were no longer second-guessing what every touch meant. When he spoke, Sirius’s voice was soft and lilting.</p><p>“Have a good day…Lemus.”</p><p>Remus nearly shoved Sirius into one of the suits of armor. He settled for giving him a good, long farewell snog instead.</p><p>*</p><p>On Saturday morning, Remus prepared himself mentally for the series of Howlers that would almost certainly cloud his breakfast once more. He was determined to look as unbothered as possible. He guessed that his students were curious as to what would arrive as well – he had certainly never seen a Saturday morning breakfast so crowded with students. Remus waited gamely for the owls to arrive and felt almost vindicated when the first one dropped.</p><p>“Just the one?” Sirius said mildly.</p><p>Remus carefully opened it and waited. Instead of the wails of a concerned parent or the screeches of guardians, however, the Howler emitted the amplified voices of Fred and George Weasley.</p><p>“<em>Party tonight, Gryffindor Tower at eight, everyone’s invited. Also, Malfoy’s a git.</em>”</p><p>The Great Hall burst into peals of laughter. Draco looked considerably less amused. Sirius grinned down at the Gryffindor table, where Fred and George Weasley nodded in unison.</p><p>Another half a dozen owls dropped Howlers on their table within a few moments. Sirius opened the second Howler, which called out in Padma Patil’s earnest tone:</p><p>“<em>You’re both really good professors, you know. Also, I was wondering whether you might answer a question that I had about last week’s homework, Professor Lupin, I really do think that I deserved an Outstanding on this…</em>”</p><p>The third one belonged to Luna Lovegood, whose sweet voice rang out over the entire Great Hall: “<em>I think both of you are guided by the stars, or something celestial at the least. Thank you for teaching, though I hope that you choose to include Nargles in your lesson plans, and the Nargle Charm that only they can cast. They’re terribly understudied. Everything else is pretty satisfactory, though.</em>”</p><p>“What in bloody hell’s a Nargle?” Sirius asked Remus quizzically.</p><p>Remus shook his head slowly. “No idea.”</p><p>The fourth belonged to Lee Jordan, who shouted out: “<em>Next Gryffindor game against Hufflepuff scheduled for February fourth! It’s bound to be a showdown, with Diggory and Potter face to face since last year’s epic showdown. Will Gryffindor claim the glory and stage the comeback of the year? Or will Hufflepuff hold onto its title?</em>”</p><p>The steady stream of owl post did not stop for the entirety of the breakfast hour. It was an endless loop that would have run any record player ragged. Somehow, instead of getting Howlers from angry parents, they were treated to envelopes offering Dean’s predictions of West Ham’s game against Newcastle that weekend; Angelina’s reminder to the Gryffindor Team that they had practice next week; Justin’s much-improved improv comedy attempts; Ginny’s threats to cast a Bat-Bogey hex on whoever had taken her favorite jumper from the common room; Neville’s favorite biscuit recipe; Hannah’s description of the plants in Greenhouse Four; Morag’s explanation of their new research project on the Goblin Rebellion; Cho’s retelling of a Scottish bedtime story; and Harry and Ron’s personal reflections on last year’s Quidditch World Cup.</p><p>“Black, Lupin,” Professor McGonagall called out as she approached them, after the owls seemed to have finally tapered off.</p><p>“Professor McGonagall, my love,” Sirius exclaimed. “Happy Saturday. Which of these love letters is from you?”</p><p>He held up the growing pile of regular envelopes that had been addressed to <em>Professor Sirius Black and Professor Remus Lupin</em>, with return addresses that were conspicuously absent. Remus recognized Hermione’s careful handwriting on one of them, Astoria Greengrass’s pureblood cursive on another.</p><p>“I’m afraid that I missed the memo, Black,” Professor McGonagall said. “There is a good deal of hullaballoo this morning, I see.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, Professor McGonagall,” Remus laughed nervously. “I don’t know what happened here. We were getting all these Howlers before from parents, and…”</p><p>Professor McGonagall offered the inkling of a smile. “I know, Lupin. You won’t be receiving them anymore. Mr. Black came to speak to me yesterday afternoon.”</p><p>Remus shot Sirius a grateful, though mildly exasperated, look.</p><p>“He and I both agree that the Howlers are disruptive to the learning environment. I brought this to the Headmaster last night, and we have agreed future owls have been redirected either to my desk or to the Headmaster’s. These are the last Howlers that will be delivered here for the entire academic year, I believe. Professor Dumbledore has agreed to ward the Great Hall against receiving <em>any</em> Howlers beginning tomorrow.”</p><p>“What about all the parents who send Howlers to their children?” Remus asked curiously.</p><p>Professor McGonagall tapped on the table lightly. “Well, then, they can put their messages in a letter instead. There will be a strict no Howler policy for the rest of the academic year.”</p><p>Sirius beamed.</p><p>“It seems that you have a good deal of fans in this castle,” Professor McGonagall said, jutting her chin at their letters. “I hope you use this particular bit of fame for good, rather than the mischief that you all seemed to get into in your schooldays.”</p><p>“We would never,” Sirius said with a toothy smile. Professor McGonagall considered them over the top of her glasses and then walked off with her hard-boiled egg, joining Madam Hooch.</p><p>“Isn’t it curious that we never actually told anyone that we were together?” Remus asked as he sifted through the stacks of cards and letters. “Bit sad, really. I thought we’d come up with some showy, flashy moment to tell them all instead of having the Howlers blow it all up. But they’re all very smart, I’m glad they figured it out anyways.”</p><p>“We made it apparent enough for them,” Sirius said, tearing open a card and studying the handwriting inside. “Look at this. Susan Bones from Hufflepuff says that we’re her favorite professors, after Professor Sprout. Well, have to appreciate the house loyalty there.”</p><p>“I think that’s it, then,” Remus sighed, carefully piling the letters together and looking up at the overcast ceiling. “No more Howlers.”</p><p>Sirius bit down hard on his lip. “I wouldn’t be too sure about that, Moony. Looks like there’s one more.”</p><p>As he spoke, a handsome tawny owl dropped a final ruby-red envelope in front of Remus. With adroit hands, he plucked the letter out. To his infinite surprise, he heard neither the tinny voices of his students nor the thick, angered voices of their parents. No, this was a voice that he could have recognized anywhere, whether it was a breathy whisper in the middle of the night or an amplified Howler that rattled the windows of the Hogwarts Great Hall.</p><p>“<em>I love you, Lemus Rupin</em>.”</p><p>Remus glanced over at Sirius, who shook with silent laughter as he pretended to read the first page of the Charms textbook he had brought with him to breakfast. Remus leaned in to whisper heavily into Sirius’s ear.</p><p>“I love you too, tosser. You won’t be laughing this hard when you have my last name, though.”</p><p>That shut Sirius up almost immediately. Remus skated his hand over the tablecloth and quite naturally rested his hand on Sirius’s outstretched palm. With his other hand, he picked up the day’s copy of <em>The Daily Prophet</em>. The promise of a glorious Saturday lay ahead.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After the Howlers died down (or rather, were forcibly blocked from entering the Great Hall and were instead directed to land on either Dumbledore or Professor McGonagall’s desks), January became considerably more quiet. Time tripped over itself, and the days slid into weeks that seemed to vanish as soon as they started.</p><p>More interestingly, as the month progressed, Sirius began to receive a deluge of letters from heartbroken witches and wizards across Great Britain who had read the original article in <em>The Daily Prophet</em> and the subsequent gossip columns about his burgeoning relationship. One of the letters had been entirely in French, and Sirius had read it out loud in his smooth, rolling accent before translating the rather scandalous contents to Remus. Some were accompanied by presents – Sirius had, for instance, received a box of homemade brownies that were almost certainly laced with love potions, and a hand-knitted, hideous scarf that he had gifted to an incredibly enthusiastic Dobby. Sirius took up the habit of carefully collecting the letters and saving them until he could read them to Remus in bed. In the lead up to the moon on the sixteenth, when Remus did not have the energy to do much else other than lie down, listen to the records that played on near-constant loops, and futilely attempt to grade papers, Sirius spent hours reading them aloud to keep him entertained. For the most part, Remus found them very funny.</p><p>((If he had been pressed on the subject after taking a vial of Veritaserum, Remus would have been forced to admit that some murky, anxious part of himself was not particularly keen on Sirius receiving this outpouring of obsessive letters. Some unpleasant part of him remembered all too well the feeling of being seventeen and watching as girls fawned over Sirius in the corridors – he had wondered whether Sirius ever wished he could have had someone unblemished, someone whole, someone who was not fit to bursting with secrets. They were older now, and Remus knew that the insecurities of seventeen were a lifetime away from his present life at thirty-five. But still, knowing that Sirius was a certified heartthrob known around the country for his dashing looks and tragic life story was a curious and strange thing.)) </p><p>“Get a load of this one, Moony,” Sirius said on the night before the full, as he held the parchment aloft over his head. Remus looked over and saw that the letter had been written with glittering purple ink. “Mrs. – <em>Mrs.</em>, mind you, her husband would have a fit if he knew that she was writing to me, challenge me to a duel or something – Catherine Thompson of Southampton would like me to know that if I ever decide that liking blokes isn’t for me or if you ever break up with me, she volunteers herself as a balm for my bruised and battered heart.” Sirius shuffled to the second page of the letter. “Also, apparently, she voted for me for last year’s <em>Witch Weekly</em>’s Most Charming Smile Award. Good on her.”</p><p>“Didn’t you end up winning that Award?” Remus asked mildly, propping himself up on one elbow so that he could face Sirius. His bones and muscles felt as though they might melt off his body with exhaustion from the effort. “Write her back and thank her. It’s important to reach out to your fans, it keeps you humble. Otherwise you’ll get a big head.” He paused and grinned mischievously at Sirius. “Well, a bigger head.”</p><p>Sirius looked rather pleased with himself. “I’m ignoring that. But how’d you know I won?”</p><p>“I saw the magazine on the coffee table and took the liberty of reading it. Unlike you, I am quite an avid reader, you know,” Remus said smugly.</p><p>Sirius turned to face Remus. In the quiet light of the room, Remus could just barely see the brilliantly white teeth and soft lips that had marked Sirius as the recipient of the magazine’s yearly award for best smile. “Nosy bugger. Have you seen the magazine? I had almost forgotten about it – I got it in December, right around Yule Ball, and well…my mind was on other things. Now, I can’t find it. And the letter isn’t as exciting without the picture to match. It’s a pretty hot picture, Moony. They brought a photographer here to take the picture in the fall. I was going to surprise you with it.”</p><p>There was a moment of silence. Remus could hear the quiet thuds of heavy snowfall against his window, and thought gratefully that at least he would not have to spend the moments leading up to tomorrow’s moon in the freezing wooden prison of the Shrieking Shack. Instead, the wolf would get the pleasure of once more being intertwined with Padfoot’s furry limbs underneath Remus’s desk. He met Sirius’s eyes and then looked away.</p><p>“Well?” Sirius demanded.</p><p>Remus closed his eyes in protest.</p><p>“Don’t tell me you <em>took</em> it!” Sirius sat up straight and loomed over him with bright grey eyes.</p><p>Remus laughed until his ribs began aching with the strain. He winced slightly as he lied back down on the bed. Sirius ran his hand along Remus’s side tenderly but continued staring him down for answers with an impetuous look on his face.</p><p>Remus interlaced his hands and covered his eyes with them sheepishly. “Fine. I put it in my briefcase, okay?”</p><p>Sirius roared with laughter. He leapt out of bed, and Remus could hear him ransacking the living room to find Remus’s smooth leather briefcase. He dragged it into the bedroom and started pulling papers out of it animatedly until he found what he had been searching for – the copy of <em>Witch Weekly</em> with a large, handsome portrait of Sirius that took up nearly the entirety of the thirteenth page. He shook the magazine dramatically at Remus before smoothing it out over Remus’s bedspread.</p><p>Though the photograph was in black and white, it was as though Sirius had managed to squeeze color out of greyscale. Remus could see only the very top of Sirius’s black teaching robes and white button-up shirt in the photograph, which stopped just below his neck. Sirius’s mouth was stretched out in a broad, charming, and slightly impish smile. He kept rolling his sparkling eyes and then winking one eye, then the other. His hair was tossed over his shoulder in a messy, casual way, as though he had recently jumped off a broomstick after a particularly vigorous game of Quidditch. James would have been proud, Remus thought.</p><p>“Moony,” Sirius said with a teasing, lilting tone. “Why did you take my magazine?”</p><p>Remus tilted his head to the side and looked at Sirius innocently. “Well, you’re not wrong. It was a good photograph.”</p><p>“Ah,” Sirius tutted cheekily. “I said it was a <em>hot</em> photograph. Was it not, Monsieur Lupin?”</p><p>“Enough cross-examination. When did you become a barrister?”</p><p>Sirius’s face pinched together in confusion. “Which ones are barristers again?”</p><p>“You should ask Charity Burbage,” Remus said with amusement. “She’d be delighted to explain the intricacies of the English common law to you. I took your picture. Yes, I thought it was hot. Happy? Anyways, shall we read the magazine feature?”</p><p>Sirius let Remus snatch the magazine out of his hand. Remus sat back up and leaned against his pillows. He felt a sharp stab of pain at the movement but pushed onwards, clearing his throat theatrically and putting on his most serious and professorial voice.</p><p>“<em>Sirius Orion Black, the only heir to one of Britain’s finest and most famous houses, the ancient and most noble house of Black, is the winner of the Most Charming Smile Award for 1994. Mr. Black’s unparalleled smile was evident even from the wanted posters that were plastered over the wizarding world for the first half of the year, and only became more captivating once the tragic truth was revealed. During his courtroom appearances in July and throughout the remainder of the summer that he spent out and about in London, our readers were enthralled by his dazzling grin. Tragically framed, dramatically absolved, and devastatingly handsome throughout it all, Mr. Black was the obvious winner of this year’s Award. Mr. Black is now a Professor at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, his alma mater, though for the sake of our readers, we hope to see him return to London society as soon as time permits. Per Mr. Black’s request, we will be donating the monetary prize associated with the Award to St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries</em>.”</p><p>Remus gave an exaggerated swoon and pressed his hand on his forehead. He tried to ignore how warm it felt underneath his fingers. “What a catch! Gorgeous and a philanthropist. Or should I use the words that they use? <em>Devastatingly handsome</em>?”</p><p>“Wanker,” Sirius said without any real feeling behind it, tucking the magazine carefully into Remus’s briefcase and returning it to the living room. “I could’ve signed it for you, you know, if you had wanted.”</p><p>Remus smiled at him lazily. “You can, if you want.”</p><p>“Nah, don’t want to get anything on this beautiful face,” Sirius said dismissively. “Anyways, did you ever vote in the poll?”</p><p>“Absolutely,” Remus deadpanned. “I voted for Gilderoy Lockhart this year. Reckon I sent half a dozen owls telling the editors that he was the only logical choice.”</p><p>Sirius shot him a dark look.</p><p>“You’re lucky you look all cute and disheveled and immensely sorry for yourself right now, otherwise I’d pelt you with a pillow or something,” Sirius huffed.</p><p>Remus took his hand. “What ever happened to him, anyways? He won this award like a million times. I remember seeing his picture everywhere in Diagon Alley.”</p><p>“Once again, you’re the worst,” Sirius said easily, settling back into bed. “Anyways, don’t you remember? Something about him losing his memory when the Chamber of Secrets was opened after he acted like a right git? Ron told us a few months ago.”</p><p>“Still absolutely mad that the Chamber of Secrets was even opened. Or that Harry went down there and rescued Ginny,” Remus mused. He let out a long yawn and reached his hand out to the nightstand to flick off the light on his side. Sirius dutifully followed suit.</p><p>“Stranger things have happened at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft of Wizardry,” Sirius hummed, pulling Remus close to him and gently stroking his light hair.</p><p>“Oh yeah?” Remus asked, as the tendrils of sleep began to tug at him. “Like what?”</p><p>“Oh you know, like a gay ex-convict and a queer werewolf being hired as professors,” Sirius offered cheerily.</p><p>“Sounds straight out of <em>The Tales of Beedle the Bard</em>,” Remus said drowsily.</p><p>Remus thought that Sirius had drifted off to sleep, based on the slow breathing that he felt on the back of his neck. But then, Sirius spoke out.</p><p>“Moony, are you still going to love me when I’m old and ugly?” He asked suddenly.</p><p>Remus snorted. “You’re already old. You’re five years off from forty. As am I, mind you, we’re practically vintage.”</p><p>“Au contraire, you’re thirty-four and have the whole world ahead of you,” Sirius sighed. “Anyways, like elven wine, you get better with age.”</p><p>“Sirius, you’re barely three months older than me,” Remus objected.</p><p>“And what a lifetime I have lived, in those three months,” Sirius said, giving his best impression at a watery, elderly man voice. He sounded vaguely like Professor Binns. “Are you going to answer my question?”</p><p>“What’s the question again?” Remus asked teasingly, making what felt like a supreme effort to turn around. His legs kept getting tangled up in the half a dozen blankets that Sirius had transfigured for him when Remus had complained that the room felt overly cold. Finally, he turned and faced Sirius’s contours, shaded by darkness.</p><p>“Do you think that you’ll still want to be with me, even after I lose all my teeth and I get old and incredibly unpleasant to be around?” Sirius demanded.</p><p>Remus wanted to crack a joke about how he could still sometimes be unpleasant even though he was far from old, but realized as his eyes quickly adjusted to the blanketing darkness in the room that Sirius was deathly earnest. His face had slid quickly into an unsettling seriousness that seemed out of place on his normally playful face.</p><p>“Why are you asking me this?” Remus asked softly. He leaned over and touched his cheek. “The question is yes, of course, yes, always yes. Until the very end, and even beyond that.”</p><p>“Well, because…” Sirius said, and then he exhaled sharply. “All of these people who are writing to me every day think they know me because I’m attractive or rich. And they want me because of that. Or maybe because I was stuck in Azkaban for all that time when I shouldn’t have been and they think I’m some troubled, tragic storybook character. And maybe it’s true, but I’m…I’ve got to be more than that, right? Or…no?” He added hastily.</p><p>Remus was baffled. All this time that Sirius had been reading the magazines, Remus had not imagined that Sirius felt anything beyond sheer amusement, which perhaps spoke to how unfortunately talented Sirius could be when it came to compartmentalizing parts of himself. Remus’s petty jealousies vanished almost immediately. How could Remus begin to explain to Sirius that he was so much more than <em>Witch Weekly</em>’s Most Charming Smile Award, a pretty face, a heartbreaking past, the gold rush of adoring fans? How could Remus tell Sirius that he was not only the brightest star in the midnight galaxy, but the only one, a star that rivaled the sun with its prickling heat? How could Sirius not know that even the unmistakable beauty of his face came up short against his roguish sense of humor that found joy even in the drabbest of moment, his zealous passion when he stood up for something he truly believed in, or the contagious bravery that coursed through his blood?</p><p>“Remus?” Sirius said uncertainly after a moment.</p><p>“Sorry,” Remus said, shaking his head free of the rhetorical rabbit hole he had fallen into. “Sirius, you are, without a doubt, the most incredible person I have ever met. Even when you’re old and allegedly ugly, you will still be just as beautiful to me as you were when we were fifteen and just as beautiful as you are now.”</p><p>“But how do you know?” Sirius pressed.</p><p>“You’re just going to have to take my word for that, because it’s true. And you are more than whatever is in the magazines or the newspapers or in those letters from all your fans. Maybe to them, you’re always going to be the heir of the ancient and most noble house of whatever who had a truly extraordinary and truly devastating series of events take place in his life. Maybe to them, your life is some sort of folklore. But to me, you’re always going to be a million other things. You’re the way that you’re ridiculous about your hair, and the way you cheat at chess even when you claim you don’t, and your knack for Charms and Transfiguration and just about anything you set your mind to.”</p><p>Sirius was silent for a full minute as he gazed at Remus. His eyes brimmed but did not shed the tears that glassed over his eyes. Then, he leaned over and gently pressed his mouth on Remus’s.</p><p>“I love you. And for what it’s worth,” Sirius said with a choked voice, his face illuminated by the shifting position of the nearly-full, heavy moon, “I think you should win the Most Charming Smile Award next year.”</p><p>Remus closed his eyes again. “I appreciate it, but I’m still voting for Gilderoy Lockhart.”</p><p>“You’re a git,” Sirius whispered furiously.</p><p>But Remus heard the undiluted love in Sirius’s voice, and he smiled himself to sleep.</p><p>***</p><p>The moon passed unremarkably, a development that Remus thought he would never take for granted. He had enough scars crossing his body, after all, to remind him of the thousands of bloody moons that he had had to deal with before the advent of the Wolfbane Potion. He still felt weak and feverish on Tuesday, however, and while he rested, Sirius did him the favor of covering his double class with the fourth-year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, the class that had somehow bridged the differences among the Hogwarts houses through their relentless curiosity about their professors.</p><p>Unfortunately, and unknown to Remus, Sirius had briefly forgotten that he also had to teach the sixth years N.E.W.T. Charms for part of the morning, which resulted in one of the most chaotic classes that Hogwarts had seen that year. In an effort to build cohesion between the classes, Sirius tasked the upperclassmen with teaching the Defense Against the Dark Arts students about the spells that crossed the boundaries of Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts. The talents of the poor fourth-year students were no match for Fred and George Weasley, who had both placed into advanced Charms and who were remarkably proficient in advanced and incredibly obscure Charmwork that even Sirius found difficult to undo. While Cedric Diggory tried valiantly to help the fourth years, and as Angelina Johnson was normally one step ahead of the Weasley twins in their mischief-making, the communal chaos as narrated joyously by Lee Jordon for the second half of the morning was a sight to behold. By the time that the lunch bell rang, two Ravenclaws had been sent to the hospital wing, as their voices had been replaced by speech bubbles that emerged from their mouths whenever they spoke. Hannah Abbott had to have her arm patched up by Sirius, since George Weasley had been a bit too overeager with shooting his Patronus, a magpie, out in his demonstration. Justin Finch-Fletchley emerged from class with a riot of red hair that made him look like a spare Weasley brother. Part of the classroom had been burned, but Sirius had managed to contain the fire until only a single square foot of floor space was left charred. Fred and George left class with a detention apiece from Sirius. It would have been at least three per Weasley, but the Weasley twins were good bargainers and fine negotiators, and they agreed not to tell Professor Lupin what a mess Sirius had allowed them to make of his class in exchange for a single detention each.</p><p>Remus found this all out from Sirius anyways just a few hours later. Despite Sirius’s attempts to evade Remus’s targeted questions about how the class had gone, he had eventually been forced to admit that pandemonium had fallen in the Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Though Remus was in equal parts annoyed and entertained by Sirius’s retelling of how, exactly, the sixth years had managed to chase the fourth years around the classroom with their noncorporeal Patronuses, Remus was privately grateful that at least it had not been a lesson where they had been scheduled to learn about Dark Creatures – he did not want to think about the havoc that would have fallen over the school if Sirius and the Weasley twins had had access to a supply of Cornish Pixies.</p><p>To make up for nearly destroying Remus’s classroom while he had been dealing with his moonlit hangover, Sirius insisted on taking Remus out on what he called “a real date” that weekend.</p><p>“What do you mean <em>a real date</em>?” Remus laughed as he flipped the pages of <em>Les Misérables</em>. Sirius had boasted that he could probably teach Remus how to read the French original of the thousand-page book if he wanted, but Remus found it rather difficult to keep up with the loose tangents of the translated English version and could not imagine trying to read it in its original language.</p><p>“We get all dressed up,” Sirius said, looking hopeful. “There’s wine. There are candles. I bring you flowers. You know, like in the muggle moving pictures.”</p><p>“You big sap. What about when we go to The Three Broomsticks and Honeydukes? Or when we sit around and listen to music the whole night? What do you call those?” Remus asked, balancing his chin on his palm.</p><p>Sirius waved his hand dismissively.</p><p>“That’s just a typical Tuesday night. I’m thinking something more special than that.”</p><p>“Really now, Don Juan?” Remus asked with an arch of his eyebrow. “Like what?”</p><p>Sirius batted his eyelashes at Remus from the high-backed armchair where he was flipping through his record collection and gently cleaning the records by hand. “You and me at Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop, making eyes at each other over the frilliest tablecloth known to wizardkind.”</p><p>Remus laughed. The two of them had been there only once before, and not even on a date of their own. In their seventh year, once Lily and James had started dating, they had followed them there to spy on them at Sirius’s insistence. Lily had surreptitiously jinxed them into silence after noticing them. James, who was too smitten with Lily to notice much of anything, not even his best friends several tables over, had not realized that they had spent a quarter of an hour trying to get their mouths unstuck. Lily had shot them a truly devastating grin as she had led James out of the tea shop after they had finished.</p><p>Remus shook his head at the memory with a smile. Truly, anyone who called Lily Evans a goody-goody had conveniently forgotten her wicked sense of humor.</p><p>“Valentine’s Day isn’t until next month,” Remus teased, but he closed his book softly and grinned at Sirius from his perch on the couch.</p><p>“Yes,” Sirius said delicately. He lifted his sweater and pointed to the moon phases that ran down the side of his body. “But Valentine’s Day is the day before the next moon. So we might as well celebrate now, don’t you think?”</p><p>Remus felt an internal glow in his weakened and fatigued bones that could have lit up the entire town of Hogsmeade.</p><p>“Are you just trying to distract me from the fact that you almost ruined my classroom, Sirius?”</p><p>“The key here is,” Sirius said hotly, “the word <em>almost</em>. I <em>almost</em> wrecked your classroom, but avoided doing so. And honestly, if you want to blame anyone, you should be blaming Fred and George. Cheeky little buggers.”</p><p>Remus petted Sirius’s hair fondly. “I’m not upset, mind you, so there’s no need to go out on some sort of date if you don’t want to. I’m perfectly fine doing anything.”</p><p>“No, I think we should go out on the town,” Sirius said with a dazzling smile. “Make a whole spectacle out of it.”</p><p>“A <em>spectacle</em>,” Remus snorted. “I think you and I have had enough of those to last us a lifetime.”</p><p>Sirius looked mildly crestfallen. Remus leaned across the couch and took Sirius’s hand.</p><p>“But I suppose I should demand some sort of apology for the fact that you allowed the class to get out of control,” Remus said softly. “Serves you right. I’ll let you take me to Madam Puddifoot’s for dinner or something.”</p><p>“I mean it doesn’t <em>have</em> to be there,” Sirius said quickly. “It can be wherever you want. I was just thinking that since we’re not really allowed to leave the grounds during the academic year…”</p><p>“Sirius Black, following the rules down to the letter of the law?” Remus mock-gasped, pressing his hand down on his chest.</p><p>Sirius grinned. “I think you and I have gotten away with breaking a lot of rules recently. Why tempt fate, you know?”</p><p>“Hm,” Remus said, climbing onto Sirius’s armchair with some effort and gently putting his records to the side. “I can think of a lot of things that sound pretty tempting right now.”</p><p>“Oh yeah?” Sirius asked, wrapping his arms around him. “Like what?”</p><p>“Like you shutting your mouth,” Remus said, kissing him.</p><p>They agreed to go out on this so-called <em>real date</em> on Friday night. At precisely seven, Remus flung open the door of his living quarters open and saw Sirius leaning against the door, looking handsome as ever in a tight black sweater and a pair of muggle jeans. He had a bouquet of brilliantly colored flowers in his hand.</p><p>“Hello, handsome,” Sirius announced with a smile that stretched from cheek to cheek. He stood up on his tip-toes and kissed Remus. “Do you like the flowers?”</p><p>“I do, I like them very much. They’re lovely,” Remus said shyly, taking them and conjuring up a vase to display them on his living room table.</p><p>“I stole them from Greenhouse One,” Sirius said proudly as he crossed the threshold into Remus’s living quarters.</p><p>Remus frowned. “Sirius, please tell me you’re kidding and that Professor Spout gave you permission to take them.”</p><p>“Well, I didn’t steal <em>these</em>.”</p><p>“Thank Merlin,” Remus said, slipping on his coat.</p><p>“<em>However</em>, I make no such claims for the flowers in your office right now.” Sirius smiled sweetly.</p><p>“For the love of Godric, Sirius, you realize we are <em>professors</em>,” Remus tutted for what seemed like the hundredth time in five months.</p><p>“Sorry, Moony, guess I missed your prefect pin, when’d you get it back?” Sirius huffed. He flicked his wand and the flowers on Remus’s coffee table bloomed into hot pink peonies. “Let’s go. Our reservation’s at seven-thirty.”</p><p>Thick, white snow flurries fell heavily on them on the way to Madam Puddifoot’s, and both of them were almost completely soaked by the time they arrived. Remus wanded both of their clothes and hair dry just as they stepped into the tea shop. The place was as cozy as Remus remembered it from their adventures spying on Prongs and Lily. The place was packed with adult couples huddled together on aptly-named loveseats.</p><p>“Table for two, dears?” The kind-looking, older witch exchanging one of the cream-colored tablecloths asked them. Her face lit up as she looked up at them. “Hang on. Aren’t you Sirius Black?”</p><p>Sirius grinned. “In the flesh. Do you want a signature?”</p><p>“Actually, yes. My friend Martha won’t believe it – she voted for you twenty-odd times in that <em>Witch Weekly</em> contest, you know,” she said, rooting around in the pockets of her apron for a pen. “My name’s Betty.”</p><p>“Well, I’m happy to meet you Betty,” Sirius said loftily. “This is my significant other, Lemus.”</p><p>When Betty turned her back to get a piece of paper, Remus gave Sirius the middle finger. Sirius stuck his tongue out at him. Sirius signed the piece of parchment with a flourish and allowed her to lead the way to their little round table. After Sirius requested <em>a little privacy</em>, Betty happily obliged and took them to the most secluded corner in the whole place. It was so dark, Remus thought he’d have to cast Lumos just to be able to read the small words on the wine list. He peered down at the small candle lighting up the table.</p><p>“I hope you enjoy your time here,” Betty said enthusiastically. “Please let me know if you need anything else. First bottle of wine on the house.”</p><p>Sirius and Remus thanked her in a single chorus.</p><p>“Well, well, well,” Remus said, running his hands through his hair and shaking it so that the last bits of water fell off the ends. “I’m dating a celebrity. ”</p><p>“Jealous?” Sirius asked coquettishly as he flipped through the menu, bringing it dangerously close to the candle so that he could read.</p><p>“Not at all,” Remus said, wrapping his leg around Sirius’s underneath the table. “Aren’t I the one who gets to take you home at the end of the night?”</p><p>“Are you assuming I’m going to just put out? I don’t sleep with someone on the first date, you know,” Sirius said, putting on his most aristocratic and prim tone.</p><p>“My apologies,” Remus said. He leaned across the table and met Sirius’s shining grey gaze in the candlelight. “I just assumed.”</p><p>“Assumed <em>what</em>, sir?” Sirius asked, pretending to be outraged.</p><p>“Assumed you were willing to make an exception for me,” Remus said, peering at Sirius from underneath his eyelashes in an outrageous imitation of Sirius himself.</p><p>“Perhaps you guessed right.” Sirius grinned. “I’m a bit of a tart. Especially when it comes to Defense Against the Dark Arts professors, my preferred demographic.”</p><p>“I hear Gilderoy Lockhart’s single,” Remus offered. “Shall I ring him up?”</p><p>“Very funny, Lemus,” Sirius said coolly.</p><p>Betty returned, and they ordered their meals from her with enthusiasm. To be more precise, Sirius insisted on ordering half the entrées just to taste them, and a half dozen bottle of wines to match.</p><p>“What’s the occasion?” Remus asked, half-jokingly.</p><p>“You and me. We’re the occasion,” Sirius said.</p><p>“So is this the first real<em> date</em> that you’ve taken me on in twenty years?” Remus asked.</p><p>Sirius thought about it. “It might be. I think the last one we had was at that French place in Islington, back in the day. I mean, I took you out to that fancy steakhouse over the summer.”</p><p>Remus nearly choked on his sparkling water. “We were with Harry for that. And we weren’t even really together back then.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t be the first time a Potter inadvertently third-wheeled us,” Sirius said fondly.</p><p>“Remember when we spied on Lily and James here in seventh year?” Remus mused. “I remember exactly where we were sitting, too.”</p><p>“Yes. Wonder if the roles are reversed now,” Sirius said with a bittersweet smile.</p><p>Remus leaned across the table and took his hand, rubbing his fingers against Sirius’s knuckles. “Yeah. I imagine Prongs and Lily are sitting over at that table yonder, yelling at both of us that we’re idiots.”</p><p>“Ah,” Sirius nodded. “So not that different from real life, then. If you close your eyes and think hard, you can almost hear McKinnon behind them calling me a git.”</p><p>“I’m afraid your connection to the other side must be failing you,” Remus said. “She called you a dumb son of a bitch.”</p><p>They smiled at each other. Sirius looked pensive as he dragged his thumb over Remus’s hands, then his wrists.</p><p>“How did we end up the last two alive, Moony?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Remus said simply, the memories of his friends suddenly heavy and sweet on his tongue. “But I miss them.”</p><p>“Me too. Every day, really,” Sirius admitted.</p><p>“But they’re out there. Somewhere, living in eternal youth,” Remus said fervently, thinking of his time looking at the photobooks in the fall, and the pictures of his friends as he would always hold them in his mind.</p><p>There was a moment of thoughtful, deep silence. Remus thought that Sirius would say something heavy, but instead he perked up. “Hey, remember when James walked in on us that one time? The very first time?”</p><p>Remus laughed. “How could I forget? He looked as though he wasn’t sure whether to hex us or hex himself first.”</p><p>The mood cleared suddenly, like the promise of a sunny day after a downpour. In the midst of a lavish, multi-course meal, and several glasses of wine, they thought about James and Lily and the wedding that had been flooded with every kind of emotion – terror, joy, and undeniable love. They remembered Mary and Marlene’s obsession with ABBA – a love that Sirius had secretly harbored as well, though he would be loath to admit it – and the way that they used to monopolize the music in the common room. They toasted to Alice and Frank, teetering at the precipices of living and not, and to their son, whom they were both lucky enough to have in their classrooms.</p><p>Remus watched Sirius throw his head back in laughter as he remembered James’s bungled attempts to get Lily out on a date at the end of sixth year and thought wildly that he wanted to bottle the sound of it and wear it on a necklace around his throat. He thought about how the hundreds of thousands of words that Victor Hugo had diligently written in French and even the multiple efforts at translating the thousand-page work into Remus’s native tongue fell short of describing the feeling that stormed through him. Remus gave Sirius a look that he knew was certifiably dreamy but that he could not bother changing.</p><p>“Keep looking at me like that, and I swear we’re both going to be tossed out of here for public indecency.” Sirius said devilishly.</p><p>“Would you care?” Remus replied. He slipped his hand on Sirius’s leg.</p><p>“I would, since they’d be ruining my plan.”</p><p>“And what plan is that?” Remus asked, pouring himself a glass of water. “Besides strutting down our very nostalgic yellow brick road.”</p><p>“Is that a muggle thing, the yellow brick road?”</p><p>“Yes. It’s from <em>The Wizard of Oz</em>.”</p><p>“Fascinating. So they write about wizards but then don’t think magic is real?”</p><p>“Can we get back to the main topic?” Remus asked mildly. “What plan are you talking about?”</p><p>“My proposal,” Sirius said offhandedly.</p><p>Remus flushed. “I’m sorry, what?”</p><p>Sirius looked gleeful. “So, here? Do you want to be engaged here, Moony?”</p><p>“<em>What</em>? Did I miss something?”</p><p>Sirius grinned. “So you agreed last month that you wanted to marry me someday, right?”</p><p>“Right.”</p><p>“Alright, then we’re moving to the next step. You’re a bit of a control freak, and I figured that I’d at least try different places on you so you can decide what you want.”</p><p>“Sirius are you…are you proposing right now?” Remus asked, pulling at the collar of his neck, which now felt extremely warm.</p><p>“I suppose I am. But more like I’m proposing to propose, you know. It’s a whole process. After all, I still need a ring,” Sirius said grandly.</p><p>“We don’t need a ring. Or at least, I don’t need one. It feels a little old-school, don’t you think? Too traditional for a decidedly untraditional pair?”</p><p>“Call it the last remnant of the ancient and most noble house of whatever, but I sort of like it,” Sirius said. “It makes it feel…formal, somehow. It makes it feel solid.”</p><p>“Sirius, this doesn’t need to be a whole thing,” Remus protested. “It doesn’t need to be anything special, you know.”</p><p>“I’m making it a whole thing,” Sirius said smugly. He put a handsome amount of galleons down on the table and helped Remus into his coat. “And since the Quaffle is on your side of the pitch here, I figured I’d at least give you some options. Plus, I really wanted to try the potatoes au gratin, I heard from Charity that they were excellent.”</p><p>“And what’s the conclusion you’ve drawn?” Remus asked with amusement.</p><p>Sirius frowned. “They were good, though Kreacher’s are unfortunately better. Don’t tell him that, though. He’ll get cocky.”</p><p>The world had become white and silent during the time that they had been having dinner indoors. It felt as though they were trapped in a picturesque snow globe, or like one of those landscape paintings that people hung in their living rooms. Despite the cold, Remus felt pleasantly warm as he gripped Sirius’s hand on the way back home.</p><p>“You know, whatever wedding we have is going to be covered in the magazines,” Sirius said, waggling his eyebrows.</p><p>Remus made a face. “Maybe we should keep it small.”</p><p>“There’ll be two hundred people there, minimum,” Sirius declared. “Hottest event of the year.”</p><p>“I don’t know if I even know two hundred people,” Remus laughed.</p><p>Sirius smiled. “I mean, we could bugger off and elope in the Lake District, but then what if we want to honeymoon there, what do we do with Harry–”</p><p>Without thinking twice about it, Remus pressed Sirius into one of the brick walls of Hogsmeade and kissed him as though they never had before, as though it were truly a first date where they had been eyeing each other and exchanging caresses under the table with pregnant possibility hanging between them, as though they did not care if they asphyxiated with each other’s breaths still in their throats. Sirius kissed back furiously, his mouth pressed against Remus’s so tightly that Remus would have been at a loss to say which belonged to him. They kissed for what felt like hours, as though they were making up for lost time. They kissed and remembered what they had lost and all that they had gained. In a split second, Remus made up his mind.</p><p>“You said that the decision on where to get engaged is mine, right?”</p><p>“Correct,” Sirius said, his eyes soft with sentimentality.  </p><p>“I’m in love with you,” Remus said breathlessly. “And I love you. I want you to marry me. Let’s get engaged right here.”</p><p>He dropped to one knee, barely feeling the crunch of snow underneath his pants with the giddiness of the moment and the glow of the wine on his mouth.</p><p>“Wait, what about my plan?” Sirius laughed, scrambling to his knees and attempting to pull Remus back up with no success. “This was supposed to be my moment to shine, Remus John Lupin! I had a whole plan and everything, a three-step proposal, then the wedding, then the honeymoon.”</p><p>“Fuck the plan.”</p><p>“Rebel rebel,” Sirius said, breaking out into the Bowie song.  </p><p> “You like me, and I like it all,” Remus sang back to him. He held their clasped hands together, feeling nothing despite the frigid weather and yet feeling everything coursing through him.</p><p>“What about the ring?” Sirius’s eyes glimmered with mischief, as they had when they had carried out pranks that had taken months to plan and execute. He looked as though they were about to embark on another adventure, the Marauder’s Map in hand.</p><p>“Look, you’re wearing about a hundred of them right now,” Remus said, letting go of his hand to point down to Sirius’s stacked rings. “Just give me one of those.”</p><p>“These don’t even count!” Sirius complained.</p><p>“I don’t care. Get off your knees, Sirius, and don’t you <em>dare</em> make this moment dirty.” Remus warned.</p><p>“This is...the most unromantic place I’ve ever seen. We’re standing in an alleyway, Moony.”</p><p>“Rather fitting, for the likes of us,” Remus remarked. “Never a dull moment and all that.”</p><p>“Will you marry me?” Sirius tilted his head up to look at him.</p><p>“No,” Remus said flatly, and Sirius practically shouted in protest. “Will you marry <em>me</em>?” Remus asked, and he tilted his head back to look at the stars.</p><p><em>Not bright enough, not by a long shot</em>, Remus thought swiftly, turning back towards his own with a sopping, foolish grin on his face. He saw his smile mirrored in Sirius’s. There, in the middle of the snowfall, they both looked fresh and new.</p><p>“Enough of this back and forth. Yes, I will marry you. Will you marry me, then? If you say no, I’m Apparating on the spot.” Sirius asked, a large, swooping grin still hanging from his lips until Remus replaced the smile on his mouth, sending them both flying into a pile of thick snow in an act of recklessness that Remus’s hips and knees were sure to lament the following day.</p><p>“Yes. Oui. What language do you want me to say it in?”</p><p>“Ancient Greek,” Sirius said dazedly.</p><p>They finally scrambled to their feet and brushed the snow away. It felt futile, to attempt to get anywhere near dry as the snow continued to fall hard upon them. They looked at each other and laughed as though they had never heard anything funnier.</p><p>“We’re engaged then,” Remus grinned.</p><p>“I wanted Harry to know right away,” Sirius sighed. “But seeing as it’s late, I guess we’ll tell him tomorrow.”</p><p>Remus slipped his hand into Sirius’s as they walked past the gates and into Hogwarts. “Let’s call him.”</p><p>“Are you, a <em>professor</em>, and not only that, the swottiest professor on the faculty, telling me to wake up our godson at half past midnight so that we can tell him we got engaged?” Sirius looked incredulous.</p><p>“I’m not telling you to not,” Remus said.</p><p>“You never cease to amaze me,” Sirius said. He reached into his pocket and located the two-way compact mirror that he had given Harry for his birthday. He and James had once used it to chat with each other over the holidays. “Harry,” he whispered. “Are you up?”</p><p>There was a pause, and then Harry’s bed-rumpled hair appeared. They watched as he squinted and then put his glasses on, focusing the mirror so that Lily Evans’s green eyes stared at them.</p><p>“Are you alright?” Harry whispered.</p><p>“Never better. Listen, Harry, can you come meet us in Sirius’s office?” Remus asked.</p><p>“<em>Now</em>?” Harry asked skeptically.</p><p>“Yes, we’re engaged and want to share a butterbeer with you,” Sirius said, nearly walking straight into Nearly Headless Nick, who looked rather annoyed. “Sorry, mate.”</p><p>“Engaged to do what?” Harry asked sleepily.</p><p>“Engaged to get married,” Remus said patiently.</p><p>“<em>You’re getting married</em>?” Harry demanded loudly.</p><p>“Who’s getting married?” They heard Ron’s sleepy voice call out.</p><p>“Sirius and Remus,” Harry said, before Remus could tell him to keep it quiet.</p><p>“Er, that’s nice. When?” Ron asked, and he suddenly appeared next to Harry in the small mirror.</p><p>“Right now,” Sirius said cheekily, unlocking the door to his office and sitting down on his desk. He shrugged his way out of his jacket, and Remus threw his coat on a chair.</p><p>“You can’t get married right now,” Ron exclaimed.</p><p>“Why not?” Sirius asked defiantly.</p><p>“Who’s getting hitched?” Another voice, that Remus recognized as Seamus’s, boomed.</p><p>“Professor Black and Professor Lupin, I reckon, based on the conversation,” Neville’s voice chimed in. “D’you mind if we come too?”</p><p>“Oh, that’s excellent,” Dean chirped from the background. “I’m joining.”</p><p>Remus could not stop laughing at the chattering voices on the other side. Sirius grabbed him and pulled him tight.</p><p>“Well, Hermione won’t want to miss this either,” Harry said quickly. “Can we get her too?”</p><p>“Brilliant,” Ron said excitedly. “I’ll get Ginny. She’ll want to come, and Fred and George. They’re absolutely mad, as you know, but they really like both of you. They’re sorry about Remus’s classroom, too.”</p><p>“We’re not getting married right this minute,” Remus laughed. “We’re just…it’s just…oh Godric. Soon. But not tonight.”</p><p>The boys quieted somewhat. “Well, congratulations, then,” Seamus said cheerily. “We can’t wait for the wedding. We’ll all be invited, yeah?”</p><p>Remus and Sirius exchanged glances.</p><p>“We’ve got to get an invite. My grandmother won’t forgive me if she doesn’t get invited to this,” Neville said to no one in particular. “You’re in all the papers, you know.”</p><p>“Fine, yes, sure,” Sirius said dismissively. “Now listen, you lot, get to bed. Don’t give the prefects any excuses to hand out detentions. They’re the worst. I should know – my fiancé was one, once upon a time.”</p><p>“Sleep well,” Remus called out.</p><p>“Hang on, Potter,” they heard Seamus say as they closed the mirror. “Why do you have a special way to call Professor Black?”</p><p>Neville laughed. “Oh Seamus, it’s because you weren’t at his birthday, since you were on holiday. See, Professor Black is Harry’s godfather.”</p><p>“What?” Seamus cried aloud.</p><p>“<em>Good night</em>,” Remus and Sirius said in unison, and Sirius snapped the compact shut.</p><p>Sirius stretched his arms up over his head and laughed throatily. “Well, I’d say our real date was a success. Ended up engaged, and I reckon we caused quite a bit of chaos in Gryffindor Tower.”</p><p> “Looks like that two hundred person prediction of yours is looking more and more certain,” Remus sighed. He looked around and then up at the bewitched ceiling in Sirius’s office. “Why are we here?”</p><p>“Because I wanted to show you that you didn’t quite ruin <em>all</em> my plans.”</p><p>He leapt off his desk and clambered to the other side. With a quick flick of his wand, he unlocked the top left drawer and removed a velvet box from it. He handed it to Remus, who opened it to find a shining gold ring. Remus studied it, the swirls and curlicues that blended into each other in a never-ending loop. He looked closer and realized that they were not swirls at all, but constellations hovering next to the crescent moon in a golden night sky that eternally circled around the rim. Remus looked up at Sirius. “It’s beautiful.”</p><p>“You like it?” Sirius asked anxiously.</p><p>“I think it’s lovely,” Remus said honestly, as Sirius put it on his hand. Somehow, even what he saw as his unremarkable hands seemed to be made of gold. “It’s beautiful, Sirius, really.”</p><p>Sirius rummaged through his drawers and waggled his finger at Remus. “Look, I got the matching set.”</p><p>“When’d you even buy these?”</p><p>Sirius’s voice got quiet. “A lifetime ago.”</p><p>He hopped on the desk next to Remus. They drank each other in for a moment.</p><p>“Wish that James and Lily were here to see this,” Sirius said, putting his head on Remus’s shoulder. “They probably would’ve been betting on it.”</p><p>Remus laughed. And then somewhere along the way, tears came to his eyes as he thought about his friends deep underground in Godric’s Hollow. It would have been Lily’s thirty-fifth birthday next week, he realized. The mood changed once more, and it felt like silent drops of rain trickling down from the sky in the aftermath of a rainbow. No less than a minute later, the ghostly, striking form of Prongs galloped into the room, head raised proudly. Remus’s mouth went dry. Sirius sat straight up.</p><p>“James?” Sirius asked, stunned. “Is that…is that you?”</p><p>Then, the Patronus spoke, and Harry’s voice echoed throughout Sirius’s office.</p><p>“I’m still learning how to do this, so, er, I hope it gets to you and not Malfoy or someone. It’s brilliant that you’re getting married. Wish my mum and dad were here to see it, though. But at least I have you. Both of you. It’s like I get two godfathers out of it, not just the one. And I reckon…I reckon that’s worth a whole lot. Anyways, see you tomorrow after Quidditch practice for tea. I hope Remus still has those chocolate biscuits from last time. Anyways, bye. And er, congrats again.”</p><p>Prongs bowed his head at them elegantly and then disappeared into thin air. Once more, Remus and Sirius were left behind in Prongs’ wake. But this time, Remus thought as he wiped at Sirius’s cheekbones with his ringed hand, they had each other, and they had Harry. And as his godson had quite adeptly stated, that was worth a whole lot.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you so, so much for your kind words and comments, kudos, and bookmarks. this story has been such a joy to write, and it becomes even more entertaining when i have such amazing readers!!</p><p>you will see that like with tlgad, i have added an ending chapter count for this story (which may fluctuate). because this story focuses on one academic year, it makes it easier to have a defined structural beginning and ending. but no worries - we still have a lot to see and do before then!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>February opened its jaws and swallowed the last days of January whole. On the first Friday of the month, Apollo’s sun rays opened up on Hogwarts for the first time in what felt like a lifetime, and Sirius insisted (demanded, really) that Remus take Padfoot for a walk. It was the sunniest day that they had had in the otherwise interminable depths of winter. Sirius was insistent that Padfoot should be allowed to frolic in the sunshine, <em>just like any other pet, Moony.</em></p><p>“But you aren’t a pet, Sirius,” Remus shook his head. “You’re a human. Also my fiancé. And <em>also</em> a professor.”</p><p>“Yes, so I’ve heard,” Sirius said cheerfully.</p><p>“There’ll be so many students around,” Remus objected, buttoning up his coat. “What’s keeping us from just going as two humans?”</p><p>Sirius huffed his hair out of his eyes. “I’m tired of answering wedding questions. Everyone wants an invitation and I’m inclined to tell everyone to bugger off. Can you believe <em>Draco Malfoy</em> asked me after Charms if I needed Malfoy Manor’s address? That bloody twat hates us. And we hate him back, for the record.”</p><p>Remus could not resist the smile that crept onto his face. The boys of Gryffindor Tower had done a shoddy job of keeping the news of the engagement secret, mostly because neither Sirius nor Remus had had the heart to tell them to keep it to themselves. Professor Lupin and Professor Black had showed up to their respective classes on Monday wearing matching, intricate gold rings, and that was enough to confirm the rumors that had circled around Hogwarts over the weekend. The Weasley twins had set off a couple of golden fireworks that week to celebrate, earning themselves a demerit from Professor McGonagall (it would have been a full detention, but they argued that would be censorship of their passionate allyship, and McGonagall relented).</p><p>In late January, <em>The Daily Prophet</em> had run a full-page column on Remus and Sirius, featuring the photographs that they had somehow obtained from the Hogwarts photobooks and taking great liberties with the story of their courtship. Rita Skeeter had even gifted them a ridiculous portmanteau of their last names. Sirius had been entertained enough by the column that he had cut it out of the newspaper and framed it. He was particularly tickled by the theory that Rita had put forward, claiming that Remus had followed Sirius, who had supposedly moonlighted as a muggle singer at some time during the late Seventies, as a groupie.</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus chided, pulling on his charcoal-colored gloves and a matching hat. “We can’t say we hate any of our students, no matter what our personal feelings are. Our job is to be there for them no matter what.”</p><p>Sirius gave Remus an adoring and yet slightly miffed look. “You’re too good for me. Malfoy is not invited to this wedding. And I want to take a walk, but I’m going as Padfoot.”</p><p>Remus laughed and shook his head, pushing the hair out of his eyes. His hair had grown quite long – and also, judging from the mirror in his living quarters, greyer than usual. Despite Sirius’s impassioned arguments that the look was a sexy one and that Remus only got better with age, Remus felt rather like Nicholas Flamel at the tender age of six hundred and sixty-five. Still, despite the wear and tear of his bones and the grey hairs that had begun to crop up all over his head, Remus was grateful that he had reached an age where he could count more of his greys than ever. It was strange to believe that he would be turning thirty-five next month: if he had been asked about how long he expected to live at twenty-one, he would have offered a far lower guess indeed.</p><p>“Alright then,” Remus said, grinning at Sirius’s defiant expression. He patted his thigh encouragingly. “Let’s go, Padfoot.”</p><p>Sirius transformed immediately into the large, shaggy dog. No matter how many times he had seen Sirius transform into Padfoot, he thought fondly of James every time, and once again marveled at how he and Sirius had been the masterminds behind becoming animagi. He wondered what life would have been like had James been able to join them as a professor. Remus reckoned that the Marauders would have set the castle aflame. Again.</p><p>“Your fur is too long,” Remus tutted, kneeling down to run his fingers through it. “Pity I can’t leave the grounds to bring you to the Magical Menagerie.”</p><p>In response, Padfoot barked twice and licked Remus’s cheek with his long, pink tongue. Remus backed away with a laugh and ruffled Padfoot’s hair.</p><p>“I don’t know where that mouth’s been, you mangy cur,” Remus said affectionately. “You kiss your boyfriend with that mouth?”</p><p>Padfoot let out one decisive woof. Remus rolled his eyes.</p><p>“Yes, fiancé, I know. Let me leash you up.”</p><p>Padfoot barked once more at him and wagged his tail from side to side. It slapped against the floor.</p><p>“Don’t you make this dirty, or I’ll put you in one of those puppy play pens,” Remus warned as he clicked the leash into place.</p><p>Padfoot made a squeaky noise that Remus could only interpret as a laugh.</p><p>As they made their way out of the castle and onto the grounds, the two of them could scarcely escape the ubiquitous chatter of students who were looking forward to that weekend’s Quidditch match – Hufflepuff against Gryffindor. Even the generally mild-mannered Hufflepuffs could not stop boasting that it would be a match for the ages, seeing as they had the best Hufflepuff squad that they had had in decades. Several of them came up to Remus to strike up a conversation about the match the next day. The students were quite fond of petting the dog that the early risers among them had seen with Professor Lupin around the grounds a few times. None of them leaned down close enough to realize that Padfoot’s new collar matched Professor Lupin’s gold engagement ring almost exactly. Remus imagined what their reactions would be if they knew that they were ruffling the very fluffy fur of their Charms professor. Somehow, he did not think that they would be too shocked by the revelation. Sirius had proven himself beyond the realm of predictability at this point.</p><p>“I bet Seamus Finnegan two galleons on a Hufflepuff victory,” Justin exclaimed. “I better win. I don’t think I actually have two galleons to spare.”</p><p>“I’ll lend you some if you lose,” Susan Bones said. “But you’re ridiculous, betting money that you don’t have, Justin.”</p><p>“Call it a testament to Hufflepuff house spirit,” Justin said brazenly. “We deserve some of the glory, don’t you think, Professor? Even Professor Sprout thinks so.”</p><p>“Yes, house spirit seems to be overflowing these days,” Remus smiled.</p><p>“It’s going to be a brilliant game, Professor Lupin,” Ernie proclaimed loudly, petting Padfoot a little too eagerly on the head. “There’s no one quite like Cedric. I mean, Harry’s a fine Seeker, of course, but Cedric has undisputed talent. He could’ve given Viktor Krum a run for his money.”</p><p>Padfoot growled slightly at Ernie, who reached his hand back almost immediately towards his side. He eyed Padfoot suspiciously.</p><p>“He’s a big Gryffindor fan,” Remus said gingerly. “You’ll have to excuse him. Padfoot is terrible at minding his manners sometimes.”</p><p>“I love that name,” Hannah cooed. “How’d you come up with it? He’s really cute, Professor.”</p><p>Remus could not bring himself to look down at Padfoot’s clever grey eyes. He saw Padfoot’s tail wagging from side to side energetically out of his peripheral vision. “He practically named himself.”</p><p>“Will he be at the wedding, professor?” Susan asked eagerly.</p><p>Remus hemmed and hawed. “Padfoot will play some part at the wedding, yes. I’m sure that he’ll play an outsized role, actually.”</p><p>Padfoot whined with laughter.</p><p>“Where is Professor Black anyways? Spiffing good fellow, Professor Lupin, I’m glad that you’re getting married to him,” Ernie declared.</p><p>“He’s…a bit tied up right now,” Remus conceded with a laugh. He pulled gently at the leash around Padfoot’s neck.</p><p>“My aunt figures that she knows Professor Black well enough to get an invitation,” Susan said. “But if not, maybe you can invite us anyways.”</p><p>Padfoot began straining at the leash. Clearly, Sirius was eager to walk away from this conversation.</p><p>“Pardon me. Padfoot’s a little impatient,” Remus explained, as the leash wrapped around his wrist and Padfoot began to drag him towards a more isolated corner of the grounds. “He’s been stuck inside for a few days. See you all tomorrow at the match!”</p><p>Once they were away from the students, Padfoot began to trot excitedly around the fringes of the Forbidden Forest. Remus unleashed Padfoot, and he almost immediately began sniffing some flowers that had somehow managed to survive the winter frost.</p><p>“They’re going to find out it’s you one of these days,” Remus said dryly. “You’re lucky they’re all too busy wondering whether Hufflepuff or Gryffindor’s winning tomorrow.”</p><p>Padfoot snuffled around the snow, ignoring Remus decidedly.</p><p>Remus walked alongside him, sticking his hands in his pockets. “The Weasleys are coming, too. Molly owled me a letter earlier this week. I’ll be glad to see Ron on his new Nimbus. Good on you to give it to him.”</p><p>Padfoot barked amicably in response.</p><p>“Sirius, I feel ridiculous talking to myself,” Remus whispered. “People are going to think I’ve gone a bit mad, you know.”</p><p>Padfoot let out the same high-pitched squeak from earlier and nudged a lump of not-yet-melted snow onto Remus’s boot. “Yes, very funny, Loony Lupin and all that. Who are you, Peeves?”</p><p>“Remus? Sirius?” Harry whispered from a few feet away. Remus turned to see Harry, Ron, and Hermione standing there and gaping at them. “Why is Sirius…er…Padfoot right now?”</p><p>Padfoot rushed at Harry and jumped all over his legs. Harry threw his head back and laughed until he coughed. Padfoot let Hermione and Ron pet him fondly before trotting over to Remus’s side. Remus scratched behind his ears absentmindedly.</p><p>Remus grinned. “Hello, you three. It seems that your Charms professor has lost his mind with everyone asking about what flowers we’re having at the wedding, so he thought it’d be easier to come as his alter ego.”</p><p>“Er, sorry again about that,” Ron said quickly. “We didn’t know Parvati and Lavender were in the common room when we told Hermione, and then after that it spread like wildfire.”</p><p>“Never mind that, Ron,” Remus said kindly. “It’s all in good fun. But Sirius wanted a change in scenery and so decided to transform into his better half.”</p><p>“Ah yes,” Ron snickered. He imitated Professor Trelawney’s mystical voice. “<em>The Grim</em>. Hey Harry, remember when you thought you were going to die and it just ended up being Sirius?”</p><p>“You weren’t laughing about it when you practically keeled over in Divination,” Hermione said coolly. “You were the first person who said something about your Great-Uncle dropping dead from the Grim. Honestly, Ronald.”</p><p>Harry grinned. When he spoke, his voice was raspier than usual. “Hermione’s right, Ron. You were scared out of your wits about Sirius being the Grim.”</p><p>He sneezed into the crook of his elbow once, twice, and a third time.</p><p>“Are you alright, Harry?” Remus asked, a crease forming on his forehead.</p><p>“Oh, it’s nothing–” Harry started, but Hermione interrupted him.</p><p>“Please, Harry’s been feeling a bit under the weather and refuses to go to Madam Pomfrey,” Hermione told Remus with obvious exasperation.</p><p>Padfoot immediately transformed into Sirius. Harry shot Hermione a harsh look.</p><p>“You’re sick, and you didn’t tell me or Remus?” Sirius demanded, hurrying over to his godson and peering into Harry’s face as though he were looking into the dregs of a teacup to tell his fortune. “We would’ve broken into Gryffindor Tower to find out what was wrong. I’ve already done that once, anyways, it’s easier than it looks.”</p><p>“Harry, what’s wrong? You seemed alright in class yesterday,” Remus frowned. Now that the sun shifted slightly, Remus could see that Harry did look pale underneath his dark skin. Beads of sweat gathered on his forehead despite the coldness of the day.</p><p>“He started not feeling well after dinner last night,” Hermione tutted.</p><p>“Last night? So more than twelve hours ago, then?” Sirius asked huffily. “That’s brilliant, Harry. You have both of us in the same place as you and you couldn’t come find us?”</p><p>Harry tried to duck his head down as Sirius continued prodding at his face, using his wand to shine a light right into Harry’s eyeballs. “Sirius, <em>please</em>, you’re embarrassing me.”</p><p>“I’m doing no such thing.” Sirius said firmly. “Moony, hand me your hat.”</p><p>“I don’t need to wear a hat,” Harry protested, but was interrupted by a woeful, watery cough. Remus cast the Geminio Charm on his hat and handed the second knit one over to Sirius. With emphasis, Sirius jammed it on his head. Ron started laughing until Sirius gave him a truly devastating look.</p><p>“And you two, letting him walk around in this weather!”</p><p>“Trust me, I told Harry that he should stay in bed as much as possible,” Hermione offered.</p><p>“We were coming back from Quidditch practice,” Ron objected. “The game is tomorrow, in case you didn’t remember.”</p><p>“<em>Practice</em>?” Sirius roared. “I’m speaking to Angelina right this very minute. She can’t have Harry practicing when he’s sick.”</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus said sharply. “You’ll do no such thing. But Harry, you really shouldn’t be outside this much if you’re not feeling that well,” Remus said in a far more patient tone. “It may be perfectly sunny, but it’s also very cold outside. If you’re feeling ill, why don’t you head over to the Hospital Wing and get some Pepper-Up? We’ll come with you if you’d like.”</p><p>“I’m fine,” Harry said stubbornly, though he was undermined by a more thunderous cough. “I don’t want a Pepper-Up Potion. It always makes me feel kind of dizzy, and I want to be in prime condition for tomorrow.”</p><p>“But you’re not going to be your best self if you insist on playing when you’re sick,” Remus reminded him, taking off his scarf and wrapping it carefully around Harry’s neck.</p><p>Harry sighed dramatically and attempted to loosen the knot that Remus had tied around his neck. Sirius tightened it even more in response and gave Harry a defiant look, as though he dared his godson to untie it.</p><p>“Alright then,” Sirius said. “Remus, let’s go. We’re taking Harry to the Hospital Wing.”</p><p>“No, come on, Sirius,” Harry groaned. “You’re over-exaggerating. Remus, <em>please</em>, try to talk some sense into him. He’ll listen to you.”</p><p>Remus wriggled one hand out of his mittens, placed his hand against Harry’s forehead, and shook his head.</p><p>“You feel a bit warm, Harry,” Remus said with concern. “I’d rather leave this in Poppy’s hands.”</p><p>“It’s because we were exercising, really! Pepper-Up makes me feel disoriented,” Harry argued. He attempted to hide a series of increasingly high-pitched sneezes with little success.</p><p>Remus smiled wryly. “Unfortunately, that is not a good enough excuse. I’m sorry to say that this stubbornness seems to be genetic. James once played a Quidditch match with a half-broken leg because he was afraid of being replaced on the team. Madam Pomfrey gave him quite the shout afterwards.”</p><p>“But did Gryffindor win the game?” Ron pressed.</p><p>Remus rubbed at the bridge of his nose. “Yes.”</p><p>“Come on, it’s getting dark soon,” Sirius said, looking up at the sky. He whipped his head around and then transformed back into Padfoot. He butted Harry forward with his head until the trio began walking up the hill. Harry sighed dramatically.</p><p>“Why didn’t you reach out to us before? You could’ve asked Ron or Hermione to come talk to us, if you weren’t feeling that well,” Remus said gently, patting Harry on the shoulder.</p><p>Harry shrugged. “I mean, I knew what you were going to say. Plus, I didn’t want to bother you. I’ve been sick before. I can usually figure it out.”</p><p>“You know that we want to be bothered, right?” Remus replied. “We’re here for you. For all three of you, really, Ron and Hermione too. No matter how busy we are, we always have time for you, and really for anyone who needs us. Though I suppose the three of you are a special case,” Remus finished with a smile.</p><p>They stepped past the gates and headed for the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey was tending to a student who looked a bit green in the gills.</p><p>“Hello, everyone. Remus, dear,” she said happily. “I mean, Professor Lupin. Lovely to see you. And your dog, as well. He’s very sweet.”</p><p>Her eyes flickered over Padfoot, who sat up in a perfect imitation of refinement.</p><p>“Hello, Madam Pomfrey,” Remus said kindly. “Harry here is feeling a bit under the weather, and we think we could benefit from some Pepper-Up.”</p><p>“Ah, ‘tis the season,” Madam Pomfrey said sagely, rifling through her cupboards. “I’ve had what seems like half the school in here over the last few days. The common cold is a nasty little bug. But don’t worry, it can be easily fixed. Now, remember, some of the common side effects include steaming at the ears and a wee bit of vertigo for the more sensitive types.”</p><p>“I’m not sensitive,” Harry said loudly.</p><p>“Good to know, dear,” Madam Pomfrey said absentmindedly, clearly not putting too much stock behind Harry’s answer. “There we go.”</p><p>Harry tipped the potion down his throat and made a disgusted face. Almost immediately, steam began pouring out of his ears. After a bit of chatter, Madam Pomfrey smiled at them and wished them a good evening and good health.</p><p>“Harry, how do you feel?” Remus asked tentatively, just outside the Hospital Wing. Hermione and Ron gave them privacy and stood a bit off to the side, chatting between themselves.</p><p>“Fine,” Harry said quickly. “Just fine. Kind of dizzy, a little headachy. I’m just afraid that I won’t feel good for tomorrow.”</p><p>Padfoot barked at him.</p><p>“Sirius is right,” Remus said quietly. “What matters the most is your health. We worry about you. And we care a lot that you stay as safe as possible.”</p><p>“But what if I lose?” Harry asked miserably. His voice still sounded croaky.</p><p>Remus embraced Harry tightly. Next to him, Padfoot rubbed his head against Harry’s leg encouragingly. “Then you’ll just try again next time. You’re still the best Quidditch player I’ve ever seen flying, Harry. And yes, that includes James.”</p><p>Harry looked as heartened as he could be, given the steam flowing out of his head.</p><p>*</p><p>For the second year in a row, Gryffindor lost to Hufflepuff. The game was a good deal longer than the one against Ravenclaw had been, and Lee Jordan’s throat was extremely hoarse by the end. Remus felt nearly frozen after several hours outside. Cedric Diggory managed an excellent, swerving catch of the Golden Snitch that Harry might have caught on another day, or perhaps if the weather had not been quite so blustery as it had become that Saturday morning. Ron had made some spectacular saves on his brand-new Nimbus, though that had gotten lost in the woes of defeat. The Gryffindors looked rather sorry for themselves, and the crimson stands were nearly silent.</p><p>“Well, that’s a shame,” Arthur Weasley sighed, handing Sirius the binoculars that he had lent him. “Hate to see Gryffindor losing.”</p><p>“Hufflepuff played well, though,” Molly said. “Amos’s boy is quite good on a broom.”</p><p>“Not better than our boys,” Sirius said quickly.</p><p>“Certainly not,” Arthur agreed with a smile. “Should we go down to see how they’re doing?”</p><p>“Poor Harry,” Remus sighed as he and Sirius traipsed down the steps hand-in-hand, Molly and Arthur trailing behind them slightly. “He must be feeling awful.”</p><p>Surely enough, Harry mulled around the Quidditch pitch with a dejected look on his face. He and the three Weasleys on the house team were huddled together and talking in low, serious voices. Harry took one look at Sirius and Remus and hurried towards them, pulling them towards an emptier part of the pitch.</p><p>Before they had the chance to ask him how he felt, in an uncharacteristically Harry-like movement, he barreled himself into their arms and stayed there.</p><p>“I lost,” Harry said, and his voice was both soft and high-pitched. “We lost.”</p><p>Harry was just a child, at the end of the day, Remus thought, as he and Sirius exchanged looks. He was as tall as the dickens and stubbornly independent, and had faced off against Voldemort three times already. But he was still only a fourteen-year-old who needed someone there to hold him tight and clean up his messes. He should have had that growing up. He should have been used to calling on those he loved when he was sick so that they could take him to the doctor or nurse him back to health or remind him to not over-exert himself. He should have had someone to comfort him when he lost.</p><p>Remus felt his stomach twist into knots as he recalled all that Harry had missed out on. For while Remus had grieved and mourned the loss of his friends in ways that he could not name, Harry had lost his mother, father, and godfather in a single fell swoop that October. The boy who lived was still just that – a boy. The cruelty of it all broke Remus’s heart in a dozen places.</p><p>“You tried your best, and that’s what matters the most,” Remus said soothingly, trying in vain to smooth down Harry’s messy hair.</p><p>“And you were damn good, too. The weather was absolute rubbish, and that didn’t help anything,” Sirius said. “Diggory got lucky.”</p><p>“I can’t help but think that I could’ve just dealt with being sick one more day and maybe we would’ve won,” Harry said gloomily. His Quidditch robes flew every which way in the wind. “And I feel even worse because my head hurts now.”</p><p>“But you might have gotten very sick, if you had never taken the Pepper-Up Potion,” Remus said. “And that would’ve been terrible. For you and for us.”</p><p>“And for Gryffindor too. They would have had to forfeit, unless they could’ve found another Seeker,” Sirius added, as Harry finally stepped away from them and looked down at the grass.</p><p>“I’ve never lost like this, you know. You saw me lose last year but that was because of the Dementors,” Harry said. “Oliver nearly drowned himself in the showers.”</p><p>Sirius whitened when Harry mentioned the Dementors. With his other hand, Remus squeezed his arm.</p><p>“But you can’t win everything, Harry,” Remus reasoned. “Even James lost sometimes.”</p><p>“No he didn’t. Did he?” Harry asked, clearly skeptical.</p><p>“All the time. We talk about how good he was – and he <em>was</em>, but even James Potter’s Quidditch team lost a few times,” Sirius added.</p><p>“The point is,” Remus said, “that you tried hard and practiced hard. Everyone did so well. Ron looked excellent on his new broom, you know, and he never would have gotten to that point if you hadn’t been a good enough friend to try to get him that. That matters even more than Quidditch.”</p><p>Harry sighed. “Would’ve been brilliant if we had won while he was on the broom for the first time, though.”</p><p>“You’ll get them next time,” Sirius said. “It’ll be different. It’ll be the spring, and it’ll be against Slytherin, and you’ll feel much better by then.”</p><p>“Maybe,” Harry sighed. “My head hurts. Everything hurts, really.”</p><p>Remus looked at him sympathetically. “You should go to bed, Harry. Rest up.”</p><p>“I don’t want to go back to the Tower right now,” Harry said grimly. “Everyone’ll be talking about how we lost. And Ron and Hermione will do their best, but I really don’t want to talk.”</p><p>“Wear the Cloak,” Remus suggested.</p><p>“Nah, Ron’ll know I’m there anyways,” Harry said, shaking his head.</p><p>“Then come over,” Sirius said easily, “and we’ll conjure you up a bed, okay?”</p><p>Remus expected Harry to laugh at the suggestion. Instead, much to Remus’s surprise, he nodded at him. After greeting and then giving hasty goodbyes to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, who praised Harry on his performance just as much as they had celebrated Ron’s (Remus was cheered remembering that they had been there for at least part of the time that he and Sirius had not been), Harry followed Remus and Sirius to Sirius’s living quarters, dragging his feet and Firebolt the whole time.</p><p>“You’ll forget the loss soon enough,” Sirius urged, after Harry had washed and Sirius had conjured him up a fluffy-looking bed, complete with decorative pillows. Remus, who had stopped by the Hospital Wing, had forced Harry into taking another Pepper-Up in the interim.</p><p>“Maybe,” Harry frowned. “Or maybe we won’t win ever again and the winning streak is over. We’ll lose to Slytherin too.”</p><p>Remus sat on the edge of the bed, which Sirius had charmed to fit in the living room. “Or maybe you’re just overthinking this right now because your feelings are hurt, which is very natural. In time, even bitter recollections have time to change themselves into sweet remembrances.”</p><p>Sirius stared at him, impressed. “Wow, Moony, that’s real poetry.”</p><p>Remus smiled. “It’s from <em>The Three Musketeers</em>.”</p><p>“You’re so talented,” Sirius beamed.</p><p>“Alright,” Harry said loudly, burying his face into a pillow. “That’s enough.”</p><p>Sirius kissed his godson on the top of the head, burying his handsome, angular features in the mop of dark hair. “Rest.”</p><p>Remus smoothed down the blanket on top of Harry. “We’re right here if you need us.”</p><p>“You’ll stay with me?” Harry asked, his words fading slowly into drowsiness. Remus gently took his glasses off and placed them on the nightstand next to him, remembering the times he had done this for James after he had had a bit too much to drink.</p><p>Sirius and Remus met each other’s gazes, and Remus felt instinctively that he and Sirius were singing the same chorus in their heads, a beat of love overlaid with words of melancholy.</p><p>“Until the very end,” Sirius said tenderly, with meaning behind his grey eyes, and Remus knew that he was swearing an oath stronger than an Unbreakable Vow.</p><p>***</p><p>The week blazed onwards, and as Remus had predicted, the memory of the Quidditch loss faded into the background more with every passing day, until it was barely a silhouette.</p><p>The following Friday found Remus in his office, which was still covered on every empty surface with the everlasting flowers with which Sirius had adorned his office the night that they had gotten engaged. Remus noted with a snort that at some point since the last time that he had set up shop in his office, Sirius had also taken the liberty of putting several framed pictures of himself on Remus’s desk.</p><p>After a rather busy week that had involved a number of surreptitious trips into Hogsmeade, Remus had set himself to grading a stack of essays that he had been putting off for several days. He was dismayed to note that the essays that seemed to have multiplied themselves with the Geminio Charm. Though Remus felt himself running ragged with the weight of the upcoming moon deep in his sinews, he told himself that he would be terribly behind on his work if he blew the afternoon off to relax, and that was no example to set for his students.</p><p>Amusingly, or perhaps not, the papers that took up most of Remus’s desk space on this blustery Friday in February were on a topic that he knew only too well. The Defense Against the Dark Arts curriculum, set forth by the Ministry of Magic, had specified that werewolves were to be taught at multiple points over the course of a student’s education at Hogwarts. For fear that students would notice if he were loath to discuss werewolves at all, Remus abided strictly by that part of the mandated curriculum even as he took significant liberties with teaching other aspects of Defense Against the Dark Arts.</p><p>Treating werewolf bites was taught to the first years in the fall. (Remus would never forget the stupefied, befuddled faces of the muggleborn first years as they realized that werewolves were not just part of fairy tales). The prescribed syllabi for the second and third years, which was heavy on so-called Dark Creatures, spent a week each on werewolves and mandated that Remus assign pages from a textbook that had been published several decades before he had even been born. Thankfully, despite the ancient regime that the textbooks belonged to, the author, Galatea Merrythought, had clearly not been interested in distributing prejudice. Instead, the book examined werewolf bites with precision and offered clinical thoughts on how to distinguish a real wolf from a werewolf. Remus, of course, could present a symposium on these details, including the ones that Merrythought had omitted.</p><p>Last year had been fine enough, save Snape’s vindictive efforts to move his syllabus around when he had agreed to cover one of Remus’s classes after the full moon, a bit of calculus that had eventually led Hermione to uncover one of Remus’s secrets. Sirius had been outraged when he had heard the full story from Remus and had added this tally to the treatise that he had been working on since the summer, elegantly titled <em>A Thousand and One Reasons Why Snivellus is a Fucker</em>.</p><p>In some ways, being forced to teach about his own condition was excruciating. Still, it was better that he could teach his students about lycanthropy on his own terms and on his own time. He could not imagine teaching another subject and waiting by, holding his breath to hear if his colleague had infused the curriculum with some anti-werewolf propaganda that would run through the school. It had been the same when he was in school – Remus had been petrified whenever the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Professor Slinkhard, had assigned readings on werewolves. Though their professor had tried his very best to instill in his students a respect for all creatures, whether they were considered “Dark” or not, Remus could not shake the feeling that someone would put two and two together.</p><p>((He had been right, of course. Eventually, Lily had figured it out but had kept the secret to herself until Remus had finally thought to tell her the truth.))</p><p>Over the thumping beats of Queen’s <em>Jazz</em>, Remus worked at scratching off inconsistencies in his students’ essays and praising others for their deliberate work<em>. </em>Remus was deep into Luna Lovegood’s assessments on why werewolves were truly the most misunderstood of the Dark Creatures (a sentiment that Remus shared, but which nonetheless did not answer the call of the question) when he heard a soft rap at the door. He checked his wristwatch and frowned. Sirius could not have gotten out of class already, and even if he had, he was the type to burst through the door with an exuberant look on his face rather than politely knock and wait for Remus to let him in. Perhaps it was Harry.</p><p>“Come in,” Remus called out, peering over the papers and heavy tomes on his desk.</p><p>It was not Harry. Rather, standing tall but with an uncertain smile pasted on his face, Dean Thomas waved at him from the threshold of his office before closing the door softly.</p><p>“Is this a bad time, Professor Lupin?” Dean asked, tentatively stepping forward.</p><p>“Dean,” Remus greeted him, smiling broadly at him and waving him over enthusiastically. “Not at all. It’s very nice to see you here. I don’t think I’ve seen you in my office all year.”</p><p>Dean grinned and made himself as comfortable as he could in one of the wooden chairs that sat on the other side of Remus’s desk. He was so gangly that he had to fold his legs in an awkward position as he lowered himself down. “I reckon fourth year’s a good deal more complicated than third year, for loads of reasons.”</p><p>“I hope that you haven’t been too stressed with school,” Remus said mildly. “Can I offer you a chocolate?”</p><p>Dean’s dark brown eyes lit up. “Oh yes, please, if you have any on hand.”</p><p>Remus smiled at him. “I always do. I’m afraid it’s a habit I haven’t been able to kick.”</p><p>He reached under his desk and offered Dean a woven basket of Honeydukes chocolate. Dean looked through it and picked a bar of milk chocolate, unwrapping it eagerly.</p><p>“Classes have been alright,” Dean said, devouring the chocolate immediately. He wiped at his face with the sleeve of his robes. “History of Magic is boring. Potions is…well…Potions. Care of Magical Creatures has been a bit of a mess, between you and me, but Hagrid’s trying his best. Those Blast-Ended Skrewts are wicked.”</p><p>Remus laughed. “I sometimes feel as though they should be on the Dark Creatures syllabus instead, honestly. They look terrifying.”</p><p>Dean helped himself to another chocolate.</p><p>“How’s West Ham doing this season?” Remus asked.</p><p>Dean frowned. “Middling to average, I reckon. We’re playing Coventry City tomorrow.”</p><p>“Dean,” Remus said politely. “I unfortunately have no idea who they are. I’m terribly bad at keeping up with sports on either the muggle or the wizard side.”</p><p>Dean launched into a spiel about why, if they weren’t able to forge some sort of victory, the so-called Hammers would be in a poor position when it came to playing Chelsea the following matchday. Remus listened attentively, though with some confusion.</p><p>“Anyways, so those are our odds this season,” Dean finished. “I’m sorry to have to miss the entire season here. Imagine my face when I realized there was no telly at Hogwarts! Absolute rubbish, Professor. I have to find out scores by letters from my brother.”</p><p>Remus grinned. “All of the muggle devices have terrible interference when they’re in the castle. In <em>Hogwarts, a History</em>–”</p><p>Dean groaned good-naturedly. “No offense, Professor Lupin, but you sound like Hermione. Anyways, how’d you get that player to work?” He looked keenly at the record player, which had fallen silent. Remus flicked his wand and the vinyl turned itself over to the B Side, playing <em>Dead on Time</em>.</p><p>“Honestly, I can’t for the life of me figure it out,” Remus admitted with a sheepish grin. “Sirius – um, Professor Black – did it many years ago, and the bewitchment stuck.”</p><p>“Congratulations again on your engagement,” Dean said excitedly. “We’re all really happy for you both.”</p><p>Remus looked affectionately at one of the framed pictures of Sirius that Sirius had put on his desk. One of the portraits blew him a lascivious kiss, and Remus bit back a laugh.</p><p>“Thank you very much, that means a lot,” Remus said. He realized that a good deal of the hour had slipped by. “Is there anything on your mind, Dean? Not that I don’t mind you just joining me for a chat, of course, but I want to make sure that you don’t have any questions about the class materials or that I was confusing in explaining anything.”</p><p>Dean shook his head. “No, nothing of the sort. Defense Against the Dark Arts is my best class of the week. Er, no offense to Professor Black. Charms is probably my second.”</p><p>Remus glowed with pleasure. “I’m glad to hear it.”</p><p>“We’re revising Boggarts again soon, right?” Dean asked. “I looked ahead to the schedule.”</p><p>“Yes,” Remus said, looking at the calendar that he had pinned up near his desk. He realized a moment too late that Sirius had Charmed various suggestions onto it, so that today’s date told Remus that they should plan to go to Hogsmeade for sweets. Seeing as the note written for tomorrow was decidedly not-safe-for-students, Remus quickly erased the notes and turned the page. “We’ll be, er, revising Boggarts in late February and early March. I’ll have to do some searching around the castle to find one, otherwise I’m afraid it’ll be all theory.”</p><p>“That’ll be good, too,” Dean said eagerly. “I remember our class last year. It was wicked.”</p><p>Remus remembered too, the nervous energy that had zapped through him as he had walked into his first class with the third-year Gryffindors – Harry’s class, as he had referred to it in his mind – and set to teaching them about how to deal with Boggarts. He recalled Neville’s Boggart Snape, Ron’s hideous spider, and the terror that had flooded him as he worried that Harry might produce the Boggart form of Voldemort.</p><p>“So then, there’s nothing about class?” Remus confirmed.</p><p>“Not quite,” Dean said, and he suddenly became rather tight-lipped. Remus pretended to organize the chocolates in his basket.</p><p>“Professor Lupin, how did you know?” Dean asked finally.</p><p>“How did I know what?” Remus asked kindly, not wanting to take the words out of Dean’s mouth, though he knew exactly what he meant.</p><p>Dean paused. He scratched at the back of his head and looked down and then back up at him. “How did you know you were interested…you know…in…other blokes?”</p><p>Remus’s face broke out in a gentle smile. “It was sort of a gut feeling I came to realize around the time that I was a fifth year and people started dating each other at Hogwarts. I realized that my friends were talking about young women and I didn’t quite have those feelings. Or maybe I had some of those feelings, but I had more feelings for people who weren’t young women. At first, it felt like there was a weight on my tongue when I wanted to talk about it. And then one day, it felt as though the weight had loosened. I felt free, at long last. Does that make sense?”</p><p>Dean nodded fervently. “It does. And it was okay when you…when you told people? Like, was it easy afterwards?”</p><p>Remus was thoughtful. He could not very well lie to Dean, but he also could not explain that he had had enough problems being a werewolf, and so the comparative problems that came with being queer were mixed up somewhere in that soupy mixture and impossible to strain out.</p><p>“It…was challenging but also wonderful. The Seventies were simultaneously a time of free expression and free love, with lots of progressive movements, and also strangely conservative with the backlash. I was lucky to have some incredibly supportive friends. I read a lot of books and got lost in a lot of music created by people who I could see myself in. And there was Sirius, of course. I mean, Professor Black.” Remus paused. “And it got easier. It gets easier.”</p><p>Dean still looked hesitant. “What about your parents?”</p><p>Remus tilted his head. “I never told them, exactly. My father died before I even came to Hogwarts. I’m sure my mother knew, but she lived in Wales until she died and so we weren’t close enough for me to really bring it up.”</p><p>“Oh,” Dean said, and he furrowed his thick eyebrows. “You know, if I were to tell my mum anything like that, I think she’d just about lose her mind.”</p><p>Remus’s heart lurched at the expression haunting Dean’s features.</p><p>“Perhaps she would, for a bit. Parents can be funny. But if she truly loves you – and I know you, and what an exceptional person you are, Dean, and I can’t imagine that she wouldn’t –  then she would support you no matter what.”</p><p>“D’you really think so?”</p><p>“I know so. And even in the very worst case, if she was upset, I know for a fact that you have many others who would be tripping over themselves to support you in whatever way possible,” Remus said fiercely. “And that includes me.”</p><p>“It’s okay if I like boys and girls too?” Dean asked promptly.</p><p>“Yes, and everyone and anyone else,” Remus replied.</p><p>“But what if I don’t know?”</p><p>“Then you don’t know. And that’s quite alright, too. More than that: it’s brave of you to have this openness. And I’m grateful that you feel comfortable enough to share this with me too.”</p><p>Dean looked away. “I don’t know if I’m feeling particularly brave these days, Professor Lupin.”</p><p> “You know, Dean, as one Gryffindor to another, I’ve got to say that you were put in this house for a reason. It’s because you have an extraordinary, courageous heart. Bravery can be hard to summon up sometimes – I’m afraid it doesn’t always come too naturally to me, to be frank – but trust me when I tell you that this is an act of courage, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. Just existing is an act of bravery sometimes.”</p><p>“I mean, you and Professor Black…you’re both incredibly brave. I heard all those Howlers, you know, and I can’t imagine being on the receiving end of them.” Dean shuddered.</p><p>“It’s easy to be brave when Sirius Black is your best friend,” Remus said with a half-smile. “I got lucky. We’re both very lucky.”</p><p>“Harry’s lucky too,” Dean added.</p><p>Remus was surprised. Dean continued.</p><p>“When I found out Professor Black was Harry’s godfather, I thought it must be really grand having both of you as godfathers.”</p><p>“Well, it is rather lovely,” Remus smiled. “Though I suppose I was sort of adopted as a godfather. Or an uncle. Sirius is Harry’s actual godfather.”</p><p>Dean looked at him shyly. “D’you think…maybe…if you wanted…and Professor Black said yes…you might adopt any more into the fold?”</p><p>“Any more what?” Remus asked.</p><p>“Er, godkids. Not officially. If you wanted to, and just...er…theoretically.”</p><p>Remus wanted to tell Dean that he would adopt every single last one of them if they wanted him or needed him, and he’d personally tell Dumbledore and the Ministry to fuck off if they had anything to say about it. Remus had never had a version of himself – Professor Lupin, a title that still felt funny in his mouth – when he was fifteen and sixteen and lost beyond belief, searching for answers, crying himself to sleep one day, feeling blissfully free the next, falling in love with his best friend, lying through his teeth to his friends when they separately questioned him on what was wrong, racking up the points that the wizarding world would hold against him in his mind in the same instinctual way that he would count down to each full moon. He had had exceptional friends, the cosmic brilliance of Freddie Mercury, the celestial delights of David Bowie, and Sirius Black, his most extraordinary star, to guide him home. Perhaps Remus could never replicate that luminosity. But if Dean needed him, he could, at the very least, attempt to harness the guiding light of the moon that at once had brought him some of his cruelest memories and yet, every once in a while, some of the most memorable with the Marauders.</p><p>He did not say all of this to Dean. Instead, he smiled. “I imagine so. Sirius owns a big, drafty old house in London. Plenty of space. Close to the museums. We have a swimming pool, now – shame you couldn’t come to Harry’s birthday last year to see it, I remember you were ill. We even have a telly, in case anyone is interested in watching football.”</p><p>Dean looked as though he had much on his mind. But he grinned. “Football isn’t played in the summer, Professor Lupin.”</p><p>At that moment, Sirius burst through the door and practically threw his textbooks over his shoulder.</p><p>“Darling, I’m back, and – oh, hello, Dean,” Sirius said, looking only slightly tempered by his student’s presence. “What brings you here?”</p><p>“We were talking about football,” Remus said quickly.</p><p>“Yeah,” Dean said with an easygoing smile. “I’m trying to convince Professor Lupin to support West Ham.”</p><p>Sirius looked thoughtful as he shed his robes. “Muggle football is a bit beyond me. But I’m willing to learn.”</p><p>“That’s all that really matters,” Dean replied, as he stood up. “Thanks again, Professor.”</p><p>“Any time, Dean,” Remus smiled. Dean closed the door on the way out.</p><p>After a meaningful look, Sirius gave Remus a kiss that nearly toppled him off his desk chair.</p><p>“What were you really talking about?” Sirius asked curiously, summoning one of the chairs so that he could sit next to Remus. “You hate sports.”</p><p>“That’s between the two of us,” Remus said easily. He put his head on Sirius’s shoulder and nestled his face in the white silk of his shirt. Sirius stroked his hand with his left, the gold band glinting under the candlelight.</p><p>“Oh fine. I like Dean,” Sirius said after a while, wrapping his arm around Remus’s shoulders. “Good kid. Great art skills. And very talented in Charms. Honestly, I couldn’t have picked a better successor to the presidency of the Hogwarts branch of the Remus Lupin Fan Club.”</p><p>“Does that make me the president emeritus of the Sirius Black Fan Club?” Remus smirked.</p><p>“Certainly not. Look at all these pictures on your desk of me – a bit over the top, but I appreciate the gesture, Moony. I believe you were the one who told me to be grateful to my fans.”</p><p>Remus opened his mouth to object that it had been Sirius who had put those photographs there in the first place, but Sirius gave him a truly irresistible smile that could have thawed even the most stubborn snow on the grounds, and Remus's complaints melted away.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>every chapter is very special to me for lots of reasons, but this one has a lot of feelings behind it!! hope everyone stays safe &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My friends, this chapter is the definition of the tags: "ok maybe more than slight angst at times; but with the promises of a happy ending."  Please proceed with caution!</p><p>Thanks, as always, for all the comments and kudos and bookmarks, etc. Very grateful for every single one of them!</p><p>Stay safe &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As he had promised Dean, Remus scheduled his third-year and fourth-year Boggart lessons for the waning days of February and waxing days of March. Though he kept his eye and ear to the ground in case he found a Boggart roaming about the castle, Remus had embarrassingly little success. The closest he had gotten was Peeves – who had had an agenda against him since Remus had shot gum up his nose for the first time as a third year, and whose patent dislike of Remus had only increased since he had pulled the same stunt last year as a professor – jumping out from behind a thousand-year-old tapestry and attempting to frighten him. Remus had been unimpressed by Peeves and annoyed that he had been unable to locate a singular Boggart in the drafty, shadowy castle.</p><p>Remus had just been getting used to the idea of simply teaching theory rather than practical magic this time ago when he made the perhaps fatal, perhaps brilliant, mistake of mentioning his failed quest to Sirius. Delighted by the prospect of searching Hogwarts for a mysterious-looking non-being, Sirius had immediately offered his assistance in the matter. Sirius had urged him to <em>think of your students, Moony, you can’t just leave them hanging like that</em>, and reminded him that <em>I helped create that Map too, I know the nooks and crannies of Hogwarts just as well as you do</em>, and Remus had relented. The two of them had added Boggart-hunting as a capstone to their Saturday evening at The Three Broomsticks. Remus hoped against hope that they’d manage to find one before Monday, when he was due to teach the third years.</p><p>Hogwarts was oddly peaceful on this last Saturday of February, though Remus had a sneaking suspicion that the Weasley twins were likely cooking up a storm in their dormitory. The castle was dark and nearly still, not to mention absurdly cold. For several hours, he and Sirius traipsed around the castle without any avail. Remus yawned into his fist. The most dramatic parts of their time spent exploring the niches that they had once labeled painstakingly on a piece of parchment had been breaking up students involved in what Remus swore were scintillating conversations and which Sirius called out as snogging. Sirius’s unremitting gossip about their students kept Remus entertained during what was otherwise a fruitless search. </p><p>“It sort of feels like we’re up to something illicit,” Sirius said slyly, as they turned the corner into yet another deserted corridor and checked the suits of armor. The faintest hints of light from the crescent moon streamed into the castle from the window at the opposite end of the corridor. “I feel like some swotty prefect is about to catch us at any moment and send us back to Gryffindor Tower for being out of bed past curfew.”</p><p>Remus grinned. “Newsflash, you arse.<em> I’m </em>the swotty prefect.”</p><p>“Delightful, now you’re a swotty professor,” Sirius said jovially, bumping against Remus’s leg with his own. He took on an airy tone that was not unlike the higher-pitched accent of his adolescence. “Are you going to get me in trouble? Detention in the dungeons? Oh please, <em>Professor Lupin</em>, I didn’t mean to break the rules.”</p><p>Remus threw his head back and laughed at Sirius’s expression. “I think you’ll escape the worst if you play your cards right. Though you’re right, it does feel like we’re doing something we shouldn’t be when we’re patrolling the corridors after dark.”</p><p>“Want to make out?” Sirius asked casually, tossing his hair over his shoulders.</p><p>“<em>Now</em>?” Remus snickered. “We’re on a mission.”</p><p>“Never stopped us before,” Sirius said wickedly. “Remember all those times we spent <em>finishing the Map</em> somewhere between the seventh floor corridor and–?”</p><p>“Yes,” Remus said, smirking at the dreamy look on Sirius’s face. “Poor Prongs. He never knew. We sullied the good name of the Map in the name of teenaged hormones.”</p><p>“He absolutely would’ve done the same, had Evans given him a single shot before seventh year,” Sirius said breezily.</p><p>“Perhaps,” Remus said, before pushing Sirius against one of the cobblestoned walls and holding his face in his hands so that he could look straight into Sirius’s moonlit grey eyes. “Yes, this <em>is</em> bringing up some memories, come to think of it.”</p><p>“Maybe you can enlighten me with some of those thoughts…<em>Professor</em>,” Sirius grinned, tilting his head up to kiss him.</p><p>The two of them snogged for what felt like hours, languidly and without any real desire to keep going with their purported goal of finding a blasted Boggart somewhere in this mysterious castle that both of them called home. Sirius’s mouth felt like a breath of sunny June in the midst of stone-cold February, and his skin underneath Remus’s teeth felt like sunlight itself even as the moon looked in on them. Remus would be mortified beyond belief if any of his students appeared. Yet even with that thought lingering over his head, heat bloomed inside of him as their mouths met and their hands wrapped around each other’s bodies. He skirted around the moon phases that he knew so well on Sirius’s chest.</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus whispered furiously, as Sirius attempted to tug his shirt off. “We can’t do this in public.”</p><p>“This isn’t public,” Sirius said primly. He had a bruise blossoming on his neck that made Remus strangely proud and very embarrassed. “This is a private educational facility, Moony.”</p><p>“But we’re–”</p><p>“<em>Professors</em>, yes,” Sirius finished, kissing him again before rolling his eyes. “What are you going to do when that’s not an excuse anymore and only you’re the professor?”</p><p>Remus frowned as they continued walking down the long, empty corridor. Though he knew that Sirius only had a one-year appointment to teach Charms, with Flitwick scheduled to return from his sabbatical in the fall (he had sent every staff member a grinning postcard from the Alps for the New Year), he did not care for the thought of being at Hogwarts without Sirius. His love of his students would not permit him to leave, of course, but the idea of Sirius being far away in London without him was rather unpleasant. And that, he realized with a sinking feeling, was an understatement.</p><p>“Hey,” Sirius said gently, tilting Remus’s chin up with his elegant, though calloused, fingers and bringing their walk to a halt. “Don’t be upset, alright? I was just making a little joke. It’ll be wonderful next year.”</p><p>“Right,” Remus said uncertainly, and he resisted the urge to avoid Sirius’s soft grey gaze. “I mean, it’s just been…an incredible year so far. It’s hard to imagine walking these halls without you.”</p><p>“Well, Hogsmeade is right there, right?” Sirius said encouragingly.</p><p>“Yeah, I guess you can apparate in,” Remus mused. “I wonder if there are any rules that say that you can’t come stay with me.”</p><p>“Or you can come stay with me,” Sirius beamed.</p><p>Remus blinked. “You know I can’t leave the grounds, though.”</p><p>For some reason, Sirius looked thrilled. “Well, I was going to save this for later, but since it came up, I’m telling you now. I’m going to buy a place in Hogsmeade once my stint here is done. A little chateau, if you will.”</p><p>Remus smiled toothily. He knew that his smile was stretching his cheeks in an uncomfortable and probably unflattering way, but he could not resist it. He threw his arms around Sirius’s neck. “Actually? Are you having a laugh at me?”</p><p>“Absolutely not. Did you think I was just going to let you run around here and have all the fun without me? Plus, you never know. Flitwick’s quite the charmer – what if you decide you’re madly in love with him when he returns?” Sirius laughed.</p><p>“Yeah, there’s just something about his Cheering Charm that gets me hot and bothered every time,” Remus deadpanned. “It’s like the Gilderoy Lockhart effect, but for Charms.”</p><p>Sirius groaned. “Not again with this Lockhart bloke. You know what, I’m starting to think I should be worried.”</p><p>Remus smiled. “I don’t like blondes.”</p><p>Sirius raised his eyebrows, the flicker of mischief running across his face. “Is that all?”</p><p>“And I’m madly in love with you,” Remus added, as though it were a sudden revelation to him.</p><p>“Better,” Sirius grinned. “Anyways, while you were being a bastard about the whole thing, I came up with a solution to your problems.”</p><p>Remus sighed as they walked up the stairs once more. “Teach them from the textbook and hope for the best?”</p><p>Sirius looked scandalized. “Absolutely not. We exploit a loophole and find one in the room on the seventh floor. The Room of Requirement.”</p><p>Remus thought for a moment. He had not been in this room since he had been a student himself. On the run from Filch after trying to charm all of the glass off every single window at Hogwarts during the peak of the snowiest winter on record, the four Marauders had dashed into what they thought was a closet and had ended up in a cozy, warm, and Filch-less place to spend the better deal of an hour. After that, the four of them, usually encouraged by James, had ventured to the room every so often for important conversations and to occasionally find tools to assist them in their practical jokes and plots. He and Sirius had spent several long afternoons during sixth and seventh years in the Room. This had been their hidden secret, concealed even from the Marauder’s Map that otherwise traced every niche at Hogwarts.</p><p>“It’s not a bad idea,” Remus said thoughtfully. “Even if it does feel like we’re cheating a bit.”</p><p>“Don’t be a goody-goody, Moony,” Sirius said eagerly, as he raced towards the seventh floor. Remus climbed the stairs after him. Soon, they were leaning against the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy, eyeing the stone wall opposite them.</p><p>“Three times, remember,” Remus said, walking past it, back and forth.</p><p>“What are we asking for, again? A place to have some privacy without Prongs butting his big head into our business?” Sirius asked innocently.</p><p>Remus shot him a dirty look. He and Sirius kept bumping into each other – mostly intentionally – as they crisscrossed the floor in front of the room three times. For a moment, Remus wondered whether the room may have changed, or whether it was only for students, but his thoughts were answered a moment later, as the door carved itself out of the stone and swung open on its brass hinges to welcome them back home.</p><p>“Told you this was a brilliant idea,” Sirius said with a smug smile. “How are you planning on taking the Boggart back to your classroom? Should I Accio a trunk or something?”</p><p>Remus stepped into the threshold of the Room of Requirement. It was pleasantly chaotic, cluttered with objects, and stuffed full of furniture. Any one of them contain have a Boggart, he thought as he opened one armoire door, then another.</p><p>“Look, there’s one right there,” Remus said. He pointed towards a metallic grey suitcase strewn haphazardly on the floor. “We can use that one.”</p><p>Sirius unzipped it, and cast an Extension Charm on it. “Brilliant. Now, let’s find ourselves a Boggart.”</p><p>“You look so excited to see this Boggart, Sirius,” Remus snorted. “I don’t think anyone’s ever been as thrilled to find one before.”</p><p>“Well,” Sirius said with cheerful determination, “I’m looking forward to seeing my mother again and Riddikulus-ing her arse. Consider it long overdue.”</p><p>Remus took his hand and squeezed it. While their classmates had all had commonplace Boggarts – snakes, spiders, even a werewolf that Remus had defiantly ignored with red cheeks – Sirius’s Boggart back in third year had been his mother, screaming louder than a Banshee ever could about how he was a disgrace and an embarrassment to the family name and swearing up and down that he would never get to see Regulus again if she had anything to say about it. Remus could not forget Sirius’s white, grim face, the anguish that had followed them all the way back to their room, and the shame that had trailed him around for several days as the news swept Slytherin House. James (whose Boggart had been Professor McGonagall, telling him he was being kicked out of Gryffindor) and Remus (who had gone right after Sirius, and whose moon Boggart had been ignored in the aftermath of Walburga’s meltdown) had hexed half of Slytherin for teasing Sirius about it. Remus realized with a flicker of surprise that Peter had never gone during that class. Professor Slinkhard had stopped them right after Remus. Clearly, he had noticed that the mood in the room had soured considerably after Sirius’s mother had appeared. To date, Remus had no idea what Peter’s Boggart was. Remus wondered whether he was still able to have any fears at all, now that he had been kissed by a Dementor. The thought terrified him.</p><p>“Well, don’t get too enthusiastic in cursing her,” Remus said mildly. He turned around and opened a shoebox. “We need to urge it back into the suitcase in one piece. Er. Shape.”</p><p>“Yes, Professor Moony,” Sirius teased. He opened a heavy, mahogany armoire door. The inside smelled like mothballs. “Even though my mother deserves it.”</p><p>With a sudden, penetrating gust of wind, Remus felt the laugh being torn immediately out of him. Remus whipped his head around and saw thick tendrils of fog emerging from the inside of the armoire that Sirius had just opened, and then – without warning – a scaly, skeletal hand pop out from beneath a dark cloak. Sirius leapt backwards in unadulterated horror as the horrible, faceless creature emerged. Then, another slid out after it.</p><p>
  <em>Dementors. </em>
</p><p>It was not wholly uncommon for Dementors to be a Boggart. Hadn’t Remus helped Harry wrestle with them just last year? But the shock of seeing them slipping towards them when he had been expecting to see Walburga’s small yet terrifying figure had stupefied Remus. It was like finding out that Sirius’s Patronus had transformed, but on a much darker scale. Sirius was stunned. The wand in his hand was all but forgotten. Pouncing on the apparent advantage of surprise, the Dementors began gliding toward them. Sirius seemed to remember himself and opened his mouth to cast a Riddikulus spell, but then the Dementor opened its mouth, and the world faded into blackness.</p><p>“<em>Sirius Orion Black</em>,” one Dementor croaked in a grating, skin-crawling voice, and the fog swirling around their legs melted into the sparse horrors of a bar-lined cell in Azkaban. Remus could hear the screams of what must have been other prisoners around them and could feel Sirius pressed at his side.</p><p>“<em>We have been waiting for you. You thought you were free, but your soul belongs to us, and you have known it all along. You knew this was too good to be true. You have had one year of freedom. And that is more than what you deserve. You will leave and join us once more…where you belong.</em>”</p><p>“Dementors can’t talk,” Remus said shakily, but his voice felt detached from his body.</p><p>While Remus had faced the Dementors before, both in real life and in Defense Against the Dark Arts, and he knew logically that Dementors did not speak and that there was no human voice attached to them, there was something about the two hooded figures and their horrible voices that left Remus feeling as though he were a broken wick on a candle that had been blown out without warning. Remus’s thoughts swam. In the frigid chill of the Boggart-Dementors’ presence, he was drowning in the aftermath of Halloween 1981, he was being bitten as a child by Greyback Fenrir, he was losing Sirius over and over again to the clutches of Azkaban. He could not do anything. His wand, trapped in his back pocket, was impossible to grab while Sirius was clinging to his arm heavily in abject terror.</p><p>“No, no, no, you’re not real,” Sirius said wildly, his eyes darting from place to place, his voice shaking horribly. “Riddi…Riddi…kulus.”</p><p>His wand clattered to the floor.</p><p>“<em>You know what will happen</em>,” the second Dementor cooed. “<em>Harry will return with the muggles, and he will grow up miserable. There will be another war, and he will be forced to fight. He will die. Remus will be dead. And you will be in another world altogether, dead to both of them. It will all be your fault.</em>”</p><p>Having seen enough, Sirius turned and buried his face in Remus’s chest. Remus stumbled and felt the wand slip out of his pocket as the Dementors approached.</p><p><em>Werewolf</em>, Remus thought with a throbbing head. <em>You’re a werewolf, which means wandless magic</em>. <em>Think</em>. <em>Do something.</em></p><p>“Riddikulus,” Remus shouted, as the Dementors leaned in towards them. They did not seem perturbed in the slightest. Remus, panicked, wondered why at least one of them had not shifted into the moon yet, they were two of them after all, the Dementors should have been confused, he could handle the moon, he could cast Riddikulus easily and stop this, before he realized with a ravishing burst of pain that the reason that the Dementors had been able to obtain such full power was simple: in the same way that the two of them had matching Patronuses, he and Sirius now had the exact same worst fear.</p><p>
  <em>Patronuses. Yes. Happy. Think happy. Harry and Sirius and the swimming pool at Grimmauld Place on Harry’s birthday. Prongs and Padfoot running around the full moon. Lily and James getting married. Sirius’s face on his eighteenth birthday. Mum reading Anne of Green Gables. Dean and Luna and Hermione and Ron and Harry, our Harry. The engagement. Yes, the engagement. Sirius Orion Black. I’m going to marry the love of my fucking life. And he needs me.</em>
</p><p>“Expecto Patronum,” Remus screamed, and at long last, the Dementors vanished as the phantom Padfoot raced through the room and chased them away. The air cleared, Azkaban disappeared, and suddenly they were back in the quiet of the Room of Requirement. With an alarming thud, Sirius dropped to the floor and retched with abandon. Remus grabbed a chamber pot that had been conveniently nearby and held his hair back, stroking the space between his shoulder blades.</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus pleaded, as Sirius threw up again and again until Remus was certain that he was as hollow as Remus felt. “Oh, fuck, <em>Sirius</em>. I’m here, baby. It wasn’t real.”</p><p>Remus threw himself into a vicious tailspin. He thought about sending a Patronus to reach Madam Pomfrey, then wondered how he would explain this. He thought absurdly about trying to reach out to Andromeda, before once again realizing that she could not save her younger cousin. Professor McGonagall seemed like the best option, as long as Sirius agreed. She would know what to do.</p><p>“Should I get Professor McGonagall?” Remus begged.</p><p>“No,” Sirius croaked at long last, shakily wiping at his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt. “Don’t. Please, Moony. I can’t have her thinking I’m…I can’t.”</p><p>Remus helped Sirius stand up on trembling legs. Sirius clutched at his arms. Remus tenderly pushed his hair back from his face. He had never seen Sirius look so colorless and so depleted. He looked less like the talented, brilliant smart-aleck that he had been just a few minutes ago and more like the haggard man that had appeared at the Shrieking Shack last June. Remus poured him a glass of water with shaking hands. He knelt down and handed Sirius his wand, taking his own as well.</p><p>“What just happened?” Sirius asked, dazed, sticking his wand back in his pocket. “I’m…so sorry, Moony. They came at us and I lost my fucking head. I knew they weren’t actual Dementors, it just felt…it all felt so real. They felt worse than they did when we were in school.”</p><p>“We weren’t expecting it,” Remus reasoned. “And…” he said, drifting off.</p><p>“And?” Sirius prompted, finishing off the entire glass of water. Thick droplets ran down his neck and soaked the collar of his shirt.</p><p>“We have been through a lot more since the last time you faced a Boggart,” Remus said softly. He thought of Harry and how the Dementors had sent him flying into some of the worst memories buried in his sub-conscious, the deaths of his parents, the night that he had lost everything. Sirius, too, had been overwhelmed with enough personal tragedies to last him a lifetime. He supposed he had too, but he could tuck that away for later.</p><p>“What about your moon?” Sirius asked after a moment, grimacing as he sat down cross-legged on the cold stone floor. “Your Boggart.”</p><p>Remus hesitated. “I think my Boggart has…er…shapeshifted.”</p><p>“Into what?”</p><p>“Into the same one you have,” Remus said delicately. He reached over and pulled Sirius’s head into his lap, so that he could stroke his hair and face. “I think that’s why they were so powerful. Normally, Boggarts get incredibly confused when there’s more than one person. But here? Well, if it was the same…terror…then, it’s sort of a field day for them.”</p><p>“They looked so real,” Sirius repeated incredulously, and his eyes shot open so that they were fixed on Remus. “How could I expect to see them here? At Hogwarts?”</p><p>“I know they looked it,” Remus said soothingly. “But they weren’t. They were Boggarts.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Sirius said, and he put his hands up to cover his face. Remus strongly suspected he was fighting back tears, based on the way that his shoulders hunched up. “I went mad just there. No real help to you. Imagine they had been actual Dementors? We would’ve been dead…or…worse. I’m mortified. More than that. Bloody <em>useless</em> of me, honestly. Sorry I can’t even help you find a bloody Boggart without losing my mind.”</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus said firmly, “I’ll have none of that.”</p><p>Sirius let one of his hands drift to his side and managed a thin, watery smile at him. “You sound like you’re scolding the Weasley twins.”</p><p>Remus sighed. He spoke with tenderness and yet with unmistakable, palpable melancholy. “You never talk about Azkaban, Sirius. I know you don’t want to, and we don’t have to at this very moment, but it happened. And it never should have happened. You deserved,” here, Remus choked up, but forced himself to keep going, “everything good, Sirius. You deserved so much better than what you were dealt. You didn’t deserve to be stuck there for all those years. But it happened. So we’re going to deal with it one way or another, and we’re going to handle it together in the same way that you took on the burden of dealing with me and the full moon.”</p><p>“It’s not a burden,” Sirius objected fiercely, taking Remus’s hand and kissing it ferociously.</p><p>“And neither is this,” Remus reminded him. “Neither are you. Bad things have happened, yes. The Boggarts affect you more seriously than they might have when we were sixteen and you were on top of the world, yes. Honestly, I’m upset at myself for not realizing that they would. But I love you. And you weren’t useless. Never say that again.”</p><p>“You shouldn’t feel bad about it,” Sirius said quickly.</p><p>“This isn’t about me feeling bad,” Remus said gently. “This is about you.”</p><p>“I’m fine, Moony, I’m really fine, I promise,” Sirius said. He sat up and wiped at his eyes, settled his face back into an approximation of relaxation, and offered him a smile. “I just had a moment of…” He scrambled for the words.</p><p>“Fright,” Remus said.</p><p>“Yes, exactly,” Sirius said, tripping over himself with gratitude that Remus did not seem intent on pressing him. “We don’t need to talk about any of this. I don’t really want to think about this again, to be honest, Moony.”</p><p>Remus was tempted to open Pandora’s box and let what may fly, but he took one look at Sirius’s plainly beseeching face and decided to let it drop. All the way back to Remus’s living quarters, through the winding corridors and staircases of Hogwarts, the two of them attempted to laugh and jostle one another as they had on the way to the Room of Requirement. Remus’s mind was a million different places at once, and yet he reasoned that this too would fade into the background, until one day it might reappear with frightening clarity. They got ready for bed and climbed in next to each other with peaceful domesticity abounding. Remus could almost pretend that the moment in the Room of Requirement had never happened, if that was what Sirius needed.</p><p>They might have moved past it, at least for a while, had Sirius not woken up with a strangled scream in the back of his throat.</p><p>“What happened? Are you, are you, okay?” Remus asked frantically. He turned on the lights. “What do you need? Padfoot? Sirius?”</p><p>Sirius’s eyes were despairing, jumping from one spot on the wall to another, and then turning towards Remus as though he did not truly believe he was there. He grabbed Remus’s forearm so hard, Remus thought he might pass out from the lack of circulation. Remus gently pried his fingers off his arm, ignoring the nail marks that Sirius had left behind, and interlaced their fingers, pressing their palms together.</p><p>“I…I dreamt I was back there,” Sirius said breathlessly, his chest rising and falling rapidly. "In the worst place I've ever known, as the worst version of myself."</p><p>“It was just a dream,” Remus said softly.</p><p>Sirius let go of Remus’s hand and ran his fingers down his cheekbones. He looked like the Munch painting, <em>The Scream</em>. “It felt like everything was collapsing in and the Dementors were there, and I knew you were gone but I couldn’t see you. Oh Godric, Moony, don’t make me go back there. I can’t go back there.”</p><p>He contorted himself and threw himself into Remus’s arms, dry-heaving. He trembled all over. Remus held him tightly and kissed him on the top of the head, offering him every gentle sweet nothing that he could muster up. At some point, Remus was almost certain he had started speaking in Welsh, a language that he had not spoken at length since Hope had died.</p><p>Remus rubbed careful concentric circles into Sirius’s back. He spoke absentmindedly, focusing instead on the muscles and the skin underneath his hands. “You’re not going back there.”</p><p>“We <em>have</em> to go back there,” Sirius whispered miserably, and Remus’s half-closed eyes widened as he remembered the fact that Sirius was right. Dumbledore had not yet approached them about visiting Peter again, but Remus had no doubt that he not forgotten. Spring was approaching rapidly. They had not yet come up with a plan.</p><p>“You don’t have to go,” Remus said. He rubbed at his eyes with one hand. He realized that the words sounded lackluster coming out of his mouth.</p><p>“How?” Sirius demanded. “I don’t want him to call us to his office to tell us to do this again.”</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus said. “I’m going to fix this, somehow, okay? Did I question you and James when you said you were going to figure out how to make the moons better?”</p><p>Remus heard Sirius exhale sharply. “Yes. At great length.”</p><p>“Well, then, maybe that’s not the best example. Because you’re right, I had questions. But you aren’t going, okay? Neither of us is going to…going there,” Remus finished.</p><p>Sirius looked up at him pitifully. “I told you I was all messed up in the head, Moony. It’s a shame, really. I told you that you didn’t need this, all the way back in October. It’s not too late, you know. You can back out.” His breath hitched.</p><p>“Don’t you dare,” Remus said steadfastly. “We’ve had a rough night, okay? But we’ve been through worse. And I’m not interested in backing out.”</p><p>Sirius settled against Remus’s chest. Remus carefully leaned over to turn off the light, sending them into a landscape of darkness once more.</p><p>“You won’t tell Harry about all this, will you?” Sirius asked.</p><p>“Absolutely not. This stays between you and me,” Remus promised. “Our little secret.”</p><p>Remus could feel Sirius’s drowsy smile against him, even in the darkness of the room. “Remus Lupin. The master of secrets.”</p><p>“And Sirius Black,” Remus added. “The beloved keeper of all of mine. Go to sleep. There’s no danger. I’m right here.”</p><p>***</p><p>That week, Remus felt as though he were sleepwalking through his lessons. He taught the third and fourth years about Boggarts from the safety of textbooks, all the while wondering what to do about the real-life Boggart that had burst into their lives. He got used to teaching on a few hours of sleep a night. While the night terrors did not return, Sirius had trouble sleeping almost every day that week, and Remus insisted on staying up with him until his own body gave out. Sirius grew pallid, with violet rings of exhaustion pooling around his eyes. He kept up his brash cheerfulness in classes, but it was clear to Remus during their off hours that Sirius was not quite feeling like himself. Remus’s own eyebags seemed to have multiplied over the course of several days, though he always had a bit of an exhausted look about him, and no one seemed to have any real concerns. But Harry noticed the sudden changes. He asked Remus whether he and Sirius might benefit from the same Pepper-Up Potion that they had tipped down his throat just a few weeks ago. Remus had promised Harry that Sirius had been dealing with a bit of insomnia – something about the impending spring and the nice weather made him too restless – and he was also feeling rather sleepless in advance of the full moon. Harry left Remus’s office looking suspicious and uncertain. Remus could not blame him.</p><p>Searching for answers and finding none, Remus decided to seek out someone who had always given him firm, solid answers on Friday afternoon.</p><p>“Lupin?” Professor McGonagall asked, peering at him over the top of her eyeglasses. “Is everything alright?”</p><p>“Yes,” Remus said from the threshold. He paused, and his shoulders slumped. “No, actually.”</p><p>“Come in,” Professor McGonagall said, waving him in. “You look like you’ve seen better days. But it’s not the moon, is it?”</p><p>“No,” Remus admitted. “Thanks to the Wolfsbane, the moon hasn’t really been so terrible recently. Also, it’s not for another two weeks or so.”</p><p>“Then what is it?” Professor McGonagall asked, pouring him a cup of strong green tea. “Does it have anything to do with the way that Black looks as though he’s seen a phantom recently?”</p><p>“Yes,” Remus said after some hesitation.</p><p>She frowned, and her face was evidently upset. “You haven’t…broken up, have you?”</p><p>Remus smiled at her. “No, no, we’re very much together.”</p><p>Professor McGonagall looked satisfied. “Glad to hear it. Then what’s the problem?”</p><p>“It’s just…” Remus’s eyes darted downwards.</p><p>Professor McGonagall waited for him to speak, carefully pushing a tin of biscuits over towards him. Remus took one. It tasted buttery and warm, and reminded him somewhat of the ones that Euphemia Potter had often made for the Marauders. The taste of memory was enough to jostle Remus back into real life. With a sudden rush, Remus burst forth with Sirius’s nightmares, and the Boggart, and worked his way all the way backwards to Dumbledore’s resolute insistence that they visit Azkaban and obtain the memories of Peter Pettigrew. By the time that Remus finished telling the tale, McGonagall looked very pale indeed.</p><p>“I see,” she said tersely. “Well, there’s no way that he can go. Neither of you should go, to be frank, Lupin.”</p><p>Remus wrung his fingers together. “But if not, then the Headmaster…”</p><p>Professor McGonagall was crisp when she spoke. “The Headmaster is a very talented wizard, most of the time, but he cannot force your hand here. You are grown wizards, and even Albus Dumbledore cannot interfere with that.”</p><p>Remus squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. “But what about Harry?”</p><p>“Potter?” Professor McGonagall squinted. “What about the boy?”</p><p>“Dumbledore seems to have suggested that if we…if Sirius and I were no longer interested in being part of the Order, he would have to recruit students.”</p><p>Professor McGonagall looked outraged. “That’s preposterous. He couldn’t do that. He did that once, and well…”</p><p>She trailed off regretfully. If Remus had to bet galleons on it, he would have guessed that she was thinking of Marlene, Dorcas, James, Lily, Mary, Alice, and Frank, the students that she had witnessed marching off to war as teenagers. She might have been thinking of him and Sirius too, the lone survivors.</p><p>“Remus,” Professor McGonagall said slowly, and a chill ran up his spine at her serious usage of his first name. “I think you should talk to the Headmaster about this immediately. If what you say is true, and he wants you to visit Pettigrew in the spring, then your time seems to be running out.”</p><p>“I’m not going to let Harry, or any other student in this castle fight because I wasn’t able or willing to do so, though. He can punish me, but not them,” Remus said stubbornly.</p><p>She eyed him with hawklike precision. “Mr. Lupin, I am afraid that you are jumping to conclusions and missing the mark quite a bit. Tell me why.”</p><p>“Why what?” Remus asked, startled.</p><p>“Tell me exactly how you’ve jumped to conclusions with your statement.”</p><p>Remus thought. He felt as though they were back in Transfiguration, and he was avoiding James and Sirius giving him funny looks to distract him from one of her questions. He felt like he was sixteen years old again. “Let’s see. Um. I’m assuming that there’s a fight in the first place?”</p><p>“Correct,” Professor McGonagall prompted. “And you think that there’s a fight because…”</p><p>“Dumbledore insinuated as much,” Remus said sheepishly.</p><p>“Have your own senses and faculties implied that there is some sort of fight happening?” Professor McGonagall asked.</p><p>Remus thought about it again. “No.”</p><p>“Good,” she said. “What’s the other reason that you jumped to conclusions?”</p><p>“I’m assuming that he can punish me?”</p><p>“Yes,” Professor McGonagall said. “When there isn’t a single reason to assume that. Again, as I said, you are grown wizards. He is your Headmaster, not your parent or guardian, and certainly not the one to bring judgment upon you. What other conclusions did you make just now?”</p><p>Remus racked his brain and emerged with nothing. “I’m not sure, actually.”</p><p>She offered him a rare smile. It was tinged with melancholy. “You’re assuming that I would permit any of these students to take up this fight without my ardent objections. The password for Dumbledore’s office is Lemon Drops. Good luck, Lupin.”</p><p>*</p><p>Remus’s heart pounded agonizingly all the way out of Professor McGonagall’s office, down the corridor (he grinned at the two second-year Slytherins who greeted him enthusiastically, then continued marching), and up the stairs to Dumbledore’s office. He had thought about waiting for Sirius to get out of class, and then had thought twice of it. Dumbledore had asked him about Azkaban, after all, without Sirius being there. Remus also knew Sirius remarkably well – Sirius would want to fight the battle himself, and Remus wanted, no, <em>needed</em>, to argue this one on Sirius’s behalf. Sirius had fought enough of his own battles and more than a few of Remus’s. It was time for Remus to stand up and summon some of the courage that he had told Dean just last week made them both Gryffindors.</p><p>Once again, Remus faced off against Albus Dumbledore, who looked not at all surprised to see his Defense Against the Dark Arts professor in his office.</p><p>“Remus,” Dumbledore greeted him, stepping away from his Pensieve and towards his desk. “Happy Friday.”</p><p>“Yes,” Remus said coldly. “Thanks.”</p><p>Dumbledore smiled at him and sank into his chair. “I can see you’re not quite in the mood for pleasantries, so let’s get to it, I suppose. What brings you here?”</p><p>“We’re not going,” Remus said, with tense, gritted teeth. He put his hands on the wooden chair opposite Dumbledore’s and leaned on it.</p><p>“Where aren’t you going?” Dumbledore asked patiently. Remus had the sudden thought that Dumbledore would begin probing his mind with Legilimency, and shouted <em>fuck you</em> in his brain as loudly as he could.</p><p>“Sirius and I won’t be going to Azkaban,” Remus said simply. “To visit Pettigrew, or otherwise.”</p><p>“I see.” Dumbledore said. His face remained placid, but a ripple of frustration passed across it. “You and Sirius discussed this?”</p><p>“At length,” Remus said.</p><p>“And you have decided that you will not be doing this?”</p><p>“That’s correct.”</p><p>“Despite the fact that it may shed more light into how Lord Voldemort was able to kill Lily and James Potter,” Dumbledore pressed. “You’re in agreement with that?”</p><p>Remus swallowed painfully. “That’s right.”</p><p>Dumbledore stared at Remus, his penetrating blue eyes seeming to sink right into his skin.</p><p>“And the…and the children won’t be getting involved in this either,” Remus added quickly, feeling his legs shake and regretting not having sat down for this. “There’s no need for the younger generation to get swept up in this when there’s no battle to be fought.”</p><p>Dumbledore frowned. “I hardly think…”</p><p>“You’re the greatest wizard of all time, are you not? Fight, then, if the time comes, instead of making teenagers do it for you.”</p><p>Remus was not sure what had compelled him to blurt out the last part, though he feared with a chill that he had gone too far. His statement was just the sort of reckless thing that Sirius would have done, and Remus knew just the proud, tempestuous expression that Sirius would have worn. He strove for it and mustered up the haughtiest look that he could. Emulating Sirius a little further despite the fact that his legs really were shaking now, to the point where it felt as though he might pass out, Remus cocked his head to the side.</p><p>Dumbledore knit his white eyebrows together. “I’m sorry to say that I’m afraid Sirius has rubbed off on you in all the wrong ways, Remus. I too, was in your situation, once.”</p><p>“You’re wrong,” Remus said coolly. He looked over to the side, where Fawkes looked truly pitiful. The phoenix was clearly on some cusp of life and death, though Remus could not tell whether he was coming or going.</p><p>“I am on your side here.”</p><p>“Are you?” Remus asked. His voice cracked. “Were you on our side for all of those years, too?”</p><p>Dumbledore looked like he was about to say something scathing, when the door of his office jerked open. Remus could hear Phineas Nigellus’s voice shouting out of its portrait.</p><p>“My disgraced heir, what a surprise,” Phineas called out. “What brings you here again? More mischief to muck up?”</p><p>“Shove it,” Sirius barked, and he leapt up to where Remus was standing.</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Remus said with shock.</p><p>Sirius’s expression was easy-going. “I let out my class early. I came looking for you and ran into Minnie, and she told me what you were up to. Moony, you should’ve waited for me.” Sirius took his hand. “You shouldn’t have to fight these battles by yourself.”</p><p>“But I wanted to do this. I wanted to do it for you,” Remus said in a low voice, keenly aware of the fact that Dumbledore was listening to them intently.</p><p>“Sirius,” Dumbledore said pleasantly. “Welcome.”</p><p>“Hello,” Sirius said loftily. “Sorry to have missed everything good. Has Remus already said that we won’t be going to Azkaban to see…?”</p><p>“Yes, he has.”</p><p>“And has he already said that we will personally reach into your dark past with every galleon to our family name if you so much as imply again that Harry and our students need to take up some supposed mantle if we don’t?” Sirius demanded.</p><p>“Yes, though not in as many words,” Dumbledore replied cordially. He toyed with a golden contraption on his desk.</p><p>Sirius looked satisfied. His face, Remus noted, had gone from the weakened pallor of the last few sleepless days to the stone-cold arrogance that Remus had once seen on a boy of eleven.</p><p>“I suppose we’re done here, then.”</p><p>“Peter is very ill, as I mentioned last time,” Dumbledore said, as they spun to leave. Remus turned back to look at him. “I will not take anything that you have said here to heart. Should you wish to visit him again before it is too late, I would be most grateful. We cannot simply ignore the demons of our pasts because they are painful. Sometimes, danger lies within ourselves.”</p><p>“We’ll keep that in mind,” Sirius said blithely.</p><p>The two of them walked silently back to Sirius’s office, where Sirius locked the door. He looked at Remus and Remus gazed back at him.</p><p>“What a git,” Sirius said.</p><p>“I’d be inclined to agree. But he can’t do anything to us. We don’t have to go,” Remus said.</p><p>“We’re not going,” Sirius confirmed. “It really was that simple, wasn’t it? Telling him no.”</p><p>“I reckon so,” Remus said. “He’ll probably come back and ask us again in two weeks. And we’ll say no again. And again.”</p><p>“Do you think he’s going to do something?” Sirius mused. “Have we invited Dumbledore’s wrath? Is it time to open up a letter to Rita Skeeter to ask her to dig into his unseemly past?”</p><p>Remus felt bold. “What could he do? I’d rather get fired than have you go back to that place. And we’ll make sure Harry’s safe. And Ron, Hermione, Dean, the whole lot. With or without Rita Skeeter’s help,” Remus added.</p><p>“We wouldn’t be alone. Minnie told me that she’d personally duel Dumbledore if he so much as made a single attempt to drag us into this. Or the kids.” Sirius smiled.</p><p>“She didn’t say that,” Remus asked. “Did she?”</p><p>“Maybe that was me putting words in her mouth,” Sirius admitted, and for the first time all week, his grey eyes shone.</p><p>“You’re something else, Sirius Black, barging into his office like that. You looked like you were ready to murder someone. And also,” Remus said mischievously, “wickedly hot.”</p><p>“I just followed in your footsteps,” Sirius said innocently. “Did you think I’d let you have all that fun without me?”</p><p>Slowly, their mouths started to stretch into smiles. It was difficult to tell which of the two of them threw themselves into the other’s arms first, which of them was the first to whisper <em>thank you</em>, which of them looked at the other with more love.</p><p>*</p><p>They were out of the woods, at long last. They slept peacefully that night for the first time in almost a week. Remus and Sirius most of the entire weekend in bed together, making up a lost week. They punctuated their long naps with a Saturday visit to Hogsmeade for regular quills (for Remus) and sugar quills (for Sirius) and tea with Harry on Sunday. On Sunday night, things had returned to normality enough that they returned to Remus’s office to grade papers. Remus was doing an exceptionally poor job of grading all the Boggart essays, as Sirius kept bringing up Remus’s birthday, which would fall on the following Friday.</p><p>“I’m not like you, Sirius,” Remus said, dismissing him with a wave of his hand. “My birthday isn’t that big of a deal to me. Just tea and cake would be lovely.”</p><p>“Vanilla cake, right?” Sirius asked with a grin. “With vanilla buttercream?”</p><p>“If you like sleeping in the doghouse, absolutely,” Remus said politely, ticking off a paper.</p><p>“I’m kidding,” Sirius said, leaning over the desk to kiss him. “You chocolate fiend. I’m paying Honeydukes a handsome amount of money to make the best bloody cake you’ve ever seen.”</p><p>Remus suddenly felt embarrassed. “No need to drive yourself into insolvency on my account.”</p><p>“I’m very rich, you know,” Sirius said charmingly, leaning his elbow on the table. “It would take an awful lot of cake to do that.”</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes. “You don’t need to remind me, you wanker. What, are you trying to pick me up at the pub or something?”</p><p>Sirius threw his head back and laughed. “No, but I could have, in another lifetime. Brought you home on the first date and everything.”</p><p>“You wish,” Remus shot back.</p><p>“Anyways, what do you want for your birthday? I wanted to invite David Bowie but he seems rather caught up with Iman at the moment.”</p><p>Remus snorted. “What about the International Statute of Secrecy?”</p><p>Sirius rolled his eyes this time. “Irrelevant, when Bowie’s involved.”</p><p>There was a quick rap at the door. “Yes?” Remus called out.</p><p>To his unpleasant surprise, it was Snape. He saw Sirius and gave him a curdled, ugly expression. Sirius bared his teeth in return.</p><p>“Yes?” Remus asked. “What is it, Severus?”</p><p>“I was rather hoping to have this conversation with you without your pet here,” Snape said, sounding bored.</p><p>“Anything you have to say can be said in front of Sirius,” Remus said firmly.</p><p>Snape’s dark eyes narrowed in on Remus. “Very well. The supplies of aconite are delayed across Britain due to a magical transportation failure.”</p><p>Remus blinked in confusion. “Okay.”</p><p>There was a pause.</p><p>“Ah,” Snape said softly. “I forgot you’re remarkably poor at Potions. Not a lick of useful knowledge among the four of you, was there?”</p><p>“Watch yourself,” Sirius called out from his chair. “I’d be happy to break your nose again, Snivellus. Just give me the chance.”</p><p>Snape ignored him. “Aconite, Lupin, is one of the key ingredients in your precious Wolfsbane Potion, which I usually would start brewing right about now.”</p><p>Remus felt his heart drop. Sirius shot him a worried expression that reminded Remus somewhat of Molly Weasley.</p><p>“We are now scheduled to receive aconite for our stores on the fifteenth of this month, two days before the moon,” Snape continued. “Which means…”</p><p>Remus’s heart sank somewhere deep into the stones of the floor. He closed his eyes. “That I won’t have any for this moon,” he said quietly.</p><p>Sirius exhaled. He turned his metallic grey eyes onto Snape. “And there’s nothing you can do about it?”</p><p>“Trust me, no,” Snape said coolly.</p><p>“First off, I don’t trust you. Second, how am I supposed to know that you’re being honest and not just doing it out of cruelty?” Sirius demanded.</p><p>“Hold your tongue, Black,” Snape hissed. “Reckless at sixteen and even worse now. Think about what you’re saying. You speak as though I would <em>want</em> a feral werewolf running amok around the grounds. <em>Some</em> of us have a sense of self-preservation.”</p><p>“You’re the feral one,” Sirius snarled. But Remus knew that Snape was telling the truth, and Sirius must have known as well, because he said nothing else.</p><p>“Is that all?” Remus said, struggling to keep his voice level.</p><p>“Yes. The Headmaster thought I should tell you in advance, as soon as I found out about the delay,” Snape said, before turning around and heading towards the door. He paused and threw Remus a strange look. If Remus had thought Snape capable of any form of feeling, Remus would have called it pity. But then, Snape’s expression turned dark again as he surveyed Remus with a sudden antipathy. “So that you can make other arrangements that won’t put the rest of us in <em>danger</em>.” He left with a slam of the door.</p><p>Remus scrubbed his face with his hands. He had gotten too comfortable, he supposed, with the moon being as easy as it had never been before. He had been through thousands of moons. He could handle it once more. Still, the prospect of the pain, the howls, the blood...it had been almost too easy to leave behind.</p><p>“Well, now what?” Remus asked, genuinely. </p><p>To his surprise, Sirius did not come back with a biting retort about Snape. Instead, he sat on Remus’s desk, moving aside one of the framed portraits of himself, and ran his fingers alongside the underside of Remus’s jawline. He studied him and then gently kissed him on the forehead. Remus felt Sirius nestle his chin in his hair. He could hear Sirius whispering to him, something in English, perhaps, or in French, words all strung together in cursive. After several minutes, Sirius cleared his throat, and Remus heard the ghost of his own words, sweet as honey in Sirius’s mouth.</p><p>“We’re going to deal with it one way or another, together. Like we always do.”</p><p>Sirius’s words made Remus feel braver than any Patronus ever could.</p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
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    <p>Remus had never been particularly devoted to the idea of celebrating his birthday. Birthdays after 1981 had been almost universally miserable, of course, and not worth the words that they would take up on a page. His thirty-fourth had been the best of the lot – a quiet Thursday spent teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts. Professor McGonagall had given him a birthday card that he had kept pinned up in his office for the rest of the year.</p><p>Even before the recent slate of birthdays, though, Remus had never been obsessive about celebrating. That’s not to say, mind you, that he had not been celebrated, or that he had not enjoyed the festivities. Remus’s childhood birthdays had been full of love. He hadn’t had many friends growing up, and so the concept of a party would have been laughable – it would have been just him, his parents, and his imaginary friends, really. Regardless, Remus’s birthdays had always been celebrated at the Lupin cottage. His parents had always baked a sumptuous chocolate cake for him, decorated by Hope with loving curlicues of milk chocolate icing, and at least a few wrapped presents. The best presents, of course, were books, usually secondhand and well-loved both by the time they came into his possession. Still, while Remus was always thrilled about his new novels, and savored Hope’s German chocolate cake, he reckoned that he would have been just as content with anything.</p><p>When Remus arrived at Hogwarts, however, he realized quickly that this lackadaisical attitude towards his birthday made him the odd one out among his roommates, each fanatical about their birthdays in different ways.</p><p>A fact that Remus quickly learned, and one that he would one day grow to adore, was that Sirius Black reveled in show-stopping birthdays with hundreds of people. Over the course of their seven years at Hogwarts, Sirius tried his damnedest to make up for nearly a dozen years of loveless, lifeless birthdays at 12 Grimmauld Place by planning the most over-the-top celebrations possible. His birthday parties were raucous, outrageous, and wildly entertaining – much like Sirius himself. Remus could not forget the detention-earning fireworks of his eighteenth, the party that had broken all of the Gryffindor records and nearly broken Gryffindor Tower itself. Remus would also be loath to forget the quiet <em>I love yous</em> that had followed in the din of nearly-broken dawn.</p><p>James Potter was enthusiastic about planning elaborate events but equally as insistent on keeping them small. He rejoiced in rallying the Marauders for his (usually Quidditch-themed) birthdays, one of the few times a year that Remus would voluntarily get on a broomstick. Euphemia would usually send enormous cakes and biscuits for them, which the Marauders would share with Marlene, Mary, Dorcas, Alice, Frank, and – <em>eventually</em>, after she agreed to give James a chance – Lily. In their seventh year (and with only mild scolding from Euphemia and Fleamont), James convinced the Marauders to sneak off the Hogwarts grounds to watch the Holyhead Harpies play. He even managed to convince Lily to shirk her Head Girl duties, to cheer on the team that she would end up supporting until the day she died.</p><p>Even Peter Pettigrew, the least theatrical and also the least detail-oriented of the four Marauders, was fixated on his birthday celebrations each year. He would get sulky and reticent if the other Marauders pretended that they didn’t remember it was his birthday in the days leading up to it and would drop increasingly heavy hints about certain traditions that his family enjoyed. As a result of his inability to leave well enough alone, Peter was involved in planning just about every surprise party the Marauders threw in his honor.</p><p>((How young they had been, once upon a time, when matters of life and death, friendship and betrayal, were nothing compared to four teenagers pooling together their considerable talents to figure out how to sneak Ogden’s Old Firewhisky into Gryffindor Tower.))</p><p>The fact that Remus did not particularly mind how his own birthday was commemorated did not detract the other three Marauders from attempting to outdo themselves and each other in their efforts to celebrate Remus. Remus’s birthdays with the Marauders had been nothing short of exuberant. Remus could not very well forget James charming the suits of armor and convincing the portraits to sing <em>happy birthday</em> for an entire day, or the get-together that Sirius had planned in the Room of Requirement, where all of the attendees had been carefully instructed to dress as muggle rockstars (Sirius had dressed as Joan Jett, a look that Remus still thought about to this day). Though it pained him to think of Peter, he also could not forget the picture of the four of them, taken in the summer of 1977, that Peter had gifted him for his eighteenth birthday.</p><p>((Remus had not seen that picture in several years. When Hagrid had written to ask for pictures of James and Lily for Harry, he had handed over all of the pictures of James and Lily that he had, including most of the ones where he and Sirius were together. He had been almost too eager to get rid of some of them. The memories had felt too raw, even a decade after their deaths and after what he had seen as Sirius’s betrayal. He somewhat regretted giving over all of his pictures now, but he could not very well <em>ask</em> for all of them back. Besides, he reasoned, he had the real live version of Sirius. Why would he need the pictures?))</p><p>*</p><p>In fact, on the day of his thirty-fifth birthday, Remus woke up in the arms of his very real, very live Sirius, and that alone made this birthday better than the last thirteen put together. Remus basked in the golden streaks of the rising sun against his closed eyelids. The pillow smelled like the spicy cologne Sirius liked to wear, something that he had had custom-made for far too many galleons in Paris over the summer. He let his eyes drift open and carefully maneuvered his way out of the bed.</p><p>Upon opening the door to the living room, he found himself adrift in a sea of impressive golden balloons in different shapes (Remus counted several dogs among them, as well as Aladdin Sané’s lightning bolt, and Queen’s zodiac sign logo), streamers that billowed pleasantly despite the fact that there were no windows open, and a bevy of confetti that seemed to be throwing itself. On the center table, there was a huge wrapped present. The pureblood cursive on top indicated that the present was for <em>the absolute love of my life, lemus</em>.</p><p>Shaking his head at Sirius and the joke that would not leave him be, Remus sat on his couch and unwrapped it. It was quite unlike Sirius to wrap a present so neatly, actually. Remus was suspicious. He grew even more suspicious when he opened the present to find a handsome, leather-bound copy of a book that had no title written across it, and not a single word written across any of its blank pages.</p><p>“<em>Aparecium</em>,” Remus whispered, and still the pages remained completely blank.</p><p>“D’you like it?” Sirius murmured sleepily from the doorway of the bedroom. His voice was hoarse from hours of disuse. His hair was rumpled, and his eyes were half-closed, and yet Remus thought he had never looked quite so handsome. He walked over and sat next to Remus on the couch. Remus accepted a bouquet of sloppy, sleepy kisses from him, putting the book on the coffee table in front of them.</p><p>“Why are you awake?” Remus asked, taking Sirius’s hand. “You start later today. It’s Friday. Go back to bed.”</p><p>“Because it’s your bloody birthday, Moony. Happy thirty-fifth.” He crooned softly into Remus’s ear. “<em>This will be our year, took a long time to come</em>.”</p><p>“The Zombies? That’s a new one,” Remus grinned. “Haven’t heard that song in decades. How’d you decorate the whole place without me noticing? And how’d you get the balloons and all of that?”</p><p> Sirius smiled crookedly. “I transfigured them, naturally.”</p><p>“Out of what?” Remus asked skeptically. The last time Sirius had gotten an idea that involved transfiguring any household objects, Remus had been left without a single pair of socks, as all of them had been transfigured into floaty, gauzy curtains for the living room.</p><p>Sirius choked back a yawn. “Charms textbooks.”</p><p>Remus laughed and raked his fingers through Sirius’s sleep-mussed hair. “You’re joking, Padfoot. You must be. What about your classes?”</p><p>“I’ll teach them practice for the rest of the term. Or I’ll just nick a textbook off Goyle or something. I don’t think he knows how to read, based off that rubbish essay he submitted on Severing Charms last week.”</p><p>“Never mind that,” Remus said impatiently. “What about the book? Did you buy me a diary?”</p><p>“I could if you wanted one,” Sirius teased. “You could write about how cute you think my arse looks, like back in sixth year. <em>Dear Diary, Sirius looks so bloody hot today I might die.</em>”</p><p>Remus flushed. “I told you that in private!”</p><p>“And there are only two of us here,” Sirius said devilishly. “Try out the book.”</p><p>“Try it out how?” Remus asked. “Write something about your arse?”</p><p>Sirius took the book from the coffee table and placed it back in Remus’s hands. He raced back to Remus’s bedroom, retrieved his wand, and gave it to him. He looked so pleased with himself, Remus could practically see rather than imagine Padfoot’s tail wagging.</p><p>“Point at it and say the name of a book, any book, Moony. Think about yourself reading it.”</p><p>“A wizarding book?” Remus asked curiously.</p><p>“Any book,” Sirius said eagerly, leaning in with him.</p><p>Remus smiled, thinking of his mother. With his wand, he aimed at the book and carefully said, “<em>Anne of Green Gables</em>.”</p><p>Before he could ask Sirius what he was supposed to do next, the blank cover in front of him began to etch itself, transcribing words before his very eyes, until the book suddenly read, in flowing, golden script:</p><p>
  <em>Anne of Green Gables</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lucy Maud Montgomery</em>
</p><p>Stunned, Remus flipped through the book, which seemed to have populated itself with words about as quickly as the title had. He recognized snippets of the words that Hope’s lilting Welsh accent had once read in her special “Canadian” voice. Remus thought it might just be a trick of the light, and he pointed his wand at it again. Within moments, the book had transfigured itself into an expensive-looking tome of <em>The Tales of Beedle the Bard</em>.</p><p>“So?” Sirius prompted, and thrust his chin up in the air with a look of unmistakable smugness.</p><p>“I mean, thank you, wow, but Sirius, how did you do it?” Remus asked in disbelief.</p><p>Sirius grinned. “You see, Moony, I don’t know how to tell you this, but…we’re wizards. Magic is real. Transfiguration is real.”</p><p>“Bastard,” Remus yelped, just as a burst of confetti rained down on them. The glitter stuck to Sirius’s hair and face, and Remus was certain that his own curls had been doused with sparkles. “Are these real?”</p><p>Sirius plucked the book from Remus’s hand. “Hm. I suppose so. I haven’t read a proper book in fifteen years, you know.”</p><p>“I know that all too well,” Remus grinned back at him. “How’d you get them to transfigure themselves. Can you even transfigure books? Or are you summoning them from somewhere? <em>Merlin</em>, Sirius, did you<em> buy</em> all these books? That’s impossible, that’s like, thousands of books. How would you even know-”</p><p>“Easy, Moony, don’t give yourself heart palpitations about it. Hermione gave me a list of the muggle classics, and the wizard classics you were bound to want to read. Brightest witch I’ve ever met, I’d say. She’d give even Lily a run for her galleons.”</p><p>“But how did you–”</p><p>Sirius rolled his eyes. “Enough questions. You’re…how do you say it…exposing the gears behind the clock. I learned that one from Muggle Studies, back in the day,” he added proudly.</p><p>“Sirius Black, using a muggle idiom?” Remus gasped, fanning at himself dramatically. “Merlin’s beard, I never thought I’d see such witchcraft.”</p><p>“Well,” Sirius said, pushing him down on the couch with a bat of the eyelashes. His smile was just wicked enough that Remus had a sense of why Sirius had been willing to get up hours earlier than he normally did, the present aside. “You did cast a spell on me. Maybe literally. Did you know that we’re wizards?”</p><p>Remus laughed. “I seem to have heard that from someone. But wait,” he said, as Sirius kissed down his throat. “One more question.”</p><p>“If you must. And only because it’s your birthday,” Sirius said flippantly, and his mouth was soft against his skin.</p><p>Remus was insistent. “Who wrapped this for you? You’re rubbish at wrapping presents. Remember that broomstick you gave Harry for his first? Pitiful.”</p><p>Sirius huffed in protest. Upon seeing Sirius with the wrapped present, James had demanded to know why Sirius had wanted to give his infant son some sort of muggle weapon.</p><p>“If you must know,” Sirius sighed, “I called in Kreacher. Are you satisfied?”</p><p>“Quite.”</p><p>“Do you like your birthday present?”</p><p>“I love it.”</p><p>“Good,” Sirius said promptly. “Now shut up, would you?” He gave him a wolfish smile that showed off all his teeth. “Happy birthday, baby.”</p><p><em>Yes</em>, Remus thought blissfully, <em>this is turning out to be a fine birthday, indeed.</em></p><p>*</p><p>For several days, Sirius had pestered him about his birthday plans until Remus thought that he might figure out how to Disapparate on Hogwarts grounds just to avoid the incessant questioning. He had finally agreed to a birthday tea with the two of them and Harry, planned for after the final bell had rung on Friday afternoon. Sirius met Remus at his office, his chest heaving up and down from racing there after his late Charms class.</p><p>“Having a good birthday?” Sirius asked, grinning at Remus as he slipped into the wooden chair on the other side of Remus’s desk.</p><p>“Very much so,” Remus said, grading the last of his papers and putting his chin on his fist to give Sirius a dreamy look. “Except for some bizarre reason, all my students seem to know it’s my birthday. I kept trying to teach them about vampires with no avail.”</p><p>It was true. His class of second-year Hufflepuffs had gone so far as to sing a chorus of <em>for he’s a jolly good fellow</em> that afternoon, much to Remus’s charmed embarrassment.</p><p>“That’s interesting,” Sirius said blithely. “I imagine Nearly Headless Nick must have heard me and Harry talking about your birthday tea on Tuesday. He’s quite the gossip. Gives Rita Skeeter a run for her money, really.”</p><p>“Yes, quite,” Remus said, attempting skepticism but breaking out into a smile as Sirius pulled him in and kissed him. They set off, hand in hand towards Remus’s living quarters, where the tea was to be held.</p><p>“Do you feel older and wiser, Moony?” Sirius asked. He waved at one of the Ravenclaw third years who chirped out birthday greetings for Remus. He grinned at them, and the student flushed. Remus could not blame them.</p><p>Remus thought about Sirius’s question. His joints creaked slightly more, but perhaps that was just the effect of the upcoming moon – a dread that he refused to engage with on his birthday, but which he would have to face next week – weighing him down.</p><p>“I’ve felt sixty-one since I was about thirteen, so I suppose I’m just catching up to my natural age,” Remus snickered.</p><p>Sirius broke out into the chorus of <em>When I’m Sixty-Four</em>.</p><p>“Please don’t sing, take pity, Padfoot, it <em>is</em> my birthday,” Remus said, putting his hand over Sirius’s mouth. Sirius licked it until Remus hollered and swiped his hand on Sirius’s sleeve.  </p><p>“Hang on, Moony, I need to stop by my classroom. I forgot this mug I charmed for you. It keeps your tea completely hot based on what kind it is, and I want you to try it at tea with Harry.”</p><p>He yanked Remus’s hand in the opposite direction. Remus rolled his eyes good-naturedly and rubbed at his arm theatrically.</p><p>“This is rubbish,” Remus complained. “What are we teaching Harry? That it’s acceptable to be late? I’m afraid that this is far from role model behavior.”</p><p>“It’ll only be a minute,” Sirius grinned, as he pushed open the door of his Charms classroom. Almost immediately, Remus was hit with a wall of earsplitting, raucous noise, as what seemed like half the school shouted <em>surprise</em> at him. The desks and chairs had all been piled up against a wall, as they were when Remus taught practical lessons to his students. Some of the desks had been repurposed as serving tables, which were covered with every sort of biscuit, pudding, and cake that Remus could imagine. Music blasted from everywhere and nowhere at once, and Remus was sure that he would find Sirius’s brand-new, bewitched record player somewhere. The entire room was covered in balloons that had been blown up into unimaginably curious shapes that seemed to have been pulled straight from the Defense Against the Dark Arts curriculum. A small turquoise Kappa balloon drifted gently towards him. From the corner of Remus’s eye, he could see the Weasley twins setting off tiny rockets that circled around the classroom, leaving trails of sparks in their wake. Right towards the front of the room, leaning against what normally served as Sirius’s desk and now served as a gold serving tray to what seemed to be the world’s largest chocolate birthday cake, Remus saw Harry, with a huge grin, next to Hermione and Ron. Next to Ron, Seamus and Dean waved enthusiastically at them. On Hermione’s other side, Luna was blowing up balloons in even more curious shapes.</p><p>“Are you surprised?” Sirius asked hopefully.</p><p>“Very much so,” Remus said, and almost leaned in to kiss him, before he realized that their students were watching them awfully keenly. Angelina wolf-whistled from the back. “There are so many people here.”</p><p>“Well, some of the Slytherins declined to participate,” Sirius said, rolling his eyes as the partygoers began chatting each other up in earnest and lining up to partake in the elaborate array of desserts. “But I didn’t even invite them, anyways, Moony.”</p><p>“How <em>did</em> you invite everyone?” Remus asked incredulously, stopping to accept wishes for many happy returns from Ernie and Justin.</p><p>“This is brilliant,” Ernie exclaimed, looking eager. “I can’t imagine how much more lavish the wedding’s going to be.”</p><p>“You’re not getting invited, Ernie, stop being a prat about it,” Justin said, rolling his eyes. “Happy birthday, though, Professor Lupin.”</p><p>Sirius and Remus exchanged a glance.</p><p>“Er, right.” Remus said, stifling a laugh. “Thanks, Ernie. Thanks, Justin.”</p><p>They kept walking through the crowd. “So?” Remus asked.</p><p>“I didn’t invite everyone,” Sirius smirked, cocking his head to the side. “I told Harry, Hermione, and Ron, and of course, none of them could keep their mouths shut if there were a million galleons on the line, so then all of Gryffindor Tower wanted to come – including Dean, whom we seem to have adopted, good lad – and then they told the Hufflepuffs, who are now good friends with the Ravenclaws ever since they teamed up to figure out the two of us were a couple, and then the Slytherins on the Quidditch team heard from them when they played each other last week.”</p><p>“You’ve been planning this for a week?” Remus yelped. Another cloud of confetti fell over him.</p><p>“Only the best for my Moony.”</p><p>Remus looked at him with wonder. He must have truly done something brilliant in a past life, or else suffered a good deal more, he reckoned, if he was lucky enough to have Sirius Black twice over in this one.</p><p>“You’re looking at me like you want a good old-fashioned snog, lover boy,” Sirius teased with a lilting voice, tilting Remus’s chin up with his hand. Remus could feel the smooth gold band on his finger underneath his jawline.</p><p>“I’m looking at you as though you’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me,” Remus blurted out.</p><p>“Oh, is that all?” Sirius said, and his face was dazzlingly, ecstatically happy. “That’s how I look at you all the time.”</p><p>“That’s enough,” Harry said loudly, interrupting their reverie by waving his hands around. “Can I wish Remus a happy birthday now?”</p><p>“Oh, you lot are all here,” Sirius said absentmindedly. “Forgot about that. Hello, you.”</p><p>“Happy birthday, Remus,” Harry beamed, and he took advantage of the fact that they were surrounded by his friends and fellow Gryffindors to hug him. Remus felt as though his entire face might come apart from smiling so brilliantly.</p><p>“Many happy returns, Professor Lupin!” Hermione cheered. She shyly handed him a present, which appeared to be a new treatise on advanced defensive magic. Remus grinned in thanks.</p><p>“Happy birthday…er? Hang on. Lupin? Bloody hell. Professor Remus?” Ron asked.</p><p>Sirius threw his head back. “That sounds about right.”</p><p>The three of them were suddenly pulled into a conversation with the members of the Ravenclaw Quidditch team, who were eager to discuss standings. Sirius got yanked into a separate conversation by Ginny Weasley.</p><p>“Happy birthday, Professor Lupin,” Dean said with a warm smile, stepping over to land in Remus’s line of view. He was joined by Seamus, who had already filled up an entire plate with the biggest chocolate biscuits Remus had ever seen.</p><p>“Thanks, Dean. Thanks, Seamus,” Remus smiled. “Thanks for coming. I had no idea, really.”</p><p>They chatted for a bit about the birthday festivities, the music (Seamus also had an appreciation for classic rock, it turned out), and about West Ham’s prospects for the following matchday. As they talked, Remus fondly noticed the way that Dean acted around Seamus, and recognized the matching banter from when he and Sirius were around their age, and wondered whether there might be something there that neither of them had quite realized. He would keep his speculations to himself, of course.</p><p>“Wicked food,” Seamus said, with his mouth full. “Better biscuits than my mam’s.”</p><p>Remus eyed the biscuits hopefully. “They look excellent. I should go get some before I get the short end of the stick at my own birthday.”</p><p>“Er, Professor Lupin,” Dean said nervously. “Before you go…I made you this.”</p><p>Dean handed Remus a large piece of parchment. Unrolling it, Remus saw that Dean had drawn a very realistic-looking Gryffindor lion wearing what Remus recognized as a maroon-colored West Ham Jersey. Dean looked at Remus hopefully. Remus beamed back at him.</p><p>“This is brilliant, Dean,” Remus said genuinely. “I’ll keep it in my office. And eventually, over the summer, at home. You’re more than welcome to visit whenever you like. You too, Seamus.”</p><p>Dean’s face radiated genuine appreciation, before Seamus dragged him off towards the desserts. Remus headed towards the table as well with an eye towards one of the brownies, but was stopped by Fred and George Weasley, who wore matching red suits.</p><p>“Happy birthday, Professor Lupin,” they chorused.</p><p>“Thank you, Fred. Thanks, George. Interesting outfit choices,” Remus said mildly.</p><p>“We thought it would honor the significance of the occasion,” George said grandiosely. He was several bites deep into an exquisite-looking brownie. “Where would be without our favorite professor?”</p><p>“You don’t have to lie, you know,” Remus said, brushing his hair back from his face with a laugh. “I know your favorite is probably Sirius – <em>ah</em> – Professor Black.”</p><p>George squinted at Sirius, who was telling a dramatic story to Luna and Ginny several yards away. Remus turned to look at him as well, and Sirius met his gaze and winked.</p><p>“He’s a right bugger,” George said affectionately.</p><p>Fred elbowed him.</p><p>“I mean…Professor Bugger,” George said quickly.</p><p>Remus tried to hold in his laughter and failed miserably. The laughter leaked out of the sides of his mouth anyways.</p><p>“Tell me about the desserts,” Remus said enviously. “I’ve been so busy, I haven’t had a single bite of anything. Or, for that matter, a single cuppa.”</p><p>Sirius appeared suddenly at his side, and dutifully handed him a cup of perfectly-brewed Earl Grey. Without asking, he stuffed a thick, marbled brownie square piece in Remus’s mouth.</p><p>“Are you both being annoying right now?” Sirius asked Fred and George with mock irritation.</p><p>“Yes,” they chirped as one.</p><p>“My knight in shining armor,” Remus said gratefully, finally swallowing the brownie. “I’d been desperate to try some of the food.”</p><p>“It’s your birthday, Moony,” Sirius said fondly, touching his face. “You deserve the best.”</p><p>There was a pause.</p><p>“Hang on,” George interjected. He spoke slowly, as though he were creeping up on a small animal. “What did you just call him?”</p><p>Sirius eyed them suspiciously. “Moony. Why?”</p><p>Fred and George looked at one another in utter disbelief. Their eyes nearly popped out of their skulls. Remus would have paid good money to see this moment immortalized, and wished for a moment that Colin Creevey (currently taking a picture of a third-year Slytherin, Fiona, eating a cupcake) were there.</p><p>While Sirius had never asked too many questions about how Harry had come into possession of the Marauder’s Map, assuming that James’s rightful heir had found it somehow, and while Harry had remained mum about it all, Remus figured that Harry must have gotten it from someone. While he had never been able to prove it outright, he had had a sneaking suspicion that Fred and George Weasley might have been those <em>someones</em>. Who else would have ended up in detention often enough to poke through Filch’s cabinets? Judging from their suddenly fiery expressions, Remus guessed that he had been right.</p><p>“It’s <em>you</em>, isn’t it?” Fred said, and his voice dropped to near reverence. “Merlin’s beard.”</p><p>“What’s me?” Remus said, fighting a smile. The twins grinned at him. Sirius looked confused.</p><p>“You’re Moony?” George asked eagerly, <em>sotto voce</em>. “Of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs? The Marauder’s Map?”</p><p>Sirius gaped. “You know about the Map?”</p><p>“Of course we know,” Fred said. “We figured it out early. Bestowed it on Harry as a present last year, seeing as he needed the guidance of Monsieurs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs more than we did. Good lad.”</p><p>Sirius thought for a moment. Then, he smirked. “I can’t say you’re wrong. He probably did.”</p><p>“So we’re right, then?” George asked. “Did you do it? Will you tell us how? And why? And you, you must be caught up in this,” he said, wagging his finger at Sirius. “Which are you? You look like a Prongs sort of fellow to me.”</p><p>“Wrong,” Sirius scoffed, sounding terribly American. “As if.”</p><p>“<em>Anyways</em>,” Remus said, giving Sirius a look that kindly suggested that he not expose all of their secrets in front of their students. “We should go. Mum’s the word, you two.”</p><p>Fred and George protested good-naturedly. “We have to know the truth,” Fred asked.</p><p>“This isn’t the end of this conversation,” George said, squinting at the two of them once more.</p><p>“You should ask Mr. Creevey to take a picture, George,” Sirius sniffed. “If you’re going to keep staring like that.”</p><p>George looked like he was on the cusp of telling Sirius off, but Fred pulled him away just in time.</p><p>“<em>Sirius</em>,” Remus choked on his tea, which was the perfect temperature. “You can’t tell off a student like that.”</p><p>Sirius shrugged easily. “It’s Fred and George. Now, do you want to blow out the candles, or–”</p><p>“Finally, you’re alone,” Harry said suddenly. “Brilliant. Nearly forgot to give you this. I’ve been trying to get your attention for an hour.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, Harry,” Remus replied. “You could’ve asked.”</p><p>Harry shook his messy hair. “Nah. It’s okay, Remus. I was…busy anyways.”</p><p>Remus arched an eyebrow. Sirius looked downright wicked.</p><p>“He was talking to Cho,” Sirius said meaningfully.</p><p>“Isn’t she with Cedric?” Remus asked mildly. “I thought we went over this at tea last week, Harry, that you weren’t interested anymore.”</p><p>“<em>Can we not</em>?” Harry hissed, yanking the two of them into a corner of the Charms classroom. “Honestly, the two of you are worse gossips than Ron.”</p><p>“We’re just curious about your life,” Sirius said, slinging an arm around his godson’s shoulders. “We won’t bring it up again. Though I did hear something about Ginny still fancying you…”</p><p>“You’re the worst, both of you,” Harry said flatly. “Truly embarrassing.”</p><p>“Don’t be cross, Harry, Sirius can’t mind his manners to save his bloody life,” Remus sighed.</p><p>“I’m not,” Harry said, and his frown faded. “Anyways, er, Remus, I have a present for you,” Harry said shyly, handing him a badly-wrapped package.</p><p>“You didn’t have to,” Remus objected, accepting the package.</p><p>“Presentation is everything, Harry,” Sirius said primly. Remus shoved him into the wall lightly.</p><p>“Ignore your godfather. He’s a rubbish wrapper. Thank you, Harry, shall I open it now?”</p><p>Harry thought for a moment. Then, he nodded. Remus tore open the wrapping paper and revealed a photobook with a rough fabric cover. He opened it and found, on the very first page, a picture of James, Lily, Sirius, and himself, once upon a time, at Harry’s first birthday party.</p><p>Remus was speechless. Sirius, next to him, exhaled sharply.</p><p>“I can’t take your scrapbook, Harry,” Remus said gently. “But I’m so incredibly touched.”</p><p>Harry shook his head. His green eyes were bright. “It’s a duplicate, you see. I got the idea when you used the Geminio Charm when I was sick. Since we don’t normally learn it until fifth year, Hermione helped me figure it out.”</p><p>Remus nodded and flipped through the book. Here were his friends, in black and white and yet in startlingly vivid color in Remus’s mind. Lily and James, of course, but also himself and Sirius in a good deal of them, snippets of Dorcas, Marlene, and Mary, even glimpses of Alice and Frank Longbottom. And of course –</p><p>The four Marauders, back in the summer of 1977, Sirius looking as gorgeous as he ever had with his long, dark hair whipping around his face; James grinning wildly at Lily, who was behind the camera, his knees skinned from an unfortunate attempt to ride a bicycle; Peter looking at them as though he couldn’t believe his good luck; and himself, standing tall and proud with a mischievous glint in his amber eyes. He looked – and there had been no other word for it – <em>fearless</em>, flanked by James on one side and Sirius on the other.</p><p>“This means so much to me, Harry,” Remus said softly. “Thank you.”</p><p>“You like it, then?” Harry prompted, sounding remarkably like Sirius.</p><p>“I love it. Thank you,” he said, and hugged Harry once more. He turned to look at the photograph again. Remus had not seen it in three years and had not felt compelled to stare so hard at it in nearly fourteen years. The preserved image of the Marauders as they had once been, so alive and indestructible, stayed behind his eyes.</p><p>It remained there in all of its luminescence as he squeezed Harry tightly, as Sirius joined them in their compact little trio, as Remus blew out every one of the thirty-five candles on his six-layer cake (what was there to wish for, really, when he had everything he ever wanted?), as he devoured the most brilliant chocolate cake Honeydukes had ever made, as he shook Dobby’s hand for the other desserts, as he accepted more well wishes, as Remus promised everyone that he’d never eat so much chocolate again, as he and Sirius made their way back home and kissed at every corner and against every wall, and even –<em> even</em> – as he settled into bed that night and reveled in the day, Sirius fast asleep beside him.</p><p>In fact, Remus would carry the thought of that photograph with him throughout that entire week, as his joints ached and his skin grew hot and the unbearable fatigue of the moon hung upon him once more.</p><p>***</p><p>“I still don’t understand why we can’t just Apparate somewhere,” Sirius complained as they walked towards the Shrieking Shack under the cover of falling night. The promise of the full moon loomed dangerously over them, as did the promise of heavy rainfall, judging from the pregnant clouds hovering in their peripheral vision. “We still have time. Remember the lakes? We could go back there, even though it’ll be muddy as hell. Tomorrow’s a Saturday, we could take our time in making our way back and everything.”</p><p>“We’re not supposed to leave the grounds,” Remus said stubbornly. His legs felt as though they did not quite belong to him, and he cursed the treachery of his body once more.</p><p>“When have the rules ever applied to us?” Sirius asked breezily.</p><p>“Never, really. Let’s not tempt the Fates, though. It’ll be…it’ll be fine,” Remus said, summoning up a bravery that he did not quite feel. He had not experienced the full effects of the moon in a year and a half. Even over the summer, he had had the benefit of Wolfsbane Potions delivered discreetly to 12 Grimmauld Place. Sirius had joined him in August to prance around the Lake District with him, though any dreams of being able to both benefit from the Wolfsbane Potion <em>and</em> roam around to their hearts’ content had been dashed after trying it once more in September and failing miserably. Remus was more than a little apprehensive about how his body would act in light of the muscle memory of the last eighteen months or so.</p><p>((That, of course, was an understatement. He was terrified about how his body would react. In fact, he had begged Sirius not to come with him, but arguing with Sirius at his most obstinate was about as useful as trying to convince the Weasley twins to exhibit model behavior.))</p><p>“Anyways, it’ll be good to be close. Just in case…” Remus trailed off.</p><p>“Nothing’s going to happen,” Sirius said, taking his hand. “We’ll roam the grounds together once more and it’ll be just like old times.”</p><p>They let themselves into the Shrieking Shack. There was even more dust than usual, having accumulated over the several months that no one had stepped inside.</p><p>“Has there always been a piano in here?” Sirius asked offhandedly.</p><p>Remus looked at the main room, where a baby grand piano sat desolately in the moonlight.</p><p>“I imagine so.”</p><p>“Want me to play for you?” Sirius offered, taking his arm gently. “You know, I haven’t played in a while, but they say muscle memory…”</p><p>“Maybe after we make it through tonight,” Remus said gamely, cracking a wan smile. “You could play the <em>Moonlight Sonata</em>.”</p><p>“I was thinking more like <em>Bohemian Rhapsody</em>. It’ll keep you on your toes much more than that Beethoven bloke,” Sirius replied.</p><p>Remus exhaled a sharp laugh through his nose. “Let’s go upstairs, shall we?”</p><p>“As you wish.”</p><p>Remus winced as they climbed the creaking steps, gripping his aching hip. Sirius took his arm and gently guided him the final steps.</p><p>“Twenty minutes until the moon, I’d say,” Sirius said, pulling up his shirt and looking down at the full moon phase on his shirt, which was growing brighter with every passing day.</p><p>Remus folded his clothes neatly and set them atop the armoire in the main bedroom. He looked around the room. Even twenty years later, it was hard to not imagine that James and Peter would burst through the doors at any moment.</p><p> “You should show your tattoo to Professor Sinistra. I’m sure she’d be very interested to know about your impeccable knowledge of the lunar phases.”</p><p>“I couldn’t,” Sirius grinned, lounging against the door. “She might fall in love with me. And I’ve resigned from the business of breaking hearts, Moony.”</p><p>Remus laughed, and then clutched his ribs painfully. He sat down heavily in a wooden chair that looked as though it had seen better days. “Doubt that.”</p><p>“Why?” Sirius said, sweeping into the bedroom and kneeling down in front of Remus so that he could look up at him with his dancing grey eyes. “Do you doubt my charm? I do teach them, after all, so you could imagine that I’m rather talented at them.”</p><p>Remus gasped sharply, as he felt his skin start to burn all over. He felt Sirius take his hand and stroke it. “No. I don’t doubt that you could charm just about anyone. But Sinistra’s a lesbian.”</p><p>Sirius shrugged. “Ah, well. She can join the Marlene McKinnon house at the school of Sirius Black.”</p><p>Remus tried to laugh but instead doubled over with a whimper of pain.</p><p>Sirius kissed all of his fingertips, one by one. “I can’t stand the fact that you have to go through with this, and I wish I could do something for you.”</p><p>“I wish you didn’t have to deal with me while I’m going through all this,” Remus said, biting so hard on his lip that he felt as though he might draw blood.</p><p>“Don’t you dare,” Sirius whispered.</p><p>“It’s true,” Remus grimaced. “You didn’t sign up for a Dark Creature.”</p><p>Sirius’s eyes blazed. “I signed up for Remus Lupin, and everything else was just an added bonus.”</p><p>Remus cocked his head to the side. The words were there, on the tip of his tongue, about how Sirius had the uncanny ability to make Remus feel as though he was not the monster he had seen himself as for years, because how could a monster ever be loved by someone as brilliant as Sirius Black? How could a monster love so deeply in return? Perhaps if Merrythought had studied him, in relation to Sirius, she would have written ballads instead of a clinical treatise on the history of the werewolf. Before he could say anything amounting to real words, though, a throbbing sensation shot up his legs, and he knew the hour had come.</p><p>“Transform. Now, go,” Remus begged, with his eyes squeezed tight, and that was the last he remembered before the wolf retook what it believed belonged to him.</p><p>*</p><p>Remus knew something was wrong from the moment that he woke up, face-down in the sodden grounds on the fringes of the grounds of the Shrieking Shack. He could not tell what time it was for the life of him, as the rain poured down on them unremorsefully, without a beginning, without an end, not seeming to care either way. His first thought, as it always was –</p><p>“<em>Sirius</em>,” he shouted, in a wild panic, before realizing Sirius was right next to him, Padfoot long gone. He was soaking wet and half-propped on his elbow.</p><p>“Moony, hi, you’re awake,” Sirius said faintly. “I would’ve carried you all the way back, but I…” He let his hand drift over his side.</p><p>“What happened?” Remus cried, kneeling next to him on the wet grass. After gently slipping the leather jacket off him, he saw the short, jagged bloody clawmarks torn into Sirius’s skin, right above the moon phases tattooed on his chest. The did not look particularly deep, but they were gashes nonetheless.</p><p>Remus felt as though the life had been drained out of him. “<em>No</em>.”</p><p>“Moony, it doesn’t even hurt that bad,” Sirius begged. “They look a lot worse than they feel because of the rain.”</p><p>“Please don’t lie,” Remus said tightly. “Oh, <em>Sirius</em>. I’m so sorry,” he said, and the words were true and yet felt as though he could never say them enough to satisfy him, and he dissolved into a series of apologies, because Sirius deserved better than this, didn’t he? His pleas were punctuated sharply by a cry of thunder and a jagged twist of lightning.</p><p>“Hey, hey,” Sirius said softly, pulling Remus’s face close to his, until their foreheads touched. “Look at me. None of that. It looks worse than it is, really. Padfoot just got a touch too excited, and the wolf did too, that’s all. We crashed into this tree, and then…”</p><p>“Sirius, I’m so sorry. I can’t bear to think that I hurt you like this.”</p><p>“But it wasn’t you. It was the wolf.”</p><p>“I <em>am</em> the wolf,” Remus said, gritting his teeth.</p><p>“You’re not. We’ve all gotten injured before, and we’ve dealt with it. I mean, remember that time James got a concussion after the full…” Sirius trailed off after meeting Remus’s face.</p><p>Remus did not know whether the tears falling down his face were his own or belonged to the world around them. He could not stand it, the thought that his friends had gone through the aches and pains of being friends with him as teenagers, the way that Sirius had stuck around long enough to deal with them once more, the fact that James and Lily were dead and gone and Prongs would never again be around to crack a joke after the full, the sorrow of having been betrayed by Peter, the reality of the moon hanging over him forever, the four Marauders in their picture, frozen in time, fearless and handsome and seemingly untroubled by life, doomed to die and lie and suffer and still love somehow, in the midst of everything.</p><p>Sirius looked deeply concerned.</p><p>“Moony, hey,” Sirius he said softly. “I got worse from Quidditch. Fuck, I probably got worse from Prongs being a right idiot sometimes. I would’ve Episkey’ed them myself but I left my wand back in the Shack.”</p><p>Remus wiped at his face furiously. “Didn’t they teach you to never travel without a wand?”</p><p>“Well,” Sirius said with an attempt at a waterlogged smirk. “You don’t have a wand. Or clothes for that matter. Which really, we could be taking advantage of, seeing as there’s no one around.”</p><p>“For fuck’s sake, Sirius,” Remus sobbed, and he felt his chest rising and falling painfully. “I could’ve killed you.”</p><p>“What?” Sirius said, knitting his eyebrows together. “Not at all. I’m pretty sure I’ve scratched you worse than this.”</p><p>“Snape was right. I’m a danger,” Remus choked out.</p><p>Sirius carefully sat up, wincing as he did so. He growled and leaned in close to him. “First of all, Snivellus hasn’t been right about a damn thing since he rose from whatever cauldron he was created in. Second, you are no such thing, and you have never been.”</p><p> “I just hate the fact that you’re stuck with me, Sirius,” Remus said, looking up towards the sky and letting the rain wash over his face.</p><p>“No one is stuck with anyone,” Sirius said fervently, and he pressed Remus’s hand in between both of his. In Remus’s rain-blurred vision, he looked like a Monet, little pinpricks of color all rushing together to form a stunning portrait. “I’m in love with you. All of you. And you’re in love with me, and that includes all of me. Even though I’m,” Sirius paused.</p><p>“The most brilliant person I’ve ever known?” Remus offered.</p><p>“No. Even though I’m a traumatized ex-con who spent a whole fucking year on the run,” Sirius blurted out.</p><p>He paused. Remus had never heard Sirius call himself <em>traumatized</em>, and perhaps Sirius had never said it to himself, judging by the startled look on his face. Remus kissed him there under the rain, and was not sure whether the warmth of tears was from his own eyes or Sirius’s. He kissed them away as best as he could.</p><p>“Er…Moony. Maybe you should get your wand and heal this up before anyone gets up and sees us,” Sirius said after a while, reverting easily into carefreeness. “As much as I appreciate seeing all your bits out on this lovely Saturday morning, the good people of Hogsmeade don’t deserve the pleasure.”</p><p>“I can’t just leave you here,” Remus cried out.</p><p>“I’ll be fine,” Sirius said easily. “I’m just lazing on a Sunday afternoon, really.”</p><p>Remus stopped for a moment in a desperate attempts to steady his brain. He realized that his lycanthropy had a single silver – as painful as it was to the touch – lining.</p><p>“<em>Episkey</em>,” he whispered, pressing his hand to Sirius’s chest, and it was as good as new.</p><p>“There we go,” Sirius said easily. Remus seized his arm and kissed it, pressing kisses on Sirius’s wrist, his palm, his painted fingernails. Then, he kissed down to his chest, over where the claws had fallen, over the tattoo. Finally, he leaned back, completely drained of whatever energy he had mustered up. He met Sirius’s gaze. They let the rain pour down on them until a shock of thunder interrupted them.</p><p>“You’re the love of my life, Sirius,” Remus said faintly.</p><p>“And <em>you</em>, Remus, are the greatest thing that’s ever been mine. Now, come on,” Sirius said, helping him to his feet. “Let’s go home.”</p><p> *</p><p>Dressed and dry at last, Remus and Sirius walked slowly through the quiet Saturday morning corridors of Hogwarts. Sirius kept asking Remus if he wouldn’t rather go to Madam Pomfrey to see if she could help with the post-moon exhaustion. Remus kept asking Sirius whether he was truly alright or whether he wouldn’t prefer to go to Madam Pomfrey for the long-faded marks. Both of them kept threatening to snitch and tell Harry if they wouldn’t just <em>listen, please, and go to the Hospital Wing</em>.</p><p>They were so caught up in their petit squabble that they almost did not notice Professor McGonagall dashing up the corridor on the way to Remus’s suite to meet them.</p><p>“Professor McGonagall,” Sirius said, turning up the charm. “What a treat. Happy Saturday.”</p><p>“Black, Lupin,” she said, Remus saw that her face appeared gaunt. “How are you?”</p><p>“We’re fine,” Sirius said. “It was just a little–wait, how would you know about the moon?”</p><p>“I’m afraid I came to find you about a different matter.”</p><p>“What is it?” Remus asked. His heart caught in his throat. “Harry?”</p><p>“Potter’s fine,” Professor McGonagall said, but her voice was tight. “I came to deliver this letter to the two of you and caught you out of the corner of my eye. It just came, and was delivered to me, and well, I got one, too.”</p><p>“From where?” Remus asked quizzically.</p><p>“Azkaban.”</p><p>Sirius recoiled. Remus took his hand tightly.</p><p>“It’s quite alright if the two of you have complicated feelings about it all,” Professor McGonagall said quietly.</p><p>After a moment’s hesitation, she handed Sirius a letter, which he took from her with a shaking hand. He immediately handed it over to Remus. It was addressed to the both of them.</p><p>“What is it?” Sirius demanded, clearly too impatient for Remus to open the envelope, and Remus could sense the fear in his voice.</p><p>“It’s Pettigrew,” Professor McGonagall said, finally. “He’s dead.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Throughout the first half of writing this, I listened to the Zombies' "This Will Be Our Year" on repeat, and couldn't resist sneaking it in - I think it is quite fitting for birthdays, and new beginnings in general. For the second half, I read lots of poetry in between writing. One day, I'll make a playlist of all the songs I listened to and a list of all the random poetry I also read while writing.</p><p>Thanks for all the love, and especially for all the comments!! Stay safe &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>During his first few days at Hogwarts back in 1971, Remus had not been sure what to make of James Potter and Sirius Black, much as James and Sirius had been uncertain about what to make of each other when they had first ended up in the same carriage on the Hogwarts Express. The two of them had danced around each other at first, asking pointed questions here and there about their families. Remus had watched this awkward verbal waltz with a curious expression the whole time, painfully oblivious to the drama that had existed among the upper echelons of the wizarding world for centuries. Peter Pettigrew, noticing his clear discomfort and confusion, had explained it all, sotto voce, as soon as James and Sirius had stepped out of the carriage to get snacks from the trolley witch.</p><p>James Potter, he had explained quickly, was from an incredibly wealthy family whose fortune had stemmed from Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion.</p><p>“<em>What</em> hair potion?” Remus had asked nervously, attempting to remember whether he had ever seen this bottle in a supermarket.</p><p>“Focus, Remus,” Peter had squeaked. “That’s not the point! Anyways, James is a pureblood – you know, full wizarding blood on both sides of his family.”</p><p>“Right,” Remus had replied, remembering his father’s brief explanation of blood purity in the wizarding world and his fierce insistence that he should not allow anyone to treat him differently because of his blood status.</p><p>“But they’re considered these sort of <em>blood traitors</em>, you know, in the wizarding world, because they support Dumbledore and the muggles, and everything. They’re really wonderful, though, Remus, forget what everyone says. I live sort of close to James and we knew each other before Hogwarts. We’re practically best friends,” Peter had said, thrusting his chin in the air proudly.</p><p>“Hm,” Remus had said noncommittally, watching through the carriage windows as Sirius and James leaned against the wall opposite them, waiting for the trolley witch to take the sickles and galleons that had jangled in their pockets for the last hour and a half. They were still staring at each other curiously, like two dogs attempting to sniff each other out.</p><p>“But Sirius’s family,” Peter had whistled, shaking his head, looking sage beyond his years. “They’re bad news.”</p><p>“Are they now?” Remus had asked mildly, watching Sirius, whose eyes had fallen upon him through the wide windows facing the train corridor. Sirius’s dark robes were perfectly tailored, and even Remus, who could not distinguish one fabric from another most of the time, knew that they were made of the finest material. More curiously, his eyes were tempestuously grey. Remus had never seen someone with grey eyes before, and had thought only storybook characters could have truly silver eyes, but here was Sirius Black, proving him wrong for the first of many times.</p><p>“Yeah. The Black family has loads of dark wizards in training,” Peter had said quietly. His face had blanched. “They really like dark magic, really terrifying stuff, really.”</p><p>“What kind of dark magic?”</p><p>“Hexes…jinxes…there’s a rumor that they use it on their kids to discipline them and stuff. Even on Sirius, and his little brother, Regulus.”</p><p>Remus had remembered seeing Sirius with his tall, prim, and very severe-looking mother just when he had leapt onto the Hogwarts Express. They had been accompanied by a slightly younger boy, who must have been Sirius’s brother. He had had a truly sorrowful look pasted on his face.</p><p>“And they all hate muggles in his family. And muggle-borns. Even half-bloods, probably,” Peter had added.</p><p>Remus could not imagine what Sirius and his family would say if they figured out that he had a half-blood werewolf for a roommate, nor did he particularly wish to go down that path. Peter had pressed onwards without a care. “Filthy rich, too. They’re richer than just about any family in Britain, I’d reckon. Dark magic money, probably.”</p><p>Remus had felt immediately self-conscious about his robes, his trunk, even the new shoes that Hope had bought for him at a muggle department store. </p><p>“He’s probably going to end up in Slytherin,” Peter had whispered. “His whole family’s been in Slytherin for generations. I’m hoping for Gryffindor, where James is probably gonna be. How about you? Where do you think you’ll end up?”</p><p>Remus had thought about it for a moment. “Ravenclaw, I’d imagine. My dad was in Ravenclaw. And I really love books, so it sort of fits.”</p><p>“Ravenclaw’s fine too,” Peter had said charitably. “I’d come visit you for sure.” Then, he fell suddenly silent.</p><p>Sirius and James had returned, their arms full of sweets. Sirius spilled some of his onto Remus’s lap.</p><p>“Those are for you,” Sirius said in his high aristocratic voice, meeting Remus’s eyes, and Remus had not known quite what to say. He turned to Peter with a slightly bored look. “And I’d suggest, Pettigrew, that you not gossip on this train. The doors of the carriages are as thin as anything. I’m pretty sure the whole train heard your speculations on my family. Though you might be right – it is all dark magic money, except for my Uncle Alphard. He’s a brilliant scholar.”</p><p>Sirius turned towards the window, crossing his long legs, one over the other.</p><p>Peter flushed. Remus bit into a chocolate frog with some unease. James smiled at all of them and had immediately changed the topic to Quidditch, trying to ease them back into the comforts of light conversation. Peter and James debated whether the Chudley Cannons were bound to be relegated that season, seeing how poorly they had been playing last season. Peter looked terrified that Sirius would decide to hex him the whole time. Remus returned to <em>Anne of Green Gables</em>, which he had brought with him for comfort. He kept the cover of the book firmly in his lap, not willing to invite scrutiny.</p><p>“Is that a muggle book?” Sirius asked curiously after a while, leaning forward so that his long dark hair dangled in Remus’s eyesight.</p><p>“Oh, er, yes,” Remus said sheepishly. “My mum loves it. And she used to read it to me when I was little.”</p><p>Sirius studied him intently. “My parents won’t let me read muggle books. I had a governess for a while who let me, and she taught me some muggle sheet music and everything. Beethoven, I think.”</p><p>“Sounds like a great governess,” James said eagerly.</p><p>“Pity she got fired,” Sirius said aloofly. “I think she moved to America. Lucky her, I’d love to live that far away from…everything. Mind if I borrow your book sometime, Lupin?”</p><p>“Sure,” Remus said. “Be my guest.”</p><p>The rest of the train ride was a blur to Remus. But by the time that Sirius defied generations of his family’s history and was sorted into Gryffindor, Remus defied his own thoughts and was sorted right with him, James fell into his rightful place, and Peter practically fainted with gratitude over being sorted with the other three, it became abundantly clear to anyone in a ten-foot radius that James Potter and Sirius Black had fallen almost seamlessly into a friendship for the ages. Though they invited Remus and Peter, whose family had indeed known James’s before they had both arrived at Hogwarts, to join them as they made plans for how to torment the Slytherins, Remus did not quite feel a kinship with the two of them. Perhaps he had been influenced by Peter’s lore about their family history, or perhaps it was simply the projected worry of not knowing whether he truly belonged there with them. James and Sirius, despite their initial misgivings about each other, were more similar than not, at least from Remus’s perspective. They were both brilliant, talented, and somewhat reckless. Brave and exuberant at the best of times, and impulsive and thoughtless at the worst, they embodied the Gryffindor values so closely that Remus suspected even their professors could not completely fault them. Most of the time during those strange early days at Hogwarts, Remus felt as though he possessed none of these qualities.</p><p>At least Peter felt out of place too. He confessed to feeling like a bit of a fraud a week or so into their time at Hogwarts. As a result of their mutual fretting about their places in Gryffindor, the two of them struck up a close friendship in the shadow of their friendships with James and Sirius. Peter, Remus felt firmly, was far easier to understand. He liked reading comic books, graphic novels and the sort. He enjoyed sweets nearly as much as Remus did. He was also not afraid to make friends with the Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, and Slytherins, though after James had begun teasing him, he had been more quiet about his friendships outside of the friend group that would one day be known as the Marauders. Peter was fond of daydreaming about what life would be like when he was older and out of the shadow of his older sisters, playing Wizarding Chess, and the world of Quidditch, though he was not particularly good at playing any role other than Keeper. He liked fizzing whizbees, the color yellow, and magical creatures of any sort. Remus thought that perhaps Peter would be the first friend who would understand his lycanthropy, one day.</p><p>Fate had it so that the four of them would be bound together, however, not just Peter and Remus on one end and James and Sirius on the other, and over the course of the yawning months of autumn, Remus grew to develop relationships with James and Sirius that would surpass his initial friendship with Peter. Once those original, tentative boundaries of friendship were crossed, the rest was left to history. The Marauders – all four of them – set to work carving names for themselves into the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.</p><p>((This happened quite literally, in some cases. Three months into their first year, Sirius used an enchanted penknife to carve all of their initials into their preferred seats in the Great Hall, ensuring that their names would not be lost to the annals of time. Even by the time that Harry arrived as a student and Remus and Sirius followed as professors, you could still see the faint traces of <em>S.B., R.L., J.P.,</em> and <em>P.P.</em>, forever united, one next to the other, at the Gryffindor table where the four of them would never sit together again.))</p><p>
  <strong>***</strong>
</p><p>Peter was dead now, Remus thought immediately as he woke up from his various naps throughout Saturday, and the four Marauders were now half gone, as they had been in Remus’s mind for the better part of nearly thirteen years. Peter was now dead and a traitor, instead of being dead and a victim. Remus did not know what to make of it. Sirius refused to discuss the topic at all on Saturday, claiming that Remus needed rest after a particularly vicious moon and forcing him to drink the draught that Madam Pomfey had sent for him upon Professor McGonagall’s request. Remus did not have the energy to fight Sirius on this, as he kept falling asleep as soon as he opened his mouth to object. He could feel Sirius lying still next to him – not quite awake, not nearly asleep – the entire day and night.</p><p>Remus finally came to some sort of prolonged consciousness at around mid-day on Sunday afternoon. Sirius was gone, and Remus imagined that he was either having tea with Harry or perhaps had decided to take himself, most likely as Padfoot, out on a walk. He looked around his room with bleary eyes and scrubbed at his face. Remus stretched out on his bed and sifted through the catalogue of strange, fragmented dreams that he had had over the course of the last day and a half. He had dreamt of all sorts of things. Rats, he was almost certain, and at least one hideous Dementor had featured prominently. Sirius had been there, and Peter, and James, and their first trip on the Hogwarts Express. With a sudden twist of his stomach, he suddenly remembered that Peter Pettigrew was dead.</p><p>Professor McGonagall’s face had been grim when she had told them. What was it that she had said? It was okay to have complicated feelings, she had said quietly. <em>Complicated</em> might have been the understatement of the decade.</p><p>Remus did not feel any sense of relief about Peter’s demise. Despite the fact that Peter had betrayed all of them, had led to the deaths of James and Lily, and had framed Sirius for a crime that he might have died in prison for allegedly having performed, Remus could not bring himself to celebrate. Nor could he bring himself to mourn someone who had turned their lives upside down and had led to the deaths of his best friends, two of the greatest people Remus had ever known. What was left to mourn? Peter had been worse than dead, after all, since the summer. He had been kissed by a Dementor, a punishment that Remus had found horrific since the beginning, much like the idea of Azkaban itself. No one thought to study those who had been kissed, though the thin studies that he had read indicated that the kiss of a Dementor left its victim as little more than a fragile, empty shell. The thought was disturbing. Remus recognized the feeling that lurched through him as pity, plain and simple. He imagined Peter’s solitary death and the terrifying year leading up to it. He thought about the dozen years as a rat that Peter had spent in an attempt to escape the truth. He thought about the Order of the Phoenix meetings when Peter must have been collecting information for the Death Eaters and for Voldemort, information that led to Prongs and Lily meeting their untimely ends. And then, he thought about the young blonde boy who had eagerly shared all he knew about the Potter family and the Black family on the Hogwarts Express, who had shared his Honeydukes chocolate, and who had been patient enough to help Remus with Herbology. All of these Peters combined as a single palimpsest, one on top of the other, until Remus was almost dizzy from thinking about it, like he was wearing James’s glasses and seeing fuzzy double vision.</p><p>He did not understand why he and Sirius had received a letter from Azkaban, though. They were not Peter’s kin – he remembered that his mother had still been alive for his trial in June and early July, recalled her picture in <em>The Daily </em>Prophet, felt his heart ache for her crying form as she grieved her son once more. Remus glanced at the nightstand next to him and realized that the letter that Professor McGonagall had given them was still there, untouched and unopened. <em>Sirius Black and Remus Lupin</em>, the letter read, and Remus opened it fully expecting there to be a bureaucratic notice of Peter’s passing. There were two pieces of paper. One, in neatly typewritten font, read:</p><p>
  <em>This letter was found in the possession of Pettigrew, Peter and is being delivered to the intended recipients following his death from natural causes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Regards.</em>
</p><p>To his shock, he unfolded the second letter and found Peter’s writing – a bit scratchier and thinner than it had been once upon a time, but recognizable to any Marauder. Of which, Remus supposed, there were only two left now.</p><p>
  <em>June 1994</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Remus, Sirius, my old friends, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m writing this before the Dementors get to me, or before the trial, or before whatever comes next. I’m scared and I’m sorry and I regret everything. I didn’t mean it but I know that won’t bring James and Lily back or change anything.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius, please forgive me. I regret what happened, and I’m sorry. I was a coward. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Remus, you were one of my first friends at Hogwarts. I’ll remember that forever.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tell Harry I’m grateful he spared my life. He’ll make James proud, I’m sure. And Lily too. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don’t know when you’ll get this letter, but I hope you do someday. And whenever you do, I hope you’re together.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wormtail</em>
</p><p>Remus sat up in bed and read the letter so fixedly that he did not notice Sirius come in, just after the third time that he had re-read it. He was wearing a Gryffindor tee-shirt, his hair swept back in a ponytail.</p><p>“Baby, good, you’re awake,” Sirius said cheerfully. “Harry and I were playing Quidditch. Ron’s a brilliant Keeper on his new broomstick, I’m the one who looks like rubbish now…what are you reading?”</p><p>His voice quickly faded into wariness.</p><p>Remus looked up at Sirius and spoke quietly. “Peter left us a letter.”</p><p>Sirius’s expression turned dark. “How? He was kissed by a Dementor. How could he possibly have enough…of anything left in him to write?”</p><p>“He wrote it last June. They’re just delivering it now.”</p><p>Sirius took the letter out of Remus’s hand and scanned it. His grey eyes hardened.</p><p>“I don’t believe any of this,” Sirius said dismissively, throwing the letter to the floor in a huff. “He was a traitor. That fate would’ve been mine, and he got what was coming to him.”</p><p>“He <em>was</em> a traitor,” Remus said. “But once upon a time, he was our friend, too. And he’s dead.”</p><p>“There is no <em>once upon a time</em> here. Peter betrayed us, was the reason I spent twelve years in prison, was the reason James and Lily died, and now he’s rotting somewhere. You’re not telling me you actually feel <em>bad</em> for him, do you?” Sirius asked, his voice strangely cold.</p><p>Remus threw his hands in the air. “It’s not that I feel bad for him, Sirius, it’s impossible to feel bad for someone who’s the reason why James and Lily are dead and the reason that you suffered so much. But I feel pity for how it all turned out.”</p><p>“He doesn’t deserve your pity. Didn’t, I guess.”</p><p>Remus eyed Sirius warily. “You know, Professor McGonagall said it was alright if we had loads of different feelings about this.”</p><p>“Rubbish. She doesn’t understand what we’ve been through, no one does.”</p><p>“It’s okay to feel angry about what happened, and also–” Remus tried again.</p><p>“Also <em>what</em>?” Sirius asked, and he shook his hair loose of its ponytail. “There’s no reason to feel anything but disgust for someone like that. Maybe if he had actually been offed by Voldemort, then we might have felt some pity for him. But he wasn’t. The bastard lived twelve good years in freedom while James and Lily were dead, I was in Azkaban dealing with the shit that he escaped from, and you were suffering out in muggle London, for crying out loud. Good riddance to him. At least he got kissed by a Dementor and probably didn’t feel anything on his way out. That’s as good as he deserved.”</p><p>Remus stared at Sirius. “You can’t possibly mean that. It’s horrific to be kissed by a Dementor. You can’t believe anyone actually deserves it, even someone who does terrible things.”</p><p>“Maybe not, but if anyone did, then Peter Pettigrew is at the top of that list,” Sirius said flatly. “For what he did to me, and us, and <em>Harry</em>. Think about that, Remus. That rat is the reason that Harry grew up an orphan and stuck with those bloody muggles of his.”</p><p>Remus carefully stepped out of bed, his legs wobbling under him dangerously. Sirius’s eyes grew lighter as he reached out his hand to steady him.</p><p>“I don’t want you to spend your energy thinking about him,” Sirius said softly, carding one hand through Remus’s bed-tousled hair. “I want you to stay in bed and rest. Do you want something? Can I get you something?”</p><p>Remus clutched onto Sirius’s forearms, not sure whether he needed the physical support or the emotional support, or both, to keep going. He met Sirius’s grey eyes, which had turned gentle.</p><p>“Don’t worry,” Remus said. “I’m going to make myself a cuppa.”</p><p>“Let me make one for you,” Sirius offered, as they headed into the living room together.</p><p>There was a moment of silence as Remus sat back on the couch and Sirius immediately heated water and poured it into the charmed cup that he had gifted Remus for his birthday. Remus let the green tea brew itself and blew on it.</p><p>“We should talk to Harry about this,” Remus said tentatively. “You’re right. Peter is, I’m afraid, the reason behind much of Harry’s life circumstances and the tragedy of losing his parents. His trial was all over the newspapers, and I’d imagine that his death will be in the papers by tomorrow, if it isn’t already.”</p><p>Sirius grimaced. “It is. I heard one of the Ravenclaws, Henry something or other, talking about it on the grounds on my way back with Harry.”</p><p>“So did you talk about it, then?” Remus asked. “With Harry?”</p><p>Sirius frowned. “No. Harry doesn’t need to talk about all of that.”</p><p>Feeling an uncanny sense of déjà vu, Remus exhaled sharply.</p><p>“It’s worth having the space for him to talk about it, isn’t it? Remember Halloween, and that whole discussion that we had?” Remus reminded him.</p><p>“And he didn’t want to talk about James and Lily in the end,” Sirius objected.</p><p>“But he was grateful that we opened the <em>door</em>, Sirius, we don’t want him to think that we’re just blowing past it as if nothing happened,” Remus argued.</p><p>Sirius crossed his arms over his chest. “So what, you what to drag him in here to talk about Peter Pettigrew? We can’t reminisce about him in the way we wax nostalgic about James and Lily, you know. Why would we grieve him? Why would Harry?”</p><p>“No one’s saying anything about grieving. But don’t you want to at least get a sense of what Harry wants – <em>and needs</em> – from us? Peter’s betrayal eventually led to Voldemort being defeated, and they’re bound to talk about that in the press. We might as well get ahead of it before Harry has to face the likes of Draco Malfoy or someone saying something terrible to him. Unfortunately, Sirius, this is not a private story that rests between the two of us and that’s all. This is a story that’s going to be in the papers for a bit.”</p><p>Sirius slammed his palm down on the kitchen countertop. “I’m tired of my life being in the fucking news every damn day.”</p><p>“Well this isn’t about you,” Remus said harshly, wrapping his cardigan more tightly around himself. “It’s about Harry.”</p><p>“Are you sure this isn’t about you? Are you really letting that stupid letter from Peter get to you?” Sirius demanded.</p><p>Remus narrowed his eyes. “Why would the letter have anything to do with this conversation?”</p><p>“Because you were practically crying about it!” Sirius shouted. “I just can’t believe you’d have any sort of remorse for him after what he did.”</p><p>Remus felt like his throat was on fire. “I had remorse for you, Sirius, even when I thought <em>you</em> were the traitor! I cried for you for a dozen years even when I thought you were the reason all my friends were dead. I would have begged for them to shut Azkaban down if anyone would have listened to a bloody werewolf. If they had tried…<em>even tried</em>…to sic the Dementors on you, I would have tried to burn the place down first!”</p><p>Sirius choked out the words. “But that’s you and me, that’s different. You’re the love of my life, Remus. I would’ve felt the same for <em>you</em>. I would’ve done that for <em>you</em>, even if you had actually betrayed all of us. Not for him. Not for that scum.”</p><p>“Peter was a Marauder too,” Remus said, his voice cracking. “That’s why this is all so terrible, Sirius. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t see the tragedy in all of it.”</p><p>“You would’ve killed him alongside me that night in the Shack, if Harry hadn’t stepped in,” Sirius said. “Just as coldly as I would have, remember that?”</p><p>Remus remembered. He remembered the adrenaline coursing through him and the cold fury that had swept around them as though it had been yesterday.</p><p>“And then we would’ve been killers too, wouldn’t we?” Remus replied scathingly. “Harry was right. James wouldn’t have wanted that.”</p><p>“Well we don’t know what James would’ve wanted, because he’s dead,” Sirius said bitterly. “No thanks to Peter bloody Pettigrew.”</p><p>“I miss him too, Sirius, I miss James like mad,” Remus said, standing up, and now he really was crying about it, feeling stupid. “James and Lily were my dearest friends. They meant so much to me. They <em>mean</em> so much to me I can’t bear it sometimes.”</p><p>Sirius visibly softened, and enveloped Remus in a tight embrace. He peppered kisses on his cheeks, his forehead, his throat, just next to his lips, and wiped the tears away with his still-calloused fingers. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to argue about this.”</p><p>“I don’t want to fight about this either,” Remus said, his throat feeling very tight. “I’m sorry, too. I just feel as though – our own personal feelings aside – we’re doing Harry a disservice by not mentioning this at all.”</p><p>Sirius rocked back and forth on his heels, leaning his head against Remus’s shoulder as he thought.</p><p>“Fine,” Sirius said, sounding not at all convinced. “Maybe you’re right. Harry should have the space to have this conversation.”</p><p>“Really?” Remus asked.</p><p>Sirius’s voice was pained. “But I’m not going to be here for this conversation, Moony. I can’t. Okay? I’m sorry. I just can’t do this right now. Thinking about Peter…talking about him…reminds me so much, <em>so much</em>, about everything. I can’t do it.”</p><p>Remus stepped back to appraise him. Sirius looked as though he could burst right there, like Fawkes the phoenix before transforming. Remus could not bring himself to press on him while the wire was still hot.</p><p>“If that’s what you need, okay. But I’m having this conversation with him now, before the news spreads even more.”</p><p>Sirius nodded somberly. “Right.”</p><p>Remus thought hard about Sirius, and how he loved him, and how they had each other at the end of a dark, terrible day, and cast his Patronus, sending it off to find Harry in Gryffindor Tower. Padfoot scampered off enthusiastically. Sirius smiled faintly at the Patronus. Within a few minutes, Harry’s stag burst through the door.</p><p>“I’ll be there in a minute. I’m arguing with Ron about the Cannons, and he’s being a git.”</p><p>Sirius looked over his shoulder at the clock on Remus’s wall. “I’ll be back in a hour, okay? Tell Harry I’m off at Honeydukes buying you chocolate.”</p><p>“Okay. Where will you actually be?” Remus asked.</p><p>Sirius smiled at him. “At Honeydukes, buying you chocolate.”</p><p>Remus smiled back at him. Then he pulled him in, and kissed him hard.</p><p>“You’re too good for me,” Remus said, holding Sirius’s beautiful face in his hands.</p><p>“Oh Moony,” Sirius said, kissing the inside of Remus’s wrist tenderly. “I don’t even have time to explain to you how bloody wrong you are.”</p><p>By the time that Harry arrived a few minutes later, Remus had set up a cream tea and was busy trying to deflate the last of his birthday balloons so as not to have a ridiculous-looking setting behind him for what was in fact a rather serious conversation. Harry grinned at him as he sat down and immediately helped himself to a chocolate chip scone.</p><p>“How was the full? Sirius says it was a bit of a rough one since Snape was being a...er…a git. He said git. Nothing worse than that, promise.”</p><p>Remus smiled wryly as he popped one last balloon. “It was, I’m afraid. But we’re here, and we survived. How was Quidditch?”</p><p>Harry’s green eyes glittered. “Excellent. Ron and I are in tip-top shape for our game against Slytherin at the beginning of May, you know. Malfoy’s gonna have no idea what hit him. We’ve been practicing all the time, and it’s going to be brilliant.”</p><p>“When’s the game?”</p><p>“The sixth. Last game of the Quidditch season, Remus,” Harry said excitedly. “You’ll be there, won’t you?”</p><p>“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Remus grinned. “You’ll have to stop your godfather from running onto the field if you win though. He might try to burn a Gryffindor lion into the grass.”</p><p>Harry laughed. “You say that like he’s done it before.”</p><p>Remus laughed as well. “I seem to recall him doing this at least once in first year, and then, if my memory serves me correct, in our last year as well.”</p><p>Harry looked admiring. “It’s a wicked idea. Since Dean knows how to draw the best out of all of us, maybe he can…”</p><p>His voice drifted under Remus’s arched eyebrows.</p><p>“Or maybe not,” Harry said hastily.</p><p>“You might think of lighting some Gryffindor sparklers if you win,” Remus said absentmindedly. “Just off the Astronomy Tower, about twelve red and gold ones should do the trick and go around the whole school. It’d last longer and more people would see it.”</p><p>Harry looked like he was tempted to write it all down. “Right. Twelve, you say?”</p><p>“I can’t imagine I’ve said anything,” Remus said mildly.</p><p>“Course not,” Harry said proudly. “You haven’t said a single thing, Professor Lupin.”</p><p>“How are classes?” Remus asked.</p><p>Harry made a face. “Potions is rubbish. Snape keeps taking off points for things like breathing too loud.”</p><p>Remus frowned. “Now, that can’t be right. I’ll speak to Severus if he’s actually doing that.”</p><p>Harry looked mildly embarrassed. “Well, it might have been because Ron was breathing right in Malfoy’s face after eating a cockroach cluster.”</p><p>“Ah,” Remus said, “so that might shed a little more color on the situation.”</p><p>“But the rest of it is fine, I guess,” Harry shrugged. “I won’t ever be top of the class like Hermione, but I reckon I’ll do alright. Your class is my favorite.”</p><p>Remus beamed. “You don’t have to say that.”</p><p>Harry grinned. “But it’s true. Defense Against the Dark Arts is loads better than most of my other classes, and at least a little better than the rest of them. I was thinking…er, it sounds kind of stupid when I say it, actually.”</p><p>“You can say whatever you’d like,” Remus replied lightly.</p><p>Harry looked as excited as he had been about Quidditch just a few moments earlier. “Well, we started off talking about what we might want to do when we’re older the other day, just as sort of jokes, you know, except I said that I might want to be a Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.” Harry became serious. “But you know, I wouldn’t want to take your job, Remus.”</p><p>Remus threw his head back and laughed. “I think you’d be brilliant at it, Harry. And don’t worry, all of us have to retire at some point, you know. Sirius and I will retire in some cottage by the lakes eventually.”</p><p>The flippant remark made Remus smile. Even the thought of growing older seemed more pleasant with Sirius by his side.</p><p>Harry snorted. “I can’t imagine Sirius ever retiring.” Then he paused for a minute. “Is he really only staying for one year?”</p><p>Remus gave him a sad smile. “I’m afraid so. Professor Flitwick is returning in the fall, and Hogwarts only has one professor per subject.”</p><p>Harry looked downcast. “I don’t want him to leave. It’s kind of nice having him here and stuff, even when he’s being embarrassing. Not that I don’t like having you here too.”</p><p>“I know,” Remus said quietly. “I don’t want him to go either. But if you can keep a secret, Harry, he’s thinking of buying a house in Hogsmeade after this is all over.”</p><p>Harry looked interested. “Really? He’d sell Grimmauld Place?”</p><p>Remus thought about it. Certainly, Sirius was wealthy enough to own two homes if he wished, though they had not discussed it.</p><p>“Perhaps,” Remus said finally. “Depends on his fancy, I suppose.”</p><p>“Right,” Harry said. “It’d be brilliant to have him nearby, too, then. He could get me out of classes and stuff!”</p><p>Remus gave him a funny look. Harry looked chastened.</p><p>“Not yours, of course,” Harry said immediately. Remus smiled.</p><p>“Look, Harry,” Remus said after a moment. “I wanted to have tea with you because, one, I care about you and love talking to you, but two, I wanted to talk to you about Peter Pettigrew.”</p><p>Harry’s face slipped into consternation. He looked wise beyond his years. “He’s dead. Hermione gets <em>The Prophet</em> every day and she told me.” </p><p>Remus nodded. “He is. And I wanted to know if you wanted to talk about it.”</p><p>Harry thought about it. “It’s weird, you know. I feel like part of me wants to be happy that he’s gone and not going to escape or anything, because he’s the reason Voldemort killed my mum and dad, and Sirius was in Azkaban for so long, of course, and I’m feeling like there’s some sort of…I don’t know…good here? And the other part of me just feels <em>sorry</em>, you know, because getting kissed by a Dementor and stuff sounds awful. But mostly I feel worried.”</p><p>Remus frowned. “Why do you feel worried? Do you need anything, Harry?”</p><p>Harry looked like he was struggling to find the right words. “Because he was your friend, right? And Sirius’s, too? And you found out he betrayed you and Sirius didn't do it and then he died in all under a year. That must be weird.”</p><p>Not for the first time, Remus was speechless at the seemingly limitless capacity for empathy that Harry James Potter had developed against all the odds. He wanted to lunge across the table and hold him tightly, and perhaps never let him go.</p><p>“Thank you, Harry,” Remus choked out. “Those are…very wise words. And you know it makes sense to feel a lot about it all.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Harry said uneasily. He looked down. “You know, I feel bad saying it because you and Sirius are brilliant and all but…I really miss my mum and dad sometimes.”</p><p>Remus leaned over and hugged Harry for real this time. “It’s alright to miss them. You can miss them however much you want even if we’re here. I miss them all the time.”</p><p>“But it’s okay to be sad about it? Even after all these years?” Harry asked quietly. “Even when you have Sirius?”</p><p>“Absolutely,” Remus said encouragingly. “You can feel however you’d like about it. All your feelings are valid, Harry, even the ones that you may not completely understand. Our emotions are complex things. We’re complex people. And even if you have us, or your friends, it’s completely natural to miss your parents.”</p><p>Harry smiled at him wanly. “Thanks, Remus.”</p><p>“Any time, Harry.”</p><p>Sirius walked through the door a moment later, scanning their faces anxiously for some sort of sign. Remus nodded surreptitiously at him, and he grinned at them in return. His arms were full of the finest chocolates from Honeydukes.</p><p>“The selection today was incredible, Moony,” he said, offering Harry a bar of chocolate and ruffling his hair in one fluid motion. “They said they’re opening a new shop in Diagon Alley next month. I was thinking we can visit it over the spring holidays. They’re going to have all these imported new chocolates there.”</p><p>“That sounds good,” Remus said, swallowing a bite of his own chocolate bar. “What do you think, Harry?”</p><p>Harry’s expression was furrowed. Remus put a hand on his shoulder with concern.</p><p>“Is everything alright?” Remus asked. Sirius leaned in and studied Harry’s face.</p><p>“Er,” Harry said slowly. “I didn’t know how to tell you this, but I reckon this is fine, since we’re three weeks away from break. I think I want to stay here for the holidays.”</p><p>Sirius blinked at him. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“Well, Ron’s staying, and Hermione’s staying, and we’re going to practice Quidditch and even maybe study somewhat, and there’s a trip to Hogsmeade over the holidays, so I thought I might stay.”</p><p>Sirius looked dejected. “But they can come with us and stay with us in London, I’m sure the Grangers and Weasleys wouldn’t mind. And we can practice Quidditch at Grimmauld Place, and even stop by Hogsmeade on the way there if you want, we can Apparate from the edge of it instead of Floo.”</p><p>Harry met his godfather’s eyes apologetically. “Sorry, Sirius. Sorry, Remus.”</p><p>“That’s quite alright, Harry,” Remus said, fighting his own sting of disappointment. “It makes perfect sense that you’d want to stay here for the holidays. And I think it’s very responsible to start studying for exams.”</p><p>“Do you want us to stay too, then? We can if you want,” Sirius offered immediately. “The moon is split in the middle of the break, so we could leave just for those days, and then come back.”</p><p>“No,” Harry said quickly. “Not necessary, really.”</p><p>“Are you embarrassed of us?” Sirius asked dramatically. “My own godson, I can’t believe it. Moony, what do you make of this? Reckon Harry has a hot springtime date?”</p><p>“<em>Sirius</em>,” Harry and Remus complained at the same time.</p><p>“Fine,” Sirius said, splaying on the couch and nearly onto Remus’s lap. “We understand when we’re not wanted. But you’ll miss Tonks’s birthday party.”</p><p>“Are we still going to that?” Remus asked mildly.</p><p>“Absolutely,” Sirius said brightly. “We deserve an outing into London society.”</p><p>Remus remembered the shadow of the press and rather rude questions that had followed them the last time they had been out and about in London society, but kept his mouth shut for Harry’s sake. Besides, if Sirius wanted to do it, Remus could certainly stomach a few questions for reporters for his sake.</p><p>“So you won’t mind then, if I stay here?” Harry asked cheerfully.</p><p>“Not at all,” Remus said, before Sirius could pile on the drama. “We support you with whatever it is that you do.”</p><p>“Excellent,” Harry said, looking relieved. He looked at the clock. “It’s nearly time to meet Ron and Hermione for dinner. I’m sure I’ll see the two of you down there. Thanks for the er, tea, Remus.”</p><p>“My pleasure,” Remus smiled.</p><p>“Don’t get up to too much mischief,” Sirius called after Harry. He then turned to Remus.</p><p>“Can you believe he wants space from us?”</p><p>He had a dejected, puppylike look on his face that seemed more Padfoot than Sirius.</p><p>Remus snorted. “It can’t be easy having both of us on the grounds with him all the time. He’s probably used to a little more freedom.”</p><p>“Freedom?” Sirius asked. “We have all the freedom we need right here.”</p><p>After a moment, Sirius spoke again with an attempt at nonchalance. He leaned over and put his arm around Remus. “The conversation was good?”</p><p>“Oh yes,” Remus said, sipping at his tea. “He was worried about us instead.”</p><p>“Was he? He’s bloody wonderful, isn’t he, our Harry? He needn’t worry about us. We took the news quite well, all things considered,” Sirius said lightly.</p><p>Remus met his eyes.</p><p>“I don’t think that’s quite true,” Remus murmured.</p><p>There was a brief moment of silence.</p><p>“Just let me have this, would you, Moony?” Sirius asked quietly. Remus took Sirius’s other hand, brushing the back of it against his cheek. He settled back against Sirius’s chest and thought. </p><p>After a moment, Remus tilted his head back and murmured his words in Sirius's throat. “I think we should talk more about all of this. I want you to feel like you can talk about it with me. But if you don’t feel like you can, maybe not right now.”</p><p>Sirius perched his chin on top of Remus’s head. “Maybe.”</p><p>Remus was about to respond, when yet another Patronus – this one familiar, though much less appreciated, burst through the door. </p><p>“We really need to charm that door to be Patronus-proof, except for our own and Harry’s,” Sirius complained, his eyes set on Dumbledore’s phoenix. Dumbledore’s firm, insistent voice came out through the phantom Fawkes’s mouth.</p><p>“Remus, Sirius, I’m away on Ministry business but would like to speak to you next Monday, the twenty-seventh, for a short conversation.”</p><p>“Well, that didn’t take long,” Remus sighed.</p><p>The phoenix burst into wisps suddenly, leaving the two of them alone with their thoughts.</p><p>Sirius eyed Remus. “You did Arithmancy back in the day. What are the chances that this is actually a short conversation?”</p><p>Remus summoned a bottle of wine from his cupboard, uncorked it, and poured a glass for himself and Sirius in empty teacups.</p><p>“None.”</p><p>***</p><p>“Let us get to the heart of this conversation, shall we?” Dumbledore asked, just moments after Remus and Sirius had ascended to his office. “It seems that Mister Pettigrew is unfortunately no longer with us.”</p><p>Remus and Sirius exchanged uncomfortable glances.</p><p>“<em>Unfortunately</em> is a strong word,” Sirius said, and his clasp around Remus’s fingers tightened somewhat.</p><p>“It is, in any case, unfortunate that neither of you was able to go to Azkaban and discover anything of value from him prior to his passing,” Dumbledore said, studying both of them with his steady blue eyes.</p><p>“Perhaps from your perspective,” Remus said plainly. “Though we were adamant that we did not plan to go in any occasion.”</p><p>“Yes, I do seem to recall our previous conversation quite well,” Dumbledore sighed, steepling his hands together. “I had rather hoped that you would change your minds.”</p><p>“You knew we wouldn’t,” Remus replied.</p><p>“What’s the point in bringing us in here?” Sirius asked heatedly. “To scold us for not doing your bidding? To look at our own memories in your stupid Pensieve?”</p><p>Dumbledore looked at Remus, then at Sirius, and then sat back in his chair.</p><p>“No,” Dumbledore said, sounding grave. “I wanted to apologize.”</p><p>Remus felt the heat of surprise course through him. He would have been less surprised if Dumbledore had decided to start speaking Mermish. “Pardon me?”</p><p>“I wanted to apologize. You see, I have not been completely honest with both of you,” Dumbledore said with a pinched expression.</p><p>“That’s a surprise,” Sirius said loudly, and from a short distance, the portrait of his ancestor Phineas Nigellus urged him to shush with a string of antique curse words. “Can’t imagine you not being honest with us. I’m shocked, honestly.”</p><p>“I must admit that I did not want you to go to Peter to figure out how to stop Lord Voldemort or someone like him from rising in the future,” Dumbledore said calmly. “I may have exaggerated the possibility of danger more than it actually exists.”</p><p>“So we’re safe, then?” Sirius asked, with palpable relief.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Then what could have possibly made you want us to go?” Remus asked, knitting his eyebrows together.</p><p>Dumbledore’s years all seemed to have fallen upon him suddenly, as he looked suddenly more wizened than he had when they had walked through his doors.</p><p>“Regret.”</p><p>“Regret,” Remus repeated flatly.</p><p>“Yes, Remus, regret. I’ve been trying to ask myself for fifteen years how I might have missed the signs, here at Hogwarts when Tom Riddle was a student, the day when he came to ask me for a teaching post…how I might have prevented the rise of Lord Voldemort…how I may have kept all of this from happening to Lily Evans and James Potter, among others, of course. Peter Pettigrew was in many ways the missing link – the closest connection to the two of them, who perhaps could’ve illuminated what I had missed along the way, and the downfall of Voldemort…how I failed some of my brightest students,” Dumbledore said, and the sorrow in his voice was unmistakable.</p><p>Sirius looked furious. “You wanted to send me…and Remus…back to Azkaban to appease your vanity?”</p><p>Remus expected Dumbledore to deny it all, or at the very least, to explain himself further with the circumlocution that Remus had come to expect from Albus Dumbledore.</p><p>“Yes,” Dumbledore said simply. “It was the narcissism of an old man who wished to know what he might have done better. The desire of a Headmaster to know how he failed the school that he purported to serve.”</p><p>There was a pause. When Remus spoke, it was with a voice that shook.</p><p>“And what compelled you to tell us this, at long last?”</p><p>“Since Voldemort’s demise, members of the Ministry have been compiling oral histories of people…house-elves…centaurs…really, anyone who may have been connected to Voldemort in the First Wizarding War. For the sake of the annals of history, you understand, and recording who were the heroes, the villains, of this turbulent chapter of history. I suggested that we escalate it, of course, after Harry faced Voldemort twice during his time here, for both the sake of history, perhaps as Sirius mentioned, for the sake of my vanity, and perhaps in case there was some shadow of danger lurking ahead. After conversations with the Ministry, I remain cautiously optimistic that Voldemort has truly been stopped. Yet I continued with this project, because I was keen on finding some missing piece or way that I might have stopped all of this. After the Yule Ball, I spoke to Igor Karkoroff of Durmstrang, who was also interviewed by the Ministry. And I came to realize with urgency that Mr. Pettigrew’s testimony would be very helpful indeed. It still would have been. But now that he is dead, I thought I’d be honest about my propositions. Of course, I’d very much like to speak to Harry about this project someday. Or with the two of you.”</p><p>“No,” Remus said firmly, his voice growing louder. “You’ll do no such thing. He can decide if wants to talk when he’s of age. And even then, he might not want to talk.”</p><p>“And we certainly don’t want to,” Sirius said scornfully.</p><p>Dumbledore nodded. “I respect your wishes.”</p><p>“At long last,” Sirius said coldly.</p><p>“Is that all?” Remus asked, standing up. Sirius stood up next to him and took his hand. Remus reveled in the coolness of Sirius’s engagement band against his very warm fingers, the carvings of the moon and the stars brushing against him in all their celestial glory. Dumbledore looked at them for a long moment, as though he were seeing their pasts, or perhaps his own.</p><p>“May we leave?” Remus repeated after several moments, not quite rude, and not exactly polite.</p><p>“Of course. I hope that your springtime holiday break is enjoyable. Professor McGonagall mentioned that you’ll be returning to London for the holidays. I too, could use some time away.”</p><p>Dumbledore stood and watched the crystals of sand fall in the hourglass in his office. He looked terribly aged.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You might note that the chapter count increased by 1. As much as I wanted to keep this story at a nice, round number like 20, there are some things that need just a little bit more time, and a few more words, to be fleshed out as they should be, and still leave enough room for the fluff we all love. </p><p>Thanks for the comments - they really keep me going!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Surprise: I'm updating slightly ahead of my normal schedule, mostly because I am very close to finishing the last chapter of this story and I can't see a good reason to sit on this chapter!</p><p>Some angst ahead - proceed with caution! Thanks for reading, commenting, etc. Stay safe &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tonks’s birthday party was scheduled for Saturday, the eighth of April, their first full day off for the spring holidays. The very welcome holiday followed what had been two pummeling, frazzled weeks of nonstop grading and teaching for both Remus and Sirius. In preparation for O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s, as well as ordinary but nonetheless exhausting final exams, the professors of Hogwarts had been forced to assign more homework than ever. This meant that Remus and Sirius spent many of the evenings that they normally would have spent roaming around Hogsmeade (or making eyes at one another, or debating whether <em>The Works</em> or <em>The Game</em> was the better Queen album, or all of the above) grading paper after paper. Remus, who had worked diligently the entire year to ensure that his students had comprehensive feedback on every assignment, found himself having to cut corners to get their homework back to them on time so that they could revise before exams. Sirius was constantly irritated by the small mountain of parchment scrolls that seemed to have collected in his office overnight, and took to simply vanishing them on occasion and arguing with Remus that he'd get to them at some point before the end of June. Needless to say, both were looking forward to a spot of vacation time.</p><p>In advance of Tonks’s birthday, Remus and Sirius had decided to return to 12 Grimmauld Place early and on time, which meant of course that they were running terribly late for no good reason. Before they left, they had reminded Harry ad nauseum that he should reach out to them by compact mirror or by Hedwig immediately, should he need them for anything at all, or if he feltl ill, <em>or</em> if he just wanted to talk to them about the weather. Harry had complained about their incessant worrying, and Hermione had promised both of them multiple times that she would be the voice of reason if he and Ron got up to too much trouble. Still, despite Harry’s objections, Remus could have sworn that he had seen Harry’s brief flicker of delight at being fussed over by the two of them.</p><p>“Do you think he’ll be okay?” Sirius asked, his forehead creasing as they walked through Hogsmeade, lugging their overnight bags with them. They were dangerously late now, having stopped by Honeydukes for thick bars of chocolate for Remus (Sirius had insisted), and then Zonko’s for a box of curious, tricky board games as a birthday present for Tonks (Remus had been adamant that they not show up at Andromeda’s home empty-handed), and then to Honeydukes once more to get an extra present for Ted and Andromeda. They walked to the edges of Hogsmeade to Apparate back to London. </p><p>Remus smiled. “Harry’s fourteen, nearly fifteen. I think he deserves a little bit of space from the two of us, don’t you think?”</p><p>“No,” Sirius said stubbornly. He readjusted the lapels of his leather jacket. “Like I said a couple of weeks ago, who needs space?”</p><p>“Ah,” Remus said sagely. “I think your fourteen-year-old self would have argued viciously with you about that. I’m sure what you wanted the most at fourteen was freedom.”</p><p>“What I wanted the most at fourteen was <em>you</em>, Moony,” Sirius said with a devilish grin.</p><p>“Oh, enough of you.”</p><p>Sirius sighed dramatically. “I wish he would’ve come with us, though. He and Tonks would get along swimmingly. They can talk about how much they <em>love</em> you, especially Tonks.” He made exaggerated kissing noises in Remus’s ear.</p><p>Remus batted him away. “I don’t think Tonks fancies me.”</p><p>“Right,” Sirius said, slightly suspiciously.</p><p>“There’s always the summer,” Remus suggested hastily. “I’m sure their paths will cross again at some point.”</p><p>Sirius cheered up slightly. “You’re right. Lots of events to plan this summer, Moony.”</p><p>“Like Harry’s birthday,” Remus offered.</p><p>“Like our wedding,” Sirius said at the same time.</p><p>They grinned at each other affectionately, and Sirius wiggled his hand out of the strap of his suitcase, balancing it unsteadily with his other hand, so that he could take Remus’s.</p><p>“I didn’t know you wanted a shotgun wedding,” Remus said dryly. “Are you trying to make me a blushing June bride?”</p><p>Sirius gave him a shameless once-over. “I’m just trying to get you into bed. Being complete traditionalists, of course, we've obviously been waiting until marriage this entire time. Bet you’re good in bed, though. I just get the feeling, <i>somehow</i>.”</p><p>“Very funny,” Remus smirked. Sirius looked bright as ever despite the tepid April sunshine, and Remus could almost see Padfoot’s fluffy, black tail wagging heartily. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”</p><p>“I’m counting down the days,” Sirius teased.</p><p>Remus grinned. “Aren’t you purebloods all about long engagements, though? And also, repression? Aren’t we supposed to take engagement portraits and send them out to three hundred of our closest friends? Am I supposed to not see you for six weeks beforehand and just send you long and increasingly dramatic correspondence about my intentions?”</p><p>“Do you want to?” Sirius asked, stopping short as they reached the fringes of Hogsmeade.</p><p>“Send you long letters? It’d look a little strange, don’t you think?” Remus asked mildly.</p><p>Sirius laughed. “No, I mean the photographs. We could do that. I could pay Colin Creevey to do it…Really, it might not be the worst thing for us to have an actual portrait of the two of us together. I might even let you replace one of the pictures of me sitting on your desk.”</p><p>“You’re too pretty,” Remus objected. “You make me look bad.”</p><p>Sirius, having the benefit of an extra inch or two thanks to his platform boots, leaned forward and kissed him, letting the packages drop carelessly to the ground. For a moment, Remus was tempted to call the whole excursion off and just stay there, snogging each other senseless, arms wrapped around each other as though they were holding on for dear life, fingers in each other’s hair. Finally, Remus took a step back and surveyed Sirius, who had a crooked smile on his face and whose hair looked as though he had been through a brief but ecstatic windstorm.</p><p>“You make me good,” Sirius said simply, and he stepped forward to trace Remus’s jawline. Remus closed his eyes. "And you're devilishly handsome, you know."</p><p>“How late are we right now, Sirius?” Remus mumbled.</p><p>“Extremely,” Sirius said without missing a beat, picking up the boxes that he had let tumble to the ground.</p><p>Remus checked his wristwatch and sighed hopelessly. “Alright, remember. We don’t have time to lounge around Grimmauld Place when we get there. Just toss your bags in, take Tonks’s presents out, and then straight on to Andromeda’s house.”</p><p>“Whatever you say, Moony,” Sirius smiled, taking his arm, and with a jerky, slightly nauseating motion, they Apparated to the curb in front of Grimmauld Place.</p><p>Remus looked up dazedly at the grey, stony place that had housed them for a summer that Remus had never expected to happen and parts of which were already being lost to the milky tendrils of memory.</p><p>So much had changed since last September First, when Remus had last been at Grimmauld Place. Harry was nearly another year older, and another year closer to both of them. Remus and Sirius had confessed their love for one another, gotten back together, and had gotten engaged. The students of Hogwarts not only knew about their relationship, but argued among each other to determine who should get invitations to a wedding that neither he nor Sirius had yet begun planning. They had stood up to Snape, and to Dumbledore, and to furious parents and guardians alike, and come out holding hands on the other end of it. They had battled Dementor-Boggarts in closets, and grappled with Peter’s death (somewhat, at least), and adopted Dean Thomas, and Luna Lovegood, and a number of students who had quietly come out to Remus as gay or trans or queer over the last several months, conversations that Sirius knew were happening but which he never pressed him on out of respect for their students, other than to ask whether they had adopted anyone else into their little family. Yes, he and Sirius had built an entire life together in the Scottish Highlands over the last eight months. Remus felt like a different person than the man who had last been here in September. He felt braver, somehow, wiser (somewhat, anyways), and a good deal more loved. Time had changed him, even while he had been unable to trace time with all of its looping, terrible, brilliant twists.</p><p>And still, in the midst of all of this change, Grimmauld Place remained the same. In fact, the place looked even draftier and statelier than Remus remembered, despite the cheerful, colorful curtains that Sirius had put up with Griselda’s help. They were exactly the same plum-colored shade as his curtains back in his living quarters at Hogwarts, and it was with a dull pang in his chest that Remus remembered that Sirius would not have that suite after the year was done. His curtains would be torn down, no doubt. He noticed the sudden frown on Sirius’s face and took his hand, swinging it gently, squeezing Tonks’s present under the other arm.</p><p>“Are you alright?”</p><p>“I forgot what it was like to be back here,” Sirius remarked shortly, shaking his head. “Seeing as we saw the inside of it almost the whole summer. It's...it's a lot.”</p><p>“My disgraced son returns,” Walburga Black hissed, as soon as they walked through the door. “And his half-breed companion as well. A disgrace in his own right, I suppose.”</p><p>“Didn’t we have you replaced?” Sirius sneered at the portrait, throwing his bag and Remus’s onto the vibrant carpet. “I could’ve sworn I left a picture of Freddie Mercury there, didn’t I, Moony?”</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus said, knowing how Walburga Black could set Sirius off like no one else could. Already, Sirius was looking like he was itching for a fight. “We’re already late for the party.”</p><p>“Kreacher cares for me more than you ever did,” Walburga said frostily, watching Sirius. “He took the cloth off me and put me back up in my rightful place as soon as you went off to work for that…<em>muggle-lover</em>, Dumbledore. Worse than a mudblood, you are.”</p><p>“I’m going to order Kreacher to take you back down, and you can rot in your portrait for all eternity,” Sirius said with a cold smile, stepping up close to his mother’s face. He brought Remus with him, clutching his hand tightly. “Lucky for you, these portraits can’t be burned, or removed from this blasted house. Otherwise, I’d set the whole house on fire if I had to, to get rid of you.”</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus repeated. “It’s not worth it, come on.”</p><p>“How <em>dare</em> you?” Walburga shouted shrilly, and Remus flinched as he recalled the Howlers that had been sent to Sirius at Hogwarts what now seemed like a lifetime ago. “You come in here, sully our family’s name with your blood-traitor and Dark Creature friends, end up in <em>Azkaban</em>…”</p><p>“I’m sure you would’ve been fine with it if I had been like Bellatrix, right? In Azkaban for supporting Voldemort and using dark magic on innocent people?” Sirius smiled thinly. “Would that have been alright?”</p><p>“You have the audacity to stand there and look pleased about it all? What would Regulus say, Sirius? Your brother would have been–”</p><p>With a sudden, swift movement, Sirius turned Remus’s jaw so that he could kiss him, sticking his tongue almost obscenely into his mouth. Walburga sounded as though she were on the brink of a conniption – should portraits be allowed to go into cardiac arrest, Remus supposed, she would have been at St. Mungo’s by now. Sirius pressed him into the wall right next to the large, heavy picture frame, hands everywhere, teeth replacing hands shamelessly. By the time Sirius finally let go of him for air and smiled at him proudly, Remus felt almost blissfully air-deprived.</p><p>Remus glanced briefly at Walburga’s picture. Her portrait seemed to have become jaundiced, as though it had suffered a shoddy reconstruction process. There was a moment of silence as mother and son eyed each other. Remus could not tell who hated whom more.</p><p>“You’re a disgrace to your family name, Sirius Orion Black,” Walburga said in a deadly voice.</p><p>Sirius gave her a crooked, brilliant smile. “It’s Sirius Lupin to you, bitch.”</p><p>*</p><p>Remus felt very warm indeed after their hike from Hogwarts to Hogsmeade to 12 Grimmauld Place, and finally, to the cozy, brick house in West Sussex where Andromeda, Ted, and Tonks lived. They arrived just after one-thirty, to a house that was fairly crowded with people and decorated with sprays of flowers that kept changing color. Bowie’s <em>Modern Love</em> played in the back, a riot of noise. Over a sea of heads, Remus could see the familiar figures of Mad-Eye Moody, Hestia Jones, Kingsley Shacklebolt, and a few other Aurors that he recognized by face, if not by name. After being surrounded by the same faces day after day for eight months, not to mention an entire summer essentially seeing only Harry and Sirius, Remus was surprised that there were so many people that he did not recognize. He supposed that Tonks had not overlapped with them in school at all, and these must all have been later Hogwarts graduates. It made Remus feel suddenly shy, even in the midst of the welcoming warm colors of the Tonks family home. Though it was a good deal smaller, the place reminded Remus of where James had once lived with Euphemia and Fleamont, the former Potter estate.</p><p>“Wotcher, Remus, Sirius.” Tonks greeted them enthusiastically. Her hair was sparkling and rainbow-colored, an array of elaborate colors that rippled together. Her outfit was similarly colorful, with a neon shirt that would not have been out of place in the early Eighties. “Glad you could make it back from Hogwarts. What, did you take muggle transport?”</p><p>“Sorry we’re late,” Remus said apologetically, handing over the presents that they had purchased in Hogsmeade. “Happy birthday, Tonks. And no, we didn’t, we just have poor time management. The chocolates are for your mum and dad, by the way.”</p><p>“Speak for yourself, Moony,” Sirius sniffed. “My time management is excellent. Happy birthday, Tonks. How old are you now?”</p><p>“Oh good, you’ve stopped calling me Dora,” Tonks said brightly. “Maybe you can convince my mother to do the same. Also, twenty-two.”</p><p>“You’re a child,” Sirius scoffed. “Can you believe this, Moony? Twenty-two? At twenty-two, I was…”</p><p>Sirius stopped suddenly, as though he had been slapped. Remus took his hand and squeezed it.</p><p>“At twenty-two, I was eating food exclusively made in a microwave,” Remus said quickly. “And I certainly didn’t have enough friends to fill this room.”</p><p>“Oh, you’re here!” Andromeda appeared suddenly to hug them both tightly, a vision of brown-grey curls and a smocked floral dress. Ted, right behind her, shook both their hands.</p><p>“It’s wonderful to have you here with us,” Andromeda said warmly. Her eyes reminded Remus of Sirius’s, something about the greyness in them, but Andromeda’s seemed far more mellow than Sirius’s had ever been.</p><p>“Congratulations on the engagement again,” Ted said, looking at their rings. “We’re very excited for you. Very pleased.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, you’ll get invitations,” Sirius smiled, slipping his hand into the pocket of Remus’s trousers.</p><p>“It’s the event of the century, apparently,” Tonks said. “According to the papers, at least. Speaking of which…”</p><p>Sirius groaned. “Did you invite Rita Skeeter?”</p><p>Ted met Andromeda’s eyes significantly, and Remus recognized a silent conversation not unlike the ones that he and Sirius sometimes had over the heads of their students. “We’re going to have to apologize in advance. I know that Andy said that she would keep the press away, and she did, but some of Tonks’s friends…”</p><p>“What about them?”</p><p>“They seem to be quite interested in the idea of you. We keep trying to warn them to leave you alone, but they’re extremely curious and I can’t promise they won’t ask questions.”</p><p>Remus blinked. “What?”</p><p>“Well–” Ted began.</p><p>“Merlin’s beard. You’re Sirius Black, aren’t you?” A young man, tall with a full head of dark hair, asked suddenly, sidling up to the two of them and cutting off whatever Ted was about to say.</p><p>Sirius exchanged a sudden glance with Remus. “I am,” he said slowly. “Can I help you?”</p><p>“Tonks, you were right. He <em>is</em> your cousin,” a young woman asked, sounding genuinely shocked.</p><p>Almost as quickly as Remus could blink, a group of twenty-somethings flocked them.</p><p>“Is it all true?” A brunette young woman next to him gasped. Remus took Sirius’s hand once more.</p><p>“Is what true?” Sirius asked sarcastically. “Is it true that my hair looks this good naturally? No, actually, I’m a real devotee to Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion, actually.”</p><p>One of the young women laughed. Remus smiled at her gratefully. Somehow, unfortunately, that brief moment spurred the rest of the group forward, until Remus felt very much as though they were being pressed on all sides with nowhere to go.</p><p>“Are you really engaged to a man?”</p><p>“Yes,” Sirius said firmly, eyeing the questioner. He cocked his head towards Remus. “This is the love of my life.”</p><p>“Lemus, right? I read the papers,” one of the group members said smugly.</p><p>Remus frowned. “It’s actually–”</p><p>“Is it true that you escaped from Azkaban?” One of the members of the group, a short young woman with electric blue hair, asked.</p><p>“Maybe that’s not something that should be discussed at a birthday,” Remus said significantly.</p><p>“Is it true that you got framed by your best friend and everything?”</p><p>“Did I walk into a Ministry interrogation?” Sirius snapped. “Shouldn’t you lot be celebrating a fucking birthday and not hounding me about my life?”</p><p>Chastened, one of them raised a hand, as though they were in class. He spoke without being called on.</p><p>“He’s the one who died a couple of weeks ago, isn’t he? Pettigrew. Read about it in the papers.”</p><p>Sirius stopped cold. He looked as though he had been Petrified, or hit by a Stunning Spell. Remus gave them all a hard look.</p><p>“That’s quite enough,” Remus said in a low growl that came out the back of his throat. “Please let us eat some cake in peace. We would appreciate some privacy, if you would.”</p><p>Hoping for the protection of friends, Remus dragged Sirius towards a corner where Kingsley, Hestia, and Moody were in animated conversation. Somehow, Tonks had convinced Moody to don a pointed party hat. The effect was rather endearing.</p><p>“Black, Lupin, we were just talking about you,” Moody said gruffly. “How’s everything up there? Heard you’re both terrific professors.”</p><p>“Lovely,” Remus said brightly. “The students are excellent. How’s everything here?”</p><p>“Great,” Moody said, his eye swiveling around to look at both of them. They chatted for a while about particularly foul case of dark magic that Hestia and Kingsley had had to deal with last month, which led Remus down a road of talking about his N.E.W.T. Defense Against the Dark Arts class.</p><p>“I heard a rumor recently, actually,” Hestia said, shaking her short dark hair out of her eyes.</p><p>“Yes, it’s true,” Sirius declared, waggling his hand. “We’re engaged.”</p><p>“That wasn’t the rumor, Black,” Kingsley said with his deep, reverberating voice. He sounded vaguely amused. “We knew that. Congratulations, by the way. The rumor was about Dumbledore. We heard that he wants to–”</p><p>“Never mind the petty gossip,” Moody said sharply. “No use beating around the bush. Black, you’re only in the position up there for a year?”</p><p>Sirius frowned. “Yes, it’s a temporary job.”</p><p>“We heard that you’re damn good at your job,” Moody said.</p><p>Sirius smiled. “Thanks, Alastor, you big sap. Last week, I taught the fourth years about–”</p><p>Moody ignored him and pressed forward. “Well, I was thinking that you should go through Auror training. You’d be a damn good one, and we could use someone like you who’s really been through the ringer before.”</p><p>Remus blinked at him, then narrowed his eyes. “What?”</p><p>“What Moody’s trying to say,” Hestia said hastily, “is that someone with Sirius’s experience could be really helpful. It’s not a lot of people who make it through Azkaban and back.”</p><p>“<em>Helpful</em>?” Sirius asked incredulously. “Are you serious right now?”</p><p>Though they had just left a few hours ago, Remus desperately wished that they were back at Hogwarts at that moment. He looked at Sirius, who looked stricken.</p><p>“And now that Pettigrew is dead, it’s looking like whatever Death Eaters are still alive are even more scattered than ever,” Moody said, sounding pleased. “It’s a good time to start training.”</p><p>Remus felt the blood drain out of his face.</p><p>“I…Sirius, will you come with me for a minute?”</p><p>They headed to what seemed like the loneliest corner of the living room, where an older witch was petting the Tonks’s tabby cat.</p><p>“Can you believe this?” Sirius whispered furiously. “I hate this.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry, lovey,” Remus whispered, cradling Sirius’s face. “We can go if you want.”</p><p>Sirius shook his head. “I don’t want to be dramatic about it. I can deal with it for Andy.”</p><p>They accidentally met the eyes of the witch next to them.</p><p>“Miriam Strout,” the witch said kindly, and her soft brown eyes crinkled up at the ends. Her cheerful disposition and sage eyes reminded Remus affectionately of Madam Pomfrey. “Isn’t this a sweet cat?”</p><p>“Sirius Black,” Sirius said with a debonair grin that did not quite reach his eyes. “But you probably already knew that. And this is my fiancé, Remus Lupin.”</p><p>“It’s a pleasure,” Remus said politely.</p><p>“Very lovely to meet you,” Miriam smiled. “This is a really nice party, isn’t it? What do you do?”</p><p>Sirius and Remus exchanged glances. Remus could not tell whether she was feigning ignorance, or whether she had truly never heard of him before.</p><p>“I’m a professor at Hogwarts,” Remus offered. “I teach Defense Against the Dark Arts.”</p><p>“Oh, that’s wonderful. I was a Hufflepuff. Still am, really, seeing as some of my fondest days were spent there. Do you like teaching?” Miriam asked, turning her warm eyes on him.</p><p>Remus could not resist the swell of pride that rose up in him as he thought about his beloved students, his office littered with books and the trappings of Defense Against the Dark Arts, and the careful syllabi that he had crafted with care.</p><p>“I love it. It’s brilliant watching the students grow a bit at a time, really. Students that couldn’t cast an Expelliarmus last year are top of their classes now. I really can’t imagine doing anything else. It’s sort of a dream job for me. In fact, I think it is my dream job. I’ve learned so very much about my students – I’d imagine that I’ve learned more from them than they’ve learned from me.”</p><p>Miriam beamed and nodded. Sirius looked at him with unmistakable fondness, his grey eyes softer than they had been during the entire party. Remus smiled at both of them shyly. He was not sure what had gotten into him, all of a sudden. Miriam had an open expression that for some reason compelled Remus to want to continue talking at a party where he had otherwise been intent on keeping his mouth snapped shut.</p><p>“Remus is the smartest person I’ve ever known,” Sirius declared, taking his hand and kissing the back of it gently. He did not seem to care about the reactions of anyone else in the room, including the group of witches eyeing him hopefully near the door. “He’s the best professor at Hogwarts, and I’d wager every galleon I own on it.”</p><p>“I have no doubt. Though my former classmate Minerva is a professor too, and she was brilliant.”</p><p>“<em>Minnie</em>?” Sirius asked. He appraised Miriam keenly, with a newly appreciative look. “Professor McGonagall was your classmate?”</p><p>“Oh yes,” Miriam grinned. She tucked one of her long braids behind her ear. “She was <em>very</em> talented in Transfiguration. And also one of the best Quidditch players we had. Her team beat the Hufflepuffs nearly every year, it was a pity for us.”</p><p>Sirius looked delighted about Professor McGonagall and her Quidditch prowess. Remus could not blame him. A frisson of pride ran up his side as he thought of Minerva McGonagall bringing the glory back to Gryffindor Tower as a youth and then encouraging generations of Gryffindors to do the same. Remus’s Gryffindor spirit was not as obvious as Sirius’s. Just last week, after all, Sirius had worn his old Quidditch jersey to class instead of his teaching robes, which had thrilled his students and had made Professor McGonagall pull him aside for a quick lecture on proper dress codes (Sirius had transfigured a jersey for her on the spot, and she let him be after that). But Remus could not deny the fact that he felt a quiet thrill when he thought about the fact that the Hat had deemed fit to place him in Gryffindor, with all its storied bravery. The thought himself made him feel more fearless.</p><p>“So anyways, what do you do?” Miriam asked again.</p><p>“Do you want the long version, or the short version?” Sirius asked with a suddenly smooth, aristocratic drawl. “Do you actually care about what I do, or is it just curiosity about where I’ve been?”</p><p>“Whatever suits you,” Miriam said patiently.</p><p>Her face, completely devoid of any interest in the bits of juicy gossip that everyone at Tonks’s birthday party had been seeking out, seemed to catch Sirius a bit off guard. He frowned.</p><p>“Well,” he said hastily, “I’m also a professor at Hogwarts.”</p><p>“What do you teach?”</p><p>“Charms.”</p><p>“Fascinating subject,” Miriam offered. "Very useful, too."</p><p>“How about you?” Remus asked politely.</p><p>“I’m a Healer by training,” Miriam said, straightening up.</p><p>Sirius’s eyes flickered with interest. “Do you work at St. Mungo’s, then? Do you see lots of gore at work?”</p><p>“Sirius, you can’t just <em>ask</em> that.” Remus rolled his eyes.</p><p>Miriam smiled at both of them. “No, it’s quite alright. I used to work at St. Mungo’s, treating long-term patients who’ve suffered from brain injuries. Then a few years ago, I decided to return to my original practice.”</p><p>“Which is…” Sirius prompted.</p><p>“Being a Mind Healer. Somewhere at the cusp of what you’d call muggle psychology and traditional wizarding healing, working with patients who have been through a good deal in life and who have different needs than the patients who I took care of.”</p><p>“How does that work?” Remus asked curiously.</p><p>“Essentially it’s like muggle talk therapy. Patients sit with me for an hour, maybe two at a time, every week or two weeks. With their permission and consent, I sift through trauma, or anxieties, or depressive moods through Legilimency, to try to figure out what’s at the core, and we delve into their memories through talking at length together and through the assistance of a Pensieve to explore particularly painful memories.”</p><p>“Interesting,” Remus said. The idea interested him a good deal. “Is it popular, then? Mind healing?”</p><p>Next to him, he noticed a moment too late that Sirius suddenly looked very agitated.</p><p>“Oh yes, very,” Miriam said. “I work with about ten of them just in our office. We work with many Aurors, actually, who have seen gruesome accidents out in the field, or who have been in dangerous situations, or with victims helped by Aurors. That’s how I got invited to this, actually. I was called in to help this woman whom Tonks had helped–”</p><p>Sirius interrupted brashly. “Do you cure then?”</p><p>“Pardon me?” Miriam asked.</p><p>“I asked whether you cure them. The patients.”</p><p>Miriam looked thoughtful, and chose her words carefully. “Cure is a strong word, I’d say. These aren’t broken arms or cases of dragon pox. The mind is a beautiful, complex, and occasionally traitorous thing. The purpose of being a Mind Healer is to give patients the tools they need to face the next difficult things in their lives without being buried by their pasts. The patients I’ve worked with have advanced tremendously.”</p><p>“I think that sounds like something really important,” Remus said calmly, trying to keep an eye on Sirius. “You sound like you’re doing really meaningful work. Do you think–”</p><p>“So you’re not really a Healer, then?” Sirius interjected. His grey eyes were blazing with defiance, and his chin was lifted haughtily. More than ever, he looked like himself at age eleven. “You’re not curing anyone, really, are you?”</p><p>“Don’t be rude.” Remus said quietly. “Maybe we should step outside for a minute.”</p><p>“I’m not being rude,” Sirius replied hotly. “And I’m not stepping outside. I’m asking a question about whether this…novel practice can really be considered in the same category as Healing.”</p><p>Miriam studied him. “It isn’t exactly novel, you know. The first Mind Healer practiced about five hundred and thirty years ago. The Ministry decreed it as a category of Healing decades ago.”</p><p>“Oh, the <em>Ministry</em> decided, didn’t they?” Sirius said, and Remus realized that his voice was starting to get loud. He caught Tonks’s face from across the room and grimaced apologetically. “And what has the Ministry ever known about anything?”</p><p>“Well, the Ministry standards are very precise,” Miriam stated.</p><p>“Tell me something. You ever work with people who are too broken to be fixed?” Sirius demanded. “What do you do then, when they show up and can’t be fixed?”</p><p>“No one’s too broken to be fixed,” Miriam said.</p><p>“Bullshit.”</p><p>“<em>Sirius</em>,” Remus said sharply. “Let’s take a breath of air, yeah?”</p><p>There was a moment of silence as they exchanged a silent, furious look with each other.</p><p>“Fine. I’ll meet you out there.” Sirius said crisply, before storming out.</p><p>Remus felt flushed. “It was very nice to meet you, Miriam.”</p><p>“Certainly,” Miriam said, and paused for a moment. Then, she reached into her large leather handbag and handed Remus a mint green business card.</p><p>
  <em>Strout, Bonham &amp; Wainscott: Mind Healers<br/>
</em>
  <em>London – Hogsmeade</em>
</p><p>Remus flipped it over to find their contact information on the other side.</p><p>“Thanks for this,” Remus said, tucking it carefully in his pocket. “Talk to you in a bit.”</p><p>He stepped outside into the overcast April weather and squinted at Sirius. He was smoking a cigarette on the curb outside of the Tonks residence with a dangerous look in his eye.</p><p>“Terrible habit, you know,” Remus said, sitting next to him. “I thought you quit.”</p><p>“Doesn’t matter,” Sirius said moodily, decidedly not looking at Remus. “Can you believe that woman?”</p><p>“What can’t I believe?” Remus asked tiredly.</p><p>“The entire idea of healing the mind and not being able to cure a damn thing. Isn’t that the dumbest bloody idea you’ve ever heard?”</p><p>“I don’t think it’s stupid,” Remus said carefully, putting a hand on Sirius’s arm. “I don’t think it’s a bad idea, Sirius. It might be worth exploring. Maybe for both of us. Perhaps this was some sort of sign, you know?”</p><p>“If you want, you can go and fix yourself,” Sirius said coldly. “Leave me out of this.”</p><p>Remus narrowed his eyes. “Don’t be an asshole, Sirius. I know that conversation was hard, and I know it’s been a rough party, but I’m trying my best to help you here.”</p><p>“Try harder, then,” Sirius said, shaking him off and blowing out a ring of dark smoke.</p><p>“Fuck this. You’re acting like a right bastard,” Remus replied bitterly, his legs beginning to ache. “I’m trying to give you space. I’m trying to help you. I’m not making you talk, I’m not forcing you to do anything, and I’m trying to ask what you want, and what you need. But you just keep turning me down at every turn. I’m tired too, Sirius. What do you want me to do?”</p><p>“Nothing,” Sirius said. “You can’t do anything for me, and neither can she.”</p><p>Remus could feel the blood thumping in his ears. He felt the words come out of him coldly, and hated the sound of his own voice. “<em>I give up</em>. I can’t help you if you’re not willing to help yourself. I’m going back to Grimmauld Place. Come back when you’re done blowing off steam.”</p><p>“Is that what you think I’m doing, then?” Sirius growled. "Blowing off steam?"</p><p>“What else would you be doing?” Remus scoffed.</p><p>“You don’t know what it’s like,” Sirius snapped. “And if you don’t, you might as well go, then.”</p><p>“You don’t think I know what?” Remus asked, his voice now eerily calm. “What it’s like to be stared at? To have people make assumptions about you?” He grabbed Sirius’s hand and ran it meaningfully against the scars that had never quite faded across his cheekbone. “Try me.”</p><p>Sirius stood up suddenly, popping like a firework on the fifth of November, and Remus could nearly see the smoke wafting off him. He began pacing up and down the dead-end street in his dark leather boots and gesticulating wildly, his voice growing louder and louder until Remus was tempted to charm Muffliato and block out everyone from hearing it. And then, after a moment, he did, as he realized Sirius was going to unravel right there on the street.</p><p>“Everyone knows who I am in there, and out here, and everywhere, I can’t fucking escape it, and <em>unlike</em> the kids at Hogwarts, they don’t care enough to get to know me now. All they want to know is the story of all those years or they want me to <em>do </em>something with it and be a fucking Auror of all things. An Auror, honestly! Miriam probably knows exactly who I am and is playing the idiot card here, trying to get me to be her little pet project with her mind healing. Thinks I’m all fucked up in the head because I spent all those years locked up because of stupid, <em>fucking </em>Peter Pettigrew, who’s <em>dead</em> now, where’s the justice in that? Look at him, Remus. He couldn’t even last an entire bloody year in that place. Dead and gone and buried before the school year even let out, before the last Quidditch game of the year. <em>Newsflash</em>,” Sirius shouted, and he stubbed the cigarette out underneath his boots with a vicious motion, “I had to last TWELVE of them! Twelve bloody years! And what do I have to show for it? Pettigrew’s dead. I thought I’d be happy hearing it, I thought…I thought I’d feel some sort of grim little <em>satisfaction</em> about the fact that he got kissed and died and I’m alive and the Dementors didn’t get to me in the end but I just can’t stand it all, Remus, I really can’t, it makes no sense, but I’m not any happier than he’s dead than I did when he was alive and suffering or alive and free as a rat. <em>Half of us are dead.</em> There are two of us left on that bloody Map, Remus. Moony – alive and having to deal with everyone else’s shit on top of his own, Wormtail – dead and a traitor and still gone in the end, Padfoot – alive, but just barely, and it’s a shame he’s all kinds of fucked in the head, and Prongs – dead, dead, <em>dead</em>.” His voice cracked on the last word, and he put his face in his hands.</p><p>At last, Sirius wept. He stopped short in his pacing as though he had been petrified halfway down the road, and the floodgates opened with a thunderous cry. His shoulders shook brutally, and Remus could not remember having seen him weep so profusely, with his entire body carrying the weight of it all that pain, since Regulus had died many years ago. Remus ran to him immediately, crashing his body against his, holding him tightly and letting Sirius bury his face in his sweater, certain that he would see a trail of eyeliner when he took it off later and not caring a smidge. He held Sirius as though they were in stranded in the eye of a hurricane, the last two survivors of a disaster. In some ways, Remus realized, his eyes watering as he remembered their friends long gone, they were.</p><p>Remus could almost feel Sirius’s heart breaking as he wrapped his arms around him, and could almost feel his own heart attempting to throw itself down Sirius’s throat in return in a last-ditch effort to help. If he could take any of Sirius’s worries, he would have done it without thinking twice. But life did not work that way. Remus could not erase twelve years of tragedy, nor could he replace the glimmering figures of James, Lily, Marlene, Dorcas, Mary, and the slew of friends that they had lost. But he could be there, as fearless and as strong, and as much of a Gryffindor as he could muster, and that could maybe be enough, at least for now.</p><p>“It’s okay, baby,” he said quietly and repeatedly, smoothing Sirius’s hair back. His golden ring glinted in the dark mass of Sirius’s hair. “It’s alright. Let it out if you want.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, Remus, I’m so sorry,” Sirius said after a few minutes, grasping at his sweater.</p><p>“That’s okay,” Remus said. “I’m sorry, I should’ve realized that that conversation wasn’t…and I wasn’t at my best, really…”</p><p>“It’s so awful,” Sirius gasped. He sounded as though he were drowning in himself. “It’s all so terrible. It was the worst time of my life in there and everyone just wants to talk about what I did. All I did was think of you…and James…Lily…Harry, <em>oh Harry</em>,” Sirius sobbed.</p><p>“Harry loves you,” Remus said with a lump in his throat, hoping against hope that no one would come outside and interrupt them, wondering whether he should cast a Disillusionment Charm on them for good measure, wishing desperately that they were with James’s Cloak – and with James himself, who might have known just what to say. “You’re his godfather, and he loves you, and yes, there was a lot of pain on everyone’s part, but we’re all together now. He’s probably off…making mischief with Ron and Hermione right now. But he has us, and he knows he has us, and he adores you, Sirius.”</p><p>“You didn’t ask for this,” Sirius whispered miserably. “I’m sorry. You deserve someone who brings you peace and joy and all those things you deserve. Not this. Not me.”</p><p>Remus looked at him, welling up furiously now with his eyes blurred. “Sirius, I adore you. I love you so much, it feels like I might break in two sometimes, and then you could have two of me, wholly and completely and entirely. I am madly in love with you, whatever that entails, peace be fucked. And I’d love you in every lifetime, in every universe, in every version of ourselves, the beautiful timelines, the tragic ones, this one that we’ve been given. We’ll make it through this – all of this – together. We’ve been through much, you and I. And we can’t change the past. But maybe, we can make the future a little better.”</p><p>“And what if it’s not any better?” Sirius asked, finally looking up. His eyes were still wet. "What if it's just as hopeless?"</p><p>A moment passed, and the light breeze whipped around them. He wished more than anything that he could assure Sirius that the future would be nothing like the past, but he could not. All he knew, and which Sirius must have known, was that he would fight like hell to try to make sure that it was brighter. Because Sirius deserved it. And, Remus supposed, he deserved it too.</p><p>They deserved a happy ending, did they not? Did they not deserve the kindness of joy, in the end? Remus had learned the hard way that happiness was not the type of thing to flow naturally or passively or easily into his life. Rather, he had to fight like hell for a scrap of it, and he would do it even if it meant that he was bruised and bloodied in the process. Fighting for happiness became a lot more pleasant and a lot less miserable when – at the very least – he had Sirius next to him. He'd fight again a hundred times, just for him.</p><p>“All I know is my future feels a little more hopeful with you in it. But you know I’m rubbish at Divination,” Remus murmured, and Sirius smiled softly against him. “You can ask Sybil if you want to know the future.”</p><p>Sirius scoffed, a waterlogged sound. “Useless. She’d tell me I have the Grim in my future.”</p><p>“Padfoot does look awfully like the Grim,” Remus smiled, brushing Sirius’s hair away from his damp face gently.</p><p>“Do you think it would work?” Sirius asked, his voice barely above a whisper.</p><p>“What would work?” Remus asked.</p><p>Sirius fidgeted in his arms. “Mind healing.”</p><p>Remus spoke carefully. “I think it’d be worth a shot. It might…it might be helpful, you know. For you, for me.”</p><p>“But what if it doesn’t work?”</p><p>Remus held him tightly. “You’ll never know unless you try, will you?”</p><p>Sirius seemed to think about it for a while, then leaned against him heavily. “I don’t particularly want to go back inside, Moony. Sorry we ruined Tonks’s party.”</p><p>As though she had been summoned, Tonks ran down the steps of her house and looked down the alleyway, where the two of them clung to one another. Remus quickly undid the Muffliato Charm.</p><p>“There you are. Mum thought something terrible had happened. Of course, everyone thinks you’re broken up, now,” Tonks said cheerfully. “I reckon you’ll have to deal with <em>The Prophet</em> about that. Someone’s bound to snitch. My vote’s for Mad-Eye. He's a terrible gossip, really.”</p><p>“Lucky us,” Remus said dryly, as Sirius turned around to dry his face.</p><p>“Is everyone alright?” Tonks asked, her hair returning to slightly more natural bubble-gum pink shade after the rainbow-colored hair of a few moments before.</p><p>“We’re fine,” Sirius said bravely. “The show must go on. What, were you hoping that Moony and I had called it quits?”</p><p>Tonks rolled her green eyes, which then settled on a light hazel. “You lot are stupid. Mum thinks I’m in love with him too. Let’s clear the air here. First, Remus, you’re too old for me. No offense.”</p><p>“Thanks?” Remus asked, not sure whether to be insulted or amused.</p><p>“Second, I’m not interested in blokes.” Tonks said, crossing her arms tightly. “But I <em>have</em> been looking for more friends, you know. It’s a hard world out there. Aurors are a sallow bunch. It’d be loads more fun to be friends with professors at Hogwarts.”</p><p>Sirius looked surprised, then pleased. “Oh. Well, that’s loads better than what I thought.”</p><p>“So if you didn’t come out here to break up, what’s the issue?” Tonks asked.</p><p>Sirius looked like he was at a loss for words. Remus stepped in quickly.</p><p>“We were snogging,” Remus blurted out. “I just think he looks very sexy right now. It’s the leather.”</p><p>Sirius looked entertained. Remus felt himself blushing madly. Clearly, Tonks was not convinced, based on her suspicious appraisal of the two of them. But out of respect, perhaps, some modicum of tact, she did not press them further.</p><p>“I’m about to blow out the candles,” Tonks said. “Will you come in for cake at least?”</p><p>Remus was once again about to make some excuse on their behalf. But Sirius took his hand boldly and smiled at Tonks, as cheekily as he could muster.</p><p>“Yes. I hope it’s chocolate, though. Moony gets in a foul mood if he’s forced to eat vanilla cake.”</p><p>Remus shot him a look. Sirius smiled, dazzlingly, and the sun broke through a cloud and fell upon him as though it had never left.</p><p>
  <strong>***</strong>
</p><p>By the time they dragged their exhausted bodies back to Grimmauld Place, it was very late indeed. Tonks, Andromeda, and Ted, had kept them after the party, telling stories about Andromeda and Sirius and their secret friendship carried out under the noses of their ancestors.</p><p>“I think I’m going to sell this place,” Sirius said, once they had settled into bed. “I’m going to ask Griselda to put it on the market this summer. Unless you disagree. After all, it’s your house too, you know.”</p><p>“I’m fine with whatever you want,” Remus said honestly. “Where we live doesn’t matter, as long as it’s with you.”</p><p>Sirius smiled. “Good. Grimmauld Place reminds me of bad things. Even though now it reminds me a little more of you and Harry. I tried to make it feel like home…but it just doesn’t.”</p><p>“So Hogsmeade it is, then?” Remus prompted. “For real?”</p><p>“I think so. And maybe a little cottage by the lakes,” Sirius said, interweaving his fingers with Remus’s. “Where you and I can retire and…garden or something, whatever retired people do. What do you say?”</p><p>Remus smiled wryly. “Did Harry tell you what I said?”</p><p>“Indeed,” Sirius said, turning his head to smile at him. “He called me while you were in the bath. I think he’s up to something. He seemed very busy and <em>very</em> excited.”</p><p>Remus yawned and tucked himself against Sirius’s shoulder. “Well, he wouldn’t be James’s son if he weren’t trying to figure out new ways to make Professor McGonagall develop grey hairs, would he?”</p><p>“You say that as if his Uncle Moony wasn’t the mastermind behind every nefarious Marauders plot,” Sirius smirked.</p><p>“Neither confirmed nor denied,” Remus said sleepily, waving the curtains closed with a swish of the hand.</p><p>They laid there in the darkness for a few minutes. Then, tentatively, Sirius spoke.</p><p>“I’m going to try it, Remus.”</p><p>“What are you going to try?” Remus yawned.</p><p>“Mind healing. After the school year ends, I think.”</p><p>Remus sat up slowly and looked at him. “Are you sure? Because you don’t have to…”</p><p>“No, I want to,” Sirius said firmly, sitting up next to him. “I can’t run from this forever. And I can’t keep losing my shit about it either. It’s not fair to me, or to you, or to Harry. There’s a lot there that I have to reckon with, you know.”</p><p>“I do know,” Remus said quietly. “I have my own shit to reckon with.”</p><p>Remus felt Sirius smiling at him in the darkness. “What’s yours is mine.”</p><p>“And what’s mine is always yours if you want it.” Remus paused. “I’m proud of you, you know.”</p><p>“I don’t know that there’s much to be proud of,” Sirius said uncertainly. “I haven’t started yet. I might suck at this, Moony.”</p><p>Remus leaned in and kissed him softly. “I’m proud of you because of who you are, Sirius. Not what you’ve done, or haven’t done.”</p><p>He meant every word of it. Sirius must have known that, for even in the darkness of the room, he could see Sirius’s radiant smile, magnificent as the most brilliant star in the night sky. Its light would guide Remus back home, time after time after time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus and Sirius left London three days into the spring holidays. They merited a vacation, Sirius insisted, something that they could not quite enjoy in Grimmauld Place with the ghosts of their pasts hanging over them. In advance of the full moon, they ventured back to the Lake District, just off the Windermere peaks. With Remus’s help and a good deal of acting like a muggle, Sirius booked a lovely cottage from a sweet, elderly couple that reminded Remus a bit of Fleamont and Euphemia Potter.</p><p>The cottage was whitewashed, with a cobblestone, partially weather-beaten fence wrapped around three sides of it and squat windows that ran up all three stories. It was surrounded by what felt like acres of grassy fields. The inside was full of exposed bricks and wooden panels, mildly-mismatched furniture, and carved-in bookshelves that offered a selection of muggle literature and books of poetry. There was a fireplace in each of the six bedrooms – Remus had not quite understood why Sirius wanted <em>six</em> of them, seeing as they slept in the same room and did not do much else – and another large hearth in the center of the living room. Parts of the house had gently sloping ceilings, though even in those spots of the house, the ceilings were high enough for Remus to walk through comfortably without having to duck. It felt homey and rather cozy. Even as Remus battled through the aches and pains of the moon for their first few days, he was grateful to be there. The moon itself passed without incident, the wolf and Padfoot once again reunited, slumbering as close to peacefully as they could manage as a sudden rainfall pelted the walls of their little cottage.</p><p>The days afterwards passed in a lazy, lounging sort of way, melting into one another like hard candies in their mouths. Though Remus missed the frenetic energy of Hogwarts, and Harry, of course, whom they spoke to in the mirror every night, he could not deny that the holiday was replenishing. It was the first time that Remus and Sirius had been truly alone in a long time. Remus enjoyed nothing more than reading Wordsworth or Coleridge over several cups of tea in the morning as he waited for Sirius to get up somewhere around eleven, reveling in a spectacular view of the mountains and the charms of the lakes in the early morning. Sirius enjoyed nothing more than running around as Padfoot for hours on end, before collapsing, as himself again, on top of Remus as he read. They explored High Street, where they found a number of curious, charming shops where they bought souvenirs that they did not need but nonetheless wanted. Together, they visited walled gardens that Remus privately thought did not compare to the brilliance of Greenhouse Four and which Sirius loudly declared would have benefited enormously from the presence of a Venomous Tentacula plant. They pretended to be muggles so that the kind shopkeepers on High Street would not cast troubled glances upon them (they did anyways, of course, but that was to be expected).</p><p>“Can you imagine a life like this?” Sirius murmured into Remus’s chest, late one night. “You and me, pretending to be muggles? I think we’re rather good at it.”</p><p>Remus laughed. “Are we? Just today, you were attempting to use Lumos in the garden, and there were at least four muggles behind us.”</p><p>Sirius huffed. “It was <em>dark</em>, Moony. Whose fault is it that the muggles can’t properly light their paths? I didn’t want you to fall! It is a miracle they didn’t see, though,” Sirius added. “It looked like they had been lightly Confunded for a bit.”</p><p>Remus remained decidedly quiet.</p><p>“<em>Remus</em>!” Sirius looked scandalized.</p><p>“Well it wouldn’t have been a good look if we had gotten caught violating the International Statute of Secrecy, would it have been?” Remus replied hotly. “It was <em>very</em> light. I didn’t enjoy it, for what it’s worth.”</p><p>“You’re terrible,” Sirius said. “So what do you think. Can we blend in with the muggles?”</p><p>“Depends,” Remus said, stroking Sirius’s dark hair. “How often would you want to blend in with them?”</p><p>“A few times a year…and then eventually, maybe more,” Sirius offered.</p><p>Remus smiled. “Are you saying that you’re on board with retirement?”</p><p>“Maybe,” Sirius said quietly. “It’s sort of nice up here, where no one knows what we are, or who I am. And it’s peaceful, you know. I drew something today.”</p><p>“I didn’t know that,” Remus said. Sirius had occasionally dabbled in little sketches when they were at school, but to Remus’s knowledge, he had not picked up a drawing quill since 1981.</p><p>“Yes,” Sirius said proudly, leaning over to reach towards the nightstand. “Et voila.”</p><p>Remus looked at the drawing in the dim light. It was the outside of the cottage, each little square window perfectly carved out in the white façade of the building, the short brick fence running around the sides and the front, and there in the front lawn, on a chair, was Remus himself curved over a book. Remus smiled toothily.</p><p>“I think you captured my likeness quite well,” Remus said. “Including my truly terrific posture.”</p><p>“I think your posture’s hot,” Sirius said crookedly. “Very becoming. Do you like it, then?”</p><p>“I do,” Remus nodded. “I think it’s quite lovely. We should frame it.”</p><p>“Good,” Sirius said, looking satisfied. “I think I might ask Dean to teach me to draw better. He’s really rather good. That lion he drew you for your birthday is downright excellent.”</p><p>Remus smiled fondly. “He is very good with a quill, you’re right.”</p><p>“What do you think about the cottage?” Sirius asked suddenly. “Do you like it?”</p><p>“It’s lovely,” Remus yawned. “I still don’t understand why we needed all these bedrooms. We’re only here for another day or two.”</p><p>“What if Harry wanted to come at the last minute?” Sirius asked.</p><p>“Then we could’ve gotten a two-bedroom.”</p><p>“What about Ron and Hermione?”</p><p>“Ron could’ve bunked with Harry, but I suppose we should have offered Hermione her own room, if she’d like.”</p><p>“And Dean? Seamus? Ginny? Neville? What about–”</p><p>“Are you expecting half of Gryffindor House to show up on our holidays?” Remus asked mildly.</p><p>“Haven’t we taken in most of them anyways?” Sirius retorted. “Plus a good deal of the other houses, I’d say. All of them are dying to be invited to the wedding.”</p><p>Remus groaned good-naturedly. “Thanks for the reminder. I don’t want to plan anything, Sirius, I’m going to be honest with you.”</p><p>“Harry already reminded us today, remember? Asking whether we wanted to get married over the summer, what kind of place, whatever,” Sirius snorted. “I’m about ninety percent sure he wants to bring a date and is just trying to figure out when best to raise the idea of a plus one. If he’s anything like Prongs, he’s quite useless in the romance department, our Harry.”</p><p>Remus shook his head. “And if he’s anything like his godfather, he’s not much better off.”</p><p>“<em>Hey</em>,” Sirius protested, and Remus smiled down at him wickedly.</p><p>On their final day before they were due to return home, Remus and Sirius decided to take a hike on what one of the shopkeepers had promised was an “easy walk uphill.” Ten minutes in, both realized they had made a terrible, tragic mistake, as both of them despised hiking. Sirius got the easy way out, Remus griped, seeing as he could simply go as Padfoot if he <em>really</em> wanted to, and plus, his endurance was better anyways. Sirius frowned and reminded Remus that his legs were approximately eight meters longer than his, so <em>really</em>, who had the advantage here, Moony?</p><p>Their protests fell to the wayside, however, as soon as they reached the summit of Orrest Head, where they were greeted by a panorama so spectacular that their grumbling words seemed to have fallen back into their throats. They sat on a bench and stared into the expanses of the greenery underneath them, the flora climbing every which way, and the lake that shimmered in the background underneath the errant rays of the sun. Its brightness put the Great Lake nearly to shame. The birds circled around them pleasantly, singing of springtime, singing of love, singing just for them.<br/>
The two of them were not alone, of course, and so if they had offended the deities of Mount Olympus by stepping onto their property, their wrath would not solely be devoted to Remus and Sirius. Several families took pictures behind them with muggle cameras that spat out photographs almost immediately. A few solo walkers and hikers mingled among themselves. One wore a pair of large headphones connected to what Remus imagined was a Walkman. Sirius could not stop watching them, no doubt wondering how he could charm one of them to work at Hogwarts.</p><p>“It’s a magic all their own,” Sirius remarked, putting his arm around Remus and brushing his fingers against his arm. “The muggles and their technology. Fascinating stuff, really. It makes me think that that might’ve been the most important class I took at Hogwarts.”</p><p>“Mm,” Remus said, pushing his sunglasses back onto his face and curling into Sirius’s shoulder. “You weren’t saying that when you took Muggle Studies in fifth year. Back then you just wanted to cheat off me.”</p><p>“That was just an excuse to get close to you,” Sirius said, shaking his head. “You really were in the dark the whole time, weren’t you?”</p><p>“No,” Remus said defensively. “How was I supposed to know your idea of flirting was asking me how aeroplanes work?”</p><p>“It was a great line! James came up with it,” Sirius said defensively.</p><p>“And <em>that</em> should tell you everything you needed to know. He was a bloody idiot when it came to trying to flirt with Lily,” Remus snorted. “Useless.”</p><p>“Well, he got the girl in the end, didn’t he?” Sirius huffed.</p><p>“And you got the boy, I suppose,” Remus smirked.</p><p>“Pardon me,” a woman with short, dark hair asked, approaching them cautiously. “Would you take a picture of the two of us?”</p><p>Remus turned his head and saw a man wearing a baseball cap nodding at them. His skin was golden brown, and his smile was radiant and white even under the shadow of his cap.</p><p>“Oh, certainly,” Remus said. He accepted the woman’s camera.</p><p>“It’s a Polaroid,” she said eagerly. “We got it in California.”</p><p>“Never been there,” Sirius said excitedly. “What’s it like?”</p><p>She grinned. “Extremely sunny, and very beautiful, though some parts are very much like the desert. And Hollywood was great, you know, where all of the stars are?”</p><p>“We should go, Moony,” Sirius said suddenly. “I think Harry would love seeing the stars. Besides me, of course, I am a star, and he sees me all the time.”</p><p>“Yes, of course,” Remus said amusedly, as the couple stood against the backdrop of the lake, flinging their arms around each other.</p><p>“Wait,” Sirius asked. “Can I take it?”</p><p>Remus put the camera down. “Do you know how?”</p><p>“Not at all,” Sirius said cheerfully.</p><p>Remus sighed. He called out to the couple. “Do you mind if he takes the picture? It might be a minute. He, er, hasn’t dealt with these sorts of cameras before. We do things a bit differently back home.”</p><p>“Sure,” the woman called out pleasantly. “Take your time.”</p><p>It took several minutes and one rather poor excuse of a photograph before Sirius managed to triumphantly take the couple’s photo. They seemed pleased with it after they shook it and saw the image that had clawed its way out of the darkness.</p><p>“My husband and I are on vacation,” the woman explained. “We just retired. We went all over the States and then decided to hop over here. It’s a world tour, you see.”</p><p>“Oh, brilliant. How did you meet?” Sirius asked eagerly.</p><p>“We actually met at school,” she said, taking her husband’s hand. “We were high school sweethearts.”</p><p>“High school?” Sirius asked Remus, sotto voce. “What in the blazes is that? First grade?”</p><p>“That’s lovely,” Remus said loudly, covering up Sirius’s confusion. “We met in school as well.”</p><p>“Do you want us to take your picture?” The woman offered, waving her camera in the air.</p><p>“Oh, that’s quite alright,” Remus said quickly. “It’s not…”</p><p>“Yes, actually,” Sirius said, dragging Remus by the hand to the same spot where just a moment ago, the couple had had a picture taken of them. “Please take a photo of me and my <em>fiancé</em>, would you?”</p><p>“We’d love to,” the man said, in his booming voice.</p><p>Remus felt shy. “You know how I feel about pictures, Sirius, I…”</p><p>“It’ll be a good one, though. And on a muggle camera!”</p><p>“Well,” Remus said, frowning slightly. “I suppose…but maybe we should think about this.”</p><p>“I bought the cottage.” Sirius said suddenly.</p><p>“You did <em>what</em>?” He put his sunglasses on top of his head and raised his eyebrows.</p><p>“You liked it, didn’t you?” Sirius said anxiously. “I thought you might like to make some of the repairs. We can buy a fancier one if you want, but I thought that maybe you’d prefer this one. It feels homey. And we can come up here when we want a break, or for the moon, or one day when we’re sixty-four. You can knit a sweater by the fireside and all that, whatever it is the Beatles say.”</p><p>Remus was touched. “Sirius, you didn’t have to. Also, I thought you hated the Beatles.”</p><p>“Mm, but you like them, don’t you? Didn’t your mum like them? Anyways, I wanted to,” he said simply, and he kissed him with such tenderness, his hand tucked into Remus’s hair, his other arm at his waist, that Remus had no choice but to let them take his photograph afterwards. The photographer was kind enough to allow them to take two.</p><p>When the camera rolled out the two photographs, the love in them was so apparent and unapologetic, that Remus could not believe for a moment that he had ever thought of denying someone the opportunity to document it. And so ended their first full week at the Lake District, but by no means their last.</p><p>***</p><p>“Miserable of Dumbledore to set up a staff meeting for eight in the morning the day after break ends,” Sirius groaned, pulling a pillow over his head. “What if I just don’t go?”</p><p>Remus looked at Sirius over his shoulder in the mirror and smirked at his bare back splayed on the bed. He did the buttons of his shirt, realized he had been too busy paying attention to Sirius, and then redid them. “Then you’ll get sacked.”</p><p>“Will I actually?” Sirius asked, his voice still muffled.</p><p>“Probably not,” Remus said thoughtfully, walking over to the bed. “But why take the risk?”</p><p>Sirius pulled the covers off and eyed Remus suspiciously from between the strands of his hair. “You know exactly who I am and <em>exactly</em> why I’d take the risk, especially seeing as I have…what, two more months here anyways?”</p><p>“Ah,” Remus said, and he leaned over him to brush his lips down Sirius’s back. “But think of all you’d miss in those two months.”</p><p>Sirius paused. Then, with a tremendous sigh, he got out of bed.</p><p>“You play dirty,” Sirius said, rubbing at his eyes. Whatever residual eye makeup he had had on smeared everywhere, leaving him with dark circles all over his face. Remus rubbed at his face with the sleeve of his robes. Sirius caught his hand and kissed the back of it tenderly. “But I love it.”</p><p>He made his way into the bathroom, stretching his arms over his head as he went. Remus sat down on a chair in the living room, rereading the assignment that he had given his sixth years.</p><p>“Are you almost ready?” Remus shouted. “It’s a quarter to eight, Sirius.”</p><p>Sirius seemed to be ignoring him completely, though Remus could hear him singing loudly in the shower.</p><p>“<em>I’d like for you and I to go romancing</em>, <em>say the word, your wish is my command</em>,” Sirius sang with bravado. Remus rolled his eyes.</p><p>His eyes fell on one of the photographs of the two of them that they had taken at Windermere. Sirius had had blown it up to be as large as one of the portraits that had once dotted the walls of 12 Grimmauld Place, and had transfigured a frame for it, hanging it up in a prime spot in his living room. The two of them were frozen in time, arms wrapped around each other, hair flying everywhere in the wind, Sirius’s dark hair and his own tawny curls blowing in a dozen different ways. They were both clearly mid-laugh, and their sunglasses glinted with traces of sunlight. Remus could see the delight etched on both of their faces. Remus thought it might be the first picture of himself he had ever truly liked.</p><p>Sirius finally stepped out of the bathroom, half-dressed, hair soaking wet.</p><p>“It’s about time,” Remus huffed. “We’re going to be late.”</p><p>Completely unbothered, Sirius walked over to the portrait proudly. “It’s nice, isn’t it?”</p><p>Remus softened. “Yeah.”</p><p>“So should we send this one out as an engagement photo? We’re kissing in the other one, and I figured that might offend your prudish sensibilities,” Sirius said, wanding his hair dry.</p><p>“What engagement photo?” Remus asked, blinking at him.</p><p>“The one we <em>should</em> have,” Sirius said firmly. “I already cast Geminio on it when it was its normal size, I think I have something like three hundred wallet-sized ones.”</p><p>“Oh for Godric’s sake,” Remus sighed. “Who would we even send this to?”</p><p>Sirius shrugged on his robes and picked up a single textbook, sticking his wand in his pocket. “Andy and Tonks and Ted, the Weasleys, give one to Harry of course, Professor McGonagall, Dean, one for the Grangers, Poppy Pomfrey, Rosmerta…”</p><p>“That’s enough, let’s go,” Remus said briskly, shoving Sirius out the door and shutting it. “We can come up with a list later.”</p><p>“Ah ha,” Sirius crowed victoriously. “So we are sending out engagement pictures!”</p><p>“Fine,” Remus said, laughing as he speed-walked down to the staff room, Sirius at his side. “Yes. We can send out the pictures if you want.”</p><p>“Good,” Sirius said, looking rather pleased with himself. “Seeing as I’ve already sent them out.”</p><p>“What?” Remus asked, startled. “Who got them? When did you send them?”</p><p>“The people I mentioned. Our colleagues. Most of the Gryffindors,” Sirius said breezily.</p><p>“We haven’t even had class yet,” Remus exclaimed.</p><p>“After we saw Harry yesterday, I chased him down and told him to give them out. They’re as popular as chocolate frog cards, he says.” Sirius grinned. “We’re loads better-looking than Morgana, so that makes sense.”</p><p>“You never cease to surprise me,” Remus said, shaking his head affectionately.</p><p>Sirius shot him a crooked smile. “You say it like it’s a bad thing.”</p><p>They slid into two seats in between Professor Sinistra and Professor Burbage, who was dozing off. Most of the professors there looked rather annoyed to be at an early-morning meeting so soon after the holidays.</p><p>“Poor timing for a staff meeting, if you ask me,” Professor Sinistra said, rubbing at her eyes sleepily. “I stayed up late watching the movement of the planets.”</p><p>“Well,” Professor Trelawney said from a row ahead of them, “I stayed up late as well, viewing the planets in relation to ourselves and divining what it all might mean. Divination, as you know, rules the world around us. It is common for me to have late evenings, but that is the burden of Seeing.”</p><p>Sirius rolled his eyes.</p><p>“Thanks for your engagement card, by the way,” Professor Sinistra said, stifling a yawn. “Quite lovely, really. I really liked the message at the bottom of the photo.”</p><p>Remus gave Sirius a sideways look. “Oh, thank you. Could you remind me what we wrote on it?”</p><p>Professor Sinistra thought about it. “Something about the two of you taking a break from snogging to take the picture.”</p><p>“<em>Oh</em>,” Remus said faintly, his voice high. “Is that so?”</p><p>“Don’t worry, Moony, I only wrote that as a joke on some people’s cards, not the students’,” Sirius said quickly. “Sinistra, for one. Tonks, for another.”</p><p>Remus snorted. “So you only sent it to our fellow queers, then.”</p><p>“Precisely.”</p><p>Within a few moments, Dumbledore swept into the room, accompanied by a particularly sour-looking Snape and a very perplexed-looking Professor McGonagall.</p><p>“Yeah, I didn’t send any to Dumbledore though,” Sirius said quietly.</p><p>“Good morning, all,” Dumbledore said from his perch at the front of the room. “I trust you all had good holidays.”</p><p>“He looks as though he’s seen better days, hasn’t he?” Professor Burbage whispered.</p><p>Remus could not deny it. Dumbledore looked more haggard than ever, as though he had not slept well since he and Sirius had last been in his office.</p><p>“You might be wondering why I called this meeting,” Dumbledore said quietly. “Seeing as this meeting was not in the schedule that Mr. Filch kindly provided you all at the beginning of the academic year. You see, there is a new development, and I wanted you all to know before the rumors begin to break loose.”</p><p>Sirius raised his eyebrows at Remus. Remus arched an eyebrow in return.</p><p>“After giving it considerable thought, I have decided that I will be stepping down from my position as Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry at the end of this academic year,” Dumbledore announced.</p><p>Next to Remus, Professor Sinistra gasped. Remus looked at Sirius, whose eyebrows had flown up in surprise. Remus did not know what to feel, and his befuddled expression must have been quite the face to behold. He was certain that it was mirrored on at least a dozen faces throughout the room. Dumbledore looked around, smiled softly, and continued.</p><p>“Teaching young wizards and witches has been a priority of mine since I was young. I have had the privilege of being a professor and a Headmaster here for decades. But I believe that it is time for me to step aside and consider whether there might be other projects for me to take on. All things have beginnings and endings, as my dear Fawkes has taught me, and I believe that this is the time for me to bring my time here at Hogwarts to a close. I will now take any questions that you might have.”</p><p>“Yer not stepping down because yer being forced to, are yeh, Professor Dumbledore?” Hagrid boomed from the back.</p><p>Dumbledore shook his head. “Not at all, Hagrid. I simply feel as though it is my time to take a step back, much as being appointed Headmaster was part of my duty to step forward.”</p><p>“But Headmaster,” Professor Sprout piped up, sounding surprised. “Why now?”</p><p>“It is as good a time as ever,” Dumbledore said. “There is much I must reflect upon while I still have the capacity to do so, and I feel as though this reflection would be more productive and more meaningful if I were to do it after retiring.”</p><p>“Who will step in your shoes, Professor Dumbledore?” Filch asked, looking like he was near tears.</p><p>“Thank you for your question, Argus. Over the holidays, I was in communications with the Board of Governors, who unanimously agreed with me as to the future of the position. It is thus with great pleasure that I introduce your new Headmistress, beginning with the 1995-96 school year, Minerva McGonagall.”</p><p>Dumbledore began clapping with a sonic boom of his hands, and the rest of them followed suit. Sirius stuck two fingers in his mouth and whistled loudly. Remus clapped as loudly as he could, feeling his heart burst with pride. He noticed that Professor McGonagall reddened slightly.</p><p>“I trust that Minerva will continue leading Hogwarts into a brilliant future – and a new millennium that approaches,” Dumbledore said, looking lighter than he had when he walked in.</p><p>“When will the students be finding out, Headmaster?” Snape asked silkily.</p><p>“At dinner this evening. Afterwards, I ask the Heads of House to visit their respective students’ common rooms and ask if anyone has any questions. Of course, I personally am willing to meet with any students who have any questions.”</p><p>“Wonderful,” Snape said flatly.</p><p>“Does anyone have any other questions?” Dumbledore asked.</p><p>“Allow me to say, Headmaster,” Professor McGonagall said clearly, “that it is with great joy that I take on this position. I look forward to working with each and every one to you to improve the lives and studies of every student that walks through the doors of this castle. This is not a job that I plan to do alone, nor would I wish to do it by myself.”</p><p>Dumbledore smiled. “I could not have said it better myself, Minerva. And with that, I call this meeting to a close. May the last stretch of the school year be kind to all of you, and may your teaching be as excellent as usual.”</p><p>“Look at Snivellus,” Sirius snorted. “Probably wanted to be Headmaster himself.”</p><p>Remus turned his head to see Snape, looking quite irritated and concealing it rather poorly. His smile as he spoke to Professor Hubbard, of Ancient Runes, was painful-looking indeed.</p><p>“I can’t believe Dumbledore is stepping down,” Professor Sinistra said, shaking her head. Her soft curls flew from side to side. “It feels as though he’s been here since the founding itself.”</p><p>Remus smiled. “I doubt he’d be thrilled to hear that, since it means he would’ve been around a thousand years ago.”</p><p>“I mean, he practically was,” Professor Burbage said, standing up and yawning profusely. “It’s the end of an era.”</p><p>“And the beginning of a better one,” Sirius said earnestly. “Moony, let’s go wish Professor McGonagall luck.”</p><p>Remus bade Professors Burbage and Sinistra adieu, and followed Sirius to the front of the room, where Professor McGonagall was accepting congratulations from Professor Sprout and Madam Hooch.</p><p>“<em>My dearest Professor</em>,” Sirius declared, as soon as they had stepped away. “I’m absolutely thrilled for you. The new great sadness of my life is that I won’t be around to witness your surely spectacular tenure as Headmistress. But not to worry, I will keep tabs on all the events and will be delighted to meet you for a butterbeer and gillywater on me at The Three Broomsticks whenever you see fit to grace me with your presence.”</p><p>“We’re delighted for you,” Remus chimed in. “You’ll be brilliant, Professor.”</p><p>Professor McGonagall looked like she was fighting back a smile. “Thank you, both of you.”</p><p>“We ran into a friend of yours over the holidays,” Sirius offered. “Miriam Strout.”</p><p>Professor McGonagall’s face broke out into a smile at last. “Mimi is brilliant. She’s one of the best Mind Healers in Britain, I’d say.”</p><p>Sirius whispered furiously to Remus. “<em>Mimi</em>?”</p><p>“Well, she spoke very highly of you,” Remus said easily.</p><p>Professor McGonagall looked touched. “I mean to send her an owl one of these days. Nice of you to tell me. Now, if you’ll excuse me.”</p><p>She was pulled into another fragment of conversation by Madam Hooch. Dumbledore leaned over suddenly, breaking away from his conversation with Professor Trelawney, who kept saying that she had foreseen this happening in the stars. “I trust that you both had a good holiday.”</p><p>“Yes,” Sirius said tightly. “We did.”</p><p>Dumbledore studied the two of them. “I was hoping that after my moment of honesty with the two of you, you might not think I’m out to get you, Sirius.”</p><p>Sirius shook his head. “A moment’s honesty doesn’t make up for decades of lies.”</p><p>Dumbledore frowned. “No. I suppose not. But I must say, regardless of your personal feelings for me, that our conversation assisted me greatly.”</p><p>“How?” Remus asked quizzically.</p><p>“I have done a good deal of harm,” Dumbledore said quietly. “Some intentionally, thinking of the greater ends beyond it, most done unintentionally, but still painful.”</p><p>“Okay,” Remus blinked.</p><p>“Our conversation made me realize with clarity that it was imperative that I step away from Hogwarts and resign gracefully. I believe it is time to dedicate myself to history, and self-reflection, and to be so firmly focused in the past while purporting to lead students into the future is a very dangerous balancing act indeed.”</p><p>Remus knitted his eyebrows together. “So you’re saying that your conversation with us made you realize that you wanted to leave?”</p><p>Dumbledore shook his head. “There’s never any one singular reason behind anything, Remus. But I will say that speaking to you was an eye-opening experience indeed.”</p><p>“Well,” Sirius said sharply. “Glad to know that at the very least, our suffering has been able to be the source of self-reflection for you. Then it was all worth it, just for that.”</p><p>Dumbledore, seeming to miss the dryness in Sirius’s voice, nodded. “Not only will I reflect on your suffering, but I will reflect on your love as well.”</p><p>Remus was not quite sure what to say. Dumbledore pressed onwards.</p><p>“There is…someone I must visit,” Dumbledore said in a low voice, and it was painful. “Someone who holds much of my past wrapped up in his. I have thought of him often since the both of you started, and as the wounds are deep, they have not been able to heal even after decades.”</p><p>Sirius frowned. “Why are you telling us this?”</p><p>Dumbledore looked off to the side. “It is a small world, Sirius, Remus. I have no doubt that even after I leave Hogwarts, and you do as well, Sirius, we will continue to run into each other in some capacity. I would hope that when you do, you would look on me in a kinder way than perhaps you do now.”</p><p>“We’ll see,” Remus said noncommittally. </p><p>Dumbledore nodded, steepling his hands together. “I must depart for a meeting with the Ministry, but I hope that you both continue to do well.”</p><p>Remus and Sirius looked at each other.</p><p>“Headmistress McGonagall, then,” Remus said, as they left the staff room.</p><p>“Suppose so,” Sirius smiled, tossing his hair back. “One day it’ll be Headmaster Lupin.”</p><p>“Oh, don’t you dare,” Remus laughed. “That’s preposterous. Imagine me as a Headmaster.”</p><p>Sirius cocked his head to the side. “I could, quite easily, actually.”</p><p>Remus flushed. “You’re exaggerating.”</p><p>“I’m doing no such thing,” Sirius said plainly, as they stopped in a niche just around the corner from the Charms classroom where Sirius was due to have class with the fourth year Gryffindors and Ravenclaws. “Kiss me goodbye?”</p><p>Remus reached forward and kissed him softly. He let go slightly, but Sirius pulled him back in and kissed him with meaning.</p><p>“<em>Hey</em>,” Harry said loudly, waving his arms. “Enough of this. Just because you’re getting married doesn’t mean you need to be snogging all over the castle.”</p><p>Remus wiped his mouth shyly. “Er, sorry Harry. Good morning.”</p><p>“Oh, you,” Sirius said with a delighted grin. “What, did we take your preferred snogging corner or something? Go find somewhere else, then.”</p><p>Harry looked as though he could’ve jinxed his godfather just with the force of the annoyed look in his eyes. He looked rather like James.</p><p>***</p><p>For several weeks, Harry was nearly impossible to catch a hold of. He was very busy with preparing for exams (this, Remus was a bit hard-pressed to believe) and even busier with the preparations for the upcoming Quidditch game (this, Remus believed completely), which would determine who would lift the Quidditch Cup at the end of the year. Sometimes, Remus and Sirius would alternate attending Gryffindor Quidditch practices (though Harry confided in Remus that he preferred for Remus to come alone sometimes – Sirius often got into arguments with Madam Hooch about proper refereeing of practice matches) just to cheer Harry on. A complicated bit of math meant that if Gryffindor managed to beat Slytherin by a considerable margin, Gryffindor would win. Any less than two hundred points, and it would be likely that Hufflepuff would emerge as the victors.</p><p>The night before the game, Remus and Sirius invited Harry, Hermione, and Ron out to dinner at The Three Broomsticks as a good-luck treat for Harry. Harry looked fairly nervous, pushing around his food on his plate as Ron rambled on and on about the Cannons and their own chances at dominating the table, which to Remus looked about as slim as West Ham taking the Premier League trophy that season.</p><p>“Do you think we might talk about something other than Quidditch?” Hermione said significantly, jutting her chin out towards Harry.</p><p>“Right,” Ron said uncertainly. He paused. “What is there to talk about?”</p><p>“Honestly,” Hermione huffed. “We go to a school for magic. Certainly, there’s something more interesting to discuss than just sports. Professor Lupin, what did you think of the treatise that came out last week about Boggarts?”</p><p>“<em>Anyways</em>,” Ron said quickly, clearly not looking forward to a Friday night academic discussion. “How’s your wedding planning going?”</p><p>Remus and Sirius exchanged a look. “Well,” Remus said honestly. “We haven’t been the best at planning it out.”</p><p>Harry lifted his head from his plate. “Have you thought about what kind of music you’d want?”</p><p>“All our records, I suppose,” Remus said, helping himself to a forkful of potatoes.</p><p>“I think I’d like to invite David Bowie himself to the wedding,” Sirius said thoughtfully. “Reckon he’d come, Moony?”</p><p>“What kind of cake do you want?” Ron asked.</p><p>“Strawberry, vanilla, carrot cake,” Sirius said, cocking his head towards Remus. “Right?”</p><p>Remus glowered at him. “Right.”</p><p>“Actually?” Harry asked, frowning suddenly.</p><p>“Absolutely not,” Sirius laughed. “Remus would have a fit. I think he’d try to divorce me before we’re even married.”</p><p>“Everyone wants to come to the wedding,” Remus sighed. “I can’t imagine how we’re going to fit everyone in. At this rate, we’ll have to get married in a park or something. No way will everyone fit under a tent.”</p><p>“You’ll figure it out,” Harry said with a smile.</p><p>“Thanks again for the engagement pictures,” Hermione said. “My parents were a little confused but I think they’re pleased. They were surprised that it didn’t move, though.”</p><p>Sirius grinned. “Muggles took it on a camera when we were up at the lakes. It’s not a wizarding photograph.”</p><p>“Come off it,” Ron said, snorting suddenly. “You two, interacting with muggles. I have a hard time imagining that.”</p><p>“I lived among muggles for years,” Remus said mildly.</p><p>“They were very nice,” Sirius said easily. “The Lake District was quite nice. We bought a house up there.”</p><p>“Really?” Ron and Hermione asked at the same time. Harry smiled at Remus, as though to prove that he could keep a secret, even from them. Remus smiled back.</p><p>“Yep. We bought it as a holiday house, really. And a future retirement house.”</p><p>“But what about Grimmauld Place?” Ron gaped. “That’s a real mansion! You’re just going to give it up like that?”</p><p>Sirius shrugged. “I’m selling it. We’re going to buy one in Hogsmeade, seeing as I need to live somewhere next year while Moony’s teaching you lot.”</p><p>Ron looked crestfallen. “I can’t believe Flitwick’s coming back. Your classes are loads better.”</p><p>Sirius looked heartened. “I’m glad to hear it. But you’ll do great with Flitwick, he’s a brilliant professor in his own right. I’ll just be a bit away, you know.”</p><p>Remus could hear the edges of Sirius’s voice fraying with sadness by the end, and chose to change the topic once more into something that all of them could agree on: how poorly the Slytherins had behaved that entire week, in advance of the game against Gryffindor.</p><p>“Malfoy nearly hexed us into next week!” Ron protested. “And Snape only took off a single point.”</p><p>“They’ve really been quite terrible,” Hermione frowned. “I nearly got hit by a Bat-Bogey from Millicent Bulstrode.”</p><p>“And Crabbe and Goyle tried to lock us in a closet!” Harry added.</p><p>“Ah,” Sirius said wisely. “I’ve been stuck in a closet before too.” Remus looked over at him, and Sirius winked back at him affectionately.</p><p>“I hope McGonagall fires him when she’s Headmistress,” Ron said blithely.</p><p>“She can’t just do that for no reason, Ron,” Hermione said.</p><p>“There’s perfectly good cause, Hermione. The reason is that he’s a git,” Sirius said, to Ron and Harry’s shouts of laughter.</p><p>“I can’t believe Dumbledore’s leaving,” Harry said, shaking his head. “He’s been here forever. I wonder what he’s going to do.”</p><p>“<em>The Prophet</em> reckons he’s going to go out for Minister of Magic,” Ron said.</p><p>Remus made a face.</p><p>“Maybe he’s going back to his research,” Hermione offered. “He did come up with the twelve uses of dragon’s blood, you know.”</p><p>“We know, Hermione,” Ron rolled his eyes. “You’ve only told us about a million times over the last four years.”</p><p>“Has it really been four years?” Hermione asked, taking a drink of butterbeer. She frowned. “It’s nearly time for finals.”</p><p>“It’s nearly time for the holidays,” Harry said cheerfully. “And I never have to go back to Privet Drive again.”</p><p>He and Sirius clinked glasses enthusiastically.</p><p>“What are the two of you doing for the holidays?” Remus asked.</p><p>“My parents want to go on holiday to Australia,” Hermione said. “We’ve never been.”</p><p>“Brilliant,” Harry said eagerly. “How about you, Ron?”</p><p>Ron shrugged. “There’s talk that we might visit Charlie in Romania, but maybe not. Otherwise, I’ll be around the Burrow.”</p><p>“Well, both of you are more than welcome to join us as much or as little as you’d like,” Remus said kindly.</p><p>“At least for part of the summer,” Sirius said brightly. “We’ll be gone for the other half.”</p><p>Harry and Remus looked at each other and frowned. “Where will we be the other half?”</p><p>Sirius looked fit to bursting. “The three of us are going on a proper holiday for once. We’re going to America.”</p><p>*</p><p>“We’re going to be late!” Sirius bellowed, as Remus shoved his arms through his Gryffindor jersey, which Sirius had transfigured for him.</p><p>Remus checked his wristwatch immediately. “Sirius, the game isn’t for another <em>half an hour</em>!”</p><p>“Yes, but what if Harry needs us before then?” Sirius objected.</p><p>“Then he knows exactly where we are,” Remus huffed, but nonetheless allowed Sirius to swipe red paint underneath his eyes and then shove him out the door. “I still feel as though we aren’t supposed to show favoritism. It might not be proper.”</p><p>“Propriety be damned,” Sirius said easily.</p><p>They ran into Lavender and Parvati just outside Gryffindor Tower. Both of them had matching plaits interwoven with thick red ribbon.</p><p>“Good morning,” Remus said with a smile. “How are the both of you, Lavender, Parvati?”</p><p>“Ah look,” Sirius said with a grin, pointing at the loose braid hung over his Gryffindor jersey. “We all have braids. I reckon yours are a lot nicer than mine.”</p><p>“Thank you, Professor,” Parvati said modestly. “I did Lavender’s and my own this morning. I could teach you to do the same, if you’d like.”</p><p>“Would you?” Sirius asked genuinely, lowering his sunglasses onto the bridge of his nose. “I’ve been trying to charm it for years, and nothing like yours.”</p><p>Parvati looked pleased. “My mum taught me. They’re easier than they look, don’t worry.”</p><p>“Are you ready for the game?” Lavender asked, clearing her throat. “I didn’t know professors could support a team.”</p><p>Remus looked wryly at Sirius’s crimson apparel and then down at his own jersey. “Well, we were both Gryffindors. Still are, I suppose.”</p><p>“That’s brilliant,” Parvati chirped, as they burst onto the Quidditch field, which was already crammed with students. The day was brilliantly sunny and clear. “Here’s to a Gryffindor victory, then!”</p><p>“Cheers to that,” Remus said, and he and Sirius walked up the stands to where the teachers were all huddled together. Snape was a good way off from them, covered in Slytherin green.</p><p>“Are we all here supporting Gryffindor?” Sirius asked Professor Sinistra, sliding in next to her.</p><p>“I’m here as a nonpartisan Ravenclaw observer,” she replied immediately, but underneath the shadow of the stands, let out a small red spark from her wand. Sirius grinned.</p><p>“I do hope that Gryffindor wins,” Madam Pomfrey whispered from behind them. Remus turned to smile at her. “Even if I’m a Hufflepuff.”</p><p>“Your support means the world, Madam Pomfrey,” Remus grinned.</p><p>The minutes swept by them in a flash, and Remus thought pleasantly that there were certainly less enjoyable ways to spend a Saturday than holding hands with Sirius, surrounded by their colleagues, wearing Gryffindor red in the sunshine. They spotted Professor McGonagall up in the box with Lee Jordan, who looked wickedly excited. She was wearing a Quidditch jersey of her own underneath her black robes.</p><p>“I’m nervous for Harry,” Sirius whispered. He handed Remus a set of their golden binoculars.</p><p>“Me too,” Remus whispered back, wrapping the lanyard around his neck and peering through the binoculars. “But he’ll do great. I know he will.”</p><p>Sirius squeezed his eyes shut, and then they flew open.</p><p>“What are you doing?”</p><p>“Trying to summon Prongs to help us out,” Sirius smirked. “But I realized he’s probably already here, somewhere. You think he’d miss a match?”</p><p>Lee Jordan’s voice boomed from the box.</p><p>“<em>Let me hear a roar for your Gryffindor team – Johnson, Spinnet, Bell, Weasley, Weasley, bloody hell, </em>a final <em>Weasley, and your Seeker….Potter!”</em></p><p>The Gryffindor stands let up a rowdy cheer, and Remus whooped himself. Sirius, of course, looked beside himself, as he stood up and hollered at the team as they zoomed over their heads. Their Quidditch robes flapped dramatically around them. Remus spotted Harry’s messy hair and shining Firebolt, and smiled. Lee Jordan sighed theatrically, and lowered his voice to sound considerably less enthused than he had a moment ago.</p><p>
  <em>“And on the other end, snakelike as usual – but Professor McGonagall, it’s their house animal, isn’t it? – your Slytherin team: Bletchley, Montague, Warrington, Derrick, Bole, Pucey, and your Seeker…Malfoy.”</em>
</p><p>The Slytherin team, looking sleek as ever, flew out onto the pitch. The Slytherin stands began a chant and clapped uproariously for them. Madam Hooch let the Snitch out, and the game began in earnest.</p><p>It was a dirty game from the beginning, with Malfoy pulling on Alicia’s broomstick more than once, Montague nearly pelting a Bludger directly at George Weasley’s nose (who responded in earnest, knocking out one of Montague’s teeth), and a good deal more fouls than Remus was used to seeing. Ron himself was nearly pushed off his broom, and Katie Bell was so irritated taking that penalty that she missed. Remus’s stomach grumbled uneasily for Harry, who continued to get fouled by the Slytherin players. At one point, Sirius jumped up and shouted about a penalty that needed to be given for blatant disrespect to the Gryffindor Seeker, and Remus did not have the heart to stop him and plead for decorum. From up in the commentator’s box, he could see Professor McGonagall jabbering angrily.</p><p>“It’s one hundred and sixty to one hundred,” Sirius said, tapping his foot wildly, about forty-five minutes in. “We’re sixty points up. If we catch the Snitch, we win. But what if we don’t?”</p><p>“Easy,” Remus said, wrapping his arm around his waist. “It’s going to be fine.”</p><p>And indeed, it was. After dodging a number of attempted fouls, Harry began a truly spectacular dive that left the stands gasping and Remus and Sirius groaning. Remus buried his face in his hands as he and Malfoy dove in tandem for the Snitch.</p><p>“I can’t watch,” Remus moaned. “What if he gets hurt?”</p><p>Sirius shouted. “Moony!! He’s done it! Harry’s caught it!!”</p><p>“What?” Remus said, unclasping his hands from his face and focusing the binoculars on Harry. Indeed, there he was, hovering several feet above the ground, hand gripping the Snitch for dear life. His face looked euphoric as the rest of the Gryffindors piled on top of him.</p><p>“<em>Potter catches the Golden Snitch! Three hundred and ten to one hundred. For the second year in a row, Gryffindor wins the Quidditch Cup! Slytherin loses!</em>” Lee Jordan shouted. “<em>Go Lions!”</em></p><p>Remus and Sirius ran down to the Quidditch pitch, surrounded by their cheering students on all sides, maneuvering their way through gaggles of hugging and thrilled Gryffindors, until they reached Harry, nearly at the edges of the pitch and practically in the Forbidden Forest, his hair wildly mussed and drenched with sweat, his crimson Quidditch robes nearly falling off his skinny shoulders, his smile brilliant against his dark skin, and his green eyes blazing with pride.</p><p>“You did it!” Remus shouted, and he hugged Harry tightly. Sirius threw himself on the two of them, and the three of them squeezed each other.</p><p>((From several feet away, Remus heard Seamus explaining to Lavender and Parvati, as well as a number of surprised Ravenclaws, that Professor Black was Harry’s godfather. Remus figured that the information was bound to be released at some point, and this seemed like as fitting an occasion as ever.))</p><p>“We’re so proud of you,” Sirius beamed, ruffling Harry’s hair.</p><p>“I know you are,” Harry said, puffing his chest out. “And I know dad and my mum are too. It felt like I had a piece of them today, you know?”</p><p>“They’re always with you, Harry,” Remus began kindly.</p><p>“No,” Harry said. “I mean, literally.”</p><p>Harry slipped the Quidditch robes off, and turned around. Underneath his robes, he was wearing a Quidditch jersey that Remus and Sirius knew all too well, one emblazoned not with Harry’s number 7, but James Potter’s number 12.<br/>
<br/>
Remus felt his heart catch in his throat. As Sirius hugged his godson once more, Remus noticed a sudden movement at the edges of the forest. He could have sworn that he saw a stag and doe nearby, though when he focused in on them with his binoculars, they disappeared into the woodlands.<br/>
<br/>
Perhaps it was a trick of the light. Perhaps not. After all, stranger things had been known to happen at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As we are so close to the end, I've thrown my normal posting schedule to the winds. I finished writing the last chapter, and I'd like to share that with you all soon! Stay tuned.</p><p>Thanks to everyone who reads, comments, bookmarks, etc. &lt;3 When I was first writing this story, I had no idea what I was doing (and maybe I still don't), but the comments made me feel more comfortable about posting my writing. It's still a little nerve-wracking, even months later, to post anything, so I appreciate hearing from the readers!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The thrill of victory endured for the rest of that sun-dappled, sweet-smelling May, carrying Remus and Sirius past yet another full moon and keeping Harry and the rest of Gryffindor House jubilant until the academic year came to an end. The Gryffindor trophy sat in the common room in a place of honor, Harry told Remus and Sirius with great pride, and the whole House was euphoric about winning once more. Remus did notice that the Gryffindors tended to walk a bit more buoyantly than usual. Sirius caught Harry nearly strutting down a corridor once, drew Remus’s attention to it in silence, and they both snickered at the way that Harry could sometimes resemble James even without trying.</p><p>On the twenty-sixth of May, the last day of class before revision week (the week and a half devoted to studying – and more often, mischief – that preceded final exams and the administration of O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s for the upperclassmen), Remus taught his final class of the semester to the second years. They gave him surprisingly raucous applause that made Remus’s heart feel as though it could soar straight through the vaulted ceilings of his classroom. It had been a memorable year, no doubt. Certainly, Sirius’s presence had colored a good deal of it, as had his relationship with their Harry, but his students had been brilliant and talented and had given so much of themselves in the pursuit of learning Defense Against the Dark Arts. He swelled with gratitude to think of how they had advanced that year. It was true what he had told Miriam – <em>Mimi</em> – Strout at Tonks’s birthday party. This was his dream job. He loved his students, and he adored teaching, and while he might never quite forgive Dumbledore for his interference in Sirius’s life and Harry’s, he would be loath to forget that he had granted him an opportunity to be a professor in the first place.</p><p>Classes ended early, and Remus retreated to his office, with all of its friendly clutter, to wait for Sirius to let his students out. He looked around at the treatise on vampires that he had first read over the summer at Grimmauld Place, Uncle Alphard’s studies, which he had assigned to the N.E.W.T. students, and the huge blank book that Sirius had gifted him for his birthday, and he felt a glow of warmth within him that could only be accurately described as contentedness. When Sirius arrived, Remus did not press him on the details of his own final classes, as he gleaned all that he needed to know from the glassy-eyed expression on his face.</p><p>“I can’t believe it’s over,” Sirius sighed, throwing himself into a chair and jutting his lip out. “This was the fastest year on record, Moony. It must be. These kids need to spend more time in school. Back when we were young, we were in school <em>forever</em>. I feel as though I should make them all learn Charms this weekend. Maybe I will.”</p><p>Remus smiled at him fondly. “Time works funny when you’re on this side, doesn’t it? It’ll work even funnier when we’re grading papers and exams next month.”</p><p>Sirius groaned. “I won’t miss that part next year.” Then, he grew quiet. “I’ll miss everything else, though. You, Harry, the kids, Sinistra and Burbage and McGonagall and them. You’ll have to keep very detailed notes as to everything that happens in the castle.”</p><p>“I’ll consider it an imperative part of this job,” Remus smiled gently, putting down his book. Then, his voice softened. “Are you okay?”</p><p>“No,” Sirius said honestly, and Remus could see that he was fighting the urge to say that he was, in fact, fine. Remus was proud of him for resisting it. “I’m going to miss this job.”</p><p>“I know,” Remus said softly, and he reached over to stroke Sirius’s hand. “We’ll miss you too. It won’t be the same without you. But you’ll be right there in Hogsmeade, and I can’t imagine McGonagall would be opposed to you staying over and even eating dinner here. She is rather fond of you.”</p><p>“Not fond enough to keep me as a Charms professor, though,” Sirius sighed. “I asked her <em>very</em> subtly yesterday whether she had plans to add more faculty per subject.”</p><p>“Really?” Remus asked, surprised. “What did she say?”</p><p>“She said that she didn’t have any plans to do so,” Sirius said bitterly. “One professor per subject, under Ministry guidelines. Though she did apologize – says I’m quite talented as a professor and everything, and she’ll call me in when it’s time to do end of the year reviews.” He put his face down into his folded arms, and Remus raked his fingers tenderly through his hair. He looked down at Sirius’s bended form sympathetically.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Padfoot,” Remus said.</p><p>“It’ll be okay,” Sirius said bravely, lifting his head back out of his arms. “Do you want to take a walk or something, Moony? Before we’re meeting Harry for tea?”</p><p>The two of them had asked Harry if he would like to have a celebratory tea, just the three of them, to mark the end of another school year somewhere in the four o’clock hour. Harry had worked hard, after all, managing an academic schedule with Quidditch practice in addition to his normal mischief. Harry had agreed enthusiastically. For once, he had not insisted on bringing Hermione and Ron with him, and Sirius was convinced that because of this, he was going to broach the topic of a new significant other.</p><p>“Sure,” Remus agreed. “Let me just get my–”</p><p>“Brilliant,” Sirius interjected, and immediately transformed into Padfoot. Remus sighed, but did not have the heart to ask Sirius to transform back, not when he was already glum over the end of the academic year. He took his leash off one of the pegs in his office and fastened it around his neck, Padfoot waiting patiently for Remus to get back up with cracking knees.</p><p>“Good boy,” Remus said lightly, bending at the waist and pressing a kiss on Padfoot’s forehead. “You’re better behaved than my fiancé is most of the time. I should just keep you.”</p><p>Padfoot barked warningly.</p><p>The May weather was unapologetically glorious, and Remus felt as though he were struck with Cupid’s arrow all over again, this time with the school itself. The Hogwarts grounds were seldom more beautiful than they were in the last days of May, after all, and it was peculiar to think that the autumnal chills of October and frostbitten landscape of January and waterlogged mudbanks of March were all the same place as this field of ambrosia, in the same way that it was sometimes difficult to think that his home at age eleven and his home at age thirty-five were one and the same, and that the standoffish, aristocratic young man he had met at eleven was now the love of his life. Flowers of all sorts had bloomed in vibrant patches all around the grounds, splattering the greenery with bouquets of yellow buttercups, purple violets, and a number of plants that Remus must have once learned for Herbology but had long lost to time. The trees were once again thick with leaves.</p><p>As they walked around the Great Lake, Padfoot nosing into the flowers and sneezing occasionally, Remus remembered the days when the Marauders, later accompanied by Marlene, Dorcas, Mary, and Lily, would lounge in the shadows of the trees surrounding the Great Lake. Sirius clearly had the same idea, as Padfoot strained against the leash and dragged Remus over to what had once been deemed James Potter’s favorite tree, where he had once carved <em>JP + EL</em> with Sirius’s enchanted penknife in a fit of seventh year glee.</p><p>((Sirius and Remus had written their own initials on a tree, of course, a jagged <em>RL + SB</em>, though that tree was deeper into the Forbidden Forest. They had carried it out in the half-lucid moments after a full moon. They had visited it just a week or two ago, and Sirius had carved over it with determination to ensure that it would last for many more decades.))</p><p>“Are we supposed to be lolling around on the grounds as professors? Shouldn’t we be modeling studious behavior now that revision week is beginning?” Remus asked Padfoot wryly, as Padfoot happily thumped his tail against the grass and eyed the tree hopefully. “I don’t know, Sirius, we might as well keep walking.”</p><p>Padfoot whined pitiably.</p><p>“Oh, alright,” Remus said with amusement, lowering himself down to the ground and settling his book in his lap. After a moment, it turned into <em>Pride and Prejudice</em>, and he set himself to reading. “For old time’s sake.”</p><p>Padfoot barked at him and pressed one paw onto Remus’s leg. Remus looked up at him.</p><p>“May I help you?” Remus asked politely.</p><p>Padfoot barked and tried to push the book off Remus’s lap.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I don’t speak canine,” Remus smirked, scratching behind one of Padfoot’s fluffy ears affectionately. “At least, not most of the month.”</p><p>Padfoot gently took the book in his mouth and placed it on the grass next to Remus, throwing himself into Remus’s lap unapologetically and practically knocking the wind out of him.</p><p>“Are you trying to sit in my lap?” Remus wheezed. “Or are you trying to give me a concussion?”</p><p>Padfoot draped his head over Remus’s lap smugly and nosed at Remus’s hand. Remus sighed and began stroking Padfoot’s glossy, dark fur. He looked around and realized that the grounds were surprisingly empty, considering it was the last day of class. It was vaguely suspicious.</p><p>“You’re lucky you’re cute,” Remus said mildly. “Quite cute. Cuter than Sirius, even.”</p><p>Padfoot nipped gently at his hand. Remus shook him off and laughed.</p><p>“Well, if it isn’t Professor Lupin, alias, Monsieur Moony,” a voice said eagerly, as George and Fred stepped out from behind a nearby tree and hovered above them. Their red hair fluttered gently in the light May breeze. Remus squinted up at them, putting his hand over his forehead to shade his eyes from the sun. Padfoot barked at both of them, his tail wagging excitedly.</p><p>“Hello, Fred, hello, George,” Remus greeted them. “Happy last day of class to both of you.”</p><p>“And to <em>you,</em> Professor. Why, I’d say it’s our lucky day. We’ve been trying to catch you alone since your birthday, practically, but you keep being surrounded by your adoring fans.”</p><p>“Far from the truth,” Remus laughed. “I have been quite busy with grading papers, though. Speaking of which, George, I think you owe me one…”</p><p>“Where’s Professor Black?” Fred asked abruptly. “We thought he’d be here with you. We wanted to ask you questions about the Map.”</p><p>“He’s, ah, a bit tied up at the moment,” Remus said. “Something about having to grade essays himself. Speaking of which, Fred, don’t you owe him…”</p><p>“We didn’t know you had a dog,” George interrupted, kneeling down to pet Padfoot. “Since when?”</p><p>Remus looked off into the distance. “Oh. Well. Er. Since 1971.”</p><p>“1971? But don’t dogs live like fifteen years, max?” Fred asked, looking down at Padfoot. Padfoot’s light grey eyes blinked back at him, and his mouth opened into what was an unmistakable smile.</p><p>“The Magical Menagerie says it’s a downright miracle,” Remus deadpanned, biting his lip. “He’s probably going to live forever at this rate.”</p><p>George looked at Fred, and then leaned in to look at Padfoot right in the eye. His eyes flew to Padfoot’s collar, decorated in the same way that the ring on Remus’s engagement ring was, and then back up to Padfoot’s light grey eyes. George’s mouth quirked upwards, and his bright eyes flashed with humor.</p><p>“Professor Lupin,” he said slowly. “What’s your dog’s name?”</p><p>Remus tried and failed to hide his amusement behind his hand. “Well, George, that’s a good question. You see…it’s…”</p><p>“It’s…” Fred prompted, circling his hands. “Come on with it.”</p><p>Sirius transformed on the spot, sitting cross-legged in front of them and grinning ecstatically. “It’s Padfoot.”</p><p>“<em>Sirius</em>!” Remus shouted, though he could not stop his bark of laughter. “You’re not supposed to…you could get in loads of trouble…”</p><p>Sirius looked over at Remus and mouthed the world’s most insincere apology. He then beamed back at Fred and George.</p><p>“Bloody hell,” Fred yelled, falling backwards onto the grass. “You’re an Animagus!”</p><p>George looked as though the dumbstruck smile would be pasted on his mouth for the rest of his life. Remus wished he could take a picture of it.</p><p>“I didn’t know there <em>were</em> any Animagi at Hogwarts,” George said enviously, after scrubbing at his face. “Besides McGonagall, of course.”</p><p>“Wait,” Fred said, frowning. “You’re not on the list, are you?”</p><p>“Mm,” Sirius said easily. “That might be true. Or it might not be, who knows. Either way, I’d recommend not mentioning it to anyone.”</p><p>“We won’t tell anyone,” Fred said assuredly.</p><p>“Well, hang on, Fred,” George said, arching an eyebrow at the two of them. “We might be able to get something good out of this. If we keep our mouths shut, what would we get out of it?”</p><p>Remus sighed. “Sirius, you really shouldn’t have transformed in front of them.”</p><p>“Oh, but Moony, it was <em>such</em> a good opportunity,” Sirius protested.</p><p>“Are you an Animagus too, Professor Lupin?” Fred asked. “Er? Professor Moony?</p><p>Remus half-smiled. “Would I tell you if I was? Professor Lupin will do.”</p><p>“Fair,” George said, nodding approvingly. “You’re a smart bloke, Professor Lupin. Why’d you decide to marry this one?”</p><p>“Watch yourself,” Sirius warned. “I’m smart enough to jinx you into next week.”</p><p>“<em>Anyways</em>,” Fred said hastily, eyeing Sirius’s wand suspiciously. “George is right. In exchange for keeping silent, you owe us, really, Professor Black.”</p><p>Sirius sighed. “What do you want?”</p><p>Fred and George looked at each other. “We want to learn how you finished the Marauder’s Map.”</p><p>“Too many sleepless nights and too much coffee,” Sirius said dismissively. “Next.”</p><p>“We want a real answer,” George complained. “How’d you track everyone?”</p><p>“It’s the Homonculous Charm,” Remus replied mildly.</p><p>“Will you teach us how you got all those detentions in your files?”</p><p>Sirius gave him a small, sideways smile. “We’ll talk about it after you graduate. How about that?”</p><p>“And don’t look too closely at the detention slips until then,” Remus added anxiously.</p><p>Fred and George nodded at each other subtly. They pressed forth.</p><p>“We were hoping you’d explain something – there’s a part that you missed on the Map,” Fred said slowly. “We’ve been working on our own version and have to figure out how to avoid that mistake next year.”</p><p>“<em>Missed</em> something?” Sirius asked, looking scandalized. “Where? That can’t be.”</p><p>“D’you want to see it?” George asked mischievously.</p><p>“Yeah, I want you to put your galleons where your mouth is,” Sirius said heatedly, brushing the grass off his legs and helping Remus up. “That Map is perfect.”</p><p>“First of all, we haven’t got any galleons,” Fred huffed. “Second of all, you missed a spot.”</p><p>“We did,” Remus admitted. “The Room of Requirement.”</p><p>“Besides that,” George said cheerfully. “A classroom just off the Great Hall. Shoddy bit of work, really. I expected better from the so-called Marauders.”</p><p>“Impossible. I want to see this,” Sirius frowned, letting Fred and George lead the way.</p><p>“I don’t think this room exists,” Remus said thoughtfully.</p><p>“Well, we discovered it,” George said smugly.</p><p>“We’re going to be late to meet Harry,” Remus said, checking his watch as they began walking back to the castle. “It’s quarter to four.”</p><p>“He’ll understand,” Sirius said passionately. “We’re defending our <em>honor</em>, Moony! Prongs, too!”</p><p>And so the four of them trekked up to the castle, Sirius arguing with Fred and George the whole way about how, save for the unplottable Room of Requirement, the Map was perfection embodied.</p><p>“So you just go through the Great Hall,” Fred said, opening the heavy door to the Great Hall. “And…”</p><p>“<em>Surprise</em>!”</p><p>A delightful cacophony of noise greeted them as soon as they passed the threshold. Sirius staggered backwards. Remus felt his jaw drop open. The Great Hall had undergone a complete makeover since lunchtime. Lavish decorations had been strung up all over the Great Hall, nearly as elaborate as the ones that Remus had seen at the Yule Ball, once upon a December, all gold and shimmering with glitter. Balloons were blown up everywhere, even larger than the ones at his birthday party just two months ago. The four tables had been pushed to the side, somehow, leaving a large space in the middle of the Great Hall where – it had to be <em>hundreds</em> of them, Remus thought wildly – their students were cheering and waving noisemakers enthusiastically, some sitting at the small tables that had been put up at some point between lunchtime and now. The thick velvet curtains had been pulled down to cover the large windows, and small fairy lights flickered around the entire Great Hall instead. The bewitched ceiling, rather than reflecting a sunlit May day, sparkled with stars and a sliver of a crescent moon. A dozen small saplings surrounded the teachers’ dais. Many of them were wearing formal robes. From somewhere in the back, Remus could hear the beginning notes of Bowie’s <em>Let’s Dance</em>. The celebration felt like New Year’s Day.</p><p>“What the devil is this?” Sirius asked, his eyebrows shooting up.</p><p>“It’s a surprise party,” Fred said, looking pleased. Ron hurried over and handed him and George a set of their own dress robes, which they slipped on easily over their clothes. He grinned at them, his face flushed with delight.</p><p>“Are you surprised?” Ron pressed. “Harry’ll be here in a minute, he’s fixing something last minute.”</p><p>“Certainly,” Remus stammered, noticing the platters of food and the appealing arrays of butterbeer on what was usually the Ravenclaw table. “But why…”</p><p>Harry appeared at their side nearly immediately. He was wearing a set of dress robes not unlike his Yule Ball apparel. “You’re here! D’you like it?”</p><p>“Absolutely,” Sirius said dazedly. “But what’s the occasion, Harry?”</p><p>“Well,” Harry said uncertainly. “We thought that since there’s no way that everyone’s going to get to come to the wedding this summer, we’d, er, throw a party beforehand here, you know, a celebration anyways. And also, er, Sirius, as a sort of goodbye to you, too.”</p><p>He pointed at two banners that said <em>Congratulations</em> and <em>Farewell!</em> in elaborate calligraphy. Remus smiled, recognizing the handwriting as none other than Dean Thomas’s.</p><p>“And everyone just agreed to it?” Remus asked incredulously.</p><p>“Course,” Harry said excitedly, walking the two of them down what felt very much like a makeshift aisle leading up to the teachers’ dais. “We all did it together. Mostly the fourth years, but loads of other people chipped in, too, we were just the ones who headed planning. Morag charmed a record player – they’re pretty brilliant about it, really, getting muggle devices to work here, asked Professor Burbage for her help too – and Ron asked Dobby and the House-Elves if they could help us with the food, Hermione really worked on the decorations and the logistics, Luna too, actually, and a bunch of the Slytherins tossed in money for the butterbeer. I did too, ‘course.”</p><p>“Really? The <em>Slytherins</em>?” Sirius asked, his mouth gaping. Remus noticed that among the group, there was a conspicuous number of Slytherins, all dressed up in their fine robes. Astoria Greengrass smiled at them and waved. They waved back.</p><p>“Yeah,” Harry shrugged. “Astoria and her group, mostly.”</p><p>“Wow,” Remus asked, feeling quite touched.</p><p>Harry continued on his spiel, pointing people out as they made their way to the front of the Great Hall. “Justin, Susan, and Ernie helped get the invitations around the whole school. Lavender and Parvati worked to bewitch the ceiling, with Professor Sinistra’s help. Angelina, Katie, and Alicia helped put up the lights. We had to put them up while on broomsticks, it was wicked…I guess Cedric and Cho helped with that too…And then Hagrid helped get the trees. Neville picked them actually, with Professor Sprout’s help. He thought they’d look nice and they all mean something like luck and prosperity or something. <em>Oh</em>, and Padma and Michael Corner argued with Dumbledore to get him to agree to this in the first place. The professors are all having dinner in the staff room, but they were all invited, too.”</p><p>“They…they…” Sirius said, shaking his head in disbelief. “Harry, this is brilliant. When did you plan this? In between Quidditch... and school…”</p><p>Harry grinned, flipping his long hair out of his face. He had been stubborn about not getting a haircut that entire year, and Remus was under a faint suspicion that he was encouraged by his godfather’s own longish waves. “We did a lot of planning over spring holidays. Hermione was brilliant about it. I told her and Ron about it first, of course, and she called us all together in the common room to start planning, and then we started meeting up in the Room of Requirement to finish it off.”</p><p>He looked very chuffed with himself.</p><p>“Harry, this is absolutely incredible,” Remus said truthfully, feeling as light as any of the balloons in the room. “Though I do have one question. How’d you know where we’d be right now?”</p><p>Harry smiled again, looking triumphant. “The Map, of course. I told Fred and George where you’d be. They volunteered to go find you, said they had a lot of questions for you anyways. Really, they were supposed to be here like ten minutes ago, but I imagine they got caught up.”</p><p>“You didn’t have to do all this for us, you know,” Remus said quietly, putting an arm around Harry’s shoulders. “But we’re so incredibly grateful, Harry.”</p><p>“I wanted to, though,” Harry smiled sheepishly. “We all did. You always plan brilliant stuff for me, you know, and I wanted to do something for you in return. Sirius, having you here this year was excellent, you know. And now, you’re getting married, and I get two godfathers out of it.”</p><p>Sirius looked as though his heart would break from the sheer joy of it all. Remus felt it too, the feeling as though his heart could explode from joy, and they leaned down to hug Harry, their godson, the most wonderful young man they knew.</p><p>“You should’ve told us so that we could wear our dress robes,” Remus teased, swiping at his eyes subtly. “We’re the worst dressers here.”</p><p>“Oh, no matter that, Moony,” Sirius said dismissively, and with a flick of his wand, the two of them donned the robes that they had worn at the Yule Ball. Remus even felt his hair being gently combed back. He looked at Sirius, whose hair had been brushed back and looked glossier than ever. Somewhere nearby, Remus saw the flash of a camera.</p><p>“You really are quite talented, Sirius,” Remus mused.</p><p>“Ever the surprise,” Sirius winked, taking his hand.</p><p>“Are you surprised?” Seamus demanded eagerly, clearly not willing to wait until Harry was done talking. “We’ve been waiting for <em>weeks</em>.”</p><p>“It’s been so hard to keep quiet about it all,” Hermione grinned. She was wearing her light blue dress from the Yule Ball. “At first we were going to throw it in a classroom, like your birthday, Professor Lupin, but a bunch more people found out about that party and then wanted to come…like all the second years…and the seventh years…and everyone, really.”</p><p>“We planned your cake out,” Dean said, pointing enthusiastically at the towering chocolate cake.</p><p>“And decorated,” Ginny said, pointing at a larger-than-life picture from the Lake District, even larger than the one hanging up in Sirius’s suite.</p><p>“It’s a bloody good party, we think,” Ron said, sounding pleased. “Brilliant idea of Harry’s, to have a celebration like this, you know.”</p><p>“Now we can all say we went to your wedding in some capacity,” Susan grinned. “My Aunt Amelia will be delighted to hear it.”</p><p>“We picked the stars and the moon because of the ceiling in Professor Black’s office,” Padma said, pointing upwards. “Roger Davies noticed when he went for office hours a month or two ago.”</p><p>Remus was at a loss for words. He was touched so deeply he thought he might have lost his capacity for speech altogether.</p><p>“This is wonderful,” Sirius said hoarsely, beaming at all of them so brightly, it almost hurt to look at him. He was no longer a star, but the sun itself, it seemed.</p><p>“I can’t tell you how grateful we are,” Remus said, “for all of your kindnesses. Thank you, a dozen times over, a million times over.”</p><p>Remus watched Sirius talk to their students, hugging some goodbye, thanking others profusely and offering them spots at their non-existent house in Hogsmeade for the summer – yes, even some of the Slytherins, Remus noted with a smile – and realized that there was no way he could be more grateful for Harry, and for his students, and for Sirius, <em>his Sirius</em>. The gratitude threatened to bowl him over.</p><p>The two of them had been through so much. <em>He</em> had been through so much – little tragedies, huge fits of despair, the moon, the loss of Lily and James and their friends, his own internal battles – and yet had somehow managed to come out on the other side. He was not quite unscathed or unblemished by all those woes and all those losses. The marks were evident, both physical and mental. But regardless of whatever scars he had, literal or figurative, he knew that Sirius loved him with everything he had. And Remus knew that regardless of whatever Sirius had to bear, whether it be melancholia or anger or anything else, Remus would love him back until the day he died, and even beyond that.</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus said suddenly, as he and Sirius approached the cake table, once the Gryffindor table, at long last. “Let’s get married.”</p><p>“Yes, Moony, that’s sort of the point of this party,” Sirius said with a lazy smile, licking chocolate off a pastry.</p><p>Remus gave him an uncontrollable smile. “No. Let’s do it right here.”</p><p>Sirius shot him a look. “In the Great Hall of Hogwarts? Are you having a laugh?”</p><p>“Why not?” Remus asked, taking his hand and pressing his mouth against it. “This place…this castle is where we met, and fell in love – twice over. It has more of our secrets than anywhere else does. Could anything really be more fitting?”</p><p>He marched Sirius down several yards and pointed to the initials still carved on the table, twenty-somewhat years later. Sirius smiled down at the letters fondly, and gave Remus a truly dazzling smile.</p><p>“We could ask one of our students who’s of age to officiate it…and another to serve as the witness…”</p><p>“No need, Black,” a voice said from behind him, and Remus turned to see Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey appraising them. Madam Pomfrey had a bright, delighted smile and dress robes. “You’ll have to forgive me for intruding. I heard your little predicament.”</p><p>“Professor McGonagall!” Sirius shouted. “Madam Pomfrey! What a <em>joy</em>. But what predicament?” </p><p>“I’ll marry you,” Professor McGonagall offered.</p><p>“Though I’ve waited my whole life to hear you say that,” Sirius said solemnly, “my heart does belong to Remus, Professor. But you were a close second.”</p><p>She rolled her eyes at them behind her glasses. “I’ll officiate it, if you’re set on the truly curious idea of getting married in the Great Hall. Unless you’d rather have Dumbledore.”</p><p>“No need,” Remus said immediately.</p><p>“I’d be a very happy witness, Remus dear,” Madam Pomfrey said. “It would be a real pleasure of mine.”</p><p>Remus could not help his toothy, radiant smile. “Let’s do it then? Right now?”</p><p>Sirius grabbed him and kissed him hard on the mouth. “I love you, Remus Lupin. You’re out of your bloody mind sometimes, I reckon. But I am too, so it’s perfect.”</p><p>“Jordan,” McGonagall called out, tapping Lee Jordan on the shoulder. “Use your announcing skills for good, would you? Let people know that Professor Lupin and Professor Black have decided to get married right here.”</p><p>“Wait, we don’t have any rings,” Sirius groaned, as Lee Jordan shouted up a storm.</p><p>“I’d marry you with paper rings, Sirius, I don’t care,” Remus said blithely.</p><p>“I’ll buy you new ones when we visit America,” Sirius said, taking his hand. “Shall we, then?”</p><p>“Yes,” Remus grinned, and they stepped onto the lavishly-adorned dais, flanked by colorful trees, surrounded by love on each and every side.<br/>
Remus looked into Sirius’s magnificent grey eyes, watering slightly, and saw his past, and his present, and his boundless, brilliant future ahead with him, and knew that there was no better place and no better time, and certainly, no better person.</p><p>There, at five o’clock, on the last day of school, in the Great Hall of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, with Madam Poppy Pomfrey as witness, Harry James Potter as the grinning and proud best man to both grooms, and Professor Minerva McGonagall officiating as hundreds of students looked on, Remus Lupin married Sirius Black with an Unbreakable Vow and signed a piece of parchment promising to be his forevermore.<br/>
They had at last found each other once more, despite the misfortunes and heartbreaks that had threatened to bring their love story to a close many times before. Remus felt more than ever than the spirits of their friends were there, cheering them on, James and Lily tearing up as they had throughout their entire wedding, Marlene wolf-whistling, Dorcas clapping, Mary grinning wildly and crying. Even the younger version of Peter as he had once been, perhaps, back in the days before everything had changed, was clapping for them.</p><p>There, as he held Sirius’s face and kissed him, not caring what his students would say for once, ignoring Harry’s pointed but good-natured groans next to him, Remus felt as though he could produce the world’s best Patronus.</p><p>***</p><p>During the dog days of June following the full moon, Remus and Sirius devoted themselves (Remus willingly, Sirius slightly more reluctantly) to grading final papers and final exams. Hermione had come top of the Gryffindor fourth-year class in Charms, Harry in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Remus was thrilled for them, and for the students who had studied hard and managed to excel in his class, those who had struggled along the way and yet passed, and those who had doubted their own talents and surprised themselves. And while Sirius complained non-stop about certain rubbish essay answers, Remus caught him smiling to himself sometimes as he graded leftover Charms papers, ones that he had once vanished away but now had to return to students before the summer holidays.</p><p>Two days before the year ended, as Sirius read his final few essays, Sirius burst out laughing as he read a piece of parchment.</p><p>“Bloody George Weasley,” Sirius said fondly, ticking something off.</p><p>“What did he say?” Remus asked, from his perch on the loveseat that Sirius had insisted on squeezing into his office. “I can’t imagine that Cheering Charms are all that exciting to write about, really.”</p><p>“Charms are plenty exciting,” Sirius said, grinning and throwing his feet up on his desk. “Listen to this one, he wrote this one in April: a number of Charms are better suited to more creative pursuits, thus proving Chadwick Boot’s proposition that Charms are the most straightforward of the magical arts incorrect. For example, Mobilicorpus, Waddiwasi, Permanent Sticking Charms, and Piertotum Locomotor, <em>otherwise known as MWPP (not to be confused with the legendary foursome of Hogwarts tricksters</em>), offer a number of possibilities for imaginative wizards to explore.” </p><p>Remus grinned. “How long d’you reckon it took him to come up with that one?” </p><p>“Too long,” Sirius said, shaking his head. “I’ll miss him. They’re a real headache, the Weasley twins. Bloody talented though. They told me that they wanted to open up a joke shop to rival Zonko’s after they graduate. They want me to help them out.” </p><p>“And what did you tell them?” Remus said, turning the page of <em>The Tempest </em>in his lap. </p><p> “That I’d pay them to do it if they could come up with a good enough idea.” </p><p>Remus looked over at Sirius. “Would you really?" </p><p>Sirius shrugged. “A thousand galleons is a small price to pay for a good laugh, Moony.” </p><p>“Hm,” Remus said, thinking about the sheer thrill of hearing Sirius’s barking laugh, how long he had been deprived of it, and how glorious it was now. “I think you’re right on that one.” </p><p>“You look hot when you’re reading,” Sirius said, and when Remus looked over, Sirius had perched his chin on his fist. </p><p>“Oh no you don’t,” he warned. “You have to keep grading. I’m finished, you’re not.”</p><p>Sirius jumped out of his chair, rushed over to the loveseat, and threw himself on top of Remus. Remus shouted with laughter, holding the book high above their heads so he could at least attempt to read it while Sirius tried to kiss him on the face exaggeratedly. “I just love you so much,” Sirius said, kissing him dramatically. “My hot husband. Top of the Astronomy Tower, you and me, while we have the chance. What do you say?”</p><p>“Two days before the end of school? Absolutely not. Guarantee that Tower is <em>full</em> of hormonal teenagers right now,” Remus scoffed. “Let’s just snog right here.”</p><p>“Really now?” Sirius asked slyly.</p><p>“Once your papers are done.”</p><p>Sirius put his head down on Remus’s chest and sighed. “Swot. Fine. I’ll miss this next year, you know. And you’ll be sorry you didn’t take advantage of this golden opportunity.”</p><p>“You can shag me all you want in Hogsmeade, don’t worry,” Remus murmured, putting his arms around him and continuing to read Prospero’s soliloquy.</p><p>“But it won’t be the same,” Sirius said, and Remus could practically feel his pout.</p><p>“You know what <em>is</em> the same though?” Remus asked softly, putting the book down.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You and me, always. You are my husband, after all.”</p><p>They looked at each other quite soppily.</p><p>“My Moony, the poet,” Sirius said affectionately, looking up at him with soft grey eyes.</p><p>“Next year will be fine,” Remus said, not quite believing it but attempting to be brave. “Harry and I will be right nearby.”</p><p>“And Miriam too,” Sirius said.</p><p>Remus smiled at him.</p><p>“When are you starting with her?” Remus asked.</p><p>“August, I’d think,” Sirius hummed. “We exchanged owls last week. Have to sell Grimmauld Place first, and then we have to buy this new Hogsmeade place, and then America in July.”</p><p>“That’s an awful long trip to America, you know,” Remus mused. “We might even have to take a muggle aeroplane.”</p><p>Sirius looked smug. “I know all about that, thanks to Charity Burbage.”</p><p>“Thanks to <em>Charity</em>?” Remus coughed incredulously. “I’m half-muggle! I’ve told you this loads of times! Remember when we went to the airport?”</p><p>“It’s not all about you, Moony,” Sirius said primly. “But I’m excited for this trip. Harry, too. He told me as much.”</p><p>“Are you still going to buy rings in America?” Remus asked, looking down at his hand. A week after the wedding, Sirius had arranged for a jeweler in Hogsmeade to burn slim gold bands for them, ones that looked like ribbons braided together. Remus rather liked the delicacy of them.</p><p>“Whatever you want,” Sirius said easily.</p><p>“I don’t care. To hell with the rings. I have you, Sirius, and you’re as good as gold,” Remus said. “Better than, really.”</p><p>Sirius kissed him softly. “Damn you and your pretty words.”</p><p>A sudden ghostly Patronus ran through the office, and to their surprise, it was neither Dumbledore’s phoenix, nor Harry’s stag, but Professor McGonagall’s cat, which Remus had seen just once before. It was the carbon copy of her Animagus form. </p><p>“Black, Lupin, would you please meet me in my office?”</p><p>Sirius looked at Remus. “It wasn’t me. I’m not getting stuck in detention for the last two nights of the year.” </p><p>Remus laughed, and then huffed. “We’re not students. No one is putting us in detention…I think. I hope?”</p><p>The two of them headed off towards Professor McGonagall’s office. Though Remus had been certain that they could not receive detention, there was something about showing up together that made Remus feel as though Filch had snitched on them for a particularly good prank, and James was not far behind them.</p><p>“Professor McGonagall, my queen,” Sirius called as they entered. “Couldn’t bear to see me go without a last goodbye?” </p><p> “Something like that,” she said wryly.</p><p>“Hello, Professor,” Remus said. “Hope you’re doing well.” </p><p>“Thank you for joining me, Black, Lupin,” Professor McGonagall said, nodding at them approvingly. She pushed a plate towards them. “Biscuit?” </p><p> “What can we do for you?” Remus asked politely. Professor McGonagall eyed them both. Remus resisted the urge to fidget.</p><p>“I wanted to congratulate you both on a year well done. Your students have excelled in their classes, based on the grades that you have submitted thus far. And while we will not know the results of O.W.L. and N.E.W.T. examinations until later in the summer, those that conducted the practical exams spoke very highly to me and to Professor Dumbledore of the Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts capabilities of the students they tested.”</p><p>Remus felt bashful and rather warm inside. Sirius grinned, sitting up in his chair.</p><p>“We’re very proud of them,” Remus said earnestly. “They worked hard.”</p><p>“This, of course, reflects very well on your teaching for the past two years in your case, Lupin, and for Black, the last year.” Professor McGonagall continued.</p><p>“It’s really all about the students,” Remus said mildly.</p><p>“Well, Remus is brilliant, we all knew that,” Sirius said brightly, winking grandly at him.</p><p>“You’re very talented yourself,” Remus said, smiling back at him.</p><p>Professor McGonagall cleared her throat, and the two of them turned to look at her.</p><p>“As you know,” Professor McGonagall said, surveying the two of them with a funny look, “Professor Flitwick is returning from his Charms sabbatical this summer, and will be resuming his post as Charms professor for the upcoming year.”</p><p>Sirius managed a smile, though Remus could see how it was costing him. His good mood of a moment ago faded, and Remus reached over and took his hand. “That’s right.”</p><p>“Do you have plans for next year?”</p><p>“I won’t be far. I’m planning on purchasing a house in Hogsmeade this summer. We looked at some of them last week. Remus keeps telling me <em>not</em> to buy that big house at the end of High Street, but honestly, I think it’s well worth the galleons.” Sirius tried to look cheerful. “I think it’ll be a good time. I’ll have Remus and Harry nearby, of course, and maybe I’ll pick up…I don’t know, painting or something.”</p><p>“A lovely hobby,” McGonagall said briskly. “You both are aware that I will be serving as Headmistress for the next academic year,”</p><p>“That’s right,” Remus said quickly. “We’re very excited for you, Professor McGonagall. Hogwarts couldn’t have a finer Headmistress.”</p><p>Professor McGonagall managed a rare smile. “Thank you, Lupin. There are two unfortunate spots to my tenure, however, I’m afraid.”</p><p>Remus knitted his eyebrows together. He suddenly felt quite nervous under McGonagall’s piercing gaze. “And what…what would those be, Professor?”</p><p>“The first being that Hogwarts will be left without a Transfiguration professor,” she said, her mouth quirking upwards into a small but unmistakable smile. “Which would normally leave me with a good deal of regret, except…”</p><p>Remus blinked at her, not daring to look at Sirius. “Except, Professor? Er? Headmistress?”</p><p>“Except we managed to hire a professor who has a considerable amount of Transfiguration knowledge to teach Charms this year, and should he be interested in taking on the role, I believe that he would be quite well-suited to the position.”</p><p>Remus felt his heart leap nearly out of his chest. He could not believe his ears, or his eyes. When he turned to look at Sirius, his grey eyes shone exuberantly.</p><p>“You’re kidding me,” Sirius declared, looking as though his birthday had come early. He smiled spectacularly, all of his teeth visible. “You want me to stay at Hogwarts?”</p><p>“That seems to be what I’m asking,” Professor McGonagall said.</p><p>“But…why?” Sirius asked. “Not to…make you doubt it, of course, Professor.”</p><p>“You are exceptionally talented, Black. You were at eleven and have become considerably more so in the twenty-something years since then. It is not just anyone who might have managed to become an Animagus at fifteen,” Professor McGonagall said, smiling at him. “But your talents did not end there. You have managed to show a particular affinity towards incorporating Transfiguration in your lessons over the last year, as I have heard from your students, and as I have observed firsthand. I have noticed the handy bits of Transfiguration that you have done over the castle over the last year. Not to mention, you have had excellent Transfiguration training. You have proved me wrong, and I for one, have been delighted to be wrong for once.”</p><p>“It’s true, I did have the very best training,” Sirius said, grinning at her. “There’s no professor quite like you, Professor McGonagall. You might be my favorite professor at Hogwarts. Don’t tell my husband.”</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes, but his heart was not in it. He felt too giddy to sit still in his chair, and for the first time in many years wished he could get on a broomstick, flying around with the wind whipping in his face, whooping from several dozen feet above the ground.</p><p>“Would you accept the job, then?” Professor McGonagall asked, extending her hand. “To teach the students of Hogwarts Transfiguration to the best of your ability?”</p><p>Sirius reached out and accepted her handshake eagerly. “Yes. Absolutely. I will.”</p><p>“You mentioned, Professor, that there were two unfortunate parts to your promotion,” Remus said. “If this is one, then what is the other?”</p><p>“The second is that Gryffindor House will be left without a Head of House. While I have enjoyed my time as Head of House most ardently, it would be rather improper for a Headmistress to show favoritism to one house over another, though some Headmasters have done it – Phineas Nigellus did for a number of years. That is not quite my plan, however.”</p><p>Now, Professor McGonagall made no attempts to conceal her smile, which was as radiant as the June sun outside and which warmed Remus all over. Remus could scarcely believe their luck. Professor McGonagall took a breath.</p><p>“I would like the two of you to succeed me as joint Heads of Gryffindor House.”</p><p>“What?” Sirius asked, his voice cracking, and now he truly looked as though he were on the brink of tears. “You want…”</p><p>“Yes. Both of you.”</p><p>“You think we’re up to it, Professor?” Remus blurted out. “Despite the fact that we’re…I mean, I’m a werewolf.”</p><p>“And I’m an ex-con,” Sirius offered helpfully, clearing his throat vigorously. “Also gay. Also married to Remus.”</p><p>“Yes, thank you for that little biography,” Professor McGonagall said, frowning slightly. “I am indeed aware of all of these things. And it is <em>because</em> of those things, rather than in spite of them, that I believe that the two of you would make quite wonderful Heads of House indeed. You have both shown resilience in moments of danger, unbelievable bravery, and a strength of character that would make Godric Gryffindor himself proud. You exhibit qualities of true Gryffindors, both of you, and I have no doubt that you would serve the house – and your students – well. I have not been oblivious this year, to the two of you taking considerable students under your wings. Nor have I been oblivious to the fact that the two of you have made it through what must have been a strange, at times difficult year together, and have made it to the end still smiling and still caring about your students and their studies. You have helped make Hogwarts feel like a home for many, rather than simply a boarding academy.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Remus choked out, feeling very tight in the throat indeed. “I can’t imagine…I don’t think I ever could have imagined being a Head of House. For a long time, I didn’t even feel brave enough to be a Gryffindor.”</p><p>Sirius leaned over and seized his hand again.</p><p>“You are very brave,” Professor McGonagall said firmly, turning her gaze onto Remus. “Not because of your lycanthropy or because of your life circumstances that you could not control, but because of the person that you have made the active choice to be. I have no doubt that your kindness and bravery will make Hogwarts a better place, in the same way that you made it a better place as a student many years ago and make it better as a Professor. You both do.”</p><p>She stood up suddenly and looked out her window. “Will you accept my offer, then?”</p><p>Sirius and Remus exchanged a sudden, teeming look with one another.</p><p>“Yes, absolutely,” Remus said quickly. “A million times over, yes, Professor McGonagall. It would be our absolute honor.”</p><p>“And a privilege,” Sirius said, surprisingly soft.</p><p>“Then, please accept my hearty congratulations to you both. I trust that Gryffindor is in good hands,” she said, and she looked as proud as she had the day that James had finally been able to break a long streak of defeats and bring the House Cup back to Gryffindor in their fifth year. “I am certain that Potter will be thrilled to hear it.”</p><p>Then, Professor McGonagall gave them a faint, sad smile.</p><p>“Mr. Potter and Ms. Evans would have been thrilled as well, I am certain of it.”</p><p>Remus felt his heart catch in his throat, and without even looking knew that Sirius was choking back an onslaught of tears that they would shed later, in the privacy of their suite.</p><p>“We’ll try to make Gryffindor House proud,” Sirius said earnestly, clearing his throat.</p><p>“I have no doubt that you will,” Professor McGonagall said. “Remus, Sirius, I wish you the best of luck. I’ll be rooting for you. Though I must encourage you to reprimand students who wish to follow in your Marauderly footsteps, namely Misters Fred and George Weasley.”</p><p>“Absolutely,” Sirius said, lying through his teeth.</p><p>Professor McGonagall shot him a look.</p><p>“We’ll be sure to rein them in,” Remus said hastily, hoping that Professor McGonagall had forgotten some of the mischief where Remus himself had been the ingenue.</p><p>“Of course you will,” Professor McGonagall said skeptically.</p><p>Remus looked over at Sirius. He saw the way that his grey eyes burned with a joy that had been missing from his life for so long, and knew that his own eyes must have been lit up with the same delight. Not for the first time, Remus wondered what acts of heroism he must have performed in another life, or what tragedies he must have endured, to merit such wonders in this one.</p><p>***</p><p>“Are you ready?” Remus asked, running a hand through his hair. Sirius let his hair fall back out of its twist, shaking it and flipping his head upside down. He looked like a muggle rock star, save for the pristine teaching robes.</p><p>“I’m nervous,” Sirius grinned shyly, smoothing down his robes. He then dusted off imaginary specks from Remus’s own black robes, once-ragged and shabby robes that Sirius had transfigured into something beautiful, as he was wont to do.</p><p>They were standing outside of Gryffindor Tower after curfew, the portrait on the wall beaming at Sirius, who managed a devilish wink in return. Professor McGonagall had asked the Gryffindors to convene for one last meeting prior to the end of the school year, and on the other side of the door, there were dozens of Gryffindors waiting for Professor McGonagall, who of course, would not be joining them at all. They would be announcing to the Gryffindors that they would be their new Heads of House, a secret that had been almost impossible to keep from Harry at dinner that evening, before Dumbledore announced it to the entire school tomorrow.</p><p>It felt strange and wonderful to be outside of the entrance to Gryffindor with Sirius at his side once more. It felt as though any minute now, James would rush up to them in a fit, shouting about how Lily had decided to give him the time of day or about an idea he had to prank the Slytherins, or perhaps Lily herself would run up to Remus and ask him a question about Ancient Runes. If he looked hard enough, he could almost see the ghosts of Marlene and Dorcas holding hands as they sat outside the entrance, Marlene practically sitting on Dorcas’s lap. He could almost hear Mary’s distinctive laugh, high enough to be heard even from outside the entrance to the Tower sometimes. And his heart was warmed rather than gripped by pain. While his friends were no longer there in person, he felt them. Their love lived on in Harry, of course, but also in all of the students whom Remus held dear to his heart. Their love lived on in Sirius, his best friend, the love of his life, the most splendorous star in the galaxy of Remus’s life.</p><p>“You have no reason to be nervous,” Remus said, though he felt the quickstep of nerves jolting his heart forward every few minutes. “Your students love you.”</p><p>“As do yours,” Sirius shot back. “Honestly, Moony, I think you’ll be the favorite Head of House. McGonagall set me up for failure here.”</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes. “Once they figure out I’m miserable at Quidditch, that’ll end spectacularly.”</p><p>“Well, it’s not like anyone’s asking you to be on the house team or anything,” Sirius reasoned. “I mean, you wouldn’t have made it on the team back in the day, even if Prongs were captain.”</p><p>“Thanks for that,” Remus said dryly. “You’re lucky you’re pretty. And also my husband.”</p><p>“Do you think we’ll be good at this?” Sirius asked worriedly.</p><p>“Do you love your students?” Remus asked firmly.</p><p>“Of course. Well, most of them, anyways,” Sirius said, and Remus could almost imagine Draco Malfoy wafting over his head.</p><p>“And Gryffindor?”</p><p>“Without a doubt.”</p><p>“Then yes, I think we’ll be good at this. It’s like learning to be there for Harry, you know, or learning how to be back together after a long time apart. Trial and error.”</p><p>There was a pause as the two of them studied each other, brimming with affection.</p><p>“I love you, Remus,” Sirius said, as though he had never been more certain of anything before. “I always have, and I will until the end of all our days.”</p><p>“You’re the love of my life, Sirius,” Remus said, and his face broke out into a smile. “Or should I say, Professor Lupin?” He paused. “It’ll be quite confusing if you also go by Professor Lupin next year, actually.”</p><p>“Black-Lupin, then,” Sirius said, throwing his hands up in surrender. “Or maybe just Black, but only here. And then you can call me whatever you want when we’re <em>alone</em>.”</p><p>“You’re a real dog, Sirius.”</p><p>“That fate was written in the stars, Moony.”</p><p>“Much like you and me, then,” Remus said, tilting his head towards the entrance. Sirius nodded.</p><p>They approached the opera singer’s portrait at last. So much had changed, so much had been lost, and so many tears had been shed since the last time they had stepped into Gryffindor Tower. Still, their love for one another had remained constant and brilliant and true, in spite of the odds stacked against them. The tender luminescence of their love story could light up even the darkest patches of the midnight sky above them, or the underworld below. It was a tale for the ages, really, the ballad of the moon and the brightest star in the sky.</p><p>“Password?” The portrait asked them with a coquettish smile.</p><p>“<em>Lunam et stellas</em>,” Remus said softly, and the door flung open without hesitation. He looked at Sirius and smiled. Sirius grinned back. For the first time in nearly twenty years, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black clambered through the Gryffindor Tower portrait hole, hand in hand.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I can't believe we reached the end of this story, <i> one hundred and fifty thousand </i> words later. Thanks to everyone who read, commented, bookmarked, etc. - getting these notifications is always delightful! For a short companion piece about the summer after this chapter, please visit <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/31190888">here!</a></p><p>What a joy it was to write this story. I wrote it as a way to prove to myself that there could be happy endings to queer love stories. Queer folks deserve happy endings. Remus and Sirius, who were woefully deprived of any shreds of happiness in the original canon, deserved their shot together. I will miss writing this very much.</p><p>I would also like to take this final author's note to emphasize that while this story is fictional, trans lives are very real and matter very much. I stand against Joanne and her words of transphobic bigotry, and send my love to trans folks, and especially trans people of color, everywhere.</p><p> </p>
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